Maybe you are asking why I am just now breaking this incredibly fast paced and nail biting story on you now . . . well – that is because I was just this weekend able to use my gift card to procure my copy of the oft sold out exercise game in a box and scoot along home with it. The absolute best part of the entire thing came – not when I told them that the credit came from me returning GTA4 to purchase this game – because I didn’t – because that would have crossed a line (that I tend to see far too often from the wrong side) and been lame – but – it actually happened when while going to my car to drop the box off. I was in front of one of those nifty new tasty burrito places (that is named after a pepper) and this tiny child (who was walking with his mother) stopped me, pointed and screamed (in only the way that a near hyperventilating from over-excitement child can) that “That man has a yoga Wii!” I was horrified by the immediate influx of attention – and the mother had moved about ten feet away from the conversation (the confrontation) and was about to run for the nearest shadow – when he screamed again “A yoga Wii! My Mom is a yoga instructor . . .” I locked eyes with the too far away mother and gave her the best “help me” look that I could muster – while he continued with “and she wants a yoga Wii and she doesn’t even have a Wii.”

There was a moment of silence – which I took for my chance to leave. The whole front of the restaurant – which was filled to capacity with lunchtime patrons were all staring at the unfolding events and then the child went into an odd mantra where he just kept mumbling things about the “yoga Wii.” With each utterance of the phrase I would shift the box – which I was at this point holding behind my back – from side to side. After I had reached my limit for being humiliated by a five year old – I gave him a pained smile and an “Okay then” before tripping away to the safety of the Jetta – his shrill voice trailing me the whole way.

A couple of days in – my little bird and I have set our profiles up and made some goals and have both gotten to work on hula-hooping our way to some serious fitness. The best part – for me – is that the only thing that I have to worry about driving over is all of the bad health that I have . . . .

Oh – never mind – you get the point.

See you on the slopes!

I recently got caught up in the media snare for Grand Theft Auto 4 – evidently the biggest video game to ever happen anytime anywhere. This was odd on one level – since I had never purchased any of the Grand Theft Auto games – and the only real first person shooter-type of games that I had really dabble in – to any real extent were the last two Halo games – which I hardly count because of all of the hopping and sword play that they allow for as essential parts of the games. It was also especially odd that I – who could hardly be called a person that would be at all susceptible to any kind of blitzkrieg marketing campaign would be draw to this vixen siren of a video game – because I had just days before bought a game that I had been giddily clamoring for – for a long long time. That other game was a Mario Kart that would allow me to play online against my distant pals and which had the added super-straight-awesome of friend codes. My friends could now yet again – even one further step beyond their normal Wii codes – all be categorized in an indecipherable system of numbers and letters that wouldn’t turn out to be at all frustrating to try to set-up games with while on a cell phone and navigating the menus to play one or two nail biting races – hooray!

Anyway – to the point. I bought Mario Kart and really loved it a bunch. Two days later I followed my compulsion and went in and purchased GTA4. I will admit that I did play the new game for a bunch of hours for the first couple of days. Running around, going on a date at a bowling alley in Coney Island, flipping through radio stations and then also the stuff that would end up getting to me the most – which was all of the driving – over people and sidewalks and people that I ended up doing. I would pretty much just sit there and wait for the police to cuff me as I contemplated the guilt that I would feel after going too fast around a corner, hopping a curb and taking out the crowd of people that were milling about in their little fake video game New York. I would then look over at my Wii that was raring to go with a game where I could drive, mini-turbo around hairpin curves and blast people with a variety of colors of shells to my hearts content.

I realized that I had made a grave misjudgment in buying two games in the span of three days – and so I hatched a grand plan. Nintendo was going to be coming out with another silly game for their already silly system – and I kind of knew that I was pretty excited about it – for reasons that I couldn’t really figure out at all. I had come to the conclusion that I was going to walk into the game store, return my hyper-violent game that I had to wear headphones to play to keep the Bumpercar household moderately chaste and then let them know that I would be using the credit to purchase none other than Wii Fit. Don’t worry – I know that there was no real reason to tell them the game that I would be getting with my credit – but I was kind of excited at the prospect of the sneer that would wash across their “hard-core gamer” face when I let them know. And as luck would have it . . . sneer they did.

Hey – what are you looking at anyway?!

Can’t a guy sit in the relaxing-type room of his headquarters holding a teeny little white steering wheel and make a green shelled turtle (a koopa troopa – if you please) zip to and fro effortlessly around a track – racking up first place after first place after first place on really nicely designed tracks? 32 of them in all!

Well – of course he can – if that he is me – or even really if that he is you – and probably definitely also if that he that is a you is also a she – and stuff.

What am I yammering about – true readers?

Well – I haven’t really played it anywhere as much as my obsessive mind would have liked for me to have played it . . . but what I am talking about is the game that has literally caused me to blow the dust from my Nintendo Wii and get the video game bonanza rolling again – the game that is known as Mario Kart Wii. There is nothing more in the world – at most times of the day and night that I would rather be doing (and this is absolutely no slight to anyone/dog on the planet) than playing Mario Kart. So imagine my surprise when I nervously started playing this iteration (after a flawed version – in my humble opinion – that was the hand held Mario Kart Super Circuit for the DS) – and really really enjoyed it – a bunch.

I even made a little bird drive around for a couple of races -as luck would have it – for the first day – we had two wheels with which to play – and so – there we sat side by side driving our little karts around. I was soundly beaten a few times by said bird. I didn’t even mind – since I was enjoying it all so much.

I have now switched over to the nunchuck and wii mote combo. I enjoy the new level of control that they give me as I merrily drive from cup to cup – in search of the perfect gold star – to see what will be unlocked – all the while carrying a green shell on the back of my kart for protection from the never-do-wells trailing far behind me.

The next step will be to figure out how to get into a chat room on my X-Box and then set up some serious racing action with my friends afar . . . one of the only hopes that I have for having a decent old old age is that it is made abundantly clear that wherever I end up – I am able to get online and play games like this with all of my pals.

That – and really getting to the bottom of harnessing the inner macaroni artist that I have been holding down for far too long.

How about them goals?