Tag: friendship

  • Bumperpodcast #313 – Shellfish Blues

    Bumperpodcast #313 – Shellfish Blues

    Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    Rufus is in the house with Doodle Poodle talking about litigation, and courtroom illustrations – when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, there are tears. We also get to rip the wrapping paper off of our new sponsor, and deliver an ad for an app called ‘Picniic’ on today’s episode of the Bumperpodcast!

    Picniic is a nifty organization app for families who have way too much going on. I started playing with it last week, and was immediately shocked at how many times I have triple-booked myself over the next two months. 

    To check it out, yourself, go to picniic.com/getstarted to set up your account and use promo code: PODPIC for 30 days of Picniic Premium free! (Repeat with emphasis on URL and promo code and SPELL P-I-C-N-I-I-C)

    Send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Don’t forget to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976.

     

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

     


    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Rufus T. Rufus and Doodle Poodle attempt to take over the studio for a courtroom drama special, but host Natty Bumpercar intervenes. What starts as a dispute over studio usage policies quickly devolves into an emotional confession when Rufus reveals he's having a terrible day. The lawyer puppet shares his unfortunate restaurant mishap involving confused weekdays, stuffed mushrooms, and a dangerous encounter with Tuesday's crab fritters that resulted in losing his beloved hat. Meanwhile, Doodle Poodle offers his artistic comfort, and the crew debates the merits of various shellfish before Aloysious J. Pig bursts in to reclaim his scheduled time slot.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I saw the T, and I saw the U. You know Thursday's got a U in it as well. And then the day. I saw T, and I saw U, and day. And, you know, they ain't got no stuffed mushrooms in the restaurant on Tuesday.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “Escargot, escar-no, that's been a high set. None of it. Just keep it away from me.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I sicked in my hat. My hat is now gone, and that is, in fact, why I am most sad.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    Topics: #restaurants #foodallergies #baddays #friendship #studiodrama #shellfish #hats

    Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

    Full Transcript

    Rufus T. Rufus: well well well this is rufus t rufus the residential uh uh lawyer here for the bumper podcast uh today we're going to be doing a little bit of litigation for some cases that have come to my attention here i will be the prosecutor i will be the defender i will be the judge i will also be the stenographer i will probably be drawing the pictures as well as the dog oh give it up it's me hi everybody it's me

    Doodle Poodle: i've been trying to decide what the best way to say my name is because sometimes when i say my name people look at me kind of funny but not funny in any kind of like ha ha ha way but more like funny in a what's this dog even talking about way and then i've been trying to decide what the best way to say my name is because sometimes when i say my I realize that they are looking at me funny because my name is Doodle Doodle and I'm not even making any drawings for them. So then I start to make some doodles and everything gets all better all the time.

    Natty Bumpercar: Right? Right. Right. Hey, guys. It is me, Natty Bumpercar, and I do not know what I've done. That's right. You're in the booth. I turned your microphone off. So you're just going to have to sit there for a second. Sorry, everybody. A little inside baseball there. This is Natty Bumpercar. It is my show, The Bumper Podcast. And evidently, Rufus T. Rufus, our lawyer, and Doodle Poodle snuck into the sound booth over there. And I don't know what they were about to do. Some sort of courtroom drama on The Bumper Podcast. But now that I'm here, I can kind of take charge and we can see, I think, what I'm going to do because I feel bad. Because they. They do have the studio blocked off right now. They are supposed to be here. But I was kind of listening in because I can do that from my office. And I didn't understand what they were doing. So I will let I will bring them back in. But then I will kind of mitigate whatever insanity happens. So in advance, I apologize. And hey, how you doing? I'm glad you're here. Thanks for being here. So without further ado, here is Rufus. Rufus T.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah. Hi there. Thank you for cracking the microphone, Mr. Bumpercar. As you said, because we can hear what you're saying in there, as you can hear what we're saying in here, as well as what you say in there. We had the studio blocked off for this time. And I do not appreciate and I do believe that it breaks the terms of endearment that you have steadily stated for and placed upon the wording of the studio usage. And the policy is. And we will not be broken if you do understand what I'm saying. My friend, my friend, my friend.

    Doodle Poodle: I agree with everything that he said. And I think that I didn't actually read the words. And I don't even know if I ever got them. What? And so to be honest. They were in your cubicle. The fact that I didn't get them. No. I think I mean that you're breaking the rules. No. On that one.

    Natty Bumpercar: They were in your cubicle.

    Doodle Poodle: Two. Put them in there. Right. Sir. I thought so. I thought so.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Well, now, what my friend here, Mr. Poodle, is saying is that you never. In fact, got his signatory on the piece of preparatory. And so, in fact, you are broken all the rules from left to right, from front to center, Mr. Bumper Cop. So, if you interrupt us again, my friend. I'm not interrupting. I'm going to have to. It's my studio. Negate. Oh, really? You understand what I'm saying, sir? Yeah. I am going to have to take this junket to the junket.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay? I think you were trying to say you were trying to take this. You're going to take this junket to the trunk. Which doesn't even make sense. And the fact that I am now able to kind of figure out what you're trying to say kind of makes me terrified because I don't want to be able to speak Rufus. And now, a quick word from one of our sponsors. I'm so busy. But luckily, I discovered Picnic. It is an organizational app for my family. I can enter events into a shared calendar. We have to-do lists, shopping lists, and even recipes. So, you should totally go do it. Go get organized. Go to Picnic. Go to Picnic. Go to Picnic. Go to Picnic.com slash Get Started to set up your account and use promo code PODPIC for 30 days of Picnic Premium for free. That's Picnic. P-I-C-N-I-I-C dot com slash Get Started and promo code PODPIC. So, go and get organized today. We now return you to whatever in the world it was that you were listening to just before the commercial here on the Bumper Podcast. Good luck. You're probably going to need it.

    Rufus T. Rufus: I'm sorry. No, that's not a slander. That's a slander. That's a slight. That is abruptly inappropriate. And I, sir, do declare that my time here is done. I will be leaving and I do not know if I will be coming back. If you run into any issues revolving around the law, then I do so hope that you have coverage from some other lackey or whatever you desire. Because I, sir, will not. Don't do that. I will take this punishment from you. There's no punishment. I've had a rough day as it is. Are you? And I don't. Hold on a second. Are you okay? Hold on a second. I'm getting emotional. Is he crying? Yeah, he's crying. Oh, no. Rufus, I'm just going to turn your microphone off. Yeah, I'm going to turn it off. You turn that microphone off.

    Natty Bumpercar: Sir, just hold on. I'm pushing the button.

    Doodle Poodle: This is making me very, as a poodle who is normally very in touch with his emotions. Yeah. Very open to, you know, making sure that I express what I'm feeling. I don't really like being stuck in this room.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, okay.

    Doodle Poodle: This classroom with a microphone and this poor, sad man. I'm not a sad man.

    Natty Bumpercar: But you're like me. Rufus, you're back on the air. I'm sorry.

    Doodle Poodle: Because usually when I make drawings, it makes people smile.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, that's nice. That's a good.

    Rufus T. Rufus: I don't know if that's what's going to make me happy or not. Listen, here's what happened.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, Rufus, can you just talk? I mean, I guess since we're here and we have the microphones and everything set up and we're this far in, I feel like you should just talk to us and, you know, let us know what's going on and we'll see if we can make it better. Okay. Does that make sense?

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, that's a good idea. Now, here's what happened to me today.

    Doodle Poodle: Oh, are you going to tell us now?

    Rufus T. Rufus: You just hushed, puppy. Now, here's… Rufus, I was at my favorite Wolverine Hole slash restaurant food emporium extravaganza. I'm about to eat my favorite food. Now, I had gone there specifically because I wanted some stuffed mushrooms. You understand? It's what I always eat on Thursday.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, on Thursday? But it's not… Oh. Oh.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. It is not even Thursday in the least. It is Tuesday. I had looked at the calendar, and the calendar had said there was a T. I saw the T, and I saw the U. You know Thursday's got a U in it as well. And then the day. At the end, I saw T, and I saw U, and I saw day. And, you know, they ain't got no stuffed mushrooms. in the restaurant in Foodiborium on Tuesday. That is Crab Fritter Day. And, sir, I have to tell you, I am highly allergic to crab fritters.

    Doodle Poodle: I really, I love crab fritters. That's why I'm always there on Tuesday. They say, Tuesday crab fritters, toodle-poodles, food for days. It's like…

    Natty Bumpercar: You've never gone to a restaurant toodle-poodle. They don't let dogs in restaurants, first off. But second off, I am with you on the crab fritters. I do not like them. I'm not allergic to them, but I just, I don't like shellfish. But that's not true, because I do like shrimp. But here's the weird thing with shrimp. I do not, I like shrimp scampi. Like, it's over here by itself. You put that in pasta, you yuck. I like steamed shrimp with, like, some Old Bay. That's delicious. Or I guess that's boiled shrimp. I like shrimp on the barbie. Fan, I'm a big fan. Shrimp by themselves, yes. But you get a scallop near me, you get a lobster near me, you get a crab near me, you get any of that stuff. Escargot, escar-no, that's been a high set. None of it. Just keep it away from me. And even shrimp, I'm weird on.

    Rufus T. Rufus: So, as you were, keep talking. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna keep on going, as this was my story, and I'm not as sad as I used to be, because you kept talking. And now I feel like my emotional stake in the ground has been lucked out, and I don't have as much to talk about. It's just fine. So, I do not like this Tuesday meal. I'm allergic to it. I will go to the hospital. In fact, just being in the restaurant, the air, it was in the air. I thought I'd get a little sick. I have to tell you, sir, I sicked in my hat. My hat is now gone, and that is, in fact, why I am most sad. I did not get my stuffed mushrooms, and I lost my hat.

    Doodle Poodle: See, your hat is gone.

    Rufus T. Rufus: When you ask me why I'm having a rough day, that's why I'm having a rough day. We should draw you a new hat.

    Doodle Poodle: I'm going to draw a picture of you with your hat on.

    Aloysious J. Pig: It's going to be a great doodle. Guys, guys, guys, guys. I'm so sorry. It's me, Pig. I'm always just J. Pig. And I'm noticing on the schedule that your time is officially up, because I'm about to do my podcast, which is supposed to be called the Pigpen Podcast, but it's a kid's show. But it ain't happening right yet, because we've got to think of a new name. So, you guys skadoot. Sorry. Thanks for bringing it to the top. Sorry, everybody. It's Mike Darn, Aloysius J. Pig. Have a better day. Anybody got a good name for a pig's podcast? Send it in to Bumpercar.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Do that for me, okay? Please. What about Rude Pig, huh? That's not a good name for a podcast. Have a great day, guys, everybody.

  • Bumperpodcast #310 – Turkey is back

    Bumperpodcast #310 – Turkey is back

    Turkey is back – and he is bananas.

    Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    Send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Don’t forget to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976.

     

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

     


    About This Episode

    In episode 310 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a Thanksgiving crisis when Turkey shows up at headquarters in a state of panic. Joined by Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus (acting as Turkey's lawyer), and Robot with his universal Turkey decoder, the gang attempts to calm the anxious bird who fears he'll end up as dinner. Through a chaotic series of misunderstandings and Turkey's rapid-fire gobbling, the team works to communicate and reassure their feathered friend. The episode wraps with a heartfelt message from Natty about gratitude and making it through tough times, while Turkey finally settles down for a nap.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, that's my name. And I will be legally representing this Turkey here in the court of law to call a justice the court of the public opinion.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “He thinks the robot looks like an oven, and he thinks that this is all a big setup to get the Turkey back in.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You should wake up every day and look yourself in the mirror in the eyes. And you should thank yourself for doing whatever you do, for trying hard, for making it through the day.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #thanksgiving #turkey #anxiety #friendship #gratitude #communication #holidaystress #kindness

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus, Robot

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well well well if it isn't the bumper podcast and it's me it's natty bumper car and it's that time of year it's that time of year where it's almost thanksgiving and i oh no look who it is

    Producer: hey buddy how are you you're freaking out you're freaking me out there's a lot of freaking out

    Natty Bumpercar: okay you talk

    Aloysious J. Pig: i don't i don't i don't know what i don't know what you're seeing i'm very sorry i'm very i'm

    Natty Bumpercar: very sorry hey hey that's me uh allosius jay pig so anyway so i think what the tardy doodle is trying to say is that he's nervous because you're talking about Thanksgiving. Yeah. And always around this time of year, you know, the turkey comes in, and you're like, gobble, gobble, and you're like, who's this? And turkey, turkey, and blah, blah, blah. I think he just wants to make sure that everything is on the up and up. Oh. That everything is copacetic. Of course. You know what I'm talking about. Okay. That makes sense. Okay. Exactly. Turkey, calm it down. He's freaking out. Take it down two notches. He's freaking out. Turkey, turkey, turkey. You need to settle. Settle. Settle. Turkey. Settle. Somebody got to settle the turkey, I guess. Do we have any turkey whispers in the house? No, there's no turkey whispers in the house.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Okay, just kidding. Oh. Uh-huh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you seem so sad, turkey. Listen, it's going to be fine. Nothing bad is going to happen, I promise. We're just going to hang out. We're here at headquarters. It's me, you, and Pig, and we, I, he does, I guess, he kind of, Pig, do you speak turkey? It seems like a little bit. I mean, I, I do dabble a bit. Okay, but not really. No, no, no. Okay, so we, I think that we maybe just need to find somebody who does speak a good turkey, and then we can kind of, kind of go from there. Maybe, does that make sense? I don't know what to do. You still freak it out. Okay, okay, okay. Settle down, turkey. Settle down. Stop it. You're on a, you're on a hot microphone, turkey. Don't say anything you'll regret in the future. Okay, well, calm down. I, uh,

    Aloysious J. Pig: oh. I see. I understand exactly. That's exactly what the turkey is trying to

    Natty Bumpercar: say to everybody.

    Doodle Poodle: Hi, everybody. It's me. It's

    Aloysious J. Pig: a little poodle.

    Doodle Poodle: And I think that I can solve this case. Okay, it's not a case. Perhaps, perchance, probably.

    Natty Bumpercar: He's trying to figure out what he's saying.

    Doodle Poodle: Um, what I'm gonna do is get out some paper. Okay. And make some doodles of what the turkey who is trying to say so that you guys can get a visual representation of exactly what the turkey is trying to tell us. Is that the best idea ever?

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm gonna weigh in on this and say that no, it's actually not the best idea ever. It's not, it's not the worst idea ever. Uh, but, I mean, I guess maybe we could give it a shot. But the thing is, this turkey talks very quickly. And, um, I don't know that you're gonna be able to draw what he's saying fast enough that we'll be able to convey exactly what he's trying to say.

    Doodle Poodle: Oh, look, I drew this unicorn right here. That fast unicorn.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. I stand corrected. We are gonna give it a shot. We're gonna give it a shot. Okay. That's kind of amazing that you drew that that fast. Okay. I'm very fast

    Doodle Poodle: doodler. I can draw very quickly if I want to. Sometimes I draw slow. But sometimes I draw really fast, too. This is just how it depends. Oh, what the, you know, this is tough. Oh, he's saddled.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled. Saddled.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Turkey lawyer T. Rufus. Wait a minute, I did that wrong. Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, that's my name. And I will be legally representing this Turkey here in the court of law to call a justice the court of the public opinion on exactly what he wants to do and what he deserves to do and the life that all Turkies in this great country, in this great world, are allowed to pursue and enjoy. If you do get my drift, and I believe you do by the look on your eye, on your face, above your nose, you see what I'm saying? Rufus, Turkey lawyer Rufus, coming in, swooping in, just like I do, to protect you. To protect you, okay? Okay. Call me up. We're going to settle this out of court, lawyer style.

    Natty Bumpercar: All right. All right. Are you being paid by the minute? Because that was quite the soliloquy, I think that was, the monologue. That was a monologue. That was definitely a more monologue than we needed to have at this moment.

    Rufus T. Rufus: It was more of a soliloquy, I believe. It was more of a, you know. Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: But we're just trying to figure out what the Turkey is doing. What the Turkey wants, and what the Turkey needs, and what will make the Turkey happy. So, I appreciate everyone being here, but I don't appreciate you.

    Robot: Hey, but I think you should appreciate me, because I think that I have a solution. I have a universal Turkey decoder inside of my programming.

    Producer: Wait, do you really? That might help. Yeah. Yeah. See? Okay.

    Robot: I am good for something, and so, if the Turkey would just come here and wait, where's the Turkey going? I don't understand.

    Natty Bumpercar: All right. So, what do we… Bro, the robot's completely freaking the Turkey out. Okay. He's afraid of the robot. He thinks the robot looks like an oven, and he thinks that this is all a big setup to get the Turkey back in. Yeah. So, we're going to get the Turkey out of the robot's oven, and then we're going to get the Turkey back in. And, of course, we're going to get the Turkey in the robot oven, and then Turkey dinner, which I have told him is not true. We're not doing that. No. He's a rusty bucket of bolts. He's not a cooking utensil item. So, just go on down. All right. Talk to the, you know, the bones. The robot. No, the bones. The bolts over there. Yeah. And, we can get to the bottom. We can settle. Turkey, settle down. Settle down. Turkey. Turkey. Turkey bro. Seriously. Why is he freaking… I can't even imagine the Turkey. He's still freaking out. I was having a nice relaxing day. You're ruining my day. I don't want to say he's ruining it. Hey, turkey. There he goes. He finally went to sleep, everybody. I think all the activity might have worked him up and got him super anxious. Oh, he's so sleepy. I've never seen a sleeping turkey before.

    Producer: He's so cute when he sleeps.

    Natty Bumpercar: Is he purring? I didn't know turkeys purred. This is very strange. Wow, all right. Well, now that the crisis is averted with turkey, I wanted to say thank you so much to everybody for listening to the Bumper Podcast and for being so awesome. And sometimes the world is a big, mean, scary place, but hopefully you listen here and you feel a little bit better. Or you see how crazy my world is and it makes you feel like your world isn't, you know, all that crazy. You're pretty cool. You're pretty nice. You're pretty fun. Definitely pretty funny. And thank you. And thank you and thank you and thank you. And you should wake up every day and you should look in the mirror and you should brush your teeth and then you should wash your face and then you should look yourself in the mirror in the eyes. And you should thank yourself for doing whatever you do, for trying hard, for, you know, making it through the day, making it through the night, because it's not always that easy. And the world's a big, scary place and there's a lot of big, scary things happening. I mean, as turkey evidences. So, hooray for you. Hooray for me. Hooray for every single body. Right? Right. Anybody else want to say anything? Anybody else on the podcast want to say thank you for anything? Or…

  • Bumperpodcast #304 – Helping is good!

    Bumperpodcast #304 – Helping is good!

    Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. We have a great interview, some call-ins, and we finally have a Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    It’s almost too much to bear – isn’t it? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    And – don’t forget to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976.

    Oh – and – our special guest this week is Donna Vaicels!

    Go to these places to find Donna:

    Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DonnaVeeComedy/

    Salon Gossip:

    Website: http://www.salon-gossip.co m

    Camp Fatima:

     

     


    About This Episode

    In episode 304 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar opens with a heartfelt message about helping others in society before things take a chaotic turn when Rufus T. Rufus crashes the show. Rufus claims listeners are upset that Natty's regular puppet friends haven't been appearing as much with the new interview format. After some bickering about show segments and schedules, the episode transitions to another installment of the Pig Interview series. Aloysius J. Pig interviews comedian Donna V. Sells in a hilarious conversation covering topics from fish liberation and cupcake etiquette to Wizard of Oz characters and pescatarianism. The episode wraps with Natty answering a listener's phone question with help from his son Oliver, reflecting on parenthood and the importance of listening to different viewpoints.

    Memorable Quotes

    “We live in a society. A society that doesn't work if we don't help each other out. I'm not saying you have to be best friends with a person… But I am saying you should help.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I like to talk to his friends, so that then I can make them not like him quite as much, because really…”

    — Aloysius J. Pig

    “You're calling me weird, but you, Aloysius, are a pig that does a podcast.”

    — Donna V. Sells

    Topics: #helpingothers #comedy #interviews #parenting #friendship #food #puppetry #family

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: Help someone out. If you see somebody who needs something, who's having a tough time, who's having a rough day, help them out. If you see someone trying to cross the street, who's carrying something, whose baby carriage is going this way or that, say, Hey buddy, you need some help? Because we live in a society. A society that doesn't work if we don't help each other out. I'm not saying you have to be best friends with a person. I'm not saying you have to call them and check in on them later. But I am saying you should help. What day is it? I don't even know what day it is. I'm so confused right now. I woke up and it's still dark outside and it was dark last night when I went to bed. The kids get up so early and I… Well, I have a thing to say. Hello there. Hey, Rufus. I say, I say hello to you, Bubba Cobb. I've been getting a lot of reports, a lot of news feeds, a lot of… Transcribations from people saying that they're upset that none of your character friends are coming on the show these days. They say, who's this highfalutin Bubba Cobb who comes on out here with his pig interviews and his product reviews and his telephone calls. And he does not invite his friends who made the show what it is onto that very… Then I said… Oh, shit. Okay, well, that's valid. And I apologize. I've been so excited with the new format that I haven't been having as many people onto the show with me. I mean, we've had the interviews and the interviews have been awesome. Actually, I was thinking about the interviews the other day where I want to make a page where it kind of highlights who was on the show so far. We had, who was it, Adam Lucidi. We had Sock Cop. We had John Trumbull. Last week we had Darren Patterson. This week we have someone. Finally, we have a woman, which makes me happy because it felt weird. But I want to have, like, all these people highlighted because it seems like the appropriate thing to do so that they get the most play out of the shows as they can. Now, you mentioned, I understood, I heard that you have a pig and pig illusion of you and a woman today. And I assume that the only reason you have not had one in your first four shows is because… None of, none of, none of them agreed. No one agreed to be on the show. Yeah. The, the, the, the, the, the fellas that were on were a little bit more desperate for airtime. No, no, no, no, no, no. Is that what I'm trying to understand? No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no. Well, I see. No, no, no, no, no. Well, I see. You don't see anything. Listen, this is why you're not invited on the show. You say weird things and you get me in trouble. It's just how it worked out with the schedule, okay? Jeez, I'm trying to… I have… I have, like, a huge list of people that I want to get on the show, but, uh, to interview with Pig, because I feel like he's having a great time with it, and people seem to enjoy themselves. Like, as I… I help him produce those segments, so I go on and I talk to people beforehand, and I'm kind of like, hey, you know, Pig's getting ready, here's what's gonna happen, uh, just be ready for this, you know, he's maybe in this kind of a mood today, or… What does that even mean? I'm in this kind of a mood? I'm a… What are you talking about? Some days I wake up, I'm hungrier than other days. Some days I wake up, I'm sleepier than other days, but I don't… Oh, hey, watch out for the Pig. Like, I'm that intimidating? Like, I'm gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna scream at people, guests on my show? Bro, bro, bro, bro, get it together, okay, Bumps? All right? Please, for the love of Pete. Wait, who is this… Now, who is this Pete? Now, is he gonna be on the show as well? Is he signed some sort of an NDA? Some sort of a contract with the… Of a podcast where he's gonna be on the Pig interviews, or does he have his own segment? There's no Pete, no, and there's nobody getting their own segment, okay? Pig has his own segment, and… I was thinking we could have a lawyer segment where I distribute law advice to the people, to the land. I could help some people out. Isn't this whole episode about helping people out? Well, how about we'll call it the Rufus T. Rufus. Rufus, fix your life segment or something like that. That sounds like a great idea. I actually got a few things that I wanted to run by you, okay? Can I do that? Stop, stop, stop. Both of you stop, okay? I don't want… There's no more segments. There's nothing. But we are… What we're gonna do right now, I appreciate you both stopping by, and I appreciate it for putting up air quotes, because I don't really appreciate it because I had a nice flow going, and I had a fun time with my past episodes, and now you're here, and you're making me crazy. But what we're gonna do now is we're gonna have a great interview with some… Someone who's hilarious and fun, and Pig, you did a great job. I'm gonna keep saying it, because you're doing a great job. Ladies and gentlemen, here's this week's Pig Interview! Alright, hey everybody, it's me, Aloysius J. Pig, and I'm here for my next interview. I don't know who it is. Bumpercar lined it up. He says he's a friend of his. You know, I like to talk to his friends, so that then I can make them not like him quite as much, because really… Bumpercar, seriously. Anyway, let's see who it is. I know she's a comedian. I know she's from the Jersey, but let's see who she is. Evidently, she's got a dog in her house. Hey, who is this, anyways?

    Unknown: Hi, Pig, it's Donna.

    Natty Bumpercar: I ain't Donna.

    Unknown: Yeah, Donna V. Sells.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, Vi Sells. Yeah, I know.

    Unknown: Yeah, V. Sells.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, let's see, I'm looking. He handed me a piece of paper with your name. It clearly says V. Sells.

    Unknown: No, it's Pig, it's Donna V. Sells.

    Natty Bumpercar: My name's Aloysius, did you know that?

    Unknown: I didn't know that. We've never been formally introduced.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's my proper name. That's what it says on my christening slip. That's awesome. The slip, did you get a slip? Were you christened?

    Unknown: I was christened.

    Natty Bumpercar: And when they did it, did they say, did they give you a slip of paper and it said, this is to confirm that Donna… Ugh, whatever your last name is.

    Unknown: V. Sells.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, like the Seychelles.

    Unknown: Yes, that's exactly right. It's like, yes, Donna V. Sells, like they sell seashells at the V. Sells.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm not familiar with what that is exactly. Are you some sort of Dr. Seuss or something? Is that what that is?

    Unknown: Sometime.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, don't be coy with me, V. Sells.

    Unknown: I love coy. They're such big fish, right?

    Natty Bumpercar: They creep me out, bro. I was at a place last week, a Japanese place, Hibachi, and they had like a fountain. It was a tiny fountain, and Bumper Guy's kid was just like, look at this, there's fish in it. I mean, it was the tiniest thing, and the fish couldn't even turn around. I felt so bad for him. Oh, no. Yes, so we went to the car, we got a hammer, and we liberated him, and we ran out. Yes. That's awesome. I don't know where the fish were. When we left, they were flopping on the floor. I assume that they got an Uber and got to… They got to the water, like big water, but I don't know what happened to them, if I'm going to be honest.

    Unknown: Wow. They might have taken a Lyft.

    Natty Bumpercar: You think that fish are more Lyft-friendly, or I don't know how that works.

    Unknown: I think fish might go in a Lyft instead of the Uber.

    Natty Bumpercar: How do you get yourself around town when you're driving? Like, do you walk? Do you bicycle? Do you paraglide?

    Unknown: I actually just got myself a Volkswagen Bug. It's really cute.

    Natty Bumpercar: A Beetle Bug?

    Unknown: I did. I did. I'm so excited.

    Natty Bumpercar: Is it like an old one or a new one?

    Unknown: It's newer, but it's certified pre-owned.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, well, that means they tacked on a couple grand is what they did for that.

    Unknown: No, it means that somebody else didn't want it, and I was like, that's not nice. I like bugs. I rescue them all the time. I don't kill them. So I rescued this one from the car lot.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, but, Boppa Guy, you got a weird one on the phone this time.

    Unknown: You see what you did to me? Okay. He knows that. He knows that.

    Natty Bumpercar: He ain't. He knows nothing. When he talks to you in public, do his eyes just glass over? Because whenever I'm talking to him, there's not much happening back there. He's a cute guy, but there's nothing going on.

    Unknown: But do you hear me? Everybody's eyes glass over. No.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm used to it. Well, you have a lot of spunk, a lot of energy. So tell me, so you know Bumps from the jokes? Is that what it is?

    Unknown: Yeah, we totally do comedy together. He's hilarious.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, come on. I don't know why everyone who comes on here has to say nice things about him. Because, listen, you ain't going to get over on me, all right? I live with him. He's terrible. He's so nice. Oh, no. Okay. Now it's gotten weird. Because this is, I got to, when we have people on the show, Bop, you got to tell them right up front. Don't say nice things because it makes me uncomfortable. It makes me look like a mean guy. I don't want to look like a mean guy to you, Donna, you know?

    Unknown: I don't think that's possible. Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, that's fine.

    Unknown: He tries to look all tough in his lumberjack shirts and stuff, but he ain't fooling anybody. He's got Mickey Mouse under there.

    Natty Bumpercar: You know what he shops? He shops at Plaid Zara. It's literally, all he's got is plaid. He shops at, he goes to the place where they make tablecloths. Tablecloths. Yeah, okay. Wow. We just both got a concussion and went into the same joke.

    Unknown: I know. Pinch, poke you, owe me a Coke.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, did you just jinx me?

    Unknown: Yeah, I jinxed you. How do I?

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm not supposed to talk? You can't. Well. What do I do? I'm interviewing. I can't even talk. This is the first time this has happened. Can you un-jinx me?

    Unknown: Okay, you're un-jinxed. Circle, circle, dot, dot. I un-jinxed you on the spot.

    Natty Bumpercar: That ain't how it works. You just gave me a Cody shot.

    Unknown: I did. I did.

    Natty Bumpercar: I mean, come on. You don't know how to un-jinx? I mean, I'm breaking all kinds of rules. I don't.

    Unknown: I don't.

    Natty Bumpercar: All you gotta do is say my name, bro. You just gotta say my name.

    Unknown: Oh, Aloysius?

    Natty Bumpercar: Ah, thank you.

    Unknown: Oh, yay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Papakaza, what are you pacing? You gotta be freaking out. No, it's not. No, I kept talking. You heard me keep talking. He doesn't know what's going on. He can't hear what's going on. Yeah. That's so funny. Circle, circle, dot, dot, dot. Now you got your Cody shot. That's a Cody shot. Yeah.

    Unknown: I know. Well, it's back to school. I want to make sure you got your shots up to date.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yes.

    Unknown: You don't want to get the swine flu.

    Natty Bumpercar: Look, okay. Wow, you came for paid. Holy cow. Yay. No. I'm very, I'm, I'm very well kept. Thank you so much. I do, I do know, I'm not, I do know somebody. I was in a conversation the other day and they're one of those anti-vax people.

    Unknown: Oh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Creeps me out, bro. Because like, as the person's talking to me, I'm shaking my head, nodding because I don't want them to attack me. And, um, every word, I'm just taking another step back, another step back, another, I don't want them to breathe on me.

    Unknown: Please. Don't get a little spittle on you because it could be a contagion.

    Natty Bumpercar: Keep, keep the giant. You got to have the grams to yourself, bro. I don't got no interest. You know, I got these babies up here. They, uh, they're Petri dishes. I know. Yeah. You got, you got kids?

    Unknown: I'm moving my kids to college because of that.

    Natty Bumpercar: Have collagen? How old are they?

    Unknown: No, they're going to college, pig.

    Natty Bumpercar: They eat collards? I love collard greens. Oh my God. I do too. Wait, do you really?

    Unknown: Yes, I do. But unfortunately, I don't eat meat because I'm a, um, pescatarian.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why is it? There's nothing unfortunate about that. You eat pescatarian? I mean, I should have given you those fish I freed. Oh, I'm sorry.

    Unknown: I know. I hope they weren't going to be cooked because you were at Hibachi.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, they were in, like, the thing, the water thing. The pond. Yeah. Do they do that? Can you go and point? I want that one. They're like, his name is Mori.

    Unknown: If they were liberated and they were, like, walking with their little fish, like, feet, their tail. Imagine if they wiggled over. God forbid.

    Natty Bumpercar: Real quick, fish, they don't walk. That's a baseline prime everything. They swim.

    Unknown: They do in Dr. Seuss.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, okay. That's true. I was reading a book tonight to one of the kids, and it was a Lego book, and it had a fish in it. Yeah. So the whole book is there's a parasailor and a windsurfer, sorry.

    Unknown: A parasailor? A parasailor is, like, two of them? No, just one sailor.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uno sailor. No, a Spanish sailor. You're from New Jersey, and you're going to poke fun at me? Your accent is thicker than pea soup, okay?

    Unknown: Poke the pig.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, it's not the name of this segment, for the record. For the record, ain't the name of this segment. So wait, hold on. I've got to finish. So he was a windsurfer, and he was too close to the rocks, and so they had to save him, right? That was the whole story. And the kid was freaked out because the last page, there's a little fish, and he's by the rocks. And he's like, what's going to happen to the fish? And I was like, bro, he's a fish, all right? He's cool. He's in the ocean. He's okay. And he's like, who's that? Who's that, your friend?

    Unknown: That's my dog, Yogi. He doesn't understand that I'm on a very important interview with Aloysius. I'm sorry.

    Natty Bumpercar: You probably ain't going to get the job, I'm just telling you, because dogs freak me out. But so I had to tell him. I was like, bro, fish can swim. So now you're throwing fish can walk into the whole equation. And I feel like it's going to confuse things.

    Unknown: Okay. Well, I'll keep my fish on a leash, and you can keep yours in a bucket of water.

    Natty Bumpercar: It don't make no sense. Don't even make – we record these interviews late, so people will be chilling. What are you doing right now?

    Unknown: Nothing. This is just me. I just worked an 11-hour workday, and this is what I was looking forward to at the end of my night.

    Natty Bumpercar: 11 hours?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Can I tell you what I did today?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: I woke up. I got out of bed. I had some breakfast. I went back to bed because I had to – the food had to – whatever it does. Digest? That's the word. I was thinking migrate, but that's not – the food did not migrate. Okay. It could have. It could have done a little migration. And then I went outside for a little bit, and I rolled around in the grass, right? Nice. And then I was hungry, so I had a little bit of lunch. I noshed a little bit, and then – What did you have for lunch? I had some pastries. Nice. Yeah, like a croissant and a corn cob with the corn taken away because I don't eat the corn. I just like the cob. And just a side of slop. I don't want a whole bowl because it's lunch. I don't want to overdo it. Yeah. But it was nice. What about yourself?

    Unknown: Oh, what did I have for lunch today? I had some fruit.

    Natty Bumpercar: You just had fruit?

    Unknown: Yeah. I really didn't eat a lot today. I had a little bit of sushi.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh. Really?

    Unknown: Yeah. It's called a sunshine roll.

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't understand why.

    Unknown: Because it's avocado and lemon.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait. Really? That sounds like a nice thing. Does it got the seaweed or the rice or the quinoa?

    Unknown: And rice. Rice. Oh, quinoa. Why? Do you know where to get that pig? Because I have to tell you. I would love to have quinoa sushi.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. We went. Sometimes we'll go to. Don't look down on me. But we will go to Whole Foods every so often. I love Whole Foods. They have the little pre-mades. And I've had a couple of times the quinoa. And it's pretty tasty.

    Unknown: I've got to try that.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's delish.

    Unknown: You say that so nice too. Quinoa. So many people, they butcher that name. They call it the quinoa.

    Natty Bumpercar: They do?

    Unknown: Yeah. It's like really crazy.

    Natty Bumpercar: No. So you worked 11 hours. What do you do? What do you do for 11 hours?

    Unknown: I do hair in a salon.

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't know what that means. What do you do hair? What does that mean?

    Unknown: Well, I cut hair. I color hair. I did somebody's hair. Actually, I did somebody's hair pink that it might have been very close to the color of you.

    Natty Bumpercar: Really?

    Unknown: Yeah. It was really pretty.

    Natty Bumpercar: Now what? Tell me the process. When somebody comes in and they go, hey, I was thinking of dyeing my hair pink like a pig. And you're like, bro, I got you settled here. Right?

    Unknown: I say like Aloysius pink. Yeah. Like porky pink. Oh, no. Like which pig are we matching?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I mean, I hope it's I had a licensing deal at one point, but I don't know if it felt true or not because I had never heard back from the people. But I'm hoping there's an Aloysius pink out there somewhere. They owe me money.

    Unknown: All right. Well, today, I think I might have nailed it. It was Aloysius pink.

    Natty Bumpercar: And and and so and do you what do you work in a salon?

    Unknown: And where I own a salon pig. Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: You what?

    Unknown: Yeah, I own it. It's mine.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're an SBO.

    Unknown: Small business owner. Yes.

    Natty Bumpercar: Look at look at me making up acronyms. And that was good.

    Unknown: I really I was like, did he just say smelly body odor or and I was like, he would never insult me like that.

    Natty Bumpercar: I would never.

    Unknown: You only insult Natty, which I will say, you know, he's really good to you now. Want to chill out. He gave you the color today.

    Natty Bumpercar: He didn't crawl.

    Unknown: Oh, no.

    Natty Bumpercar: He gave me a pastry. It was a whole lot of long. Oh, yeah. That's what it was. So wait. So you do what you own it. Yes. What's it? What's it called?

    Unknown: Oh, it's called Salon Gossip. It's in Bloomfield.

    Natty Bumpercar: The first part made sense. The second part ain't make no sense.

    Unknown: Why gossip? It means to talk. We talk.

    Natty Bumpercar: And did you just tell me what gossip means?

    Unknown: I thought my version of gossip is. But I also. I also walk by a fish on a beach.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no.

    Unknown: Gossip is not negative.

    Natty Bumpercar: Your telephone, you just turned into a robot person for a second thing.

    Unknown: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, there he was. There he is. Okay. Okay. I got worried.

    Unknown: I think it was the government. They come. They scramble my phone calls every once in a while because they know. They know I'm talking to you.

    Natty Bumpercar: You ever have, you know, pescatarian, do you ever have scrambled roe?

    Unknown: No. No. I've never had that.

    Natty Bumpercar: It sounds, sounds disgusting, doesn't it?

    Unknown: Yeah, it does. I don't even know what that is. Scrambled roe?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, roe, roe is fish eggs.

    Unknown: Oh, no, no, no.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, it sounds horrendous now that you know that.

    Unknown: I say no to roe. Yeah, no.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no to roe.

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: I like that. And it almost, my brain almost went political, but I don't, I ain't.

    Unknown: Me too. Yeah, but I don't. We're not going to go there.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, but I don't do that on this show, so.

    Unknown: We're not going to wade in that water. Oh, my goodness. Goodness gracious.

    Natty Bumpercar: I was right there with you. I was right there with you. Do you work, do you work in this salon by yourself? Do you have friends?

    Unknown: I have friends. I have friends, and I.

    Natty Bumpercar: Now, wait, when you said that, why did it have a question mark at the end of it? That was very interesting.

    Unknown: Because it's really like this thing. It's kind of like everybody's a friend, but we all work together, so they're kind of employees. Wow. I don't know. It's so weird to say that.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, and you realize this is being recorded, so. Yeah. Let's not end any friendships or anything.

    Unknown: No way, man. No way.

    Natty Bumpercar: They like your family.

    Unknown: Yeah, they are like my family.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's exactly right. Especially since your daughters are all leaving you. See, I just got really mean.

    Unknown: I'm so sorry. Oh, that hurt.

    Natty Bumpercar: They're going to. Oh, my gosh. They're going to college. I know. Bumpercon, I've been talking a lot to, at the kids' daycare, one of the teachers, her daughter, who I've known forever, who babysits around here sometimes, is going to college. Yeah. And so we have similar conversations. There's a lot of raw nerves, a lot of sadness. I know.

    Unknown: It's pretty intense right now to see your kids, like, packing their stuff up, and I'm like, I'm going to be an empty nester. Do you know what that is, Aloysius?

    Natty Bumpercar: Not familiar. Does it have anything to do with birds?

    Unknown: Well, I think it's, like, where it came from, but it means that all of my little baby birds, i.e., my children, are leaving. They're leaving the nest.

    Natty Bumpercar: Now, wait. Are they, like, twinsies? Why are they leaving at the same time?

    Unknown: Well, one's a freshman. Aw. And one's a senior in college, and they're moving out. I don't know what I'm going to do.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're going to cry?

    Unknown: Yeah, I was crying today. I cried today. Oh, God.

    Natty Bumpercar: This is the first interview where we've had a guest on the Virgin TV. I cried on my last interview with a dude, and he got really, he was like, are you okay? And I was just like, I don't know. I don't know.

    Unknown: But, like, I was just, you could cry in front of me any time.

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't think it makes me a weaker pig, if I'm to be honest.

    Unknown: I don't think it does. I don't think so.

    Natty Bumpercar: I feel like people look at it, and they're like, that's a pig who's tight with himself, you know?

    Unknown: Yeah. Yeah. You got to be good with your inner self.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, like, when they leave, what are you going to do with the extra time? Do you have stuff that you do for funsies?

    Unknown: Yeah, I do a lot of comedy, and I do, I love to do things like fundraisers, and I like to raise money for different causes.

    Natty Bumpercar: Like, what, like, fun, fundraiser? Like, you go, like, runs, like a 5K?

    Unknown: Well, I actually, no, no, no. That's really funny that you say that.

    Natty Bumpercar: How is it, though? I don't know.

    Unknown: That was ironic, because I won't run a 5K, because I don't really want to, I don't like to run. I mean, if there's a bad guy chasing me, I'll do what I need to do. But as far as, like, running, like, put a number on my chest, and, like, run, like, and then go for a finish line, that's not my style. So.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I think Donna runs as a mouth. Hey-oh! Sorry.

    Unknown: Aloysius. I know, I know. I get a little bit. Who's getting frisky?

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, I get, I get, what happens is the later the night goes, the longer the interview, I get sleepier, and the sleepier I get, the crankier I get. So watch out, all right? I'm just warning you.

    Unknown: No, don't get cranky.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, I ain't gonna get cranks.

    Unknown: Okay. Well, no, I don't like to run those, but I do like to have fund raisers, but I put the fun in fund raisers. That's amazing. Ew.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's so gross, right? But that's what I do with my comedy.

    Unknown: Hold on.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm shifting in my seat. That made me uncomfortable. Oh, that's so funny. She puts the fun in fun in fun.

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: This is good. Okay. Wow. No, so that, no, I'm totally messing with you. That's a beautiful thing. I mean, that's one of our favorite things is anytime we do shows, if it's a fundraiser, because, you know, in theory, the audience is there. They're there to support something, and in theory, they're there to have fun. Right. And, you know, it's a different level from going to a show and just telling jokes versus people getting something out of it, you know? Yeah. They're having a fun time, whatever, best night of their lives, but you're actually helping people, too, which is beautiful, I think.

    Unknown: Yeah. Yeah, I have a big one that I'm planning. I just got the A-okay for it, actually. A-okay? Yeah. A-okay. Yeah, I don't know if you want to hear about it, but I can tell you.

    Natty Bumpercar: Nah, I'm good. You know, I like talking about the fish. No, I'm kidding. Yeah, of course. Tell me about it.

    Unknown: So, there's this really amazing place I went and I took a tour of on Monday. The moon? No, not the moon. I wish. That would be amazing. Can you imagine? Yeah, it was amazing. I mean, there's an eclipse coming up. Do you know that?

    Natty Bumpercar: What's an eclipse?

    Unknown: An eclipse is when the moon is…

    Natty Bumpercar: Is that what you do? Is that when you cut people's hair at night?

    Unknown: Yeah. Yes.

    Natty Bumpercar: You use your eclipse.

    Unknown: I use my eclipse. Yes, exactly. Actually, it's like when the moon crosses the path of the sun and it blocks it.

    Natty Bumpercar: The moon crosses the path. Oh, it sounds like science.

    Unknown: Okay, so do you ever go to the movies and somebody is annoying and gets in your way and they get their head in front of the screen and you can't see the movie for a second?

    Natty Bumpercar: You lost me. Hold on. I meant, okay. I like the scenario you were building. So I'm at the movies.

    Unknown: You're at the movies, right? And I think you and I are probably similar in height. We're both kind of short when we sit down.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I barely… Yeah. One time the seat actually folded back up on me and I fell down the row.

    Unknown: Now, do I have… I get it.

    Natty Bumpercar: What I have to do is I have to bite a big tub of popcorn and sit in the seat next to me to keep the seat down. It's good.

    Unknown: That's awesome. So you're a buttered little pig. Oh, I love that.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. And then I just slide home. It's… That's great. That's awesome. And then I get a stomachache, if I'm to be honest. Whatever they put in that butter ain't butter, butter, you know?

    Unknown: No, it's not.

    Natty Bumpercar: It does not taste good.

    Unknown: No. Wait, no. I'm sorry.

    Natty Bumpercar: It does taste good, but it doesn't feel good. That's what I was trying to say.

    Unknown: No. No, that's not good.

    Natty Bumpercar: So I apologize. I got…

    Unknown: Not good for your cholesterol either, pig.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, my numbers are off the charts. I'm not even going to lie to you. Here's the thing. Bumper car, he has me on his insurance. I think it's like a PPO or whatever it is. And we… I go, you know, for my yearly physicals, and they… It's not looking good, is all I'm saying. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. They said I got to cut back on… Sometimes I'll just open a bottle of Wesson oil and drink it, because I just think it tastes good. No, but it's good. It's an old world recipe. It's called… Grease pig? It's called… I was going to call it oily pig, but grease pig sounds better.

    Unknown: Grease pig?

    Natty Bumpercar: Grease lightning, whatever it is.

    Unknown: Yeah. Well, I'm sure it's like grease lightning. I'm sure that… Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: The… All right, so you didn't go to the moon. No. And there's eclipse and moon. Okay, so tell me about the cool place you went, and I won't interrupt you. I almost promise.

    Unknown: Yeah, I almost promise I won't interrupt myself, because I have, like, focus issues, okay?

    Natty Bumpercar: So… Do you need glasses?

    Unknown: I do. I wear contacts.

    Natty Bumpercar: Have you ever taken something called Focus Factor?

    Unknown: No, what is that?

    Natty Bumpercar: So, in college, Bumper Guy used to go… There were these vitamins, and each bottle was, like, full. It was $40, and it was called Focus Factor, because somebody was just like, you should take these. And I don't know. I think they were full of Ginkgo Bilboa and other things like that, and I don't know what

    Unknown: Wow. Is that Rocky Bilboa's brother?

    Natty Bumpercar: Ginkgo? I think that's his adopted Asian brother. It could be. I mean, I don't know. Like Yoko Ono, Ginkgo Biloba? I don't know why Yoko Ono is in this all of a sudden. Wow, you're as tangential as Pig is. This is the first interview where I've been the one… I've been the straight man, where I've been the one who's like, let's get this shit back on the tracks. Let's reign it in. Let's pull it back.

    Unknown: This is, like, the highlight of my day. I have been waiting for this all day. I'm sorry, Pig. I'm just a little excited.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, hold on. You're telling me that working 11 hours in a mine wasn't the high point of your day? This is it. Okay.

    Unknown: This is it.

    Natty Bumpercar: Seriously. This is a pretty low bar, is what I'm telling you. Like, if you were like, hey, I bought a car today, and I had a cannoli, and then this was the best thing, then I'd be like, oh, that's good competition.

    Unknown: Well, I did just share a Magnolia's cupcake, and that was pretty cool, because I didn't have to drive into the city to get it.

    Natty Bumpercar: What kind?

    Unknown: I had vanilla vanilla. I love vanilla vanilla. Come on, that's my favorite kind. I know, me too.

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't want no chocolate near my… It's just like a yellow cake, and it's white frosting. And it's all I want. And back off. Don't call me basic, because it's what it is. It's perfect.

    Unknown: Perfect. And I take the bottom of the cupcake, and I take it in half, and I put it on top and make it like a sandwich, so I can even cake to icing ratio.

    Natty Bumpercar: And you split this? Yes. I mean, I would have tackled the person who brought it in, and then I would have probably eaten the whole thing as I was standing on them, because that's… You got to understand, that's a magical thing, that kind of cupcake. I know.

    Unknown: Oh, I know.

    Natty Bumpercar: I haven't been a magnolia in a long time.

    Unknown: Well, I promise you, if I ever get another interview or I get to meet you in person, I will bring you a cupcake.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, the first one, kind of doubtful at this point. The second one, though, you never know, right? I could be wandering around Bloomfield. Bloomfield? Bloomfield? Is that what it's called?

    Unknown: Bloomfield. Bloomfield.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, is that because there's so many flowers there?

    Unknown: Oh, that's a good question.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you ever… You should probably call it Boomfield. It's more fun that way.

    Unknown: Boomfield. Yeah, like, boom!

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm doing doom down in Bloomfield. I like that. I keep it real down in the Bloomfield. Yeah. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. Tell me about your thing. I want to hear about it.

    Unknown: Okay, okay. So, I went on Monday to this place in New Jersey, which I have to keep it undisclosed because it's, like, for the safety of the children, but it's called Camp Fatima. Fatima. F-A-T-I-M-A. All right. And it's New Jersey's only all-volunteer camp for children with disabilities.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, that sounds amazing.

    Unknown: I know. And they just are celebrating their 50th anniversary. Five-zero? Five-zero of providing service to, like, all these kids. And it's amazing because you want to know what? I want to know. It's not funded by the government.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, I… They get all their money.

    Unknown: They get all their money. They get all their money from volunteers. Wow. Yeah, people that donate. And I went, Pig, and it was amazing because there's kids from ages 5 to 21. All right. And they have all different kinds of disabilities from autism to cerebral palsy. I mean, you know, it was just… It was amazing to see these kids enjoy music. I went with my friend, Michael Murphy, who is a musician. Michael Murphy. And, yeah, he's a really talented singer. And he plays the guitar. And we went up there to bring the kids some joy. And just… It was… It was unbelievable. So… Wow. I went… Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: And so is it, like, only during the summer or is it all year round?

    Unknown: Well, they do two-week programs. They do two weeks in the summer. So your child would have to sign up or apply for… It's one week at a time. And then they have four weekends throughout the year. But this is what's really interesting and cool. There's… Each of the kids that go up, they have a five-year program. There's a file that's written about them. And in the file, it's, like, their parents, you know, mom pig, dad pig. And they're, like, nurse pig. Let's just say so that you can understand it. I understand.

    Natty Bumpercar: All right. Thank you. Just want to speak in your terms. Thank you for breaking it down for me. I appreciate that.

    Unknown: Well, you know, I know you stay in that yard over there, bumper cars. You don't get out much, so… I got a sty.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Unknown: I know. And I heard it's a pig sty. But so they get together, they collaborate, and they put together… They write a file for each of the kids. And then a camp counselor on Saturday receives a file for a child. They read about them. They learn about them. And then Sunday, when the child gets dropped off to camp, that's their buddy for the whole week. Wow. Yeah. So they have one-on-one counselors for each of the kids, like, for the whole week. Wow. So what they do, it's incredible. It's very moving. What they do is they make it like a camp that would be for kids without disabilities. So they have arts and crafts. They have music. They have entertainment. So we were there as the entertainment that day. As you can tell, quite entertaining.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. All right.

    Unknown: But I love this one place, see, because I have issues myself with, like, focusing, as you could tell. And sometimes, like…

    Natty Bumpercar: I didn't pick up on that at all.

    Unknown: Well, that's okay. Well, thank you. I appreciate the fact that you didn't notice that. So they have all these… They have, like, really cool things for these kids that maybe they wouldn't get at home. But it's really neat, too, because it gives the parents an opportunity to have a little bit of respite without it seeming like they're just, you know, running away from the fact that it is challenging when you have, you know, a child with a disability. It's a really rough thing to even say and articulate because it sounds kind of rough for me to say because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but it's the truth.

    Natty Bumpercar: I mean, having kids in general. And one of Bumper Guy's kids has been at the grandparents all week. And they switched off. And two weeks ago, they took the little one. And this week, they took the less little one. And as a parent, it don't matter, you know, who your kid is. Every so often, it's nice to have a little break, a little breather. Yeah. And it's especially wonderful if the kids are at a camp where they can experience all these awesome things. Yeah. So, like, do they stay there over… Is it overnight days? Yeah.

    Unknown: It's one… Like, the one… For the summer, it's an overnight experience for the entire week. And each day… This is what's so cool. Each day is, like, they do a theme week. So, the theme week that I was there for was… Oh, my gosh. What the heck is the name of it? We're off to see the Wizard of Oz. So, it was Wizard of Oz. So, all the decorations were Wizard of Oz around the camp. But then each day, they do a different holiday. So, I was there on Halloween, which the people did not tell me because they knew I would dress up. And they didn't want me to be scared. Pretty funny. So, whatever. And then the next day was Valentine's Day. So, my birthday… Yeah. My birthday is February 13th. So, I was like… So, basically, it's my birthday today, which is why I felt really good about being there.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, you made it about yourself. I'm just kidding. No, no, no. I'm just kidding. No, no, no. Hey, everybody. Look at me. My birthday. All right. Look at me. All right.

    Unknown: Well, I felt the gift was that I got to spend it with a kid's pig. You don't have to be such a sassy, Pam. I'm a little sassy.

    Natty Bumpercar: A little sassy.

    Unknown: You are. Stop it. Okay? So, you're like spicy pork right now. Oh, wow. So, what happened… Wait. So, listen to this one. I love this. So, they help the kids make gifts in the craft little area. Uh-huh. And Friday, at the end of camp, it's Christmas. And they have Christmas. So, the kids get to, like, give each other gifts.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, like, the whole… That week sounds insane. It sounds like Nightmare Before Christmas, where you got, like, oh, look, there's Valentine's Day. There's Halloween Day. There's… There's… There's Christmas. And it's all in the same week?

    Unknown: Yes, because these kids sometimes don't really get to experience it with friends in school because they have disabilities at different levels. So, some of them might not get to, you know… You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, remember Pig when you were little and you went to, like, pig school?

    Natty Bumpercar: Little pig school. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

    Unknown: Yeah. Right? So, you got to have all those fun, like, holidays with your friends.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Unknown: Right.

    Natty Bumpercar: And they don't get to experience it.

    Unknown: No. So, they make it happen for these kids. And everything is… Like, volunteerism and everything is donations. So, like, cray paper and crayons and paint. It's, like, people donate to… I know they have, like, an Amazon wish list. I cannot wait to help these people out because we're… So, I'm going to do a comedy show.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, that sounds amazing.

    Unknown: I'm going to produce a comedy show. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but you know what? I'm going to learn and I'm going to make it happen for them because it's important to me because that's what I know. I'm not running a 5K. I love these kids. And it's not like they're less than for anybody. No one's getting me to run. It's just I'm not doing it.

    Natty Bumpercar: You should probably… It sounds like you should involve cupcakes because that sounds like it's something up your wheelhouse. Yeah. Cupcakes. Cupcakes and comedy.

    Unknown: And comedy. Cupcakes and comedy. Oh, my gosh. Pig, you might have just helped me name it.

    Natty Bumpercar: Thank you. You're welcome.

    Unknown: You're amazing. I'm great. And you know what? You know what's more amazing? We could do, like, a bake sale. Yeah. To help raise money for the car. I think you just totally helped me. I hope it's okay if I take that idea. Hold on. I'll give you credit.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Bubba Kai's saying yes. He's nodding yes. You're allowed to.

    Unknown: Hey, that's so exciting, Aloysius.

    Natty Bumpercar: Bubba Kai's also saying he would love anything he could do to help at all. Oh, he's the best. Because just hearing about the kids, you know, close to my heart, it makes me melt a little bit.

    Unknown: Oh, thanks, Pig. Tell him I said thank you.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, I don't want to make, he's, no. He's emotional? I might tell him later. He's a little bit emotional. So, hold on. I got to pull it back a little bit because I got to go to bed soon. You understand? Okay. So, that's a beautiful thing. And when you find out more about it, you're going to tell us about it so that we can promote it more. Obzy. Obzy? You know who I stole Obzy from? Who? You're who? Jackie Byrne.

    Unknown: Oh, my God. Isn't she awesome? Isn't she awesome? Isn't she awesome? Isn't she awesome?

    Natty Bumpercar: She's phenomenal. She is phenomenal. Obzy. And who is, oh, and so, okay, real quick before we wrap. Yeah. You cut A, you do comedy, you got kids going to college, you do wonderful benefits. What is your favorite part of The Wizard of Oz?

    Unknown: Ooh, good question.

    Natty Bumpercar: Because you were just talking about it and it made me think.

    Unknown: My favorite part of The Wizard of Oz.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to put too much pressure. That's a lot of pressure. So, what was the first bit that popped into your head?

    Unknown: I love the scarecrow. I'm a big fan of the scarecrow.

    Natty Bumpercar: You can go this way, you can go that way.

    Unknown: Yeah, I love the scarecrow.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I can't imagine why. I do, I can't.

    Unknown: I think I identify. Oh, interesting.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wow, this is like a therapy session all of a sudden.

    Unknown: Well, you know, it's funny. That's probably why you and I get along because, you know what, pigs love bales of hay. And I'm stuffed with hay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, so you got back to being weird again. I like how we came full circle. I feel like being from New Jersey, it's more like you're stuffed with hay.

    Unknown: Hay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Like that.

    Unknown: But you know what? Pig, you know it's funny that you're calling me weird, but you, Aloysius, are a pig that does a podcast.

    Natty Bumpercar: What? It's got alliteration. Pig podcast. Podcast pig. Yes. Yeah, that's true. Ain't nothing strange about that, girl.

    Unknown: No, it's… No, ain't no hollaback, girl.

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't know what just happened. He started singing. You literally, you just, in the middle of an interview, you were just like, I'm going to sing some Gwen. Anybody okay with that? All right. Here we go. It's Stefani time. Here we go.

    Unknown: It's like I have musical Tourette's or something.

    Natty Bumpercar: A little bit like that. A little bit like that. A little tiny bit like that.

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, okay. All right. You're going to… Oh, you're going to give me links? Yeah. Did you have fun? I hope you had fun on the concert.

    Unknown: I had the best time. I can't believe this. This was so much fun.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, that's amazing. I look forward to meeting you in public, and I'm assuming that you're just always on hand going to have the perfect cupcake, because if I walk into you and you ain't got one, we're going to have problems as well.

    Unknown: No matter what cupcake, I'm going to teach you the proper way to eat a cupcake.

    Natty Bumpercar: Girl, I'm a pig. I know a proper way to eat, okay? It was bred into me. It's what I am. It's what I do. I eat. Trust me.

    Unknown: When's your birthday? Do you have a birthday, Aloysius?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. It was evidently in July, because somebody brought it up, and now I don't even remember. Do you remember it? Was it at the end of July? I think it was beginning of July. I don't know, but somebody on the internet was just like, hey, it's your birthday, pig. Bupka missed it. And I was just like, wait. I missed my birthday, too. So it's fine. I'm a happy go lucky pig. Don't make me get emotional, okay? I'm sorry. Yeah.

    Unknown: I was going to say, because I would get you a cupcake for your birthday, and now I have to wait a while.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. So I think my birthday is August 12th. That's amazing. I love that. That gives you two days to pony up with a cupcake. No, I'm just kidding.

    Unknown: That's amazing. Tell me where to send it, and I will send you a cupcake.

    Natty Bumpercar: You send it to headquarters. Pigo Box. Pigo Box is good. I'm going to give you. You scored a lot of points. If this was at midnight, you would really be racking up points right now. I'm going to tell you. Pigo Box is amazing. Holy cow. Wow. You're really hogging the spotlight on my show is what you're doing, all right?

    Unknown: Oh, my gosh. I'm sorry.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're hamming it up a little too much.

    Unknown: I am totally sorry. I am totally hamming it up.

    Natty Bumpercar: All right. So I got to go.

    Unknown: You're going to be baking me to come back on your show.

    Natty Bumpercar: She's still going. I'm trying to run out of here, and she's still going.

    Unknown: Oh, it's so funny. Wow. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

    Natty Bumpercar: All the way home? Is that what you're doing?

    Unknown: That's what's going to happen.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, my goodness.

    Unknown: I'm going to put a little squiggly pigtail on the back of my beetle. I'm going to make it a pig beetle.

    Natty Bumpercar: A pig beetle? A beetle? A beetle pig. A beetle pig. I was going to tell you. I was supposed to tell you, but then I swear I've got to go. When I got, I went to a salon, not salon gossip, but I went to a salon, and I got my hair cut one day, and she was trimming, and then she's like, I'm just going to trim this, and I was like, that's fine. She nipped the end of my tail off, all right?

    Unknown: Oh, my gosh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, she thought it was like, hey, I don't know what she thought, but nip, squeal, all right? I did not. That's terrible. I did not tip, and I will not be going back, and they got a poor young-

    Unknown: She already got her tip. Tip of your tail. Oh, my God.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fine. All right. On that, ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank Donna so much for coming on the show and for doing such great things. Thank you so much for having me. And you have a great night, and don't work 11 hours. That's too many hours, all right?

    Unknown: I'm going to go count pigs tonight instead of sheep, just in honor of you.

    Natty Bumpercar: In your sleep? Really? That's going to put you to bed? No. Don't count pigs, because you know what that does?

    Unknown: What?

    Natty Bumpercar: It makes you hungry, so don't do it. That's not good. Actually, it wouldn't make you hungry, because you're a pescatarian. Exactly. If it don't count pig fish, or else you'll get hungry, I suppose. Pig fish. Okay. Send over your avails. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. That's a different conversation. Okay. But thank you so much.

    Unknown: Thank you, Aloysius.

    Natty Bumpercar: I hope to talk to you again soon. This was a blast. Thank you so much.

    Unknown: Thank you. Tell Natty I said goodnight.

    Natty Bumpercar: All right. All right. All right. Natty. Blah, blah, blah. All right. And click. Thank you so much, Pig. Thank you so much, Donna. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Like, seriously, Donna's had me on a lot of shows, and a lot of them are benefits. And I did one fairly recently, and this story was heartbreaking. And the mom that we were helping gave her story of her son, and I don't want to go into it because this is the Bumper Podcast, but it was a beautiful story, and she made me cry, and she made me come home and hug my kids. And I do that anyway. I do it as much as I can, and I feel like you should do that, too. I make fun of having kids. And I kind of try to poo-poo it and say, oh, it's terrible. And it is rough. It's hard. Being a parent is very difficult. Life is very difficult. But there's, you know, I get stuff from my kids that I can't get anywhere else. I looked on Amazon. I looked in boxes. I looked in bags. I looked in barrels. And whatever my kids give me, they don't sell there. No, but, you know, it's, you come home, and last night I was even, I looked in on the I looked on the boys when I got home, and I was about to go to bed, and just, just watching them sleep. Just, they're silent, but they're there, and you made them, and they hold your heart, and they hold your, their everything. They are my everything. And the funny thing is, is like, I'm saying this right now, but on the flip of a switch, if one of, if I hear an explosion upstairs, I will start screaming like I've never screamed ever. Um, so there's this, there's this crazy dichotomy is what I'm saying, but, so I was talking to this mom, and she, you know, she brought me to tears, and kind of like the camp that Donna was just talking about. Like, that's a beautiful thing. You gotta help people. People need help. Life is hard. The world is tough. You gotta take care of each other. I've said this before in other Bumper Podcasts, and I know it gets contentious sometimes when Pig or, uh, Rufus shows up, and especially when Robot shows up. Uh, but everybody here loves each other. In the end, we all love each other. We fight like a family, and you know why you fight like a family? You know what that's about? It's because you're all stuck in the same small area together for years and years and years. You see each other every day. There's no break. So you fight like a family. A crazy family. That's what we fight like. But it doesn't matter, because in the end, you love each other. I have friends like that. In comedy. These, friends that, like. I don't, haven't had this, this, this type of friendship that I can ever remember. Where I fight with them. I yell at them. I, we, we don't say nice things. We take, and then we come back and we're best, we're pals again. It's kind of, it's kind of fun. They have different viewpoints. I try to listen to them. I try to counter them. I, I feel like that broadens my depth of perception of the world. By listening, even to stuff that I don't like. Then it, it helps me to see things in a different light. And to react to things. Because then I, I'm more aware, more cognizant that things are out there. I think it's important to listen. I don't think it's, you have to, you know, take things in. But it's, I think you can listen and then disseminate. Take things with a grain of salt. Take what you want. Get rid of the rest. Whatever. I did that a lot in school. Speaking of taking things. We have a call this week. Another call. Same person. She's doing a great job. She's three for three. Let's see what she's got.

    Unknown: Hey, Maddie Bumpacar. My question to you is. How has your life changed since she started doing pig as puppeteering?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, okay. You're welcome. No, thank you. Seriously, the calls. The calls. The calls are great. So how has my life changed since I started. I'm going to reinterpret the question as hanging out with pig. Uh, because last time he got kind of offended. I didn't, I didn't get offended. I'm here. I'm still here. I'm right here, bro. I'm in the studio. You can, you're looking at me and you're talking about me. I think it's third person. Might be fourth person. I don't even know how many persons is a person. I don't, I'm a pig. All right. Anyway. What is she talking about? How did my life change when I met you? Straight down hell. Right down the tubes. Right down the tracks. Right to the bottom. Right to the base. Where we at? You're going to see your face like that. Uh oh. I think we got somebody coming downstairs. I think we're going to have to answer the call in just a second. Who's here? Oh, it's Ollie. Hold on. Come here, Ollie. Where you at? You want to be on the, you want to be on the show? Oh, okay. So this is, uh, Oliver. You want to say hi? Hi. Hi. You want to listen to the thing? Yeah. Okay. Ollie, uh, we're doing a phone call. How, what, here was her question. How did your life change when you met Aloysius? J-Pig.

    Unknown: I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: You don't know? Did your life get better or did it get worse?

    Unknown: Um, worse, I think. You think it got worse when you met Pig? Holy cannoli.

    Natty Bumpercar: I just said, I think. Oh, but it still hurt my feelings a tiny bit, right? Okay.

    Unknown: I'm going to, I'm going to cry. Don't even cry. Why are you even doing this? You're annoying. You're annoying me. I'm annoying you?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. All right, hold on. Hold on a second. Papa Kai, come here. You take this kid. Hey, buddy. What are you doing? Were you talking to Pig?

    Unknown: I think.

    Natty Bumpercar: You think you were talking to Pig? Yeah. You're not, you're not sure, though?

    Unknown: I think I was talking to Piggy.

    Natty Bumpercar: Now, where do you going to be at? Where are you at next week? Somewhere far away.

    Unknown: I'm going to talk.

    Natty Bumpercar: Huh?

    Unknown: Like, wait, wait, wait, what is it again, Dad?

    Natty Bumpercar: You want me to whisper it to you? You want me to tell you a secret? Yeah. Okay.

    Unknown: What is it you're going to tell me? It's Cape Cod.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. What are we going to do there?

    Unknown: Um, I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: What do we do at Cape Cod? What's there?

    Unknown: Um, we go to the beach.

    Natty Bumpercar: We go to the beach?

    Unknown: Mm-hmm.

    Natty Bumpercar: That sounds fun. Who's going to be there? Fun people?

    Unknown: Yeah, all our cousins.

    Natty Bumpercar: A lot of our cousins. That's right. There's so many of them, right?

    Unknown: Except for Keegan and Cameron.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. We don't have our Keegan and Cameron. I'm so sad. We also, we don't have a lot of our cousins. I mean, there's a lot of them that aren't there, but there's a lot of them that are. What? Are you going to have fun?

    Unknown: Yeah. I think so.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh, no. Are you afraid of the drive?

    Unknown: Nope.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you remember how long the drive took?

    Unknown: Uh, I don't know. Okay. I think I should put them.

    Natty Bumpercar: You want to put them back on?

    Unknown: Uh-huh. Okay. There you go.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh, the drive took five and a half hours.

    Unknown: Five and a half? That's, I want to do five and a half.

    Natty Bumpercar: Five, so there's 60 minutes in an hour. So, if you take five hours and you multiply it by six, then that means you have, so it's 300 minutes. Ah. So, it's, then another half hour. So, it's 330 minutes. 330 minutes. Does that sound right? Does it feel right? It is right.

    Unknown: Until I do it again.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh, no. We don't want you to touch that. Remember how you? We're messing around with this and you broke that.

    Unknown: Oh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Yeah. I don't want to do this again. No.

    Unknown: Stop laughing.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Unknown: Can you just stop laughing?

    Natty Bumpercar: You want me to stop laughing forever?

    Unknown: Yes.

    Natty Bumpercar: But won't I be like a sad daddy at that point?

    Unknown: I think no.

    Natty Bumpercar: You think no? You think not no? Did you eat your breakfast? I think we should go to school soon, don't you think?

    Unknown: Oh, my goodness. Yes.

    Natty Bumpercar: Not school. For you, it's camp. Or it's pre-K. What is it?

    Unknown: Pre-K.

    Natty Bumpercar: Pre-K all day. All day. Come on, everybody. Pre-K. Can you stop saying that? I'm singing a song. You won't let me laugh. You won't let me sing. You won't let me have any fun at all. What are you? A listener of the Bumper Podcast? Waka waka. Just kidding.

    Unknown: I think this is good.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you want to go upstairs? Are you done?

    Unknown: No. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Are you going to show me something?

    Natty Bumpercar: Are you going to show me something? No. All right. Well, I think what we should do while Ollie goes and shows me something is say goodbye to everybody. Can you say goodbye, Bumper Podcast?

    Unknown: Bye, Bumper Podcast.

    Natty Bumpercar: Can you say thanks, Donna, for being on the show? What? Say thanks, Donna.

    Unknown: Thanks, Donna.

    Natty Bumpercar: For being on the show.

    Unknown: For being on the show.

    Natty Bumpercar: All right, everybody. Thank you so much. Hugs and hearts. Hugs and hearts. Go help somebody today.

    Unknown: Go help somebody today.

  • Bumperpodcast #300 – Finally!

    Bumperpodcast #300 – Finally!

    There is an interview. There is a review. There is excitement. It’s our 300th episode!

    I’ve been working on this podcast for over 100 years – not just this episode – but all of the episodes – and, I’ve loved every second of it. Even when my kids broke my wind screen – and when Pig tried to sell the rights to the show to a lawyer. It’s all been a blast. Thanks – so much for listening – and keep on listening for another hundred years!!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    Can you believe it at all? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Oh – and – our special guest this week is Adam Lucidi!

    Go to these places to find Adam:

    Periscope: https://www.periscope.tv/adamlucidi
    Twitter: https://twitter.com/adamlucidi
    Instagram: http://instagram.com/adamlucidi
    Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/muttley738
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    About This Episode

    Natty Bumpercar celebrates the milestone 300th episode of the Bumperpodcast with mixed emotions when his entire team abandons him for the beach. Flying solo for most of the episode, Natty kicks things off with energy before handing the mic to Aloysius J. Pig, who interviews comedian Adam Lucidi. The conversation hilariously spirals through Pokemon trivia, sandwich debates, casting call roleplay, and Adam's upcoming move. Natty debuts a new "Reviews" segment where he enthusiastically reviews an unopened iPad Pro box, savoring the anticipation rather than actually using the product. Just when it seems the celebration is a bust, Rufus T. Rufus and Producer surprise Natty at the end, though their late arrival doesn't quite save the underwhelming milestone party.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You would think this is the 300th episode that there would be loads of characters… But guess what, people? Ain't nobody showing up here today. They all went to the beach.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You're a monster to dissect a sandwich like that. What does it say? Bro, it's a salad at that point.”

    — Aloysius J. Pig

    “I'm not going to open it, because I just want to review the experience of holding this box. It's magical. It feels expensive.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #milestoneepisode #pokemon #comedy #friendship #food #technology #interviews

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Rufus T. Rufus

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: are you looking for premium content of course you are we'll look no further than sockcoprocks.com that's right sockcoprocks.com go and have fun with all of his antics all of his shenanigans what's the animal of the day i don't know but you'll find out if you go also find them on periscope and on the twitters at jason burglar and don't forget to mention that you heard it first here on the bumper podcast welcome to the bumper podcast ladies and gentlemen my name is natty bumper car this is the 300th episode of my show the bumper podcast i am blown away at how excited i am i am freaking out at how excited i am i can't even believe that there are 300 of these at this point i can't believe that on the 300th episode we have a new logo i cannot believe that we started off with a commercial for my friend sock cop oh hello sock cop i see you over there doing your thing catching your speeders there's going to be an interview in this episode we have reviews of things in this episode i'm not going to give anything away i'm not going to give away any spoilers i clearly am very energetic i just woke up from a nap which makes me pretty happy um i'm overall i'm pretty happy i'm pretty happy i'm pretty happy i'm pretty happy i'm pretty happy overall i'm blown away it's been many weeks since the last uh episode of the bumper podcast and it's because i've been trying to figure out stuff i've been trying to you know toy with the music obviously there's some new music happening at this point honestly not a fan of it now that i'm listening to it i kind of miss the old music that's fine things can go back a little bit the way they were before you know what we take a few steps forward i don't care if we take a couple of steps back that's fine you would think This is the 300th episode that there would be loads of characters. Maybe Pig would show up. Maybe Producer would show up. Maybe Robot would show up. Maybe Rufus T. Rufus would show up. But guess what, people? Ain't nobody showing up here today. They all went to the beach. Everybody went to the beach without me, which is another reason why I'm sitting here recording this by myself. I'm fine with it. I'm actually excited by it because it means that I get to drive the ship that I initially made. Sounds like we've now gotten rid of the music completely. Okay, that's an… What is this? It's like on a weird random where they're just grabbing weird loops. Is there anybody in the booth right now? Like, who is running the music? It's just, I guess it's just doing it itself because it is dark in there. There is nothing happening in there. This is abominable, though. For a 300th episode, I was hoping for confetti. I was hoping… Honestly, if I'm to be honest, I like to be honest, and when I'm honest, I like to be honest. I was hoping for some sort of cake. Maybe, like, everybody was going to come in, surprise me, like, oh, hey, we got you a cake, and look, here's a bag of goodies. But that didn't happen. 300 episodes, and I feel like you probably know at this point, I certainly know at this point, that my team doesn't respect me. They don't, you know, care what I want. They don't care what I think, and that's fine. I completely understand that. That's… I was talking to my son the other day, and he got this weird, concerned look in his eye, and he just, he started shaking his head, and he's like, sometimes there's just too much, right? And I was like, you're seven. Don't you say sometimes there's just too much. Like, I know sometimes there's just too much, but I don't need my seven-year-old to start, you know, backing me up on that. A teacher at my kid's daycare the other day just said, you're going to break, right? And I was just like, ah, yeah, I might break. You know, like, sometimes I feel like I'm going to break. I'm not going to break. I feel like I'm feeling pretty good. I did just, again, wake up from a nap, because I was excited about the 300th episode. I feel like I used all my energy right at the beginning of the show, and now I'm kind of at a point where I'm a little bit low energy. I think what I might do, if you're okay with this, is I might kick it over to my friend and yours, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Aloysius J. Pig wrangled up. A good friend of mine, a comedian that you have heard on the show before. I talk about him often. Big fan of him. He recently went through some changes. That's all I'm going to say. I don't know if they talk about it in the interview. I haven't listened to it. What I do is I take the audio that I'm given, and then I plug it into the show, and then I look to see what people say about it. I can't be bothered to listen to it, because Pig, he says mean things about me sometimes, but he's a good friend of mine. He's going to say great things about his guest. I'm not going to spoil it, but I will let them get into it. Ladies and gentlemen, here is Aloysius J. Pig interviewing Mr. Adam Lucidi. I just gave it away. God, I'm so terrible at this. Man.

    Producer: Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know where he is. He's supposed to be interviewing somebody. It's me, producer, and I am sitting here just waiting. I think the guest is actually… I don't know the line, but I don't know, because I don't know how to work the machine. Piggy… Hey, get away from the… Okay. No, I said get away from the… Okay. Well, I'm sorry. I just was trying to be nice to the guest.

    Natty Bumpercar: Who is the… We have a guest? I thought we stopped doing that on the show. It was too much work. I don't actually like talking, but who's… Give me the sheet. Give me the sheet of paper.

    Unknown: Who is it?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, seriously? All right, fine. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, you know what? We… We probably had to stew it on a few times. I hope you ain't getting sick of him. I certainly ain't, because he's a hoot. He's a holler. Everybody loves him. Please give a warm… I know… What? They can't give a warm welcome? But, like, in the cars, wherever they listen to this. Nobody listens? Okay, perfect. Okay. Ladies and gentlemen, this is going to be big for his career. I can tell already. Give it up for the one, the only… Andrew Insidi! Is that what he said? No, it's not what it says. What does it say? Uh… Adam! Adam! Adam, my pal! We're going to cut all this, right? Perfect. Go ahead and start talking. Hey, Adam, how you doing?

    Unknown: I'm good, Pic. That was… Uh… I don't know if I should be, uh, upset or offended or happy or… No, no. Because I heard… I heard you say, you know, seriously? Like, you know, you didn't want me as a guest. You want me as a guest?

    Natty Bumpercar: I… Wait. You were supposed to be on mute. You're in the green room, and that's supposed to be a soundproof booth, so what are you talking about?

    Unknown: I don't… You need to… Yeah, you need to re-soundproof it.

    Natty Bumpercar: What part did… Did you… So you heard where I was all, like, excited that you was going to be on a show?

    Unknown: I heard you were excited, but then I also heard that you were, like, irritated. Yeah, okay. So I… I heard the two…

    Natty Bumpercar: Two feelings. That was a little bit of a… It was a test, because I was… I never got… I never got excited. I was… Oh. I know. And so you… You know, you passed… You passed the flying colors. You're a nice guy. Clearly too nice for this room, so it was great having you. And… What? We can't get rid of him? Okay. Well, then, you know what? We're going to keep talking to you. Tell me about yourself. What's your favorite food? What's your favorite color? Anyway, so what… How about the weather? I don't… I don't know what to talk about. No, seriously.

    Unknown: Tell me about yourself. Well, I mean, you know, I'm not Andrew Moomsidi, or, you know, that's… That's one thing about me. Is this the most aggressive I've ever…

    Natty Bumpercar: The most aggressive I've ever been with you?

    Unknown: I don't know. I think it is. Yeah. You… I feel like you… You've gone Hollywood or something on me. You're…

    Natty Bumpercar: You're too big for me now. Well, I just put the kids to bed, and they really get me into a stressful mood. I probably shouldn't interview people right after that, because I… They… I'm like, Bumper Cop, please don't make me put the babies to bed. And he's like, you know, do it. And I'm like, ugh. And then, you know, so I got a lot of… I'm wearing a lot of hats. I'm spinning a lot of plates. So your name's not Andrew. We know that already. You're the dude… You're the dude who eats food? Is that… Is that… What's your gig? I… I eat foods. I drink… I drink drinks. Oh. You're really multitasking there at the same time?

    Unknown: Yeah. Yeah. I breathe air. Oh. I see things. I hear things. Do you do stuff? I do so much stuff.

    Natty Bumpercar: Tell me one thing that you do, and that nobody knows about you. This is a little secret. It's just between you and me. Nobody's listening, probably.

    Unknown: No. Okay. I still play Pokemon Go. No. That… They shut that down a while ago, like months and months ago.

    Natty Bumpercar: No. It's still a thing. It still happens. I don't know. Hold on.

    Unknown: Hey, producer. Can you get the CEO of Niantic on the line?

    Natty Bumpercar: I want to see. You can't? Okay. This is actually our own line. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

    Unknown: Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

    Unknown: I mean, this was our only line, so we can't. Well, now I feel like you still dabble in Pokemon Go, because you remember the name of the business. I don't even know the name of the… I didn't know the name of the company.

    Natty Bumpercar: I was at a trade fair, and I got a temporary tattoo of Niantic, and I'm a pig, so I didn't shower that much, so it's still on there a little bit.

    Unknown: All right. Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, I'm just kidding. I mean, I dabble. You know, I dabble. Actually, tonight I found out. Do you know when Pokemon first started?

    Unknown: Wasn't it in, like, 97?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it was 96. That's very impressive. Okay. Now we're doing Pokemon trivia. Do you know who the first Pokemon was?

    Unknown: First? Well, in the Pokedex or, like, in the universe?

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm not talking Bulbasaur here, okay? I'm talking, it's a dude you're not going to know. You might know him. I mean, you might know his name.

    Unknown: Wasn't the first one Mew?

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm helping you out.

    Unknown: I didn't know if you were going to say Ro-Ro-Ro-Wrong or Ro-Ro-Ro-Right.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, this is how I get things out of my kids. Ro-Ro-Ro-Ro-Right-Right-Right-Right-Right-Right-On. It's Right-On.

    Unknown: He was the first. The first ever?

    Natty Bumpercar: That's what the internet told me tonight. The babies, they was like, we can't go to bed until you tell us who the first Pokemon was. And I was just like, oh, fine. And then they were like, ask Siri. Because they know how Siri works. And I was just like, dear Siri. Because that's how I address her.

    Unknown: So you're talking, are you talking, like, first one, like, created? Or, like, first one in existence? Like, what, I don't know. I don't know where you're going with Right-On. I don't think that that's accurate.

    Natty Bumpercar: Bro, I said to the dude, Ed, I was just like, tell me who the first Pokemon was. And it told me.

    Unknown: And it said Right-On. Yes. Not Rhyhorn. Rhyhorn comes before Right-On.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's not the number in the deck, bro. It's, it's, it's like, so, okay. Question. Question. Who is the first Pokemon? Quote. Anti-quote. In real life. If it's an anti-quote, then it's not real. Now you, now you're being aggressive.

    Unknown: I'm saying, I'm, I, you're saying, you know, anti-quote, that obviously means it's not real. I, I, I. Anti-quote means no.

    Natty Bumpercar: I, I, I feel like we didn't really get into your wheelhouse until we started talking about Pokemon. Because I feel like you think you know some things. When, in fact, you don't know. And I quote, my friend. In real life, the first Pokemon is not what appears in the Pokedex first, which we all know is Bulbasaur. Uh, or what legendary Pokemon is said to have created everything. I ain't sure who that is, if I'm to be honest. In fact, the first Pokemon ever designed in real life. It says real life here. The first monster. Did you know they was monsters? Yeah, pocket monsters.

    Unknown: Pokemon.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's where the name came from? Yeah. Oh, now see, I feel like I'm learning something, too.

    Unknown: There you go.

    Natty Bumpercar: I was just trying to make you feel better. I knew that. Uh, in fact, the first Pokemon ever designed in real life. The first monster written into the code of the original games. Dash. Is surprising. What's this word? Surprisingly ordinary. Period. It's Rhydon. And I close quote.

    Unknown: Huh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. That's what, that's what, that's what it says here.

    Unknown: And is it? I guess there's a circle right underneath it that says the first Pokemon ever created isn't what you think.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh-huh. See? Wait, what are you doing? You're Googling? Are you doing this now, too?

    Unknown: I'm Googling now. Because you got me concerned and interested.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, you don't believe me, is what it comes down, is what it boils down to.

    Unknown: I couldn't believe you.

    Natty Bumpercar: I know things. I have facts. I walk around the street and people are very impressed with me. They're like, that pig knows things.

    Unknown: That pig is going places. That pig knows that Rhydon is the first Pokemon.

    Natty Bumpercar: You know what? I bet by the time my head hits my hay pillow tonight, I'd probably forget it, if I'm to be honest.

    Unknown: I don't know. You're going to be all comfy in bed. And then all of a sudden, it's going to hit you. You're going to go, I can't Rhydon.

    Natty Bumpercar: I see. I'm going to look up. I want to see if I have a Rhydon in my Pokedex. Now we're literally just talking. Hey, what's up, Niantic? I like your little logo. It's right here on my ankle. Niantic. Oh, who is this? Oh, man. I don't know. I don't know what's happening. There's loading going on.

    Unknown: Oh, yeah. There's been a lot of updates.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I ain't launched in a long time. So, speaking of updates, why don't you give the crowd some updates about yourself? What's going on in your world? I heard you was getting rid of an air conditioner. I bet you regret that tonight, huh?

    Unknown: Well, I'm holding on to it until the last day that I have to be here.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, it's smart. That's smart.

    Unknown: Yeah, that's part of the deal. You know, the person can get it for free, but I get to hold on to it until the very last possible second.

    Natty Bumpercar: I like that idea. All right. Now, how do I play it? It's we've loaded. I'm pushing the ball. I'm pushing the Pokedex. I don't know how to find it, though.

    Unknown: I think he's like 100. No, maybe not. I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I think he's in 120s.

    Unknown: No. Yeah, because they did the update with, like, now there's the Generation 2 Pokemon.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. There's a whole big bunch of them.

    Unknown: Yeah. I can't.

    Natty Bumpercar: I can't. You know what?

    Unknown: There's ones where it says that, you know, Pikachu is an evolved form. So, yeah, I don't know. I only acknowledge one through 151.

    Natty Bumpercar: I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Did you know Bumpka in grade school, when he was in grade school, one of the projects he did is called 60 Second Pokemon. And what just happened? Was that your glass case that you're trying to sell? Ladies and gentlemen, if anyone wants to buy a glass display case, go to Edom's house.

    Unknown: I dropped my Pokedex.

    Natty Bumpercar: Your phone?

    Unknown: No, I have a real Pokedex. Huh? What the? Huh? They had that. They had that. It was a real Pokedex, and it had, like, a little screen on it. And it would, you know, you could look up all the different Pokemon. It would tell you about them and stuff like that. And it was shaped like the actual Pokedex.

    Natty Bumpercar: Really? Mm-hmm. Is your last name Ketchum? I wish. Andrew Ketchum. I think. What? What happened? Andrew Ketchum. Andrew Ketchum. That's my name.

    Unknown: I'm going to say your next comic, Andrew Ketchum.

    Natty Bumpercar: I switched it to Ketchup already. I already made it even funnier.

    Unknown: Oh, you switched it?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, you might have seen your next comic on Amazon Prime. Give it up for Andrew Ketchum. There he is. There he is. What did you eat for dinner tonight? I'm so hungry.

    Unknown: What did I eat? I had, like, a beef wellington kind of gimmick. It was some white rice with some beef tips.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, oh, well, hello, fancy man, huh? I had no idea. Somebody gets a girl, and all of a sudden, he's eating beef wellington. And he'll have a spot of Earl Grey as well, I suppose.

    Unknown: It's a quick little… You just, you know, put some rice in a pot, and then there's this thing you can get at Walmart or Acme, and it's the Hormel beef tips. You just pop it in the microwave for three minutes, mix the beef tips with the rice, boom, you got a nice little quick meal.

    Natty Bumpercar: Sounds like you got a very healthy meal. There's a lot of greens to it. There's a lot of… Sounds like a lot of vitamins and minerals. No, no, there's none. You're literally, you're just, you're not. You're not even trying.

    Unknown: It's colorblind. And so the, I mean, the beef tips could be green. I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: I assumed the white, the rice was white rice, bleached.

    Unknown: As far as I know, I'm colorblind. I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're colorblind?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you have, you trick, you pull my leg. You pull my leg, my hoof right off from under me.

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: I think I'm going to, I'm going to stop being people's personal trainer, so personal chef and whatnot. So maybe I'm going to, you want to hire me? I can, I can tell you how to eat food that you're not going to like to eat.

    Unknown: I mean, what kind of, what kind of dishes do you make? Have you heard of Brussels sprouts?

    Natty Bumpercar: Raw. Raw Brussels sprouts.

    Unknown: I don't know. Well, I don't know. Raw. I tried to put them in the oven once. They shrink. I didn't realize that they.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah, they're good. If you do, if you take Brussels sprouts, you put them in the oven, you quarter them, bing, bing, bing, cut the bottom off, you know, a little bit, and then quarter them, boom, boom, bing. And then you put them in the oven with maybe a little bit of garlic or whatever, some olive oil. Come on. What are you doing? Oh, oh, some red pepper, like, you know, like shake, like pizza pepper, whatever it's called, red pepper. Oh, it's so good. Oh. I didn't know that.

    Unknown: I don't know what you're talking about.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Oh, I cook. Oh, I'm, I'm a very culinary pig, you know? And if you leave them in there a long time, since, since they're quartered, sometimes they'll get like crispy.

    Unknown: Oh, it's so good. Yeah. I do like them a little crispy, but I didn't realize that they shrink so small. I didn't know that.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. They're tiny. You know why? Because they're full of water. Cause they're little plants. And so you put them in the oven, all the water evaporates. They get tiny. Huh? You're like, see you later. Mashed potato like that.

    Unknown: Yeah. Ooh, mashed potatoes. Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: See? Yeah. Potatoes are grot. Yum. Oh, this is pretty much any potatoes. I like potatoes. Here's what blows my mind about the kids here. Cause I cook for them sometimes. They're like, yeah, we want French fries. Yeah. We want chips. And that's it. They don't understand the beauty of the potato. It can go to anywhere. Right?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Mashed. Mashed. Utter. I don't know. Other. Tarts. Oh, they don't, they don't do tarts.

    Unknown: What?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I don't know.

    Unknown: Why do they not do tarts?

    Natty Bumpercar: Bro, they ain't, I mean, I ain't going to say nothing because this is bumper car show, but they ain't, I'm not very smart. You know, they're cute as buttons, but they're just, you're just like, you can put all the potatoes in the world in front of them and they'll be like, nope, none of that potato. That potato. Yeah. One potato. Yeah. Two potato. Yeah. Three potato.

    Unknown: They've been, they've been. They've been exposed to tarts. Have they not?

    Natty Bumpercar: Are you trying to, is that like a Dr. Seuss thing you're doing?

    Unknown: No, I'm just, I'm just, I guess it would be, but have they, they've experienced them before, right? They've been around them.

    Natty Bumpercar: Tarts and tarts. A lot. A lot. They eat them. No, they eat them. Not. Let's see what I just did. No. Yeah. They, they, we've tried. We bought a big bag of tarts and, uh, it's actually in the, it's, it's, it's called bag of tarts and they won't even do it.

    Unknown: Like a pillowcase.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. And they won't, they won't touch them. But I mean, sometimes, I mean, every so often they'll, they'll, they'll give it a shot, but really they, they, they fight it and they don't understand.

    Unknown: Yeah. That's bizarre. I thought all kids and man children love tarts.

    Natty Bumpercar: You thought all animals in the world love tater tots. Yeah. It's like you would walk into a Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head's dinner and they'd be eating a potato tart and you'd just be like, that makes sense. Yeah.

    Unknown: They would still be. Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: It makes sense. They, Pringles, of course they're going to eat tater tots. Ugh.

    Unknown: I'm kind of disappointed in the, the baby bumper cars.

    Natty Bumpercar: So that's what took, that's what it took to disappoint you. None of the stuff that I said last night on stage, that didn't, you were fine with that.

    Unknown: Yeah. All right. That's absolutely fine. No. But, ugh. Tater tots. The lack of tots is just mind boggling.

    Natty Bumpercar: Maybe it'll come back in. You know, it's maybe over the summer, maybe, because here's the thing, they have stages. So all of a sudden they'll just be like, you know what? I eat, uh, I eat fish now. Whatever. No, like they'll, what are they eating?

    Unknown: They just start their day by declaring things like that. I eat fish now.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yes. That's what they do. Like we, I go to, uh, Jersey Mike's a lot and I get sandwiches, sandwiches. And, uh, I get, uh, I forget what I get. It's delicious or whatever I get. And, uh, one day we went there like a few weeks in a row and Emerson was like, I want part of your sandwich. And I was like, whoa, bro, you sure? It's got all the, you know, and I was like, and he was like, let me take a bite. And he did. And I didn't tell him I was in it cause I didn't want to ruin him. So he, he, a couple of times he tried and he tried, he was like, I'm going to get me a sandwich. And I was like, okay. And he was like, but keep the onions off. And I was like, oh, he did know he did know there were onions. Okay. So he's figuring things out. Wow. So, but I was just out of the blue. He's just all of a sudden I was like, yeah, I'm gonna eat a sandwich. I was like, okay, who, who are you?

    Unknown: Yeah. What have you done with my kid?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. And here's the thing. If I put all this stuff that was on the sandwich in a bowl in front of him, it would walk away. It would be like, I'll eat the bread and that's about it.

    Unknown: Well, why would you, you're talking about taking a sandwich, dissecting a sandwich and putting it in a bowl.

    Natty Bumpercar: Deconstructed sandwich. Okay. Watch a little bit more food network. No, it'd be, it'd be terrible.

    Unknown: You're a monster to, to dissect a sandwich like that. What does it say?

    Natty Bumpercar: Bro, it's, it's a salad at that point.

    Unknown: What are you doing? I mean, who wants a, who wants a sandwich salad?

    Natty Bumpercar: Um, sounds like you just invented a new population. Pop-up stand at the mall, sandwich salad. Who wants it? Get in. Actually, I ate a sandwich today and the dude behind me, they were like, how can we help you, sir? And he went, I'll have a tossed salad. And they were like, huh? What do you mean? We turned, cause they do, they turn sandwiches into salads and they were like, which number would you like? And he was like a tossed salad, like angry that they weren't getting what he was saying. And it was, and so I just kind of stood back and watched the whole. Interaction.

    Unknown: Well, I mean, I, I guess you could have, like, now that I'm thinking about it, I guess you could have like an antipasto is like a, a sandwich, a sandwich salad.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. So, so maybe somebody is coming back around a little bit.

    Unknown: Cause you got the ham and the salami.

    Natty Bumpercar: Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh, uh, I heard, I heard cheese. Is that the only thing I heard there?

    Unknown: Salami.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. What's that one? I don't, um. Salami. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Bro. Turkey. A chicken. That's about it. That's all we're doing. All right. Maybe, maybe a grilled vegetable.

    Unknown: I just, I mean, I was just saying there's, there is ham in there.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why do you keep, why do you hate me? Is that what this is now? You're just being mean?

    Unknown: Why? Don't you have like a, a sensor butt? You can bleep that out later. Oh, that's true. A producer.

    Natty Bumpercar: Do the button thing.

    Producer: Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: He's still over there in the corner. He's upset from earlier. Um, so listen, you know what? We, I, this is fun. I gotta, but I gotta go. Cause. Was it, was it because I said ham too much? Yeah. I mean, it, well, if I'm to be honest, we're on the clock. Number one. Number two. I did feel like after you found my weak point, you kind of kept prodding it. You kind of kept poking it. Right.

    Unknown: I didn't even, you know, it was, it was an honest mistake.

    Natty Bumpercar: If I was just like, Hey, I'm a pig. I'm a comedian. I wear hats backwards. Hey, everybody look at me. Why is the male, the male boy here? Whatever your joke is. I don't know. It's funny though.

    Unknown: The male boy. You turned me into a stripper.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why is the male boy here? Have you noticed? So in this interview, uh, I had laryngitis for a while. So I didn't talk that my voice ain't, it don't sound quite like how it used to sound.

    Unknown: No, I didn't notice. No. Okay, good.

    Natty Bumpercar: Then nobody else is going to notice. We're going to edit that part out too. Okay. Yeah.

    Unknown: I didn't notice. So listen, uh, you, this is for episode 300. Thank you for being our special guest, right?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. Are you going to have 300 Spartans run in on your episode too? Yeah. We've been, I've been trying to learn all the lines and I'm actually shirtless right now. If I'm feeling. Yeah. I wish.

    Unknown: I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish.

    Natty Bumpercar: I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish. I wish.

    Unknown: I wish.

    Natty Bumpercar: I wish. I wish I could pull a line from the movie. That seems like it would've been a good part.

    Unknown: I mean, I really only just, this is Sparta and that's about it. It's really not a memorable line.

    Natty Bumpercar: Are they robots? Is that why they sounded like that?

    Unknown: Yeah. They're 300 robots. This is Sparta.

    Natty Bumpercar: Is that why you do comedy and don't do acting?

    Unknown: Boob beat. This is Sparta.

    Natty Bumpercar: What's my line again? This is Sparta. Perfect. And scene.

    Unknown: What would you say, Pete? What would people want out of it? How would you I would be like, I'd be all like, I don't know. I'm the I'm the the casting director. Welcome. How are you doing today? No, thank you.

    Natty Bumpercar: I didn't get to say the line. You didn't even you didn't say speed.

    Unknown: I'm just say I listen. I'm just looking at your look. You're a pig. Not what we're looking. I've been working out for this. Not what I'm sorry. It's not what we're looking for.

    Natty Bumpercar: I've been working on my roar. Do you know what that is? Please, sir. This is all I got. This is all I got.

    Unknown: A hundred and twenty two other people to look through that. We're probably going to say no to also.

    Natty Bumpercar: But how many pigs?

    Unknown: You're the first one. But I say say not what we're looking. You have a unique look. We'll call you if we have any openings in the future for anything.

    Natty Bumpercar: I just don't want you to worry about typecasting me is what I'm saying. I'm tough. I can handle it. Just pigeonhole me. Put me in there and I will make the audience's squeal.

    Unknown: Like I'm not going to. We're not going to say like a pig. We might piggyhole you, but we're not going to pigeonhole.

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't know what just happened. I don't even know what just happened.

    Unknown: Please don't cry. Please just leave my.

    Natty Bumpercar: I was on a podcast. I have a lot of experience with this. We did 300 episodes and I was all like, this is Sparta. I like that. See, I practiced.

    Unknown: You did. But I mean, your second mistake was you brought up your podcast during this casting session and everyone has a podcast.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why do you listen to it?

    Unknown: No. Oh, wow. I saw it on your resume. I saw it on the back of your headshot. And I'm going to assume based off of the backdrop that. New Jersey comic Mike Salona did your headshot.

    Natty Bumpercar: True. True. Now, listen, I got to ask you if I do, you know, get the part because I feel like we're really vibing right now. Is is this Niantic tattoo going to be a problem or not?

    Unknown: Well, we're going to have to do some sort of makeup. But I mean, you're you're not getting this part.

    Natty Bumpercar: I feel like you're starting to shine to me is all I'm saying. I feel like there's some sort of, you know, thing. Thing happening right now.

    Unknown: I've already I've already spent way too much time on you. I have seven hundred and forty seven people to look through now.

    Natty Bumpercar: You know what? I'm going to do you a favor. I'm going to head on out of here, but I'll give you a call back. OK, I'm going to call you back.

    Unknown: No, please don't. Please don't. I get flooded with emails. I get flooded with emails. They go right to my spam. Now, did I get it? Did I? Hello. Just checking in. Thanks so much. I don't read them. I don't read them.

    Natty Bumpercar: You must be mistaken. I'm not going to email you. I know where you live. I'm going to stop by. We're going to nosh, you know, maybe have a salad sandwich. I don't know what we're going to do, but it's going to be a nice time. And scene. All right. Well, listen, episode three hundred. This is Sparta. And I am. I wish to say, Peg, you are.

    Unknown: Adam Lucidi.

    Natty Bumpercar: Are you sure? Well, that is not what the paper says. That is not what this piece of paper says.

    Unknown: I know, but it was a typo and your autocorrect doesn't work for some reason.

    Natty Bumpercar: All right. And Andrew Ketchup is here, everyone. Hey, so when you are you going to still be you'll still be part of the show moving into the future, huh?

    Unknown: What show?

    Natty Bumpercar: This podcast. Not like I mean, I'm not asking you to be part of the show. I'm just saying every so often we might call you and talk to you because you seem to. Talk, OK.

    Unknown: Oh, yeah. Yeah. You can call me if you need to.

    Natty Bumpercar: You got you got good words. You're not going to like, I don't know, move and change your number. Nothing, huh?

    Unknown: No, no. I'm not going to change my number, change my name or anything like that. You know how to get a hold of me.

    Natty Bumpercar: OK, because I worry about you, you know, big world out there.

    Unknown: I know it's a big world. It's a big, scary world. But, you know, I mean, I'll always be your best pal.

    Natty Bumpercar: You literally just tonight found out the Brussels spouts. Drink in the oven. So, I mean, I feel like you've got a lot to learn.

    Unknown: And I'm excited. I'm excited to learn things like that out there.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, here's your next. Here's your next tip. Beef Wellington.

    Unknown: Not really beef. But it says beef tips on the box.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you read the back of the front? The front. OK. OK. OK. You have a good night. All right. I want you to have a good night. Just don't flip the box over. Don't. Dig in the trash and pull the back out. All right. OK. Because, you know what? You just ate my friend. What? Beet tips. They're actually rutabaga beets. That's what you.

    Unknown: Well, then there you go. There's my little bit of healthy then. Oh, look at you bringing it around.

    Natty Bumpercar: Look at you. All right. Producer, are we done? Why don't you talk? Just you nodding. OK. Yeah, he goes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Adam Lucidi. Thank you so much. Always a pleasure. Thank you. Thank you. So 300. And click. OK. So that was the end of the interview, I guess. Aloysius J. Pig, I want to thank Adam Lucidi for being on the show, the big 300th episode. Very happy to always have him here. A lot of stuff was talked about. I heard some stuff about Pokemon. I heard some stuff about Adam leaving. I had no idea about that. So that was news to me. And, oh, cool. The music started up again. Good. Because I was worried. I was worried that that was going to be gone for the whole episode. Anyway, I don't care. Episode 300. We are here. We made it. I'm happy. You're happy. You heard from Adam. Everyone loves Adam. You heard from Pig. Everyone loves Pig. I would love for Pig to be here so that I could do, like, that kind of thing that we did. OK. After some of the old episodes where he would be like, hey, Pig, what did you think of the interview? Whatever. He would probably say mean things. He'd be like, rah, rah, rah. I'm Pig. I don't like blah, blah. Whatever he says. I don't know. Anyway, it is now time, because we're just rocketing through. We have new segments. And I'm excited. I'm digging into my toy chest here. And we have a new segment right now. And it's called Reviews. And that's where we review cool things. And this review, I'm pretty excited about myself, because I've been excited to get this thing in the house for a long time. So, without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, here it is, the Reviews. All right. Hey, everybody. It's me again, Natty Bumpercar, with the Reviews. Today, we have a bag. You hear this bag? That's a bag. I'm going to take the first thing out of this bag. It is a white bag. I'm taking the box out of the bag. I'm going to hold this box up to the microphone, even though you cannot see it. It is a box. An unopened iPad Pro 10.5 inch. The newest of the new. The happiest of the happiest. The best of the best. I am so excited. I am so excited about this. I have been waiting for Apple to update the iPad Pro into this new version, because I've always drawn with a Wacom tablet, and haven't always, but for the past few years. And so, I was waiting for one that I could carry around. Well, now I have it. So, here it is. I'm not going to open it, because I just want to review the experience of holding this box. It's magical. It feels expensive. It feels like it's very expensive, is how it feels. Oh, and look. Hold on. In the box, also, we have another little tinier box. It's a smaller box. This is a box. This is the cover. The smart cover. So, it's got like a little keyboard here. It's thinner than the other box. It's also white. So, that's cool. It feels expensive, also. Not as expensive as the iPad, obviously. Rooting around in the box. And… Oh! Oh, yeah. Okay. Look at this. We have a receipt. That's always exciting to get. And, of course, one more box. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the Apple Pencil. It's a white box, also. I can't not wait to use them. Alright, so that's sort of the new episodes. New episodes. New sections of the podcast. It's reviews. I feel like it went pretty well. I got an iPad Pro. It's not opened yet. You know. What can I say? It's in a box. I like staring at the box. It gives me the feeling of potential. Right? Something exciting is going to happen. Until my children come along, rip it out of my hands, and break it like they do everything else in my life. I have so many stories to catch you guys up on. So much stuff has happened since the last time I recorded. But, I feel like we've been talking long enough. This is almost 40 minutes. Happy 300th episode, everybody. I've been Natty Bumpercar, and I, um… Oh.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, Bumpercar. You didn't think that we was going to let you have this little party all by yourself, did you? With a Rufus T. Rufus jumping up in the pool. Jumping up in the scene. Jumping up in the spot.

    Natty Bumpercar: If you know what I mean. Yeah, well… We did a rap song here. That was good. Hey, Bumpercar, happy 300th ep… Episode. Happy 300… What's wrong with you? 300… I can't. Are you okay? Happy three. Happy number three. I'm done. This is me. How was that interview? Did you like it? It was great. Adam's was great. The review you did was great. I accidentally broke the box. What? What? The thing that was in the box shattered. I'm sorry. I didn't know.

    Producer: I'm happy to be here, too. I'm so happy that I was invited.

    Natty Bumpercar: You actually weren't invited. Just so you know, bro. Let's be nice. Oh, that's fine. I'm happy about that, too. Thanks. Okay.

    Producer: We've been hiding in the booth your whole time you were recording your show, and it was so good. You did a wonderful job. Thank you. Even without producer. Yeah, well. You barely need me. I actually wrote you a song. Oh, a song? That's cool. Do you want to hear how it goes? Do you want to hear how it goes?

    Natty Bumpercar: Honestly, I'm good. I think we're at the end of the show, and we don't really need to hear the song right

    Producer: now. Okay. No, that makes sense. That's good. That's fine. Okay. Okay. Well, that's the end of the episode, anyway. Thanks. Really? Okay. All right. Thank you. Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. I'm going to finish the episode. Okay. So, anyway, guys, again, what I was saying, it was so cool to have you and everything, and I was just…

    Unknown: Thank you so much for watching, and I'll see you in the next episode.

  • Bumperpodcast #299 – Look who’s back!

    Pig comes back after a long disappearance – and spills the beans on where he has been. It’s convoluted!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    Do you like chaos? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.


    About This Episode

    Aloysious J. Pig returns to Bumperpodcast after a mysterious absence, spinning an increasingly absurd tale about his whereabouts. While Natty Bumpercar tries to share updates about his chaotic few weeks involving company buyouts, tree cutting, and stump grinding, Pig insists on telling a wild story involving corn fields, desert jail, a camel cellmate, and a frozen yogurt escape plot. Rufus T. Rufus appears to corroborate Pig's tale with his own unlikely story about yachts and Learjets. The episode devolves into comedic chaos as Natty struggles to determine what's real and what's fiction, with Pig eventually admitting the whole adventure might have just been about eating frozen yogurt all summer.

    Memorable Quotes

    “If I walk by your office in the hallway, does it say, Chief of Fun Ruiner? Because, you know, if that's your gig, then you should get a raise, my friend.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I can't believe you preempted my big adventure. I can't believe you preempted my big conversation to talk about stumps.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I've been gone, engorging myself, because I want to get my summer body on fleek, on point, if you will.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    Topics: #pigreturns #storytelling #frozenyogurt #prisonescape #summeradventures #talltales #friendship

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: so here's the thing bumper podcast you've been wondering where i've been and i've been wondering

    Aloysious J. Pig: where you've been well more importantly we've all been waiting for where hey here i am you're just gonna cut me yeah okay i'm gonna talk now okay yes i'm gonna talk where pig has been yeah well he's back i'm back and everyone has been like hey where's pig we've been getting all this mail and all these you know uh phone calls and uh sky writing and and letters and and you know and

    Natty Bumpercar: and and mail you said mail like two or three times i yeah i know okay well so i just wanted to make sure because it's you can't really if you're trying to build something up you can't be like ah we got mail and we got postcards and we got envelopes should i leave i don't want to

    Aloysious J. Pig: do this okay yeah you proceed okay thank you so as i was saying i was on everyone was asking and i'm I was on an adventure, an adventure of epic proportions, if you know what I'm doing here.

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you just do a pun? Yeah, it was a pun. I do a lot of puns, okay? Because it was kind of terrible.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Just leave me alone, all right?

    Natty Bumpercar: Is that going to be your new thing?

    Aloysious J. Pig: That's what I always do.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

    Aloysious J. Pig: This is why people leave the show, Bumper Guy. I didn't want to get into it on the podcast because it was supposed to be a big, warm welcome back. But all of a sudden, you've got to sit there and you've got to pick and pick and pick at the pig. And me, I'm just here to have fun, and I'm just here to tell a story. And you, you know, I guess you're here to what? Ruin the fun? Is that your job? Is that your title? If I walk by your office in the hallway, does it say, Chief of Fun Ruiner? Because, you know, if that's your gig, then you should get a raise, my friend. Your bonus should be a bountiful, you know?

    Natty Bumpercar: I do like the, I am sorry, Pig. I, you know, it's been a couple of weeks. It's been a crazy couple of weeks around here.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Are you going to talk about yourself now? Is that what we're doing, huh?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yes, I'm actually going to, if you don't, I'll just real quick. Okay. It's been crazy. It's been bananas crazy. Let me tell you what happened to me, and then you can hear from Pig. The company that I worked for was bought by an international company. No one knew if we were going to have jobs. This was two weeks ago. My wife was away at a conference. Big conference in Las Vegas. Ho, ho, ho. There was a carnival that was a block and a half from my house that my kids lose their minds to go to. The carnival's here.

    Aloysious J. Pig: The carnival's here. We have to go to the carnival. Carnival, carnival.

    Natty Bumpercar: We have to spend thousands of dollars. Not really. We don't have to spend that much money. What else do we have? There was, we watched the Captain Underpants movie. I was in a commercial that was, I was on set for 12 hours. The company. We ended up transitioning, so that did happen into the new company, and that's been a nightmare. We have the biggest client ever at my company that we're trying to land, and everyone's been losing their minds about that. We've also had a few shows. Yeah. We also, we might get a bathroom, a new bathroom here at headquarters. Really, we're talking about bathroom.

    Aloysious J. Pig: It's just been crazy. Sounds crazy.

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't need to tell you. Okay. But I'm telling you. Okay. Something else happened, too. What? Oh, I cut down two trees in my backyard. Oh, boy. I did, with a chainsaw. I cut down four bushes. Lots of things are happening. Why are you cutting things down? I'm getting a stump grinder this weekend to grind stumps, because we're having a big family reunion of my wife's family in a couple of weeks, and I need the house to be spick and span and ready. It's not going to be. It's going to be in the middle of a thousand different projects, and people are going to deal with it. This is unlistenable. Okay, back to you. I'm sorry. Yeah, thank you.

    Aloysious J. Pig: No one is. I can't believe you preempted my big adventure. I can't believe you preempted my big conversation to talk about stumps. You're like, oh, I'm going to grind some stumps. This is my podcast now. Is that what's happened since I left?

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's not how I talk, A and B. Honestly, we haven't. I don't even know if we've recorded in the last two weeks, so I don't want to say you're the lynch pig of the whole thing, but really, we haven't been putting out a lot of content. No premium content, that's for sure. Everyone can agree to that. Everyone can attest to that. Anyway, so, done talking. I want to hear what happened to you, where you have been, where you went. So, without further ado, go.

    Aloysious J. Pig: So, there's some weird tension here, but we'll deal with that another time, I suppose. So, there I was, ladies and gentlemen. I woke up. I found myself in a field, a field of corn. It was like a dream come true for a pig like me. I looked left. I looked right. I look in front of me. I look behind. To me, there was corn everywhere. Here's the thing, though. When corn grows, it ain't too convenient for a little pig like me. So, I'm looking. I can't reach none of it. All I can do is smell the corn. Oh, hello, beautiful corn. Won't you lean down and let me know? Okay. And so, then I had to go to the farm to see if they had some sort of a ladder that I could drag back to the corn field. So that I could climb up tippity-top to the top of the stairs and eat the corn. Well, I went to the farm, and they arrested me for trespassing. Can you believe this? I'm a pig on a farm. Can't you just give me a slap on the hoof or something and say, hey, pig, move on. You ain't supposed to be here. No. They took me into the police car, into town. There was a judge. There was a gavel. Off I went. They sent me to… To jail in the desert. I was in the desert. A pig in the desert. I can't tell you how much I was sweating. I was, like, profuse. They were… Actually, they got me my own row of paper towels, because they were always, like, they were embarrassed at how much I was sweating. They were like, bro, just dab a little bit of that sweat off, okay? You're a little bit extreme right now. I'm an extreme pig. People tell me that all the time. And they look at me, and they're like, bro, you seem pretty extreme. And I'm like, hey, you know what? For a pig, I guess I am. Anyway, in this jail, there was a camel, right? I don't know what he was in for. He wouldn't talk to me. But we, you know, we made eye contact, and we could tell we was on the same page. So what we did one night was there was a jackrabbit. No, excuse me. A jackalope. Who had… Who had squirreled away some spoons. And me and the camel and the jackalope and I guess the squirrel, I don't remember, started digging and digging and digging and…

    Natty Bumpercar: Are you telling me that you broke out of jail? You were in a prison for trespassing? You went to the desert? That doesn't make any sense at all. This story doesn't make any sense.

    Aloysious J. Pig: No, you don't make any sense, all right? I don't believe you. Well, I've got proof. Hold on one second. Let me bring my proof in. Get in here, proof. Well, if it isn't Mr. Rufus T. Rufus, I am here to defend the honor of Mr. Piggy Lou himself. Rude. It's Aloysius. Get with it. Exactly. So there I was on the Riviera on my yacht, and all of a sudden the phone starts to ringing, and it is… Emergency, emergency, emergency. And I said, hold on a second. I need to put my drink down. I don't want it to spill because that itself would be an emergency.

    Natty Bumpercar: You don't have a yacht. You don't… What are you talking about?

    Aloysious J. Pig: What does he keep interrupting me for?

    Natty Bumpercar: Because you don't… You're… I don't believe you either. I've met you before. You've never been to the Riviera. This is no joke. You don't have a yacht. You didn't even… You said yucked.

    Aloysious J. Pig: No, he said yacht. Bro, is this what you're going to do now? You're going to make fun of how people talk? You're going to make fun of accents just because you ain't got no accent? Because you was born in rural Georgia, and all of a sudden you don't sound like nothing? And so is that what this is? No. No. Just stop attacking. I'm sorry. Let the story happen.

    Natty Bumpercar: Go ahead, Rufus. Tell the story.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, of course I will. So I got the phone call, and it was from Aloysius here, who was calling me. He was calling me from dessert, and he was with a camel, and he was with a rabbit with horns. No, he said jackalope. He was a jackalope. Jackalope, exactly. Let's get it right. And there was a… I believe there might have been a squirrel. I'm not sure. And there was something about spoons, and so I quickly pulled my yacht up into the dock, and I parked it as you do. And granny… And got on my lead jet, and we flew over my crew and my team of experts, and we rescued this crew of malcontents.

    Natty Bumpercar: So my head is… This is… I'm glad I took a break. I missed doing the podcast, but I did not miss this. So you're telling me that you were on a yacht in the Riviera, you had a drink, the phone rang, and on the phone was Pig. Camel, something, a jackalope, and a squirrel that you're not even sure of. No one seems to be sure about this squirrel. The squirrel thing is kind of freaking me out. And then you got on a Learjet, is what you're saying, with your team, never met your team, and you flew over, and you rescued them. Is that something that a lawyer… Is that a normal thing that a lawyer would do? Because that doesn't sound very lawyerly to me. Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: That's how… That's essentially what you just… Said was essentially what kind of happened. I think that… Rufus might have let something slip in there when he said dessert in the spoons. Here's the thing, Bumper Cop. I was in jail at a soft yogurt place, and me and this camel dude, we dug out of the yogurt with some spoons. There was no squirrel, if you didn't pick up on that. There was a jackalope. But she was working behind a counter. This whole time, I've been gone, engorging myself, because I want to get my summer body on fleek, on point, if you will. Wait. And that's where I've been. So none of it's true? And then Rufus had some ice cream, though. I don't… None of it's true? I don't… What? None of it, or maybe all of it.

    Unknown: I don't know.