Tag: Dogs

Natty Bumpercar: all right before i even get started i guess i'm gonna i'm gonna switch gears and i this is i have a i'm going to tell you something uh very very serious and um you know follow with me if you want to if you want to wait for the funny stuff well then clearly you're not in the right spot but i have to tell you guys i can't i can't deal there's television on and i can't deal there's bears and they're they're red bears and they're animated bears and i have to know their toilet paper preference and i don't like that i don't i don't want to know bears i think it's something personal that you should not show me and i don't want you dancing around in capes i don't want you uh rubbing yourself on trees i mean i i have a tevo so i try to i scoot past commercials but sometimes i'm powerless to do so like right now and and then then there's the bears like this polygrip i'm fine your teeth need they stick them but bears i don't i don't wanna i don't wanna oh i'm just doing this because like i'm you know i'm gonna tell a funny little story a little anecdote a little so okay and i'm talking i started uh with bears i'm very i'm very i'm obviously you can hear from the sound of my voice the the tenor i think if it's uh i think it's the tenor uh that all right i looked i looked over to my fact checker he gave and he's asleep on the floor so we're gonna go with tenor of my voice you can't see my eyes but they're they're bugging out because i'm so i'm so anytime i see these bears and i see them in billboards i go to stores i see the bears and but i and i don't i don't i walk away i turn around and i say there's a situation i don't want to be involved in there's there are some bears that i don't need to meet i don't need them to be my friends i don't need to run in the same social circles as these bears because they have a problem that i like to call um i was i think it's tmi but i was trying to make it that's what so that's too much information and i was trying to to t tpi is what i if i is what i call it and if i could rewind i would do it but it's uh uh they have a condition let's pretend that last day they have a condition that i like to call tpi toilet paper information tmtpi too much toilet paper information tmtpi why is that's this that's just me saying why at the end of tmtpi because i don't want to know about it so three minutes like is all i want to give you it's all i want to tax your time for is three tiny minutes and normally i'm not going to talk about bears normally i'm not going to i'm not going to give you anagrams about toilet paper anagrams about i think they're anagrams normally my foot is not going to fall asleep Because that's what's happened, and I'm in such a position that I can't, even if I wanted to stop, and I don't. Because I am talking about some things right now that need to be talked about. I would, wait, I lost my bears, toilet paper, my foot's asleep, can't move. Three minutes. I'm going to try it. I mean, like, I want to do it every week. I usually have funny stories. I don't know that they're funny, but here's what I do know. You know, my dog, and people say not capable of laughter or smiles or tears. My dog is, of all three things. And what I do sometimes with stories is I'll make him chuckle just a little bit, just a little, like, snicker. And then I'm going to make him cry a little bit because, you know, we're going to work in pathos. And then I never want to leave the crowd on a down note. And so then I just make him rip, roar, and just laugh. One time, this is, like, last week, I made him laugh so much. And this is a little embarrassing for him, but he's asleep. And he actually peed just a little bit, which was funny. I then laughed until I realized he was still in bed. And that's my bed. And then it wasn't funny anymore. I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit. So here's the thing. Three minutes every week. I think Wednesday's a nice day. You know, we have snowflakes on Mondays and Fridays. What? That's news to me. Is that news to you? Yeah, well, we'll see how that works out. It doesn't have a name yet. It doesn't have a lot of things. It doesn't have a point. But you know where you can find it. You know where you can listen to it. And you know. You will love it. Right? I mean, I don't know. Maybe you don't. I do. I'm having a blast right now. Because I don't really talk to anyone all day. And I miss you. Each and every one. Oh, yeah. This is obviously going. This is going to be great. Because we have nowhere to go, my friends. But laterally. And quickly. Lateral quickness.