Tag: family life

Bumperpodcast #290 – Yeti

Yeti stops by to talk about all of the snow, Bumpercar offends him – and then catches you up on all kinds of fun stuff!

Do you like snow? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this winter-themed episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar receives a visit from a mostly silent Yeti who delivers bad news about more snow coming. Natty vents about dealing with blizzards, snow days, and cabin fever with his kids, who lasted only 15 minutes playing outside before retreating indoors. He shares the family's preparations for catching a leprechaun for St. Patrick's Day using an elaborate cookie-baited trap, revealing his son Emerson's newfound obsession with getting rich from leprechaun gold. Natty also discusses his painful journey learning guitar for an upcoming kids' show, culminating in a mixed reception from his children when he attempted to perform "If You're Happy and You Know It."

Memorable Quotes

“Children see snow and then they're like I want to play in that and then they go outside and they're like maybe this is not so much fun maybe this is kind of cold and kind of hurts my face.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“He used to call leprechauns clovers and it was one of those kid things that I loved more than anything because it was a mistake but I wasn't gonna correct him on it.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Emerson has become obsessed with being rich and he thinks that the best way to go about doing that is not hard work, is to catch the leprechaun and have him give you his gold coins.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #winter #snowday #parenting #stpatricksday #leprechaun #music #learningguitar #familylife

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and today in studio we have a very special guest i think that's it's it's yeti a very talkative yeti hey yeti how are you doing what are you doing today what are you doing in your eye i just ran out of breath okay yeah yeah okay i get it yeah well so uh yeti is here because we had a giant snow blizzard a thing last week and or two days ago i guess and the ground is still covered in snow and i'm guessing that you're you're here to tell me that this is the last snow of the season right we're not getting any more snow please is that what you're please please please telling me oh come on really when this this weekend okay so evidently this weekend we're gonna get more snow i'm so sick of snow i'm so sick of winter i don't like it i don't like it i don't like it at all i don't like it one bit no i'm not talking about you i'm just saying winter i'm just saying winter in general yeti i love it when you come around i just can't deal with all the winter just come on buddy all right you know what i think what would make you feel better is if you went outside and played in the snow does that sound like a good idea does that sound like something you want to do does that sound like something like maybe you think you would like to do okay well that sounds okay yes exactly okay bye yeti thanks for stopping by wow that was exciting guys because he said that this weekend is going to actually be the last bit of snow and it's not going to be that much snow it's going to be like an inch or two so that's going to add on to what we have already there will be snow drifts there will be children crying going outside because they see snow children see snow and then they're like i want to play in that and then they go outside and they're like baby this is not so much fun maybe this is kind of cold and kind of hurts my face and my hands oh now i'm wet well then i'm really gonna cry because not only am i am wet but i'm also freezing cold that's the reaction that my children had uh two days ago um let's go outside let's go outside it was like we can't go outside it's a blizzard you don't go outside in a blizzard like you don't we do you see you can't see out the window because it's all snow it's a whiteout you don't go outside in that uh which leads to pretty quickly leads to cabin fever which means your kids are just really just running into each other and running into things and falling over and freaking out all day um you know i understand the schools need to close every so often but why oh why and then so we did we went outside i don't know maybe uh 10 30 and uh played for a little bit and uh i think they lasted 15 minutes and it was good running around for 15 minutes and then the little one was like i don't want to do this i was like go back inside i'll shovel but in the big one he kept on grabbing chunks of snow and throwing it back to where i just shoveled and i was just like stop stop doing that stop daddy just i just i just and he was like i know and i was like no then why are you come on so it was good fun i um and then the next day delayed opening the bane of all parents in the world delayed opening so wait that means you're still going to school which means you're going to freak out about going to school but it also means that you're hanging out here with me and freaking out for longer abu abu but that doesn't matter snow day good time we actually had fun we played games we played chess uh pieces were thrown we uh had we had treats sweet treats like cookies and we uh built a box so here's a cool thing this week is uh saint patrick's day week i guess that's maybe i don't know when it is this week and uh i guess it's it's a relatively new thing where they try to capture the leprechaun and it's become a whole ordeal so we had we built a box and we decorated the box and it's it's a trap for the leprechaun and um that's terrible i understand that i haven't you haven't really changed your voice at all for this character okay and so this is very difficult fourth wall uh however i knew that you have a trip for me and i will not be coming to your trip so the leprechaun out okay well so i guess that was a leprechaun that just stuck his head into the studio that's what we're gonna assume that's we're gonna we're gonna pretend that i guess it's difficult to do uh accents and funny voices at the same time perfect that's fine but we did we we built a uh a leprechaun trap and um this year was actually sad because this was the first year that emerson he used to call leprechauns clovers and it was one of those kid things that i loved more than anything because it was a mistake but i wasn't gonna correct it on i wasn't gonna correct him on it and so it was just um he's like we're gonna catch the clover this is last year we're gonna catch the clover where's the clover gonna be is the clover gonna come the clover does shenanigans and i was just like the clover does shenanigans that's i make me that makes me happy um but now we're catching leprechauns and that's fine because it's still fun so we built the uh we built the box and the way the it works is we have it's it's a classic trap it's a box it's going to be up on one on one side it's got two sticks coming down on the front so it's kind of you know holding it or maybe one sec i think we'll do one stick so it's kind of uh positioned it's just balancing there inside the trap there's going to be a plate on the plate there's going to be a cookie uh probably a green like a shamrock cookie we're going to tie string to the uh to the shamrock cookie and we're going to tie that string to the little post that's holding the box standing up theory being that when the leprechaun grabs the cookie to eat it because how can he not so it's a shamrock cookie right there he's gonna pull box is gonna fall boom we got the leprechaun and the goal being when we capture this leprechaun he's gonna take us to his pot of gold emerson has become obsessed with being rich uh and he thinks that the best way to go about doing that is not hard work is not doing well in school and and moving on in life no no no my friends the best way to get rich is to catch the leprechaun and have him give you his gold coins so i will update you next week on what happens i'm very excited i'm very nervous about what could possibly happen in my house this morning he when he was going to school this morning he was just like saint patrick's day is tomorrow and i was like i know that means we have to set up our trap he's like yeah the trap like he was really into it he was really excited so that's that's big news other big news around headquarters i uh i think last week i was telling you that people are having me asking me asking me to work on uh doing a kid show and so i i part of a kid show that i'm doing is to do a couple of songs so i wrote one song so far and i got the idea for another one um and but i need a guitar i need to learn to play the guitar i've been trying to do it for 20 years and i couldn't do it and so over the last few days like 20 minutes a day sometimes even more uh i've been trying to learn guitar and oh my fingers hurt so bad on my uh what is this left hand my pointer finger my ring finger and my left hand and my right hand and my left hand and my right hand and my left hand and my right hand and my left hand and my left hand and my right hand finger the tips of them they hurt i didn't know that i'd heard oh it's gonna hurt a little bit no it hurts a lot bit and now every time i touch anything my fingers are like oh i hope he's not making us play the guitar but i'm not i'm just standing i just put my fingers down it just hurts but it's cool man this is the first time so i figured out all these chords there's like uh wait well first let's see it's e d g b i forgot how the strings go well here's the chords i learned and i learned an e chord an a chord an e minor an a minor a g a d a c a d7 a d7 what so i've started to figure all these chords out and the more i do them the more my fingers seem to kind of know what they're supposed to do um and then so last night what i did was i was like all right let's try to take all these things that i'm starting to figure out and then let's put them into a song and so what song did i figure out um i went i went and i went i went and i went and i found the chords for oh if you're happy and you know it so it's like a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum like that and um so i practiced that a lot last night and then this morning i got up and i practiced it a few times and i was like kids gather round and uh which for them means that they have to they pretend they're their jackets like they actually get on me and they hold on like their coats like i've made like i'm cruella deville making coats of my children for me and i was just like no no no back away back away dada has something amazing to show you and they were like what is it and i pulled out the guitar and i was like what is it and i pulled out the guitar and i was like what is it and i pulled out the guitar and they were like no and i was like the strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum actually it wasn't like that it was like strum string string string and ollie got excited emmer was just like no no no and i was like please emmer was just like no no no and i was like please

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March 16, 2017
Bumperpodcast #286 – Selling Cars

Rufus T. Rufus is back, and selling blue cars? Meanwhile, Bumpercar jibber-jabbers!

Do you like blue?

Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In episode 286 of Bumperpodcast, Rufus T. Rufus attempts to sell used blue cars as podcast sponsorships while host Natty Bumpercar is away. Natty returns to discover Rufus's car sales scheme and shares his obsession with blue cars versus his current green vehicle. The episode takes a personal turn as Natty recounts a chaotic week of illness, snow days with his kids, sledding adventures, and the challenges of parenting exhausted children. He also discusses his recent comedy shows including performances at an American Legion and a club audition in the city. The episode captures the show's signature blend of puppet humor and real-life parenting struggles.

Memorable Quotes

“Every day I wake up, and I look at the green car, and I'm like, oh, you're not a blue car. Not a blue car. Not a blue car. And it's caused me to have a very difficult time to make an emotional connection to this car.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You can't be alone when there's two you can be alone when you're by yourself and he was like no that's his debating technique no and I was just like ah foiled again.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Act quickly. Act now. Act right. Act tight. I'm Rufus T. Rufus, and I am selling you cars.”

— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #parenting #snow #cars #comedy #entrepreneurship #winter #familylife #exhaustion

Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Rufus T. Rufus: world where will it isn't rufus d rufus and as i see it nobody using this podcast for nothing and so what i've done is i've gone out and i have sold us some sponsorships to bring some money into my wallet of course into the piggy bank for everybody as well you're gonna get your cut but uh we are gonna be selling used vehicles here uh since bumper car ain't been making no bumper podcast i figured i would slide in and take opportunity of the opportunity if you understand what i'm saying so with that being said who is in the market for a two thousand uh i don't even know a blue car who who would like a car from the year 2000 it's it's it's i can make a very good deal on it i've got four of them what different shades of blue one is more of an aquamarine one is more of a i don't know a tear course i suppose so go come and get those let me know in the comments hey rufus what are you doing oh rufus well Hello there, bumper, bumper, bumper car. How you doing today?

Natty Bumpercar: I'm fine, but did I just hear you selling cars on the bumper podcast? Because I kind of need a car, and I like blue cars. Normally, I would get really upset with you and yell at you or whatever. Hey, what are you doing here? But, you know, I have a weak spot for blue cars. My other car is a blue car, and then when we got a new car, I wanted the blue car, but they didn't have any blue ones, and so it was going to be three weeks, and we didn't have three weeks to wait, and so we got a green car, and every day I wake up, and I look at the green car, and I'm like, oh, you're not a blue car. Not a blue car. Not a blue car. And it's caused me to have a very difficult time to make an emotional connection to this car. Is that weird? Yeah, it's a little strange. I don't know. You tell me.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, it's completely understandable, because as your listeners have heard, I have four blue cars. What's that? We have three. Now, we have sold one. We have four. We have four blue cars left. Three, excuse me. I get excited. So, if you want to get in on this deal, you got to get in while you can. The turquoise one is gone. That's the one. They said that's high on the market, and that's what people want to buy. And so somebody slipped in and took it away from me.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, I don't even… That's fine with me, because I don't care about turquoise. I mean, I got like blue, blue. Like a navy blue. Like a midnight blue. Like, it's like blue. Like, I like turquoise to me. Not blue. Kind of islandy. Which is fine if you're from an island, but I just want… I want to pick out the crayon in the box, and I want it to say blue. Not teal, not turquoise, not blue-green, not green-blue. Okay. Just blue.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, it just so happens that in this series of cars that I have here to sell, that there are now three, and two of them are what I would define as blue. As plain old blue, as you call it. As blue as the night sky and the sweetest of months. And the sweetest… So, with that being said…

Natty Bumpercar: What's the sweetest of months mean? I don't understand. You confuse me. Listen, here's what we're going to do. Here. Because I do have to record an actual bumper podcast now. I understand, I understand.

Rufus T. Rufus: No problem.

Natty Bumpercar: I appreciate you having cars. I will come and take a look at them, the ones that are blue, after. If they're still left, if they're still left. And good on you for showing some initiative. Trying to… I assume this was all going to go to the bumper podcast, to headquarters, to everyone here, and all the money you were going to make?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, well, no. No, we did have a deal. We had an agreement that I needed you to sign. You understand? There was dividends and functionalities of monies that were… We're going to be passed around to everybody. So, we were going to figure that out on the back end, if you understand what I'm saying here. I guess I do. I don't know. So, I'm going to go. I got to go. I got another phone call coming in. Oh, nice. Hopefully, if it's for one of these cars, if you want to get in, act quickly. Act now. Act right. Act tight. I'm Rufus T. Rufus, and I am selling you cars.

Natty Bumpercar: Thank you so much, Rufus T. Rufus. So, that was interesting. So, I'm Natty Bumpercar, and this is the Bumper Podcast, and it's been a couple of weeks, and I hate it when that happens, but I was sick. The kids were sick. Last week, we actually had snow, and I sat down with the kids to record a podcast about the snow, because they went sledding, and there was all this big fun, and man, it was a disaster. It was the most train wrecky of train wreckies ever. Like, I've got one set ahead for me, and I've got one set ahead for my kids, and they both want the headphones, so they both fight over the headphones, which means it's on one's head, and the other is pulling them, and then lets go, and it snaps, and then it hits the ear, and then there's crying, and then there's a punch. Ha, ha, ha. It's just, it's not a good, a conducive environment for creating a podcast, is what I'm telling you. We got like, I don't know, like 10 or 11 inches, which isn't crazy, and it's really only, I mean, our second snow of the year, but the day it's snowing, it's real wet outside, and it's really windy. It was super cold windy, but the first snowflake started to fall. The kids were like, we gotta go outside. We gotta snowball fight, snowman, sledding, and I was just like, no. It was like blizzard-ish. Like, you would look out the window, and all you, it was just like a whiteout, where all you would see is snowflakes everywhere, and I was just like, I'm not going, I'm not going out in that. Like, and this was at nine in the morning, that they wanted to go outside. And I was like, we're gonna have to wait a little while, but the snow's gonna be gone. The snow's not gonna be gone. It's here for a few days. Relax. So, it was a big fun day. I think at 11 or 12, I went out and had to shovel the driveway, and the front walk thing, drive park, what is it called? Sidewalk, that's what it's called. So, and that's like, 60 feet away. So, and that's like, 60 feet long, which is really long. So, by the time I was done, I felt like I was gonna die. And, and, and, and M was furious at me, because he was like, you wouldn't snowball fight with me. And I was like, I was shoveling. Daddy is tired and I was shoveling. Leave me be, boy. And then, later in the day, they finally, they, fine, we're gonna go sledding. So, we packed everything up, drove in the treacherous roads to the hills, the, and there's a hill in town that everyone goes to. And, we were there for an hour, 45 minutes an hour, it was, it was fine. I was freezing, I did not enjoy it. I don't like cold, I'm not good at cold, I'm not built for cold. And, but they were fine, they went up and down the hill, and up and down the hill, and up and down the hill. And, I need, I need new boots, I need new gloves, I need to move. move to the beach that's really you know what i could i could do without the gloves and the boots uh i just need to move to warmer climates is what it turns out uh i'm not i'm just not not built not built for it and then we got home and i think we i mean like we did everything for the kid we're like yeah here's this yeah here's this he played a little video games which is a special treat because we don't do that during the week and he was just like you guys don't ever let me do anything we're like but we but we did and i oh and i went i got him chinese food i went out to the place and i got him chinese food and i was like but we played in the snow and then we went sledding and then you got chinese food and uh oh then you played video game like i was just giving him the list the rundown and he was like no and i was just like yes so what i'm saying is you should have kids if you want to go crazy you should have kids it's fun it's great they don't sleep they keep you awake i was so tired last night i was in the um i was in the begging mode please just go to sleep daddy is so tired no i want you to sleep in here with us no i'm so tired please please please let daddy sleep no we're all alone in here and i was like you're not alone in here there's two of you you can't be alone when there's two you can be alone when you're by yourself and he was like no that's his debating technique no and i was just like ah foiled again so i finally got him down to sleep and then man i was i slept great i felt like a champ when i woke up and now i got tired again why is that why do i get tired so much so quickly because i ate that bagel oh what's up bagel time love me some bagels i had a big week last week too i had um uh what did i have last week i had three shows i had a show i had a show friday saturday sunday and monday but friday i had to cancel because we had plans um which is weird to can't i don't like shows but the uh saturday show was great it was at an american legion it was for a benefit the sunday show was great fun and then monday was like an audition for a club in the city and i haven't heard anything back but that night they seemed like they liked me so i don't know i don't know you know it's weird you just keep putting yourself out here's what comedians do it'll be like man i'm putting myself out there i'm grinding i'm doing this to work i'm putting in work and you're just like just gosh just go tell jokes silly boy or girl just what are you doing nobody don't don't tell me about you grinding i don't want to hear about you grinding man i was grating what were you grating cheese i was grating cheese putting in work for my pizza what you were doing what

Unknown: you did to me it was really it was it was full of crap you you you you you you you you you you you

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February 16, 2017
Bumperpodcast #284 – Overabundance

Bumpercar starts off rough – finds out that there’s no back button, talks about science, sings some songs, and then says something about the potty. It’s an overabundant episode!

Do you like overabundance?

Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In Bumperpodcast episode 284, Natty Bumpercar shares his chaotic yet hilarious bedtime routine with his kids. After taking a strategic 27-minute nap, Natty dives into a lengthy discussion about science before recounting his challenging evening. He reads five books to his sons, sings custom songs including variations of 'Rocket Ship' and 'Ali Li La,' only to have his younger son reject his musical offerings. The episode highlights Natty's struggles with potty training rewards, multiple bathroom trips, and an awkward encounter at school where he calls a kid by the wrong name. Through it all, Natty's exhausted but loving approach to parenting shines through with plenty of self-deprecating humor.

Memorable Quotes

“I don't talk to people that often because I get my feelings hurt.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You need to be nice to daddy… and you know what he said? No. I was just like oh this is not a good debate.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You can't just break it up into multiple prizes, that's not the way it's going to work.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #bedtimeroutine #science #pottytraining #children #music #sleep #familylife

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: yeah bumper podcast what's going on it's me natty bumper car it was a weird way for me to start i want to start over i want to start over what there's no back button so i'm gonna just sound like yeah bumper podcast forever i i'm pretty sure there's a back button no ah okay hi bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and uh last week i was super tired and sleepy this week i'm less tired and sleepy which is good i actually just took a nap i dropped the kids off early at school and uh then i came home and slept for 27 minutes i set my alarm for 27 minutes because i didn't want to go over 30 minutes because at that point the nap is actually gonna make you more tired which isn't true but that's what they tell you how is that even possible oh you got more sleep minutes more sleep then you're more tired sorry mom and but it's some sort of uh thing where you go into your deep sleep mode your REM sleep whatever it's called i can't i don't know the words i ain't i ain't no scientist hey bumper podcast let's get this straight we believe in science here at bumper podcast land at headquarters we love science all right you know why because science is backed up by things called facts science is backed up by things called data all right i was never super good at science in school but you know what i'm not a scientist that's for them to do but you know what i like to do believe in science all right let's i just wanted to establish that and i wanted to uh you know physical science sure earth science might be the same thing i don't know physics that's probably science right physiology it has ph at the beginning which wait science doesn't have oh god why have i gotten to this educated conversation with you and i haven't done any research ah research what is that that's science natty bumper car ah perfect you science is great so we should continue studying science and doing science and believing in science because science is the science behind science so back to me being awake i'm so waked woke i'm so woke i'm so waked i don't know how i don't see i don't know i don't talk to people that often i talk to big obviously uh and here's why i don't talk to people that often is because i don't because i get my feelings hurt uh last night i was putting the boys to bed and uh i read like five books five or six books i was like a book reading machine i was enjoying it normally i read one book per kid sing songs and i'm out but last night i was having a good time reading and so i just kind of kept going and i was like boom let's go to the next book bow let's go to the next book and the more i read to them the more uh tired they get and the more they kind of settle into bed easier which makes my whole experience better because here's what i don't like if i go up and i read and i get out quick i know they're gonna come out of the bed 10 10 12 times out of the room right daddy which i can't stand it drives me crazy it drives me bananas but so what i like to do is i'm just gonna do the work up front right i'm gonna make sure i give them pats i'm patting i'm patting so if i'm in there 25 minutes 30 minutes whatever that's cool because it's a nice 25 30 minutes for the most part right it's relaxed i'm reading books i'm singing the songs i'm calming them down no running around no toys ah let's lay down get your head on your pillow hey get your head on your pillow nope this is see there's this is your pillow i would like for your head don't kick the wall why are you kicking the wall i want your head where's your head perfect i want your head on your pillow point to your pillow point a point to the pillow that's not a pillow where's your pillow thank you now put your head on it and now you lay back down because i got two of them in the same room on opposite sides of the room and so they're both going back and forth it's like i'm looking it's like my head's on a swivel at all times anyway so i like to do the work up front so i don't have to go back up invariably you still gotta go up but for the most part it just seems easier to me so i uh last night five books in five books deep the big kid he is he is down for the count he is like i am out sing me some songs this is great you're the best data and i'm like yes i am and then i sing my songs i go uh rocket ship rocket ship way up high rocket ship rocket ship in the sky rocket ship rocket ship way up far rocket ship rocket ship in the stars and i go through the litany of songs i go through uh ali li la who's a pig for me ali li la just gather around and we'll see got a pig over here and a pig over there there's a pig pig pig pig everywhere said ali li la who's a pig for me ali li la who's a pig for me one more time ali li la who's a pig for me and on and on and on emerson passes out boom done gone perfect go over to ali i start singing him songs no i don't want you to sing songs those aren't the songs i want you to sing i want you to sing the songs from the book i don't know where the book is buddy let's just he's like i don't know where the book is you know the book yes i do i know the book i just don't know where the book is i don't like you i don't like your songs he's so mean to me at night and i was just like buddy i know some of the songs from the book so i can just sing them to you fine so then i start singing i'm like um uh he's like muffin man muffin man muffin man like he's in the crowd like he's like calling out songs for me to sing muffin man muffin man i was like all right oh do you know the muffin man and on and on right and then i went from muffin man to uh three blind mice and he just loses his mind he's just like why would you go to three blind mice from muffin man and i was like because it just seemed like a nice song it came into my head i know it's in the book he's like no and i was like fine john jacob jingle hymer and he she was just like get out get out get out get out you can find the book get the book you're not doing it and i was like there is no right i'm just singing songs to you i read you a lot of but i was like listen listen you listen you need to be nice you need to be nice to daddy you need to be really you need to be especially nice to everyone in the world but you need to be super nice to mommy and daddy and emerson and and socks because we're your family and listen i take care of you i just read you five books i just i'm singing your heart out songs and you're you need to be nicer and he was you know what he said no i was just like oh this is not a good debate this is i am not winning this debate currently so i was like fine all right i gave him a kiss in the head i said i love you so much and i'm leaving and i left the room and i went downstairs and i was just like i'm not i that's i'm not doing it not doing it not doing it if i'm gonna give my all and i'm gonna get that kind of response i'm not gonna do it so 10 minutes later daddy he's opened the door gotta go potty all right and we are in we are in the midst of some diaper free zone we have he has pushed the diapers away and he has said i am going for a full night with no diapers which is terrifying he's also going poopy on the potty all on his own decision and out of nowhere three days in we are now you so you run upstairs all right buddy let's go pee boom he goes pee goes back in the room four minutes later daddy gotta go i gotta go poops poops oh okay so you run upstairs you set set everything up get him on the get him on the toilet help him out yes he poops in the potty awesome now when he poops in the potty he gets like a prize a reward or whatever because we're trying to make sure he keeps doing it awesome clean him up wash my hands get him back into bed go downstairs yeah he did it this is this is working out and he was nice all right awesome so that that that worked too that conversation four minutes later door opens again this is the third door open daddy i gotta go poop again he poops again poops again but this poop was everywhere it was it was a back in the bed you don't get a prize this time he's like where's my prize it's like you only get one prize a night one prize you can't just you know break it up into multiple prizes that's not the way it's going to work seven minutes later door opens again he doesn't have to go to the bathroom this time he's just now he's just tested now he's just pushing boundaries and uh his mom goes up and she's oh she's not happy she takes away uh the ducks he got he got a duck a little plastic duck for uh going on the potty ducks gone sprinkles gone uh what's his name chasey gone he's got little uh little stuffed animals and gave them all names and now i gotta know these animals names i can't keep up i don't i can't i went to his school yesterday because he said he wanted to have a play date with a kid and and after school um he calls the kid partner i was just like he was just like i want to have a play date with partner and i was like who's partner that's an awesome name i want to meet a partner and so after school i was just like buddy your partner right and the kid dropped his head looked so sad he was just like no i'm not what like why would you call me partner that's not my name and it was it was some other name like phil or i don't know what his name was but the kid was totally freaked out because i called him the wrong name and i was like buddy it's okay relax it's good whatever your name is

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January 26, 2017
Bumperpodcast #282 – New Year

Rufus T. Rufus is starting a new career – with the help of Pig, and Bumpercar tells a little New Year’s story!

Did you have a career? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this hilarious episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar finds Rufus T. Rufus recording a voiceover demo reel at headquarters, with Aloysious J. Pig acting as his manager. Rufus delivers over-the-top commercial reads about cream corn and other products, convinced he's destined for voiceover stardom. After Rufus loses his voice from all the enthusiastic pitching, Natty shares his low-key New Year's Eve experience where his kids passed out at 7:30pm, his wife fell asleep at 9:30pm, and he accidentally missed midnight entirely while wandering around with just the dog for company. The episode captures the chaos of the holiday season and the reality of celebrating with young children.

Memorable Quotes

“You ain't never, ever in your whole entire life had cream corn like this cream corn. So get on down to our store where we're having a special sale. It's a pyramid of cream corn.”

— Rufus T. Rufus

“The kids fell asleep at 7.30 at night. New Year's Eve. This is our big, exciting night. Then my wife fell asleep at 9.30-ish. So it's me and the dog.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“This was my golden ticket out of this place. You can read about me in Voice Over Manager Magazine.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #voiceover #commercials #newyear'seve #parenting #holidays #creamcorn #exhaustion #familylife

Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

Full Transcript

Rufus T. Rufus: well come on down come one come all to the shop to buy the things they're all on sale and of course you're gonna get the best deal that you ever got in your whole entire life you ain't never seen deals like these deals a matter of fact these deals my friends these deals are not gonna be here forever so if you don't get on down to the shop then these things are gonna go back up to full price and of course our full price is lower than their price has ever been because we got the best prices in the whole coast at our shop for the things so why don't oh hey hello bumper car

Natty Bumpercar: what are you doing here today it's uh it's time for me to record the bumper podcast the first bumper podcast of the year and so i i came in and i'm gonna be doing a little bit of a i didn't realize that you would schedule time what are you recording is this some sort of an

Rufus T. Rufus: ad i'm working i'm working on my voice my vo reel my voice over reel because your friend pig piggy lou over there he's telling me that i have quite the voice for radio and uh that i need to get on

Natty Bumpercar: some commercials and such as that you understand that i mean you certainly are a character you certainly have a lot of uh life and energy and vim and vigor to your voice so i i mean i guess if someone is specifically looking for someone that sounds like you you mean perfect exactly then um you would you would fit the bill perfectly hey uh guys it's it's me pig

Aloysious J. Pig: oh yeah you too buddy you and all of yours thanks yeah rufus that was perfect that's exactly what i was looking for you know we we didn't have any product specific things but what you did in there with that copy that i gave you my friend my friend my friend always perfect i appreciate that thank

Rufus T. Rufus: you very much yeah it's i i i i i i was i excuse me a second i think i hit a bit of a uh flum flum flum bobble in my throat there i i was you know uh when i was raised to speak i always thought to myself that public speaking was probably the way that i would be going the route that i would be going the avenue that i would be travailing and traversing and reversing on if you catch my drift that's like i talk exactly i i'm i'm flummoxed i don't know

Aloysious J. Pig: i don't really know what you just said if i'm to be if i'm to be completely honest i mean i heard you talking but there was a lot of words i mean you sounded great i'm just what i'm gonna tell you buddy you sounded like a professional voiceover actor so get out there good we're gonna get you to broadway to new york city where all the big commercials are made and you know what we're gonna we're gonna put you at the top of the marquee uh rufus t rufus uh today today only recording his commercial about canned corn what is i don't know what's happening right now something you could get

Natty Bumpercar: behind you think you guys are ridiculous i mean he sounded great he said but he sounded just like rufus t rufus and so i think you record it you send it over to um some agencies whatever some commercial agencies and then you know if they ever need somebody to sound like to have that accent and you know then they'll that inflection and everything then uh you know he'll be in the pool but i don't i mean i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know if he's gonna be on any marquee i've never i've never seen a theater actually sell tickets for somebody to record a commercial a radio commercial like not even being filmed just is so it's just gonna be a dude on stage reading from a script um about cream corn

Rufus T. Rufus: canned corn like what was it it was cream corn and it is the best hold on a second it was this is ladies and gentlemen this is the best cream corn that you will ever feast your lips upon. When you put your fork or your spoon or your spork into this cream corn, the next thing that's going to happen is you're going to lift it up. You're going to put it in your mouth and you're going to mind blown. You're going to have your mind blown because you had corn before, corn on a cob. You had cornbread before. Cornbread is good, but you ain't never, ever in your whole entire life had cream corn like this cream corn. So get on down to our store where we're having a special sale. It's a pyramid of cream corn. Get it in your cart today because tomorrow's going to come sooner than later. Ha ha, like that. That's how I do it. That's how the professionals do it, Bumper Car. You had this podcast now for almost 25 years. 25 years? And you ain't never done a commercial. So who you talking to? I mean, don't talk to me about this, my friend. All right, let's relax. I don't want you to blow

Aloysious J. Pig: out your pipes. I don't want you to ruin your perfect golden voice. That's not a golden voice. So if you could, let's relax. Let's relax a little bit. Everybody, just take a step back. Let's let Bumper Car come to the mic and share. He's got some silly story to tell about his kids or whatever, or a tree. I don't know what happened. And we can just kind of, we can edit your video, your audio together, and we can send it off. We got things to do, okay? Okay, why don't you guys go ahead and go.

Rufus T. Rufus: Scrumdillium, she turned down the form, she's absolutely stunningly divine. So let's do that, and you do this, whatever you want. Whatever you do, Bumper Car. Okay. And I will see you. Perfect. Another day. Looking at magazines with my picture in it. Voice of a magazine. You're going to be sitting at the bus stop, reading a magazine. All right. Talking about, hey, it's Rufus T. Rufus. There he is. Bringing the whole industry back. The whole industry? Really? He's putting it all on his shoulders. Cream corn. And he's taking it the last mile, the last charge. You haven't even.

Natty Bumpercar: I think I lost my ball.

Rufus T. Rufus: Rufus. I lost my boy. Big. Rufus. I feel like I can't talk no more. Oh. What is going on? What in the world has one of you done to me, Bumper Car? Oh, no. Rufus.

Natty Bumpercar: I'm sorry.

Aloysious J. Pig: Rufus, stop talking. You're going to make it worse.

Natty Bumpercar: You need a lozenge. No, he needs some lozenge. Or some lemon. Lemon, honey, and lemon.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, honey and lemon. We got to stop talking. Rufus. Okay. Here's my golden ticket.

Natty Bumpercar: Sorry about that, Rufus. See you, Rufus. Okay. We got to go. We got to go. Oh, man. You're in big trouble now. No, you're in big trouble right now. I'm not in trouble. Stop.

Aloysious J. Pig: You did this to us. You did this to me. This was my golden ticket out of this place. Okay. Anyway, happy New Year, everybody. Hopefully, I'm going to fix Rufus T. Rufus's voice, and you can read about me. I'm Pig. I'm his manager in Voice Over Manager Magazine. That's not a real magazine. That's it. I got to go. I got to go fix this dude. Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: See you later, dude. All right. So, anyway. That was crazy. I guess I'm not going to lie. I felt like buying a can of cream corn after I heard Rufus talking about it, and that's a good skill. He's a salesman. That's for sure. He signed us up for a contract, and he's not even a lawyer. He has no ability to do that, and he almost took the Bumper Podcast away from us a couple years ago. But that all worked out when we found out that he, well, he fibs a lot. He lies a lot. Let's be honest. Rufus does. Anyway, happy New Year, everybody. This is the first Bumper Podcast of this 2017, and we're doing great, and we survived the holidays. I hope you did. Man, they're stressful. There's so much going on. You got to clean the house. You got to decorate the house. You got to go find a tree. You get a lot of money for the tree. You got to put the tree down. Santa's got to go make all the presents. You got to get the lists. You got to sit on Santa's lap. You got to tell him the list. You got to go to holiday parties. You got to go to family parties. You got to put together Christmas cards. You got to, the kids are home from school. Like, there's a lot going on is what I'm telling you. There's present wrapping. There's, oh, now we got to go to this place. We got to go to that place. And, oh, the kids are up all night because they're excited. So, now you're not sleeping for a week. Oh, no, now the kids are sick. Oh, jeez. So, now it's New Year's Eve. Here's what happened on New Year's Eve. We had a play date. Me and both kids went to this kid's house. And it was great fun. And then they came home and they were overtired and overhungry. And they both passed out. And then when they woke up, they were zombies. They were the walking dead. They were having a very bad time of it. And it was like 4, 15, 4.30 in the afternoon. And I was like, oh, my God. And I was like, all right, guys. We're going to get ready. It's New Year's Eve. We're going to go out. We're going to get hibachi. And they were like, no. No. I don't feel good. I don't feel good. I don't feel good. I'm so sick. And I was just like, well, let's have a snack. Let's have some juice. Let's have some milk. And they were like, I can't. And to the point where they were like, we're not going out. And I was like, guys, it's New Year's Eve. We're going to go get hibachi. We're going to watch the cool. They've never seen hibachi. And they, no. Not happening. Not doing it. So fine. So great. So we're going to hang out at home. I got some food, brought it home, and we hung out. The kids fell asleep at 7.30 at night. New Year's Eve. This is our big, exciting night. Then my wife fell asleep at 9.30-ish. So it's me and the dog. We're wandering around headquarters, just ambling about, not really doing anything, doing a little bit of this, a little bit of that, working a little bit. And then I looked at my phone, and it was 12.07. So I totally missed New Year's. I totally missed the countdown. And then the next day, it was a new year, and it's a new you. And happy Bumper Podcast. Bumper Podcast.

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January 10, 2017
Bumperpodcast #276 – Ruggy

Bumpercar lays out the trials and tribulations of Ruggy are laid out to the court of public opinion.

Did you know Ruggy? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! We’re trying to stay positive here, people!

About This Episode

In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares a relatable parenting saga about his son Emerson and a beloved rug named Ruggy. After accidentally tracking dog poop onto the boys' bedroom rug, Natty faces days of complaints from Emerson about the soiled carpet. When Natty finally removes the rug, Emerson has an emotional meltdown over losing Ruggy, despite having complained about it for nearly a week. The situation escalates into a 15-minute parenting negotiation involving options, signatures, and the threat of Ruggy going to the curb forever. Natty also reflects on the challenge of telling each child he loves them equally, and reveals the incident may have been triggered by filming a Hershey chocolate eating challenge for their YouTube channel.

Memorable Quotes

“He's given the rug a name, the rug is named Ruggy, which I've never heard this rug have a name before.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I love you more than any Emerson in the whole entire world. That's how I have to get around that, because if I say I love you more than anything, then he immediately takes that as an affront against his brother.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You have two options: rug in the basement, rug gets clean this weekend, happy rug, happy life. Or if you complain about said rug, Ruggy is gonna go away forever.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #familylife #kids #dogs #cleaning #humor #podcasting #brothers

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: oh well if it isn't the bumper podcast hey it's me natty bumper car and it is a good day you know why because i'm here and i'm talking to you and that's all i want to do really if i could if i had my druthers if uh if the money truck pulled up here to headquarters uh and said hey bumps guess what you can do with anything you want you know what i would be doing boom this talking to you probably other stuff too i'm not gonna lie i have to eat all right leave me alone for just a few minutes i've got tea upstairs it's waiting for me no uh how's how are you i've missed you since last week uh last week we had a special guest that was uh emerson he did a great job like afterwards i was just like that was the best because you actually there was give and take like you talked to me you did little funny bits his little whisper bit i was i loved it loved it so much so what that tells me is i am grooming the next generation of podcasters i apologize for that uh that is that is going to be on me it's my fault i uh speaking of him here's a crazy thing that happened uh his his in in in the boy's room there's a rug it's a white rug it's got circles on it uh they're kind of uh uh a really low uh not tone but color uh not not pastel quite but it's almost like they put colors like they're circles like it's like blue and yellow uh red and purple whatever and then they and then they like put the transparency on so they're there but they're kind of not there but they're it's just a nice simple rug uh and evidently someone uh my wife this is my wife she said someone was outside and tracked in what i can only assume is dog poop and there were two people in the room and they were like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're like oh my god they're in the room when she had that conversation and she was looking directly at one of them and that one was me so she's under the assumption that i went out into the yard and uh put i think it's like six little spots of of dog poo on the kid's rug which i didn't mean to do and i was like fine i'll clean it i just hadn't had a chance emerson uh discovered the uh the soiled rug on i mean like seven days ago eight days ago and he's been freaking out ever since every single night get me away from this rug this rug's got dog poop i can't be on this rug i don't want to be near this rug why is there why is this in my room this is horrible this is disgusting and he would like make uh he would walk around like he would have to shimmy against the wall to go around and then in the morning he would scream somebody has to come get me out of this bed because i can't walk across the road and it was just horrible right every single night and every single day it was the saga of the uh of the rug so finally two nights ago uh i think i was putting him to bed no two nights i don't know who was i can't remember but i i i got infuriated i got mad and i said fine and i i balled up the rug which is tough to do because it's like an eight by ten rug but i balled it up and i took it out of the room and he was just like what what what are you and he starts like in that way that kids get when they're like they can't even process what is happening and i threw the rug into uh in the spare bedroom and uh and he was just like what would you do with my rug rug and then he screams ruggy he's given the rug a name the rug is named ruggy which i have i've never heard this rug have a name before and i was just like ruggy and he's just like why did you take ruggy away and i was just like you you're the reason i took ruggy away why i would never and i was just like you've complained about the rug for six at this point it was and for six days straight you have complained about the rug being in your room you have screamed at the rug because it has it is dirty you you you have been anguishing over this rug being in your room and so i have now removed the rug from the equation i have taken the rug out of your room what are you gonna do with it when is it gonna come back i miss ruggy i was just like buddy i am going to vacuum the rug and then i am going to use the uh wet the uh called the the rug vac uh shampooer whatever we have it's one of these things you put water in you put shampoo in you shampoo the rug that's what we have why because we have a dog and what does the dog do he makes horrible messes so what do we have to do shampoo the rugs plus they need them anyway because the house smells terrible let's be honest if you've ever been here i'm sorry the house smells bad it's not that i don't clean all the time every day it's just that the dog smells really bad and two little boys smell there's a lot of smells happening in his house so he uh he was just like you're gonna clean it tonight and i was just like no i'm gonna clean it on saturday saturday that'll take for a long time that's forever from now and i was just like that's in two days two days and he was like well what am i supposed to do if i fall out of my bed and i don't have ruggy to roll around on and i was just like i don't i think you're making problems up at this point i think that you're inventing problems at this point and he was just like like still he was freaking out this is a solid 15 minute freak out to the point where i said okay i will bring the rug back into your room i will put the rug back down so that ruggy is here and he was like okay and i was like however this is my big however however if you complain about ruggy if i hear you say one thing about ruggy being dirty ruggy is going to go to the curb and he's like to the trash and i was just like to the trash my wife is looking at me like what are you doing and i was just like no he has two options he can either i can put it in the basement and clean it this weekend which is in two days or if i bring it back and he loses his mind again it's gone because i just can't i reached the point as a parent where i just couldn't deal with it anymore it was too much he didn't get it all he heard was the rug is in the trash the rug is gone the rug is in the garbage the rug is done and i was just like no so i ran downstairs got a piece of paper got a pen drew like almost like a comic strip i was just like here's step one ruggy's in your room you're happy here's step two ruggy gets dirty you're freaking out here's step three takes the rug away now you have two options and i drew arrows from the options option one then i just laid everything out again rug in the basement rug gets clean this weekend happy rug happy rug happy life or whatever it is and option two and i made sure i had him sign off on option one as in do you understand what option one is sign here yes okay perfect we can now move on to option two option two if daddy brings the rug back into your room the rug which is still dirty i will still clean it this weekend however if you complain about said rug in quotes ruggy then ruggy is gonna go away forever it was bad parenting on my part i think uh because again all he focused on was ruggy's going away ruggy's gone ruggy's out of his life i have effectively taken ruggy away from him and he was just like you're taking ruggy away from me because you hate me and i was just like i love you more than anything and then he goes more than ollie and i was just like i can't play that game right now i love you're my favorite emerson in the whole entire world on the whole planet i love you more than any emerson ever that's how i have to get around that because if i say i love you more than anything then he just immediately he has to take that as an affront against his brother i love you more than anything more than him no like come on i love you guys equally well then you don't love me more than anything ah well then i love you more than any emerson how about that at which point ollie goes but what about me and i'm like well i love you more than any oliver ever and ever in the whole world in the whole planet more than any oliver so basically i got him calmed down ruggy was still in the other room and he woke up in the morning like nothing had ever happened nothing ruggy's in the basement right now awaiting his cleaning which will happen now tomorrow morning and then he'll go back in the room he'll be bright fresh ready for a new day a brand new ruggy for a brand new year uh and my wife was like why did this happen and i was just like i don't know and then we looked back on the events of the evening and for our youtube channel which is still happening we all we do is film stuff for it i have to film it for you i'm still learning how to edit uh we had done the hershey challenge what is that that's where you eat as much chocolate as you can in two minutes so maybe that's what happened huh

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November 18, 2016