Tag: family life

Natty Bumpercar: Hi Bumper Podcast, it's me Natty Bumpercar. And what were those noises you were just hearing? Those are the only noises that are keeping me awake right now, because I am the king of Tired Mountain. I am really the entire lineage of Tired Mountain. I'm the prince, I'm the king, I'm the queen, and the princess, and the duke, and the knave. I'm every aspect of Tired Mountain right now. And why, you may be asking, are you complaining about this Natty Bumpercar? People have… Lives, where they go and do things, and maybe they're tired too, and that's fine! And I am happy to talk to you about that at some point, about how tired you are, because I'm interested in what you're doing, and your life, and how you feel, and what you do, but right now, it's very, very important that we talk about me and how tired I am. I'm phenomenal, I mean like, here's the thing, I've got children, and I don't know if anyone else on this show has children. I don't know if anyone else on this show has children. I don't know if anyone else on the planet has children. My reports are inconclusive. I do, I go to libraries, and I try to read books to see it, and there are children in books. I have seen children on TV shows, children in movies, I've read stories about children, but I don't really know if they're true, if they exist, or if they're just figments of people's imaginations. Like, I've read stories where people have gnomes, where people have… Gryffins? I haven't really read many stories about Gryffins, and I feel like I went too far with that one. I've read stories about baby elephants that wear crowns. I have definitely read those, but here's what I'm saying, when you see all these things and you read all these things, are they true at all? Like, I don't know. What am I supposed to believe? I'm supposed to believe the thing that is in my life that is… Keeping me up every single night of my life. Like, why can't you just sleep? And these children of mine… Here's the thing, Bumper Podcast, how are you, by the way? I've missed you. Here's the thing, you have one children, child, one children, children? You have one children, yeah, that's right. And he gets a little bit older, and he starts to sleep through the night, and you're like, we made it, we did it, we are finally here. We're there. High five. What? Another children into the picture? That's two childrens. And now what happens? The new one's schedule is all wackadoo crazy time. Sorry, I saw myself slipping a little bit there, and I felt like I needed to sound the alarm to wake myself back up. So, then you have two different kids. Uh, with different schedules, and they don't match up, it's not like one's gonna be like, I'm gonna go to sleep now, and the other one's gonna be like, you know what, I'm gonna go to sleep too, because that's a reasonable thought.

Rufus T. Rufus: No! Children don't have reasonable thoughts! They're little beasts! They're little monsters!

Natty Bumpercar: I love them, I mean, I love them to pieces, and I feel, I'm gonna retract the last statement about them being monsters, I will keep beasts in, because, let's be honest, children are beasts. Um, but here's the thing, so the schedules, do I say here's the thing a lot? I feel like I've heard myself, uh, say that several times. I need like a, here's the thing bell. Maybe that's my new catchphrase. Hey, here's Natty Bumpergar, wait, no, it's Natty Bumpergar with here's the thing! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Their schedules don't match up. So then, when I go to sleep, and they wake up, they wake up right after I go to sleep! It's, it's, it's cruel torture! My eye, my head hits the pillow, my eyes shut, and then I hear, da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da! And I'm like, oh, I gotta go see what's going on in this kid. And then I go and I fix that kid, takes a while, go back to bed, and then as soon as my head hits the pillow, the other one! Da-da, da-da, da! Oh, I got a do-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Oh, I got a do-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Ah. And, so it's basically like a tag team match. Where I'm just a scrub, in the ring, getting my hat handed to me, all day, every day!