Tag: friendship

Bumperpodcast #384 – All you can

Natty got stuck at an ‘All You Can Eat’ establishment. He is terribly sorry for his absence. He hopes that you are happy to hear from him. He understands if you are not. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar returns after the longest absence in the show's history to explain his month-and-a-half disappearance. Natty spent weeks at an all-you-can-eat buffet, taking the restaurant's promise quite literally and exploring every food station from fruits to pancakes to a specialty corn bar. While the headquarters sat empty and his friends Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Popcorn the dog wondered where he'd gone, Natty bonded with the restaurant staff and may have inadvertently contributed to their closure. Now back home to a messy house and an angry dog, Natty reflects on adult responsibilities, teases his upcoming Bumper Barn project, and shares plans for a local bookstore featuring his yogurt business Yum Yeah.

Memorable Quotes

“I said are there any limits they said no am i allowed to use the restroom they said yes and i said well then i am going to be here for a long time”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Did you know when you're an adult 93% of your life is straightening and cleaning and then the rest is taking care of keeping the children alive and keeping your job”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I was there all i could eat I was living up to exactly what they wanted me to do and i was also sadly leaving my responsibilities behind”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #restaurants #food #responsibility #friendship #businessventures #comedy #adulting #absence

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so a lot of people have been saying to me natty bumper car um what is going on where have you been the bumper pod this is the longest you've ever gone without doing a bumper podcast like your entire life up to when you started the bumper podcast and then the bumper podcast and then now this but even before because when you were a baby you recorded some episodes and those got lost obviously uh so this is now officially the longest time in my entire life that i have gone without recording an episode of the bumper podcast and i'm going to be honest to you bumper podcast i was at lunch and it was a very long lunch it was an all-you-can-eat buffet and i said you just wait and see what i'm gonna do you just wait and see what i'm gonna do to this all-you-can-eat buffet i said are there any limits they said no am i allowed to use the restroom they said yes and i said well then i am going to be here for a long time and they said okay well we do close at uh you know nine o'clock and i said you know my friend no you do not because all you can eat implies all you can eat forever and uh month and a half i was there eating just eating and eating and eating every hour of every day did i put on weight a little bit do i feel good about myself not really did i know everyone by name i did know the manager the owner the whole family they would come in and and and it was interesting because i was there for so long that they would initially they were confused and then they got kind of angry that i was still there still eating all the food and then we turned a corner and they started to cheer me on they were like go but i i had all i could eat so i moved on i came back to headquarters uh empty headquarters a big mess don't know where anyone is um door was unlocked and the the fridge was open which was disgusting because it was smelly messages and messages uh where are you hey help no one's we got bills to pay mortgages due you know uh problems there were a lot of problems is all i'm going to say so here i am recording an episode of the bumper podcast all by myself very full of food all kinds of food i went to there was a fruit station i started there a lot of the days uh and then if i didn't want that sometimes i'd go to the salad station maybe i'm gonna skip all of that and i'm gonna go to the pancake station oh no i'm making myself hungry again huh and there's no food here oh well they even had a cool corn station like an ear of corn and then you could get all kinds of stuff on it sweet or savory so one day i had had an ear of corn and they drizzled honey on it and it was very messy but it was very delicious one day i had an ear of corn just salt and pepper just plain just basic not even any butter i didn't need it the corn was sweet enough if i'm to be honest one day i went to the bread station and at that station it was great because at different points the day they had different things in the morning they had uh bagels they had croissant they had muffins they had uh just just everything you could imagine and then and later they would turn and would have rolls and little baguettes and uh even you could like they had like these little loaves of bread and little flour pots that you could take back to your table and it was delicious man i really miss this place this restaurant uh they're out of business now also by the way i should let you know that i feel horrible about it i'm pretty sure i don't have anything to do with it but i was there for a long time and at a point there were some health inspectors coming in and they were checking on me and i did hear some crying from the people and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry on the back room the office uh and i think i couldn't really make out what they said but it was something like he's he's putting us out of business he's killing our restaurant i don't know who they were talking about couldn't have been me because i was there all i could eat i was i was living up to exactly what they wanted me to do and i was also sadly leaving my responsibilities behind and forgetting to do the podcast forgetting to take popcorn the dog for a walk forgetting to hang out with my friend Aloysius J Pig forgetting to stay in touch with Rufus T Rufus that's okay they're gonna come back I'm sure of it now that I'm here the phone's been plugged in I can start reaching out to people checking in let's get the band back together let's get everybody back get over here you guys let's make some more wacky stuff did I tell you I uh while I was at the restaurant I was still able to do comedy uh just virtually of course and then my phone ran out and I had to stop but uh I could I could sit there and record myself as I was I was I was eating right and one day uh I was I was eating a uh a veggie burger as I was eating a veggie burger as I was eating a veggie burger as I was eating a veggie burger as I was telling jokes and it was it was a hoot um nah I'm just kidding I didn't do any comedy I did in my head I tried to do comedy for the people around me at the different tables and uh I was like hey table number seven over there looking good are you guys on a first date nice where did you meet oh that's a great place to meet hey Francois he was one of the waiters take care of table number seven because they're on their way to the restaurant their first date why don't you make some magic happen makes make a love connection and Francois he was always so funny because he was embarrassed by the whole thing and he uh he was just like no no no no and the couple was just like why is can we see a man why is this guy talking to us he looks like he hasn't showered or bathed in weeks he looks pretty rough and I will admit I did I was not my best that's okay because I was I was fulfilling to the letter of the law all I could eat and now back here guess we're gonna have a podcast again that's kind of fun I like doing the podcast I also see I mean I have to clean the house I don't like that I probably have to clean the yard it's a lot of cleaning I have to do a lot of straightening did you know when you're an adult and especially when you're an adult you have to do a lot of cleaning you have to do a lot of cleaning when you have kids 93% of your life is straightening and cleaning and then the rest is taking care of keeping the children alive and keeping your job that's a lot mathematically it does it doesn't work out because it's like there's like percentages and there's 20% 16% 80% yada yada yada I don't do math I eat I clean I straighten um popcorn the dog did come out I am now seeing her she looks angry at me she's looking what are you looking at me like that for I'm your I'm your pal Maddie bumper car I feed you my used to have you been eating I hope you have watch this I'm gonna pull I'm gonna reach into my bag here I actually uh in a napkin rolled up some rolls and uh rolled some rolls and some paper towels some napkins from the restaurant just in case I got uh peckish a little hunger on the way home you do you eat rolls popcorn you're not talking to me she won't even look at me treat I got a roll look at this roll oh nothing nothing all right that's fine sorry popcorn we'll figure it out I'll go get you some kibble dogs love kibble you're have you ever eaten kibble no I gotta look up what's kibble is it just the shape of the food is it this type of food is it just dogs that eat kibble I think cats eat kibble too but is there like hamster kibble fish kibble baby kibble I'm gonna start a business it's gonna be baby kibble speaking of starting businesses while I was in the restaurant you guys know about yum yeah right I make yogurt I'm the yum yeah king well I'm also working on opening a little tiny bookstore in my town that's right I wasn't just sitting there eating I was also thinking I was using my noodle and I was also eating noodles but listen it's gonna start off as a little free book stand and then at some point I'm going to figure out how to transition it into getting books in that we can sell local author books and then I'm gonna start a little free book stand and then at some point I'm gonna especially so then the authors are gonna come into the little bookstore and and and talk about their books and sign their books isn't that fun I think it's great and the free bookstore uh the shelf out front it's all you can read kind of like all you could eat but it's all you could read you get it um anyway so busy I'm a busy busy bumper car I'm working on getting uh the bumper barn set what's that it's a huge shed that's gonna be out in my yard that's gonna gonna gonna have all kinds of magic and mystery and fun the bumper barn when is it gonna be here 2020 that's all I could tell you fingers are crossed I don't know I had there were gentlemen who came and dug up my yard and made it flat and then I had to go to the town and I had to give them money and fill out papers it took me three tries to fill out the papers they were getting frustrated and I gave them money and they gave me a permit which means I'm allowed to do this so all I'm saying is now that I'm full of food I never need to eat again I'm gonna get popcorn food I'm gonna clean I'm gonna straighten and then we're gonna take over the world

Producer: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it

Natty Bumpercar: you

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September 28, 2020
Bumperpodcast #383 – Hiding out

Where is Natty and what is up with the Bumperpodcast?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar has been living in a dumpster for two weeks after Sal Salesman took over the studio and changed the locks. Using a makeshift mobile recording setup made from rocks, copper wire, and bubble gum, Natty records his predicament while hiding from what he believes is a hostile takeover. Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig eventually find him and reveal he's been unnecessarily hiding – they've been at headquarters eating Funyuns the whole time. The episode captures Natty's descent into dumpster-dwelling madness, his friendship with rats named Ratsky and Raffy, and the gang's efforts to rescue their smelly host from his self-imposed exile.

Memorable Quotes

“Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. There are some lines in society that I will not cross.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I made a couple of friends in here… It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #misunderstanding #homelessness #friendship #survival #food #dumpsterdiving #podcasting #hygiene

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: holy cow everybody it's me natty bumper car and i know you've been wondering natty where have you been last episode was crazy sal salesman came in and he took over the studio and he made rufus t rufus run away and and and and now what you haven't recorded and so i'm sure you're like is everything okay no it's not okay i'm on the run i'm hiding okay because sal salesman he went in he took over the whole studio he changed the locks i'm actually recording this on my mobile podcast recording equipment so i hope that it sounds okay to you oh man and i don't know about you but it's been so hot so i haven't even had any kind of air conditioning or access to running water or a bathroom anything everything's just gone off the rails here i mean do you even remember when rufus t rufus showed up and he kept trying to take over the show and now the sal salesman shows up and he's rufus is gone i haven't heard anything from him i mean granted i did leave my phone uh back at at headquarters so maybe he's been trying to call me um but i don't know that's a thing and and maybe or email i don't you know i don't really have any way of communicating with anybody right now so i don't know what's going on uh and and it took me this long so my mobile podcast recording studio what i had to do was i got i i got some rocks and i got some twigs and and and i found uh a blue jay which is a bird and the blue jay i asked i said do you have any kind of wire and um he had some copper wire and i said that's bad i don't know what's going on with that perfect and so i traded him some of my sticks for the copper wire and then i wrapped the rocks in copper wire and um i fashioned this kind of a uh what is this thing called uh an antenna um out of the rocks and the wire and and but then it wouldn't stay together so then i had to find some old bubble gum and i used that to kind of stick everything together and uh it didn't do anything it didn't do anything at all um then what i think i hear somebody coming uh i don't i

Aloysious J. Pig: mean i haven't seen him in a couple of weeks and i ain't know where he is uh that i had to leave headquarters the south salesman said he was gonna start charging me rent and i don't even there's no income i can't you can't charge me rent i live here this is my house yeah you know and and so i

Natty Bumpercar: don't know i don't know what's going on really and yeah and so i found bumper car's phone oh

Rufus T. Rufus: so i can't even call him you know i've been trying to call bumper car now for two weeks and ever since the end what we're gonna call the incident you understand the uh the predicament uh the beginning of this this predicament incident the uh the in the infestation is what i'm calling it of that uh that name who's man whose name i shall not repeat uh and and and and so now it makes me a little bit feel better yeah he was not uh public i was not just ignoring no no no he wouldn't know but in fact

Aloysious J. Pig: seems like he's just disappeared yeah it was the strangest thing like he was there and then poof he

Natty Bumpercar: was gone right and so we all knocked on his room i thought he was asleep honestly because you know stress sometimes i fall asleep if i get super stressed guys and uh guys it's me get in here

Rufus T. Rufus: you were hiding right there the whole time no no no not the whole time but be quiet i don't want

Natty Bumpercar: anybody to see us just just come on in here and and and and and we can talk about this we can we can we can talk we can figure some stuff out uh you understand this is you're in a dumpster right now this is an act you're you're hanging out in the dumpster this is where you you you live no no it's not where i live clearly but uh i i it was raining a lot and then it was really hot and i didn't know where to go and it seemed like a good place except on tuesdays uh because that's when the big trucks come and so i have to clear everything out and and and and and and i can't be in here Normally, it's watertight. There are some mice who hang out in here.

Rufus T. Rufus: No, so those are rats. Rats hang out in garbage cans. It doesn't matter. You're hanging out with rats right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine. Mice, rats, it doesn't matter. Potato, potato, they're the same thing. I'm going to have to side with Rofus here. These mice and rats are completely different. Mice are cute, big ears, cartoony. Rats, scary, kind of disease-carrying, big scary teeth, claws. No, not the same at all. Not potato, not potato. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Doesn't matter. Anyway, this is where we are right now. So hop on in and let's make a plan.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, you know, I do not think that I will be doing that. And if you want, I was going to say we could go down to the diner or something, have a snack, a light lunch. I am not going to be getting into a trash can with you, sir. Not necessary, not appropriate. Now, I understand you're terrified of this Sal Salesman. He did definitely pull a woolly trick over our eyes. However.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I'm going to side real quick here with Rufus again. This is two for me. I'm not going to get in a garbage can. And this is a pig.

Natty Bumpercar: I am a pig. Aloysius J. Pig. I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. You understand? There are some lines in society that I will not cross. Fine, fine. I will hop out and then we can go somewhere else, but we do definitely need to have a meeting because, oh, I should tell you also, I am recording this right now. This is going to be an episode of the podcast.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, what are you recording it with? That don't make no sense. We're not the studios back at the house at headquarters and you're sleeping in a dumpster. So how are you making this into a podcast?

Natty Bumpercar: I don't understand. So I have a mobile podcast recording studio that I've set up here and it's got rocks and it's got some wires and some gum and then also I bought this little handheld radio to do because that other stuff really wasn't working, but I kept it around because I had spent so much time, working on it, so it's kind of a mixture of both of them. Good, you know, there's no such thing as a bad idea, right, guys? There's good, there's just good ideas and some other ideas that maybe aren't as well thought through. Okay. And so they're not as good yet, I think. Yeah, so, buddy, when's the last time you ate food or took a shower?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh my goodness. We cannot go to the diner. You smell… Horrific right now, Mr. Bumper. Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, cool. But I've been in here for a while and so, fine, maybe I smell a little bit, but we can, let's just go to a restaurant and I can hop into the bathroom and I can just kind of wash my hands instead. No shit. This is, we're well beyond a hand washing. Why don't we just go back to headquarters? You clean up a little bit and take a shower, clean, change your clothes, maybe burn those clothes and then we can all have a quick little meeting. But we, I can't, we can't go back to headquarters because Sal Salesman is there and he says he changed the locks and he's taken over the whole Bumper podcast and everything and, Rufus, I thought you would have like contracts or papers. Or something that would, you know, make it so that this wouldn't happen, but I don't know what's going on with this guy.

Rufus T. Rufus: As I, as I, as I said earlier, he did pull a woolly trick over our eyes, but here's the thing, I am very prepared emotionally, fiduciary, inspirationally. What? And what for? For such circumstances and let's just say that the law is on our side. Yeah, Bumper go.

Natty Bumpercar: So, this doesn't make, what do you mean, like, we can go back to headquarters? Yeah, absolutely. Well, so why have I been sleeping inside of a dumpster? Well. It doesn't make any sense. Why didn't somebody come and get me or tell me? So you, you, you left your phone at home and we've been calling you, we've been emailing you, I even, I sent some text messages, some private, like I was sending, it was everything we could think of,

Aloysious J. Pig: to get in touch with you, but we've all, I mean, like, there was that first day with Sal Salesman, but other than that,

Natty Bumpercar: we've all pretty much been at home and just hanging out, eating all the food. By the way, we are out of Funyuns, so if we could rectify that situation, that'd be pretty nice. What's he doing?

Rufus T. Rufus: Is he crying or is he laughing or coughing? You know what, you're okay. Come on now. Let's just get you on out of the dumpster house and let's go on back to headquarters and we can explain everything that happened and it's going to be all right. Okay, okay, okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Except for the Funyuns. Don't forget those. Of course, the Funyuns. Yeah. The Funyuns. Well, they're a delicious snack and I think they're healthy for you too.

Rufus T. Rufus: We aren't going to start saying what's healthy and what's not healthy because that'll, because that opens up an entire other legal battalion, you understand, of reciprocation and personification and whatnot. These are all legal languagees, languageas that you don't have to worry about, but let's just steer clear if you do catch my drift.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I agree with that. That makes total sense to me. Wow. Wow. I can't wait to hear how… I can't wait to hear what happened. I can't believe that I've been hiding out here and you guys have been at home eating Funyuns all week and… Yeah, well, yeah, it's okay. All right, cool. Yeah, it's all cool. It's all gravy, okay? So listen, I think whatever you've been recording, you should probably get rid of. This isn't really good for distribution, understand? You know, the sound quality. You're recording with rocks and wire. Nope. It's not gonna work. Listen, you know the motto. We record it, we post it. That's how this just always worked. Because otherwise, people are gonna be confused. They're probably thinking the same thing that I was thinking. They're just like, well, the Bumper Podcast must be gone. Got bought by Sal Salesman. And so this at least gives some insight, I guess.

Rufus T. Rufus: Fine, we'll keep the episode. But do you think I'm gonna be able to go back and do some editing, some scrubbing? Of the whole Funyun thing? Because I really don't want that out there. My paperwork plate is very full right now, and I don't have time for some shenanigans. That might be a good idea. Yeah, we can try that.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, yeah, I mean, I can give it a shot. So you guys just go on ahead, and I just have a couple of things to do here. What are you doing?

Aloysious J. Pig: Why are you climbing back into the dumpster?

Natty Bumpercar: What are you doing, Bumper? Well, no, I just, I made a couple of friends in here, and so I just need to talk to them about the situation. And we were gonna have, like, with the mobile podcasting studio, like, our own new thing,

Rufus T. Rufus: and I don't know. Pig, you grab his feet, I'll grab his hands. Let's just get this kid out of here. He needs to take a bath right now. Some lavender-scented salts or something like that. It'll bring you back. A little cup of orange juice, maybe a vitamin or two. Nice pillow. Fine, fine. Much better in the morning.

Natty Bumpercar: All right, fine, fine. I'll come with you. Uh, hey, Ratsky, Raffy, I'll come back for you, I promise. It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'll grab his feet.

Producer: This has been a Non-Productive Media presentation, executive producer Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

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August 4, 2020
Bumperpodcast #382 – Sal Salesman

Who is Sal Salesman – and what plans does he have for Natty and the Bumperpodcast?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In episode 382 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar's recording session takes a dark turn when the aggressive salesman Sal Salesman bursts in and criticizes everything about the podcast. Sal demands Natty hire a full staff, implement SEO strategies, and completely overhaul the show's operations. When Rufus T. Rufus attempts to defend Natty, he's tricked into signing a contract that gives Sal control of the podcast. The episode ends with a shocking twist: Aloysius J. Pig reveals he invited Sal Salesman and has worked with him before, leading to chaos as Rufus storms off and the future of the Bumperpodcast hangs in the balance.

Memorable Quotes

“You come to a locked door and you start to cry. I come to doors and they're locked and I kick those doors open and I give myself super excellent opportunities.”
— Sal Salesman

“This podcast is just about friends getting together and hanging out. If it takes off one day, great. But if it doesn't, totally fine.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“This is a tiny pond and there's only room for one shark here. And that shark's name is Sal Salesman.”
— Sal Salesman

Topics: #podcasting #business #betrayal #contracts #seo #friendship #takeover #comedy

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysius J. Pig, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: Bumper podcast it's me not a bumper car and I'm so happy to be here I'm so thrilled because I don't know that feels like the podcast is going in the right direction like people are listening and you know we're on we're on the nonproductive.com like their network now and and and I'm this is my second week in a row recording thanks life for letting me do my podcast and it's just everything feels like your podcast is garbage yes who are you why are you here why are you being mean to me

Aloysius J. Pig: just look around yourself you see this is not even a studio it's just a basement and your podcast

Natty Bumpercar: no one listens to it do you even have any s-t-o s-t-o what is s-t-o s-e-o oh I don't know if I have any s-t-o I just know that I come down here and yeah it is a basement but it's also my studio and I record my podcast every week and it's the bumper podcast and I don't know oh yeah exactly you don't know you don't know anything all you do is come down here

Aloysius J. Pig: yeah with all your little friends every week and this is what you have nothing to show for

Natty Bumpercar: that's not true I have a lot to show for this is my 382nd episode and people seem to like my show and they seem to listen to it and yeah my little friend my little friend my little friend my little friend Say hello to my little friends I was having a good day I was having a good day Anyway You're going to stop doing this podcast Until you figure out exactly what you're doing What your five year goal is And what your angle is And what your perspective is And what your niche is None of these things exist On your show That's not, well, it's the Bumper Podcast It's all about Coffee Can Alley And all the shenanigans that happen here at Headquarters With me, Natty Bumpercar Everyone's favorite comedian And his friends Aloysius J. Pig Rufus T. Rufus shows up Doodle Poodle Robot is even I don't know where Robot is right now, honestly But what do we It's just a fun show We don't have to have Perspective and niche And all these Who are you anyway? You haven't even told me Oh my My name is Salesman Sal And I'm here to offer you A deal of a lifetime A deal of the century A deal that will make your podcast Pop in ways that it currently Does not Okay, you're a salesman? You're the worst salesman I've ever talked to in my entire life Salesmen aren't supposed to be mean I don't, why did Why did you come in mean? You're supposed to like, if you want to sell me Something, it seems like you would come in nicely You don't know anything about the magic Of sales Do you, do you Look at me in the eyes and tell me That you do because you can't Because you don't What? You're now hiring Hiring? You're hiring No Put the ad out Go on the web and hire someone I'm not gonna hire anyone I don't make any money from doing the podcast Why do I need to start hiring people? Why do I need a staff? You need to go hire someone But you're gonna start taking notes And you're going to publish them With every episode And you're going to do SEO So do we know what that stands for At this point? It stands for super Excellent Opportunities I'm pretty sure it doesn't stand for that At all, but keep going With your sales bitch Now that you're here and you have me Hostage, you might as well just get it All out By the way How did you get here? How did you get here? How did you get in here? I come to doors I come to doors and they're closed I come to doors and they're locked And I kick those doors open And I give myself Super excellent opportunities Because I am made of S-E-O Something that you clearly don't understand You come to a locked door And you start to cry I don't start to cry When I come to a locked door I might get my keys out I might knock I might push the door about me But I don't cry Unless you're talking about that one time That I went to the ice cream shop And it clearly said that it was open And that the doors were locked And I could see people inside And they wouldn't let me in to eat ice cream Is that what you're talking about? That is not what I am talking about You're going to hire someone to also Along with your notes Along with your S-E-O To make new graphics New images For your videos For every single show You're going to have to hire people To distribute your podcast Around the world To all the ears that will listen to it An ad salesman will be hired as well What? You're going to need an office manager How many people are you expecting me to hire? I can't afford this I can't even afford one person Let alone like the five or six people That you just mentioned This podcast is just about friends Getting together and hanging out Alright? If it takes off one day, great But if it doesn't, totally fine Alright? I mean, I can't I'm not going to hire like a whole So you're saying I need To make show notes Which, okay, all these things are actually I've read are good ideas But show notes New graphics for every episode Get into podcast directorates That was something that you mentioned Kind of, I guess Yes And then the office manager Which I don't really I don't really know how that helps Or what that's for Do you even have a contest, Maven? Who does all your contests? Do you even do contests? Do you have merch? Do you do any of these things? How do you expect people to find you And listen to your podcast If you haven't even done any? Do you have a social Engineering team? A development arm Of your podcast? An application? You have nothing You don't even have a cleaning crew Down here, do you? I don't have a cleaning crew And your voice just kind of changed To European somehow I don't I was all happy at the beginning of the day And now I'm finding out all these things That I don't have And I was happy before I realized I didn't have them But now I'm like, oh, jeez I need to have all these things To make my podcast the best podcast it can possibly be You still haven't told me your name My name is on my business card Which I have put in front of you ten minutes ago Before you even started yammering on I put it on top of the pile of papers Which are your contract Now hold on, hold on, hold on One second here Did I hear the word contract bump a car? Yeah, Rufus, help Uh-huh Yeah Now who is this gentleman here on this, uh I don't know his name Dom suit suit That he's wearing in my establishment Until here You listen here to me, sir You have no idea Who you are You have no idea Who you are messing with I am podcasts I am the one I am the person Who is going to take this podcast To the stars And I am also going to take it away If he doesn't listen So, Rufus, really quickly Just to catch you up This guy just came in while I was about to record the podcast And he started making all these threats And saying I was doing everything wrong with the podcast He wants me to hire a whole team of people Which you know I can't do Because you have all my friends And all my money in your back pocket And I need help, please You're not allowed to carry your money around Because you get it stuck to the bubble gum And then it's all stuck together And we can't use it anymore Do you remember that? How much money we've lost over the years, Bumpercar? A lot of it A lot of it Exactly So, anyway, sir Again, let me just look at your car Your name is Sal Salesman? That's your name? Huh Well, I'm Rufus T. Rufus And I am the legal counsel for the Bumpercar Club Bumper podcast and headquarters And Coffee Can Alley Impromptu, impromptu And so I would appreciate if you'd stop harassing and haranguing my client It's inappropriate It's uncalled for And it's unnecessary We've got this podcast under wraps and under control And so I'm gonna ask you Not once, not twice But zero times To please exsort the room Get out with yourself It's very interesting that you've looked at my car Because what you don't understand is that Common new business practices are It's a trap Just by lifting my card up You have signed the contract, Rufus T. Rufus And so now I am the lawyer I am the SEO maven I am the contract contractual I, Sal Salesman Own this account and everything involved with it And so moving forward my lawyer friend You are the one who will be leaving You are the one who no longer belongs here No Good day, sir Rufus I say, good day No, Rufus, what are you just walking away for? Don't worry, Bumpercar I got this I've been down before I've been down before I've been down before But I am not out I will figure this out And I will be back I promise you This Sal Salesman, he's no lawyer He doesn't understand the law What he understands is money And taking money away from people And that's not what I'm about Rufus I will return Oh Natty, hey, it's me, Aloysius J. Pig What are you crying about? Why, like, this time? I mean, is that why they're all Hey! Sal Salesman, you came Good to see you Yes, I came and I saw And I took over I now run this show, Aloysius So thank you for the invitation I very much appreciate it It'll be good working with you again Wait a minute Big twist Aloysius, you're the one who brought this Sal Salesman into the show And you've worked with him before? I thought you and I And especially I thought you and Rufus, T. Rufus, were friends How could you do this to Rufus? Hold on, we're good Everything's fine, everything's okay Sal, I think you're just gonna work in concert with Rufus, right? No, Sal, this is a tiny pond And there's only room for one shark here And that shark's name is Sal Salesman And so, no more room

Aloysius J. Pig: What have I done? Oh, no, Rufus! Rufus, I gotta go catch him Bumper car, you gotta figure this out Rufus!

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, um, I'm so confused right now But you listen to me, Sal Salesman Other people have come into this show and tried to take it over And they've failed every single time And I don't really know who you are or what you're about Well, wait a minute The one that really tried to take it over was Rufus, T. Rufus And he did have a lot of control in the end Huh I mean We're gonna fight you the whole way But I can't promise you that we're gonna win And that this isn't your show now And, ah, I'm not really good at these speeches But next week we're gonna figure this out I promise you, Sal Salesman Indeed we shall Indeed we shall Oh Oh Oh

Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation Executive producer, Frank Hablawi This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network Is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No-Derivatives License Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it For more information, visit non-productive.com

Aloysius J. Pig: For more information, visit non-productive.com For more information, visit non-productive.com

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July 17, 2020
Bumperpodcast #371 – Zippy the bug gets cold feet

Today, we get a visit from a sick little bug. I love it when we have guests – but, now I’m off to clean my equipment!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this charming episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar discovers a sick bug in his home and decides to help rather than squish it. He has a delightful conversation with Zippy the Bug, a young bed bug who stayed home from bug school due to illness from staying up too late at bug parties. Zippy reveals he can't fly but can climb walls, and has mysteriously forgotten his siblings' names after just two days. After safely releasing Zippy outside, Natty reflects on the season of sickness, shares a story about his son sleeping on the bathroom floor, and teaches listeners about the phrase "cold feet" (or "kolde fader" in Danish). The episode wraps with Natty's ongoing saga of Popcorn the dog eating everything and an expensive vet visit.

Memorable Quotes

“We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't make any sense. We're really good friends because I made you feel bad.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I went to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #illness #bugs #friendship #compassion #idioms #parenting #pets #health

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Zippy the Bug (Guest)

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: um what's um hi uh everybody there's a little bug next to me and i don't i don't know if i should squish it or if i should take it outside what do you what do you think little bug you don't know um well what would you rather would you rather be squished or would you rather go outside and live a life on a bush or a tree outside you'd rather go outside what now why is that are you afraid to be squished yes oh well that makes me kind of sad okay well then little bug i'm gonna pick you up uh with this napkin because i don't really want to touch you and i'm gonna just gently take you all the way outside okay now what are you gonna do when you're outside you don't know are you gonna go find your friends maybe yeah what do bugs do with their

Zippy the Bug (Guest): friends i don't really know do you go to like bug parties i don't know i don't guess i don't think

Natty Bumpercar: so do you play bug games yeah i guess wait why are you you seem like a young bug why are you at home today and not at bug school because i'm sick you're sick that's so sad how did you get sick

Zippy the Bug (Guest): i think from like staying up really late

Natty Bumpercar: oh so you were out at a big bug party last night doing bug dances and doing bug prances and doing all the things that all the bugs want to do is that what you're doing yeah i guess oh well i'm sorry you don't feel good did you take some medicine yeah that's good what what is bug medicine like what does it taste like i don't really know kind of yucky yeah i guess are you gonna have to go to the bug doctor no the bug is the bug ambulance gonna come pick you up and take you to the bug hospital no whew thank goodness because i don't think we have bug insurance um so tell me a little bit about your bug life do you how is bug school

Zippy the Bug (Guest): it's good it's good what do you study in bug school

Natty Bumpercar: i don't really know you don't remember yeah oh okay i understand how is your bug teacher she's she's fine well that's nice do you have any bug friends that fly yeah i guess and do you can you fly no do you just kind of can you hop or do you just kind of scurry around i just kind of like scurry around um do you stick to walls or anything or like are your feet sticky can you like climb things yeah whoa that's good you don't bite do you no oh thank goodness oh i didn't even i don't know why i didn't ask that first i don't want to get bit by a bug wait a minute you don't ever go into a bed do you yeah i go in my bed so wait if you're in your bed are you a bed bug yeah no i don't like bed bugs they're the worst oh you're not the worst though are you yeah i'm not the worst you seem like a pretty cool bug to me mm-hmm yeah well thank goodness well listen bug uh i'm just gonna pick you up with this napkin okay so be careful don't don't move around too fast i don't want to hurt you okay all right ready one two all right i scooped you up and we're gonna walk you out side and okay bug we'll see you later okay okay bye feel better all right

Zippy the Bug (Guest): okay

Natty Bumpercar: take your bug medicine and listen to your bug parents right yeah wait real quick before you go do you have any bug brothers or sisters yeah all right what what do you have uh like a brother and sister oh really oh that's nice what are their names

Zippy the Bug (Guest): um well i really remember because like they were i was like super for like two days and

Natty Bumpercar: Two whole days? Yeah. Oh, no. And you forgot your brother and sister's name already?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. What is your name? I just realized I didn't even ask you that. Zippy. Oh, Zippy the bug. That's a great name for a bug. Oh, okay. Well, if I let you out here, do you think you can find your family? Yeah. Okay. Because I don't want you to get lost or anything. Hey, listen. If you ever need anything, you can come back and just ring the doorbell and I'll come and answer, okay?

Zippy the Bug (Guest): Okay. Alright.

Natty Bumpercar: Alright. We'll see you later, Zippy the bug. Feel better. Okay. Bye.

Zippy the Bug (Guest): Bye.

Natty Bumpercar: Holy cow, Bumper Podcast. I didn't expect that at all. We had a fun guest stop by. Zippy the bug. Love Zippy the bug. I'm sorry that Zippy doesn't feel well. It was also, I was very sad that Zippy doesn't remember the name of his brother and sister. It was very, that worries me. I hope he's alright. I think after I finish recording this podcast that I'm gonna go and check on Zippy and make sure that he's okay. When I was holding onto him, I could tell he has a little temperature and I don't have a bug thermometer or anything, but I could just kind of tell by the way he was, he seemed like he was moving kind of slow, a little bit groggy, and he just evened through the napkin. A little bit warm. A little bit warm. It's that kind of season though, right? It's the time of year where a lot of people are getting sick. There's stomach bugs going around. Oh, a stomach bug. Wait a minute. That's not that kind of bug at all. Then there's like little colds, little fevers, and all this poor, poor people getting feeling, feeling rough by my, we have Oliver who's the younger, and then Emerson who's the older, and last week Emerson had a bit of a stomach problem, and he had to come home from school and there was one night where he didn't feel good, and I ended up, we both ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor because it was cool, and he said that made him feel better, and because he wanted to be in there, just in case things happened. I don't need to talk about what things happened, but just in case things happened, and we'll leave it at that. But luckily, knock on wood, he feels better, and his brother Oliver, he's done very fine, but now we got this Zippy the Bug feeling sick, so it's going around. Take care of yourself. Wash your hands. Wash your hands several times a day, and try not to touch your eyes or your nose. Keep your little fingers away from your face because that's how the germs will get in, and I don't want you to get sick. Okay? I want you to feel good because when you feel good, I feel awesome. I don't really know that. I'm assuming that. Yeah, I'm going to say that. If you feel good, then I feel good. Right? That's a good way to be. It's like if you see your friends doing well, if they're succeeding at something, if, you know, maybe if there's a school play and they get on the play, yeah, you gotta build them up because that's what friends do. You build each other up. You make each other feel good about things. I have some friends of mine and they don't always do that. It's more of a you knock your friends down a little bit and it's like, hey, man, that means we're really friends. And I'm like, wait, that doesn't make any sense. We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't seem to make any sense at all. No, no, no, man, we're really good friends because I made you feel bad. That just seems like you're somebody who's who knows a lot about me and then uses that to make me feel rotten. I don't want to feel rotten. I'm not an egg. I don't think eggs want to feel rotten either, though. I don't want to I don't want to pigeonhole eggs into feeling a certain way. You know what, eggs? You do you. You go feel how you want to feel. Anyway, guys, this is the Bumper Podcast. I'm Natty Bumpercar and it's cold outside. I went to take the kids to school today and for some reason I forgot to wear shoes and to go from the front door into the car and then I do a drive-around drop-off and I forgot to wear shoes and I I was so cold. I was like, I wanted to cry. I was like, why wouldn't I wear shoes? I need shoes on my feet. But, you know, mistakes are made. That wasn't how we wanted to start the day, certainly, with cold feet. Have you ever heard the phrase cold feet? It's if, like, it's something that people say where if they're nervous to do something. Like, let's say you wanted to audition for the big school play, right, with your friend, but you didn't do it because you got nervous and so someone could say, oh, hey, why didn't you why didn't you go audition for the big school play? And you could be like, oh, I got cold feet. I don't know where it comes from. I feel like I'm going to research. I'm going to do some research. We're going to learn on the Bumper Podcast. Well, did you guys realize that cold feet, it's kind of like anxiety. It's like you're having second thoughts. It's like you're feeling a little bit timid about something. Like you're almost weak in the knees about something. It's like you have reservations about something. It's, you want to back out of a situation that you're in. These are all various ways of saying you have cold feet. And so I found a definition for it. It's a phrase which refers to a person not going through with an action. You've got cold feet. It's, it's, it's, I don't know. You can have stage fright. That's another way of saying cold feet. And I don't know if I can, if I can find it. Ah, yes. This is my favorite. Here's how you say cold feet in Danish. Kolde fader. So, I think you should start saying that. Bumper Podcast Gatiers, we don't get cold feet. We get kolde fader. Why didn't you go to that big meeting? Kolde fader. Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader. That's so fun. I love that we learned something. We learned that bugs do in fact get sick and have to stay home from school and that they can in fact forget their brothers and sisters' names. And we also learned about cold feet. Kolde fader. And, you know, I think we had a nice time. Things I didn't tell you about. Well, Popcorn the dog continues to eat everything in the world. I took her to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat. And he looked at her and he looked at me and he said, Sir, that's clearly a dog. And I said, I think it's a goat. And he said, Dog. And I said, Goat. And we did that back and forth for a while. And then he said, Okay. Well then, take your dog and go. And the bill is $300. And I went to the front desk to pay and when they showed me that bill, I went to pull my wallet out and I didn't. Can you guess why? Kolde fader. Alright. Keep your feet warm. Go do what you're supposed to do. Don't get sick. Wash your hands. Looking out for you, Bumper Podcast. Looking out for you. You know why? Because you're the best.

Unknown: Thank you.

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February 21, 2020
Bumperpodcast #370 – Valentine’s

Pig seems kind of sad about Valentine’s day. So, Natty tries to cheer him up, a bit!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this heartwarming Valentine's Day episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig is feeling down about being the only pig in the house without a valentine. Host Natty Bumpercar helps Pig understand what Valentine's Day is really about, leading to a hilarious debate over whether it's pronounced "valentine" or "valentime." The duo explores the meaning of the holiday, from its origins with St. Valentine to what it means to spread love to everyone around you. Their conversation takes comedic turns through discussions of tree valentines, Danish pastries, and ultimately lands on an important message about self-love. Natty and Pig share laughs while reminding listeners that the most important valentine is yourself.

Memorable Quotes

“Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. You wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. T-I-M-E?”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“It sounds like this is not a very exclusive club. Hey, look at that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? I guess you're my valentines now, huh?”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #valentine'sday #self-love #friendship #holidays #loneliness #comedy #pronunciation

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: I guess I'm kind of sad, is the thing, and I just don't know what to talk to about it. Hey, Pig, what's up? Hey, Bumps, what's going on?

Natty Bumpercar: I, you just sound really, really sad, and I, why? What's going on, man?

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, you know, it's Valentine's Day, and I just don't understand it, and I ain't got no valentine. Yeah. You know, I'm the only pig in the house, and so it's just always kind of a weird day for me, you know?

Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's, yeah, that makes sense, but here's the thing, Pig, is Valentine's Day is cool and everything, because it's a day where you can, like, show your love for other people and get little cards and get little candies and gifts. I love candy. I know you do. It's good. I do, too. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: But the thing is… You're going to say that I don't get nothing because… No, wait, what? No, I wasn't going to say that. Because nobody loves me? Pig. Is that what you was going to say? Pig. I'm a guy.

Natty Bumpercar: No, man, stop it. So, no, this is the thing. It doesn't… Valentine's Day is rough because it's, like, one day, and everybody focuses on it, and you're like, oh, I like this person on this day, but you like every… I like you every day. You're my valentine every single day.

Aloysious J. Pig: Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. No. Right? No. T-I-M-E?

Natty Bumpercar: It's not. And I was actually… It's weird because I was trying to say something nice to you, and you're derailing it with this, but valentime, I guess it makes sense because it's, like, time for valentines. Time, yeah. Valentines is what it is.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're on the same page here. No. It's valentimers. No, I said valentines.

Natty Bumpercar: An N, not an M, an N. Okay. Yeah, an N. I don't… Can we just… Okay, listen. Go ahead. So, here's the thing. Valentine's Day, according to my research, it was also called St. Valentine's Day, and it was based… Or the Feast of St. Valentine, so it's been around for many, many, many years, and I guess there was a dude named Valentine, and he got named after him. I don't know. It's one of those holidays. This isn't one of the ones, though. So, where they, like, Christmas, which is based on a solstice, or Easter, which is based on a solstice, this is… And a solstice is, like, some moon and sun stuff up there. This is just St. Valentine, dude. But it's basically… It's a day that's been built around just expressing your love for someone. Even me. Your friendship, your love, your gratitude, your… All these things. So, you can say, Happy Valentine's Day, right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. So, who do I say it to? Because I don't understand who I'm supposed to say it to. Well… Is it gonna be awkward or weird? No. Or something? Are people gonna make fun of me?

Natty Bumpercar: No, Pig. I think people appreciate when you say it to them. I think it's kind of like a nice thing. You can just be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day. I think you can just kind of wander around. Today's one of those days where you can just be like, Hey, you!

Aloysious J. Pig: Happy Valentine's Day.

Natty Bumpercar: And then, here's the fear, though, because once you've opened that door to conversation, you don't know what's gonna come through that door. So, you could be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day! And they could be like, Is it? Is it really? And then, you're like, Oh, no! Now, I'm in this conversation! Oh! But, you know what? That's fine. Let them get it off their chest. Don't let it stick to you, but, you know, just… Happy Valentine's… And then, you move on. Happy Valentine's Day! Is it? See you later! That's what you do. You run away from the situation. Which is a completely legitimate thing to do sometimes.

Aloysious J. Pig: So, wait. The other day, when you came in the room, and I was kind of quiet, and you was like, Sup, pig? And I said, Well, and then you turned and skadoot? Yeah. Is that what… Did you do that to me? Yeah. You didn't want to hear my props? Mate, I…

Natty Bumpercar: Yes, I was gonna say I was getting a phone call, but I was not getting a phone call. I just… I had a… Yes, I'm sorry. That's what I did to you, and I apologize. So, anyway. Back to who's gonna be your valentine. Pig, I could be your valentine. I would love to be your valentine.

Aloysious J. Pig: Would you like to be my valentine? Is that socially acceptable? Is this a norm? Can we… Is this okay for a pig and a gentleman such as you to be valentines?

Natty Bumpercar: Can we do that? Absolutely. Of course we can. I mean, that's the thing with Valentine's Day. Popcorn the dog, she's my valentine. My sweet, sweet kids, they're my valentines. All my bumper pod casketeers, you don't know it, but you're my valentines. Because it's just… It's anybody's… Everybody's my valentine. Anybody and everybody. We're all valentines around here.

Aloysious J. Pig: It sounds like this is not a very, um, exclusive club. Like, it's just… It's any… Hey, look at that, uh, that, that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, look at that ball by the curb. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? No. I guess you're my valentines now, huh?

Natty Bumpercar: So, no, that's not fair, because those are all inanimate objects.

Aloysious J. Pig: A leaf is clearly animate, sir. It's on a tree, which is a living being. And I believe that you are incorrect.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine. You're starting to sound a lot like Rufus T. Rufus. I think you're hanging out with a lawyer too much there, pig.

Aloysious J. Pig: Actually, I've been doing a lot of research on pig law because I think that there's a niche in the market that a lot of pigs are unrepresented. And, uh, so, just branching out as I do.

Natty Bumpercar: As you do. Well, so, okay, fine. So, no, a ball or a cheese doodle, I guess they could be your valentine if you want. But, uh, I'm not gonna stop you, clearly. The leaf. I mean, a tree would be a great valentine. It's there. You can come and visit it. You can give it a hug. You can tell it nice things. You can tell it secrets. And a tree is gonna hold on to all that. I would love to have a tree as a valentine. But I think, most importantly, so… What? Do you want to be my valentine?

Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, uh, so, huh. After you kind of said, like, everything in the whole planet is your valentine, it soured it a little bit for me. But I guess, sure. I don't want to, like, let you down, because I don't want to make you sad or nothing. But I got to ask, is it, like, contractually binding? Like, if I'm your valentine, can I then be somebody else's valentine or whatever?

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, yeah, of course. You can have many valentines. That's the cool thing. Because you're just spreading the love out. You're just sending it out to the world. Have a great… It's kind of like saying, have a great day. You're like, happy valentine. But in that second… That's how it works. It's a quick transference project. It's happy valentine. Boom, you're my valentine. And then if you turn, happy valentine. Boom, now you're my valentine. It's like this. It's moving around, right? But you leave a little bit of residual valentine with the people. So it's going everywhere. So…

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, this seems kind of strange.

Natty Bumpercar: Really?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, it does. I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: Well, it's because it's like, all right, fine, cool. This is very noncommittal. Like, I didn't want it to get into, like, being, like, a contract. Like, you're my one and only valentine for the rest of forever. But also, this now feels completely opposite. Like, we went the other direction. Where it's just like, ah, for this half a second, sure, you're my valentine. Okay, now that dog over there, that's my valentine. It's like, you know, I need a little bit in the middle. Kind of in the middle there. If we could figure out a way to take your extreme, take that extreme, put them in the middle, and then I think we'll be set. Fine. That makes sense.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, okay, that makes sense. But, yes, fine. That makes sense. So, I don't know how we want to do that. Are there going to be rules? Like, will we have to, like, limit how many people we valentine? Or is there, like, a time limit where it's just like, you can't happy valentine people, you have to wait, like, 30 seconds or something like that? Or a minute? Or, I don't know, like, what kind of structure we're going to do to meet the middle, as you were saying.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I think that's going to be tough. Maybe we're not going to get it done this year. It seems like kind of a big project. But, I feel, you know, I just think, like, we can work on it. It's another, it's a, we can work on figuring some rules out. Let's just hammer some rules out. And then we memorialize them. We put them in a document. And then we have meetings. Probably some meetings. And maybe rent a room to have a meeting in. There's a lot of meetings

Natty Bumpercar: happening right now, right?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Well, I do, I love having meetings because usually there's Danish meetings.

Natty Bumpercar: You know how I love a Danish. You do love a Danish. All right, but for now, fine. We'll figure out some sort of structures. Some sort of rules for Valentine's Day. And we can figure out if we have anything in the budget for meetings and Danish. And, but I think for now, for today, I want everybody listening and everybody not listening. Have a happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, you did the wide net there thing again.

Aloysious J. Pig: And you just did everybody listening. Everybody not listening. Hey, hey, ooh, hi. Everybody in the whole wide world. Like, it's just, let's target focus a little bit.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, so to everyone listening, I hope you have the most wonderful Valentine's Day ever. And I hope you feel loved and I hope you feel appreciated. And I hope you feel awesome because listen, every morning when you wake up, if you look around and if you feel sad and you're like, oh, Valentine's Day, this is a rough day. I don't have anybody that loves me. Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. All right, because you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You. You go to bed. You know who's there? You are. So try to be nice to yourself, especially today. It's great to have Valentine, to walk around and say Happy Valentine's Day to people and just to share that love or whatever. But you got to make sure that you give a little bit of that love back. So go to a mirror after you listen to this podcast if you can find one and look at it and just say Happy Valentine's Day and give yourself a big smile because you're the Valentine that's always going to be there for you that knows you're like the tree. You know all your secrets. You know all your wants, all your desires, all your hopes, all your fears. It's all there. And so you got to take care of yourself because otherwise, what do you got? What do you got? You're out there.

Aloysious J. Pig: You got a Danish, maybe?

Natty Bumpercar: No, there's no Danish. Oh, okay.

Aloysious J. Pig: I was hoping for a Danish. Well, you got very, you got very, I don't know what you just got, I don't know what you just got there, but you got very, very, very real, Bumpercar. We went from kind of a silly thing about a pig in Valentine's to, you know, and I agree with you. People aren't nice enough to themselves. And in this world, you know, you got to be nice to yourself because there's a lot of things out there that ain't going to feel good and that ain't going to be nice to you. So on this Valentine's Day, I like what you're doing, Bums. You took it back to another extreme. Instead of loving everybody, just make sure you love yourself, okay? And then when you do that, then other people are going to love you. It's just like a, it's like a thing. I don't know. I ain't got terms for this. I didn't go to no psychology school.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, it's tough. I, it's, it's, it's, yeah. I was trying to bring it back to the tree because we were talking about the tree earlier with the leaf and like, maybe like the seed, like the acorns or like the seeds or, you know, whatever. And, you know, I don't, but I had a hard time with that.

Aloysious J. Pig: It's like, happy Valentine's. Make like a tree and leaf. That wasn't nice. Hey, like, what's a tree that has acorns? Hey, happy Valentine's Day. You're nuts. Like, that's not nice either. No. Happy Valentine's Day. My, my, my bark is worse. That's for a dog. This is for a dog. My bark is worse than my bite. No, that don't work neither. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, I, uh, I can't think of one with oak. Oak, you sure you want to be my Valentine? I don't know. It just, it's very silly. I don't, I'm trying to, I don't know any other trees is what I just realized. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm pining for you. Happy Valentine's Day. Magnolia, be my Valentine's? That's not one either. Happy Valentine's Day. Dogwood trees have flowers. No. Happy Valentine's Day. Ash trees.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Have papery bark. No.

Natty Bumpercar: That's, I think I'll let you go on with that quite long. Enough. Um, happy Valentine's Day. Um. Oh, my love is like deep seeded roots for you. There's, that's one. I, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway. Listen, Bumper Podcast. Thank you so much for listening as always. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, pig is my current Valentine. But if I see you on the street, I'll certainly say happy Valentine's Day to you. And, uh, have a great day. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Love everyone. Please. We need more of that in the world. Please, please, please. And if you can, try to have some chocolate. Chocolate's good. Chocolate's good. If you can't have chocolate, I don't know, draw yourself a nice picture or have a nice water. Have a nice water. Happy Valentine's Day. Have some water.

Aloysious J. Pig: That's a terrible slogan.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. That's why I don't do the marketing. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Water? I, I think you were better off with the tree thing. Ah.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: All right.

Natty Bumpercar: We better leave, huh? Okay. We're back to that. All right. Uh, pig, I hope you feel better and thank you for being my Valentine's. I love you. Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: I love you too, man.

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February 14, 2020