Tag: Funny

Natty Bumpercar: Did you notice that there was a lot of complaining and whining and hooting and hinting and hinting me in last week on the Bumper Podcast? Well, this is, uh, my name is, uh, I'm a pirate, probably. And my name, yeah, well, my name is, I don't remember my name, because I'm a pirate, and when people see me, people know my name, and so I don't have to go around telling people what my name is. I waff off my ship into the port, and I steal everything, and people know my name, but I would just by my face, and a little bit by my voice as well, but they don't necessarily, I don't have to, I don't have a business card. Why would I? I'm a pirate. Pirates don't, I can't read, and I don't care what my name is anymore. You care what my name is. Because I'm the one who's going to be stealing things from you. I'm going to be stealing your women and your children and your booty and your gold and your frankincense and your myrrh and your Kit Kats, because I love Kit Kats. I don't understand how they're made. There's, there's cookie crisp, and then there's chocolate, and they're all squished together into tiny microcosmic little things, and of the pirate ship, we all break off one for our friends, and we say, give me a break. Har! Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that. There. Har. Bar. But it's difficult, because as we're all pirates, and we, none of us care much about our names, then we look around the pirate ship, and when you have to get something done, it's like, hey, there, you, pirate man over there, and then the one looks around, because no one, everyone's a pirate man on the ship, and so they don't know who's talking to who, because they're all, pirates, and so you never get anything done. It's a, really, we should probably figure out some sort of a naming mechanism so that people know who's talking to who at all times. It makes the ships very difficult. It makes every little thing a lot more difficult than it should have been if you could have just said, hello there, pirate Bob, I need you to go and get me some fish. There's a lot of fish that they would, a lot of, that's a lot of, that's a big job on the ship. Who's gonna get the fish? And if we could have a board, maybe, on the ship. Now, I'm thinking we're probably going to need to take some sort of reading lessons, where we all read, and we have names, and we have a, a chore board. Yeah, that's what we need. We need a chore board, and we're gonna have all the different chores of the ship upon the board. It's gonna say, uh, swab the deck, uh, hang the sails, uh, get the fish, you know, all the different things that happen. And then we can be like, uh, pirate Bob, you do Tuesday. Uh, who's gonna do the laboratories? That's what we call bathrooms on the pirate ship. No, we don't. No, no. We don't call it laboratories. No, we don't. We don't call it laboratories. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That's right. Over the rail. Because we're pirates. Good joke. Uh, uh, pirate man. No, you. You're the one who said the pirate Right there, I'm pointing at you because, yes, with the stripy shirt, black and white, not blue. Yes, black, white, you. Funny joke. You know what? We're also on the board. We're gonna have gold stars, and if anyone has a funny joke or a good idea, they're gonna get a gold star next to their names. So, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna take some continuing education classes. We're going to learn how to read just basic stuff you understand. Nothing too hard. And then from there, we're all gonna get names. What's that? Good point. We're probably going to need to have names before we do the continuing education so that we can fill out all the forms and all the paperwork and take the classes. Are you correct? We can't fill out the paperwork if we don't know how to read and we don't know how to write. This is never gonna work. Is this what we've done? We've never done this. Okay. So, what is your plan? Excellent. We don't care about names. We don't care about reading. We don't care about writing because we are pirates, and all we care about is stealing and ravaging, right? Yes, and looting and pillaging and more stealing. So, no more names. You're a pirate. You're a pirate blue pants. You're a pirate red bird, and I'm the captain pirate of the whole ship, I think. Is that my name? Huzzah!