Tag: Headquarters

Natty Bumpercar: well hello there bumper podcast it's me whatever my name is and this is the whatever this thing is and here we are all together doing this thing that we do all every so often not every not every week i don't want to say it's every week do i sound tired i feel like i sound tired i feel like you can hear the tiredness in my voice that's fine it's true this is my truth this is my this is the story of the boy who cries wolf and um we're trying to teach him a little lesson about uh not not lying not making everything about yourself a little life lesson a little moral of the story is uh well the moral of the story is that uh your child is going to wake up in the middle of the night and think that there's a wolf in the house uh coming to get them and so then you're awake in the middle of the night with your kids and you can't go back to sleep because what if there's a wolf in your house you know you never know did i lock the wolf door i don't remember did i leave a wolf key by the mat maybe they found it and came in i don't i don't know that's scary it's scarifying scarifying is uh scared and terrifying scary and terrifying scarifying i guess i don't know how are you how are you Why don't you do some talking today? I think that makes a little bit more sense. I don't know if I have enough gas in my tank to get us through this episode. So what I'm asking is for you to take the wheel, just take over, do whatever, contribute. What? Pig? He's asleep. Rufus T. Rufus? He moved into a motel down the street. What I'm telling you, everyone is suffering because of this lack of sleep. All right? Everyone. Even the kids. They have little bags under their eyes, little circles. Why am I so tired? Because you don't sleep at night. Yes, I do. But you don't. Remember? No. And that's the thing. I think that there's still kind of a sleep. When they're awake, which blows my mind because they're definitely awake. They're yelling, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, or even better, even better, even better, Mommy, Mommy. And then I go into the room. I didn't ask for you. I asked for Mommy. Like that. You know how that makes you feel at 3 in the morning when you've been woken up by these children? And then they kick you out of their room? It does not feel good. It does not feel like a happy moment in your life. There's veins. Did you know that you have veins in your forehead? I don't know if they're veins. I don't know what they are necessarily. But they'll start to throb. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like that. And you're just like, Mommy's not here. And you turn into a hair metal band, like the lead singer. You're just like, Mommy's not here. I start yelling, which then wakes everybody up, which is good. Because if I'm going to suffer, every… No, that's not how I feel. Man, I feel a little bit better now. I feel like I got that. that off my chest i feel like the uh we're kicking into second gear maybe uh which is good let me tell you let me tell you bumper podcast about my week last week i made banana nut muffins what yes i saw the bananas they were blackened and old in the uh the banana bowl whatever wherever the bananas hide out the fruit bowl and i was like i'm gonna make some banana muffins and then i looked and we had all the ingredients and so you know what i did i made them and one of the kids even helped he was helping me dump stuff into the mixer and uh but then he got bored and he went upstairs but uh they turned out amazing and some of them have nuts in them and then some of them don't have nuts in them because you can't take nuts to school and so you have to remember oh the bunny muffin covers do not have mutts mutts nuts oh i see i was trying to put on a I was trying to put on a brave front there and act like I was awake. This weekend, I'm doing a show. I'm doing a kid's show. A kid's show. It's at 1 o'clock in the afternoon in the city. And actually, it's going to be me and the boys are going to go to, it's at a comedy club called The Creek and Cave, which is such a nice club. I don't want to turn this into a commercial, but I really love The Creek and Cave. It's something about it. I walked in, and I was just like, oh, this is where I'm supposed to do jokes. This makes sense for me to do jokes. This place works in my brain. Now, if I can progress past just doing the kid's show at 1 o'clock on Saturdays, then we'll have something in our pocket. Anyway, so this kid's show, I did it a couple of months ago. And I just did my little set, and then I came home. And then, like, I did it. The next day, the guy, this really nice guy named Paul, he was like, hey, do I do it again? And I was like, yes, yes. And he's like, cool, I'm going to have you close the show. I'm going to give you extra time. You did a great job. And I was like, all right, look at that. So then I went, didn't end up closing the show, which is fine, but had a great time. So now we're two for two. And on that show, it was the week before Christmas, and it was snowy, and seven people came. So it was a little depressing. The first time, it was, like, sold out, which is fun. Now, he reaches out to me, and he was just like, hey, you want to do the show again? Yes. Well, do you want to host it? Because I'm not going to be around. And I was just like, you want me to run the show? I can run the show. I run shows. So as it happens, the wife is going to be out of town. And so I was just like, well, this is perfect. I'm taking me. I'm taking Paul. I'm taking the boys. We're going into the big city, and we're going to do a show. And here's how it works is in between each comedian, the kids in the audience are actually able to, there's joke books that they've brought, and they're able to tell their own jokes. Like, they get to come on stage and do a couple of jokes. So it's, and then everyone's like, ah, these kids are funny. And so I've been telling Emerson and Ollie. I've been like, guys, we're going to go do the jokes. And they're just like, Emerson's like, nope. And Ollie's like, yeah. And then he's just like, tell me about the chicken. And I was like, what do you mean? And he's like, he crossed the road. And I'm like, that's, it's close. You're really close. You're really close to having a joke there. And I love it. I, Emerson told me that he gets stage fright. And I was just like, you're seven. How do you know about stage fright? And he's like, remember? Remember my winter concert? And I was like, yeah, it was great. And he was like, no, it wasn't. Everyone was there. And I was like, yeah, that's kind of the point of the winter concert. You go on stage and you sing songs. You did a great job. You did a great job. So it'll be interesting. The only real hiccup, the hard part, is there's a big march in the city this weekend. So I got to make sure to avoid that. And we have to be there at 1130. And the show starts at 1. So it's going to be kind of a long day. I'm going to go with iPads. I'm going to have a bag of snacks. There is a Mexican restaurant attached to the club. Hello, nurse. So we will be having Mexican food. And probably going to have to bribe them with something afterwards. If you do this for me, then I will do that for you type of thing. If this, then that. But. I think. I think. And I'm hosting. So I got to go up in between each comic. So I got to sit them right up front so that I don't lose them. Because if I lose the kids in the city, I'm in big trouble. Oh, I am in Dutch. Oh, I am doomed. But I think they'll be fine. And hopefully they'll actually come up on stage with me and tell the jokes. So I don't know if you saw that, but the roller coaster just went back downhill. Back towards exhaustion. Back towards Sleepy Town. And here's the thing. I get to go to the office now. Where I will shut the door. I have the heat cranked up all the way to high. And then I play a game called Don't Fall Asleep. Don't Fall Asleep. Don't Fall. It's, it's. And then you know what happens? I fall asleep. And then I go to the gym. And I work out even though I'm super tired. So it's, there's a lot going on is what I'm saying. And then I'm going to come home tonight. And you know what my big plan is? I'm going to go to bed by 630. I'm going to be in bed, hopefully asleep by 647. So that's a big night for me. Fingers are crossed. I think it's going to go well. I think it's going to go pretty exciting. I miss you guys. I'm glad to see you. I'm glad you hung out. I'm sorry there's no characters today. But they're, if I could be sleeping right now, I would. But I can't. I got work to do. I got things to do. I got stuff to do. I got what? What got work to do? I got things. I got things to do. I got stuff to do. I got what? What? What? What? Come on, y'all. Let's come on, y'all. Let's all go to sleep, y'all. Let's take a little nap. Let's go to bed. Let's, let's go to sleep, y'all. Work to do. I got stuff to do. I got things to do. I got what? What? Work. You know what I'm saying? Work to do. I got stuff, stuff. Come on, y'all.