Tag: health

Bumperpodcast #440 – Season 3 – I DIED A LITTLE BIT

Dive into the quirky world of Coffee-Can Alley with the Bumperpodcast, a side-splitting improvised comedy podcast that keeps listeners on the edge of their seats. Join the irrepressible Natty Bumpercar as he shares a hilariously harrowing tale of a scary medical mishap. With his trademark wit and charm, Natty takes you on a rollercoaster ride of laughter and absurdity, offering a unique blend of humor and heart in every episode. Tune in for an unforgettable comedic experience that will leave you in stitches and craving more. Don’t miss out—hit play and join Natty Bumpercar on his comedic journey through the ups and downs of life in Coffee-Can Alley!

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Transcription

Natty Bumpercar 0:00
I’m so strange, so strange. So strange yesterday, I kind of died a little bit, which is I know a strange way to start a podcast, especially the bumper podcast, by the way. Hello, everyone. This is Natty Bumpercar. And this is the bumper podcast, your weekly jump into fun, Ray. And so let’s start it off with with that yesterday. Well, first of all, so I don’t know where anyone is here at the bumper podcast. I haven’t seen pig. I haven’t seen Rufus. I haven’t seen producer and doodle poodle, anybody for weeks. And I come in, and I just kind of click on record and it seems to be working. I mean, the thing is, Do I even need producer? I don’t know, I honestly don’t know. But that is not the question for today. To question for today is what in the world happened yesterday? What in the world? Well, I got up. And I took one of the kids to school. And then I came home back to headquarters here. And I had a little sip of water because water is good for you in the morning. And then the one of the other one of the kids had left, like a little glass of orange juice on the table, and not very much at all. But I was like, oh, I’ll just finish that. Because as a parent, I’m a vulture, and I just go and I finish off whatever the food is, it’s left around. And then I went upstairs and I was gonna go back to bed because I was tired. And it was Monday. And on Mondays. Sometimes I pass out because the weekends are so much fun. That’s what it is. I’m so tired from all the fun that weekends are. I used to love weekends growing up. I remember man, I’d be like, Oh, I can’t wait for the weekend. Everybody’s everybody’s working for the weekend. Here we go. It’s Saturday morning. Whoo. I’m gonna sleep in and then I’m gonna do fun stuff. And now it’s just like, oh, no, no, as a parent, the weekends got in the way it gets here. Oh, no. And then Monday comes in. I’m tired. But so I got into bed. And my hands were weirdly itchy. Like, I was like, What is going on hands? Why are you so itchy. And they were kind of dry. And so I was like, alright, I’ll just go, you know, like, put some lotion on him. And that’ll that’ll fix that. And then I started to feel and this was happening pretty rapidly. My my lip was feeling kind of weird. And it’s like, All right, well, let’s go check it see. And so I went to the bathroom, and I was I was looking for the lotion, and then I shut the mirror. That’s where it is. And I saw my face. And my lip was gigantic, and purple. And my eyes like were swollen almost to being shut and they were bright red. And then not only was the rest of my face, very swollen. But I noticed that my tongue swollen, my throat swollen and the breathing. The breathing was not good. And so I I grabbed my rescue inhaler, and I did the did that. Just hopefully I was like alright, this will open up my airways. And then I was just like, alright, calmly, calmly. Let’s find the shoes. Let’s make sure we have all the stuff the wallet, the phone, the keys are right. Where’s the jacket? Perfect. Let’s go downstairs. Let’s get to the car. Let’s go to the closest urgent care and I was doing this all as the everything was getting much worse. Like the breathing was just like and the like the tongue it was. I don’t I don’t like tongues. I don’t like to talk about tongues. I think they’re weird and kind of gross. But the tongue was a lot. It was a lot more than it’s supposed to be. And I also I couldn’t talk and so really just around the corner not I would say maybe is three quarters of a mile away from the house is is an urgent care. There’s one that’s closer, which is a CVS, but I looked on the thing and they were not open yet. And so I went to the other one. And at a light, there’s two lights in between my house in this place. So at the second light, it was red light. And so I texted my wife and I was just like, Hi, I’m having an allergic reaction. We’re going to urgent care, period. That’s all I saw at time, then the light turned her send light green, off, we go to the urgent care, get to the urgent care Park can’t breathe, like really can’t breathe, stumble into the place, lumbar into the place. There’s no one there. And I look around. And I guess they heard me come in. And so a woman came, you know, behind the desk, and her eyes got enormous. And she said, can I please have your ID? And I was just like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because it couldn’t talk. I couldn’t speak at all like, rules. No, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, is how I sounded. But worse than that. And then the woman who there’s another woman who kind of looked in and she was like, get him back here now. And they got me back there sat me in the chair and started taking doing my blood. What is the oxygen levels and the thing around my arm to check my blood pressure, and all these things? And it was great. But they were running around like chickens. They were just running around in circles, like, what do we do? What do we do? It’s Monday morning. This is the first guy that comes in what? It’s not a good way to start a week called labor ambulance call the man ambulance quickly. And so the ambulance comes, but it took them about, I want to say eight minutes. I don’t know pretty sure it could have died that eight minutes. And so they get there. And they’re like, should we do an EpiPen? Do we need to do what have you been? And they’re like, get them on the stretcher. It was all very like, but do this. Gotta do this, get into that. And I, they got me on the stretcher. And they were asking all these questions. And they asked me to write down my phone number because I couldn’t say it. And I wrote mine. And then I wrote my wife’s number. And then I said, I was trying to say hold on do you want me to call my wife but they couldn’t understand it because it came out like this rah rah, love, love. And so I took my phone, they were like, We don’t know what you’re saying. So I took my phone and I pressed the you know, I was like call wife. And then I handed them the phone. And then she got a call from a police officer. And you know, when you get that call, it’s scary. And so she you know, I was talking to him about the situation what was going on? Should she come back? And I was like, No, I got this, you know, and then I get whisked to the ambulance. And they put an IV in me and then it’s Benadryl. And then things start to come down a little bit. They were debating whether to do the epi pen or not. And epi pen is like, the guy was telling me about it. And I wish you wouldn’t have it’s a it’s a tube with a giant needle, he said, giant needle that they jam into your leg and then, you know, like, whatever. And it’s what they do. When I guess you’re going into anaphylaxis, which is not good thing. So they, they were going to wait until we got to the emergency room because they were kind of monitoring everything. And I was I still somehow was getting oxygen. Even though I the breathing was just like wow, right, very rapid. And we got to the emergency room on the thing, and then they get me in there and then they start pumping me full of all kinds of other stuff. And you know, I was plugged in, I’ve got tubes, I’ve got things in my fingers things. There was this a lot. And I ended up being at the hospital for like 10 hours. And because they it was it wouldn’t the swelling wouldn’t go down. Like it was very slow, like, my face would get a little bit better. And I realized that about like, three o’clock that I hadn’t eaten anything since pretty much five o’clock the last day and I was just like and they’re like, What, and that’s because everybody was like What What are you saying what? I’m sure. And they were like, oh food. We have two two sandwiches. I was like, oh, not and they gay and then I just like everyone, Apple car or, or yoga. And they’re like, ah, applesauce, we can give you applesauce and I was like oh Huh.

And I’m texting, you know, people updates. This is what’s happening. This is where I am, this is what’s going on yada, yada. I’ll give you updates as I have them. Yeah, and one of the annoying things was I couldn’t go to the bathroom because of these things tied into me. But eventually I was I was like, I was like, the bathroom. And they were like, okay, hold on, well, unclick you unclick I click, I click. And she’s like, okay, it’s doors right down there. And, and I started walking out of the room. They asked me if I could and I said yes. And I got like two feet out of the room, they had forgotten to unplug, like, some major thing. And it knocked me back. And it almost, and the equipment, like almost fell over. And like, so everyone in the emergency room was like, gasp it says everything. Okay? And I was just like, they were like, Oh, we’re sorry. And then I, you know, I use bathroom. And then like, a couple hours later, things were down enough. My face was okay. And they were like, Okay, you seem good. Okay, called the wife. She and the kids came and got me. And I Yeah, you know, it’s better. Now I was given all kinds of medicine, I’m going to see an allergist, see what happened. And because it was very random, and the only thing that we could figure out was it was this orange juice, because that was all I had. And we were looking at the bottle and it was orange juice that had calcium in it. And then I started researching, and it seems like calcium citrate or calcium phosphate, or some of the things that they put into the orange juice that I maybe had a bad reaction to. And so it was a pretty fun day, pretty much everyone thought that I was going to be dead or die or whatever. And my main fear was that they were going to intubate me. So put like a tube in my throat so that I could breathe, because then my fear was, well what is my voice sound like? Like, how is this going to impact how my voice sounds which I use my voice for a lot of things, talking being one of them, but now it’s all fixed except for the cleanup and the tears.

Outro 12:42
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee Ken alley. It’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon.

NonPro 14:01
This has been a non productive media presentation, executive producer Franco Blaue. This program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution non commercial no derivatives license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information visit non dash productive.com

About This Episode

In this intense and dramatic episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares a harrowing real-life experience from the previous day. After drinking leftover orange juice, Natty suffers a severe allergic reaction that sends him rushing to urgent care and then the emergency room. With his face swollen, breathing compromised, and unable to speak, Natty recounts the frightening 10-hour ordeal with his characteristic humor despite the serious circumstances. He describes the emergency response, medical treatment, and his fears about intubation affecting his voice. The episode takes a personal turn as Natty reflects on being alone at podcast headquarters without his usual cast of characters like Rufus, Producer, Pig, and Doodle Poodle, and ends with plans to see an allergist to determine the exact cause of the reaction.

Memorable Quotes

“I saw my face and my lip was gigantic and purple. And my eyes were swollen almost to being shut. And they were bright red.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“My main fear was that they were going to intubate me. What does my voice sound like? Which I use my voice for a lot of things. Talking being one of them.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I used to love weekends. Now it's just like, oh, no, no. Parent, the weekend's coming. Oh, no.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #allergicreaction #emergencyroom #health #personalstory #orangejuice #hospital #medicalemergency #parenting

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so strange so strange so strange yesterday i kind of died a little bit which is i know a strange way to start a podcast especially the bumper podcast by the way hello everyone this is natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast um your weekly jump into fun hooray and so let's start it off with uh with that yesterday well first off also i don't know where anyone is here at the bumper podcast i haven't seen pig i haven't seen uh rufus i haven't seen producer and doodle poodle anybody for weeks and i come in ged Kind of click on record and it seems to be working. I mean, the thing is, do I even need producer? I don't know. I honestly don't know. But that is not the question for today. The question for today is, what in the world happened yesterday? What in the world? Well, I got up and I took one of the kids to school. And then I came home back to headquarters here. And I had a little sip of water because water is good for you in the morning. And then one of the kids had left like a little glass of orange juice on the table. And not very much at all. But I was like, oh, I'll just finish that because as a parent, I'm a vulture. And I just go and I finish off whatever the food is that's left around. And then I went upstairs and I was going to go back to bed because I was tired. And it was Monday. And on Mondays, sometimes I pass out because the weekends are so much fun. That's what it is. I'm so tired from all the fun that weekends are. I used to love weekends. Growing up, I remember, man, I'd be like, oh, I can't wait for the weekend. Everybody's working for the weekend. Here we go. It's Saturday morning. Woo. I'm going to sleep in and then I'm going to do fun stuff. And now it's just like, oh, no, no. Parent, the weekend's coming. The weekend's here. Oh, no. And then Monday comes and I'm tired. But so I got into bed and my hands were weirdly itchy. Like, I was like, what is going on, hands? Why are you so itchy? And they were kind of dry. And so I was like, all right, I'll just go, you know, like put some lotion on them. And that'll fix it. It'll fix that. And then I started to feel, and this was happening pretty rapidly. My lip was feeling kind of weird. And I was like, oh, all right, well, let's go check and see. And so I went to the bathroom and I was looking for the lotion. And then I shut the mirror. That's where it is. And I saw my face and my lip was gigantic and purple. And my eyes, like, were swollen almost to being shut. And they were bright red. And then not only was the rest of my face very swollen, but I noticed that my tongue swollen, my throat swollen, and the breathing, the breathing was not good. And so I grabbed my rescue inhaler. And I did that. Just hopefully, I was like, all right, this will open up my airways. And then I was just like, all right, calmly, calmly. Let's find the shoes. Let's make sure we have all the stuff, the wallet, the phone, the keys. All right. Where's a jacket? Perfect. Let's go downstairs. Let's get to the car. Let's go to the closest urgent care. And I was doing this all as the everything was getting. Much worse. Like, the breathing was just like. And the, like, the tongue. It was, I don't like tongues. I don't like to talk about tongues. I think they're weird and kind of gross. But the tongue was a lot. It was a lot more than it's supposed to be. And I also, I couldn't talk. And so. Really, just around the corner. I would say maybe three-quarters of a mile away from the house is an urgent care. There's one that's closer, which is a CVS. But I looked on the thing, and they were not open yet. And so I went to the other one. And at a light, there's two lights in between my house and this place. So at the second light, it was red light. And so I texted my wife, and I was just like, hi. Hey, having an allergic reaction. We're going to urgent care. Period. That's all I had time. Then the light turned green. Send. Light green. Off we go to the urgent care. Get to the urgent care. Park. Can't breathe. Like, really can't breathe. Stumble into the place. Lumber into the place. There's no one there. And I look around, and I guess they heard me come in. And so a woman came behind the desk, and her eyes got enormous. And she said, can I please have your ID? And I was just like, because I couldn't talk. I couldn't speak at all. Like, is how I sounded. But worse than that. And then the woman who, there's another woman who kind of looked in, and she was like, get him back here now. And they got me back there, sat me in a chair, and started taking, doing my blood, what is it? Oxygen? Oxygen levels. And the thing around my arm to check my blood pressure and all these things. And it was great. But they were running around like chickens. They were just running around in circles. Like, ah, what do we do? What do we do? It's Monday morning. This is the first guy that comes in. Ah, this is not a good way to start a week. Call the ambulance. Call the ambulance quickly. And so the ambulance comes. But it tipped them about, I want to say, eight minutes. I don't know. Pretty sure I could have died that eight minutes. And so they get there, and they were like, should we do an EpiPen? Do we need to do an EpiPen? And they were like, get him on the stretcher. It was all very like, bah, do this, got to do this, got to do that. And they got me on the stretcher. And they were asking all these questions, and they asked me to write down my phone number because I couldn't say it. And I wrote mine, and then I wrote my wife's number. And then I said, I was trying to say, hold on, do you want me to call my wife? But they couldn't understand it because it came out like this. And so I took my phone. And they were like, we don't know what you're saying. So I took my phone, and I pressed the, you know, I was like, call wife. And then I handed them the phone. And then she got a call from a police officer. And, you know, when you get that call, it's scary. And so she, you know, was talking to him about the situation, what was going on. Should she come back? And I was like, no, I got this, you know. And then I get whisked. And then I went to the ambulance, and they put an IV in me, and then it's Benadryl. And then things start to calm down a little bit. They were debating whether to do the EpiPen or not. And an EpiPen is like, the guy was telling me about it, and I wish he wouldn't have. It's a tube with a giant needle. He said giant needle that they jam into your leg and then, you know, like whatever. And it's what they do when, I guess, you're going into anaphylaxis. Which is not a good thing. So they were going to wait until we got to the emergency room, because they were kind of monitoring everything. And I still somehow was getting oxygen, even though the breathing was just like very rapid. And we got to the emergency room. I'm on the thing, and then they get me in there, and then they start pumping me full of all kinds of other stuff. And, you know, I have all this oxygen. I'm plugged in. I've got tubes. I've got things on my fingers. It was just a lot. And I ended up being at the hospital for like 10 hours. Because the swelling wouldn't go down. Like it was very slow. Like my face would get a little bit better. And I realized at about like 3 o'clock that I hadn't eaten anything since. It was pretty much 5 o'clock the last day. And I was just like, please have some food. And they were like, what? And that's because everybody was like, what? What are you saying? What? And I was like, give me some food. And they were like, oh, food. We have tuna sandwiches. And I was like, no. Nothing is happening. And then I was just like, I didn't want apple pie or pudding or yogurt. And they were like, ah, applesauce. We can give you applesauce. And I was like, . And I'm texting people updates. This is what's happening. This is where I am. This is what's going on. Yada, yada. I'll give you updates as I have them. Yeah. And one of the annoying things was I couldn't go to the bathroom because I had all these things tied into me. But eventually, I was just like, I hurt myself. I have to use the bathroom. And they were like, OK, hold on. We'll unclick you. Unclick, unclick, unclick. And she's like, OK, the door's right down there. And I started to walk out of the room. And they asked me if I could. And I said yes. And I got like two feet out of the room. They had forgotten to unplug a major thing. And it knocked me back. And the equipment almost fell over. So everyone in the emergency room was like, gasp? Is everything OK? And I was just like . And they were like, oh, we're sorry. And then I used the bathroom. And then a couple hours later, things were down enough. My face was OK. And I could talk . And they were like, OK, you seem good. I was like, OK. Called the wife. She and the kids came and got me. And I, yeah. I was better now. I was given all kinds of medicine. I'm going to see an allergist to see what happened. And because it was very random. And the only thing that we could figure out was it was this orange juice. Because that was all I had. And we were looking at the bottle. And it was orange juice that had calcium in it. And then I started researching. And it seems like calcium citrate or calcium phosphate are some of the things that they put into the orange juice that I maybe had a bad reaction to. And so it was a pretty fun day. Pretty much everyone thought that I was going to be dead or die or whatever. And my main fear was that they were going to intubate me. So put like a tube in my throat so that I could breathe. Because then my fear was, well, what does my voice sound like? Like how is this going to impact how my voice sounds? Which I use my voice for a lot of things. Talking being one of them. But now it's all fixed except for the cleanup and the tears.

Producer: The Bumper Podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean, and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show and you'd like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/. Also, pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. Share it with everyone everywhere. Post about it on all of the social medias. Or leave a rating and review. The Bumper Podcast is produced at Headquarters in Coffee Camp. It's recorded, mixed, and produced by a producer. The Bumper Podcast features contributions from Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot, Trunks, and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at nattybumpercar.com/. Also, you can follow me on Instagram. You can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar. Hugs and hearts. See you soon. This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive Producer, Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com/. For more information, visit non-productive.com/.

Natty Bumpercar: For more information, visit non-productive.com/.

Unknown: Thank you

March 12, 2024
Bumperpodcast #371 – Zippy the bug gets cold feet

Today, we get a visit from a sick little bug. I love it when we have guests – but, now I’m off to clean my equipment!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this charming episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar discovers a sick bug in his home and decides to help rather than squish it. He has a delightful conversation with Zippy the Bug, a young bed bug who stayed home from bug school due to illness from staying up too late at bug parties. Zippy reveals he can't fly but can climb walls, and has mysteriously forgotten his siblings' names after just two days. After safely releasing Zippy outside, Natty reflects on the season of sickness, shares a story about his son sleeping on the bathroom floor, and teaches listeners about the phrase "cold feet" (or "kolde fader" in Danish). The episode wraps with Natty's ongoing saga of Popcorn the dog eating everything and an expensive vet visit.

Memorable Quotes

“We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't make any sense. We're really good friends because I made you feel bad.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I went to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #illness #bugs #friendship #compassion #idioms #parenting #pets #health

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Zippy the Bug (Guest)

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: um what's um hi uh everybody there's a little bug next to me and i don't i don't know if i should squish it or if i should take it outside what do you what do you think little bug you don't know um well what would you rather would you rather be squished or would you rather go outside and live a life on a bush or a tree outside you'd rather go outside what now why is that are you afraid to be squished yes oh well that makes me kind of sad okay well then little bug i'm gonna pick you up uh with this napkin because i don't really want to touch you and i'm gonna just gently take you all the way outside okay now what are you gonna do when you're outside you don't know are you gonna go find your friends maybe yeah what do bugs do with their

Zippy the Bug (Guest): friends i don't really know do you go to like bug parties i don't know i don't guess i don't think

Natty Bumpercar: so do you play bug games yeah i guess wait why are you you seem like a young bug why are you at home today and not at bug school because i'm sick you're sick that's so sad how did you get sick

Zippy the Bug (Guest): i think from like staying up really late

Natty Bumpercar: oh so you were out at a big bug party last night doing bug dances and doing bug prances and doing all the things that all the bugs want to do is that what you're doing yeah i guess oh well i'm sorry you don't feel good did you take some medicine yeah that's good what what is bug medicine like what does it taste like i don't really know kind of yucky yeah i guess are you gonna have to go to the bug doctor no the bug is the bug ambulance gonna come pick you up and take you to the bug hospital no whew thank goodness because i don't think we have bug insurance um so tell me a little bit about your bug life do you how is bug school

Zippy the Bug (Guest): it's good it's good what do you study in bug school

Natty Bumpercar: i don't really know you don't remember yeah oh okay i understand how is your bug teacher she's she's fine well that's nice do you have any bug friends that fly yeah i guess and do you can you fly no do you just kind of can you hop or do you just kind of scurry around i just kind of like scurry around um do you stick to walls or anything or like are your feet sticky can you like climb things yeah whoa that's good you don't bite do you no oh thank goodness oh i didn't even i don't know why i didn't ask that first i don't want to get bit by a bug wait a minute you don't ever go into a bed do you yeah i go in my bed so wait if you're in your bed are you a bed bug yeah no i don't like bed bugs they're the worst oh you're not the worst though are you yeah i'm not the worst you seem like a pretty cool bug to me mm-hmm yeah well thank goodness well listen bug uh i'm just gonna pick you up with this napkin okay so be careful don't don't move around too fast i don't want to hurt you okay all right ready one two all right i scooped you up and we're gonna walk you out side and okay bug we'll see you later okay okay bye feel better all right

Zippy the Bug (Guest): okay

Natty Bumpercar: take your bug medicine and listen to your bug parents right yeah wait real quick before you go do you have any bug brothers or sisters yeah all right what what do you have uh like a brother and sister oh really oh that's nice what are their names

Zippy the Bug (Guest): um well i really remember because like they were i was like super for like two days and

Natty Bumpercar: Two whole days? Yeah. Oh, no. And you forgot your brother and sister's name already?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. What is your name? I just realized I didn't even ask you that. Zippy. Oh, Zippy the bug. That's a great name for a bug. Oh, okay. Well, if I let you out here, do you think you can find your family? Yeah. Okay. Because I don't want you to get lost or anything. Hey, listen. If you ever need anything, you can come back and just ring the doorbell and I'll come and answer, okay?

Zippy the Bug (Guest): Okay. Alright.

Natty Bumpercar: Alright. We'll see you later, Zippy the bug. Feel better. Okay. Bye.

Zippy the Bug (Guest): Bye.

Natty Bumpercar: Holy cow, Bumper Podcast. I didn't expect that at all. We had a fun guest stop by. Zippy the bug. Love Zippy the bug. I'm sorry that Zippy doesn't feel well. It was also, I was very sad that Zippy doesn't remember the name of his brother and sister. It was very, that worries me. I hope he's alright. I think after I finish recording this podcast that I'm gonna go and check on Zippy and make sure that he's okay. When I was holding onto him, I could tell he has a little temperature and I don't have a bug thermometer or anything, but I could just kind of tell by the way he was, he seemed like he was moving kind of slow, a little bit groggy, and he just evened through the napkin. A little bit warm. A little bit warm. It's that kind of season though, right? It's the time of year where a lot of people are getting sick. There's stomach bugs going around. Oh, a stomach bug. Wait a minute. That's not that kind of bug at all. Then there's like little colds, little fevers, and all this poor, poor people getting feeling, feeling rough by my, we have Oliver who's the younger, and then Emerson who's the older, and last week Emerson had a bit of a stomach problem, and he had to come home from school and there was one night where he didn't feel good, and I ended up, we both ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor because it was cool, and he said that made him feel better, and because he wanted to be in there, just in case things happened. I don't need to talk about what things happened, but just in case things happened, and we'll leave it at that. But luckily, knock on wood, he feels better, and his brother Oliver, he's done very fine, but now we got this Zippy the Bug feeling sick, so it's going around. Take care of yourself. Wash your hands. Wash your hands several times a day, and try not to touch your eyes or your nose. Keep your little fingers away from your face because that's how the germs will get in, and I don't want you to get sick. Okay? I want you to feel good because when you feel good, I feel awesome. I don't really know that. I'm assuming that. Yeah, I'm going to say that. If you feel good, then I feel good. Right? That's a good way to be. It's like if you see your friends doing well, if they're succeeding at something, if, you know, maybe if there's a school play and they get on the play, yeah, you gotta build them up because that's what friends do. You build each other up. You make each other feel good about things. I have some friends of mine and they don't always do that. It's more of a you knock your friends down a little bit and it's like, hey, man, that means we're really friends. And I'm like, wait, that doesn't make any sense. We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't seem to make any sense at all. No, no, no, man, we're really good friends because I made you feel bad. That just seems like you're somebody who's who knows a lot about me and then uses that to make me feel rotten. I don't want to feel rotten. I'm not an egg. I don't think eggs want to feel rotten either, though. I don't want to I don't want to pigeonhole eggs into feeling a certain way. You know what, eggs? You do you. You go feel how you want to feel. Anyway, guys, this is the Bumper Podcast. I'm Natty Bumpercar and it's cold outside. I went to take the kids to school today and for some reason I forgot to wear shoes and to go from the front door into the car and then I do a drive-around drop-off and I forgot to wear shoes and I I was so cold. I was like, I wanted to cry. I was like, why wouldn't I wear shoes? I need shoes on my feet. But, you know, mistakes are made. That wasn't how we wanted to start the day, certainly, with cold feet. Have you ever heard the phrase cold feet? It's if, like, it's something that people say where if they're nervous to do something. Like, let's say you wanted to audition for the big school play, right, with your friend, but you didn't do it because you got nervous and so someone could say, oh, hey, why didn't you why didn't you go audition for the big school play? And you could be like, oh, I got cold feet. I don't know where it comes from. I feel like I'm going to research. I'm going to do some research. We're going to learn on the Bumper Podcast. Well, did you guys realize that cold feet, it's kind of like anxiety. It's like you're having second thoughts. It's like you're feeling a little bit timid about something. Like you're almost weak in the knees about something. It's like you have reservations about something. It's, you want to back out of a situation that you're in. These are all various ways of saying you have cold feet. And so I found a definition for it. It's a phrase which refers to a person not going through with an action. You've got cold feet. It's, it's, it's, I don't know. You can have stage fright. That's another way of saying cold feet. And I don't know if I can, if I can find it. Ah, yes. This is my favorite. Here's how you say cold feet in Danish. Kolde fader. So, I think you should start saying that. Bumper Podcast Gatiers, we don't get cold feet. We get kolde fader. Why didn't you go to that big meeting? Kolde fader. Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader. That's so fun. I love that we learned something. We learned that bugs do in fact get sick and have to stay home from school and that they can in fact forget their brothers and sisters' names. And we also learned about cold feet. Kolde fader. And, you know, I think we had a nice time. Things I didn't tell you about. Well, Popcorn the dog continues to eat everything in the world. I took her to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat. And he looked at her and he looked at me and he said, Sir, that's clearly a dog. And I said, I think it's a goat. And he said, Dog. And I said, Goat. And we did that back and forth for a while. And then he said, Okay. Well then, take your dog and go. And the bill is $300. And I went to the front desk to pay and when they showed me that bill, I went to pull my wallet out and I didn't. Can you guess why? Kolde fader. Alright. Keep your feet warm. Go do what you're supposed to do. Don't get sick. Wash your hands. Looking out for you, Bumper Podcast. Looking out for you. You know why? Because you're the best.

Unknown: Thank you.

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February 21, 2020
Bumperpodcast #324 – Physiology

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

It’s a very loud episode of the Bumperpodcast as we fight with the raucous party in the washing machine, the dryer, and the dehumidifier to tell you stories about spoiled children and how they are potentially wrecking me – bit-by-bit. Please listen. Please enjoy!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this hilariously chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar records amidst washing machines, dryers, and dehumidifiers while sipping sweet tea. He shares a wild story about his son's elaborate school trading scheme involving smelly markers, a pencil case, and ten dollars that goes completely sideways. Natty also dives into waves of nostalgia while sorting through old boxes of baseball cards and photos from his art school days. Between dodging health concerns (including a mysteriously tingly face) and preparing for a rare double date at an Ethiopian restaurant, Natty reflects on parenting chaos, stress, and why his kids are basically plotting his departure. It's vintage Bumperpodcast: rambling, relatable, and ridiculously entertaining.

Memorable Quotes

“He traded it to a kid for ten dollars and I was like wait what is this none of this makes sense. That's some serious gumption to be able to turn that deal around.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“They're like, wait, you're not gonna be here? Perfect, that's all we want in life, is for you guys to leave us alone. That's all we want in life too!”

— Natty Bumpercar

“If I lose my face, I'm still going to be your best friend, right?”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #nostalgia #health #trading #kids #stress #dating #baseballcards

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: right off the bat i'm going to apologize for the audio quality of this episode i'm holding a glass of sweet tea that i made so that's kind of loud and then to my left there is a dryer that's drying clothes and then to its left there is a washer that is doing a deep wash deep clean of some bedding some bedding that i found in a box and then on the other side over there there's a uh there's a dehumidifier that's running now most of the time this stuff isn't running when i'm doing the podcast because i have some sort of you know idea on how to make decent sound recordings but today uh i can't avoid it because i was supposed to record yesterday but i didn't get a chance because there was a spring concert so now we're in full-on weekend mode which means crazy noisy very sorry but i didn't want to miss out on a week i didn't want to miss you i mean i miss you every day that i'm not recording so i didn't want to miss you even more if you get my drift if you catch what i'm saying if you know what i know what i know um so wait the bedding that's an important story in the garage we have boxes and boxes and boxes of stuff that was in a storage facility in georgia this is where my comic books were this is where my baseball cards were and but more importantly there's boxes of ephemera there's boxes of stuff what kind of stuff like old photo albums old newspaper clippings of me old art show stuff like stuff from a million years ago that i didn't even know i still had but uh one of my kids is obsessed because he can see baseball cards i don't care about baseball cards i just worked in the store and they would sometimes pay me with baseball cards but he sees these cards he doesn't care about the cards he doesn't care about the cards he doesn't care about the cards he doesn't care about the cards he just wants to be able to take them to school to trade them here's a tangent last week he was at school a girl gave him a uh a pencil case like a zip up pencil bag it was green clear full of stuff he then took that pencil bag and i and he traded it to a kid for ten dollars and then i was like wait what is this none of this makes sense how did you get the pencil case and he was like well i gave her two smelly markers one watermelon one licorice and i was like okay so the impetus is two smelly markers for which you then got pencil case full of stuff no no no i then put my stuff in there okay so you you took a pencil case that you would swap for two markers put your stuff in it and then sold that to a kid for ten dollars all right i mean like in my head i'm like that's amazing like that's some serious something gumption i guess to to be able to turn that deal around but then you know i was like i can't let you keep this kid's ten dollars like this i i can't what what do we know and it's like a kid a friend of his and i'm like it's kind of taking advantage of because i'm what do you take so i had to go to the parent and i was like hey explain the story and she's like i'm not going to okay i was asking him about that ten dollars because that was his change from the plant sale and i was like okay gave her the ten dollars back and i was like hey while we're at it maybe you can give me the pencil case back so that i can give it back to person number one oh we don't know where the pencil case is what what what what are we doing so now my kid's losing his mind because he had brokered this deal and i swoop in take his ten bucks and he doesn't get the pencil case back so he's he's out he doesn't have anything he's like that was all my stuff in the pencil case and i was just like ah ah and then i had to find the kid's dad with the pencil case and i was like hey situation here's what it is and he was like oh weird the way i heard it was there was an elephant pencil holder that uh your kid gave to my kid i didn't know about any pencil case i was just like this is this bonkers this makes no sense at all anyway so he likes to take stuff to school and trade it or at least show it off look what i got yeah well i got this now and he's been obsessed with these he doesn't the boxes of baseball cards i don't even know what's in there their things are 20 30 years old i don't care i just know i don't want him messing with them just in case you know they're gonna pay for his college that's not gonna happen i understand that they're worthless pieces of paper but who knows there's no it's whatever so i was like all right because he's been on me on me on me baseball cards baseball cards baseball cards so we went to the garage this week and i took some boxes of baseball cards out and i'm like here you can look through this stuff and as he's looking through that stuff i'm going through old pictures and then i i mean i haven't even fully recovered from the nostalgia the wave of nostalgia that that overwhelmed me and it was just like oh my god look at all these people that i used to know look at you know like look at these people look at that guy i used to you know hang out with all these people and like pictures of my uh graduating my art show that was i i can't remember the name of it but i just saw it but it made me so happy and all the art the paintings and the drawings and i look so different so at some point uh i'm gonna i had to put everything back because he kind of lost his mind because i wasn't just letting him have every single thing in the box uh but i'm gonna go through and i'm gonna post them around so you'll get to see what i looked like 100 years ago which is very exciting for everyone um on a side note so nostalgia right recovering from that uh i i have had this weird thing that's been happening to me and um i don't i don't want hey i can see how you're looking at me i don't want you to be worried i want you to calm down it's okay it's gonna be okay so you know i do it happens that's fine uh you know especially the weird weather changes if it's raining outside there's mold if there's pollen whatever you know i get i get uh allergies and then allergies turn into a little cold and a little cold turns into bronchitis what's up asthma so good for me so this week has been that but on a side note i've been getting this other weird thing this is physiology physiology not virology that is different this is physiology the left side of my face so from nose over to the left uh not all the way to the ear it's just uh cheek and into mouth and in the jaw it gets tingly fuzzy and i can't feel it what i know scary a little bit don't go on the internet and ask why your face is tingly you don't want to know what things could be happening and you don't want to know what's going on and i've had a lot of situations where i've had a lot of your physiological progression, I don't even know if I'm saying the right word, I'm gonna feel like I am, and when I went to the doctor the other day, because I couldn't breathe, like I just couldn't breathe, and she gave me this doodad that I had to breathe into, and so you put your mouth on it, and she's like, all right, take a deep breath, and blow, and I was like, I can't take a deep breath, I can barely stand without passing out, but I scored a 300, and she was like, okay, and then she made me do it three times, second time I got a 340, and she's like, oh, wait a minute, 340, that's not bad, meanwhile, I'm gonna hold on to the wall, because this is now a competition, and I want to give it my best blow, third time, back right under 300, because I had spent myself, I had, so all I had, I had given to get that 340, and she's like, all right, so normal people, normally, you're gonna be up in the like 500, 550 range, maybe even 600, and I was just like, so on. I'm half of normal, breathe-wise, and she's like, basically, basically, and then I start going over all this, this litany of other things that are going on, weird stuff with the old body, and I was like, my face, can't feel it, the left side, tingling, should I be worried, but I don't even know if she took a note on it, because she was so overwhelmed by all the other ridiculousness, and so now I'm like, all right, body, I'm gonna draw a line in the sand, and, and, and, um, if, if not better by this date, then I have to go back to the doctor, which I don't want to do, I don't want to be like a, you know, every time I walk in the doctor's office, they're like, bumper car, and I'm like, hey, everybody, I'm broken, I don't want that, I don't need that, I've got friends in other places, like sandwich shops, and donut parlors, and whatnot, all right, I'll keep you posted, because it's weird, it's a weird thing, it's not a comfortable thing, I'm not, happy about it, uh, I've been told that there's too much stress in the life, too much stress with a kid, too much stress with a job, slow it down, calm down, I'm not good at that, in fact, when you tell me to slow it down, to calm it down, you know what I do, I double down, I do more, it's a bad way to do, if people say slow down, you know what you should do, maybe slow down, maybe just slow down, I don't know, so that's what's going on with me, tonight though, uh, Mrs. Bumper Car, is it Ms. Bumper Car, Mrs. Bumper Car, I don't know what her name is, um, we'll call her Mrs. Bumper Car, and I, uh, we're going out, we're going out on a, on a, on a double date, on a hot double date, we're gonna get Ethiopian food, and, and, and it's very exciting, because you know what we don't do, and we're going out with people we've never gone out with before, people who might, in fact, be listening to this podcast, I don't even know, very exciting times, and one of them is a comedian, so this is, this is weird, I don't go out with people, I don't, we don't go out, we don't go out, you know, we don't see people, we don't do things, so this is a big evening for us, who knows how it's going to turn out, it's close to the house though, so, you know, if we need to, we're gonna, we have a sign, we'll throw the sign, and then if we have to split up, then we know we can meet back at the house, so, you know, and the kids, the kids are gonna have a babysitter, that's all they care about, they're like, wait, you're not gonna be here, no, they're like, perfect, that's all we want in life, is for you guys to leave us alone, and we're like, weird, that's all we want in life too, is for you to leave us alone, but they won't do it, I, today, it's, so it's a rainy day, we've had a lot of rainy days around, and we decided, we were like, what are we gonna do with these kids, we can't just sit at home, because they go crazy if you just sit at home, so we went to a mall that has, like, a playground, and we went to a mall that has, like, a playground, and we're like, all right, guys, you hang out in the play area, run around, we'll grab some lunch, boom, you're eating out, you'll love to do that, and then after that, I was like, hey, maybe we'll go get ice cream, I don't want, one of them said, I don't think I want any sugar right now, I was like, what, okay, so we went to some junk store, gave each of them five bucks, I'll go buy some junk, you know, and you're like, oh, man, your kids are spoiled, and I'm like, yes, they are, but 10 bucks is not a lot to pay. To hang out with you, like, if you go to a movie, you're talking $800, if you go to a, whatever, arcade place, you're talking $400, everything costs so much money, so $10, nothing, nothing, and meanwhile, you know, we get back to the car, and then they're, like, haggling with each other, like, oh, I wish you would have gotten me $8 worth of stuff, I'm like, you didn't have to get anything, and then, and then the other one was like, you know what, I think I want some sugar now, and I'm like, come on, all you guys just do is take and take and take and take, can't leave me alone, you guys are stressing me out, can't even feel the left side of my face, what's going to happen next, I'm going to lose the right side of my face, that's my favorite side of my face, guys, don't worry, though, if I lose my face, I'm still going to be your best friend, right?

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May 19, 2018
Bumperpodcast #315 – Headaches

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Oh no! We are all full of headaches, and it isn’t very fun. But – you know what is fun? Our little ad for an app called ‘Picniic’ on today’s episode of the Bumperpodcast!

Picniic is a nifty organization app for families who have way too much going on. I started playing with it last week, and was immediately shocked at how many times I have triple-booked myself over the next two months.

To check it out, yourself, go to picniic.com/getstarted to set up your account and use promo code: PODPIC for 30 days of Picniic Premium free! (Repeat with emphasis on URL and promo code and SPELL P-I-C-N-I-I-C)

Send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

Don’t forget to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976.

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar finds himself discombobulated after someone mysteriously steals his chair, forcing him to stand while recording. He discusses the challenges of shoveling giant snowflakes and shares a harrowing personal story about migraines affecting both himself and his son. Natty recounts an emergency room visit with his son and his own intense migraine experience that left him incapacitated for an entire day. Despite the pain, he reflects on the realities of parenting and how parents put their children's needs first. The episode offers both humor and genuine vulnerability as Natty navigates family health challenges while maintaining his signature comedic perspective.

Memorable Quotes

“Here's the thing with snowflakes so once they fall they're pretty much just like i'm just gonna stay here bro and you're like oh sorry bro but i need you to leave bro and they're like sorry bro but i'm here bro.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“When you have kids you're not even priority number you're not one you're probably not two you're probably not three you're as long as you can stand and blink your eyes then that's what you get.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“He was like i'm available friday night if you need to go to the hospital. That's very sweet like that he's scheduling his time out.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #health #migraines #winter #familylife #hospitalvisits #comedy

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: completely and totally discombobulated that is how i am today hello bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and why am i so flummoxed well somebody took my chair that's i'm just gonna put it out there i don't know who it was i'm not gonna point any fingers i'm not gonna like name names but my chair is gone i'm now i'm currently i'm standing and i'm talking into the microphone which is fine i feel like it's giving me a little bit of a different energy i feel like this is kind of a slightly different whoa this dude's just standing up while doing a podcast what is this stand up podcast come what i don't know stand up comp pod podmody comedy we ha wait a minute why don't we make a word we'll squish together comedy and podcasts com com comcast wait that's that's a company uh podmody it doesn't sound good it's that's you know what i'm gonna need your help with this because i can't figure out a good way i'm usually pretty good at making these uh these mashup words pod com anyway what else is going on well it's snowing outside right now those and it's those snowflakes that are so big like giant enormous snowflakes and they're kind of beautiful to look at because they fall really slowly i can see them out of my window but i'd rather they not happen because i have to then go out and gently ask them to leave my sidewalk and my uh driveway so that i can leave so that people don't fall and uh and ask me for money um here's the thing with snowflakes so once they fall they're pretty much just like i'm just gonna stay here bro and you're like oh sorry bro but i need you to leave bro and they're like sorry bro but i'm here bro and you're like bro and they're like bro it's a good conversation but they don't they don't move so then you got to get a broom or uh you got to get a shovel do you do any have you any any have you ever shoveled snow it's not fun it hurts it hurts your back me my lower back my my especially uh i've seen people if it's a dry snow they'll go out with a uh a leaf blower and they'll blow the stuff off i i'm not skilled enough to do that i don't think um so that's happening more importantly we've been struck by dun dun dun migraines really yeah poor m he's been having headaches and to the point where we uh we went to uh the emergency room we went to the doctor last week and then friday we ended up at the emergency room when we were there for so long hey guys if you ever noticed when you go to the hospital time seems to go slower yes yes i have um and he had to get a shot and here's the thing the doctor was just like how much does it hurt and he was like it hurts a lot and they were like well does it how much does it hurt enough we could fix it but we need to give you a shot so you can either you know whatever or we can give you a shot he's like give me the shot and i was like whoa the kid's asking for a shot that that means serious business is happening but that you know we got some uh some uh prescription stuff and he's been taking it and it seems to get better but then it comes back and it's back and it's back and it's back poor kid i feel terrible for him and then randomly uh monday night uh i so sometimes here's the thing guys a little bit about me i get migraines too not all the time but sometimes they run in my family uh which is great um it's a wonderful thing to pass down to people and it's a wonderful thing to pass down to people and it's a wonderful thing to pass down to people and i was like oh my head hurts a little bit and then this is when i got uh m and then by the time i got to ollie's school i was like oh no i'm in big trouble here this is not gonna be pleasant right and by the time i got into ollie's school so that was in the parking lot then by the time i got into the school i was just like the pain the pain is down oh i can't like i couldn't move it could hurt to move it hurt to breathe it hurt to my eyes everything and so i had to have the teacher help him put his jacket i was just like help him jacket please and then i got got him and i held his little hand i got him to the car and i had to sit there for a solid two minutes eyes shut like palms pushing against eyes to uh right myself so that i could then uh drive back home uh it was it was it was not a pleasant experience by the time i got home luckily and randomly my wife had left her car and i was like oh my god i'm gonna die and so she uh she was in the driveway and so i was just like help children me and so she's like go upstairs and that's where i was for the rest of the night it was but it was the most pain it was so much it was phenomenal how much pain i was in and um you know what i i'm gonna tell you i i don't this is fun i'm gonna tell you about it uh as soon as we get a word from our sponsor and now a quick word from one of our sponsors i'm so busy but luckily i discovered picnic it is an organizational app for my family i can enter events into a shared calendars we have to-do lists shopping lists and even recipes so you should totally go do it go get organized just go to picnic.com slash get started to set up your account and use promo code pod pick for 30 days of picnic premium for free that's picnic p-i-c-n-i-i-c.com slash get started and promo code pod pick so go and get organized today now return you to whatever in the world it was that you were listening to just before the commercial here on the bumper podcast good luck you're probably going to need it yay so picnic thank you again so much and real quick i wanted to say so we have been using picnic that was just a little commercial but uh sponsored by whatever but the thing is it's changed my life as far as i can put all my shows into it i put everything in there right but it's a little bit because now my wife looks at the calendar which is now a shared calendar so she can see and she's like oh you're you got a lot of you've got a lot of shows coming up you you're not you're gonna be gone a lot and i'm like i know it's great right and she's like and i'm like oh what picnic oh so you know but then it's also like if somebody's like hey do you guys want to have go to this birthday party on this day i'm like one second please and i go and i go to the party and i'm like wait i'm going to meet my friends there and i'm like why didn't I maybe i was going to the party because something's there so whatever it's great i love it i love it i love it we haven't done shopping lists yet because we're not that organized in life but maybe at some point we will morph into our next forms and uh our super saiyan organized forms and we can we can utilize that um and then once the kids have phones maybe we use it because you can whatever it's great try it if you have if you if you have kids especially do it because otherwise you'll go crazy um so So here's something this is me. This is me being fun at a party. So back to my headache It was it was really cool In a horrible way because I was in so much pain that I I was telling someone I was having like this out-of-body experience where I Was kind of I was it was we this is my it was my business how my brain was coping with it It was my brain was looking at my body and it was trying to It was me it was like visually trying to move things around to make it stop and like I they were like I would see like these little pegs and and my body my brain would push a peg Which and it was like and this is what was happening and then like sometimes and not even joking They would push a button or pull a lever or whatever and then there would be like an explosion of more pain And so it was like my body was playing this game To try to fix it or whatever it was brutal and You know all through the night It was kind of off and on and I'm up and I'm down and I got up late in the night at some point And had a bowl of cereal because I was also it made me kind of nauseous and my tummy hurt But I was just like I think I have to eat some sort of food or else. This is just gonna Exacerbate the situation make it worse. So I had the cereal And and yeah, whatever I woke up the next morning and it was still there, but it was dull and it was kind of over to the side So, you know, we we move on and move on but it was it was like losing an entire day It was how it was how it felt like by the time Tuesday rolled around I was you know, it's like what Pat? What was that? I don't want I would rather not have that anymore. Have you guys ever had these things there? It's yuck yuck It's a straight one-way ticket to yuck town. So don't do them So with poor M we got to go we got to get he's got to get an MRI And I was thinking I was like, can I sit next to him in the MRI maybe cuz I my brain is hurting too they said no and then he's got a Visit with a neurologist too. So I mean it's so funny when you have kids like I'm having the same stuff He's having I would go so far as to say worse, but it's not a competition competition but you take care of the kid and you know if you can still stand if you can still get from point a to point b then hey guess what dada mama you're just deal with it you got to deal with it so much like that's when you have kids you're not even priority number you're not one you're probably not two you're probably not three you're as long as you can stand and blink your eyes and uh sign the homework's done form or whatever then then that's that's what that's what you get so and i mean it's it's fun it's fun barely existing no but you know it's he uh emerson did come in that night uh on monday and he he you know he had been to the hospital on friday and he was like hey and i was like i couldn't even talk i was just like you and he was just like i'm available uh friday night friday night if you need to go to the hospital i'm i'm available and it was i was like that's very sweet like that he's scheduling his time out you know that he's not like um tuesday wednesday i'm pretty slammed but it looks like friday i do have an opening if you need to go to the hospital dada and uh the next morning ollie uh ollie was up first and so i went downstairs is this like oh that's so that's that's why you guys are the priority okay because when i get really old i'm gonna need to make sure that you you know spare your fridays to take me to that to the hospital or to the doctor and uh and give me sweet hugs so all right that is this has been your headache update episode of the bumper podcast i hope it didn't give you a headache aha a waka a waka waka uh but anyway thank you so much for listening have a great day watch out for the snow and you know as always you gots to do it

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February 9, 2018
Bumperpodcast #292 – Stye in my eye

Bumpercar has a stye on his eye – and a lot of his pals stop by to help. It’s a real humdinger of an episode!

Have you ever had a stye? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

Natty Bumpercar is suffering from a painful eye stye and seeks help from his puppet friends in this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast. Aloysious J. Pig offers unhelpful pig-related stye advice, while Robot suggests remedies he should have already known about. Producer attempts to cheer Bumpercar up with his singing voice, though Pig quickly shuts down his backstory. Through the pain and frustration, Bumpercar shares his misadventures with magical microwave eye pillows, including one that arrived pre-broken and gooey. The episode culminates with a surprise visit from a pirate character offering seafaring wisdom about eye patches and ship microwaves.

Memorable Quotes

“I think if you've got a stye in your eye, then I'm probably a first person, or animal, that you should have come to. Because I've got a lot of experience with styes. For instance, I was born in a stye.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“Can you please look through all your databases, and all your whatever wikis, or whatever encyclopedia, whatever you've got, and tell me if there's a way to make my eye feel better, to make my stye feel better, to make this guy feel better. That's a good rhyme.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Maybe I could produce some sort of salve. Or perhaps some sort of bomb. Or something. Or some sort of tincture to make your eye feel better today.”

— Producer

Topics: #health #eyestye #medicalremedies #misadventures #friendship #comedy #pirates

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Robot, Producer

Full Transcript

Unknown: Oh, I'm injured, I have a boo-boo, I'm not happy.

Aloysious J. Pig: Hey, what in the world? Hey, Bumpercar, hey, it's me, Aloysius J. Pig. Hey, Bumpercar, what's going on? Why do you feel like, what's going on? You got a boo-boo, huh?

Natty Bumpercar: What happened to you, anyway, huh? It's my eye, it's my eye, I've got a stye in my eye. You've got a stye? It hurts, and it gives me a headache, and it itches, and I'm not supposed to touch it, and all I can do is put a little warm pillow on it, and it doesn't do any good. What, what? I just don't feel good.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, first off, Bumpercar, I think if you've got a stye in your eye, then I'm probably a first person, or animal, that you should have come to. Because I've got a lot of experience with styes. For instance, I was born in a stye. I actually sleep in a stye. I eat a lot of food in a stye. Pig, it's not that kind of stye, would you just stop it?

Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's because it hurts, and you're not helping, and you're making me feel worse. I don't want to feel worse, I want to feel better.

Robot: Hey, it's me, Robot. I haven't been on the Bumpercar. I've casted a whole long time. There's a reason for that. Maybe I can help you.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, Robot. Thanks for coming by. I'm glad you're here. Can you please look through all your databases, and all your whatever wikis, or whatever encyclopedia, whatever you've got, and tell me if there's a way to make my eye feel better, to make my stye feel better, to make this guy feel better. That's a good rhyme.

Aloysious J. Pig: Please. That's a really good rhyme, bro. I know you don't feel good, but that was pretty, that was tight. That was really, that was on point. I like it.

Robot: He was talking to me, Pig. So, let's see. Have you tried using a little warm pillow? Are you serious? A lot of people use little warm pillows to make their stye.

Natty Bumpercar: I said I, that's the first thing that I did. That's the only thing I did. Okay. And it didn't help. I didn't know that.

Robot: Well, I- Well, I wasn't in the room. I wasn't here yet. I did say- So, how could I have possibly-

Aloysious J. Pig: Because you have a robot. You've got robot ears. I understand. You're not helping. No, you should be listening. You should be helping. Right. Or something. You know what? Listen. If you're not going to help- Okay.

Robot: This is good out. I'll be going now. Yes. I'm going. Okay. This has been Robots. Hasta mañana. Wait, the robot speaks Spanish now? Yeah, I guess. I didn't know.

Aloysious J. Pig: That's a new thing to me, too. So, he picked up another language, but he can't pick up listening when the conversation is over. When the conversation is happening on the podcast that he's going to interrupt?

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I don't understand this, though, man.

Aloysious J. Pig: He was outside the room. What the heck?

Natty Bumpercar: That made no sense to me. Okay. But I don't like defending robot, clearly, but he was outside the room, and I do feel bad that he was kind of thrust into this- I mean, he thrust himself into this situation and was immediately expected to perform, and he's not exactly what I would call a performer,

Producer: so- Well, speaking of performers, hi, robot. Hi. It's me, Producer. Hi, Producer. What's going on? I'm here to help you produce your show, because it's a bumper podcast. You have to do my show, too. And I haven't been around. He doesn't very long. Producer, I don't want to do my show right now. He's still got your pipes. Yeah, he's got his pipes. I don't feel good. I wasn't aware. Yeah, I've got a sty, so I'm injured. Maybe I could produce some sort of- What? Saf. Huh? Or perhaps some sort of bomb. A bomb? Or something. A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? Or some sort of tincture to make your eye feel better today.

Natty Bumpercar: I'm not going to lie, Producer. Just having you in the room with your singing voices made me feel a teeny tiny bit better. How do you sing better? Oh, no. Better. You shouldn't do that. Better. Oh, no. How do you sing so well? You're like a little ray of sunshine coming out. Oh, no. You're a little ray of sunshine in here.

Producer: Well, I took a lot of training in school and I went to all these different singing camps that I know.

Aloysious J. Pig: I tell ya, nobody really cares. Nobody wants to hear about it.

Producer: Okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah.

Producer: All right. Yeah, so just go on. That's fine with me, I suppose. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'm going to go now. All right, so you have- I'll see you soon. Okay. So here's the thing. You're a producer, so that means you're supposed to produce. Ain't really mean you're supposed to be on air talent. Ain't really mean- You know, you guys- I mean, here's the thing. You might have a story to tell. to tell i'm sure you do you're a great dude right however we gotta have people behind the boards people behind you know the switches and the knobs doing the things and making the magic happen here's the thing i'm a magician you're like my owl okay you're my uh i don't know he's funny rabbit no i know you're a frog you're a frog all right okay back to bumper car okay i'm going now

Natty Bumpercar: all right thanks for stopping by producer wow we're really getting a lot of fun visitors here today on i mean when i started the show i was basically in tears uh splitting headache so here's the thing a stye i've never had styes in my entire life that i know of no documented styes uh and then last month out of nowhere out of the blue in my right eye there was this bump on the eyelid and it hurt and it scratched and i was like what what so i went to the pharmacist and i pointed at it and i was like what is this fix it and they were just like whoa you got a stye and i was like oh no i've got a stye it's the end of the world they were like relax it's a stye people get styes and i was like i don't want to die they were like well we've got this cool little pillow that you put into the microwave and so it's it's like these little uh beads that get either really hot or really cold and if you put them in the microwave it's in like a little plastic pouch and then that goes into this little um little sweater little pillow sweater like a pillowcase but i'm calling it a sweater for some reason and uh you can only it says you have to do it in 10 second intervals 10 second the microwave doesn't do a lot but once you you know get up but then you have to watch it right because it expands so i used it the first day and it was great and it made my i feel better but i kind of burnt my eyelid which is not a pleasant thing to do they even told me be careful your eyelid is one of the most sensitive areas on your whole body and i was just like sure sure there's a sty it's gotta go burnt eyelid ow so then i had to deal with that fine uh oh and you know this is when i was doing commercials uh a couple months ago or last month whatever and it was like i had a big audition thing and and of course four days before the audition sty so then i had sty eye going into the audition dun dun dun is that why i didn't get it sure we'll blame it on that not my lack of talent uh and uh then on the second day with the little pillow i was so desperate for to to heal to fix that i i put it in for 10 and then another 10 and i would i take it out after each time and i feel this little pillow and i can shake it to feel the little beads moving around and if it's not warm then i still stick it back in uh 10 9 8 7 the little pillow broke this is a 12 item this is not something that i'm just gonna go out and buy all willy nil all the time and so then i didn't have it i was done and and luckily that time the sty just went away i think i whatever i did to it i scared it away and it was fine flash forward this week woke up the other eye another sty so now i'm asking people now that i've had this is this something is this my life it's not this isn't this isn't what i signed up for that's for sure so i went back to the place and they'd moved all the little pillows so i had to get them i was like where's the pillow i need a pillow for my eye i have a sty but she took me to the sty eye pillow aisle and uh it's not an aisle it's just one place there's only one left i got it home went to put in the microwave it's a pillow i have a sty i have a sty i have a sty i have a sty i have a sty it's all gooey it's all gooey why is this all gooey somebody had bought it popped it sent it back and then i bought it no sir no way so then on the way to work i had to go to a different one because it was more on the way to work and i was i was kind of preoccupied by it and uh driving a little bit quicker than i should have pulled over pulled over by the police here's what and here's how slow i was going though uh i was going like 35 or 25 which is too fast fine but i was going slow enough that the police officer who was standing like he was like leaning on his car he pointed at me and then he pointed in front of his car and i was able i was going slow enough that i was just like oh okay okay this is happening so it was a good morning is what i'm saying it was a good way it was on a monday morning it was the perfect way to start the week to start the day uh but it was it worked out fine don't let's not worry about me everything worked out fine so then i went to the other place i got the pillow and i've been using it ever since i've been using it a few days now uh stye still there stye getting worse uh stye uncomfortable but luckily we have the bumper podcast we have all my helpful friends here

Aloysious J. Pig: i'm here too oh my friend i didn't even know you were still here well you because you were yammering you start yammering sometimes at the show and i just like let you go i'm like just keep rolling bro keep rolling you ain't figuring out your stye but this you know who's gonna figure it out hold on a second

Unknown: oh hello there bumper car it's me i'm the parrot and we get styes quite constantly styes along with rickets and along with shingles and along with all kinds of sea legs as you understand so here's what we do on the boat is we take a patch and we draw a skull and crossbones on it and we put the patch over the eye of course we warm it up in our shippy microwave and it heals the eye perfecto mundo well you speak spanish too all right well then i'm gonna go

Natty Bumpercar: get a patch and it's gonna make me better

Unknown: hopefully i think we have time so let me show you thank you any unless you want to get ready and really uh but it's not like i'm so self-evident is gonna link you not this video really um like teach you all stuff and you i mean mean anything to me you're all going to figure this stuff out if you want fuck no it is wellomme man oh mandy dog

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March 30, 2017