Tag: kids

Natty Bumpercar: well this is a hoot nanny is what this is hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast oh i actually i recorded 27 seconds a few seconds minutes ago and i listened to it and i was so low energy and i was so depressed and like i was just like i can't even put this out on the internets i don't want these people to have to listen to this garbage garbage no what i want them to listen to is happy bumper car right yes of course my goodness bumper car you're running the bumper podcast the best ship in the seas of all podcasts you should be happy so let me do this i will tell you that last week i went on vacation with the family we went to the beach and um it was it was it was nice if you've ever vacationed with children you know how exhausting it is because everything is disrupted where am i sleeping what am i eating what am i doing why can't i watch my shows you know like what i don't know where my sis toy is well that toy is back at home i want to go back home why would you we're at the beach you should stay here at the beach and play it's much more fun i want my pillow do you have this pillow now for you know it's like it's fun and then so you add on to the uh madcap bedlam uh of the kitties and their broken sleep patterns and and whatnot and uh and we throw in there into the mix ladies and gentlemen the monkey wrench that was a bat a bat a bat in our cabin in our tiny teeny little cabin that had one two three four five six people in it uh it's eight square feet i don't really know how square feet work but i know it's tiny and um one night middle of the night uh there's uh someone's in my room and it was my mother-in-law and she said there's a bat there's a bat in here and i was like what where's her bat i don't see a bat she's like it's out there in the living room kitchen area oh and then you hear now i can hear him flying around flapping his wings and it was terrifying bat sounds terrible when they're flying like they're i they're we need to invent some sort of bat muffler like a uh maybe some felt or something like a little jacket or a little uh a vest that bats can wear so they don't sound so disgustingly horribly grossy yuck when they're flying around because when they're flying it's just like i don't want to hear that so i open the door to assess the situation you know it's just like in my head is this like a little bat or what no it was a giant giant bat like take your children away type of bat and he when i opened the door he flew at the door because i guess his little sonar was just like oh there's food over there i'm gonna go and eat i know so i slammed the door the bat went some other place so then i had to crawl to the window to all the doors and say don't leave your door there's a bat in there he's on you to go in there because there's a bat he's flying around you'll even be right and uh open the back door open the screen doors to the bat you know oh maybe he's gonna do what he did to me and just fly right out this door no he keeps flying father-in-law has a a towel a beach towel big beach towel that's just flopping in the air hits the bat bat falls on the ground does not fly he's flying around able to uh put the towel on top of the bat to get him out so the bat gets back up he's flying around some more circles right at your head like i was i was it was very comical it was very like i'm in a movie and this is what people look like in movies when they're trying to get away from a bat it was me uh trying not to yell out any horrible words uh because the bat and then the bat disappears into the wall there's a heating vent no one believes me that i see the bat going to the heating vent they're all like no he escaped you didn't see him i saw him we leave a towel on top of the heating vent a few days later wife screams in the middle of the night wife screams i run into the room scratch scratch scratch scratch the bat is in the walls now people the bat is in the walls so everybody now baby wife me kid all the same tiny room not enough room to move not enough room to breathe vacations are stressful