Tag: family

  • Bumperpodcast #296 – Laser Lightning Trees

    Bumperpodcast #296 – Laser Lightning Trees

    Lasers – Lightning – Explosions – Trees! It’s a hyperactive and hyper-short edition of the Bumperpodcast!

    Do you like trees? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    This is a ‘Laser Lightning’ version of the Bumperpodcast – which is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this laser lightning episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares the exciting (or "inciting") news that a dying oak tree in his backyard is about to be removed. The giant three-story tree has been dropping branches and threatening to fall on his house, so professionals are coming to take it down. Natty reflects on the tree's long history and how it's been there much longer than his three years at the house. He recounts his children's hilarious reactions to the news, with one son spiraling through various concerns about the house, the swing set, and even their dog Socks potentially being traumatized by the tree removal. This charming episode captures the comedy of everyday family life and childhood anxieties.

    Memorable Quotes

    “i got so excited that i actually said inciting so this is so inciting that i can't even stand it”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “he was like change i don't like change and i was like bro relax and he was just like but they're gonna drop it on our house”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “his next one was like what about socks that's our dog obviously and i was just like what why are we worried about him”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #trees #family #homemaintenance #children #pets #anxiety #change

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: okay bumper podcast this is another laser lightning episode of the bumper podcast and today i gotta tell you it's something it's inciting inciting that's not the word i wanted to say i was trying to say exciting but i got so excited that i actually said inciting so this is so inciting that i can't even stand it in fact oh it's inciting excitement that's where we are right now uh so today the excitement that has been incited is that there is a tree in our backyard is a giant tree it is an oak tree it has a sickness it is dying it is dropping branches everywhere it thinks that it wants to sleep on my house i do not want it to sleep on my house the man is going to come with his tools maybe several men i don't know maybe a truck i don't know maybe a robot i don't know and uh the tree is going to be removed now it's kind of sad to me because this is a tree that is big it's probably uh three stories tall about 35 feet or whatever uh but i and so it's been there a long time it's been it's been here a lot longer than i've been here i've only been in this in this place uh three years or so and uh this tree it's been there all right it was it was maybe it was a little acorn is that what oaks would what oaks come from oak nut maybe it was you're gonna granola i don't know maybe it was but maybe it was here maybe it like a bird ate something a seed flew over and then deposited the seed and then the little sapling came up and then the people said oh that would look nice in 30 years or 40 years or however i don't know how old 100 years i don't know how old the tree is it won't tell me it's not polite for me to ask how old the tree is but uh the tree is going to go away and i told my children this and they freaked out not because the tree was going although one of them did because he was like change i don't like change and i was like bro relax and he was just like but they're gonna drop it on our house and i was like well we're hoping they don't do that okay that's kind of the goal is to not drop the tree on the house and then he was just like but what about art and he starts looking around the yard for things to freak out swing set and i was like the swing sets on the other side of the yard it's not gonna not gonna hit that and then he his next one was like what about socks that's our dog obviously and i was just like what why are we worried about him and i don't he couldn't really articulate what he was trying he was worried about but he was kind of freaked out that the dog is gonna be upset about it maybe you know like oh that's the dog's tree that's his best friend he hangs out with well no he's a dog he's a dog he's a smelly smelly dog the uh the uh we were we were putting some clothes away i mean my wife and i this little transition and uh i couldn't figure out whose clothes were whose whose clothes belonged to who and she i was just like which one is which one does this go to

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  • Bumperpodcast #293 – Turkeys and Rabbits

    Bumperpodcast #293 – Turkeys and Rabbits

    We talk about rabbits, and other things that come into your house and leave things. We also meet Rolly T. Rufus – Rufus’ brother!

    Have you ever met a rabbit? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic spring episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig brings Turkey into the studio to deliver an urgent warning about an impending bunny situation. Host Natty Bumpercar struggles to understand what's happening as Rufus T. Rufus arrives with his older brother Raleigh T. Rufus, creating unexpected family drama. The conversation veers wildly from Easter bunny warnings to sibling rivalry, with Pig attempting to keep everyone focused on the mysterious rabbit threat. Natty reflects on the strange tradition of mythical creatures breaking into homes during holidays, from Santa to the Easter Bunny to leprechauns. The episode showcases the show's signature improvisational chaos as multiple characters talk over each other and the narrative spirals delightfully out of control.

    Memorable Quotes

    “It's this weird infatuation when you have kids at holidays of these creatures these magical mythical creatures that break into your house and do stuff.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Sign on the dotted line and then I'll be a really rich swine. That's my new song.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I'm Rufus T. Rufus I don't listen to nobody never not once.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    Topics: #easter #family #holidays #chaos #siblingrivalry #mythicalcreatures #turkey #bunnies

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Turkey, Rufus T. Rufus, Raleigh T. Rufus

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: oh hey turkey turkey turkey turkey okay uh okay so here's the thing hey turkey hey all right everybody that's me aloesha's jay pig and i got turkeys in here too which is weird because it ain't really your holiday season you know proud and you just cock a little dough you're a turkey first off it's spring second off

    Natty Bumpercar: turkeys don't cock a total dough what are we doing hey guys it's me uh natty bumper guard what's up son you're the bumper podcast what's turkey doing here yeah you

    Aloysious J. Pig: yeah so i don't know is the answer i don't speak turkey so well but from my understanding he's upset about something so i decided to come in ruffle his feathers a little bit use the airwaves a little bit on the schedule you know embrace the platform that is the bumper podcast and get his word out on the streets on the main streets of turkey town well that's fine it's fine but normally

    Natty Bumpercar: you know uh i don't mind dropping a little bit of air on the streets of turkey town i've been guests from time to time but uh it's usually a reason that people are stopping by and uh turkey can you i don't speak turkey very well either i apologize but can you maybe just let us

    Aloysious J. Pig: know why you're here i guess okay i see what he is okay okay okay okay i'm getting it i'm not seeing anything what are you doing

    Natty Bumpercar: oh okay so you're here because in theory later this week at some point a bunny rabbit is going to come to my house with a basket of goodies for the children and so you're warning me that to keep an eye out for this bunny is is that was i i think that's what i got from what you were just saying is that right okay all right

    Aloysious J. Pig: on its way i think what turkey has brought to the table right now is i think we got ourselves a bunny situation a bit of a bunny situation a bit of a rabbit bunny situation situation so yeah betting down the hatches people what are you talking about

    Natty Bumpercar: what is about to happen what i don't understand what do you mean what is about to happen is something bad about to happen oh okay bye turkey thanks for the warning

    Turkey: hey who are you did y'all see that turkey just walking in the room that was just here

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah i did he's the biggest turkey out ever turkey but who are you huh who are you me yes

    Aloysious J. Pig: you my name is is Raleigh T. Rufus Raleigh T. Rufus and I you might make my acquaintance with my friend

    Rufus T. Rufus: well well well there he is there he is this is a time when family gets together bumper cars you met the acquaintance of my brother there he is he's a little bit littler but he's a lot bit older Mr. Raleigh T. Rufus there he is I'll buy that right now give it to him one time Raleigh

    Raleigh T. Rufus: this is gonna talk to y'all and then I saw that turkey and I was saying to myself what's a turkey like that turkey doing over here is this turkey town

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't know what's happening Rufus hi I haven't seen you in a while Raleigh you're really great I think you need to get closer to the microphone if you're gonna be on the podcast though cause you this is a recording booth and we're actually recording a podcast right now you know you wouldn't believe it I barely believe it based on what's happening hey Bumps

    Aloysious J. Pig: uh who is this dude what's up Ruf I got some paperwork I need you to fill out and sign and everything okay sign on the dotted line and then I'll be a really rich swine that's my new song I'm really rich but I said witch sign on the dotted line and then I'll be a really rich swine it's harder to do I think I'm just gonna stick with witch that's fine right

    Raleigh T. Rufus: what else do I say in here

    Natty Bumpercar: oh gosh

    Raleigh T. Rufus: Rufus is that a talking pig

    Aloysious J. Pig: that I'm looking at over there

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah it's a talking pig

    Aloysious J. Pig: what is this planet that you have broughted me to what is this I don't even understand this is what mama said she didn't want you to hang out with wait really you should go back home I ain't going back home you should go back home Rufus don't you Rufus don't you Rufus you need to come along with me right now

    Rufus T. Rufus: these are my business associates and they come we record I manage I am their manager I am their lawyer emeritus I do all of their paperwork I take care of everything I am the magician behind the scenes really that's what you're calling yourself I will be staying here and you go home and you can tell mom that's what the deal is I'm Rufus T. Rufus I don't listen to nobody never not once

    Natty Bumpercar: you know what my new wow I guess we're stuck in weird family drama now between Rufus and me and Raleigh my new favorite thing in the bumper podcast that I'm just now noticing is how every time somebody talks into the mic they say who they are because that's I feel like a really good sign of character development is when people have to be like hi my name is Natty Bumpercar I'm saying these words now oh and I am Pig I'm going to say these words my name is whatever Raleigh I mean there's a lot of names I guess that makes sense nobody

    Aloysious J. Pig: they can't see his brow so that makes sense

    Natty Bumpercar: so it makes sense that we're saying names yeah totally okay you know what carry on as you were you guys are doing a great job

    Aloysious J. Pig: so anyway I'm Aloysius J. Pig I'm just messing with you guys everybody knows who I am who I am I'm stuck down here with all these these these these backwards dudes it's just weird for me because where I come from is the big city the big mean dirty streets not a turkey town no no I come from the big mean streets of you know like over by Brooklyn Coffee Can Alley or Brown you know wherever I live I don't know where I live I live where I stay people come up to me all the time and they say hey Pig where do you stay and I say where do I stay and they said nice one where do you stay and they say I stay down here up the hill you know you know what I'm talking about

    Natty Bumpercar: no I don't think anybody knows what you're talking about yeah it was a lot of it made more sense when Turkey was here this is kind of definitely off the rails when Turkey was here at least we had it felt like we had a name narrative a through line narrative for the episode but then to be honest and I feel bad I'm not going to point any fingers but when Raleigh showed up excuse me I don't know what happened don't they stop making sense

    Aloysious J. Pig: a little bit you stop making you can't handle the truth you know what Rufus we need to go find us that turkey we need to go have ourselves a bit of a conversation with him about a few things for instance what kind of stuffing is better you know

    Rufus T. Rufus: oh now there he goes he's falling asleep falling asleep at the wheel as he does that's why he can't drive at night anymore you know what bumper car I had something I wanted to talk to you about but I'm not going to but I agree this whole ship has gone off of the rails that's fine I mixed my analogies up but y'all all have fun with your bunny talk or whatever you was going to talk about and I'm going to take my brother Raleigh T. Rufus on home tomorrow and we're going to have ourselves a final time going to go talk to that turkey that was inappropriate when he was going to have us a turkey but I think it's going to be just fine just fine pig you all go ahead and mail me your paperwork make sure to get it annotated notated and Rufus-tated Rufus-tated if you know what I'm saying and we will return

    Natty Bumpercar: okay wow well thanks for stopping by Rufus's brothers of Rufus brothers Rufus the brothers Rufus that's your name that's a good name your podcast it's never going to happen

    Aloysious J. Pig: so we should talk about we should talk about about the bunny we should talk about the bunny before people forget about the bunny

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah so

    Aloysious J. Pig: go ahead you go you do it you do it

    Natty Bumpercar: so it's this weird infatuation when you have kids at holidays of these creatures these magical mythical creatures that break into your house and do stuff we've got the elf on the shelf that comes around Christmas obviously there's Santa Claus that comes around Christmas now we have the leprechauns that we try to capture at St. Patrick's Day and then there's the and then there's this Easter bunny that comes and distributes eggs all around the house I don't think there's any other ones that I'm forgetting no there's nothing on Halloween there's not like thank goodness because that would that would not work out because the kids are already terrified enough but like get out of my house

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  • Bumperpodcast #288 – Dinos & Animals

    Bumperpodcast #288 – Dinos & Animals

    Today, we have one of our favorite guests on the show to talk about dinosaurs, and animals. It’s more fun than it should be on today’s Bumperpodcast!

    Do you listen? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this heartwarming episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is joined by a special guest, Oliver, who's home sick from school with wobbly legs and a cough. The two dive into an adorable discussion about dinosaurs, covering sauropods, theropods, and omnivores while trying to remember which creatures eat what. They also chat about Oliver's recent dentist visit where he learned he has forty teeth, and transition into talking about meat-eating and plant-eating animals from lions to giraffes. The episode concludes with Oliver performing an impromptu song about all his favorite things, from dinosaurs to family members, making this a sweet and silly departure from the show's usual puppet-driven format.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I didn't know I had a million teeth! Oh, he said ten teeth on the hair and ten teeth on here.”

    — Oliver

    “Don't spit on my microphone with your little sick spit, and don't touch your mouth with your sick germs. Keep your germs away from me! Daddy's got shows this weekend!”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “That means I'm an omnivore. Yeah, because I eat anything.”

    — Oliver

    Topics: #dinosaurs #animals #family #children #education #beingsick #dentist

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh hey Bumper Podcast, it's me Natty Bumper Car and today I've got a little friend. Who is it?

    Unknown: Oliver.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oliver, why are you here? What's going on?

    Unknown: I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why are you at home today?

    Unknown: Because I don't have school.

    Natty Bumpercar: But I think you do have school. I don't have school because my head will hurt. Your head was hurting? Yeah. And what happened when you were going down the stairs? What happened to your legs?

    Unknown: They were wobbly.

    Natty Bumpercar: You had wobbly legs? Oh no! That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Do you feel better now?

    Unknown: Yeah!

    Natty Bumpercar: That makes me happy. You slept a lot today. Uh oh. You have a big cough too, right?

    Unknown: I know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why do you keep coughing? All the time.

    Unknown: I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, do you think you keep coughing because you're a frog?

    Unknown: Wah!

    Natty Bumpercar: Because if you're a frog, I need to know right now, my friend. Wah! Okay, you're not a frog. Hey Ollie, so when you were sleeping today, did you have any dreams or anything? Yeah! What did you dream about? I don't know! Secret dreams? No! You don't have to yell. You don't have to yell because people can hear you. Were they… Silly dreams, or funny dreams, or scary dreams?

    Unknown: They're not scary dreams.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Unknown: I'm scared of scary dreams!

    Natty Bumpercar: You're scared of scary dreams? Okay, I didn't know that. Let's stop touching everything, all right? Let's put our hands on our knees. That's good. We can hear you breathing. Breathing and coughing. That's going to be the name of this podcast. Breathing and coughing. And breathing and coughing. Breathing and coughing. Breathing and coughing. Ah. Um, so Ollie, what did you do this week that was fun? Did you go somewhere and lay down on a chair and they… I did…

    Unknown: Wait a minute.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait a minute. Where did you go this week?

    Unknown: Uh, nowhere!

    Natty Bumpercar: Your brother was there too? He was in a different room?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Where'd you go?

    Unknown: We don't know. I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: And then afterwards they gave you a prize?

    Unknown: What is that?

    Natty Bumpercar: You're like a goldfish. You have no memory. This was…

    Unknown: Is that the dentist?

    Natty Bumpercar: That's it. You went to the dentist. Was it fun?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: What did you do there? Did they look at your teeth? Did they count your teeth? Yeah. How many teeth did you have?

    Unknown: A million? Oh, he said ten teeth on the hair and ten teeth on here.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, so you had ten teeth on that side. So you had twenty teeth? Ten. But ten on this side on the bottom. Ten on this side on the bottom. Ten on this side on the top. Ten on the bottom. 10 on the top, 10 on that side on the top, so that's 10, 20, 30, 40!

    Unknown: Oh, yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yep, yep.

    Unknown: I didn't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: And did they ask you any questions, like how many times did you brush your teeth?

    Unknown: Yep.

    Natty Bumpercar: And what did you say? Uh… You said twice, I think you said. But you don't. You actually only brush them once. Dirty little secret. But we need to start brushing them twice, right? Don't spit on my microphone with your little sick spit, and don't touch your mouth with your sick germs. Keep your germs away from me! Daddy's got shows this weekend! Bum, bum, bum. Hey, what is your, um, you want to talk about dinosaurs?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Dinosaurs or animals, what do you think is a better thing to talk about?

    Unknown: Dinosaurs.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, of course.

    Unknown: I don't know what all the dinosaurs are. Let's do them.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Uh, what is a sauropod?

    Unknown: Uh, stegosaurus?

    Natty Bumpercar: Stegosaurus is, isn't a sauropod the one that, that are on two feet? Yeah. Didn't we figure that out? Oh, T-Rex! T-Rex is, is a sauropod.

    Unknown: And Spinosaurus!

    Natty Bumpercar: Spinosaurus is a, I hope we're doing this right. I think a Spinosaurus, if, if, if two feet is a sauropod, then Spinosaurus. Spinosaurus is a sauropod. Yeah, he walks on two legs.

    Unknown: What about, uh, what's another one?

    Natty Bumpercar: Dimetrodon eats meat because he walks on four legs. Wait, Dimetrodon?

    Unknown: Yeah. Does he eat meat? Yeah, because he walks on four legs. But if he walks on four legs, isn't he a theropod and doesn't he not eat meat?

    Natty Bumpercar: I thought most theropods were plant eaters. Some theropods eat meat.

    Unknown: Oh. So if they eat meat, what kind of, what are they?

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh, are they omnivores? They're omnivores. They're omnivores. They're omnivores. Okay, so what kind of omnivores are they? They're omnivores. They're omnivores.

    Unknown: They're omnivores. They're omnivores. Are they? A troodon is an omnivore.

    Natty Bumpercar: A troodon is? Yeah. He's also the smartest dinosaur. Right? Yep.

    Unknown: That's what the book said. Do we read a lot of books about dinosaurs?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Unknown: Uh, what are the kind that fly? I can't think of that. Uh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

    Unknown: Uh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

    Unknown: Uh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

    Unknown: Paracelophilus. Paracelophilus?

    Natty Bumpercar: Paracelophilus? Yeah. Is he a… Yeah, he's a plant eater. What is a distinguishing feature of a Paracelophilus? Like, what is something different about him? It's on his head.

    Unknown: He has a crest.

    Natty Bumpercar: He has a crest or does he have a horn?

    Unknown: Crest.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, he has a crest. Okay. And I thought, but isn't he the one who can make noises with the thing on his head?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Are there any… So let's say you talk about meat eaters. We talked about… Plant eaters. Are there any other kinds of dinosaurs? Yeah. What kind?

    Unknown: Swimming creatures.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, swimming creatures.

    Unknown: I know what it is. A plesiosaurs.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, I like plesiosaurs. What do the swimming creatures eat?

    Unknown: Fish.

    Natty Bumpercar: They eat fish? Okay. You know, I don't like fish.

    Unknown: A dinosuchus?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, wait. What is a dinosuchus? You saw that on your show.

    Unknown: It's a crocodile. It's a big, big crocodile.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it is? It sounds kind of scary.

    Unknown: Fish sticks or fish?

    Natty Bumpercar: Fish sticks or fish. Yeah. So a dinosuchus… I like to eat it. You like… You love fish sticks, don't you? Maybe for dinner we'll have some fish sticks.

    Unknown: Whether it be… Not chicken ones. I don't like the chicken ones.

    Natty Bumpercar: You don't like the chicken sticks? You like fish sticks?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's good to know. So does that mean you're a sea dinosaur? A water dinosaur?

    Unknown: I eat chicken nuggets or meat. And broccoli. Broccoli and peas?

    Natty Bumpercar: Broccoli and peas are your favorite vegetables.

    Unknown: Plants. Okay. That means I'm an omnivore.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're an omnivore?

    Unknown: Yeah, because I eat anything.

    Natty Bumpercar: You know what else is an omnivore? What? A wolf.

    Unknown: Why?

    Natty Bumpercar: Because they eat anything they can get their hands on. I think wolves are. And bears are, too. Right?

    Unknown: They both eat meat.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, but they eat meat, but they'll eat… Bears will eat berries and stuff, too. And I think maybe roots and whatnot. Fish! They'll eat fish. I think they'll eat fish. They love salmon. They'll catch salmon right out of the river.

    Unknown: And we like some… I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: But do you think…

    Unknown: Let's talk about animals now.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you want to talk about animals now? You're really driving the show. This is great.

    Unknown: Let's talk about meat eaters.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, we're back to meat eaters.

    Unknown: Lions!

    Natty Bumpercar: Lions are meat eaters. What about hyenas?

    Unknown: Yep.

    Natty Bumpercar: What about… Is a zebra a meat eater?

    Unknown: No. No, it's a plant eater.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's a plant eater.

    Unknown: And a tiger.

    Natty Bumpercar: Tiger is a meat eater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about an eagle?

    Unknown: Fish eater.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fish eater. Womp, womp.

    Unknown: That's all the meat eaters.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's all of them? There's got to be more than that.

    Unknown: I think there's one that I know.

    Natty Bumpercar: What about Irving Brownsox? Is he a meat eater?

    Unknown: He's a dog eater.

    Natty Bumpercar: Ew! He's not a… He is a dog. He's not a dog eater. Come on.

    Unknown: Socks is our pet.

    Natty Bumpercar: Socks is our pet. You're right. You're so right. How could I ever forget that? Oh my goodness.

    Unknown: Now let's talk about plant eaters.

    Natty Bumpercar: Plant eaters. Where my plant eaters at? Whoop, whoop, whoop. What's a plant eater?

    Unknown: A zebra.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, and what about a giraffe?

    Unknown: Yeah!

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you know that giraffe's necks are so long?

    Unknown: Yeah. With the blackish horses.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you're very right. We're bringing it back around to dinosaurs. You're really good at this, Oliver. I had no idea. You're better at it than I am. Normally I just get on here and say a lot of junk for ten minutes. Do you think we should go pretty soon?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, we've got to go. Where are we going to go? What do we got to do? We got some errands? We got to go pick up some garbage?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: What are we going to go pick up?

    Unknown: Emerson.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. Oh, we got to go pick Emerson up. That's right. Because he went to school today. You've been out of school. You were out of school yesterday. You're out of school today. You're probably, I don't even know. We're going to see about tomorrow. Because you are not getting much better. But you say you're feeling better. You just had that little fever yesterday.

    Unknown: Now can we go back upstairs, please?

    Natty Bumpercar: Before we go upstairs, can you sing me a quick song?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, let's hold on. Let's think about it. Do you want to hear a song?

    Unknown: Yeah. It was all my favorite.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, do that one. One, two, three, go.

    Unknown: It was all my favorite. It was all my favorite. It's all the dinosaurs. It's all the farm animals. It's all the jellyfish. It's all the fishies. It's all the whales. It's all the polar bears. It's all the… Oh. Oh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Mommy and Daddy.

    Unknown: It's both an hours. It's Mommy and Daddy and Saxton.

    Natty Bumpercar: And Emerson.

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: And Gigi and Pop-Pop?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: And Keegan and Kam?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Hooray. I love you, buddy.

    Unknown: Okay. Let's go.

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  • Bumperpodcast #283 – Sleepy Bumpercar

    Bumperpodcast #283 – Sleepy Bumpercar

    It’s the return of Sleepy Bumpercar, and his semi-unintelligible blabbering! What a treat.

    Do you ever sleep? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. 

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this hilariously exhausted episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares his sleep-deprived adventures in parenting. Between middle-of-the-night wake-ups from wolf-fearing children and the comedy of being rejected at 3 AM in favor of "Mommy," Natty somehow finds energy to discuss his recent banana nut muffin baking triumph and his upcoming gig hosting a kids' comedy show at The Creek and Cave in New York City. With Rufus T. Rufus having moved to a motel and Pig fast asleep, Natty carries this solo episode through sheer determination and caffeine-fueled rambling. He details his plans to bring his sons Emerson and Ollie to the show, dealing with stage fright and incomplete chicken-crossing-the-road jokes along the way.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You know how that makes you feel at 3 in the morning when you've been woken up by these children? And then they kick you out of their room? It does not feel good.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Emerson told me that he gets stage fright. And I was just like, you're seven. How do you know about stage fright?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If I lose the kids in the city, I'm in big trouble. Oh, I am in Dutch. Oh, I am doomed.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #sleepdeprivation #comedy #kidsshows #baking #stagefright #family

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well hello there bumper podcast it's me whatever my name is and this is the whatever this thing is and here we are all together doing this thing that we do all every so often not every not every week i don't want to say it's every week do i sound tired i feel like i sound tired i feel like you can hear the tiredness in my voice that's fine it's true this is my truth this is my this is the story of the boy who cries wolf and um we're trying to teach him a little lesson about uh not not lying not making everything about yourself a little life lesson a little moral of the story is uh well the moral of the story is that uh your child is going to wake up in the middle of the night and think that there's a wolf in the house uh coming to get them and so then you're awake in the middle of the night with your kids and you can't go back to sleep because what if there's a wolf in your house you know you never know did i lock the wolf door i don't remember did i leave a wolf key by the mat maybe they found it and came in i don't i don't know that's scary it's scarifying scarifying is uh scared and terrifying scary and terrifying scarifying i guess i don't know how are you how are you Why don't you do some talking today? I think that makes a little bit more sense. I don't know if I have enough gas in my tank to get us through this episode. So what I'm asking is for you to take the wheel, just take over, do whatever, contribute. What? Pig? He's asleep. Rufus T. Rufus? He moved into a motel down the street. What I'm telling you, everyone is suffering because of this lack of sleep. All right? Everyone. Even the kids. They have little bags under their eyes, little circles. Why am I so tired? Because you don't sleep at night. Yes, I do. But you don't. Remember? No. And that's the thing. I think that there's still kind of a sleep. When they're awake, which blows my mind because they're definitely awake. They're yelling, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, or even better, even better, even better, Mommy, Mommy. And then I go into the room. I didn't ask for you. I asked for Mommy. Like that. You know how that makes you feel at 3 in the morning when you've been woken up by these children? And then they kick you out of their room? It does not feel good. It does not feel like a happy moment in your life. There's veins. Did you know that you have veins in your forehead? I don't know if they're veins. I don't know what they are necessarily. But they'll start to throb. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like that. And you're just like, Mommy's not here. And you turn into a hair metal band, like the lead singer. You're just like, Mommy's not here. I start yelling, which then wakes everybody up, which is good. Because if I'm going to suffer, every… No, that's not how I feel. Man, I feel a little bit better now. I feel like I got that. that off my chest i feel like the uh we're kicking into second gear maybe uh which is good let me tell you let me tell you bumper podcast about my week last week i made banana nut muffins what yes i saw the bananas they were blackened and old in the uh the banana bowl whatever wherever the bananas hide out the fruit bowl and i was like i'm gonna make some banana muffins and then i looked and we had all the ingredients and so you know what i did i made them and one of the kids even helped he was helping me dump stuff into the mixer and uh but then he got bored and he went upstairs but uh they turned out amazing and some of them have nuts in them and then some of them don't have nuts in them because you can't take nuts to school and so you have to remember oh the bunny muffin covers do not have mutts mutts nuts oh i see i was trying to put on a I was trying to put on a brave front there and act like I was awake. This weekend, I'm doing a show. I'm doing a kid's show. A kid's show. It's at 1 o'clock in the afternoon in the city. And actually, it's going to be me and the boys are going to go to, it's at a comedy club called The Creek and Cave, which is such a nice club. I don't want to turn this into a commercial, but I really love The Creek and Cave. It's something about it. I walked in, and I was just like, oh, this is where I'm supposed to do jokes. This makes sense for me to do jokes. This place works in my brain. Now, if I can progress past just doing the kid's show at 1 o'clock on Saturdays, then we'll have something in our pocket. Anyway, so this kid's show, I did it a couple of months ago. And I just did my little set, and then I came home. And then, like, I did it. The next day, the guy, this really nice guy named Paul, he was like, hey, do I do it again? And I was like, yes, yes. And he's like, cool, I'm going to have you close the show. I'm going to give you extra time. You did a great job. And I was like, all right, look at that. So then I went, didn't end up closing the show, which is fine, but had a great time. So now we're two for two. And on that show, it was the week before Christmas, and it was snowy, and seven people came. So it was a little depressing. The first time, it was, like, sold out, which is fun. Now, he reaches out to me, and he was just like, hey, you want to do the show again? Yes. Well, do you want to host it? Because I'm not going to be around. And I was just like, you want me to run the show? I can run the show. I run shows. So as it happens, the wife is going to be out of town. And so I was just like, well, this is perfect. I'm taking me. I'm taking Paul. I'm taking the boys. We're going into the big city, and we're going to do a show. And here's how it works is in between each comedian, the kids in the audience are actually able to, there's joke books that they've brought, and they're able to tell their own jokes. Like, they get to come on stage and do a couple of jokes. So it's, and then everyone's like, ah, these kids are funny. And so I've been telling Emerson and Ollie. I've been like, guys, we're going to go do the jokes. And they're just like, Emerson's like, nope. And Ollie's like, yeah. And then he's just like, tell me about the chicken. And I was like, what do you mean? And he's like, he crossed the road. And I'm like, that's, it's close. You're really close. You're really close to having a joke there. And I love it. I, Emerson told me that he gets stage fright. And I was just like, you're seven. How do you know about stage fright? And he's like, remember? Remember my winter concert? And I was like, yeah, it was great. And he was like, no, it wasn't. Everyone was there. And I was like, yeah, that's kind of the point of the winter concert. You go on stage and you sing songs. You did a great job. You did a great job. So it'll be interesting. The only real hiccup, the hard part, is there's a big march in the city this weekend. So I got to make sure to avoid that. And we have to be there at 1130. And the show starts at 1. So it's going to be kind of a long day. I'm going to go with iPads. I'm going to have a bag of snacks. There is a Mexican restaurant attached to the club. Hello, nurse. So we will be having Mexican food. And probably going to have to bribe them with something afterwards. If you do this for me, then I will do that for you type of thing. If this, then that. But. I think. I think. And I'm hosting. So I got to go up in between each comic. So I got to sit them right up front so that I don't lose them. Because if I lose the kids in the city, I'm in big trouble. Oh, I am in Dutch. Oh, I am doomed. But I think they'll be fine. And hopefully they'll actually come up on stage with me and tell the jokes. So I don't know if you saw that, but the roller coaster just went back downhill. Back towards exhaustion. Back towards Sleepy Town. And here's the thing. I get to go to the office now. Where I will shut the door. I have the heat cranked up all the way to high. And then I play a game called Don't Fall Asleep. Don't Fall Asleep. Don't Fall. It's, it's. And then you know what happens? I fall asleep. And then I go to the gym. And I work out even though I'm super tired. So it's, there's a lot going on is what I'm saying. And then I'm going to come home tonight. And you know what my big plan is? I'm going to go to bed by 630. I'm going to be in bed, hopefully asleep by 647. So that's a big night for me. Fingers are crossed. I think it's going to go well. I think it's going to go pretty exciting. I miss you guys. I'm glad to see you. I'm glad you hung out. I'm sorry there's no characters today. But they're, if I could be sleeping right now, I would. But I can't. I got work to do. I got things to do. I got stuff to do. I got what? What got work to do? I got things. I got things to do. I got stuff to do. I got what? What? What? What? Come on, y'all. Let's come on, y'all. Let's all go to sleep, y'all. Let's take a little nap. Let's go to bed. Let's, let's go to sleep, y'all. Work to do. I got stuff to do. I got things to do. I got what? What? Work. You know what I'm saying? Work to do. I got stuff, stuff. Come on, y'all.

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  • Bumperpodcast #280 – Christmas Kid Excitement

    Bumperpodcast #280 – Christmas Kid Excitement

    The kids are excited to join the Bumperpodcast to talk about Christmas. Until they aren’t! Then Bumpercar takes over to round out the cheer!

    Did you have any cheer left? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this festive episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar sits down with two special young guests, Emerson and Oliver, to discuss all things Christmas. The energetic duo shares stories about their household elf named Elfie the Snow Monster, decorating their Christmas tree, and even performs an enthusiastic rendition of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." The conversation takes hilarious turns as the kids reveal what they want from Santa (a toy car and a toy dinosaur) and Natty reflects on the exhausting yet wonderful chaos of the holiday season. Between managing excited children, pondering why Santa always loses his toy sack in every Christmas special, and joking about a fictional sponsor called "Sack Finder," Natty delivers a charming and chaotic holiday episode that captures the true spirit of Christmas at Bumperpodcast headquarters.

    Memorable Quotes

    “This is the worst podcast ever… oh no you sound like my reviews on iTunes.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Never work with children or animals. Except do, because it's nice.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Every cartoon where Christmas is in danger of not happening, it's all because Santa has misplaced his sack.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #christmas #children #santaclaus #family #holidays #rudolph #elfontheshelf #singing

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh hi everybody it's me natty bumper car and i am sitting here with two of my favorite people in the whole entire world what is your name emerson and what is your name and what are we here to talk about today christmas we're here to talk about christmas that's right here you can listen into that one um so are we excited about christmas yeah do you guys think you're gonna get any presents for christmas yeah um has we had an elf in our house for like 25 days yeah what's

    Unknown: the elf's name oh um elfie the snow monster elfie the snow monster that's so scary yes you can put

    Natty Bumpercar: the headphones on okay guys now we're flying blind i don't have any uh way to monitor the sound i apologize so what has been your favorite part of the christmas season so far that's the only one snowy it's only snowed one little time though i know holly don't worry about the headphones all you're hearing is the same thing you're hearing out here the headphones are not exciting trust me yeah um they like to focus on the headphones sometimes when we should be focusing on christmas yeah let's focus on should we should we go get a tree today no we already have a tree we already have a tree in our house yes our elf is on it and oliver did you decorate the tree yeah what'd you put on it he broke some stuff uh-oh dun dun dun what he was kind of naughty oliver were you naughty this year yes ollie tell me tell me ollie how are you naughty because you're not naughty because you

    Unknown: were doing bad stuff mo mo mo emerson were you a little bit naughty too yeah did you have to go

    Natty Bumpercar: see the principal last week stop it let's stop last week but ollie i need you i need you to go

    Unknown: in out your Aw Roxo because he broke his stuff we're gonna have to give you a bad story oh how you are you gonna laugh all right when i'm in Algiers how thoughts do you have about it tag us on clapping your hand shows me a tie WEL Gateway that's the used car box in our home we're gonna saw try do something

    Natty Bumpercar: and you can dial I don't know why we're a little dizzy I care about irgendwie I think you're going to care over that

    Unknown: you for the big uh for the big you want to play you don't want to record we're gonna record some

    Natty Bumpercar: fun songs this is the worst podcast ever ollie this is the worst podcast ever but it was supposed to be oh no you sound like my reviews on itunes no this is supposed to be the best podcast ever hold on ollie stop yelling ollie i heard you had a special guest at your school did somebody come to your school one day who came to your school everybody came but didn't you have a special guest at your christmas party who came to your christmas party you know if you just nod they're not going to hear you something you don't remember who came didn't he have a red suit on and some bells or something who was it did santa claus come to your school and what did you guys do you sang songs that's well should we sing a song or two right now okay what song should we sing do you like rudolph the red-nosed reindeer you you can talk now i just want you to talk over him are you abstaining from talking now you guys are you guys are worked up this morning saw it you guys sing louder sing really loud sing as loud as you can one two three

    Unknown: yeah

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah

    Unknown: yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like light double oh love the other

    Natty Bumpercar: start laughing call him

    Unknown: she gets a smell uh uh killed

    Natty Bumpercar: that's not nice

    Unknown: until here

    Natty Bumpercar: you got stuff 다

    Unknown: All right. And they shouted out with glee. You're not, you're not. All right. And Rudolph,

    Natty Bumpercar: the red-nosed reindeer, he'll go down in history. That was very good, Ollie. Yeah, sure. Can I ask you real quick a couple questions? What do you think Santa's going to bring you for Christmas? Or what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?

    Unknown: A toy car. A toy dino.

    Natty Bumpercar: A toy dino? That sounds kind of scary. It's not going to scare Santa Claus? Okay. Emerson, what do you want for Christmas? Nothing? You're going to be quiet? Oh, well, this didn't turn into the magical podcast that we were hoping it was going to turn into, did it?

    Unknown: Um, what do you want for Christmas? Eh, nothing?

    Natty Bumpercar: Nothing? I guess he doesn't want anything. Oh, well, this is going to be an easy year for Santa Claus, then.

    Unknown: Em.

    Natty Bumpercar: Emmy, Ollie's talking to you. If you don't want to talk to me, you want to talk to Ollie?

    Unknown: Em.

    Natty Bumpercar: Em. Okay. Emmy's going to go. Hold on. I got to, you guys are very difficult to hold on to. Here, give me the headphones. All right. Well, so that was the kids. They really didn't last very long. They were pretty excited about Christmas. They were pretty excited about podcasts. And then, oh, they're not. They're abstaining from their excitement for the podcast. So, that's how that works out. Oh, never work with children or animals. Except do, because it's nice. Uh, so, yeah, there's a lot of excitement here around headquarters. And, um, we have the, the tree is up. It's all decorated. The house is decorated. There's lights outside. There's, uh, bubbles and bits and bunions and doodads all over the place. Elfie the Snow Monster, this is his last night in the house. It's very depressing. It's very depressing. He's had quite the run this year. Elfie the Snow Monster, that's right. And, um, yeah, man. Whew. What an exhausting, what, it's the most fun time of the year, but it's also the most exhausting time of the year, because there's so much to do. There's so much you want to go to, like, there's, there's little parties. There's Christmas parties. There's, there's, uh, Hanukkah parties. We went to one. There's, I mean, there's so much going on. And, um, uh, and then there's a lot of, uh, there's a lot of work, because it seems like what happens with work is everyone kind of waits. I don't know, maybe after, like, they're like, oh, man, it's Thanksgiving. I'm just going to hang out and wait. And then Thanksgiving happens, and then they're like, oh, man, I'm going to hold out and wait for another week or so. And then, boom, out of nowhere, they're like, here's all the work in the world. You do it. And you're like, I don't want to do all the work in the world. And you're like, you're going to do all the work in the world. And then you're tired. I'm always tired, though. You know what I want in, uh, I want to do in my stocking. I want some, uh, vitamin B12. That's what I want. I think it's going to be a perfect present. Hey, Ollie, am I going to get anything in my stocking? What am I going to get in my stocking? Um, he's so far away from the microphone, so you're not going to hear him. Um, a telescope in my stocking? That sounds like the best I think ever. So I can see, wait, is that what telescopes are? They show you where stars are? What else show you? Um, where mountains are? Where mountains are? What about planets? Stars and planets and maybe even, I don't know, meteors and comets? Awesome. Can you, do you know the names of all the different reindeer? You know, Dasher and Dancer and Donner and Blitzen, Comet and Cupid and… Uh-oh. Donner and Blitzen. Oh, no! I got confused. But do you recall the most famous reindeer of them all? What's his name? That is his name! Which is kind of rough for the other reindeer, because they had this young Turk of a reindeer just show up on the scene and just because he has a red shiny nose, all of a sudden he's everybody's favorite. How do you think Donner feels about that? How do you think Blitzen feels about that? Do you think they like him? I do too. I think everybody probably loves him. Everybody loves Rudolph, because he, you know, he brings a little something to the table. A little something extra. A little something red, if you will. Uh, we were watching a Christmas special this morning and I can't remember, it was Winnie the Pooh, but here's what happens. Guess what happens? Santa loses his toy sack. It happens all the time. Paw Patrol. Santa's lost his sack. This sack gone. Every, every cartoon I feel like that I see where Christmas is in danger of not happening. It's all because Santa has misplaced his sack. Uh, and so that's where we bring up our first sponsor, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, it's, what is all this? I'm getting all kinds of messages. Buzz, buzz, buzz, boom. Uh, Sack Finder. Uh, you just put this, uh, this Bluetooth device onto your Christmas sack and then you can track it from this app in your phone. So if you are constantly losing your bag, please use Sack Finder. Okay, so that's our first sponsor we've ever had. It's very exciting. We're gonna start paying for things. It's not true. None of it's true. But yeah, I, uh, I was like, oh, this is the running through line in all of the, uh, the Santa stories. It's that he loses the magic bag. The magic bag that has all the toys in it so he can't then deliver them to all the girls and boys. Santa, keep track of the, like, maybe it should be in a case where you just open it Christmas Eve. Sir, what do you need? Somebody's saying something to me. I think someone's lost or trapped. I'm over here, buddy. You can come to me and I'll, I'll be, I'll be done in just a second, I swear. Uh, anyway, from all of us here in headquarters to all of you, merriest of Merry Christmases. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Uh, Merry Christmas to all of you. Merry

    Unknown: Christmas, everybody. Enjoy your Christmas.

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