Tag: improvisation

Bumperpodcast #457 – Season 3 – Story Time

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty decides to tell a story that he is very excited about. Then there are bulls. Then horses.

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar recounts the awkward experience of telling a story that completely kills the vibe at a social gathering. The conversation spirals into an absurd discussion about bulls in china shops, with Aloysious J. Pig dissecting the various hazards of carpeted versus hardwood floors. Rufus T. Rufus shares his retail experience involving an actual horse wandering into a store, while Doodle Poodle relates his own pond-side storytelling disaster where all the other frogs literally slid into the water from boredom. The episode showcases the show's signature improvisational comedy as the characters get hilariously sidetracked before Natty can finish his original story.

Memorable Quotes

“You look around you go oh no did i do this did i make did i ruin did i end the whole restaurant for right now is that what i've done socially?”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Sometimes frogs when they're very uncomfortable what they'll do is they just kind of tilt the lily pad so they'll just kind of slide into the water and everyone had just disappeared.”
— Doodle Poodle

“All of a sudden you got an equine specimen coming into the shop and you're like whoa what is that? That's not fair it's not right it's not for you to judge bumper car.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #storytelling #socialawkwardness #retailwork #bullsinchinashops #friendship #frogs #improvisation

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: no no because to me that was no without that was the craziest part of the story was nobody believed it like i was i was several minutes into the story and i and i kind of looked around and i could see that not a single person who was looking at me was like nodding their head like oh yeah we're here with you like we get it like trying to you know pipe in or anything that none of them and i i said i was just like but do you you guys do you know what i'm right talking about well right nothing no and silence yep which is just a very uncomfortable situation to be in well it's

Aloysious J. Pig: also it feels like a lot of what happens here on the on the bumper podcast where you come in you know a bull in a china shop and you're just you're burst in the doors which also they're made a glass not china but it's one of those glasses that these uh it doesn't shatter it's shatterproof glass right then you come in but then the the shelves are all around and that you know the shelves are also glass really it in the china shop it's not one of these things where it's just a china that you're worried about right it's the china obviously if you're trying to shop it's the biggest thing that you're going to worry about getting broken but you know you got your displays you got your doors whatnot uh there's just a lot of investment like what is it a carpet floor uh you know you're gonna be like a bull and on a carpeted floor that's gonna get destroyed is it a wood floor again scuffed up probably have some real just you know just issues i try to think like just just

Rufus T. Rufus: just something dragged across a wooden floor so you can't it's destroyed yeah well i don't wish i actually hello everybody this is me rufus tear rufus i worked in uh nobody knows this i don't think but i did work retail coming up through law school i actually worked in uh now it wasn't a china shop particularly but we did sell some some some some some pieces but the wood floor now what we had there is you could have issues where uh if you the displays if somebody if you didn't uh move them around properly uh they would gouge i think is the word you're looking for they would gouge the wood floors put real just uh just not even a scrape but this actual like you you know you're gonna have to

Natty Bumpercar: refinish it to fix that and i remember one time i was rufus rufus i'm sorry um okay well all right well yeah so thank you um i don't think i i don't know why we're fixating on the the china shop part here or working retail what i was i was talking to like you group of people and everyone's talking and everyone's having fun and then you jump in with a story and you're like this is it this story this is really it's moving the conversation forward it ties into everything that we're talking about it makes sense that i would bring it up uh and then you know a little bit into the story you realize that the room has become silent like not even like if you're at a restaurant it's not even just your table that's become silent there are the the workers are standing around just looking not even at you because they're too uncomfortable to look at you other tables you know maybe they were about to pay their checks they've they've just sat back down put their hands on top of each other on the table and they're kind of looking at their hands uh just just nerves uh and you you look around you go oh no did i do this did i make did i did i did i make wow did i did i ruin did i end the whole restaurant for right now is that what i've done socially am i that socially awkward that i have managed to shut down an entire uh business so i uh so not

Doodle Poodle: i know exactly what you're talking about because it has situation that's happened to me more than one time where i was you know i was i was i was i was in the lily pads we started the the pond was the lily pad and you know sometimes after we have the dinner of like we eat some flies and some you know like little little that's really what we eat is the bugs it's delicious if you cook them properly which is to say you don't cook them at all because once you cook them they don't they don't taste good but i'm a frog so everyone needs to understand that my palate might be a little bit different than your palate but anyway after we eat we you know like to say and look at the moon and maybe there's a dragonfly like just kind of buzzing by and you know and one time i remember that i was telling a story and you know nighttime on the pond can be a pretty loud place there's a lot of good stuff going on where you go you know the rear bit the rear bit whatever and then there's over here you have the little skeezes little noises every there's noise a lot of noises around the pond they're beautiful calming noises but you know they're it can be a bit cacophonous in the in the nicest way and i i was telling a story and then i looked around because i noticed it was getting very quiet and sometimes frogs when they're very uncomfortable what they'll do is they're just like they don't even jump off the lily pad they just kind of tilt the lily pad so they'll just kind of slide into the water and i was that is yeah everyone had just disappeared just me there no dragonflies no the moon was even behind the clouds because i guess my story was was that i don't know if it was boring or if it was just kept going on and on or if it was no one was interested or i don't really know what happened but it was and i didn't feel so good so i know kind of what there's no china shop there's no glass none of this stuff the uh but we don't really do that in the pond but just a lot of uh nobody around type of thing and i was like oh my

Aloysious J. Pig: yeah i can kind of see just from listening to your story uh listen it was a fine story it's a great story you know uh but then at a point it seemed like you kind of um just lost the thread a little bit you know you kind of started it's almost like you got sleepy it's like you're telling a story and you know it's a there's a restaurant and you have flies you're eating and lily pads and dragonflies and the moon like you know nice stuff really painting a picture of the moon and then you picture for me and then kind of towards the end when you start talking about the people who kind of just uh sliding into the water uh yeah i was looking around trying to find myself a little bit of water to slide into myself and that's you know no nothing on you you did a great job but you just kind of yeah you just ran out of steam like if you were a train if you were a steam engine you you just you just stopped going and that's okay you know that that's station it was right over there the people can get out and they can walk or we can send over a horse and buggy whatever it is to you know get the luggage and so you were close you're very close

Rufus T. Rufus: now when i was talking about i was working retail uh in the the the bull we're back to the bull now the bull in the china shop uh now that recollection came to me when you just mentioned a horse and a because there's one time in the shop that we had left the doors open for ventilation because it was a little bit stuffy inside and well uh uh lo and behold uh a horse just wandered right into the store right and you understand horses are much uh more calm than and then and then them bulls you know that isn't to say that horses can't get excited and whatever they're back on their haunches and they're being all big whore whatever but just in general the horse was fine walking around the different displays uh if his feet were clean so the carpet was not an issue and then when it got over to uh the uh the hardwood floor now you know it did get a little bit scuffed up no gouges but uh you know i think if i if i had to expound upon the the the the saying i'd say something wrong lines or you know you're like a bull don't be like a bull in a china shop uh be more like a horse who just happened to walk in because uh uh the people had work in there had opened the door to to let it just air out a little bit i guess that's too wordy i mean i'm not i'm not being paid by the word here that's

Natty Bumpercar: for sure yeah um okay well so yeah i like i do like the bull in the china shop more like a horse i don't really feel like a horse should go into a china shop either uh just you know it's what if it's busy what if uh what if there's like a shop cat and it freaks the horse out what if uh you know there's just a lot of variables there's a lot of things that could go wrong you know what if there's like an a clothing section you know and the horse is just like i'm gonna i'm gonna munch on this uh on this uh i was gonna say camisole but i don't know what that is on this cami no on the you know what i'm just gonna i'm just gonna eat these linens because they they look and they smell delicious i don't know how hungry this horse is whose horse is it anyway why is there just a horse wandering around the street walking into shops uh why is this chaos that we're living in brah you're sitting here

Aloysious J. Pig: walking to a frog and to a pig and to a lawyer so whatever you know the animal that is but why are we uh getting all held up on uh there being a horse walking into a store i was i walked into like seven stores yesterday you know what any anybody said to me they said hello that's what they said they no one was just like hey pig what you doing in here right like one of them was even like that because it's a store that i've been in before but that's not the point my point is sometimes a horse is gonna have to go into a store and that's just the way it is and if you have carpets or if you have hardwood that's on you okay you know people come in with their with their steel toe boots or their their stiletto heels and nobody's grabbing them what is that doing to the hardwood gouging i would assume right but all of a sudden you know they're you got a uh an equine specimen coming into the shop and you're like whoa what is like just that's not fair it's not right it's not for you to judge bumper car yeah i don't i don't you know pig i can

Doodle Poodle: tell you're getting a little bit excited like you know it was very good reason and i just i don't know you know if there was judging going on necessarily or if it was more just kind of like you know talking about the situation just like whoa how did this situation happen and then you know kind of trying to deconstruct it a little bit uh but again i'm i was fine with it so i don't want to you know i just think we went from a bull and then i was a frog and then the horse and then uh the aloe she's you had a pig um i've i've been i don't go into stores as much as i used to really um just a few stores that i just i won't go into because i don't agree with you know some of the things that i do not going to name any names but i think you know i think you know uh but so i don't online shop either because that's not good for the environment so what i've started doing is really just not buying anything ever which is great for my economy i just have all of this money just stuffed into my mattress my wet wet frog mattress yeah hold on you got you got a mattress

Rufus T. Rufus: you got a mattress full of money hold on a second where's that where's that frog sleep at anyway

Aloysious J. Pig: okay anyway bumper guy didn't you have some story at the beginning you want to tell maybe you should get to it finally you know we went through the whole thing what were you wanting to talk about

Natty Bumpercar: thank you aloe it's just i really appreciate that so it's not a big deal but this story that i was telling which i thought was going to be a great story that i thought everyone was going to love um it was about this time very recently when i went through it was kind of a traumatic but also kind of a hilarious scenario that i set myself up for but i was like everyone's gonna love this story because it's about me doing dumb stuff

Producer: the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloicious j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

July 15, 2025
Bumperpodcast #455 – Season 3 – Microphone

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, we get a new microphone! But then everything goes off the rails. It’s totes banoo!!

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About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar introduces a new microphone that immediately proves to be too intense for the laid-back show. The sophisticated equipment makes recurring character Rufus T. Rufus so uncomfortable that he leaves the studio, only to start calling Producer during the recording because he's hungry and can't remember the code to the refrigerator. Meanwhile, Producer keeps taking phone calls mid-episode, creating complete pandemonium in the studio. What starts as an exciting equipment upgrade quickly devolves into accusations, complaints, and the entire cast turning on the new microphone for causing all the trouble. The episode showcases the show's signature improvised chaos and self-aware humor about its own production mishaps.

Memorable Quotes

“I just touched my shirt and I heard it in my ears. This thing is you're a little too intense microphone. I like you very very much but I worry that you're not going to fit in around here because we're not a very intense podcast.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“The main problem is that I became I got a little bit of low blood sugar and I got very hungry. And so I was calling you because I didn't remember the code to the refrigerator and you didn't answer.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“This has never happened before. This microphone came in. He's brand new and obviously he's causing a lot of trouble. So microphone, why don't you just hit the road?”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #newequipment #podcasting #workplacechaos #hunger #technologyproblems #behindthescenes #improvisation

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: okay so we have a new microphone and it is testing my patience as far as where i have to sit and where it needs to sit and how i look at it and how it looks at me and i think i just touched my shirt and i heard it in my ears this thing is it's you're a little too intense microphone i like you very very much but i just i worry that you're not going to fit in around here because we're not a very intense podcast we don't we're not you know exact and we don't really know what we're doing and you know if you take us to a level that's too far up it's just gonna cause issues with everybody bad issues scary issues uh probably some fights people you know talking behind other people's backs terrible stuff like that no i'm not interested i'm not even interested

Aloysious J. Pig: a little bit hey uh maddie uh sorry i didn't mean to interrupt it now you're having a little conversation over here with a new microphone uh so i don't want to you know tell tales at a school i don't want to talk about

Natty Bumpercar: people behind well back no yeah no i think that's what i was just telling the microphone here is that we don't want to do that that's not something that we normally do yeah like well uh hold on a

Aloysious J. Pig: second natic now you're saying we don't save that's me of course hello everyone that's me rufus t rufus the the the the lawyer around here and are you saying that we don't talk behind people's backs because we have to say the stuff

Natty Bumpercar: to their face no well no wait no well no we try to be nice to people just in in front of their face and and behind their face and to the side of their face and any you know if you have a face then we're gonna try to kind of 360 upside down all the way around just be nice to people in general but um what i was saying was rufus i don't have you met have you

Aloysious J. Pig: met the new mic no i don't believe i made your acquaintance uh i'm saying hello to the little okay oh yeah i can do that hello there uh microphone how do you do not much for conversation i see you'd rather be talked at and i don't got any questions uh bathrooms around the corner you know no i can't talk to this thing now it don't make no sense i don't mean you're just looking at me funny here i don't you mean you seem nice microphone but uh you know i got i got i got lawyer stuff i'm gonna just uh skidoo back over here and you you do your microphone thing make me uncomfortable where you're looking stop looking at me like that please now microphone um i'm just gonna say it you've already proved your worth because normally rufus stays in the podcast studio for the entire podcast and now you all of a sudden you come in and you get you made him uncomfortable and got him to leave i've never seen anything or anyone in his situation uh be able to make that guy uncomfortable so uh uh you get a you get a gold star uh first day knocking it out of the park i gotta tell you yeah i agree um it was weird he

Natty Bumpercar: was like did you see his eyes were like kind of darting around he looked like a little bit

Aloysious J. Pig: i don't want to say he was a little bit banu but hey hey hey you know you can't say banu all right because now that's twice if it's said another time then we're gonna get into the totes and then you know that issues for years we've had big issues so please oh please oh please

Producer: stop it right where we are yeah i tend to agree with aloysius you know we don't we we always try to steer away from all of that stuff because it causes a lot of drama and i know the beginning matter you were saying you don't talk behind people's backs we don't talk in front of you

Aloysious J. Pig: know the whole thing you were saying but just what is what is happening producer you have you i mean like you have one job is well i mean you have a lot of i know but you don't take a phone call when we're doing a podcast that's why would you why would you put it on mute put it on vibrate yeah put it in your locker

Natty Bumpercar: like nobody should have their phone yeah i yeah sorry that producer i'm that's the first i said i think that might be the first time that's ever happened that was really loud and and not not

Producer: awesome so i'm hold on netty i just wanted to say that the phone call was actually from a very

Aloysious J. Pig: important person in your life so what are we are we doing like riddles now is that the game we're playing you know are you just gonna tell them all right what are we doing yeah i would i mean like

Natty Bumpercar: yeah sorry i who who who who was it it was very important my life who who just called you instead of i guess calling calling me or did they maybe they did call but i don't have my phone i don't

Producer: know yeah so they did actually call you and uh you yes you doing the voicemail and so there is a bit of a you know so they did call me because it was a bit of a you know a little bit of a you know a you know he's kind of like a bit of a um bit of an emergency and so um yeah yeah what is this guy

Aloysious J. Pig: doing okay so it's you don't you're not telling us who called and now you're saying it's an emergency and then you're trail off uh love you to death producer you're wonderful you're great uh get to the point who was it that called natty with an emergency yeah thanks aloysius like what

Natty Bumpercar: are we doing do you want do we need to stop the podcast and can you tell me or do i need to be worried like what is happening right now

Producer: well no i'm sorry but you guys geek cutting me off and i give you you know i get a little bit nervous and that's why i don't i don't talk a lot in the microphone because you know there's a podcast and i'm the i'm the yeah go go go yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yeah so okay we know

Natty Bumpercar: you're a producer you're behind the microphone and so somebody called me and they said it was an emergency and can we just please do we if we can you just tell me yeah or hold on a second i

Producer: actually funny story they just called me back but i had turned the the ringer off and i had muted my microphone and so you didn't hear the whole thing but the thing is the um the emergency uh is now passed and it was just a small thing that maybe you know it didn't end up being anything at all and so it's not a big deal and and so you don't even have to worry about it you guys just continue on go on with your big podcast you're doing it such a good job always so proud of you uh new microphone looking at you i'm looking at you over there okay i got a little work to do you and me right but we'll figure it out and we'll figure it out and we'll

Aloysious J. Pig: we're gonna get there we're all gonna get there okay cool great um so now that we're stuck in this and i guess is i hope this isn't the entire podcast i hope bumper car has some silly story to tell or something but i know i invested emotionally and i would also like to know what was the who sorry yes who was the person who called and what was the emergency that has now been settled and is no longer an emergency and now that we have all that information and that you

Producer: can take a nice deep breath and just no so here's the thing i um who's i actually do a lot of indian food i love uh just you know the spicy it's good a lot of flavor i think he's he's on the phone producer yeah he's on the phone right now knock on the window yeah we're not gonna win producer later in the day you know producer yeah we can hear you sorry sorry sorry shut it off

Natty Bumpercar: cut it off um i i'm gonna take a deep breath it's all okay we just might have to throw this episode away but that's okay you know we we were excited we had a new microphone and now producer is receiving phone calls and then talking to people in the in the booth you and we still don't even know who it was you or if that was the same person or what the emergency was or anything yeah uh natty i

Aloysious J. Pig: apologize uh i was on the telephone over there with uh with uh with a producer and uh you know i feel a little bit bad that maybe i was interrupting is what i'm understanding he looks pretty upset in there on the booth yeah uh you would hold on were you the first call or the second call or i think there were three or all it was you were the first call or the second call or figure of what it was that was not what it was in the meanwhile yeah because at the very least you'll have of the first phone call because you took your lead i don't know how many phone calls um well you you know you're well is it all you yeah well now here's the thing i don't know how many phone calls that the producer got uh you're saying three um let me think here because i i did i called and uh natty i called you went to voicemail and then i called a producer and in Yeah, then I called you back to let you know that everything was all right. Yeah, and then I'm the third. Yeah, I was talking about we're going to go eat some food maybe after the show. And then we're going to go get some lunch also. So we got some discussions to discover.

Natty Bumpercar: So, okay, microphone made you nervous, Rufus. So you left the studio and then you almost immediately within like a couple of minutes start calling producer during the show while you know that we're recording the show. And now you're telling me that there was some sort of emergency and that the emergency went away. Can you now explain what that was? Yes, well, I can mix. Sorry, I don't want to hear. I don't I'm not. I need to talk to Rufus to see what's going on, because. Because, you know, it was supposed to be a big fun day. We got a new microphone. We had I had some silly, funny stories I was going to tell. And and and and now it's, you know, I like sometimes the wheels do come off here at the Bumper podcast. You know, we have our silly fun and everything's all whatever. But this just it this feels different and it's frustrating. I'm not going to lie. So tell me, Rufus, T. Rufus, what was this big emergency that you felt like? You needed to call producer during the show and talk about.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. So the main issue, the main problem is that I was I became I got a little bit of low blood sugar and I got very hungry. And so I was calling you because I didn't remember the code to the refrigerator and you didn't answer. And I was getting weak. You know, normally I would never call producer during the show. But I was. I was getting a little bit like I was going to pass out a little bit like I was going to go to, you know, just lay on the floor and, you know, Aloysius. I know he don't carry his phone around. And so then I called producer and I did do that. I apologize. I was right there in the middle of the show.

Natty Bumpercar: So, OK, so now we know who it was. It was you calling. We know what the emergency was, that you were hungry, I guess. And and then you called back because the emergency was solved. Like everything. Was figured out. Is that that's that's huh. That's where we are now, right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. So now what happened with that, what had happened was I did end up laying down on the floor, which was which was nice and cool. You know, the tiles and everything felt nice. I took a nap for about, I don't know, a minute and a half, two minutes, whatever it was. And then out of the clouds, it came to me. It was it was the code for the refrigerator. And and I looked up and I said to myself, Rufus, you're supposed to eat right now. And this is the universe telling you, just telling you. So and so I got up and I went over to the refrigerator, punch in that code. And lo and behold, it opened right up. So just to reiterate, Natty, Rufus was hungry, got the code. He opened the fridge and may have lost producing his job. I still, you know, it's it's what I'm taking in here.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, here's the thing, too, is, yeah, this was rough. This is really bad. And producer, I'm sorry, but like this is kind of unacceptable. You know, you can't do this type of thing like this is just it's you're here to produce the show. Rufus, I'm sorry you got hungry. And, you know, while we have the code on the fridge, because. Santa Claus kept coming in and eating all the snacks, you know, not if you're going to say if this is how it's going to be moving forward.

Producer: I don't know. These conditions are just a little bit unacceptable to me. OK, I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if you got the new microphone that you evidently love and you don't even want it. You don't like me and I can't feed people and I don't know what my position is anymore. And I guess we're going to be written up and have a demerit. I don't know.

Aloysious J. Pig: OK, you know what? This has never happened before. This microphone came in. He's brand new and obviously he's causing a lot of trouble. So microphone, why don't you just hit the road?

Natty Bumpercar: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters. In Coffee Can Alley, it's recorded, mixed and produced by producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty Bumpercar dot com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram. Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar hugs and hearts. See you soon. Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar hugs and hearts.

June 6, 2025
Bumperpodcast #454 – Season 3 – Am Human

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty is excited to talk about something, is interrupted by Pig, and then forgets what he was ever even excited about…

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In this improvisational episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar starts with big plans to discuss something important but immediately gets derailed. Aloysious J. Pig questions whether Natty actually talks to real people or just performs at them. The conversation spirals through topics like putting out fires, screaming in theaters, and whether service workers are genuinely nice or just doing their jobs. Natty shares a detailed story about a challenging comedy show two hours away where he had to work hard to engage a disconnected crowd by jumping off stage and doing table-to-table bits. The episode showcases the show's signature rambling, self-aware humor as the characters forget what they were originally trying to discuss.

Memorable Quotes

“You understand that people in restaurants and stores, they're being paid to be nice to you. You understand that, right? They're just trying to be cordial, civil.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“All I do in my life at this point is I run around and I put out fires. Oh there's a fire run, oh there's a fire run, and I never even get to check if the fires are actually out.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I refuse this reality. I'm gonna take charge of this reality and I did and it worked out.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #stand-upcomedy #socialinteraction #improvisation #performanceanxiety #friendship #overthinking #crowdwork

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so this is going to be one of those episodes where i've got i've got thoughts i've got ideas

Aloysious J. Pig: and i've got thoughts okay so you mean it's going to be one of those episodes that people can should just go ahead and like skip that's what you're saying right off the bat just hey hey everybody warning here's just so you know an episode that you probably don't need to listen

Natty Bumpercar: don't no no that's not what i'm saying at all no no no so here's the thing at night when i do i say here's the thing a lot i feel like i say here's the thing a lot hold on a second now i got to

Aloysious J. Pig: think about that and now you're derailed you came in all hot and strong and you're like oh i got something to talk about and now you're like oh another shiny thing focus bumper car you're a

Natty Bumpercar: minute in and there's the phone ringing and that's why i can't focus because there's never any time to focus on anything because i never get a chance it's like all i do in my life at this point is i run around and i put out fires i'm like oh there's a fire run oh there's a fire run oh there's a fire run and i never even get to check if the fires are actually out because i'm so busy running from fire to fire to fire you

Aloysious J. Pig: better hope that this is not being do we play these ever at a at a movie theater any kind of theater because if you're doing your podcast and you're up here screaming fire fire fire people are gonna get you're gonna i think you're breaking some laws maybe i but you can't just start screaming fire fire fire that's that's that's highly illegal and if and i'm not listen i'm not saying that because i want anybody else to come to the podcast because i like it's just you and me today but i think you're probably bending maybe even breaking a couple

Natty Bumpercar: of laws here yeah no i listen don't you worry about that we live in a post-law society would you stop stop this is supposed to be a silly funny

Aloysious J. Pig: podcast don't if you if you jump down that hole that rabbit hole you're gonna be in all kinds of trouble dude i wouldn't do it i would just take a deep breath and now let's talk about whatever it was that you started off now two minutes ago wanting to talk about ah that was

Natty Bumpercar: so long ago and now i feel like we've talked about i don't remember i was so excited i came in and i was so excited i was so excited i was so excited i was so excited i was so excited i was so I'd been thinking about something that I wanted to talk about, and I thought it was even interesting, and then I was, I, I, I can't, why, why does this happen?

Aloysious J. Pig: Is it because you don't do the podcast often enough, and so you're a little bit out of, out of, out of, out of sync? That's not what I want. Out of practice? That's what I want. Or maybe is it because the only time you actually have conversations around the podcast, because you don't talk to other people, and so you, maybe you just had too much ready to go, and then when you got distracted, it all fell apart?

Natty Bumpercar: No, I talk to people all the time. Like, I'm always talking to people. I, I talk to people constantly, really, you know, if, if, if you look at talking, then. I'm probably, I'm doing, I'm talking.

Aloysious J. Pig: You, you understand that it's, like, people in, in restaurants and, and stores, that, those aren't common, you're, you're, they're being paid to be nice to you. You understand that, right? They, they're, they're just trying to be, uh, cordial, civil, you know, uh.

Natty Bumpercar: Civil, like, civil, civil shepherd?

Aloysious J. Pig: I did, yeah, so now we're doing, like, references to television from 30 years ago?

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, bumper car.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Oh, bumper. Bumper car. What are you doing?

Natty Bumpercar: Well, what about, okay, fine, I understand, and I accept, whatever, that those, those people are probably, maybe only being nice to me because it's, it's their job, uh, which, fine, whatever, you know, they don't have to do their job so well to me, right, to talk to me. They could just, uh, give me a smile and walk away, but I'll, fine, I will accept your, your logic, and I will say, what about? I had a show this weekend, and, and I, I talked to people there.

Aloysious J. Pig: Now, you, so, when you're doing stand-up comedy, you're not talking to people, you're talking at people. You're on stage, right, which by, you're up high, you're far away, you're talking into a microphone, which is, you know, uh, it's, it's, it's, uh, I would say magnifying your voice? Is that what we're saying? Amplifying. We'll say amplifying your voice. And so it's, that's, that's also not a conversation, but it really highlights, I think, where your brain is, uh, a little bit, uh, wonk, wonka-doodle.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, okay, so normally I totally agree with you, but this show, which I had to drive two hours to get to, it was so far away because of traffic and stuff. So I got there, and they had the tables set up, like, 20 feet from the stage where I was performing. and the also the stage was like high up like super high up like probably i'm gonna go five and a half feet five feet we'll say five feet up and there were spotlights but they were not on and they were not pointed at the stage even if they were on so it created this really weird environment and um so i was sitting in the back at the comics table which was table number 13 which is

Aloysious J. Pig: not foreshadowing at all did i tell the crowd so listen everybody who's listening to this story first off i apologize second off uh if bumper car sounds weird it's because every so often

Unknown: there's still music beds that are coming through that evidently somebody forgot to turn off and so

Aloysious J. Pig: he was telling some story then all of a sudden it's like unksha unksha unksha which is why he sounded confused anyway back back to your story tell your story tell your story okay yeah those

Natty Bumpercar: unksha unksha beats uh are always coming through so here's so so i uh i was back at the table and there was a woman who was running the show she like hired us i guess and she came back and the producer of the show said hi just so you know you're gonna be bringing um natty up he's the host for the for the show and i said hi natty and she's like what's your name natty bumper car that's a stupid name no she didn't say stupid that's a silly name uh is that really your name and i said ah who knows because that's usually what i say uh just to get out of that conversation and uh or i say probably uh and and she's like okay whatever listen uh in a few minutes uh i'll go up there i'm gonna say a little bit about the show and and then i'll introduce you and i was like perfect and so in my mind that meant okay i have time to i'm gonna i'm gonna go use the bathroom maybe i'm gonna stretch a little bit maybe do some jumping jack whatever i do i don't know think about what i'm gonna say and i i stood up to leave the room to find the bathroom and uh she was already on the stage and she was like okay everybody here's your host uh natty and i was i was two feet out of the door which meant i was all the way out of the door already and i went oh oh and and i had to turn and run all the way up to the stage because it was far away it was it was much farther than i thought it was and uh you know hopped up on stage and i was like oh my god i'm gonna go use the bathroom and i was just like haha what happened to a few minutes huh thanks oh here we go which was a weird way to start a show not how you want to start a show and uh i'm not blaming that but the crowd was you know like usually they have like a 30 second hey everybody thanks for coming out tonight thanks for coming to our show how about that food ha that's sponsored by this person and look at all these decorations great job these people like whatever it is and now let's get ready you guys and they're like yeah we're ready but this was instead this was just like hey show go and and and me running on stage and so the crowd was just like kind of there but also kind of not there and i did about 12 minutes up front and um you know there were some laughs but there was also a lot of me switching gears it was like i'm gonna try that no you don't like okay i'm gonna try that you don't like okay i'm gonna try that nope okay good good good just a lot of me kind of uh feeling the crowd out trying to feel what they like trying to feel what they don't like or whatever and um so then i got off like i introduced uh the person who produced the show she was going to do a little jump on spot a little guest spot and so i introduced her like hey and i i found a little back room on the stage because i didn't want to go all the way back to the table because i'd already got my steps in that day so after she got off i went up and i was i was i was i was like i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this frustrated because i i i'm the host and i was not gonna let the show go that way and so i was just like no no i'm taking charge and so they had given me a wireless microphone and so i actually hopped off the stage and i decided to run from table to table to table and i don't it's not necessarily crowd work because i wasn't really letting them talk so much but i would pick out something at the table and i would make fun of it quick boom bam boom zing zing zing and then i would run to the next table boom bam boom zing zing zing and you know and that actually got the crowd engaged and that got them kind of awake and kind of like oh hey we're at a show and then you know it was good because the other two comics uh they had a much easier time with the crowd because i forced them to be engaged and i was so happy with that because it was a little bit you know like it's easy to get depressed and get into a funk when things aren't going exactly the way you want them to or the way you planned for them to go and just kind of throw your hands up and be like well i tried but you know did you did you try and and so i was like no i'm i refuse i refuse this reality i'm gonna take charge of this reality and and and and i did and it it worked out to the point where i was like oh my god i'm gonna do this after the show everyone was like oh that was so fun when you came down and talked to us when you were running around and you were talking to us and i was just like yay good glad to hear it yay good i don't want to talk about it now because it makes me

Aloysious J. Pig: uncomfortable talking to humans uh yeah so that's what i'm talking so that you know what it sounds like you might have had a conversation or two which uh good for you really proud of you really really coming far really the the performer who you know is really coming out of his shell good job good for you yeah really proud of you really happy for you okay um what were you what were you talking about earlier we said about talking to people oh because i actually checked out you were talking right then for like seven minutes and so i kind of walked out of the room

Natty Bumpercar: yeah which i apologize but it's uh you know i'm a very busy uh pig yeah you're very i get it but no what was you i came in remember i was excited to talk about something on the podcast and then i got distracted and then you tried to bring everything back together and by the time you did that i had already forgotten what it was that i wanted to talk about that i was all excited to talk about and then you um said asked if if i was forgetting because i wasn't doing the show enough and so i was out of practice yep or if um that because i never talked to anybody in the world i that maybe um i was saving everything up just to explode out into the bumper podcast and so maybe

Aloysious J. Pig: that's what was happening i think yeah that uh that sounds about right but it's also pretty we're not if i was trying to say phenomenally but i said renominally it's pretty phenomenally creepy like that did you take notes on the conversation because i pretty that's all those things you were just saying were i think exactly the things that i was talking anyway who cares who cares who cares um fine so i i don't know what we established there yes you talked to people not at people and they weren't people at a place of business like a restaurant or a store where they have to talk to you so what i think well that we've maybe proven in some form of fashion yeah that you might be uh human is that what we're doing i mean i don't i forget the whole point of this whole thing

Natty Bumpercar: no i think maybe we just i don't know what we just proved that i talked to people sometimes yeah we've proved that i talk to people sometimes and i don't i don't only talk on the podcast i'm human you

Producer: the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening if you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our patreon page at https colon forward slash bumper podcast and we'll see you next time on the bumper podcast forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloicious j pig rufus to you rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gag all of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car dot com slash subscribe also you can follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

May 21, 2025
Bumperpodcast #453 – Season 3 – Oil & Water

In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty and the crew try a song and realize why they haven’t been recording as much Tune in for laughs, lessons, and lots of laughs as they navigate the paperwork jungle!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

Natty Bumpercar reunites with Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Producer after a long hiatus from recording the Bumperpodcast. The gang struggles with technical issues including microphone popping sounds and missing equipment, leading to humorous discussions about "paschetti" pronunciation and cooking oils. Aloysius attempts an impromptu rap song that goes hilariously wrong, prompting the crew to question whether they still have chemistry together. The episode devolves into playful arguments about offensive language, workplace safety, and whether they're like "oil and water" as a team. Despite the chaos and rust from their time away, the characters' signature banter and absurd humor shine through.

Memorable Quotes

“Everything's good. Everything's fine. We made a terrible song. And that's gonna happen. We haven't made a song in a long time, and the one we just did was terrible.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I'm starting to wonder if this is why we hadn't recorded a bumper podcast in a long time. Maybe we just don't gel anymore. Maybe we're like oil and water.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“Is there such a thing as soy oil? Can we start soil? What'd you cook your food in? I cooked it in soil! Million dollar plan!”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #podcasting #music #friendship #comedy #cooking #workplacehumor #improvisation

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so i have an idea i have several ideas but only one idea that really pertains to you guys at this moment and so what i've been doing is listen i've been listening to so many podcasts like upwards of four five podcasts and um not all the way through i have to say that just partially um because who has the time honestly uh i would understand it if you if you are about to turn this one off you ever no one has time no one has time to listen to things to bibble babble to jibber jabber no so i i had i had an idea and my idea was um i just before you say your idea

Aloysious J. Pig: uh i just wanted you to know that the uh listening numbers have come in and uh it won't Don't be an issue because it looks like everybody gave up on this podcast because you stopped making it. So it kind of makes a little bit of sense. So right now you're just talking into the void. You're talking into the ether. You're talking into, I don't know, like somewhere where no one is. The, the, the, Mari, Marin, what is it? Marinara? I think it's Marinara. Mariana, right? Not Marin, yeah. No. Mariana Trench.

Rufus T. Rufus: Is it, did we decide here? No, this is Rufus. T. Rufus. And did we actually decide on if it's Marinara Trench? Now, hold on a second. I believe the Marinara Trench is when you make a pot of spaghetti and you just family style, you put it down the middle of the table. Oh. Hold that paschetti. And then you come along.

Natty Bumpercar: Rufus, are you saying paschetti? Because I, the first time I think you actually said spaghetti, which I appreciate. But then the second time you, you just went on with paschetti. Paschetti.

Producer: Yeah. Right? Yes. Paschetti. But Natalie, it's me, producer, and ye, I heard it as well. I was going to, you know, I, I like to mark things on notepads so that at the end of the episode, if I'm, you know, if I have to go back in and, you know, edit anything or whatever, but I, I wrote in there this exact time stamp that these men said, a paschetti like that, you know?

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Okay. Thank you very much, producer. Wow. You, your accent got a little bit, what's happening today? This is, this is very strange. You got, you got, you got very, I would say Italian, but I don't really know. I don't, you know, accents are weird to me. Everything kind of sounds dissimilar. Oh.

Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, you Sophie. Fancy. Yo, look at me. I'm Natty Bumpercar. I got so much wit. I got so much, uh, like whatever, but, uh, I gotta say, paschetti, Rufus, you sound like, you know, like you're a three-year-old or seven, uh, three-year-old or seven. Not, not four, not five, not six. You're either a three-year-old or you're seven. And, and that's who I understand is it's in their, their language. It's in what they say. They say paschetti, like that.

Producer: I wanted to thank you, Aloysius, for, because everybody who is saying the paschetti, they're really going into the microphone and they're saying it very loud. So they're getting that, that, that, that noise, that pop noise that you get because we don't have a pop, uh, uh, uh, barrier anymore, like a pop screen. And so I do appreciate, uh, if everyone else could follow Aloysius. Aloysius. Aloysius, hey, sample, and then we, it'll make everybody happy because, you know, I agree that no one is probably listening at this point anymore, but if they were, uh, we just want to give them a high quality, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, product to, did I just do it? Yeah. Oh, man. Okay. This is very difficult. It's very difficult.

Rufus T. Rufus: I was listening to my, my headphones here. Do you know we used to call headphones cans? Like that. We said, what? I can't hear you through the cans. That's when we were back on the radio long time ago, long, long time ago for you, uh, Piggy Lou before you even born. Now here's the thing. I think what we got to do until we get ourselves a, uh, a pop God is, uh, just avoid any words that might be, uh, associated or, uh, integrated or, uh, reverberated, uh, through the, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. the microphone with the issues that are associated with not having a pop filter.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. Yeah, that works for me. It's going to be very difficult because we don't have a script like some of these odd casts. I mean, that has a P at the beginning but I didn't want to say it. So now, that's all I'm thinking about now. Hold on. You're good.

Unknown: Do you hear this? Pig, I think that there's some music happening. Do you think there's going to be a song?

Producer: There could be. Drop the beat, pretty please. Oh. Okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: Sounds like we're doing something. Let's go. Ready? I'm rolling. Riding. Sitting. Poseidon. Looking for Poseidon. Okay, that's rhymed. I'm chasing. You're hiding. I'm barely even trying. So clean off your face. You're in last place. The geese. The gaggle. The geese will never haggle. A wiggle. A waggle. Alright, I'm

Rufus T. Rufus: jumping in here. I don't know if you're just like, out of practice. If you forgot how to do this. Or what the problem is right now. Can you cut that music? Can you cut it off, please?

Producer: Producer, I'm talking to you. Yeah, sorry about that. I didn't know if you were like, doing part of this song. You know, like a spoken word kind of thing where you come in and you're like, Mr. Top Guy or whatever. You know, I noticed that you were not paying attention to the music or the beat or anything that was said before, so I was guessing that you weren't doing that, but… Yes, yes. Sorry, sorry, sorry. It's okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Wow. I mean, you just cut it. It wasn't even like, we're gonna fade it out or anything. It was just like, and gone. Music just gone. It's fine. I'm sorry. It's fine.

Producer: I just thought I was supposed to do it. The lawyer man here, Rufus D. Rufus, says, you got to get rid of the music. You're not doing a great job. I just pushed the button and it's gone. It's fine. It's just my job. It's just my life. It's just my dream.

Aloysious J. Pig: But that's fine. That's fine. Listen, producer, it is okay. I don't want anybody to get worried. I don't want anybody to get worked up. Alright? Everything's good. Everything's fine. We made a terrible song. And that's gonna happen. We haven't made a song in a long time, and the one we just did was terrible. And that's, again, it's okay. We're gonna move on. Probably. Do we have anything else planned for this episode? Was that it? I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: No, we didn't even plan for that. Come on. It's okay. Everybody calm down.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, I'm starting to wonder if this is why we hadn't recorded a bumper podcast in a long time. Maybe we just don't gel anymore. Maybe we're like oil and water. There's several. Now, you can be the water, and then we can be different kinds of oil. Myself, I think I'm gonna be an avocado oil. Uh, Aloysius, what are you thinking over there? What are your thoughts?

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, you know, it's a good point. Oil and water. Yeah, he is absolutely water over there. Uh, your avocado. I'm gonna, you know, I wanna stay away from seed oils, because as I understand, those are out of uh, out of vogue at the moment. Is there anything like a… I know they do milk, but is there like a an almond oil? Or a soil? Oh, soy oil? Soil! Let's start that business! Is there such a thing as soy oil? Can we start soil? What'd you cook your food in? I cooked it in soil! There we go! Ho-ho! Million dollar plan!

Producer: Yeah, I don't really want to be, uh, oil, necessarily, but, here's a thing I could be, is, um, I could be uh, butter, maybe? You know, just, it tastes good, you can still cook in it, it doesn't have as high of a um, burned temperature, as the other ones, and especially the avocado oil, you know, you can really get that pan hot. Uh, soil, I don't, I'm not too overly familiar with, um… We? Yeah, we're gonna… Are we determining if that's a real thing, or… Yeah, I think

Natty Bumpercar: we should get an intern for the podcast, because a lot of the shows that I was watching or listening to, whatever you do, um, they had people off to the side who were actually like, um, they would say stuff, and then the people over on the side would look it up, and so, like, you know, they're sitting here like how you're just talking about soy oil, soil, they would be able to just, like, put it up in front of you, so you would know right then if, if it was actually a real thing or something that could be done, as opposed to how we seem to do it, which is, something is mentioned, we have no idea if it's valid or if it's real, and then we're supposed to remember the next week, uh, what we said, and to have actually looked it up, and how many times has that actually happened, and do you think we can count it on one hand?

Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, here we go, here we go, here we go, count it on one hand, very, very, very, very insensitive, Natty, I don't have hands, I've got little hooves, look, look, look at me, look at me, little hooves, alright, and, and producer, why don't you jump in here? Oh, hey, come on, man, I didn't mean

Producer: that. Yeah, but it wasn't necessary, you're like, you could have said anything really, but now you're just like, oh, hey, frog, why don't you jump into the conversation, I mean, like, what are we doing, are we just going around the room now, and and, and, and, and

Rufus T. Rufus: picking things out, I guess? Oh, so now you, so I don't, I'm not trying to, uh, I don't want to say P-I-L-E, pile on, but you, uh, producer just did the, the, the P, the pop thing, so I guess it's, it's gotten everybody, and I also wanted to point out that, uh, Aloysius, if you, and, uh, if you, producer, want to have a meeting after, uh, this session, um, then we could maybe come up, uh, draw up some diagrams, draw up some, uh, I don't know, little, you know, good old-fashioned litigation to, uh, address the situation which I myself just saw, I myself was hurt by, I myself was quite offended by. I'm not sure, if I actually feel safe

Natty Bumpercar: in this place of work. What? Really? You don't feel safe? Okay. You know what? I don't even remember who it was at this point who said, like, oh, maybe we all, it's oil and, it was you, wasn't it, Rufus? Oil and water. Yeah, that's it. I'm water. Maybe this is why we haven't recorded the podcast in a long time because, because it's, it's hard. It's walking on eggshells. It's walking on, walking on broken glass.

Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, that was, actually, that was a pretty good pull in the middle of everything. That was good. Good job to

Rufus T. Rufus: your brain, one point bumper car's brain. Now, yeah, I can see why you're giving them compliments. You know, I understand the creative process, but now I gotta deal with the legal paper probably from that. I got, I got, I got people breathing down my necks. I got letters in my mailbox filling up. I can't even close my mailbox, which means all of my catalogs are getting wet and musty and moldy. And I, you know, I can't even look at that. I don't even, what is the summer fair this year? I don't know, because I can't look at it. All right? So, now Natty, that's what you got me in. You got me in the situation where you're talking about hands, and we're talking about jump right in. And now, I gotta deal with the legalese of this whole, this whole, this whole, conflagration.

Producer: I'm actually okay with the whole thing, now that I think about it. It was a, it was a, it was an accident. I'm good. Oh, I'm glad you're good. Pig, are you good? No! Oil and water! The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family-friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere, post about it on all of the social medias, or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at headquarters in Coffee Can Alley. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com slash subscribe. Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at nattybumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon.

May 6, 2025
Bumperpodcast #452 – Season 3 – Invoices

Join Natty Bumpercar, Pig, Rufus, and Producer in this hilarious Bumperpodcast episode all about invoices! From chaotic billing to quirky misunderstandings, the gang tackles the world of invoices in their signature absurd style. Tune in for laughs, lessons, and lots of laughs as they navigate the paperwork jungle!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

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About This Episode

In episode 452 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar and his puppet friends attempt their first musical episode in ages with hilariously chaotic results. Producer kicks things off with a song about bees, but Aloysious J. Pig and the crew struggle to keep the rhythm. What starts as an improvised musical number quickly derails into a discussion about libraries, with Rufus T. Rufus sharing his love of reading and the stacks. The episode takes an unexpected turn when the gang discovers a shocking financial reality: none of them have been sending invoices or getting paid for their work on the show for the past 15-20 years. The revelation leads to comedic accusations and stammering explanations as everyone realizes they've been working for free.

Memorable Quotes

“if i could be a bee i don't really know let's see what kind of bee would i be would i be an a b or c or d or e what all these letters they all rhyme”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“gonna learn gonna learn gonna learn in a library gonna learn gonna learn i love to read books”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“you hear him stammering everybody's getting nervous you hear him stammering he doesn't even know what he's saying at this point yeah nobody stammers quite like a guilty man”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #music #improvisation #libraries #books #business #money #workplacecomedy #miscommunication

Featuring: Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Robot

Full Transcript

Producer: if you could be a bee what kind of bee would you be if you could be a bee what kind of bee would

Aloysious J. Pig: you be i guess if i could be a bee i don't really know let's see what kind of bee would i be would i be an a b or c or d or e what all these letters they all rhyme i could just be like e d g c e whatever t m doesn't rhyme though no okay hold on i'll get back okay yeah uh weird

Natty Bumpercar: uh we haven't had music like a music bed a music background in so long and evidently we've forgotten how to do it because that we started off pretty rough off beat uh we went with producer i thought was a pretty brilliant because it was nice and simple um rhyme scheme um and and really i thought kind of a nice idea for a song and then leave me out of this okay i couldn't figure it out i was close yeah yes you and i know normally you you don't like feedback and you don't want to hear this no i don't i don't yeah you we oh that was not great i listen i how was i supposed to know that we were going to jump

Aloysious J. Pig: right into a song we haven't had a song in in a long time and so you know you hear this the the podcast start it's got the squeak squeak squeak squeak and then all of a sudden boom bang we're in a song with producers starting yeah i don't know if that's ever happened producer never starts a show

Producer: yeah i'm sure that at some point in the show that i've probably started it but i i can't recall i don't keep notes or anything but it's nice to have a song it's nice to have a beat so i can dance along and i can sing along let's go let's go let's all party down let's go let's go let's party

Aloysious J. Pig: all around so you start you you listen i like that you're committed to the bit and you're like you're like we're gonna have music we're gonna i'm gonna sing a song and i hope that everybody just ignores uh how everything started that's great that's listen you're you are committed you are all in and i appreciate that and i appreciate you producer this is a fat beat i love to listen to this beat as i'm sitting on my seat no no you know it's

Natty Bumpercar: i remember yeah i don't know that was i i don't i think we could probably you we don't have to sing i mean it's nice to have a music bed underneath this um i feel like it adds a little layer of texture and fun but um i don't think that it it forces us into a position where we actually you know have to have to have to sing yeah hey nutty it's me

Aloysious J. Pig: rufus t rufus and i listen to that we ain't had music in a long time i guess the court paper the filings went through and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna sing a song and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna in the office and all the wheels that were greased and everything so that we can lift the embargo and put on a track or two of of of rapitude drum drum drums i got some drums i don't say no this is why i don't really usually take over here drum drum drum drum i i yeah again i tried it again and i and i failed again but that's okay that's okay we're learning we're learning we're learning yeah we're learning oh everybody's learning here we go over here and here we go over there okay to do what i don't learn to do what to learn in a book in a book i love libraries

Natty Bumpercar: i'm listen everyone i think that rufus who never comes in and sings might have had the best singing part so far the gonna learn gonna learn gonna learn in a library gonna learn gonna learn i love to read books gonna learn but yeah yeah no that was that's a catchy one and i think it's it's very much needed at this point um that we lift up uh our our local public libraries and um you know tell people tell people what's up i love the library i like to just walk into a library and all the books they're called they're called the stacks because there's their shelves and they're back in the stacks okay i'm gonna go back in the stacks and and but you second you walk into a library it just has a feeling about it i i always think it just like it it's it feels like you're in a different world almost in a different time and and the smell of the books has always been so intoxicating to me and just wandering around and and looking at all the different titles and all the different sizes of the books and all the different colors of the book like the the spines and everything

Aloysious J. Pig: is is is is wonderful yeah um did are we is this all just library stuff now because i i mean i can i can do that i uh went to a library once and they said that they they wanted a show and they hired me and uh they stuck me in a room with what i don't know it must have been two three hundred kids and uh i was like okay what do we what do we have a plan and they're like well we hired you you have the plan and i was like okay uh how long how long do i need to stay in here for and they they they said forever and then they shut the door kind of in a menacing way and uh the second the door shut all the kids their heads just turned slowly and locked on to me and then then and hold on a second don't say anything don't say anything all right good point good point good point yeah i i feel like the litigation on that whole situation is still uh pending it might you know still we're just awaiting a decision um did you ever get a uh uh paid for that for that event uh no i don't know hey uh i don't usually do the money stuff hey natty do you know if uh if i got any checks coming in anything you know a pig needs new shoes

Natty Bumpercar: all right well first off you i've never seen you wear shoes um so that's important uh secondly no i don't see any checks do you know um did you send in like the invoice after the show did you email it or mail it or drop it off

Aloysious J. Pig: or anything what do you what i don't know what's that uh what's that word in a voice like an inside like an inside voice what i don't know how does that how does that pertain let me take this and that is sir aloysius uh the invoice um now that's where you're going to uh line item uh put everything on it that your time you know you had to buy some uh crops maybe some water uh you know uh as the case and i can't get into it but you know higher security um because of uh people getting a little bit too uh interested in our business you know there's a few different uh but you put all that on the invoice give them a total and then they know what to pay you wait what is this why i've never been paid is this why i've never seen it in i thought that you you just had some sort of a savings account for me so that i could one day i don't know go to college uh get my own place or you know start my life with with a with a so never we've never never gotten paid

Natty Bumpercar: anything no i this is a bad miscommunication i thought that you guys were handling a like rufus you usually handle the invoices so now hold on a second hold on a second before you start

Aloysious J. Pig: shining the light on me i i i'd appreciate if you if you kept me in the dark if it's as it were now listen i invoice you uh constantly still haven't seen a lick of cash from that yeah but i don't i don't invoice for everything else for everybody else so

Natty Bumpercar: yeah you definitely invoice me constantly i have a stack of papers that just seems to keep growing constantly like all the time all the time those papers they grow all the time um okay wow so if aloysius if you're not sending out invoices i haven't been sending out invoices for stuff either um has anyone gotten paid for anything well so what i do is i've been keeping a tally

Producer: of all the hours that i've worked and then i went on the internet and i said um you know what is a reasonable amount of salary for for for my position and so i'm just kind of keeping track and i was hoping to settle up with you at some point you know when when we can maybe we sell the bumper podcast and we're just rolling in all the money wait so i guess you're playing like the really

Aloysious J. Pig: long game we've been doing this for like i don't know 20 years or something like that i don't know i don't know 20 years or something like that i don't know 20 years or something like that i don't i don't you know what you cut you keep on with your notebook and your tally and keeping track you do that you do that uh uh producer i think it's all gonna work out for you oh boy no let's see here hold on uh i i know i've been paid for some outside services i outvoiced those but the insert internal invoices i don't believe uh i've ever uh collected on on anything uh i have to think about i you know what i'm gonna go talk to my financier and and finance see if i have any finances yeah i hope i do yep it's gonna be a bad day if it if if there's not i'll tell you that okay so it's gonna be a bad

Natty Bumpercar: day but a bad day for who like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know are we saying a bad day for me i so we're all in the same boat i've never gotten paid for anything sounds like none of you have ever gotten paid for anything how do we get paid all right sir

Aloysious J. Pig: who's supposed to be paying us well i don't want to uh you know single anybody out um but your name is on on on the shingle your name is it's the bumper podcast naughty bumper car you live in headquarters coffee can alley all that you know there's a lot of stuff there so uh i'll take it over here uh so ipso facto i believe that means that all all all of the funds need to be coming out of out of your wallet natty so i guess when can we expect this situation to be rectified i wait i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know

Natty Bumpercar: i'm rectified i'm just now finding about this the same time you are right so how i not a good topic for the podcast but something that we should definitely figure out and something that we should definitely look into because i think we all just thought that something was happening that wasn't happening and so now we have to get to the root of that the of the problem

Aloysious J. Pig: and i um you're stammering you hear him stammering everybody's getting nervous you hear him stammering he doesn't even know what he's saying at this point yeah nobody stammers quite like a

Natty Bumpercar: guilty man natty are you a guilty man what no i'm not guilty i'm i feel like i'm a victim in this whole thing too how am i guilty what did i didn't do anything except maybe mismanage all the money for the last 15 years so wait a minute

Producer: am i ever going to be able to buy a lily pad in paradise or am i just stuck here pushing knobs and buttons for the rest of my life

Robot: the bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with natty bumper car and some of his pals it is family friendly clean and fun to watch and i'm so excited to be here with you and ridiculous thanks a bundle for listening if you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast check out our patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash natty bumper car also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts share it with everyone everywhere post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review the bumper podcast is produced by natty bumper car and is produced by natty bumper car at headquarters in coffee can alley it's recorded mixed and produced by producer the bumper podcast features contributions from aloicious j pig rufus t rufus doodle poodle robot trunks and a gag all of other silly rascals our head talker is probably natty bumper car we also have an absurd newsletter check it out and subscribe at natty bumper car.com slash subscribe also you can follow us on social media at natty bumper car dot com follow me on instagram and twitter at natty bumper car hugs and hearts see you soon

March 20, 2025