Tag: friendship

Bumperpodcast #292 – Stye in my eye

Bumpercar has a stye on his eye – and a lot of his pals stop by to help. It’s a real humdinger of an episode!

Have you ever had a stye? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

Natty Bumpercar is suffering from a painful eye stye and seeks help from his puppet friends in this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast. Aloysious J. Pig offers unhelpful pig-related stye advice, while Robot suggests remedies he should have already known about. Producer attempts to cheer Bumpercar up with his singing voice, though Pig quickly shuts down his backstory. Through the pain and frustration, Bumpercar shares his misadventures with magical microwave eye pillows, including one that arrived pre-broken and gooey. The episode culminates with a surprise visit from a pirate character offering seafaring wisdom about eye patches and ship microwaves.

Memorable Quotes

“I think if you've got a stye in your eye, then I'm probably a first person, or animal, that you should have come to. Because I've got a lot of experience with styes. For instance, I was born in a stye.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“Can you please look through all your databases, and all your whatever wikis, or whatever encyclopedia, whatever you've got, and tell me if there's a way to make my eye feel better, to make my stye feel better, to make this guy feel better. That's a good rhyme.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Maybe I could produce some sort of salve. Or perhaps some sort of bomb. Or something. Or some sort of tincture to make your eye feel better today.”

— Producer

Topics: #health #eyestye #medicalremedies #misadventures #friendship #comedy #pirates

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Robot, Producer

Full Transcript

Unknown: Oh, I'm injured, I have a boo-boo, I'm not happy.

Aloysious J. Pig: Hey, what in the world? Hey, Bumpercar, hey, it's me, Aloysius J. Pig. Hey, Bumpercar, what's going on? Why do you feel like, what's going on? You got a boo-boo, huh?

Natty Bumpercar: What happened to you, anyway, huh? It's my eye, it's my eye, I've got a stye in my eye. You've got a stye? It hurts, and it gives me a headache, and it itches, and I'm not supposed to touch it, and all I can do is put a little warm pillow on it, and it doesn't do any good. What, what? I just don't feel good.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, first off, Bumpercar, I think if you've got a stye in your eye, then I'm probably a first person, or animal, that you should have come to. Because I've got a lot of experience with styes. For instance, I was born in a stye. I actually sleep in a stye. I eat a lot of food in a stye. Pig, it's not that kind of stye, would you just stop it?

Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's because it hurts, and you're not helping, and you're making me feel worse. I don't want to feel worse, I want to feel better.

Robot: Hey, it's me, Robot. I haven't been on the Bumpercar. I've casted a whole long time. There's a reason for that. Maybe I can help you.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, fine, fine, fine. Hi, Robot. Thanks for coming by. I'm glad you're here. Can you please look through all your databases, and all your whatever wikis, or whatever encyclopedia, whatever you've got, and tell me if there's a way to make my eye feel better, to make my stye feel better, to make this guy feel better. That's a good rhyme.

Aloysious J. Pig: Please. That's a really good rhyme, bro. I know you don't feel good, but that was pretty, that was tight. That was really, that was on point. I like it.

Robot: He was talking to me, Pig. So, let's see. Have you tried using a little warm pillow? Are you serious? A lot of people use little warm pillows to make their stye.

Natty Bumpercar: I said I, that's the first thing that I did. That's the only thing I did. Okay. And it didn't help. I didn't know that.

Robot: Well, I- Well, I wasn't in the room. I wasn't here yet. I did say- So, how could I have possibly-

Aloysious J. Pig: Because you have a robot. You've got robot ears. I understand. You're not helping. No, you should be listening. You should be helping. Right. Or something. You know what? Listen. If you're not going to help- Okay.

Robot: This is good out. I'll be going now. Yes. I'm going. Okay. This has been Robots. Hasta mañana. Wait, the robot speaks Spanish now? Yeah, I guess. I didn't know.

Aloysious J. Pig: That's a new thing to me, too. So, he picked up another language, but he can't pick up listening when the conversation is over. When the conversation is happening on the podcast that he's going to interrupt?

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I don't understand this, though, man.

Aloysious J. Pig: He was outside the room. What the heck?

Natty Bumpercar: That made no sense to me. Okay. But I don't like defending robot, clearly, but he was outside the room, and I do feel bad that he was kind of thrust into this- I mean, he thrust himself into this situation and was immediately expected to perform, and he's not exactly what I would call a performer,

Producer: so- Well, speaking of performers, hi, robot. Hi. It's me, Producer. Hi, Producer. What's going on? I'm here to help you produce your show, because it's a bumper podcast. You have to do my show, too. And I haven't been around. He doesn't very long. Producer, I don't want to do my show right now. He's still got your pipes. Yeah, he's got his pipes. I don't feel good. I wasn't aware. Yeah, I've got a sty, so I'm injured. Maybe I could produce some sort of- What? Saf. Huh? Or perhaps some sort of bomb. A bomb? Or something. A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? A bomb? Or some sort of tincture to make your eye feel better today.

Natty Bumpercar: I'm not going to lie, Producer. Just having you in the room with your singing voices made me feel a teeny tiny bit better. How do you sing better? Oh, no. Better. You shouldn't do that. Better. Oh, no. How do you sing so well? You're like a little ray of sunshine coming out. Oh, no. You're a little ray of sunshine in here.

Producer: Well, I took a lot of training in school and I went to all these different singing camps that I know.

Aloysious J. Pig: I tell ya, nobody really cares. Nobody wants to hear about it.

Producer: Okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah.

Producer: All right. Yeah, so just go on. That's fine with me, I suppose. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'm going to go now. All right, so you have- I'll see you soon. Okay. So here's the thing. You're a producer, so that means you're supposed to produce. Ain't really mean you're supposed to be on air talent. Ain't really mean- You know, you guys- I mean, here's the thing. You might have a story to tell. to tell i'm sure you do you're a great dude right however we gotta have people behind the boards people behind you know the switches and the knobs doing the things and making the magic happen here's the thing i'm a magician you're like my owl okay you're my uh i don't know he's funny rabbit no i know you're a frog you're a frog all right okay back to bumper car okay i'm going now

Natty Bumpercar: all right thanks for stopping by producer wow we're really getting a lot of fun visitors here today on i mean when i started the show i was basically in tears uh splitting headache so here's the thing a stye i've never had styes in my entire life that i know of no documented styes uh and then last month out of nowhere out of the blue in my right eye there was this bump on the eyelid and it hurt and it scratched and i was like what what so i went to the pharmacist and i pointed at it and i was like what is this fix it and they were just like whoa you got a stye and i was like oh no i've got a stye it's the end of the world they were like relax it's a stye people get styes and i was like i don't want to die they were like well we've got this cool little pillow that you put into the microwave and so it's it's like these little uh beads that get either really hot or really cold and if you put them in the microwave it's in like a little plastic pouch and then that goes into this little um little sweater little pillow sweater like a pillowcase but i'm calling it a sweater for some reason and uh you can only it says you have to do it in 10 second intervals 10 second the microwave doesn't do a lot but once you you know get up but then you have to watch it right because it expands so i used it the first day and it was great and it made my i feel better but i kind of burnt my eyelid which is not a pleasant thing to do they even told me be careful your eyelid is one of the most sensitive areas on your whole body and i was just like sure sure there's a sty it's gotta go burnt eyelid ow so then i had to deal with that fine uh oh and you know this is when i was doing commercials uh a couple months ago or last month whatever and it was like i had a big audition thing and and of course four days before the audition sty so then i had sty eye going into the audition dun dun dun is that why i didn't get it sure we'll blame it on that not my lack of talent uh and uh then on the second day with the little pillow i was so desperate for to to heal to fix that i i put it in for 10 and then another 10 and i would i take it out after each time and i feel this little pillow and i can shake it to feel the little beads moving around and if it's not warm then i still stick it back in uh 10 9 8 7 the little pillow broke this is a 12 item this is not something that i'm just gonna go out and buy all willy nil all the time and so then i didn't have it i was done and and luckily that time the sty just went away i think i whatever i did to it i scared it away and it was fine flash forward this week woke up the other eye another sty so now i'm asking people now that i've had this is this something is this my life it's not this isn't this isn't what i signed up for that's for sure so i went back to the place and they'd moved all the little pillows so i had to get them i was like where's the pillow i need a pillow for my eye i have a sty but she took me to the sty eye pillow aisle and uh it's not an aisle it's just one place there's only one left i got it home went to put in the microwave it's a pillow i have a sty i have a sty i have a sty i have a sty i have a sty it's all gooey it's all gooey why is this all gooey somebody had bought it popped it sent it back and then i bought it no sir no way so then on the way to work i had to go to a different one because it was more on the way to work and i was i was kind of preoccupied by it and uh driving a little bit quicker than i should have pulled over pulled over by the police here's what and here's how slow i was going though uh i was going like 35 or 25 which is too fast fine but i was going slow enough that the police officer who was standing like he was like leaning on his car he pointed at me and then he pointed in front of his car and i was able i was going slow enough that i was just like oh okay okay this is happening so it was a good morning is what i'm saying it was a good way it was on a monday morning it was the perfect way to start the week to start the day uh but it was it worked out fine don't let's not worry about me everything worked out fine so then i went to the other place i got the pillow and i've been using it ever since i've been using it a few days now uh stye still there stye getting worse uh stye uncomfortable but luckily we have the bumper podcast we have all my helpful friends here

Aloysious J. Pig: i'm here too oh my friend i didn't even know you were still here well you because you were yammering you start yammering sometimes at the show and i just like let you go i'm like just keep rolling bro keep rolling you ain't figuring out your stye but this you know who's gonna figure it out hold on a second

Unknown: oh hello there bumper car it's me i'm the parrot and we get styes quite constantly styes along with rickets and along with shingles and along with all kinds of sea legs as you understand so here's what we do on the boat is we take a patch and we draw a skull and crossbones on it and we put the patch over the eye of course we warm it up in our shippy microwave and it heals the eye perfecto mundo well you speak spanish too all right well then i'm gonna go

Natty Bumpercar: get a patch and it's gonna make me better

Unknown: hopefully i think we have time so let me show you thank you any unless you want to get ready and really uh but it's not like i'm so self-evident is gonna link you not this video really um like teach you all stuff and you i mean mean anything to me you're all going to figure this stuff out if you want fuck no it is wellomme man oh mandy dog

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March 30, 2017
Bumperpodcast #287 – Friends

Natty talks through a series of strings and tangents about best friends, social structures, talking to people, being nice, trying, and riding a bike on this weeks Bumperpodcast.

Do you like strings? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In Bumperpodcast episode 287, Natty Bumpercar explores the complexities of friendship and communication in this heartfelt solo episode. Natty reflects on the meaning of best friendship with listeners, shares observations about his kid navigating the social dynamics of 'best friend' labels at school, and discusses the importance of treating everyone equally regardless of their position. The episode touches on workplace communication, the value of bringing diverse perspectives together, and the challenges of modern social interactions. Natty wraps up with a sweet story about teaching his son Ollie to ride a bicycle, emphasizing the importance of moving forward both literally and metaphorically.

Memorable Quotes

“More friends is better more friends is more gooder that's what i always say”

— Natty Bumpercar

“If you're looking at a house and you can't get in and you're staring at the front all the windows are locked, you might not realize that the back door is open and you can just walk right in and that's where the party is”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I want the whole world to pedal forward pedal forward”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #friendship #parenting #communication #schoolsocialdynamics #workplaceculture #childhooddevelopment #bicycles

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast it's me natty but it's your best friend i don't even have to say my name you know it is you're my i mean you're my best friend so you're i'm your best you know what we are best friends together and that's and hooray for that hooray for having best friends uh i can rely on you i can count on you you're gonna pick me up when i'm down vice versa if i got a couch that needs to be moved then you're you're gonna you probably come help me move it you know and and i'm gonna what what's that you need help building that fence i'm coming over to help you build that fence let's barbecue together let's you know what sure we'll go to brunch of course i love brunch just not i mean because it's not too early here's the problem with brunch though is the kids are already gonna have been up for like six hours at that point so it's really lunch for us i mean it's breakfast i know but we're not rolling out of bed at 10 and meeting you at the restaurant we've we've already been out of bed for a long time but you know what that's fine we're still best friends me and you uh i love having best friend uh it's fun it's good fun my uh my kid is going through this thing at school where it's uh everyone's labeling each other as best friends oh hey that guy's your best friend i don't want to be and then they get sad because if one person is one person's best friend then obviously they can't be best friends with the other person and so it becomes this like uh um not animal farm but that book uh lord of the flies it's not really like that but it where it's just like you know oh you're best friends with that dude and he's like i thought we were best friends and he's like no i'm now best friends with that dude and so there's a lot of weird social things that are going on and i'm like oh my god i'm not at school which is great because you know as if we don't have enough going on in life now we're dealing with weird social stigmas and social norms and social structures ah and uh the other thing too is it's a fun moving target so you know like on one day you're this person's best friend by the end of the day you might have switched best friends two or three times so and i don't know literally they're standing in line and they're just like blink funny and they're like now i'm her best friend or what um i don't know but i know it causes stress because he's like i thought you know that we were best friends and now i'm best friends with and it's just like bro relax it's okay and we're gonna try to tell him like listen if uh somebody's you know not not just the best stuff but if somebody's not being nice to you one day there's a lot of other people in your class that you like that you're friends with go play with those other people it's fun it's good if you know like spread yourself out hit a lot of bases make sure you're friends with as many people as you can be friends with because more friends is better more friends is more gooder that's what i always say uh but even with that being said we're good right you and me bumper podcast we're still besties right bffs best friends for life forever forever right i had somebody once uh i forget what it was it was a situation i didn't want to be in and uh it was uh i was introduced to some people who i really had not much interest in meeting and uh one of them kind of cornered me and he goes we've been waiting to meet you for a long time now that we got you you ain't never getting away from us again like that and in my head it was like all sorts of warning lights and sirens going off and i was just like oh my friend you'll never be seeing me again and they didn't they didn't ever see me again uh if i'm to be honest um yeah it's weird like people don't people have a hard time talking to people and dealing with people have you noticed that in this world like uh for me i love communication i'm all about communication i'm all about communication i'm all about communication about it let's hey the open lines of communication uh but so the difficult thing with that is you're you're worrying about people's self-esteem people's egos and so you have to consider what you're saying which is fine because you want to be considerate right you were in a society and so you want to be considerate of other other people's emotions and how they feel about things and how things are going to affect them the things you're going to say right so it makes sense that you have to uh not censor the stuff that you're saying a little bit here and there but that you at least have to think about oh my gosh what i have to think about the things i'm saying yes come on come on that's obvious think about what you're going to say to people and then go up to them and have a conversation and treat them pull them you know let's let's all be on the same level and let's all have a conversation i have a hard time with uh institutionalized structures so what that means is like i always had a hard time in school where there was uh you know there's people who were over you there's there's a principal there's a teacher and they're in positions of power even nowadays i have sometimes problem with position people in positions of power uh because it's always been my thinking that hey let's if we have an issue let's lay it on the table and let's hash it out let's figure it out let's get to the bottom of it let's work together let's use you know constructive criticism i'm all about it and let's uh let's figure out what's going on let's work together i love working together that's at work that's what i do i like to facilitate people working together at my job like i try to pull people in from different departments people who don't talk as much all the time and because if you get different people from uh different backgrounds and with different viewpoints then that's going to broaden the information pool and you're going to lead that's going to lead you to potentially better solutions because if you're only looking at a problem in one way then you might not crack it you might not see if you're looking at a house and you can't get in and you're staring at it you're looking at the front all the windows are locked the door is locked you don't have a key you might not realize that the back door you know is open and you can just walk right in and that's where the party is um and so i try to do that in as many aspects of my life as i can i like and i always i get in trouble because i'm like let's just talk to me like a human and that's that's not a nice thing to say either and i understand that um but it's true like you know you came from a different background that i came from but we should and i you know you do this with people i try to talk to kids this way i try to talk to anyone that i'm dealing with at a store or at a gas station like anyone you're talking to i try to talk to my boss this way which gets me in trouble sometimes i um ah here's a sorry about that here's a crazy uh boss story this happened to me the other day i wasn't even thinking i was on a uh i was on a conference call and uh so there was something was being mentioned and there was somebody who wasn't on the call and i uh went and i called that person and i was just like hey just so you know they're talking about your thing and uh he just mentioned this so there was nothing nothing bad i mean i didn't say anything bad i wasn't like man this this guy whoa what did he what is he thinking he said oh this guy but as it turned out the uh the conference call had not muted me uh and there was no way to mute myself and so then i found out that they in fact had heard my conversation and i i mean pit in my stomach ice in my veins because i was going through and parsing every word that i had said just to make sure that there wasn't any any way that anything that i had said could be misconstrued whatever i was just like oh bad and then i was just like did i say anything how did i say anything weird and i couldn't remember but i eventually uh after deep hypnosis and therapy i figured out that i didn't really say anything oh thank goodness for that and but the point of that is is uh just don't say things bad about people and you'll be okay and i don't always follow that i try to follow that but it's a hard thing to follow sometimes try to be as nice to everybody as you can because you know and i uh i like to say we're all in this together but i don't know current times i i feel like maybe we're not all in this together but i feel a lot of people are in this together uh looking for progress looking for you know hopeful change uh for the better uh not change for the individual's sake but change for everyone's sake and i that's how i feel like it should be now that i have kids i want the whole world to be a good place i want the whole world to be a happy place and sometimes i feel like uh people chasing that almighty dollar might not be making have their focus on making the world a better place um but i don't know man i just don't know you know it's a crazy world out there so tell me about yourself i've been babbling for a long time here uh friend oh what are you doing you're going you're going you're going to enjoy it the nice weather this weekend you're going to go out and play we've been going to the park ah ollie rode a bicycle for the first time last week at the park uh we had we got him a bike for his birthday and put some air in the tires and was on a scooter ollie was on the bike just pedaling and getting furious because it's hard to explain to a kid pedal forward pedal forward that means you're going forward if you push back that means you put the brakes on what are brakes brakes i don't want to stop okay exactly so pedal forward pedal forward and that's what i want the world to do too i want it to pedal forward pedal forward

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February 23, 2017
Bumperpodcast #285 – Viral

There is a sickness in the land. A sickness that leads to tangents and rambling! I hope you don’t catch it!

Do you get sick?

Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this solo episode, Natty Bumpercar shares his misadventures with viral laryngitis while recording from Bumperpodcast headquarters. With a severely sore throat and raspy voice, Natty rambles through stories about his doctor's visit, taking his kids' homeopathic medicine (complete with melatonin-induced dreams featuring Taylor Swift), and surviving on a diet of apple juice and yogurt. He recounts a recent dinner with a friend at an overwhelming barbecue restaurant and laments having to cancel his Super Bowl party plans. Despite feeling under the weather and admittedly not firing on all cylinders, Natty delivers his characteristic stream-of-consciousness comedy while apologizing for the absence of his usual puppet co-stars like Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Coleman Sparkles.

Memorable Quotes

“I sound a little bit rough. It's like if I was just like hey man we're gonna go rob that bank over there, yeah you want to go rob that bank with us? That's how I talk now.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“The nurse was like oh I'm so sad that you can't talk because you always say the strangest things, you always make me laugh. And I was in my head just like I say strange things?”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Here's fifteen dollars go to the arcade, go to the penny arcade, go get some penny candy. Go out of the town where are you kids?”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #illness #doctorvisit #friendship #food #superbowl #dreams #rambling

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so as it happens sometimes uh around here at headquarters i've gotten sick again and this is fine i actually i feel pretty okay if i'm gonna be honest it's my uh my throat hurts really bad uh it's swollen um i tried taking some i had tea with lemon i had uh tea with lemon and honey just lemon and honey um and then i went to i went to the doctor yesterday and uh they said that i have something called viral laryngitis which is like what what's that and actually yesterday i said all right right now i sound a little bit uh rough it's like if i was just like hey man we're gonna go rob that bank over there yeah you want to go rob that bank with us because we're gonna go rob it all right that's how i talk now but that i but it actually does it hurts to talk um which is fun i actually had uh a meeting oh yes i went to the doctor and uh hold on and when i when you go to the doctor for the sore throat um you know what's gonna happen is they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna swab they're gonna swab the deck and and the doctor the first the nurse came in and she was just like uh she's very nice and she was she was like oh i'm so sad that you can't talk because you always say the strangest things you always make me laugh and i was in my head i was just like i say strange things and then i was like oh i make her laugh that makes me happy that's all i want to do in the world is make her laugh um oh boy this hurts uh so then uh she weighed me and here's an i think i've complained about this before although the voice is back a little bit okay uh they um this is higher now that's weird uh she went to weigh me and she got me on the scale and it used to be at the doctor's office you would have like uh your underwear like your boxers and your t-shirt or something on right uh but i had like two shirts on my pants and my pants my pockets are full of have i carry rocks around i don't know why uh no but so you know she weighs me and she was like oh you must have had a good lunch and i was thinking i was like i didn't even have lunch it hurts to it hurts to swallow it hurts to breathe that hurts to swallow i can't put food in there um uh but you know if you take off the weight of the clothes when did the weight of the clothes become part of your weight is my complaint there i guess uh so i um but then i i had i had had dinner with a friend the night before i am rambling today man i'm gonna blame it on i started taking the uh i didn't have any cold medicine or anything that seemed appropriate for uh for a sore throat i'm gonna blame it on i didn't have any cold medicine for this whatever it is um laryngitis c thing um so the kids have this uh it's called zarby's maybe i think it's called zarby's zarby's and it's all like homeopathic stuff and it's like uh there's well there's honey which isn't really homeopathic i guess but i wanted honey on my throat and then there's also uh the stuff melatonin makes you sleep and then there's i guess there's other stuff too it makes you feel better so i took some a couple nights ago i had this crazy dream and it was all these people that i know were in it and uh taylor swift was in it and we all lived in this weird little town and uh i don't remember any of the dream but it was it was it was just like it was like a sitcom like it was like you'd pop into a set and be like hey and then there'd be like funny wacky jokes or whatever and then uh i don't remember it was a weird dream but then last night i took it again and uh and then at night they said it got a little bit better and i was like oh my god i'm gonna get to stay hydrated so i drink water and last night i drank uh i had some uh apples apple juice with water in it and um and uh the uh and i think that made it feel better so i'm taking this kid's medicine and i'm drinking apple juice from now on to make me feel better uh i can't really eat because it hurts so i'm drinking smoothies and eating yogurt which is great because this weekend is a super good weekend and i'm going to be drinking apple juice and i'm going to be drinking and my little my little birds are in it and fingers are crossed and i'm gonna in theory if i feel better please make me feel better uh we were gonna have a super bowl party we're gonna have people over but i just can't do it anymore i can't i don't have i don't have it in me uh so we're just gonna have us as a super bowl party which all right you know that makes sense uh because we're gonna get all this food that just the wife and i are gonna eat and the kids are gonna be like that's disgusting and i'm gonna be like oh why are you here go go out here's here's fifteen dollars go go have fun go out of the town where are you kids go go to the go to the arcade go to the penny arcade go get go get some penny candy fifteen dollars uh so i'm it's fine that i'm on this kind of um diet of uh of uh of what is this stuff i'm i'm using diet of uh man yogurt liquids i am and i gotta go to work today people i left work early yesterday and i gotta go in today and i am i am not operating in all i'm not operating in all cylinders i'm not functioning in all set no firing i'm not firing on all cylinders right now um and the doctor she was she was like do you i don't even know that's not even we're talking about this and she swabbed me there all that tangent was just because i was talking about swabbing and i want to talk about the nurse turns out so i don't have strep throat which i knew because with strep throat you can look into a mirror and if you can open your mouth you can look in the back and you'll see like white spots and uh like rabbititis it's like oh i got rabbititis uh but she's like but we're gonna we're gonna send this off the culture we're gonna send this culture off to have it and i was like all right i don't i don't care i don't know but then there's she's like here's so what here's what you do drink a lot of fluid don't uh exert yourself don't exercise and uh and i was just like i like exercise and uh and good luck basically that was it now i was just like this is this was a waste of 30 all right i could have i could have stayed home and slept for the two hours this doctor's appointment took and would have probably made me feel a little bit better um yeah so that's where i'm at right now i did i got to have dinner with a friend of mine earlier this week who who had moved from new york to minneapolis minnesota and uh he's he's great and i miss him i it's weird thing when you get older you don't have as many friends you know and you're like oh telephone you can stay in touch on facebook that's garbage you know you need to be able to sit across the table from somebody and really to be able to really complain uh it's it's it's essential to be it do it in person uh otherwise you know when they hang up the phone they're just like oh that guy so this is like physically you have to be like oh that guy it was so fun though he went to a barbecue place in the city and uh and uh and uh you had to go in you get it it's called you get a meal ticket and there's all these rules gotta get a meal ticket can't come in without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket your meal ticket meal ticket meal ticket he's like oh my goodness so uh you get in line and there's just so much food and it's overwhelming and the guy behind the counter he was great he was a great salesman he was just like all right here's what you guys want you guys both want this you look like hungry gentlemen you know what you're gonna want you're gonna want this special it comes with two meats it goes with two sides you're also gonna get cornbread with that and i was like that's too much food he was like no man it's not that much food trust me it's gonna be perfect for you so you're gonna and i got turkey turkey at a barbecue place but i gotta tell you man it's delicious i can't eat i can't eat the leftovers because it hurts too bad but man that day it was it was delicious this was a few days ago uh i got turkey and i got uh i got i got uh uh corn casserole who knew it's the best thing ever it was so good choupette white choupette corn green bean casserole too i feel like this is the conversation you're gonna have with me bumper podcast when i put away in an old in an old folks home and you show up on you know the one the day before christmas where you've come into town you're not gonna waste your christmas on me but you're gonna come and visit me because it is the holiday season this is what i feel like this conversation is although i haven't mentioned soup so i'm not gonna waste your christmas on me but uh maybe it's not we're not entirely there but uh if you are still listening to the bumper podcast i appreciate you i love you to to pieces i love doing the bumper podcast my voice actually feels better now than it did before so i appreciate you for that i do feel like i'm gonna pass out uh that's not your fault all right i gotta tell you uh uh and i apologize for the rambling i apologize pig is he's got something he's out he's out he's out like a light he's asleep right now uh rufus t rufus is actually in the south he said he is too cold for him here uh coleman sparkles is in the mine of course because it's his day to to go down to the mine uh pirate i don't know if the pirate has a name i just called the pirate uh anyway you guys are top-notch i am so glad i don't have any shows that was a worrisome thing for me because i can't do shows right now i'm talking now but i gotta be funny clearly i can't be funny

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February 3, 2017
Bumperpodcast #281 – History

Bumpercar and Pig talk about how the past can define you, if you let it. They also wish everyone a Happy New Year – and bring some songs and cheer!

Did you like porridge? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In episode 281 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar starts the new year exhausted from the busy December holiday season. Aloysious J. Pig calls him out for complaining and shares his own philosophy about managing how others perceive you. The conversation takes an unexpected turn as Pig reveals his struggles with being labeled as messy at his favorite slop restaurant, leading to an insightful discussion about reputation, identity, and how past behaviors define us. The episode features a hilarious revelation about someone from their past named Porridge Pete who now runs the very slop restaurant Pig frequents. Natty and Pig decide to hit the mall together, with plans to revisit Natty's old "green pants" identity and grab some food at Pete's restaurant.

Memorable Quotes

“You're not stuck to that narrative. You control your own narrative, right? So what you do is you got to go back in, you got to flip the script.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“I wore green pants four times in my life, and you happen to be there for it, and so now I'm bumper green pants to you. Completely ignore the last 20 years of my life.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Porridge Pete actually held on to what he was doing when he was growing up, whereas you, bumper green pants, ain't never wear no green pants no more because you don't want to be known about the green pants.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #identity #friendship #reputation #newyear #restaurants #nostalgia #self-improvement #socialperception

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: oh bumper podcast i am so tired i tell you what i am limping into this new year this year i am spent i am done with i am over it's so december is such a busy month i know it's a fun month you got a lot going on you got a lot you're doing a lot of stuff for people you're helping out you're doing this you're doing that you're over here you're over there you're moving you're shaking you're going to parties you're shaking hands you're kissing babies you're doing whatever you got to do but man it is unstoppable unflappable unrelenting is what it is uh but we made it i think you know it's a few days i guess to go maybe a day or two

Aloysious J. Pig: but i'm i'm happy to uh hey hey bubs what's going on big hey buddy what are you doing i'm just hanging out what are you just complaining again a little bit a little going on with you i ain't nothing what are you always so upset about you always so Oh, I'm so tired. Oh, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I'm so popular. I got to go all the parties. Oh, I got to go shake hands and kiss babies. Come on, bro. Just be happy that, you know, people want you to come hang out and want to see you and stuff. That's a good thing.

Natty Bumpercar: It's a good thing to be like you, bumper car. It's a good thing to do all the things that you, you know. I don't know the words to the song. I just made it up. Yeah, you just made it up. Okay, that's fine. I agree with you, pig. I am happy. I'm so happy. I have a great life. I'm thrilled. But I do, I get sleepy, sleepy tired. And here's what happens. I get super excited about this, that, and this, and that, and those, and this, and this, and that. And then I spread myself too thin, and then I get wah, wah, wah. And that's, you know, that's a good problem to have, that I'm so busy that I'm getting worn out. So if it sounds like I'm complaining. Which I'm sure it did sound like I was complaining because I was kind of. You were definitely complaining a little bit. Yes. That's what you do. I was kind of complaining. That's fine. Then I'm sorry. No. I apologize. That's a thank you. I shouldn't be complaining. I'm living the dream. I'm living the life. The dream, buddy. And I'm happy as a clam. I hope you're good. I'm so good. You never tell me about yourself, guys. You don't ask. And girls, and people, and whatnot. How are you doing? For a second, I thought. You're not answering. Oh, I thought you were talking to me, but then I realized, oh, you're talking to the bumper cop, papa. Buccateers. Yeah, that thing. Yeah. But it's fun. You can ask me how I'm doing, too. Pig, how are you? Oh, thank you. Yeah, of course.

Aloysious J. Pig: I actually am doing, you know.

Natty Bumpercar: You just kind of trailed off like you don't know what I'm doing. No, it's because I get self-conscious. Here's my thing. You like to complain a lot. That's like your thing. What I like to do is I like to keep things close to the vest. I like to keep the cards to the table. I like to keep everything that's going on internally, internal, if you know what I'm saying. And why is that? Because I get nervous. You know, I don't want people to, I had this problem with my friends, right, where I used to complain a lot, and then they just, they would take me there. They'd be like, oh, here comes the pig. He's going to complain. And then they put me over on that shelf, and I never got out of it, which is kind of sad because I want my friends to be like, oh, no, here comes the pig. Watch out, guys. It sounds like a party's about to start. It sounds like a party's about to start up in here. It sounds like a party's about to start up in here. Party up in here. We're pig. Party up in here. Well, but I think once you muddy those waters, it gets, people are like, oh, that's a dude who complains a lot, you know? And even if it ain't your fault, even if you're going through stuff and you're like, oh, you guys are my friends. I'm going to talk to you about this stuff. Then sometimes, sometimes that's just what happens. You end up dumping a lot of negative stuff on your friends, and then they're like, oh, well, here comes Mr. Negative Pig, and then womp, womp, there you go. It's a weird thing. Friendships are weird. I'm not going to lie to you. Not even friendship, but relationships in the whole wide world. For instance, I got this one place I go to for slop, right? The best slop in the whole town, the whole city, the whole state, maybe the whole coast. And I was going there for a while, and then the people started to recognize me, and a couple of times. A couple of times. I was down and out. I made a mess on the table, and all of a sudden, they're not as nice to me, because they're like, oh, here comes that messy pig. And I'm like, bro, I'm a pig. That's what I do. You run a slop restaurant, guess what's going to happen? It's going to get a bit messy, you know? So it's totally cool, though, man, because what you do, you're not stuck to that narrative. You control your own narrative, right? So what you do is you got to go back in, you got to flip the script. You got to rewrite it a little bit. So now when I go into that restaurant, I go in with cleaner, and I actually clean my table like all serious business. Like, I got to make it sparkle, and I got to make it shine. So, you know, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. You do you. But you got to understand how you act and how the wow reacts to you. Yeah, okay. It's all intertwined. It's all connected. Pig. You understand? Yeah, I do. But that was really insightful and really deep. And I feel like even though you said you want to keep internal things internal, I feel like maybe you just opened up a little bit. Like, maybe you just told us a little bit about the inner workings of pig, which is pretty darn cool, if I do say so myself. And I totally agree with you, too. It's the type of thing where if you go back to your hometown on the holidays or whatever, and people, you know, you haven't been there in 10 years or whatever, but you're seeing people from high school or college or wherever, you know, from a long time ago, and they see you, and they're like, hey, what's up, bumper car green pants, because you wore green pants 20 years ago for four days or something like that, and then that's who you are to them. They're like, yeah, what's up, you remember, man, you used to wear green pants all the time. Oh, bro, your green pants. And you're like, cool. I wore green pants four times in my life, and you happen to be there for it, and so now I'm bumper green pants to you. No, that's great. Completely ignore the last 20 years of my life. That's fine. That makes a lot of sense. Let's just scoot it on back to where I wore green pants a couple of times. And it's weird, because that's the stuff that defines who you are, and it's kind of in your history and in your lineage, and it might have directed, like, maybe I don't wear green pants anymore because I wore it four times, and I got the nickname Natty Green Pants, so maybe, you know, that stuff is definitely important because it happened, but, you know, again, just kind of take that guy to the side and be like, that's hilarious. What's up, porridge Pete, or whatever, you know, because he ate porridge when he was in pre-K, and, you know, but then you're doing the same thing to him, so don't do that. Let's see. Let's think this through. Let's think this through. Let's, uh… What?

Aloysious J. Pig: You went to school with Porridge Pete? Bro, he used to make the best porridge I ever had in my whole life.

Natty Bumpercar: As a matter of fact, and this is a weird connection that you just did to what I just did, but Porridge Pete grew up to open a restaurant that sells slop. That's the restaurant that I was talking about just a minute ago. What? Mind blown. Totally blown. Porridge Pete married this girl named Sally. Right? And then Sally and Pete opened up a little bitty restaurant somewhere far away. It did so well that they franchised that out. Boom, bam, boom. Right? They got all this money, but that wasn't what his dream was. Porridge Pete opened up slop. It's called slop. And he makes all kinds of stuff, like porridge, like stew, like grits, like corn cob soup. Soup? Like, I'm talking, like, all this… All this stuff that's, you know, kind of sloppy meals, right? It's so weird. It's so crazy. So here's the thing. Porridge Pete actually held on to what he was doing when he was growing up, eating the porridge, making the porridge, whereas you, bumper green pants, ain't never wear no green pants no more because you don't want to be known about the green pants. It's weird. He let his history define him. You ran away from your history. You know what I'm thinking, bro? Yeah, that makes sense. Here's the thing. What's the thing? What's the thing? Here's the thing. What's the thing? Tell me what the thing is. Tell me what the thing is. Also, it's really weird and cool that you know Porridge Pete. Yeah, I know. We're going to go… That's cool, too. We're going to go to the mall. We're going to go to the green pants store. We're going to use your gift card that Santa Claus brought to you, and we're going to buy you… Are you ready for it? Are you ready for this? Are you ready for it? Are you ready for this? A whole stick of green pants. 2017 bumper green pants is making his re-arrival upon the scene. He's going to make it crystal clean. He's going to show everybody what he means. He's bumper green pants. He's bumper green pants. Everybody look. It's Natty Green Pants. Go. Natty Green Pants. Natty, Natty Green Pants. Go. Natty Green Pants. Here he comes, y'all. I like the song a lot. I don't like the idea so much. I've got plenty of pants. I do have a gift card, which is kind of cool. We can go to the mall. I'm fine with that. Does Slop… Do they have any locations in mall food courts? Yeah, I think they definitely do. They do. They've got little kiosks. Really? Yeah, you can go. You can get it. No, it sounds interesting to me. All the food that they serve, it sounds pretty darn fascinating. No, it's not interesting or fascinating. I would love to try it if you're willing to go to the mall with me. You're going to buy for me? You're going to buy me some, huh? Of course I'm buying. Perfect. I'm always buying. You're always buying because I'm always selling. No, you're buying because you've got the money bags, all right? Money bags in your green pants and whatnot. All right, let me get my stuff together. Let me make myself pretty because if I'm going out in public, I've got to be like that pig. People are like, oh my God, is that that pig? And I'm like, yeah, of course it is. Hey, what's going on, bro? Like that. Yeah, yeah, no, okay. Okay, you finish this up and I'm going to get ready. I'm going to call Petey Porridge also and I'm going to… Porridge Petey? Porridge Petey, yeah. And we're going to see if he can hook us up. Okay. Okay. Bye, everybody. 2017. You know what I mean? It's me, Aloysius. Hugs and hearts. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. All right, good job. Thanks so much for hanging out, pig. You made me feel better. You actually made me feel a lot better about everything. And you know what? That's how I want to feel and that's how I want you to feel is better.

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December 30, 2016
Bumperpodcast #279 – Late night stores

Bumpercar is excited about Christmas, and stores being open late. He also hatches a plan to deal with adulting!

Did you like adulting? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In episode 279 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar shares his late-night mall adventures just before Christmas. He observes the curious crowd eating fried chicken and pretzels at 10 PM, tries on clothes that don't quite fit his budget or style, and contemplates visiting stores open until 2 AM. Natty reflects on the importance of helping strangers during the stressful holiday season, recounting two good deeds involving baby carriages and shopping carts. The episode takes a thoughtful turn as he discusses how modern life makes it difficult for people to share their struggles and support each other, ultimately realizing that what he's describing is simply friendship.

Memorable Quotes

“I feel like people who shop in the middle of the night are a little bit gray, and their eyes were kind of sunken like they're not getting enough vitamin D.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“This time of year it's about being nice to people, helping people, because right now is when people are the most stressed ever.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I was like man wouldn't it be nice if there was a no judgment clearing house where you can just talk it out, and they were like you mean like friends?”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #christmas #shopping #mall #kindness #friendship #holidaystress #modernlife #helpingothers

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: there is so much excitement here at headquarters right now because christmas is so close i don't know how you feel about christmas but i love christmas and christmas is fun and i went to a mall last night at like 10 o'clock at night and just walked around i didn't buy anything i didn't have really much of an intention to buying anything i just wanted to walk around in a mall at 10 o'clock and look at people look at all these people what are you guys doing here it's it's late it's late night we're walking around a mall there are people eating pretzels at 10 o'clock at night they were pretending like it was just normal time to be there is people eating fried chicken at the mall at 10 o'clock at night and i was like what are you doing to yourself right now dude why would you even why would you even do that to yourself that's a terrible idea fried chicken at 10 o'clock is no man's land that's doing bad things to you your body doesn't it might say it appreciates it but it doesn't appreciate it and you're gonna have crazy fried chicken dreams which in hindsight now that i've said it out loud sounds like it might actually be a fun thing so maybe i'm in the wrong i don't like to say it but i i think i might be wrong here uh tonight midnight i'm having some fried chicken so strap in let's see where we go no i can't i did have i will admit i had a uh what was it mango black tea lemonade oh hi how are you i'm a fancy bumper car i'm gonna have some of this mango black tea uh lemonade oh thank you i know no sugar it's already sweet enough for me thank you i'm finally a guy thank you very much uh but even that was a little too much for me i kind of i think it kept me awake a bit uh says and i walked around and i walked into a few stores and i even i tried a couple of things on uh and uh i don't know i just don't feel like they make clothes for me anymore what does that mean you wear pants you wear shirts i do but i don't know i don't know i mean i like the stuff i have yeah but the stuff you have is falling off of you it's literally rotting off of you that's true i a lot of my clothes are frayed and have holes in them uh but it's it's it's not because i don't love them it's because i do love them some would say i love my clothes too much um so much so that they're irreplaceable i go to the mall and i'm essentially looking for the same thing that i'm wearing to be on the rack and to be roughly seven dollars and it's not there it doesn't exist oh look at this this store this entire store is 60 off that's great wait the pants are still 45 how much were they before i can't do the math but that just seems like they were too expensive i feel like i'm ranting how many stores did i go i went to one two i went like six stores right and i now that i i know this but i forget it sometimes but i think all these stores are owned by the same company and so they're all derivations on the same clothes but just maybe made a little bit cheaper like oh this one's made of thread that will actually dissolve as you wear it oh that's fun no it's not because then your pants fall off i don't want that well that's what you bought if you're buying these clothes that is the experience that you have bought we call that experience naked in a mall well that sounds terrible and i will not have it i will not have it off and i hated being paid for them i was trying to buy that day when i was 5 the within 25 days uh as we were walking i had one of those wallets and was really shocked excited like peppered in the lover and they had this other People the thing I had just media ᵃ ᵃ ᵗᵗᵒᵒᵚᵗ Spígena here but I took it off and it's precisely not camera the thing on the noodles I'm not with me You should have told me if you weren't listening over and over again and what do anybody wants I'll give you a hand but I definitely made it all smushed and crumbly, and I was just like, your presentation is not where it needs to be, my friend. I'm, I'm eating with my eyes right now, and my eyes are saying I am not hungry for that, that garbage. Sorry, you know, but you need to take that back to the drawing board and try again if you want this man to try your macaroons. I did not try a macaroon. I, um, I did, I had other plans. I had big plans last night. I was gonna go to, uh, I was gonna go to the mall, and then I was gonna go to, uh, another, whatever, Target, and then I was gonna go to Toys R Us, because I looked it on the website on all these places. Uh, the mall was open till 12. Uh, Target was open till, I think, 12 also. Toys R Us was open until 2 a.m. Now, that's the only reason that I wanted to go there. Uh, when I was in college, that was right around the time that Walmart decided that they would be 24 hours, and I don't know if they all are still, or I don't know. Uh, but it was just this fascination with going to this place in the middle of the night and seeing who was there, and you would see, it's, it was like, um, and this isn't knocking anyone, because people have different schedules. They, you know, whatever. Okay, fine, it's a little bit knocking, but it was like the mole creatures had come out of the ground, out of their, out of their caves, out of their, their hovels, and, and their eyes were kind of, uh, you know, gray. They looked very good. gray i feel like people who shop in the middle of the night are a little bit gray uh and then their eyes were kind of sunken like they're not getting enough vitamin d not not getting enough light and i worry about these people but i also want to go walk around the store and and see who they are that's it don't want to talk to them don't want to meet them that's too much that's too much human contact i can't deal with that i want to be in my bubble here you be in your bubble over there that's not that's not real i like to meet people i like um when i go to stores i like to uh hey you know like that but not not too much because if you do hate too much of that guy then you're terrible but just a little bit of uh like a little comment like i like what was it the other day i was in the city and there was this woman and she had a baby carriage and it got stuck in the snow with the baby in it on the street and i was like hey you want help with that you know a lot people are just gonna walk by and be like good luck baby good luck you baby see you see you never if you don't make it across that street this is you're done uh but i walked out i was just like can i help you with that and she was like yes thank you so i grabbed the front of the carriage lifted it up got it out of the slush and i said do you need help the rest of the way and she's like no thank you so much i think i've got it from here and i was like all right i did something good later that night i was at a cvs had to run in and grab something there was a an older woman coming out pushing a cart that had probably 15 things of seltzer like a 12 pack a lot of seltzer she was very thirsty and um there was no handicap uh ramp to get off of the of the sidewalk and so she's standing there and she's like trying she's thinking about i can see she's kind of pushing it thinking pulling back thinking going forward and so i was just like hey did you want to did you want to get the cart off the the sidewalk and she's like well i'd like that very much and i was like well here let me help you out so twice in a day i grabbed the cart put it on this on the street and she went off to her car uh twice in a day i was able to help people and really this time of year you know what it's all about it's about being nice to people it's about helping people because right now is when people are the most stressed ever people are freaked out not because you mean there's the world is freaking them out the politics can freak them out uh family dynamics can freak them out uh they got to travel they're they're dealing with work and there's time off and you're at the office and everyone piles everything on you at the end of the year because they're all taking their vacation days oh but i was supposed to take vacation days too too bad you're a little man on the totem pole ah this world is crazy that's what people are going through so what do you do you fight find a way to be nice to them you find a way to uh if you see somebody struggling you lend a helping hand right right that's what you do that's the best move and not just this time of year but all times of the year you see a guy holding a kid and he's got a drink and there's another drink on the counter at mcdonald's and maybe his tray he'd be like buddy you need help getting this to your seat he's gonna you know what he's gonna be he's gonna look at you like you're trying to take his food but then he's gonna be like i can help i can get you and he's gonna be like man thanks i appreciate that or he's gonna say don't touch my food and you're gonna be like cool bro you got it run a good luck i'm gonna guess i'm gonna watch this i'm gonna watch you do this like you're in cirque de soleil um because sometimes people don't like to be helped i was actually talking to somebody about that the other day uh when you get older you get into this weird situation uh where you're people don't talk to each other people don't uh and it's not just a lack of communication but people don't share experiences and it's because people are nervous and scared that uh they're gonna look worse for the situations that they're in or the different variables in their life right but the thing is we've all got variables in our life we've all got uh thing burdens or whatever uh things that we're dealing with and so i was i was talking to a friend and i was talking to this person i was like man wouldn't it be nice if there was like a a clearing house like a no judgment clearing house where you go and you have a group of people uh and you can just talk it out without people being like oh well that guy really is blowing it huh uh and they were like you mean like friends and i was like oh that sounds like friends yes it would be so nice to have friends um but the thing is it's it's you get older and you know you're you're so caught up in everything and running from here to there and trying to do the best just to survive you're running to work oh you got to get the kids ready to school you got oh we got to get their lunches oh he's got to have his school book back in today oh don't forget that one's got funny hat day today does he have uh school lunch today i'm not sure what did they eat for breakfast well this one had some yogurt he refused to eat is that one even wearing shoes oh i forgot shoes how did i manage to forget shoes oh they didn't brush your teeth oh they didn't comb their hair oh this one forgot to do his homework like there's so much going on that it's you can't point the blame at anyone and be like well you guys could figure this out easier if you just crowdsourced and put your heads together and shared your experiences because that that's just too simple right it's just too simple i guess i don't know

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December 20, 2016