Tag: mystery

Aloysius J. Pig: Where have I… Where am I? Where have I been? I'm so confused. Hey, what's… Pumpercat, what are you doing? And who… What are you doing? Who are you anyway? What do you mean, who am I? What do you mean? What are you doing? Are you talking all weird? I don't know. It's me, your best friend in the whole wide world. It's Aloysius J. Pig. I don't know. What is wrong with you anyways, huh? You got a weird look in your eyes? I don't know. Are you okay? You're sweating a little bit? Are you okay?

Natty Bumpercar: You're a talking pig. I don't understand it at all. It doesn't make any sense to me. Nothing is making any sense. I'm so confused right now.

Aloysius J. Pig: Bro, I need you just to relax. This is clearly outside of my pay grade. Hold on one second. I need a little bit of help here. I need a little bit of help here. Pumpercat's gonna loop-de-loop. Now, excuse me. I heard you said you need a little bit of help over here. Now, is this something that a legal guardian of legalities could be assisting? Assistance? And you will, exactly? Is that something that his eye? Mr. Rufus T. Rufus. I may have to help you out as much as I can.

Natty Bumpercar: Everybody here talks just so much, but I'm so glad that you're here. That pig was just talking at me. He was saying words that I don't understand. Oh, man. I don't know where I am, and I'm really confused. Can I get some help if you could please just help me out, please?

Aloysius J. Pig: Rufus, you see what I'm talking about? He's gone on a loop-de-loop. He's gone on a loop-de-loop. Yeah, right. He's gone straight loop-de-loop, and that is a legal term. And by the letter of my contract, it says here, let's see, page 14, paragraph 77, addendum 4BXYZ. If Natty Pumpercat ever goes a loop-de-loop, a loop-de-loop, then all of the properties, you understand, are handed over. Handed over? Are passed over. What are you talking about? What do you mean? No, what do you mean by that? No, that's what I'm saying to you. I don't understand. He's fine. Something's just off-kilter. I walked in the room. He seems a little, you know, confused. I'll say confused. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And maybe, you know, I did say he loop-de-looped, but maybe I didn't know the exact term. I didn't realize that was a legal term. It is. And now you're coming in here. So who exactly does all of this transfer to, huh? Well, now, as the instigator of the implication of his registrar… Now, in the whole legalese terminologies, what I have to tell you, my friend, is that it all actually, in actuality, reverts and processes and proceeds into my account. You understand? I don't… As the legal guardian, the signature, as the writer of the rules, if Natty Pumpercat ipso facto does go on a loop-de-loop, then all of this becomes… …under my transpire so that I can aspire to keep the wheels. I disagree. I'm moving on. You understand? I disagree. I don't know what you're talking about, lawyer Mr. His name is Rufus T. Rufus. But I just, I woke up, I was here, there was a microphone, this pig… That's me. …came in, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. And I don't know what, what's a bumper car? You are. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. Natty Pumpercar, that's you. Okay. Yeah, that's who you are. But I don't, I don't know what's happening, so I'm a little bit confused. I'm a little bit, I don't understand. I think we're all, we all need to calm down. We all need to take a couple of steps back here. I want you to put those legal documents away or I'm gonna, I'm gonna scoot you out of the room. Excuse yourself. I want you just to breathe a little bit. There you go, just breathe. There you go, just breathe. Now breathe a little bit. What, what? Now breathe a little bit. There you go, there you go, okay. I feel better. I've got another idea.

Doodle Poodle: And, oh, what perfect timing. It's me. You're the person I was just about to come and get. Oh no, oh no. I'm not a person. Did I make you that way? Hup, hup. He's a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a talking dog. No, no, no. I'm a dog who doodles. What? Huh? What?

Natty Bumpercar: What are you? It's me. Doodle doodle.

Aloysius J. Pig: I don't know anything. Hup, hup. I don't know what's happening. There's now a talking dog and a talking pig and this. Uh. Okay. I should be breathing. I should be. I can't breathe. Um, so. I'm having a panic attack. I'm having. Naughty. I'm freaking out. I think I need to. Can I just lay down for a second?

Doodle Poodle: I think you're going to be okay. What? I feel like. Have you gone a little bit loop-de-loop?

Aloysius J. Pig: That's exactly what I said. There's the word. There's the legal term. There was now three people. Pigs and dogs have all agreed that the loop-de-loop process is in session. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He didn't. He didn't know what he was saying. He's a crazy dog who makes drawings. Just let this leave him be. Now, doodle-poodle. I need you to do some sort of art therapy with Bumpercar because he's confused. He ain't know where he is. He ain't know who I am. He ain't know who you is. He ain't know nothing. All right? So, see if you can get him to do some remembering. Maybe through some drawings or something like that.

Doodle Poodle: You understand? I understand. That's why I brought you in. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, Maddie Bumpercar is your name. And what I want you to do is just start saying some words. Okay. And what I'm going to do is make some doodles. And then I'm going to put all your memory brain marbles back together. And you're going to be totally fine. I swear. Okay.

Aloysius J. Pig: Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm just going to accept this. Okay. Okay. That is happening. I'm just going to accept that I'm talking to a pig who says he's my best friend. I am. Uh-huh. Yep. And I'm going to accept that there's a dog who's going to try to do some art therapy on me. Perfecto. And we're going to see what happens. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So, start talking. All right. So, I woke up. I woke up here. In this place with the microphones and everything. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I don't remember anything before I woke up. All right, so listen here. If you don't remember nothing, then this is it. That's the end of the story, and I believe we can put the pencils and the crayons and the cray-pars away because this is a dead end. The man has gone loop-de-loop, and we don't have any repercussions, so we should sign the papers. Just here, why don't you take that crayon and sign this paper, and everything will be done and fine and good and perfect and good and plenty. I don't trust none of this. I don't trust you, Rufus. I don't trust what's happening here. None of this makes no sense. Keep talking to the dog bumper car. We're going to get to the bottom of this. We're going to figure this out. You understand? We're going to get to the bottom of this. But that's everything I remember. I woke up. We're getting some good stuff here. And I was sitting in this chair, and there's a microphone, and the lights are on, and I can't think of anything else. I can't think of anything else. I can't think of anything. Wait. I do remember a smell. So the lights are on. I was sitting here. There was no sound. Okay. But there was an odd smell. Oh. But then you came in, pig. Huh? Pig. Yeah, Aloysius. Okay, and I thought it was maybe you. Wait, what? I'm sorry. I apologize. I bathe. I'm a pig, but I do bathe. You understand? I have my own en suite where I can go in and use the air. It's the restroom. I take showers, everything. We're good. Now, what was this smell? Hold on one second. Where do you think it was coming from? We don't need to worry about no smells. We don't need to. I say the smell is well, and there will dwell. You see? So we don't need to think about any smells or nothing like that. I think this is an open and shut case.

Doodle Poodle: Well, wait a minute. This is done. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Not only am I a dog that makes doodles, but I'm also just a dog. And I have a really good nose. So I'm just going to smell around and see if I can find this. Wait a minute. What is this?

Aloysius J. Pig: No. What is this in the trash can? This is inadmissible. This is incontrovertible. This is nothing at all. We should not be digging through the garbage. What are we, garbage men and pigs and dogs? No, no, no, no, no. Away from that garbage can. Come on now. Now, scoot.

Doodle Poodle: Everybody, scoot.

Aloysius J. Pig: You scoot.

Doodle Poodle: You scoot. What is that? That's a container of that old broccoli cheese soup that has been in the freezer for two years.

Aloysius J. Pig: I don't… Vampica, please tell me you didn't eat that, did you? I don't know. I don't remember, honestly.

Natty Bumpercar: But I do have a weird taste in my mouth. So maybe I did. But if it was in the freezer for so long,

Aloysius J. Pig: then why would I have eaten that? I never would have eaten that. That doesn't make any sense at all. Unless… Let me see that container. Holy cannoli. It has got a piece of purple felt on it. I am looking directly across the room at you, Mr. Rufus T. Rufus, wearing a purple felt jacket.

Doodle Poodle: I believe, sir, that this is an open and shut case. Hold on, guys. You're all talking too quickly, and I'm still trying to draw all this. And I don't just… Hold on. I got… I got a stroke off for Natty's head. And then we were talking about felt. I don't know how to draw fabric, necessarily. And it's just… There's a lot going on right now. So… They like it all to slow down a bit.

Aloysius J. Pig: Now, Mr. Aloysius J. Big, what I understand that you are saying is that you are pointing at me as the pro-quentin-twatter… Quentin… And it's a word. Pro-quentin-twatter of this crime. You're saying that I am a despicable. But what I want you to realize… Is that when you point your hoof, there are other fingers, hoofs, pointing back… No, I don't understand. That doesn't work. When you point your finger… One for… There's four fingers pointing back at you. But when you point your hoof, it's just kind of a… I guess they're all… So you are. You're all… You're pointing everything at me right now. Yes, indeedy-doodle. I sure am. I'm… So, I… If I'm to understand this correctly…

Unknown: Whew.

Aloysius J. Pig: You're my best… You're my best friend, Aloysius J. Pig. You are my lawyer, Rufus T. Rufus. You have papers right there that you're ready for me to sign to turn everything over to you. If I go loop-de-loop… And we find in this trash can a container of some two-year-old soup… That has… The same kind of fabric… That's on your jacket on it. Which makes me think that maybe… You served me this old soup…

Natty Bumpercar: Which caused me… To go a little bit loop-de-loop. Is that what happened? Are you trying to take over everything?

Aloysius J. Pig: Are you trying to take over… What is this thing called? This is called a bumper podcast. Yeah, this is called a bumper podcast. And I do believe that I will be making my ex-zones… And I think I would have gotten… Away with it, you understand? If it wasn't for all of these crazy dogs and crazy pigs and whatnot and… Et cetera.

Doodle Poodle: Well, you better… You better scoot, buddy. You better scoot out of here. Because I don't like what you did to Nanny. And I wasn't even able to make a good drawing. I only got to use my nose. And I'm not nosy, poodle. I'm doodle, poodle.

Aloysius J. Pig: Wow. This is… This is the world I live in? You guys are going to have to, like, re-educate me and tell me how this stuff works. Because I am so confused right now. And I… I'm really sorry that I forgot you. And that I forgot everything.

Unknown: And…

Aloysius J. Pig: Did we record all of this? Yeah, it's basically what we do. We come up with nutty, crazy stuff every couple weeks or so. And then people listen to it and it's all fun. It's all good. You're fine. Don't worry. You're fine. This really isn't that far out of the realm for what we normally do. If I'm to be honest. I absolutely concur on… Well, fine. We told you to scoot. I thought we were all kidding around. I thought we were all joking, etc. I thought we were just playing around. No. No, no, no. All right, everybody. Well, I guess… I guess I'm Natty Bumpercar. And I guess this is the Bumper Podcast. And I hope you had a good time. And I hope you had fun. And I want you to know that I think we're all best friends, right? Yeah. Okay.

Unknown: We'll see you next time.