Tag: kids

  • Bumperpodcast #309 – Halloween Kids

    Bumperpodcast #309 – Halloween Kids

    The kids and I babble on about Halloween, and stuff. They are harder to herd than kittens.

    Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    It’s almost too much to bear – isn’t it? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Don’t forget to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976.

     

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

     

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic Halloween special of the Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is joined by two young guests, Ollie and Emerson, for a wild conversation about trick-or-treating, costumes, and candy. The trio discusses their Halloween adventures including two parades, parties, and collecting candy—including full-size candy bars that mysteriously went missing. They also talk about their carved pumpkin named "Daddy Junior Oliver Junior" that was eaten by squirrels, and debate whether pumpkins are fruits or vegetables. The episode features improvisational comedy, chaotic energy, and plans for next year's Halloween yard decorations involving Muppets and cliffs.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Hey, little kids, if you think a pumpkin is a vegetable, it's a fruit, everyone.”

    — Ollie

    “The face was taken off because those little, little squirrels are eating my little pumpkin.”

    — Emerson

    “The only thing this basement is haunted by is by the dog peeing in it.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #halloween #trick-or-treating #candy #costumes #pumpkins #kids #family

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh hello there everyone it's me natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast and today i have two very special guests who are you you're who that's not even a name is it is that your name yeah that's a nice name and what's your name emerson yeah yeah he was trying to think of something pretty pretty clever you're trying to be clever and slick eh what are we what are we talking about today guys oh i know who i am oh wait now you know who you are perfect who are you i'm just gonna sing oh you're that's your name oh

    Unknown: hi just gonna sing how you doing no i'm thinking of my name okay you clearly said sing no i didn't

    Natty Bumpercar: i don't like to sing you don't do you like the movie sing no okay ollie do you like the movie sing yeah what's your favorite character on the movie sing johnny who's johnny which one is he

    Unknown: he's a gorilla silly

    Natty Bumpercar: he's a silly gorilla or am i a silly silly

    Unknown: so oh wait perfect who are you um i'm oh uh

    Natty Bumpercar: oh hey what's up jay how you doing huh you jay you in my house huh you like to sing i heard huh

    Unknown: no i don't like to sing i hate singing oh okay

    Natty Bumpercar: hey so jay what are you gonna talk about today huh we're gonna talk about something what are we gonna talk about um what are you here for on the on the

    Unknown: trick-or-treating we're gonna talk about trick-or-treating and halloween nope

    Natty Bumpercar: oh yeah i think that it's a good idea i think it's a fun thing we can recap you can just talk buddy what what are you gonna whisper to me okay so emerson had something to whisper to me And we had to pause the podcast. But now we're back. And now we're going to talk about, I don't know, trick-or-treating Halloween. We're going to talk about trick-or-treating. We're going to talk about costumes and trick-or-Halloween-ing.

    Unknown: What's the blue stuff?

    Natty Bumpercar: The blue stuff down there?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's just, those are called waveforms. And when you record, when you talk into a microphone, the computer is taking in your sound. Cool. And it's giving you a graphical representation of what the peaks and valleys of your voice are. So if you talk a little bit louder, then you'll notice that the peaks up there go a little bit higher, huh? And if you talk really quietly, then they're going to be really, really, really low. Yeah, right? So, Ollie, what did you do for Halloween? I got candy. Do you love candy?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, Emerson got a lot of candy. You know, some. Some people were giving out full-size. Candy bars. Candy bars. I saw a full-size Snickers bar.

    Unknown: And I lost it.

    Natty Bumpercar: You lost it?

    Unknown: And I also lost my full-size Snick-um-Skittles.

    Natty Bumpercar: How does that happen? How does that?

    Unknown: I think I left them at, I think I left them at.

    Natty Bumpercar: Blah and Blah's house?

    Unknown: No, not Blah and Blah's house. I. What are you doing? I left them at my coffee shop. Right, Daddy?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, that's right. That's it. I'm not being sarcastic.

    Unknown: I'm not being sarcastic.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm not being sarcastic at all. I'm not being sarcastic. So, what did we do? That was a big day. We had two parades. Ollie had a parade and then you had a, and then, and then we had to pick you up and they got you dressed. What was your costume?

    Unknown: I can't hear you guys. Oh, I know who it is. I know who it is. It's, it's. Oh, the music stopped. Don't worry. It's, it's. Oh, that's weird.

    Natty Bumpercar: Is it somebody from?

    Unknown: Pickle and Peanut.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no, not Pickle and Peanut. Pickle and Peanut's scary. Yeah. What is Pickle and Peanut? Don't they do a lot of songs like, oosh, oosh, oosh, oosh. Oosh, oosh, oosh. Pickle and Peanut. Oosh, oosh, oosh, oosh. Oosh, oosh, oosh, oosh. What do you want? Pickle and Peanut. Pickle, Pickle and, Pickle and Peanut.

    Unknown: So cute. We made the show, everyone.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Did you, and we went to, so we had two parades and then we went to a party. What'd you do, what'd you do at the party?

    Unknown: We ate lots of candy.

    Natty Bumpercar: At the party you did?

    Unknown: What party?

    Natty Bumpercar: The first party.

    Unknown: The Justin. Oh, we ate Rice Krispies. Justin.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, no, not that party. That's a birthday party.

    Unknown: Justin.

    Natty Bumpercar: But that was a birthday party. That was a birthday party. We went to a Halloween party, remember?

    Unknown: Oh, yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: And it was a backyard. It was a backyard and you guys were swinging.

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Unknown: Wait, what on what?

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you have any recollection of Halloween at all?

    Unknown: What did you say, Dad?

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you remember anything from Halloween?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: No.

    Unknown: What did you say, guys?

    Natty Bumpercar: I said, do you remember anything from Halloween?

    Unknown: There can't be a game.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, give this to Emerson. It's his turn. You guys are awesome.

    Unknown: Oh, come on. Wait. Microphone. Microphone.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, what are we going to do now?

    Unknown: I think.

    Natty Bumpercar: I feel like we've had better conversations. Remember, we weren't going to yell because you know what that does? What? It hurts people's ears.

    Unknown: Yeah, man. And then they get amnesia.

    Natty Bumpercar: And then they get amnesia.

    Unknown: And then their ear bleeds.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, my goodness. This is taking a real turn for the worse.

    Unknown: And then their ears blow up.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, my goodness. Because this is the worst story I've ever heard in my entire life.

    Unknown: And then the ears are dead.

    Natty Bumpercar: All right, well, so, since they have no, don't touch the microphone, since they have no recollection as to what happened on Halloween, which I was told we were going to talk about.

    Unknown: About, we were talking about candy, and Daddy was going to be like.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did we give out any candy at our house?

    Unknown: Nope.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, why not?

    Unknown: Because I stole a little bit.

    Natty Bumpercar: You did?

    Unknown: Yeah. Now I have. Now I have 100. 59 pieces.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, remember what happened to our pumpkin, where we carved it, and then we put it out, and then we came home, and what had happened to it?

    Unknown: The face fell off because of the.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did the face fall off, or was the face taken off?

    Unknown: The face was taken off because those little, little squirrels are eating my little pumpkin.

    Natty Bumpercar: And then what did you do? Daddy Junior. That's the name of the pumpkin? I didn't know the pumpkin had a name. And I really didn't know it was named Daddy Pumpkin. Daddy Junior.

    Unknown: And his last name was Oliver Junior.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's his last name? Yeah. So his first name is Daddy Junior, and his last name is Oliver Junior?

    Unknown: And his nickname is Allison Junior.

    Natty Bumpercar: And his nickname, this is ridiculous. No, it's not.

    Unknown: His nickname, no, his nickname's called Pumpkin Man.

    Natty Bumpercar: Pumpkin Man, Pumpkin Man, doing everything that a pumpkin can.

    Unknown: And that flat pumpkin that we put it outside, his name is called Oliver Superhero. Oliver Superhero.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's a really funny name. That's not true. So is Super his middle name?

    Unknown: Hey, little kids, if you think a pumpkin is a vegetable, it's a fruit, everyone. Wait, is that true? Yeah. And you make pumpkin pie, guys.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's true, everyone.

    Unknown: I don't know if that's true.

    Natty Bumpercar: It grows on the ground.

    Unknown: It is. Well, it's a gourd.

    Natty Bumpercar: It does sprout, yeah. I feel like now we're getting into something.

    Unknown: And then it grows. And then it grows green, and then it grows a big, big, big orange pumpkin. And do you know, we're in a haunted basement.

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't feel like this basement is haunted, is it?

    Unknown: No, because.

    Natty Bumpercar: The only thing this basement is haunted by is by the dog peeing in it. Ew.

    Unknown: There's ghosts.

    Natty Bumpercar: What? There's ghosts. There's ghosts?

    Unknown: Can I have one of your paintings, please?

    Natty Bumpercar: No. You've already got several in your room.

    Unknown: Really?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Unknown: There's several. Who, Dad?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I hear you. You're sitting on my lap. I can see you saying, ooh. Ooh. You're not a very. Whoa. Now, what is that? That, I have no idea what it was. Oh, my goodness. I'm so scared. Ooh. Ew, fox pee. Oh, stop it, Emerson. That's rude. Let's go. That's doggy potty talk. All right. Well, so that was our Halloween. We went trick-or-treating. We went to two parties. We did two parades. We went out walking for about an hour and a half, and then we came home, and no one had come to our house except for a squirrel who ate our pumpkin. The end. And we all got stomach aches, and the next day, it was very rough to go to school. Some people didn't want to go to school, and some people had a very rough day at school because we have a difficult time. If we have a big night the next day, watch out, right?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. That's what happened to you. Ooh.

    Unknown: There's a ghost.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, my goodness. Oh, and there was a cool house that had a Jaws theme, and they had all these cool cut-out wooden things, and we've decided that next year, we're going to try to do some sort of cool yard theme, right? Oh, bless you. Do you know what it's going to be?

    Unknown: I think it's going to be Mermaid. It's Halloween.

    Natty Bumpercar: I think it was. Yeah, you're right. It was the Muppets Save Halloween. Good job.

    Unknown: I think it was Elmo Saving Cookie Monster because evil. Grover was pushing him off a cliff, and then Elmo saved him, and he pushed Monster Grover off the cliff, and that's the end.

    Natty Bumpercar: It sounds like we have to build a cliff.

    Unknown: Oh, a real live one?

    Natty Bumpercar: A real live cliff is what we have to build, yes.

    Unknown: How hard.

    Natty Bumpercar: How hard. What? Both of your English language skills have deteriorated. How deep. There you go. How deep. Super deep. Deep. It was super duper deep.

    Unknown: How long was that?

    Natty Bumpercar: Super duper. That's super duper deep. I hit that bass. Boom, bing, boom, bing, boom. That was not very good. I was excited about the song, but then I had the accordion in my head in the wrong state. All right. Can everybody say one, two, three, goodbye? One, two, three.

    Unknown: Goodbye.

    Natty Bumpercar: Emerson, you didn't do it. We're supposed to do it as a team. We're going to say one, two, three. Goodbye. And then it was going to. Goodbye.

    Unknown: Goodbye.

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  • Bumperpodcast #297 – Kid Chaos

    Bumperpodcast #297 – Kid Chaos

    Oh no. After a successful appearance, the kids are back – and so is the chaos. Pig stops by to help as well!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    Do you like chaos? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is joined by his two young sons for an unpredictable conversation that ranges from cutting down a backyard tree to imaginary dog treat pizza. The boys discuss their father's tree-cutting adventures, their recent trip to the city for a comedy show, and their excitement about joining a pool. The episode features plenty of sibling banter, microphone mishaps, and Oliver's increasingly wild stories about driving dogs and bone guns. Natty struggles to keep the conversation on track while his sons create elaborate fictional scenarios involving their dog Socks eating special pizza and breaking health codes.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I didn't go to the city. You went to the city? We went to a show. What show? You and me did jokes.”

    — Unknown (child)

    “So let me get this straight. You can't sit next to Emerson eating strawberries but you can sit next to Socks eating dog poop pizza?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Welcome to Distraction City. Population, those two.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #family #kids #parenting #comedyshow #summeractivities #pool #pets #chaos

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and i have some exciting news the tree is gone i'm not i'm not even gonna bury the lead i'm just gonna come right out and i'm gonna tell you the tree is gone i hear feet above me which means that there are people running to be on the show which is very exciting because oh there's two people coming i can't do a podcast without you guys that's right oh boy ladies and gentlemen we have two special guests here today three i was not oh we have three because the dog came in too that is this morning very exciting i was asleep and uh the dog got away he did and i had to go save him come back the dog's now okay all right so all right the dog's gone the dog is no longer

    Unknown: on the show so the dog is scared what's the dog scared of i don't know maybe this

    Natty Bumpercar: hey why don't you put your butt right here there you go my dog what are you talking about hey is that what you're gonna talk is that what you're gonna say what he's

    Unknown: gone

    Natty Bumpercar: what are you gonna talk about were you guys so surprised yesterday when you came home went out and why were you surprised because i was here or were you just surprised that i brought

    Unknown: you home come on bo i didn't i wasn't surprised nothing happened no nothing nothing happened

    Natty Bumpercar: no or did something big happen um the backyard is not different at all oh the backyard's different daddy daddy cut the tree down no he did done done done why is that ollie why did i cut the

    Unknown: tree down why did i cut the tree down cosズ he's the cutting man, wat is the cutting man and all of her cuddys

    Natty Bumpercar: daddy is the cutting 162 00rj what does a cutting man do

    Unknown: he cuts down the tree

    Natty Bumpercar: chops down trees like a boss

    Unknown: whut, that doesn't make no sense

    Natty Bumpercar: does that mean anything to you

    Unknown: all of the cutting man no he's not no i'm

    Natty Bumpercar: he's the chopping boy

    Unknown: chopping boy and i have a little tweezer that baby snaps those branches up its my tree

    Natty Bumpercar: no you don't have a tree

    Unknown: a tree. They don't make no sense. Daddy, do you remember? When I showed you that tree, you said, be careful. No. He's going to break you. Watch out.

    Natty Bumpercar: We're going to switch over to here, but you can still keep talking to Emerson.

    Unknown: So, anyway. So, Emerson,

    Natty Bumpercar: if Oliver was the shopping boy, what were you?

    Unknown: I know his name. I don't want to tell.

    Natty Bumpercar: You don't want to tell everybody? The dreamy. Oh, good job. That's why he broke the microphone. I told you he was going to do it. That's why we don't touch things all the time, guys.

    Unknown: Now he broke it forever? Yes, forever.

    Natty Bumpercar: There's no need to yell, because the microphone's right there. And you've got headphones on, so you can hear yourself talk.

    Unknown: Yeah, that's creepy.

    Natty Bumpercar: Remember how he just broke it by touching it?

    Unknown: Oh, yeah. I remember how he broke it. So, you're still touching it. It's amazing.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why does he keep touching it? Whose children are these? So, you were surprised by the tree being gone? Yeah, a little bit. I didn't show you guys the photos and videos of it, did I? Yeah, you did. Oh, I showed you at school. That's right. Here, here's what you guys can do. You didn't show Oliver. Did you show the little one? I'm going this ear. Because he didn't see the tree. There, does that work? I guess you're not talking about the tree anymore. I don't know what's happening. This is a weird episode. See, isn't it weird how you can hear yourself talk anyway? Well, it's headphones. It's not that weird. So, what else did Daddy do yesterday?

    Unknown: Oh, yeah. Imagine he took a nap or something. He's making me so hurting. He's hurting. Fix the boy. You definitely didn't touch it. Take a shower. I can tell that. Oliver, I'm not going to wear the microphone. All right, take them off. I wish I could tell my story. Why are you touching the microphone? I just get excited. I don't know. I love animals really much like that. I like animals, too.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you have animals on your shirt? Why are you trying to climb?

    Unknown: Because I want to get to the microphone.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you want to stand, too? Wow, you guys are

    Unknown: out of control. They're out of control. Daddy just hit the microphone.

    Natty Bumpercar: Welcome to Distraction City. Population, those two.

    Unknown: Daddy's distracted. Stop spitting.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you spit?

    Unknown: No, Oliver keeps on making the breath on me. What's he doing? Stop making the breath on me. It smells bad, I guess.

    Natty Bumpercar: Does it pig breath? It's just talking to the microphone.

    Unknown: Don't yell.

    Natty Bumpercar: What did Daddy do yesterday besides a tree? Something you're both excited about.

    Unknown: Is it food?

    Natty Bumpercar: Man, you guys are good at answering questions today. I'm trying. You know what? After your last appearance, everyone's excited about you being on the show. I mean, I was.

    Unknown: Stop putting your breath on me. I see the backyard. That's the front yard. Yeah, it's the front. So anyway, I want to tell us…

    Natty Bumpercar: Oliver keeps on putting his breath on you. Hey, Ollie, can you stop putting your breath on people? It's so much cleaning. It smells like… Come on. He just woke up. He just ate some food. Can a dog smell a little bit?

    Unknown: It smells like rotten teeth breath.

    Natty Bumpercar: Ollie, do you have rotten teeth breath? Oh, no. Done, done.

    Unknown: He's going to have to go to the doctor.

    Natty Bumpercar: Now I have rotting teeth breath. Wait, is it catching?

    Unknown: Somebody smell my breath. Smell my breath.

    Natty Bumpercar: We're going to have to go to the dentist and get all of our teeth pulled. Oh, yeah, the dentist. I said doctor. No, I don't want to do that. Golly gee. Golly, golly gee. Good voice you're doing. You're so heavy. I can't hold you like this. Daddy? Yes, sir. Oliver.

    Unknown: What are you… Wait, on Sunday… Oliver. On Sunday, are we having a babysitter? Babysitter?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, on Sunday, we're having the whole family over. Who? No, come on.

    Unknown: Not all of them. It's Mother's Day.

    Natty Bumpercar: Mother is a pig. That's on Sunday, again. What's Saturday? I've said that a few times. Do we have a babysitter on Sunday? No, we do not. I just said… On Saturday? We don't have a babysitter this weekend. There's no babysitter this weekend.

    Unknown: But you said… Can I babysit?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oliver, what day do we have a babysitter?

    Unknown: I don't know. It's like a mystery now. Oh, June 10th.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I know. June 10th. June 10th is the worst. I can't believe it.

    Unknown: I can't believe it.

    Natty Bumpercar: No. That would be the worst thing ever.

    Unknown: The worst?

    Natty Bumpercar: Why would you say that? Oh, my goodness.

    Unknown: Then Mommy would never see you again. That'd be so sad.

    Natty Bumpercar: And Mommy would cry.

    Unknown: Could I have his bed? I'm joking. That was a hilarious joke.

    Natty Bumpercar: Never mind. Guys, where did we go last weekend? We went to the city. And what did we do?

    Unknown: I didn't go to the city. You went to the city? We went to a show. What show? You and me did jokes.

    Natty Bumpercar: I did jokes and you guys came? You went to a show? Did you have fun?

    Unknown: Comedy show? Maybe.

    Natty Bumpercar: Maybe.

    Unknown: Socks came too. No, he did not. Yes, we did.

    Natty Bumpercar: Was Socks in the back seat of the car?

    Unknown: Yeah, probably. No, he wasn't. No. Oliver ate… Socks ate pizza. Oliver ate pizza. Why did he eat pizza? Because he was sneaking in.

    Natty Bumpercar: You ate pizza because you were sneaking in?

    Unknown: This is ridiculous. Socks ate pizza with me.

    Natty Bumpercar: You guys went to a pizza parlor together?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: What kind of pizza did you get?

    Unknown: I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Cheese pizza. What kind of pizza did Socks get? Dog treat pizza.

    Unknown: There's no such thing as dog treat pizza. Dog treat pizza. That sounds yummy.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's only for dogs. It's my favorite kind though.

    Unknown: That smells yucky. Dog treat pizza? Depends on what they're on. It's only for dogs. So if I went into a pizza place and I ordered a dog treat pizza, they wouldn't give it to me? No way. Only for Socks.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, man. What if… So I'd have to have Socks next to me. Or maybe I'd have to pay Socks to buy the dog treat pizza so that I could go outside

    Unknown: and eat it. How are you going to pay the dog?

    Natty Bumpercar: He doesn't even have a wife. He doesn't even have a wife. He doesn't even have a wife. It tastes like poop dogs. Ew. Dogs don't eat that. That sounds disgusting.

    Unknown: There's no way. It tastes for people. It's only for dog treats for only dogs.

    Natty Bumpercar: There is no way that the health code is not being violated by him selling dog poop.

    Unknown: There's no way that they're going to let him do that.

    Natty Bumpercar: They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog.

    Unknown: They didn't even let me in restaurants.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you sit next to him while he ate that pizza?

    Unknown: And I ate mine cheese.

    Natty Bumpercar: So let me get this straight. You can't sit next to Emerson eating strawberries but you can sit next to Socks eating dog poop pizza?

    Unknown: It doesn't make sense. No. It's the dog treat pizza. Then I'll try it. I drove Socks back here.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait, you drove the dog back here? That doesn't make any sense at all. You can't even reach the pedals.

    Unknown: That kid's going straight to jail.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're so tiny. you said door to open the door how did you get out of the car like a delinquent uh-oh i had a gun

    Unknown: he had a what what in the world what are you teaching these kids

    Natty Bumpercar: i don't even believe what i'm hearing right now this is not my ollie this is not who you are you do not move out drive dogs around with guns that you shoot to the pizza place that's too much no

    Unknown: i got out how i got out i got a gun and he got out come on did you break our car do you think mommy's gonna like you talking no she ain't like no not even a little bit if you if you push you down there what are you gonna push people down what what now what are you talking

    Natty Bumpercar: about that's the second time even on the show and you've done uh an infringement of copyright that we cannot you can't afford

    Unknown: it's batman i see batman little one's leaving i see batman everybody what is he talking about batman the bobblehead oh he's over there and i have and i have and i have a star wars guy what is it's like a real divergence that's a good transition i'm glad that we went from the and he has a bone gun a what he has a bone what is a bone gun i don't even know what words i mean

    Natty Bumpercar: it's like a bone gun does it shoot bones so did you emerson did you go to the city as well yeah and what was your favorite part

    Unknown: we go with everything i don't know well i mean did you like the show the whole experience i like the show and i liked everything were you embarrassed no i would be embarrassed scared no did you like

    Natty Bumpercar: that they put daddy up first yeah i wish i would have put me up first that's okay um and then we came home right and we played a little bit we've been playing we've been scootering right

    Unknown: we were scootering yes you guys been going outside all the time in the front driveway

    Natty Bumpercar: well that is true thanks thanks thanks for backing me up on that one that one's true

    Unknown: but uh the pool i wish i could have told a story oh yeah the pool but it makes so much more sense we joined the pool yeah yeah yeah which means

    Natty Bumpercar: but you're not gonna bring me what is he saying ollie that is not polite what is this kid on we're gonna go as soon as we can oliver not polite sir uh whenever whenever the pool joins then we i mean whenever uh words words are you gonna bring socks to the pool

    Unknown: you know there's no dogs allowed i i trust you but there's a german shepherd one no it wasn't at the pool no no that was at the mystery icon

    Natty Bumpercar: whose friend who's whose dog was that who's friend of yours um me it was michelle's dog and his name is name is michelle's dog and his name is michelle's dog and his name is Dog and his name is name zoo name and name

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  • Bumperpodcast #294 – Laser Lightning Pancakes

    Bumperpodcast #294 – Laser Lightning Pancakes

    Lasers – Lightning – Explosions – Pancakes! It’s a hyperactive and hyper-short edition of the Bumperpodcast!

    Do you eat breakfast? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    This is a ‘Laser Lightning’ version of the Bumperpodcast – which is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this lightning-fast episode of the Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar attempts to deliver what he calls a "laser episode" – promising explosive speed and brevity. After getting tangled up in his own time measurements involving eye blinks, hiccups, and heartbeats, Natty settles on a three-minute runtime, harking back to the podcast's earliest days. The episode takes a chaotic turn as he shares a morning breakfast struggle with his kids, who torment him by jokingly suggesting they eat the dog, then bacon (much to the distress of his friend Pig), before finally settling on pancakes. It's classic Bumperpodcast mayhem packed into a bite-sized format.

    Memorable Quotes

    “this episode is going to be so quick so fast that it's going to be over before you even blink your eyes”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “they decided they wanted to eat the dog for breakfast because they thought it was hilarious to torture me”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “i said no and then one said bacon and i was like why would you do that pig's my best friend”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #time #breakfast #parenting #sleep #shortepisodes #chaos #kids #food

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: this is what i like to call a laser episode of the bumper podcast it's lasers it's lightning it's lasers it's lightning it's lasers lasers lightning lightning lasers lasers explosions like that like what i'm saying is this episode is going to be so quick so fast that it's going to be over before you even blink your eyes i don't know how often you blink your eyes because i've never hung out with you maybe but i'm guessing that you blink your eyes wait did i say it's gonna be i forgot okay i got excited i can't remember if i said that it was going to be shorter than an eye blink or longer than in between it let me think because if you do that logically i mean i blink my eyes i another time there i blink my eyes a lot okay so it's not gonna be as uh short as as as quick punch as in between eye blinks because that's it would be over already and that'd be done and that episode wouldn't even make any sense to put that wouldn't even be like a promo that wouldn't even be like a teaser so it's not i think i need a new uh system of time uh counting that sounded very scientific uh let's see uh so eye blinks are out what other uh hiccups how often do you hiccup no that's going to be too long because you if you go like a week without hiccup i can't do a week-long episode they're they're not gonna let me upload that uh so heartbeats again no uh how about this this episode this laser lightning laser lightning laser lightning explosion episode of the bumper podcast is going to be about three minutes long that's right we're taking it back to how long the episodes were when we first started doing the bumper podcast not for all the episodes but just for this one because it's an episode how are we supposed to deal with that how are we supposed to live with that when there's only 30 seconds left fine i'll tell you something this morning i got up my kids didn't know what they wanted to eat for breakfast it was the first night in a week that they have let me sleep through the night which is amazing i feel like a million bucks and i said what do you want for breakfast i don't know well what do you want do you want this that this that this that this that they decided they wanted to eat the dog for breakfast because they thought it was hilarious to torture me by saying they wanted to eat the dog i said no and then one said bacon and i was like why would you do that pig's my best friend and then we decided you know what they were gonna eat pancakes

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  • Bumperpodcast #280 – Christmas Kid Excitement

    Bumperpodcast #280 – Christmas Kid Excitement

    The kids are excited to join the Bumperpodcast to talk about Christmas. Until they aren’t! Then Bumpercar takes over to round out the cheer!

    Did you have any cheer left? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this festive episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar sits down with two special young guests, Emerson and Oliver, to discuss all things Christmas. The energetic duo shares stories about their household elf named Elfie the Snow Monster, decorating their Christmas tree, and even performs an enthusiastic rendition of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." The conversation takes hilarious turns as the kids reveal what they want from Santa (a toy car and a toy dinosaur) and Natty reflects on the exhausting yet wonderful chaos of the holiday season. Between managing excited children, pondering why Santa always loses his toy sack in every Christmas special, and joking about a fictional sponsor called "Sack Finder," Natty delivers a charming and chaotic holiday episode that captures the true spirit of Christmas at Bumperpodcast headquarters.

    Memorable Quotes

    “This is the worst podcast ever… oh no you sound like my reviews on iTunes.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Never work with children or animals. Except do, because it's nice.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Every cartoon where Christmas is in danger of not happening, it's all because Santa has misplaced his sack.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #christmas #children #santaclaus #family #holidays #rudolph #elfontheshelf #singing

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh hi everybody it's me natty bumper car and i am sitting here with two of my favorite people in the whole entire world what is your name emerson and what is your name and what are we here to talk about today christmas we're here to talk about christmas that's right here you can listen into that one um so are we excited about christmas yeah do you guys think you're gonna get any presents for christmas yeah um has we had an elf in our house for like 25 days yeah what's

    Unknown: the elf's name oh um elfie the snow monster elfie the snow monster that's so scary yes you can put

    Natty Bumpercar: the headphones on okay guys now we're flying blind i don't have any uh way to monitor the sound i apologize so what has been your favorite part of the christmas season so far that's the only one snowy it's only snowed one little time though i know holly don't worry about the headphones all you're hearing is the same thing you're hearing out here the headphones are not exciting trust me yeah um they like to focus on the headphones sometimes when we should be focusing on christmas yeah let's focus on should we should we go get a tree today no we already have a tree we already have a tree in our house yes our elf is on it and oliver did you decorate the tree yeah what'd you put on it he broke some stuff uh-oh dun dun dun what he was kind of naughty oliver were you naughty this year yes ollie tell me tell me ollie how are you naughty because you're not naughty because you

    Unknown: were doing bad stuff mo mo mo emerson were you a little bit naughty too yeah did you have to go

    Natty Bumpercar: see the principal last week stop it let's stop last week but ollie i need you i need you to go

    Unknown: in out your Aw Roxo because he broke his stuff we're gonna have to give you a bad story oh how you are you gonna laugh all right when i'm in Algiers how thoughts do you have about it tag us on clapping your hand shows me a tie WEL Gateway that's the used car box in our home we're gonna saw try do something

    Natty Bumpercar: and you can dial I don't know why we're a little dizzy I care about irgendwie I think you're going to care over that

    Unknown: you for the big uh for the big you want to play you don't want to record we're gonna record some

    Natty Bumpercar: fun songs this is the worst podcast ever ollie this is the worst podcast ever but it was supposed to be oh no you sound like my reviews on itunes no this is supposed to be the best podcast ever hold on ollie stop yelling ollie i heard you had a special guest at your school did somebody come to your school one day who came to your school everybody came but didn't you have a special guest at your christmas party who came to your christmas party you know if you just nod they're not going to hear you something you don't remember who came didn't he have a red suit on and some bells or something who was it did santa claus come to your school and what did you guys do you sang songs that's well should we sing a song or two right now okay what song should we sing do you like rudolph the red-nosed reindeer you you can talk now i just want you to talk over him are you abstaining from talking now you guys are you guys are worked up this morning saw it you guys sing louder sing really loud sing as loud as you can one two three

    Unknown: yeah

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah

    Unknown: yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like light double oh love the other

    Natty Bumpercar: start laughing call him

    Unknown: she gets a smell uh uh killed

    Natty Bumpercar: that's not nice

    Unknown: until here

    Natty Bumpercar: you got stuff 다

    Unknown: All right. And they shouted out with glee. You're not, you're not. All right. And Rudolph,

    Natty Bumpercar: the red-nosed reindeer, he'll go down in history. That was very good, Ollie. Yeah, sure. Can I ask you real quick a couple questions? What do you think Santa's going to bring you for Christmas? Or what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?

    Unknown: A toy car. A toy dino.

    Natty Bumpercar: A toy dino? That sounds kind of scary. It's not going to scare Santa Claus? Okay. Emerson, what do you want for Christmas? Nothing? You're going to be quiet? Oh, well, this didn't turn into the magical podcast that we were hoping it was going to turn into, did it?

    Unknown: Um, what do you want for Christmas? Eh, nothing?

    Natty Bumpercar: Nothing? I guess he doesn't want anything. Oh, well, this is going to be an easy year for Santa Claus, then.

    Unknown: Em.

    Natty Bumpercar: Emmy, Ollie's talking to you. If you don't want to talk to me, you want to talk to Ollie?

    Unknown: Em.

    Natty Bumpercar: Em. Okay. Emmy's going to go. Hold on. I got to, you guys are very difficult to hold on to. Here, give me the headphones. All right. Well, so that was the kids. They really didn't last very long. They were pretty excited about Christmas. They were pretty excited about podcasts. And then, oh, they're not. They're abstaining from their excitement for the podcast. So, that's how that works out. Oh, never work with children or animals. Except do, because it's nice. Uh, so, yeah, there's a lot of excitement here around headquarters. And, um, we have the, the tree is up. It's all decorated. The house is decorated. There's lights outside. There's, uh, bubbles and bits and bunions and doodads all over the place. Elfie the Snow Monster, this is his last night in the house. It's very depressing. It's very depressing. He's had quite the run this year. Elfie the Snow Monster, that's right. And, um, yeah, man. Whew. What an exhausting, what, it's the most fun time of the year, but it's also the most exhausting time of the year, because there's so much to do. There's so much you want to go to, like, there's, there's little parties. There's Christmas parties. There's, there's, uh, Hanukkah parties. We went to one. There's, I mean, there's so much going on. And, um, uh, and then there's a lot of, uh, there's a lot of work, because it seems like what happens with work is everyone kind of waits. I don't know, maybe after, like, they're like, oh, man, it's Thanksgiving. I'm just going to hang out and wait. And then Thanksgiving happens, and then they're like, oh, man, I'm going to hold out and wait for another week or so. And then, boom, out of nowhere, they're like, here's all the work in the world. You do it. And you're like, I don't want to do all the work in the world. And you're like, you're going to do all the work in the world. And then you're tired. I'm always tired, though. You know what I want in, uh, I want to do in my stocking. I want some, uh, vitamin B12. That's what I want. I think it's going to be a perfect present. Hey, Ollie, am I going to get anything in my stocking? What am I going to get in my stocking? Um, he's so far away from the microphone, so you're not going to hear him. Um, a telescope in my stocking? That sounds like the best I think ever. So I can see, wait, is that what telescopes are? They show you where stars are? What else show you? Um, where mountains are? Where mountains are? What about planets? Stars and planets and maybe even, I don't know, meteors and comets? Awesome. Can you, do you know the names of all the different reindeer? You know, Dasher and Dancer and Donner and Blitzen, Comet and Cupid and… Uh-oh. Donner and Blitzen. Oh, no! I got confused. But do you recall the most famous reindeer of them all? What's his name? That is his name! Which is kind of rough for the other reindeer, because they had this young Turk of a reindeer just show up on the scene and just because he has a red shiny nose, all of a sudden he's everybody's favorite. How do you think Donner feels about that? How do you think Blitzen feels about that? Do you think they like him? I do too. I think everybody probably loves him. Everybody loves Rudolph, because he, you know, he brings a little something to the table. A little something extra. A little something red, if you will. Uh, we were watching a Christmas special this morning and I can't remember, it was Winnie the Pooh, but here's what happens. Guess what happens? Santa loses his toy sack. It happens all the time. Paw Patrol. Santa's lost his sack. This sack gone. Every, every cartoon I feel like that I see where Christmas is in danger of not happening. It's all because Santa has misplaced his sack. Uh, and so that's where we bring up our first sponsor, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, it's, what is all this? I'm getting all kinds of messages. Buzz, buzz, buzz, boom. Uh, Sack Finder. Uh, you just put this, uh, this Bluetooth device onto your Christmas sack and then you can track it from this app in your phone. So if you are constantly losing your bag, please use Sack Finder. Okay, so that's our first sponsor we've ever had. It's very exciting. We're gonna start paying for things. It's not true. None of it's true. But yeah, I, uh, I was like, oh, this is the running through line in all of the, uh, the Santa stories. It's that he loses the magic bag. The magic bag that has all the toys in it so he can't then deliver them to all the girls and boys. Santa, keep track of the, like, maybe it should be in a case where you just open it Christmas Eve. Sir, what do you need? Somebody's saying something to me. I think someone's lost or trapped. I'm over here, buddy. You can come to me and I'll, I'll be, I'll be done in just a second, I swear. Uh, anyway, from all of us here in headquarters to all of you, merriest of Merry Christmases. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Uh, Merry Christmas to all of you. Merry

    Unknown: Christmas, everybody. Enjoy your Christmas.

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  • Bumperpodcast #278 – Christmas Tree

    Bumperpodcast #278 – Christmas Tree

    Pig sings a Christmas song, Bumpercar complains, and then a magical story is shared!

    Did you like magic? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    And now, we’re featured on the http://www.laughable.com/ app. Go get it (laughable.com/download)!

     

    About This Episode

    In episode 278 of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig tries to turn over a new leaf by singing a gentle song to the Christmas tree instead of knocking it over. Natty Bumpercar interrupts with an epic tale of Christmas tree shopping woes, involving tiny overpriced trees, pushy salespeople, and hidden fees for basic services. The episode takes a turn when Natty shares a stomach-turning dinner story about his son Oliver nearly choking on broccoli, only to continue eating mid-throw-up while his brother Emerson flees the scene. This hilarious holiday episode combines festive chaos with parenting adventures.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I was trying to turn over a new leaf for me a pig and I was trying to be nice to the christmas tree instead of just knocking it over which is what I normally do”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “If I'm at a restaurant and I'm sitting there and what would you like some water I just had a glass of water all right that'll be 18 for a glass of water”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “He wasn't even done throwing up. I don't have that kind of determination this kid's got some power people”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #christmas #parenting #shopping #holiday #family #food #christmastrees #kids

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: hello christmas tree hello christmas tree your lights are really glowing hello christmas tree hello christmas tree your ornaments are showing the presents and the stockings too i really want to repent to you oh christmas tree oh hey hey bumper car how are you

    Natty Bumpercar: doing i'm doing doing anyway huh wow i'm doing great i i liked i heard your song i was over in the corner listening and uh it's pretty creepy huh no not creepy at all come on all right if

    Aloysious J. Pig: you say so i suppose anyway yeah i made up a nice song it's my little holiday songs christmas song whatever song i'm singing to the uh i was singing it to the christmas tree so it's nice you know i was trying to turn over a new leaf for me a pig and i was trying to be nice to the christmas tree instead of just knocking it over which is what i normally do you know huh yeah uh so that's super awesome

    Natty Bumpercar: and i appreciate that you're trying to take a new tact with the christmas tree this year because it it's brutal having a tree here um this year was especially crazy because we uh we went to one store no and the christmas trees they were all like four feet tall they were tiny and they were trying to tell me that they were between six and seven feet and i was i'm six feet and so i was looking at the tree and i was just like am i a giant did i grow and my my wife is like oh this one it's fine and i was like it's tiny we can't have tiny tree what are you doing and the prices were more and more and more and more and more expensive too so we had to pack the kids back up which when you tell your kids that they're going to get a christmas tree and then you don't get said christmas tree because the store has tiny christmas trees and they're more expensive the kids don't understand any of that stuff and so what do the kids do they freak out what do you mean we're not getting christmas tree we were supposed to get a christmas tree we want a christmas tree like that it's it's bananas it's bedlam so the car we go back to the other place there's three places that we can potentially go there's probably a hundred but really there's three because i can't keep going after that i don't have it in me so we went to place number two last year place number two man you know we get nice pictures of the kids walking around the christmas trees it's nighttime there's little lights it's this beautiful it was kind of during the day there weren't a lot of trees because the kid was like there was just a really big rush sorry there's not a lot left a big rush all right well show me what you got show me show me what you got there's what is there's like a few kinds of christmas trees there's douglas fir there's ball balsam or something i don't know and there's see i don't know the names of the christmas trees oh man hold on what are the kinds of clouds cumulonimbus serious i don't know all the names of the clouds what's happened to my brain what are the names of the different kinds of rocks ah stalactite no i don't know anything oh no i can't remember things rain where did you go so all right anyway we get a specific kind of tree i don't know what kind it's called but i know it when i see it right and uh so we go we go to one tree and the kid's right on us too he's quote unquote helping us but he's right on us it was just like right when you walk into a store and you see a shirt you like or something and you walk over and you're just like oh look at that shirt do you want it do you want that shirt and he's like taking it out and like draping it over you you're like i no i don't know i just met this shirt all right i have no idea okay okay well and then he does this thing where he picks it up and he knocks it on the ground so that it's supposed to make it look better boom and then all the fronds and then he's like oh my god i don't know bro i don't just relax i just walk i just walk in i'm trying to make this an experience all right i'm trying to get in here walk around a bit with my sweet family look at some trees you know debate which kind we like better whatever learn the different types of this is why i don't know the types of trees because you go in and they kick you right out now i know all right the rocks and the clouds i can't explain that as much anyway last year we got a tree right it's like 40 bucks we'll say i don't really know it's kind of pricey and uh at the end they managed they managed to upsell me because i was in such a tizzy because the kids are so crazy do you want your christmas tree package and i was like yeah okay i don't know what is that and they told me they don't even know what it was like a bag and some stuff you put in the water and something i don't remember what else it was 15 what your tree has now gone up exponentially the price of it frustration but you're at that car already your family's there you've and you've already said yes to this thing and you're just like oh well now i'm stuck so this year i was i went in knowing when 10 that was weird how i said that i went in knowing that uh i was not going to be taken in such a way i was not going to be taken by the christmas tree guys so i waited for the christmas tree package thing to happen and i was like no no i'm good and then the guy goes to ring me up and uh it was i think 10 bucks more than price quoted and i was like what what happened and he's like oh yeah well you got the end lopped off and you got it uh you got it wrapped up and i was like what in my head i didn't know because i'm at a christmas tree place you can't really yell at a christmas tree place but i was like what those are things that you just do those are part of the service like if i'm at a restaurant and and i and i'm sitting there and what would you like some water i just had a glass of water all right that'll be 18 for a glass of water or or even better oh you you what's this extra charge you're seven dollars well you used the napkin that was on the table but the napkin was there the napkin is something that you use you lop off and you put it in the the stuff the net if you're they didn't even they would have charged me to put it on my car or something or i mean i would have figured it out but like you gotta tell a guy christmas is expensive there's expenses everywhere you can't just go adding stuff in terrible so and then i had to tip the kid because he's like you guys like yeah i'm from shader cove and he was like oh yeah i'm too and then i was i was gonna tip him anyway but i felt obligated because then he knows my town he knows me he knows where i live uh yeah

    Aloysious J. Pig: bubba car crazy uh i just think it's pretty amazing that i was sitting here by myself singing a nice song about the christmas tree and uh hello christmas tree and then all of a sudden you burst in with all your vim and vigor and start yelling about christmas tree buying and uh ruining my holiday my day here i was gonna i had a beautiful story about snowflakes i was gonna talk about penguins probably i was gonna talk about uh hot chocolate like regular chocolate chocolate versus white hot chocolate i don't know if you've even experienced that but they'll put marshmallows in it sometimes and your mind is just like blown what did i just drink is this sugar milk because it's delicious i'll be having two more cups of the sugar milk please especially if you got snowflake shaped marshmallows boom give it to me give it to me now give it to me give it to me wow give it to me give it to me uh-uh give it to me one time who said what oh sorry i don't know i'm just liking this thing song today i ain't complaining like you right well fine yeah i understand yeah i got oh yeah no no no okay tell the story tell that story that's a good story all right that's a crazy story do it do it do it so uh last night we're

    Natty Bumpercar: dinner and we're eating uh the kids are eating pizza bagels like mini pizza bagels uh one's got cheese on it one's got pepperoni on it and then uh ollie had uh little uh broccoli florets florets and uh some ranch dip to dip those in dip dip and uh i don't know applesauce or something anyway so i was helping to feed him and he's cramming the pizza bagels in in in in in in and then uh he was taking care of that so it's really my job to handle the broccoli because he's not gonna put he's not gonna eat that by himself he ain't gonna do it so i thought he had sufficiently uh eaten his pizza bagel but i guess he still had some in there and so i dipped a broccoli floret into some ranch dressing and uh i kind of popped into his mouth pop and knowing full well that maybe it was a little bit too big of a broccoli floret it wasn't huge i'm not gonna it wasn't enormous ginormous but it was maybe just a little too big and so chewing and uh and my wife goes ollie you okay and he's just looking at her she's like just keep chewing and he chews and he chews and uh then like oh we're gonna say 20 seconds later he gets this look at his face and she's like do you need to are you gonna throw up and he just kind of nods his head and then he leans over his plate and just kind of spits out the broccoli oh crisis averted everything is okay right no because then everything that he had just eaten oh onto the plate it was horrifying to see emerson lost his mind ran out of the room screaming right without even taking a break with his right hand oliver reaches around to the other side of the plate and this is a small plate people to the pizza bagel that was still intact that he had not lost yet and he grabs it and goes to pick it up and goes to start eating it he wasn't even done throwing up i don't have that kind of determination this kid's got some power people

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