I have had a love affair with the ultimate spicy chicken sandwich in the business for many years . . . it has always treated me so – so right with it’s delicately sweet bun, leaf of lettuce, smear of mayo and perfectly fried and deliciously spiced chicken breast. In a world ruled by burgers – it was my haven. It was my respite. It was my shelter. I would drive by it’s home and my Pavlov mouth would start to water – even if I was already full in the belly. It was perfection – and – our relationship was bliss.

Then, something wonderfully disruptive happened . . . a new spicy chicken sandwich moved into town. I found myself looking over and past my old love to try to sneak a glimpse at the new hotness. My old sandwich seemed clunky and thrown together. It’s foibles – which I had found so endearing for so long – were now just blemishes. It’s halo’s shine was dull. It was nothing that I ever intended. It was nothing that I ever could have imagined happening . . . I was officially in love with two sandwiches – with my heart (and arteries) distinctly leaning much harder in the direction of the new – the exciting – the unknown.

It was a delicate situation – and – I knew that I would have to deal with it. It wasn’t fair to any of us to keep the charade going. No one in this triangle deserved to be left hanging. Decisions would have to be made – and – they wouldn’t be easy decisions.

I sat my old sandwich down – for the remainder I will refer to her as Wendy – and explained that it wasn’t her – it was me – and what a horrible person that I was – and that I hated that all of this was happening. She just sat there – crispy, spicy and – no doubt still delicious and said “Does this have anything to do with the new Spicy Chicken Sandwich at Chik-fil-a?” I jumped out of my seat and exclaimed to the sky that “You know it chicken!!”

Then the most magical thing happened. Wendy sighed and asked me to tell her all about the new Chik. Against my better judgement, I just started going on and on about how Chik-fil-a – who was already in possession of the simplest and most perfect chicken sandwich in the universe had done the impossible and made their sandwich even better. I told her about the buttered bun with the two or three pickles placed on top of the bottom bun. I exalted at how the spicy juices had been melded to the chicken through some otherworldly wizardry . . . then I broke down and told Wendy that I loved the new Chik-fil-a spicy chicken sandwich. A tear crept out of my eye. I reached out and Wendy just said “No.” then after a pause that lingered in the air “Go to Chik-fil-a . . . It’s what you want anyway.”

And I did.

After time, the wounds have healed – somewhat. I still see Wendy every so often – but – I know that it will never be the way that it used to be . . . because just over the fast food lunch horizon – there will always be the new Chik-fil-a spicy chicken sandwich beckoning me to come running.

Chik-fil-a . . . you have made the best spicy chicken sandwich on the block. You get a gold star. You get a blue ribbon. I hope that you aren’t some sort of special trial offer – because – I would be lost without you . . . and – at this point – Wendy won’t have me back – and there is no way that I could possible stomach the garbage that they package as a spicy chicken sandwich at Burger King . . . it is truly the pits – but that’s a gripe for another day!

Here is a video of me with a microphone in Springfield, New Jersey – on June 17 – at a place called the Comedy Cove where you can see funny while you eat steak.

My pal Little bit came out for the show – which is always a treat.

Watch. Guffaw. Scratch your heads in confusion!

We go for a little walk on the day of today – with the birds and the dog and the construction . . . and then, we find a note!

Then we invent something!!

[Click the title to get to the episode!]

There is a fountain of goodness that is flowing into the world . . . and you should hurry quickly to take a sip before it disappears. Maybe forever.

I am, of course, talking about the absolutely tantalizingly delicious treat known as the Cherry Limeade Sparkler at Taco Bell. Seriously, I can see it in your eyes that you don’t even believe me for a moment . . . but I’m not kidding. I’m not joking. My tongue isn’t anywhere near being in my cheek. There is also not a single twinkle in my eye. I just love it that much.

I’ll try to calm down a bit – now – so that I can give you some sort of moderately subjective description of my (current) favorite beverage.

It is pretty much either a Sprite – or – a 7up that has been expertly fountained on top of some cherry goopy goodness in a clear plastic cup so that you can actually see the sparkling happening in real time! The cherry is sweet – but – has a tiny bit of tart, of tang, that gives the drink a nice balance. And don’t even get me started on the fact that nestled down in the ice – there is a wedge of lime glistening an luscious green . . . like a tiny emerald lighthouse beckoning me to drink more and more and more.

This is the best drink in the universe, at least until we explore all of space and find other planets with other drinks. I suppose that – then – there is the possibility – no matter how slight – that there could be a better drink out there . . . somewhere. Maybe it is the Classic Limeade Sparkler – which I haven’t had yet – maybe that is the drink that will know the Cherry Sparkler off of it’s throne – which is on top of a pedestal – maybe – maybe.

I mean – come on people. It is a mixed drink at Taco Bell . . . that has the added benefit of potentially being healthy (don’t forget that there is that piece of real fruit at the bottom). I would like one right now.

Act quickly – because on the Taco Bell website – I found this coupon for a free Limeade Sparkler . . . so now you can tell me what you think of it.

Goooooooooooo and drink!


Here is a video of my first stage time with a microphone in the Greater North-East area . . . A place that goes by the name of Tierney’s – in the quaint hamlet of Montclair.

I’m a little rusty – but – hopefully – move quickly enough through my jokey words that you can barely even notice.

Thanks for watching . . .

I hope that you giggled.

Snowflake Comic

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