Tag Archive for: Montclair

I just got back from a truncated walk with Mister (Irving Brown) Socks.

It was a walk that started with my diligent adherence to duties with the taking out of a bunch of recyclables and then it became a slightly more troubled walk as I stumbled deliriously through my typically ire-raising gauntlet of spider webs. The walk was going downhill. I should have read the signs. The signs in the webs.

The night was so splendidly pleasant that I was all ready to make up for the days short-short walks that we had taken earlier . . . and then woosh! One police car whizzed by from behind me. Then, at the corner, I saw another patrol car go by and then, in the other direction, two more – with one continuing straight and the other taking a left away from me.

I was starting to get a bit antsy – because even though I evidently live on a normal thoroughfare for Montclair’s finest . . . This was getting a touch out of control.

From behind me – a police car came up – and I could feel it slow down to check me out. But then, as we got to the corner, it zoomed off. Three more zipped by in all different directions and then, just as soon as I crossed the street, one of the cars pulled over to the curb.

“Excuse me sir.” came the serious voice from the dark of the car. “Uh. Yes?!” I said back – very composed – considering the fact that I wanted to really get to the bottom of all of the cars flying around . . . Who were they hunting? What did that person do??

“Did you just come down that street?” He asked. And again I replied with my completely self-unassured. self-questioning response of “Uh. Yes?!” Then – as he was asking the next question – I heard the little radio say ” . . . wearing a white shirt . .. ” I was wearing a white shirt and was starting to get needlessly skittish. The radio voice continued ” . . . dreadlocks . . .” Well – friends – I don’t have any of those – so I figured that I was in the clear.

The policeman got even more serious than he had been and asked if I had either seen anyone or walked past anyone while I was walking around . . . And even though those two things weren’t necessarily mutually exclusive . . . I pushed my brain past that speed-bump of a paradox and gave him a stern “No, sir.”

This was when I took my opportunity to present my boldest of queries . . . I took a shallow breath and said “Should I . . . Uhm . . . Go back home?!?”

He looked at me . . . and with measured weight said “Yes. You. Should.”

So – when the man with the gun suggests that something be done . . . Guess who jumps to the front of the line to make sure that it is done with a quickness?? Yep – Yep – You guessed it . . . Me. That’s right!

The night and the walk back was’t very far – but – I kind of allowed my imagination to run freely and yowza did I contract some serious case of nerves! I kept looking over my shoulder and hopping at every shadow that Socks was itching to investigate . . . But nothing happened.

A couple of streets away – I could hear little bits of siren and the occasional flash of blue light . . . But nothing beyond that. So now I go to sleep wondering if everything in the world is okay . . . And wondering what the person wearing a white t-shirt with dreadlocks maybe did . . . And why they did it . . . Or – maybe – if something was done to them – and the police are looking for them so that they can help . . . Or something.

The possibilities make my mind race . . . Which is exactly what I am not looking for before I lay my head down to sleep.

Pleasant dreams all.

Late last night – I was walking Mister Irving Brown Socks – excuse me – Uncle Mister Irving Brown Socks – around the block – for his late-nighter.

We had stopped so that he could check out some smell or another – when – all a sudden – out of nowhere – a car zoomed by super-fast. Cars tend to do that all of the time around these parts – so I only thought about it for a hot second (or so).

Well – in that hot second (or so) – everything in the world changed. I heard cackling – felt something hit me in the back of the head – and then looked to the down to see two chocolate pudding containers – their contents splattered all about – lying on the ground. Before I could react at all – the shrieking cackles had faded into the distance.

As I stood there trying to figure out what in the bananas had just happened – I gave myself a bit of a patdown to see where I had been hit. It was at that point that Uncle Irv came over and started licking my boot. He is very helpful.

Let this be a lesson to walkers out there . . . They have pudding and they will use it indescriminantly and with no provocation.

Let this also be a warning to those with pudding who cackle and drive Jeep Cherokees . . . I have eggs – and I am very confident that I know how to use them . . . I scramble them with cheese.

Alright everyone. After a very long moving process (that is still going on behind the scenes here at the new headquarters – which we are still debating a proper name for) . . . we are back at the grill to serve up some sweet sweet stuff to fill all of your needs.

I thought that some things would be farther along than they already are – but throw in rabbits of Easter, a rousing game of far away poker and a dollop of college basketball – and watch as goals slip – slip – slip into the fog.

Welcome back – to me.

Welcome back – to you.

With a few tweaks – an oil can – and some serious elbow grease – this show will be practically back on the road and fully functional before you can even say “boo.”

You said that really fast.

Try again . . . now.