Tag: natty bumpercar

  • Bumperpodcast 117 – Draftsmans Disease

    Bumperpodcast 117 – Draftsmans Disease

    I don’t wear socks – because I’m notinto cruelty to sock animals … So – I constantly run the risk of catching Draftsmans Disease. You have been warned.

    I think that we sing a New Year’s song as well – maybe about Pig and Robot? I’m not entirely sure. Please tell us what the song was all about by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com – and then we’ll all be on the same page.

    Wahoo!

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    About This Episode

    In this New Year's Eve episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar kicks off 2024 with a rambling monologue about expired potatoes, restaurant policies regarding Aloysious J. Pig, and an impassioned rant against wearing socks. Natty introduces listeners to "draftsman's disease," a fictitious ailment caught from going sockless in drafty conditions. The episode features Natty's signature stream-of-consciousness comedy as he declares his anti-sock stance, arguing that wearing socks breaks up sock families. This short New Year's special showcases the absurdist humor that Bumperpodcast fans have come to love, ending with both a warning and a holiday greeting.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You know how many socks had to be put down in order for your feet to be warm? Well at least two if you've got two feet.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If you've only got one foot then only one sock had to be put down but you know what happens then is that there's one sock who's lonely so you're breaking up sock families.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If you do you run the risk of catching draftsman's disease. Happy new year!”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #newyear #socks #restaurants #friendship #comedy #absurdisthumor #holiday

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: should old potatoes be store-bought or should we just eat out there's probably some cheese in the fridge so yeah we should probably eat out but if we go to the restaurant then they won't let pig in and we will have to find somewhere else because we're his best friends so robot should look it up what place we'll let pig in so and we will go on to that place and we'll order and dig in how about that how about that how about that happy new year happy new year happy new year this is the last podcast that you're gonna hear of this year probably unless i get crazy or not i'm not gonna get crazier because this is the last one you're gonna hear deal with it right i mean you don't want anymore you're busy too it's a crazy time of year i just sang you a little song about disease do you know what that is that's the disease you catch when there's a draft all the time and i don't wear socks you know why because i'm anti socks because what they ever do to me that i'm gonna do you know how many socks had to be put down in order for your feet to be warm well at least two if you've got two feet if you've only got one foot then only one sock had to be put down but you know what that happens what happens then is that there's one sock who's lonely so you know you're it's you're breaking up sock families is what i'm telling you so you have to walk around sockless i don't usually get on my high horse or on my uh my my my box what kind of box is it i don't usually get on the kind of box that people get on where they're telling you what to do but in this case my friends my bumper podcast pals i'm gonna tell you what to do you you have to go sockless but be warned because if you do you run the risk of catching draftsman's disease happy new year

  • Bumperpodcast 116 – Fluffy stuff holidays

    Bumperpodcast 116 – Fluffy stuff holidays

    Here come holidays … Here come holidays … Right down manic Bumpercar lane! Natty is pretty excited today … perhaps it’s because he has been eating is vitamins?!

    What kinds of holidays do you celebrate? Please tell us by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com – and then – maybe we’ll celebrate it too.

    Holiday!

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    About This Episode

    In episode 116 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares his unique holiday observations from Coffee Can Alley headquarters. Natty discusses his unusual holiday celebration involving an entire bag of strawberry cotton candy marketed as "fluffy stuff" that turned out to be one giant lump instead of individual snowballs. He goes on a hilarious tangent about vitamins, proposing that vitamin manufacturers should make cotton candy-flavored vitamins instead of gummies. Natty also ponders why holidays are scheduled during cold weather and theorizes that summer itself is essentially one long holiday because of the nice weather, while winter holidays exist to give people something to look forward to during terrible weather.

    Memorable Quotes

    “In the olden times everyone thought that bells every time that you heard a bell it meant that you would get a nickel and the crazy thing was is this was before nickels were even invented yet.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Why don't we just have vitamins that are in the shape or the form of fluffy stuff? Hey welcome to the midway kid what are you up to today you look like you have a vitamin d deficiency.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Summer itself pretty much a holiday because it's nice out so we're gonna keep summer where it is.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #holidays #cottoncandy #vitamins #winter #weather #food #health #seasonaltraditions

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: ho ho holidays ho ho holidays hum hum hum hum hum hey everybody it's me netty bumper car and it's a great exciting fun thrilling here day here in uh coffee can alley and headquarters and why is that well i don't know what kind of holidays you have what do you do do you like are you like hey it's banana friday or whatever or like are you like hey in the olden times everyone thought that bells every time that you heard a bell it meant that you would get a nickel and the crazy thing was is this was before nickels were even invented yet so people would hear bells and think that they were going to get nickels but not even know what nickels were but they were excited because people love holidays and people love bells last year last night me what i did to celebrate was i ate an entire bag of cotton candy by myself and it was on the box in the bag it said it said uh snowballs and it said fluffy stuff and i thought that it was going to be like little snowballs that i'd be able to individually eat like a gentleman but no in the company i mean it was in mixed company i was with other people but here's what happened is i opened the bag it was just a giant lump of white white not so fluffy stuff kind of tightly compacted uh any less delicious no clearly not obviously not because my holidays consist of eating delicious stuff delicious fluffy stuff what was the flavor bumper car the flavor was strawberry so at least i know it was healthy for me because you know i need my vitamins i need my fluffy stuff vitamins here's a weird thing i'm supposed to be talking about holidays but i'm gonna go on a tangent can you believe that around headquarters we've been taking vitamins lately a lot of vitamins and i prefer my you know the gummy vitamins so why can't i have vitamins that are in the shape or the form of fluffy stuff fluffy stuff vitamins hey welcome to the midway kid what are you up to today you look like you have a vitamin d deficiency why don't you try some of this fluffy stuff what's that feel better already of course you do because kids love cotton candy they don't love vitamins they love gummies why don't we just stick with gummies let's talk about holidays are you excited about the holidays is it cold where you are a lot of times during the holidays it gets cold i don't know why that happens i don't know why they plan it that way feels like maybe it'd be nice to have you know wait wait a minute i was gonna say it would be nice to have a holiday in a summer but here's the thing uh summer itself pretty much a holiday because it's nice out so we're gonna keep summer where it is i think they put the holidays in the summer because it's nice out so we're gonna keep summer where it is in the middle of this winter stuff even though it's not the middle we've just started it because winter is so terrible and people need something to look forward to and so they're like hey you know summer's not gonna be around for a while so why don't we give them a holiday right now love it

  • Bumperpodcast 115 – My good side

    Bumperpodcast 115 – My good side

    Tomorrow … Natty Bumpercar is going to go into the hospital to visit a mouse photographer – who will then walk down his throat and take some photos …

    This is just a bit of bumpercar burning off some of that pre-hospital nervous energy with a bit of bibble-babble.

    Have you ever had a mouse in your throat taking photogrphs? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com – and then – we will bond.

    Best pals!

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    About This Episode

    In this episode, Natty Bumpercar nervously prepares for an upcoming medical procedure. Broadcasting on a Monday instead of the usual schedule, Natty explains he's heading to the hospital the next day for an endoscopy at 5:45 AM. With characteristic humor, he describes the procedure as having a mouse with a camera walk down his throat to take pictures. Despite some anxiety about the early morning appointment and uncertainty about what to expect, Natty maintains his comedic perspective throughout, joking about hospital gowns, Jello, and waking up before the rooster crows.

    Memorable Quotes

    “From what I understand they're going to give a camera to a mouse and tie a string to his tail and let him just kind of walk down my throat and take some pictures.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I have to be there in my own physical form at 5:45 in the morning. That's stunningly early. The cockadoodle do crows at like 6:15.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Mouse in throat with camera, oh okay, deep breaths everybody, deep breaths because I'm gonna need them.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #medicalprocedure #hospital #endoscopy #health #anxiety #humor #earlymorning

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and why am i talking to you today it's a monday i know that you know that because why because it's monday but i'm i'm here's why i'm talking to you tomorrow there's there's a there's nervous excitement it's not excitement is there's nervous energy in the uh in headquarters today uh because tomorrow uh yours truly natty bumper car is going to go dun dun dun into the hospital why well it's not too exciting probably it's um i'm going in to uh to have a uh i think i believe the way they're going to do this there's going to be a camera shoved down my throat uh so i from what i understand they're going to give a camera to a mouse and tie a string to his tail and let him just kind of you know just walk down my throat and take some pictures and uh then come back up and i assume that he will go to the mouse dark room where he will uh uh develop the pictures and then uh you know we'll have a maybe we'll put together a picture book i don't know what happens uh it's called an endoscopy which i've had a hard time not referring to as an endoscopy because just the way you look at the word it looks a lot more like oh am i excited about it no no i'm not am i nervous about it's weird i have i have a weird uh not really trepidatious just kind of just like oh i have to go to the hospital and get this i have to be there in my own physical form at 5 45 in the morning that's stunningly early that's that's so like from what i understand the cockadoodle do he crows at like 6 15 so i'm going to be up and at some place before the rooster even like is like unless i poke him before i leave and i'm like hey wake everybody else up because if i'm up i think i would like everyone else up as well just because i don't want to get lonely there's a little cough for you so i'm assuming that uh i'm going to give you some sort of an update on this uh later in the week maybe tomorrow i don't know if i'll be able to talk i don't know i don't know what's going on so i'm assuming that i'm going to give you some sort of an update on this uh later in the week going to happen that's the crazy thing when you stick a mouse down your throat with a camera i don't know what the results are will i be eating jello i mean is that too bad i don't know will i have to wear like a hospital garb where people look at my tush and be like hey bumpica that's quite a tush you got there i don't you know i don't hope that those things happen but maybe that'll add a little bit of levity to the situation and not that it needs it it's not a dire situation mouse in throat with camera oh okay deep breaths everybody deep breaths because i'm gonna need them keep your fingers crossed endoscopy

  • Bumperpodcast 114 – Learning, kneeling and skating!

    Bumperpodcast 114 – Learning, kneeling and skating!

    Today, we learn a word and we also learn some best practices to follow when ice skating … I don’t want to give it all away here – but – trust me when I say that this is a fun-fact-filled Bumperpodcast!

    Do you have any facts that you’d like to share with us? Email them to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com – and you will be more awsome than ever.

    Yee-haw!

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    About This Episode

    In episode 114 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar finds himself without a chair and kneeling while recording. He goes on a hilarious tangent about almost inventing a new word for being on one's knees, only to realize "kneeling" already exists. Natty then shares the joys and perils of winter at headquarters, where the castle's moat freezes over for ice skating races. He offers sage advice about racing dragons on ice and warns about the dangers of moat monsters and disgusting moat water. This episode showcases Natty's signature rambling comedy style as he turns simple observations into absurd adventures.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I got so excited because I thought that I just invented something where we needed a new word in the lexicon… it's kneeling but I guess it's already there man what a letdown.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If you're ever in a race with a dragon he breathes fire and steam so let him stay in front of you for most of the race and then slip past him.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “We learned a word, kneeling, and we learned a lesson: don't skate with dragons.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #winter #iceskating #dragons #castlelife #christmas #moat #headquarters

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well well well if it isn't the bumper podcast with me natty bumper car this is number 114 of the of the year of the day this is number 114 i'm sitting i'm sitting here i'm not sitting here i'm sit how do you i'm standing but i'm not standing because i'm on my knees what is that called i know when you sit you're on your took us when you stand you're on your feet what's it called when you're oh i'm kneeling i thought i was so literally for a second there i got so excited because i thought that i just invented something where we needed a new word in the lexicon in the language and i figured uh that in whatever book holds all the words the dictionary that maybe a bumper car would show up there and it would be like this guy invented a new word for when you're on your knees it's not sitting it's not neat uh standing it's kneeling but i guess it's already there man what a letdown you would have been part of history today bumper podcast no but so i'm kneeling as the kids are evidently calling it these days right now because my chair is gone i don't have a chair i don't have a stool i don't have a bench i ain't got nothing i don't even have my two front teeth because i for christmas and evidently if you already have something and then you uh ask for it well it it cancels it out and then you get you get a piece of coal which don't tell anybody but that's part of my plan i'm really angling for the piece of coal because it's very chilly in headquarters can i tell you bumper podcast that the best part of living in headquarters which is a castle obviously is that we have a moat and so when winter comes around the moat freezes over and it's a big circle and we just get to get our skates on and just do laps and laps and laps and laps all the way around headquarters it's so much fun we have races and uh you know prizes and stuff the worst part is if you're ever in a race with a dragon he breathes fire and steam so uh you know let him stay in front of you and he'll be fine and he'll be fine and he'll be fine and he'll be fine and he'll be fine and for most of the race and then slip past him because if he's behind you he's gonna huff and puff and you're gonna fall through the uh the ice into the moat and then you gotta contend with the moat monster and there is nothing more disgusting than moat water i mean that's why when it's frozen over it's okay but when you're in there and you have skates on you know just like i'm swimming but i can't swim because i have skates on it's gross so don't skate on a moat with a dragon when he's behind you you learned a lesson today listen to this we learned a word caneling and we learned a lesson don't skate with dragons

  • Bumperpodcast 113 – Doctor-time!

    Bumperpodcast 113 – Doctor-time!

    Bumpercar woke up all excited about getting to talk to you and then he tells a story about how had to go see the doctor about his throat – and – you get to hear all about it.

    Listen to the Bumperpodcast and you will find out what happened when he went to the doctor.

    Pins and needled. Pins and needles!

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    About This Episode

    In this episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar wakes up excited on a rainy day to record and shares a personal medical journey with listeners. Natty describes a frustrating throat condition where food gets stuck while eating, leading to visits with multiple doctors. After the first doctor's unhelpful advice to "eat better food," Natty consults a second doctor who diagnoses the problem and refers him to a gastroenterologist. The episode takes a humorous turn as Natty breaks down the word "gastroenterologist" and reveals the next step in treatment: having a camera shoved down his throat. Classic Bumperpodcast style combines everyday health concerns with Natty's characteristic rambling humor.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I woke up this morning and I got so excited because I looked out the window and it was a rainy day it was gray it was kind of cold feeling clammy and then I was just like wait a minute today's the day for the bumper podcast”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “he's a gastroenterologist which i don't know what that is except he deals with gas and he's inter and then something with an ologist i don't know like a paleontologist but but in my throat”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #health #doctors #medicalappointments #throatproblems #eating #rainyday #gastroenterology

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: I woke up this morning and I was thinking about you bumper podcast that's really true I woke up this morning and I got so excited because I looked out the window and it was a rainy day it was gray it was kind of cold feeling clammy and then I was just like wait a minute today's the day for the bumper podcast today's the day that I get to sit down in front of a microphone and talk to you about whatever it is that I talk about what am I going to talk about today well I was thinking I would tell you about my trip to the doctor yesterday that's right I went to the doctor why because I go to the doctor sometimes that's what happens don't you go to the doctor you should they're your friends they give you things that make you feel better I didn't not that I felt bad but I have this crazy thing that happens sometimes when I eat food where I'm like like oh look at this food in front of me this is going to be a delicious meal i can't wait to eat this food and then i take a bite and then my throat i told you about this where my throat doesn't or did i tell you about this no i was complaining about my throat a few weeks ago because it wasn't breathing properly this is similar but different i have a great throat did you know that so you take a bite and then all of a sudden the throat's like i don't want you're like what i don't want to change right here and it's just like the food just kind of hangs out in the throat and you know you saw all of a sudden the mouth starts just like and the body starts going and then it's just like and it's disgusting it happens every so often and so i asked my doctor about it like the normal doctor you go to whatever that guy is called and uh here's here's what he said to me he said oh well i suppose you need to eat better food which does that help me no that doesn't help me i eat plenty good food and so then i had to go to a different doctor because i had i remember when i had bronchitis i'm always sick we know this now it's so it's evidently now a part of my life over the last two years baby bumper car comes into the scene here's some germs oh you're going to be sick for the rest of your life hooray well so i went to a different doctor because first doctor wasn't open told different doctor the same story about the throat and she was like you've got a blah blah blah and then i went and i looked up blah blah on the internet and i was just like oh my goodness i've got blah blah and so i had to set up an appointment with a guy he's a gastroenterologist which i don't know what that is except he deals with gas and he's inter and then something with an ologist i don't know like a paleontologist but but in my throat and so he looked at me poked and prodded and now all of so here's the next step in all this they're gonna take a camera and they're gonna shove it down my throat