Tag: Funny

Bumperpodcast #383 – Hiding out

Where is Natty and what is up with the Bumperpodcast?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar has been living in a dumpster for two weeks after Sal Salesman took over the studio and changed the locks. Using a makeshift mobile recording setup made from rocks, copper wire, and bubble gum, Natty records his predicament while hiding from what he believes is a hostile takeover. Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig eventually find him and reveal he's been unnecessarily hiding – they've been at headquarters eating Funyuns the whole time. The episode captures Natty's descent into dumpster-dwelling madness, his friendship with rats named Ratsky and Raffy, and the gang's efforts to rescue their smelly host from his self-imposed exile.

Memorable Quotes

“Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. There are some lines in society that I will not cross.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I made a couple of friends in here… It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #misunderstanding #homelessness #friendship #survival #food #dumpsterdiving #podcasting #hygiene

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: holy cow everybody it's me natty bumper car and i know you've been wondering natty where have you been last episode was crazy sal salesman came in and he took over the studio and he made rufus t rufus run away and and and and now what you haven't recorded and so i'm sure you're like is everything okay no it's not okay i'm on the run i'm hiding okay because sal salesman he went in he took over the whole studio he changed the locks i'm actually recording this on my mobile podcast recording equipment so i hope that it sounds okay to you oh man and i don't know about you but it's been so hot so i haven't even had any kind of air conditioning or access to running water or a bathroom anything everything's just gone off the rails here i mean do you even remember when rufus t rufus showed up and he kept trying to take over the show and now the sal salesman shows up and he's rufus is gone i haven't heard anything from him i mean granted i did leave my phone uh back at at headquarters so maybe he's been trying to call me um but i don't know that's a thing and and maybe or email i don't you know i don't really have any way of communicating with anybody right now so i don't know what's going on uh and and it took me this long so my mobile podcast recording studio what i had to do was i got i i got some rocks and i got some twigs and and and i found uh a blue jay which is a bird and the blue jay i asked i said do you have any kind of wire and um he had some copper wire and i said that's bad i don't know what's going on with that perfect and so i traded him some of my sticks for the copper wire and then i wrapped the rocks in copper wire and um i fashioned this kind of a uh what is this thing called uh an antenna um out of the rocks and the wire and and but then it wouldn't stay together so then i had to find some old bubble gum and i used that to kind of stick everything together and uh it didn't do anything it didn't do anything at all um then what i think i hear somebody coming uh i don't i

Aloysious J. Pig: mean i haven't seen him in a couple of weeks and i ain't know where he is uh that i had to leave headquarters the south salesman said he was gonna start charging me rent and i don't even there's no income i can't you can't charge me rent i live here this is my house yeah you know and and so i

Natty Bumpercar: don't know i don't know what's going on really and yeah and so i found bumper car's phone oh

Rufus T. Rufus: so i can't even call him you know i've been trying to call bumper car now for two weeks and ever since the end what we're gonna call the incident you understand the uh the predicament uh the beginning of this this predicament incident the uh the in the infestation is what i'm calling it of that uh that name who's man whose name i shall not repeat uh and and and and so now it makes me a little bit feel better yeah he was not uh public i was not just ignoring no no no he wouldn't know but in fact

Aloysious J. Pig: seems like he's just disappeared yeah it was the strangest thing like he was there and then poof he

Natty Bumpercar: was gone right and so we all knocked on his room i thought he was asleep honestly because you know stress sometimes i fall asleep if i get super stressed guys and uh guys it's me get in here

Rufus T. Rufus: you were hiding right there the whole time no no no not the whole time but be quiet i don't want

Natty Bumpercar: anybody to see us just just come on in here and and and and and we can talk about this we can we can we can talk we can figure some stuff out uh you understand this is you're in a dumpster right now this is an act you're you're hanging out in the dumpster this is where you you you live no no it's not where i live clearly but uh i i it was raining a lot and then it was really hot and i didn't know where to go and it seemed like a good place except on tuesdays uh because that's when the big trucks come and so i have to clear everything out and and and and and and i can't be in here Normally, it's watertight. There are some mice who hang out in here.

Rufus T. Rufus: No, so those are rats. Rats hang out in garbage cans. It doesn't matter. You're hanging out with rats right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine. Mice, rats, it doesn't matter. Potato, potato, they're the same thing. I'm going to have to side with Rofus here. These mice and rats are completely different. Mice are cute, big ears, cartoony. Rats, scary, kind of disease-carrying, big scary teeth, claws. No, not the same at all. Not potato, not potato. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Doesn't matter. Anyway, this is where we are right now. So hop on in and let's make a plan.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, you know, I do not think that I will be doing that. And if you want, I was going to say we could go down to the diner or something, have a snack, a light lunch. I am not going to be getting into a trash can with you, sir. Not necessary, not appropriate. Now, I understand you're terrified of this Sal Salesman. He did definitely pull a woolly trick over our eyes. However.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I'm going to side real quick here with Rufus again. This is two for me. I'm not going to get in a garbage can. And this is a pig.

Natty Bumpercar: I am a pig. Aloysius J. Pig. I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. You understand? There are some lines in society that I will not cross. Fine, fine. I will hop out and then we can go somewhere else, but we do definitely need to have a meeting because, oh, I should tell you also, I am recording this right now. This is going to be an episode of the podcast.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, what are you recording it with? That don't make no sense. We're not the studios back at the house at headquarters and you're sleeping in a dumpster. So how are you making this into a podcast?

Natty Bumpercar: I don't understand. So I have a mobile podcast recording studio that I've set up here and it's got rocks and it's got some wires and some gum and then also I bought this little handheld radio to do because that other stuff really wasn't working, but I kept it around because I had spent so much time, working on it, so it's kind of a mixture of both of them. Good, you know, there's no such thing as a bad idea, right, guys? There's good, there's just good ideas and some other ideas that maybe aren't as well thought through. Okay. And so they're not as good yet, I think. Yeah, so, buddy, when's the last time you ate food or took a shower?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh my goodness. We cannot go to the diner. You smell… Horrific right now, Mr. Bumper. Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, cool. But I've been in here for a while and so, fine, maybe I smell a little bit, but we can, let's just go to a restaurant and I can hop into the bathroom and I can just kind of wash my hands instead. No shit. This is, we're well beyond a hand washing. Why don't we just go back to headquarters? You clean up a little bit and take a shower, clean, change your clothes, maybe burn those clothes and then we can all have a quick little meeting. But we, I can't, we can't go back to headquarters because Sal Salesman is there and he says he changed the locks and he's taken over the whole Bumper podcast and everything and, Rufus, I thought you would have like contracts or papers. Or something that would, you know, make it so that this wouldn't happen, but I don't know what's going on with this guy.

Rufus T. Rufus: As I, as I, as I said earlier, he did pull a woolly trick over our eyes, but here's the thing, I am very prepared emotionally, fiduciary, inspirationally. What? And what for? For such circumstances and let's just say that the law is on our side. Yeah, Bumper go.

Natty Bumpercar: So, this doesn't make, what do you mean, like, we can go back to headquarters? Yeah, absolutely. Well, so why have I been sleeping inside of a dumpster? Well. It doesn't make any sense. Why didn't somebody come and get me or tell me? So you, you, you left your phone at home and we've been calling you, we've been emailing you, I even, I sent some text messages, some private, like I was sending, it was everything we could think of,

Aloysious J. Pig: to get in touch with you, but we've all, I mean, like, there was that first day with Sal Salesman, but other than that,

Natty Bumpercar: we've all pretty much been at home and just hanging out, eating all the food. By the way, we are out of Funyuns, so if we could rectify that situation, that'd be pretty nice. What's he doing?

Rufus T. Rufus: Is he crying or is he laughing or coughing? You know what, you're okay. Come on now. Let's just get you on out of the dumpster house and let's go on back to headquarters and we can explain everything that happened and it's going to be all right. Okay, okay, okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Except for the Funyuns. Don't forget those. Of course, the Funyuns. Yeah. The Funyuns. Well, they're a delicious snack and I think they're healthy for you too.

Rufus T. Rufus: We aren't going to start saying what's healthy and what's not healthy because that'll, because that opens up an entire other legal battalion, you understand, of reciprocation and personification and whatnot. These are all legal languagees, languageas that you don't have to worry about, but let's just steer clear if you do catch my drift.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I agree with that. That makes total sense to me. Wow. Wow. I can't wait to hear how… I can't wait to hear what happened. I can't believe that I've been hiding out here and you guys have been at home eating Funyuns all week and… Yeah, well, yeah, it's okay. All right, cool. Yeah, it's all cool. It's all gravy, okay? So listen, I think whatever you've been recording, you should probably get rid of. This isn't really good for distribution, understand? You know, the sound quality. You're recording with rocks and wire. Nope. It's not gonna work. Listen, you know the motto. We record it, we post it. That's how this just always worked. Because otherwise, people are gonna be confused. They're probably thinking the same thing that I was thinking. They're just like, well, the Bumper Podcast must be gone. Got bought by Sal Salesman. And so this at least gives some insight, I guess.

Rufus T. Rufus: Fine, we'll keep the episode. But do you think I'm gonna be able to go back and do some editing, some scrubbing? Of the whole Funyun thing? Because I really don't want that out there. My paperwork plate is very full right now, and I don't have time for some shenanigans. That might be a good idea. Yeah, we can try that.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, yeah, I mean, I can give it a shot. So you guys just go on ahead, and I just have a couple of things to do here. What are you doing?

Aloysious J. Pig: Why are you climbing back into the dumpster?

Natty Bumpercar: What are you doing, Bumper? Well, no, I just, I made a couple of friends in here, and so I just need to talk to them about the situation. And we were gonna have, like, with the mobile podcasting studio, like, our own new thing,

Rufus T. Rufus: and I don't know. Pig, you grab his feet, I'll grab his hands. Let's just get this kid out of here. He needs to take a bath right now. Some lavender-scented salts or something like that. It'll bring you back. A little cup of orange juice, maybe a vitamin or two. Nice pillow. Fine, fine. Much better in the morning.

Natty Bumpercar: All right, fine, fine. I'll come with you. Uh, hey, Ratsky, Raffy, I'll come back for you, I promise. It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'll grab his feet.

Producer: This has been a Non-Productive Media presentation, executive producer Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

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August 4, 2020
Bumperpodcast #381 – Moving

What in the world is going on in the studio? What are Rufus and Pig up to – and how is Doodle Poodle involved?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In episode 381 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar returns to the studio only to find Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig attempting to shut it down and convert it into a hot yoga studio. Doodle Poodle had been recruited to distract Natty while the move happened, but the plan fails spectacularly. Natty explains his recent absence was due to pandemic challenges, homeschooling, and dealing with his dog Popcorn's separation anxiety. The episode features hilarious confusion over whether they're discussing hot yoga or hot yogurt, and Natty announces the podcast's exciting new partnership with nonproductive.com. Trunks from Pig and Pals also makes a brief appearance in this chaotic return to regular programming.

Memorable Quotes

“Did you just say yoga or yogurt because hot yoga yogurt does not sound appealing or appetizing to me or anyone on the planet.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“We're in the middle of a pandemic there's a lot going on, the kids are home, we're trying to work, we're trying to be teachers.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“It's a bumper podcast bumper as you will.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #podcastnetworks #contracts #studiodrama #pandemiclife #yoga #yogurt #doodlepoodle #yumya

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle, Trunks, Producer

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: uh yeah so you're just gonna want to move all those shelves over to the near the door

Rufus T. Rufus: perfect perfect and uh be sure that they don't mess up any of that paperwork that's inside of those uh cabinets because they are very important to the whole situation yeah yeah yeah okay of

Aloysious J. Pig: course so guys just be what he said just be obviously be careful with everything you're moving look at that lamp it can go also get a water cooler it's all this is all gonna go out

Rufus T. Rufus: front okay hey guys what's well what's what's going on now uh hey uh natty bumper car uh well so what we're doing here is we're gonna clean out the studio uh it's not a money maker you understand and uh we're gonna turn it into a hot yoga studio did you just say yoga or yogurt because

Aloysious J. Pig: hot yoga yogurt does not sound uh appealing or appetizing to me or anyone on the planet i think he said hot

Natty Bumpercar: yoga but i i do agree that hot yogurt sounds unpleasant um but why are we getting rid of this studio and why are we doing anything right now why who are these guys and why are they moving

Rufus T. Rufus: now i pig i was under the assumption that the dog uh the poodle dog was gonna be uh occupying natty's time during this transition what what happened with that exactly uh i don't

Aloysious J. Pig: know the last i heard that they were they was going out to uh to make some doodles and as they as the dog doodle poodle does and now but he's here so i can't i've been trying to text doodle poodle on the phone and i have not been able to get through to him so okay so this makes a little

Natty Bumpercar: bit more sense now because doodle poodle came to my room this morning and he was like oh my god i'm he said that we had to go on a doodling adventure he said and made me pack my bag and he said we're gonna be out all day and i was like well this is strange like i i hang out with doodle poodle every so often but this seemed like he was he had a a real strange intensity about him yeah and i um i was wondering what was going on and now i'm back and wondering even more what's going on

Rufus T. Rufus: yeah well uh pig as soon as you get doodle poodle on the line just uh hold on for a second i gotta talk to him but listen uh natty we didn't want to have to do this to you in person but you uh have stopped doing the bumper podcast on a regular basis you understand and uh ipso facto in your uh uh eternium your uh agreement here your uh law abiding uh paperwork uh your uh contract yeah your contract exactly i was having a hard time he uh you we we if you don't occupy the space of the studio at least three weeks out of the month that's three episodes per month no uh for more than two months then we uh we have to sell everything and shut it down as are you

Natty Bumpercar: serious like we're in the middle of a pandemic there's a lot going on the week we're their kids are home we're trying to work we're trying to be teachers i'm trying to be you know the my we haven't taken the dog to the therapist lately so i'm trying to help her out with all of her issues do she can't be home alone by herself did you know this she she gets anxiety she gets very worried separation anxiety that's what it's called and that's what i've been dealing with and the dog every time i leave the room i hear this not even a bark she says murph my name isn't murph what does murph mean murph murph i don't know i never heard the dog say murph before it's very strange this is popcorn right yes this is popcorn and it just i'm sorry that i haven't put out episodes as as normally as i usually do lately but it's just so much on my plate and it's i'm overwhelmed i'm not i'm not even well

Rufus T. Rufus: well well well well well well well well well well well yeah yeah classic episode that was classic bumper podcast right there

Natty Bumpercar: thanks and it's i'm i'm just i can you guys stop moving stuff please thank you so here's the other thing is we got picked up by a podcast network so we're gonna be on on nonproductive.com which is super cool and I talked to Frank over there and he wants to start putting the episodes out over there and that's awesome because you know that's a cool thing more people are going to listen to this I guess that's their problem not mine

Rufus T. Rufus: now that is a good point pig it sounds like that's a them kind of problem but now I have a me kind of problem you're falling into agreements with other people without any sort of contract is there anything I need to read maybe anything I need to sign I could endorse it with my signature I could you know put a stamp on it maybe a seal something like that

Natty Bumpercar: no I talked to Frank again he was very nice and I gave them I mean this is getting into the weeds but the RSS feed which is how people find the podcast and then he's going to put it on the network and then we have a little bumper at the end of the episode

Aloysious J. Pig: oh like the bumper podcast so it's just another bumper for the bumper podcast it's a bumper podcast bumper as you will

Natty Bumpercar: yes exactly and uh good point and uh

Aloysious J. Pig: oh it's doodle poodle I'm going to put him on speaker one second

Doodle Poodle: it's me doodle poodle I don't know I don't know where natty went we were out on the field and we were going to make some doodles

Rufus T. Rufus: he's here doodle poodle he's here

Doodle Poodle: oh he's back there huh I'm really sorry

Rufus T. Rufus: well you had one job doodle poodle you had one one job which was to keep natty bumper car occupied and you didn't do it necessarily and so he came back here and he found out what we're doing here in the studio which means no hot yogurt for you my doggy friend

Natty Bumpercar: I'm pretty sure that we decided that it was hot yoga yoga not yogurt because again the idea of hot yogurt it doesn't appeal to me I like cold yogurt cold I do

Aloysious J. Pig: so hey speaking of yogurt bumper car how's that yumya treating you have you been mass producing and mass manufacturing yumya over at see the bean

Doodle Poodle: oh yeah natty I forgot about yumya I was supposed to help you to make a logo right we're gonna doodle a logo for yumya yumya yumya

Natty Bumpercar: I know it's fun to say guys doodle poodle don't worry about it we already figured out kind of a logo type of thing but thank you for your help and also doodle poodle I'm so sad that you were involved with pig and rufus like I expect this from rufus I kind of have started to expect this from pig as well but from you why are you part of this plan

Doodle Poodle: they promised me that I could have some hot yogurt no it's yoga any kind of yogurt

Natty Bumpercar: it's yoga we established that yeah it's yogurt

Doodle Poodle: I don't like to do yoga it hurts my is it yoga

Rufus T. Rufus: or yogurt

Aloysious J. Pig: this is so confusing

Rufus T. Rufus: this is all very confusing but I gotta say gentlemen you can keep up with work because we are paying you by the hour so just go ahead and take all the shelves over there those chairs will stack on each other for easiest storage and movability

Natty Bumpercar: so we're not stacking everybody stop you guys can go home we have to pay you okay just hold on a second I will come pay you I'll write you a check and listen we're not moving anything we're not closing down the studio there's not going to be any hot yoga certainly no hot yoga hot yogurt because again we are on nonproductive.com and they're going to have our podcast and it's very exciting and we're going to be recording more often and you know it's going to be great so this is the bumper podcast I am Natty Bumpercar you were hearing Rufus T. Rufus who is the lawyer around here you were hearing Aloysius J. Pig who is I guess the pig around here you were hearing Doodle Poodle the poodle who doodles because we're so literal and there's all kinds of other characters who are going to come around but we can't wait for you guys to get involved in all the shenanigans here at Coffee Can Alley we do make yum-yum it's kind of a yogurt-y treat it's pretty delicious we have this podcast every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday Aloysius J. Pig there he and his pals they have a show called Hanging Out with Pig and Pals we're real busy we're working on illustrating a book for a friend of mine there's a lot of shenanigans going on over here I know that's the second time that I've said it I may say it a third time I won't, don't worry but here's the thing we're excited to be back we've missed you and um

Rufus T. Rufus: now here I have this paper over here that I need you to look at and read just to make sure that we are in agreement that you understand that 50% occupancy or else this room this studio as it were will be returned to its original state which is of course the yogurt shop no it's yoga

Aloysious J. Pig: yoga

Doodle Poodle: that sounds like toga toga like we're gonna have a big party or something I love parties parties are the most fun thing in the whole wide world

Natty Bumpercar: I I love parties and fine Rufus I'll read over this contract again but we're fine we're gonna we're gonna keep pumping out episodes this is episode 381 do you understand how amazing that is this podcast has been around longer than the children longer than the dog yep okay this is

Rufus T. Rufus: it's got legs that's true I hope it it's got legs knows how to it's a song yeah

Aloysious J. Pig: that was really good that was really close to copyright infringement for a lawyer I gotta say and it sounds please don't ever sing again Rufus that was painful

Natty Bumpercar: to my sweet little ears uh ooh speaking of sweet little ears I forgot hey um from pig and pals hey trunks get over here I wanna hear from you real quick

Trunks: yeah yeah everybody it's me trunks and I don't know if I'm supposed to do the weather report over here or what exactly but um it's nice to see you I can't wait to have some hot yogurt

Natty Bumpercar: alright everybody this has been the bumper podcast I am natty bumper car to everyone from nonproductive.com welcome aboard we're gonna have a lot of fun I almost promise I don't promise nothing but I do promise that uh you'll be hearing my voice more than ever so uh hugs and hugs and hearts take care of yourself goodbye

Producer: this has been a nonproductive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com

Doodle Poodle: you you you you you you you you you

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July 10, 2020
Bumperpodcast #374 – Nighttime crew

On today’s Bumperpodcast, Natty talks about how nightmares happen because of a lack of a labeling system in your brain. What?!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 374, Natty Bumpercar gets candid about exhaustion after one of his four children experiences three nightmares in one night. Drawing from his middle-of-the-night comforting duties at 2:33 AM, Natty develops an elaborate theory about how the brain processes stress through a "day crew" and "night crew" filing system. He proposes that unlabeled emotional folders lead to nightmares, suggesting a color-coded organizational system for feelings to help the night shift brain workers process daily anxieties more effectively. Natty also shares his thoughts on creating helpful daily routines and structures for children while maintaining flexibility for spontaneous fun. This sleepy but thoughtful episode balances humor with genuine parenting wisdom about managing childhood stress and emotions.

Memorable Quotes

“I went to a grocery store and we walked around and we ate samples. I had a little flaky pastry with some cheese in it. They gave me a piece of steak at the sample booth. What kind of magical dreamlike store is this?”
— Natty Bumpercar

“The night crew opens it and they're like whoa whoa whoa we didn't deal with any of that stuff today. Let's just throw it all against the board and see what happens. The dream board as it were.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“You want to have it so it can bend a little bit. Be spontaneous. Go have some fun, loosen up, live a little bit. Within certain boundaries, within certain structures.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #nightmares #sleep #anxiety #mentalhealth #dailyroutines #brainscience #emotions

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well well well if it isn't the bumper pod casketeers my favorite people in the whole wide world hi there guys how's it going it's me natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast and today we're gonna talk about being tired being so very tired one of my four children had three nightmares last night it was like a christmas carol but in the middle of uh march he had he had one one and he but he couldn't remember his his nightmares have you ever had nightmares before man i have and they can be so scary after he had his nightmares and i finally got to sleep um i didn't have a nightmare but i had a fun dream which is it's weird for me to say it's a fun dream but i went to a grocery store and i had a fun dream and i had a fun dream and grocery store with a couple of friends of mine and we walked around and we ate samples i mean it doesn't sound like a lot of fun i understand that but for me at the moment it seemed like the best kind of fun um i had this i had this a little uh a little pastry a little flaky pastry with some kind of cheese in it oh it was so good i had um a piece of steak they gave me a piece of steak at the sample booth i've never i've never had steak at a sample booth what kind of magical dreamlike store is this i don't know but when i was asking him about his dreams he couldn't remember all he remembered is that he was sad and scared and and it made me sad and so i i came into his bed and uh i i laid down so what we do is because he has you know a tiny little bed is his head's on one end then my head's on the other and then our feet are going in the opposite direction and that's just so we have you know a little bit a little bit of room right to to try to get back to sleep and then i take my my left hand and i kind of laid it down over his uh onto his legs and just kind of patted him just saying it'll be okay buddy it'll be okay it'll be okay and he calmed down and you know before we even he came into the room and got us and uh i gave him a big hug big tight bear and i said are you okay what's the matter are you gonna be you're gonna be okay you know daddy's here mommy's here we're we're here everyone is here and he said okay because he was very tired also it was the middle of the night when this happened and like like 2 33 in the morning that's very very early or late i guess it's it's this is a uh is your glass half full or half empty kind of it was very middle of the night we'll say that and so i got him back into bed and uh he actually he wanted a little a cup of water and then he used the restroom and then we got back into bed and i i patted his legs and i said it's going to be okay it's going to be okay now i have a theory and you can tell me what you think about this theory but i have a theory and my theory is if you're in uh if you have some sort of sort of stress some sort of tumult some sort of uh rough times during the day maybe that sometimes your brain doesn't want to deal with that rough stuff that stress at that moment and so your brain stores it all into a folder back in the back of your brain right into the your storage and then when you lay down the night crew comes in and uh takes over from the day shift they said hey see you later and they're like hey night shift we'll see you later and the night shift comes in and they've got this stack of folders you know from the day they're like okay we got to process all this stuff that happened during the day you know they start going through the folders oh look this we played kickball it's a little let's have a little kickball dream even if it's just a tiny dream oh this folder is very heavy and very dark and very oh well let's open it oh my goodness there's a lot of stress this child was worried about something oh what what in the world maybe it's that you have a test coming up maybe it's that somebody said something mean to you maybe your dog ate your ball or something like that you know all that stuff goes into your folder your sad scared worried angry folder whatever and then when this night crew opens it they're like whoa whoa whoa whoa we didn't deal with any of that stuff today you know what let's just throw it all against the board and see what happens what happens the dream board as it were and then you get to deal with whatever i guess comes from there so your brain hasn't dealt with whatever issues you had during the day you've internalized everything you've taken all your emotions and you've squished them squished them squished them squished them squished them squished them down into you and then at night they're like oh i gotta get out of here and then and then maybe you might you might have little nightmares which is sad right but understandable also you have a lot going on everybody's got a lot going on in their day in their minds not just like the normal stuff but maybe your schedule has been uh shifted around maybe things are a little bit different than they used to be and even just different can be enough to to to make you worried about things or uh to get you anxious or to get you angry and and you know if if you're too tired or whatever to or you're too busy to deal with uh that anxiety that that anxiousness that anger then you it all goes into that folder the night crew doesn't know what to do with it they just open it up and then boom bam boom whatever happens happens right i think that maybe a better way for the day crew to deal with this stuff is to label the folders right and so then the night crew's not coming into this blind the maybe we're gonna have uh you can even color code it right maybe blue for happy uh red for angry yellow for sad uh uh green maybe for worry i don't know purple you know like purple for silly makes sense right uh and then so then you can put all your your thoughts from the day into these folders and so then when they're done they're going to be in the folder the night crew comes along they can they can look at it and they can go okay you know what let's let's this looks like this uh angry folder sad folder is pretty thick tonight let's how about let's work through these other ones we're gonna leave this one here for the uh for the day crew or maybe we'll just take a little bit out of of that one and we can spread it in with the other stuff just to try to minimize the impact of the bad stuff because you know if the folders aren't labeled they don't have any idea what's in them and they're just gonna open it up and then wham bam you got a crazy dream man right which it it's bad because then if you have crazy dreams that keep you up at night then the next day you're tired right and that just means you're almost set up for more rough stuff to happen which is just going to keep filling up that bad folder which is just going to keep on making you anxious and making you worried and making you upset and without some sort of labeling system i'm telling you it's just going to become a spiral it's just going to keep happening it's going to come around going to keep coming around it's like a trolley car here it comes boom here it comes boom here it comes so we need to talk to the manager whoever is managing your brain i'm assuming it's you and we need to figure out uh a way to set up a good system for your uh daily activities your thoughts your feelings your emotions to be more properly labeled so that the night crew isn't coming in blind um and then from there i i can only see good things happening i can only imagine that uh things are gonna get better and better maybe not here's the thing too if we're going to transition to a whole new um system then there's going to be some bumps in the road there's gonna be some confusion there might even be some mislabeling which could lead to just oh who knows like let's let's say you have uh you're really really really really really really really angry about something and that ends up in the pink folder and they open up the pink folder expecting you know what i don't know bubble gum and rainbows and good times and then all of a sudden this angry thing in the oh it's just gonna that's gonna be we're gonna have to write up a report for that okay that's gonna have to be looked at we're gonna have to figure out where where where in the chain of command and here no one's gonna get into trouble because this is a brand new system and we're not the kind of company that's gonna you know point at people and say you did this but we are going to try to figure out how to make it better and how to not have that happen again okay so let's work on that i think it's become very important in my day trying to establish uh structures trying to establish uh a good foundation so like when i we've been putting up uh lists in the house so um when you wake up and there's like a nice piece of paper and it says um uh go potty brush your teeth make your bed right and then you know then go downstairs have some breakfast relax and then we'll start the day right and that even just like adding little things like that little constants are good for your brain because if your brain knows where it has to go it doesn't have to wake up and then think like what am i gonna do now it's like oh i'm just gonna go potty i'm gonna brush my teeth i'm gonna make my bed boom boom boom boom boom and then every day you get into a rhythm and the rhythm and the rhythm and it's gonna make you feel a little bit better i think that's my theory now there's variables right let's say you have uh lunch time on there and then you have go outside and play and it's raining well then we're gonna have to shift gears gotta be flexible too that's the thing when you have a system you don't want it to be a rigid system right a rigid system means it's not flexible you want to have it so that it can bend a little bit so it can so you can do other things too and and that allows you for the freedom to to move around a little bit right to be spontaneous it's spontaneous you know what that means it it means uh hey you're supposed to do this thing hey but do you want to do this thing and you're like yeah i'd love to do that thing you know if it was a rigid system you wouldn't be able to you'd be stuck doing the first thing but if we're a little bit flexible hey be spontaneous go do this other thing that's okay do you do what you want that's go have some fun loosen up live a little bit right within certain boundaries within certain you know structures it's all about structures um what i like about structures is kind of what i was saying it helps me to know what i'm supposed to do and then i can choose if i want to do it or not which is what i think you should do because you're awesome okay

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March 27, 2020
Bumperpodcast #370 – Valentine’s

Pig seems kind of sad about Valentine’s day. So, Natty tries to cheer him up, a bit!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this heartwarming Valentine's Day episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig is feeling down about being the only pig in the house without a valentine. Host Natty Bumpercar helps Pig understand what Valentine's Day is really about, leading to a hilarious debate over whether it's pronounced "valentine" or "valentime." The duo explores the meaning of the holiday, from its origins with St. Valentine to what it means to spread love to everyone around you. Their conversation takes comedic turns through discussions of tree valentines, Danish pastries, and ultimately lands on an important message about self-love. Natty and Pig share laughs while reminding listeners that the most important valentine is yourself.

Memorable Quotes

“Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. You wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. T-I-M-E?”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“It sounds like this is not a very exclusive club. Hey, look at that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? I guess you're my valentines now, huh?”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #valentine'sday #self-love #friendship #holidays #loneliness #comedy #pronunciation

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: I guess I'm kind of sad, is the thing, and I just don't know what to talk to about it. Hey, Pig, what's up? Hey, Bumps, what's going on?

Natty Bumpercar: I, you just sound really, really sad, and I, why? What's going on, man?

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, you know, it's Valentine's Day, and I just don't understand it, and I ain't got no valentine. Yeah. You know, I'm the only pig in the house, and so it's just always kind of a weird day for me, you know?

Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's, yeah, that makes sense, but here's the thing, Pig, is Valentine's Day is cool and everything, because it's a day where you can, like, show your love for other people and get little cards and get little candies and gifts. I love candy. I know you do. It's good. I do, too. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: But the thing is… You're going to say that I don't get nothing because… No, wait, what? No, I wasn't going to say that. Because nobody loves me? Pig. Is that what you was going to say? Pig. I'm a guy.

Natty Bumpercar: No, man, stop it. So, no, this is the thing. It doesn't… Valentine's Day is rough because it's, like, one day, and everybody focuses on it, and you're like, oh, I like this person on this day, but you like every… I like you every day. You're my valentine every single day.

Aloysious J. Pig: Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. No. Right? No. T-I-M-E?

Natty Bumpercar: It's not. And I was actually… It's weird because I was trying to say something nice to you, and you're derailing it with this, but valentime, I guess it makes sense because it's, like, time for valentines. Time, yeah. Valentines is what it is.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're on the same page here. No. It's valentimers. No, I said valentines.

Natty Bumpercar: An N, not an M, an N. Okay. Yeah, an N. I don't… Can we just… Okay, listen. Go ahead. So, here's the thing. Valentine's Day, according to my research, it was also called St. Valentine's Day, and it was based… Or the Feast of St. Valentine, so it's been around for many, many, many years, and I guess there was a dude named Valentine, and he got named after him. I don't know. It's one of those holidays. This isn't one of the ones, though. So, where they, like, Christmas, which is based on a solstice, or Easter, which is based on a solstice, this is… And a solstice is, like, some moon and sun stuff up there. This is just St. Valentine, dude. But it's basically… It's a day that's been built around just expressing your love for someone. Even me. Your friendship, your love, your gratitude, your… All these things. So, you can say, Happy Valentine's Day, right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. So, who do I say it to? Because I don't understand who I'm supposed to say it to. Well… Is it gonna be awkward or weird? No. Or something? Are people gonna make fun of me?

Natty Bumpercar: No, Pig. I think people appreciate when you say it to them. I think it's kind of like a nice thing. You can just be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day. I think you can just kind of wander around. Today's one of those days where you can just be like, Hey, you!

Aloysious J. Pig: Happy Valentine's Day.

Natty Bumpercar: And then, here's the fear, though, because once you've opened that door to conversation, you don't know what's gonna come through that door. So, you could be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day! And they could be like, Is it? Is it really? And then, you're like, Oh, no! Now, I'm in this conversation! Oh! But, you know what? That's fine. Let them get it off their chest. Don't let it stick to you, but, you know, just… Happy Valentine's… And then, you move on. Happy Valentine's Day! Is it? See you later! That's what you do. You run away from the situation. Which is a completely legitimate thing to do sometimes.

Aloysious J. Pig: So, wait. The other day, when you came in the room, and I was kind of quiet, and you was like, Sup, pig? And I said, Well, and then you turned and skadoot? Yeah. Is that what… Did you do that to me? Yeah. You didn't want to hear my props? Mate, I…

Natty Bumpercar: Yes, I was gonna say I was getting a phone call, but I was not getting a phone call. I just… I had a… Yes, I'm sorry. That's what I did to you, and I apologize. So, anyway. Back to who's gonna be your valentine. Pig, I could be your valentine. I would love to be your valentine.

Aloysious J. Pig: Would you like to be my valentine? Is that socially acceptable? Is this a norm? Can we… Is this okay for a pig and a gentleman such as you to be valentines?

Natty Bumpercar: Can we do that? Absolutely. Of course we can. I mean, that's the thing with Valentine's Day. Popcorn the dog, she's my valentine. My sweet, sweet kids, they're my valentines. All my bumper pod casketeers, you don't know it, but you're my valentines. Because it's just… It's anybody's… Everybody's my valentine. Anybody and everybody. We're all valentines around here.

Aloysious J. Pig: It sounds like this is not a very, um, exclusive club. Like, it's just… It's any… Hey, look at that, uh, that, that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, look at that ball by the curb. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? No. I guess you're my valentines now, huh?

Natty Bumpercar: So, no, that's not fair, because those are all inanimate objects.

Aloysious J. Pig: A leaf is clearly animate, sir. It's on a tree, which is a living being. And I believe that you are incorrect.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine. You're starting to sound a lot like Rufus T. Rufus. I think you're hanging out with a lawyer too much there, pig.

Aloysious J. Pig: Actually, I've been doing a lot of research on pig law because I think that there's a niche in the market that a lot of pigs are unrepresented. And, uh, so, just branching out as I do.

Natty Bumpercar: As you do. Well, so, okay, fine. So, no, a ball or a cheese doodle, I guess they could be your valentine if you want. But, uh, I'm not gonna stop you, clearly. The leaf. I mean, a tree would be a great valentine. It's there. You can come and visit it. You can give it a hug. You can tell it nice things. You can tell it secrets. And a tree is gonna hold on to all that. I would love to have a tree as a valentine. But I think, most importantly, so… What? Do you want to be my valentine?

Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, uh, so, huh. After you kind of said, like, everything in the whole planet is your valentine, it soured it a little bit for me. But I guess, sure. I don't want to, like, let you down, because I don't want to make you sad or nothing. But I got to ask, is it, like, contractually binding? Like, if I'm your valentine, can I then be somebody else's valentine or whatever?

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, yeah, of course. You can have many valentines. That's the cool thing. Because you're just spreading the love out. You're just sending it out to the world. Have a great… It's kind of like saying, have a great day. You're like, happy valentine. But in that second… That's how it works. It's a quick transference project. It's happy valentine. Boom, you're my valentine. And then if you turn, happy valentine. Boom, now you're my valentine. It's like this. It's moving around, right? But you leave a little bit of residual valentine with the people. So it's going everywhere. So…

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, this seems kind of strange.

Natty Bumpercar: Really?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, it does. I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, it's because it's like, all right, fine, cool. This is very noncommittal. Like, I didn't want it to get into, like, being, like, a contract. Like, you're my one and only valentine for the rest of forever. But also, this now feels completely opposite. Like, we went the other direction. Where it's just like, ah, for this half a second, sure, you're my valentine. Okay, now that dog over there, that's my valentine. It's like, you know, I need a little bit in the middle. Kind of in the middle there. If we could figure out a way to take your extreme, take that extreme, put them in the middle, and then I think we'll be set. Fine. That makes sense.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, okay, that makes sense. But, yes, fine. That makes sense. So, I don't know how we want to do that. Are there going to be rules? Like, will we have to, like, limit how many people we valentine? Or is there, like, a time limit where it's just like, you can't happy valentine people, you have to wait, like, 30 seconds or something like that? Or a minute? Or, I don't know, like, what kind of structure we're going to do to meet the middle, as you were saying.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I think that's going to be tough. Maybe we're not going to get it done this year. It seems like kind of a big project. But, I feel, you know, I just think, like, we can work on it. It's another, it's a, we can work on figuring some rules out. Let's just hammer some rules out. And then we memorialize them. We put them in a document. And then we have meetings. Probably some meetings. And maybe rent a room to have a meeting in. There's a lot of meetings

Natty Bumpercar: happening right now, right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Well, I do, I love having meetings because usually there's Danish meetings.

Natty Bumpercar: You know how I love a Danish. You do love a Danish. All right, but for now, fine. We'll figure out some sort of structures. Some sort of rules for Valentine's Day. And we can figure out if we have anything in the budget for meetings and Danish. And, but I think for now, for today, I want everybody listening and everybody not listening. Have a happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, you did the wide net there thing again.

Aloysious J. Pig: And you just did everybody listening. Everybody not listening. Hey, hey, ooh, hi. Everybody in the whole wide world. Like, it's just, let's target focus a little bit.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, so to everyone listening, I hope you have the most wonderful Valentine's Day ever. And I hope you feel loved and I hope you feel appreciated. And I hope you feel awesome because listen, every morning when you wake up, if you look around and if you feel sad and you're like, oh, Valentine's Day, this is a rough day. I don't have anybody that loves me. Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. All right, because you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You. You go to bed. You know who's there? You are. So try to be nice to yourself, especially today. It's great to have Valentine, to walk around and say Happy Valentine's Day to people and just to share that love or whatever. But you got to make sure that you give a little bit of that love back. So go to a mirror after you listen to this podcast if you can find one and look at it and just say Happy Valentine's Day and give yourself a big smile because you're the Valentine that's always going to be there for you that knows you're like the tree. You know all your secrets. You know all your wants, all your desires, all your hopes, all your fears. It's all there. And so you got to take care of yourself because otherwise, what do you got? What do you got? You're out there.

Aloysious J. Pig: You got a Danish, maybe?

Natty Bumpercar: No, there's no Danish. Oh, okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: I was hoping for a Danish. Well, you got very, you got very, I don't know what you just got, I don't know what you just got there, but you got very, very, very real, Bumpercar. We went from kind of a silly thing about a pig in Valentine's to, you know, and I agree with you. People aren't nice enough to themselves. And in this world, you know, you got to be nice to yourself because there's a lot of things out there that ain't going to feel good and that ain't going to be nice to you. So on this Valentine's Day, I like what you're doing, Bums. You took it back to another extreme. Instead of loving everybody, just make sure you love yourself, okay? And then when you do that, then other people are going to love you. It's just like a, it's like a thing. I don't know. I ain't got terms for this. I didn't go to no psychology school.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, it's tough. I, it's, it's, it's, yeah. I was trying to bring it back to the tree because we were talking about the tree earlier with the leaf and like, maybe like the seed, like the acorns or like the seeds or, you know, whatever. And, you know, I don't, but I had a hard time with that.

Aloysious J. Pig: It's like, happy Valentine's. Make like a tree and leaf. That wasn't nice. Hey, like, what's a tree that has acorns? Hey, happy Valentine's Day. You're nuts. Like, that's not nice either. No. Happy Valentine's Day. My, my, my bark is worse. That's for a dog. This is for a dog. My bark is worse than my bite. No, that don't work neither. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, I, uh, I can't think of one with oak. Oak, you sure you want to be my Valentine? I don't know. It just, it's very silly. I don't, I'm trying to, I don't know any other trees is what I just realized. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm pining for you. Happy Valentine's Day. Magnolia, be my Valentine's? That's not one either. Happy Valentine's Day. Dogwood trees have flowers. No. Happy Valentine's Day. Ash trees.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Have papery bark. No.

Natty Bumpercar: That's, I think I'll let you go on with that quite long. Enough. Um, happy Valentine's Day. Um. Oh, my love is like deep seeded roots for you. There's, that's one. I, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway. Listen, Bumper Podcast. Thank you so much for listening as always. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, pig is my current Valentine. But if I see you on the street, I'll certainly say happy Valentine's Day to you. And, uh, have a great day. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Love everyone. Please. We need more of that in the world. Please, please, please. And if you can, try to have some chocolate. Chocolate's good. Chocolate's good. If you can't have chocolate, I don't know, draw yourself a nice picture or have a nice water. Have a nice water. Happy Valentine's Day. Have some water.

Aloysious J. Pig: That's a terrible slogan.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. That's why I don't do the marketing. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Water? I, I think you were better off with the tree thing. Ah.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: All right.

Natty Bumpercar: We better leave, huh? Okay. We're back to that. All right. Uh, pig, I hope you feel better and thank you for being my Valentine's. I love you. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: I love you too, man.

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February 14, 2020
Bumperpodcast #368 – Spicy Socks

Popcorn the dog has been feasting on socks – which leads to a bit of a kerfuffle, and to a potential business opportunity!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 368 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a crisis when his dog Popcorn develops an insatiable appetite for socks. Aloysious J. Pig breaks the news that the puppy has destroyed every sock in the house, leading to a chaotic discussion about puppy behavior and responsibility. The situation escalates when a mysterious new lawyer named Frenchie appears on the scene, creating confusion and competition with the show's resident lawyer Rufus T. Rufus. With Producer possibly masquerading as the French attorney, the episode spirals into comedic chaos. Despite the sock-eating mayhem and legal shenanigans, Natty shares exciting news about new Bumperpodcast business cards and stickers for 2020.

Memorable Quotes

“The weirdest part was I went into her little dog house and found a stack of papers. She had actually written up a business plan for a kiosk in the mall called Spicy Socks.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Oh, hello. It's I'm Frenchie. It's a new lawyer in the neighborhood. And I am very good at the law, the American law.”
— Producer/Frenchie

“Don't let lawyers get involved with your dog's dreams. Don't let lawyers step all over your puppy's plans.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #dogs #puppies #lawyers #comedy #pets #businessplans #competition #chaos

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Frenchie (Producer), Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: good good good good good morning good afternoon good evening whatever time it is that you're listening to the bumper podcast we greatly appreciate you being here and why well because there's 18 bazillion other things that you could be doing with your time but you're choosing to spend it with me and i appreciate that because i miss you guys i miss you guys a lot every day that i don't record i end up missing you did you miss me too hi pig hey what's going on bumpsy so here's the thing uh uh your dog uh popcorn was uh down in the basement need a laundry room and i'd like for you just to take a guess at what she was doing down the uh the basement is where the laundry is where the laundry room where the laundry baskets where the laundry chute is it's also where things are folded please tell me that she did not get into the socks she got she got into the socks you told yeah well so here's the thing uh nobody has socks anymore we are now officially a sock free house i don't know what it is she i never seen they eat no paints i never seen they eat no shirts but uh socks she's all about them socks don't matter if it's uh pig socks if it's bumper car socks uh old socks new socks red socks blue socks you see what i'm doing there huh so all gone i mean the sock is mostly still there but the uh the foot part gone the toe part gone okay but it is tubes you have fabric tubes all right excuse me uh this is really annoying like guys have you ever had a puppy and uh when they eat stuff all the time i think i've mentioned it before when we first got popcorn uh she's a little beagle black lab kind of cute kind of smallish about 33 pounds uh um she people were like watch out she's gonna eat everything and i was like i've had a dog at irving brown socks he didn't eat anything he was wonderful oh no no no no no no it could not have been more off the mark this dog eats everything uh the sofa she ate that a sofa couch how does a dog do that remote controls two of them shoes one two three four pairs of shoes two pairs of flip-flops i mean the list is never ending the socks after socks after socks after socks it's it's just too much um hmm so how do i handle this oh now excuse me i do believe that we have a predicament here why some sort of liturgy liturgist liturgitude lawyer talk speak if you if you catch my drift if you understand what i'm saying okay so i do i hmm hey rufus i do understand what you're saying but i don't think we need a lawyer right now at this point for the dog who ate some socks that's exactly what someone who would say who in fact very much did require having the services of someone who is scholastically trained in such situations as sock eating hey bump akari didn't wait rufus you actually went to school for sock eating law i didn't even know that was a thing well hold on a second maybe we do need them bump I know he can be a bit much, but in this situation, maybe he's going to be able to guide us. Maybe they'll actually be worth something for once finally, right? I don't know. Well, no. I think the answer is no. She's a dog. She's a puppy. We have to be better about putting our things away and making sure she doesn't get into places where she can eat things. I know it's hard to believe, but she's just a puppy, and we're responsible for her. And so we have to help her to make better decisions and not be in situations where bad stuff can happen. Now, as I was flipping through my law books here, I did come across a precedent-setting case of SOC law in which… The perpetrator did actually have to re-encompensate the affiliated members of the action in which the perpetration was, in fact, perpetrated. So what I'm saying is, son, now what I'm saying is, the law has spoken. Safe bump? It's that easy? The law has spoken. The law has spoken. I mean, case closed? No. I don't know. No. So here's the thing. When people… We got the puppy, and people said, oh, she's going to eat things. She's going to eat things. And then she started eating things. I started doing some internet research, and it was one of those situations where it was just like, how to get your puppy to stop eating things it's not supposed to. And it said to actually add… There was like this, a powder, right? A little spray. And it was a spray, but it was kind of dry when it came out, like a powder. And it was like some sort of hot cayenne, like pepper. And I was like, ooh, is that going to hurt the puppy? And so I got it, and I tried it. And just on a couple of pairs of socks. And she ran over like a bolt of lightning and ate… Like almost the whole sock before I could get it away from her. And the look in her eye, she was just like, yes. Yes, I do like spicy socks. And the weirdest part of that was I went into her little dog house, into her little area, and I found a stack of papers. And she had actually written up a business plan for like a kiosk in the mall, like those little… If you're in a mall and have little restaurants or little things in the middle, like, oh, you can get a pretzel, you can get a drink, whatever. She made a business plan, and it was really well written for a place, a little restaurant called Spicy Socks. So I don't know if I should… I mean, if this is her passion, then maybe I should just let it happen. Maybe I'm the problem here. I don't know. Now, of course, you are the problem, Mr. Bumpercar, as you always tend to be. Now, as far as these documents that you discovered, who exactly was the person who put them together? Because I do not understand, according to my log, that I was ever approached for such things. Oh, yeah. Rufus, you ain't heard? There's a new lawyer dude in town setting up shop. I don't know what his name is. It's like… I forget what his name is. It's like Frenchie or… I don't know. Something like that. But he seems like really good, and his rates are really good. And maybe he took over? I don't know. There's just been a lot… I'm just saying there's a little competition up in your area right now. I should ask Popcorn about this.

Frenchie (Producer): Who's… What? Oh, hello. It's… I'm Frenchie. It's a new lawyer in the neighborhood. And I am very good at the law, the American law. I went through all the schools, and I did all of the things. And believe me, you are in good hands with Frenchie, me lawyer. And I will protect you. And I understood the stock law. And I can do all of the things that is… Oh, hello. This is absolute.

Natty Bumpercar: My name is Rufus T. Rufus. And I have a lot of letters after my name because I have so many degrees, and they had to make them into letters. And I am the lawyer, imperate, in trans…

Producer: In trans-fu-ma-si-o-ne. Yes, in trans-fu-ma-si-o-ne. Don't you try to help me now. Well, I'm just trying to help.

Natty Bumpercar: You ain't. You're hop-stepping on my lily pad here. I'm the lawyer. I am. I am the lawyer, sir.

Producer: Now, sir, there are plenty of rooms everywhere around here for lawyers. And I am another lawyer, and I will be the helping man to the peoples. All of these peoples everywhere.

Natty Bumpercar: Pig, do you notice anything about this lawyer? Yeah. He sounds a lot like producer does.

Producer: Actually, I don't think that he sounds… …anything like me, even a little bit at all, and I bet he doesn't even seem… I would agree totally with this frog man that I don't sound anything like him. He clearly has his own accent, I clearly have my own accent, and they're very far apart. I am a lawyer, he is a frog. And I am a frog, and he is a lawyer, so he's very different. I don't think that it's happening here.

Natty Bumpercar: You know, Bumpercar, I didn't want to get back into the fray, as it were, but I do feel like I hear similarities in the voice of patterns, if you will. Maybe something I can look into as a copyright infringement. I'm going to shut this new lawyer down. Too sweet. Oh, man. All right, so what do we talk about today? There's a dog eating socks, going to open up a stand called Spicy Socks, there's a new lawyer called Frenchie, this show is off the rails. Yeah, I agree. But, here's a cool thing. We're going to figure all this lawyer-y stuff out in the back room, but neat things are happening in 2020. It's 2020, y'all. 2020. And I, we got business cards made with the podcast, and they're really cool. I'll probably post those when I post this episode. We also were getting stickers made of the podcast, and my goal for those is, is if people will listen to the show, and will subscribe to it, and will write a little review, then, you know, like give it a little rating, then that's awesome. That helps us out so much. Because as much as we… We all love getting down here and making this for you, we want other people to hear it, too. And so that's the ultimate goal. So I will let people know how they can get these stickers as soon as I kind of figure it all out and put it onto the internet webs. But anyway, I want you to know, Popcorn's a good dog. She's just a hungry dog. And sometimes puppies are going to make business plans about eating. So… That's just something that's going to happen. But what I would say is, don't let lawyers get involved with your dog's dreams. Don't let lawyers step all over your puppy's plans. She's… My puppy is smart. She knows what she's doing. She goes down to the local library. She does her research. And I'm… I'm here for her. Whatever she needs, I'm here for. Bumps, have you tried the spicy sauce? They are, uh, not so good. Yeah, I actually did try these things and was in the hospital for several days. I do not want to be involved with this business unless it's people suing, litigating against it. This place is going to fold like a deck of cards.

Producer: Haha, you have fallen into my trap. And that is, officially you have said bad things about my client's business. That you should not have said on the podcast. I will be suing you, Rufus T. Rufus. Get your papers ready because I'll be coming for you and taking you downtown.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, now I'm officially confused. Was that the Frenchie lawyer or was that producer? I honestly can't tell anymore. It's officially the mystery of the week.

Unknown: Okay, well, I don't like that. You're still young and you can still lose to the送 XX. Fine, I'll give you another chance. This can't be working. When has Mia been straightforwarded on? Now I have asked Maria over time. To confirm, you now personally have made a request for your son, but you still do not yet. Have you received a copy of the contract? What do we do? Yes, Music Video Coding program. We are the same agency as Rufus. And we love agenda cool. Where'sinas? This is Chris. This is Alex.

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January 24, 2020