Tag: contracts

  • Bumperpodcast #358 – Who am I anyway?!

    Bumperpodcast #358 – Who am I anyway?!

    What in the world is going on with Natty? He wakes up, and doesn’t know where he is – who he is – or who anyone else is. Seriously. What is going on?!?

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    About This Episode

    In episode 358 of Bumperpodcast, chaos erupts when Natty Bumpercar suddenly loses all memory and doesn't recognize his own show or his best friend Aloysius J. Pig. When lawyer Rufus T. Rufus attempts to claim ownership of the podcast by invoking a legal clause about going "loop-de-loop," Aloysius becomes suspicious. With the help of art therapist Doodle Poodle and his superior canine sense of smell, they discover evidence in the trash: a container of two-year-old broccoli cheese soup with purple felt attached—matching Rufus's jacket. The gang exposes Rufus's scheme to poison Natty and steal the show. This hilarious whodunit adventure features classic Bumperpodcast absurdity as the crew solves the mystery and restores Natty's world.

    Memorable Quotes

    “If Natty Pumpercat ever goes a loop-de-loop, a loop-de-loop, then all of the properties, you understand, are handed over.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “I'm not a person. I'm a dog. I'm a talking dog. I'm a dog who doodles.”

    — Doodle Poodle

    “I think I would have gotten away with it, you understand? If it wasn't for all of these crazy dogs and crazy pigs and whatnot and et cetera.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    Topics: #amnesia #mystery #friendship #betrayal #lawyerjokes #arttherapy #comedy

    Featuring: Aloysius J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle

    Full Transcript

    Aloysius J. Pig: Where have I… Where am I? Where have I been? I'm so confused. Hey, what's… Pumpercat, what are you doing? And who… What are you doing? Who are you anyway? What do you mean, who am I? What do you mean? What are you doing? Are you talking all weird? I don't know. It's me, your best friend in the whole wide world. It's Aloysius J. Pig. I don't know. What is wrong with you anyways, huh? You got a weird look in your eyes? I don't know. Are you okay? You're sweating a little bit? Are you okay?

    Natty Bumpercar: You're a talking pig. I don't understand it at all. It doesn't make any sense to me. Nothing is making any sense. I'm so confused right now.

    Aloysius J. Pig: Bro, I need you just to relax. This is clearly outside of my pay grade. Hold on one second. I need a little bit of help here. I need a little bit of help here. Pumpercat's gonna loop-de-loop. Now, excuse me. I heard you said you need a little bit of help over here. Now, is this something that a legal guardian of legalities could be assisting? Assistance? And you will, exactly? Is that something that his eye? Mr. Rufus T. Rufus. I may have to help you out as much as I can.

    Natty Bumpercar: Everybody here talks just so much, but I'm so glad that you're here. That pig was just talking at me. He was saying words that I don't understand. Oh, man. I don't know where I am, and I'm really confused. Can I get some help if you could please just help me out, please?

    Aloysius J. Pig: Rufus, you see what I'm talking about? He's gone on a loop-de-loop. He's gone on a loop-de-loop. Yeah, right. He's gone straight loop-de-loop, and that is a legal term. And by the letter of my contract, it says here, let's see, page 14, paragraph 77, addendum 4BXYZ. If Natty Pumpercat ever goes a loop-de-loop, a loop-de-loop, then all of the properties, you understand, are handed over. Handed over? Are passed over. What are you talking about? What do you mean? No, what do you mean by that? No, that's what I'm saying to you. I don't understand. He's fine. Something's just off-kilter. I walked in the room. He seems a little, you know, confused. I'll say confused. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. And maybe, you know, I did say he loop-de-looped, but maybe I didn't know the exact term. I didn't realize that was a legal term. It is. And now you're coming in here. So who exactly does all of this transfer to, huh? Well, now, as the instigator of the implication of his registrar… Now, in the whole legalese terminologies, what I have to tell you, my friend, is that it all actually, in actuality, reverts and processes and proceeds into my account. You understand? I don't… As the legal guardian, the signature, as the writer of the rules, if Natty Pumpercat ipso facto does go on a loop-de-loop, then all of this becomes… …under my transpire so that I can aspire to keep the wheels. I disagree. I'm moving on. You understand? I disagree. I don't know what you're talking about, lawyer Mr. His name is Rufus T. Rufus. But I just, I woke up, I was here, there was a microphone, this pig… That's me. …came in, and I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. And I don't know what, what's a bumper car? You are. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. Natty Pumpercar, that's you. Okay. Yeah, that's who you are. But I don't, I don't know what's happening, so I'm a little bit confused. I'm a little bit, I don't understand. I think we're all, we all need to calm down. We all need to take a couple of steps back here. I want you to put those legal documents away or I'm gonna, I'm gonna scoot you out of the room. Excuse yourself. I want you just to breathe a little bit. There you go, just breathe. There you go, just breathe. Now breathe a little bit. What, what? Now breathe a little bit. There you go, there you go, okay. I feel better. I've got another idea.

    Doodle Poodle: And, oh, what perfect timing. It's me. You're the person I was just about to come and get. Oh no, oh no. I'm not a person. Did I make you that way? Hup, hup. He's a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a talking dog. No, no, no. I'm a dog who doodles. What? Huh? What?

    Natty Bumpercar: What are you? It's me. Doodle doodle.

    Aloysius J. Pig: I don't know anything. Hup, hup. I don't know what's happening. There's now a talking dog and a talking pig and this. Uh. Okay. I should be breathing. I should be. I can't breathe. Um, so. I'm having a panic attack. I'm having. Naughty. I'm freaking out. I think I need to. Can I just lay down for a second?

    Doodle Poodle: I think you're going to be okay. What? I feel like. Have you gone a little bit loop-de-loop?

    Aloysius J. Pig: That's exactly what I said. There's the word. There's the legal term. There was now three people. Pigs and dogs have all agreed that the loop-de-loop process is in session. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He didn't. He didn't know what he was saying. He's a crazy dog who makes drawings. Just let this leave him be. Now, doodle-poodle. I need you to do some sort of art therapy with Bumpercar because he's confused. He ain't know where he is. He ain't know who I am. He ain't know who you is. He ain't know nothing. All right? So, see if you can get him to do some remembering. Maybe through some drawings or something like that.

    Doodle Poodle: You understand? I understand. That's why I brought you in. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So, Maddie Bumpercar is your name. And what I want you to do is just start saying some words. Okay. And what I'm going to do is make some doodles. And then I'm going to put all your memory brain marbles back together. And you're going to be totally fine. I swear. Okay.

    Aloysius J. Pig: Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm just going to accept this. Okay. Okay. That is happening. I'm just going to accept that I'm talking to a pig who says he's my best friend. I am. Uh-huh. Yep. And I'm going to accept that there's a dog who's going to try to do some art therapy on me. Perfecto. And we're going to see what happens. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So, start talking. All right. So, I woke up. I woke up here. In this place with the microphones and everything. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I don't remember anything before I woke up. All right, so listen here. If you don't remember nothing, then this is it. That's the end of the story, and I believe we can put the pencils and the crayons and the cray-pars away because this is a dead end. The man has gone loop-de-loop, and we don't have any repercussions, so we should sign the papers. Just here, why don't you take that crayon and sign this paper, and everything will be done and fine and good and perfect and good and plenty. I don't trust none of this. I don't trust you, Rufus. I don't trust what's happening here. None of this makes no sense. Keep talking to the dog bumper car. We're going to get to the bottom of this. We're going to figure this out. You understand? We're going to get to the bottom of this. But that's everything I remember. I woke up. We're getting some good stuff here. And I was sitting in this chair, and there's a microphone, and the lights are on, and I can't think of anything else. I can't think of anything else. I can't think of anything. Wait. I do remember a smell. So the lights are on. I was sitting here. There was no sound. Okay. But there was an odd smell. Oh. But then you came in, pig. Huh? Pig. Yeah, Aloysius. Okay, and I thought it was maybe you. Wait, what? I'm sorry. I apologize. I bathe. I'm a pig, but I do bathe. You understand? I have my own en suite where I can go in and use the air. It's the restroom. I take showers, everything. We're good. Now, what was this smell? Hold on one second. Where do you think it was coming from? We don't need to worry about no smells. We don't need to. I say the smell is well, and there will dwell. You see? So we don't need to think about any smells or nothing like that. I think this is an open and shut case.

    Doodle Poodle: Well, wait a minute. This is done. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Not only am I a dog that makes doodles, but I'm also just a dog. And I have a really good nose. So I'm just going to smell around and see if I can find this. Wait a minute. What is this?

    Aloysius J. Pig: No. What is this in the trash can? This is inadmissible. This is incontrovertible. This is nothing at all. We should not be digging through the garbage. What are we, garbage men and pigs and dogs? No, no, no, no, no. Away from that garbage can. Come on now. Now, scoot.

    Doodle Poodle: Everybody, scoot.

    Aloysius J. Pig: You scoot.

    Doodle Poodle: You scoot. What is that? That's a container of that old broccoli cheese soup that has been in the freezer for two years.

    Aloysius J. Pig: I don't… Vampica, please tell me you didn't eat that, did you? I don't know. I don't remember, honestly.

    Natty Bumpercar: But I do have a weird taste in my mouth. So maybe I did. But if it was in the freezer for so long,

    Aloysius J. Pig: then why would I have eaten that? I never would have eaten that. That doesn't make any sense at all. Unless… Let me see that container. Holy cannoli. It has got a piece of purple felt on it. I am looking directly across the room at you, Mr. Rufus T. Rufus, wearing a purple felt jacket.

    Doodle Poodle: I believe, sir, that this is an open and shut case. Hold on, guys. You're all talking too quickly, and I'm still trying to draw all this. And I don't just… Hold on. I got… I got a stroke off for Natty's head. And then we were talking about felt. I don't know how to draw fabric, necessarily. And it's just… There's a lot going on right now. So… They like it all to slow down a bit.

    Aloysius J. Pig: Now, Mr. Aloysius J. Big, what I understand that you are saying is that you are pointing at me as the pro-quentin-twatter… Quentin… And it's a word. Pro-quentin-twatter of this crime. You're saying that I am a despicable. But what I want you to realize… Is that when you point your hoof, there are other fingers, hoofs, pointing back… No, I don't understand. That doesn't work. When you point your finger… One for… There's four fingers pointing back at you. But when you point your hoof, it's just kind of a… I guess they're all… So you are. You're all… You're pointing everything at me right now. Yes, indeedy-doodle. I sure am. I'm… So, I… If I'm to understand this correctly…

    Unknown: Whew.

    Aloysius J. Pig: You're my best… You're my best friend, Aloysius J. Pig. You are my lawyer, Rufus T. Rufus. You have papers right there that you're ready for me to sign to turn everything over to you. If I go loop-de-loop… And we find in this trash can a container of some two-year-old soup… That has… The same kind of fabric… That's on your jacket on it. Which makes me think that maybe… You served me this old soup…

    Natty Bumpercar: Which caused me… To go a little bit loop-de-loop. Is that what happened? Are you trying to take over everything?

    Aloysius J. Pig: Are you trying to take over… What is this thing called? This is called a bumper podcast. Yeah, this is called a bumper podcast. And I do believe that I will be making my ex-zones… And I think I would have gotten… Away with it, you understand? If it wasn't for all of these crazy dogs and crazy pigs and whatnot and… Et cetera.

    Doodle Poodle: Well, you better… You better scoot, buddy. You better scoot out of here. Because I don't like what you did to Nanny. And I wasn't even able to make a good drawing. I only got to use my nose. And I'm not nosy, poodle. I'm doodle, poodle.

    Aloysius J. Pig: Wow. This is… This is the world I live in? You guys are going to have to, like, re-educate me and tell me how this stuff works. Because I am so confused right now. And I… I'm really sorry that I forgot you. And that I forgot everything.

    Unknown: And…

    Aloysius J. Pig: Did we record all of this? Yeah, it's basically what we do. We come up with nutty, crazy stuff every couple weeks or so. And then people listen to it and it's all fun. It's all good. You're fine. Don't worry. You're fine. This really isn't that far out of the realm for what we normally do. If I'm to be honest. I absolutely concur on… Well, fine. We told you to scoot. I thought we were all kidding around. I thought we were all joking, etc. I thought we were just playing around. No. No, no, no. All right, everybody. Well, I guess… I guess I'm Natty Bumpercar. And I guess this is the Bumper Podcast. And I hope you had a good time. And I hope you had fun. And I want you to know that I think we're all best friends, right? Yeah. Okay.

    Unknown: We'll see you next time.

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  • Bumperpodcast #325 – Invisalign

    Bumperpodcast #325 – Invisalign

    Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    Holy cow! It is episode number 325. What a milestone! But – wait. Does everyone sound a little bit odd to you?! Listen to see!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

     

    About This Episode

    In episode 325 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar and the entire cast grapple with an unexpected side effect of their new Invisalign aligners. What was supposed to be an invisible teeth-straightening solution becomes a comedy of dental denial as Natty, Producer, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, and Robot all insist they sound exactly the same while clearly struggling to speak normally. Natty shares the trials of constant teeth brushing, living on water, and the horror of discovering that "buttons" are actually sharp epoxy spikes attached to your teeth. The episode celebrates the show's milestone 325th episode while the cast navigates lisps, extra spittle, and the realization that their voices have definitely changed, despite what the dentist promised.

    Memorable Quotes

    “They call them buttons which sounds adorable I would love to have buttons on my teeth… what buttons turn out to be are these little stalactites stalagmite sharp pointy just spikes of epoxy on your teeth.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “This will be known as the period of the Bumper Podcast where everybody sounded a little bit off. A little bit interesting.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “Robot, you sound like you're from either the future or space or robot heaven… It sounds like your mouth is full of angel horns.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #invisalign #dentalhealth #self-consciousness #podcastmilestone #comedy #contracts #voiceacting

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Robot

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: uh hey hey everybody it's me it's me nary bumper car and um so this is episode this is episode 325 and um that's huge that's a big episode what yeah no i i don't think i'm i'm not talking different at all why would you ask that what well listen no it's just that guys i got um braces invisalign i got invisalign they're not braces i guess they're like plastic trays that go onto my mouth and um i got it last well three days ago and um everything is weird and everything is different and i don't eat food and i only drink water and um now i'm super self-conscious about how i talk and um yeah it's pretty awesome you know it's good why why would i get it well because i had some teeth that were cracked because something like the way that my jaw was setting or sitting or something and uh it was also there's some weird gum stuff happening i don't really understand it i just kind of go to the dentist and i they say things and i shake my head sure sure but i was like hey guys this isn't gonna make me sound any different is it and they were like no of course it's not gonna make you sound any different and i was like good because i you know what i talk i talk for a living i just kind of i do i love talking talking so i just wanted to make sure i didn't i didn't sound any

    Producer: different but um i was worried about because i got the invisalign too if it would make me sound any different than it uh but they said it doesn't affect your voice at all so it's good you know it's good it's a little bit tight on my teeth but uh it's overall i think it's a pretty good experience so uh yeah you know do you think i sound different my teeth are gonna be nice and straight no i don't think i sound different i think you sound exactly the same okay okay i wasn't sure all right am i right come on yeah i think you sound

    Natty Bumpercar: exactly the same too like i don't hear any difference in how you're speaking at all so this is working oh

    Rufus T. Rufus: hello there boom this is very difficult hold on a second let me just uh adjust my my jill but here everyone this is Rofresh teeth Rofresh and uh according to the contract i was able to get uh five invisaligns for the price of one and i made them sign and seal and deliver a piece of paper understand because i am the lawyer for here at headquarters for the bumper podcast i made them sign a letter that stated that no one's voice would sound different because of course we are in the business of making noises with our mouths you understand podcasting you understand standoff comedy you understand comedy you understand comedy you understand comedy you cartoons, and whatnot, such as that. There's a lot more spittle in my mouth, is what I've noticed. There's a lot more jumble, you know, just jumbles and jambles and such as that. Episode, excuse me, I do not like to pucker up on the microphone like that. Episode 325, Natty Bumpergut, congratulations for making it to episode 325. We have brought you this, hold on a second, gift that I will purchase, that I will find, hold on one second.

    Natty Bumpercar: Guys, I can't even believe you guys got me a gift that I, I do think, I mean, like, to my ear, it sounds a little, a little bit different.

    Producer: I mean, maybe it's just ghosts. Yeah, right? Just like a little,

    Natty Bumpercar: just a tiny bit different. I don't know. It might just be, I might be stuffed up or something.

    Producer: Well, it's terrible. Problems are ceasing outside right now. So it could be dead, of course. But, you know, what Rufus was talking about with the present, we, you know, all came together. We all gathered together in the break room and we were like, that's a lot of episodes, 325 episodes. And so, you know, we thought, oh, hey, we're saved by the door.

    Doodle Poodle: It's a big little problem. It's a little problem. Oh, I can't, I don't know. I can't. I also got a universal life. So it's in my mouth. And they're not a sponsor. So I don't think we should keep saying their name. But I'm very excited, you said, to have straight teeth. That look like little pearls in my mouth. And I just wonder, I can't even talk. You know what I'm gonna do? Is I'm gonna go over, it's me, doodle poodle. I couldn't say it before. But now I'm able to say it a little bit easier. So anyway, I'm gonna probably make a doodle. Something exciting. Like somebody who has pearls in their mouth instead of teeth. I don't think you, I think you guys sound not this, I think you guys sound totally the same. So anyway. Thanks TP. This is kind of cool.

    Natty Bumpercar: Alright, he sounded more down than I think I've ever heard him. He sounded kind of confused. and I get a little bit worried and like a little bit so like listen Invisalign right what do they do they take molds of your see it hurts I don't think it's supposed to hurt they take um they took molds of my mouth with this goo stuff and then they sent the goo to the place and I guess they made um little they call them trays and these trays are the shape of your teeth and so then um they uh make they make they put they say hey we're gonna put some buttons on your teeth they call them buttons which sounds adorable I would love to have buttons on my teeth that sounds like the coolest new trend hey did you get your buttons on your teeth oh man I don't do those until spring okay whatever but that's what they said they said all right time to put the buttons on you I'm like yay buttons and so what buttons turn out to be are these little stalactites stalagmite sharp pointy just spikes of enamel on your teeth and maybe not enamel epoxy epoxy is what I was trying to say and so they they put them on certain spots and then they flash this blue light and then the blue light goes in and it makes them hard like super hard you stuck your tooth so then the trays can hold on and adjust your how your uh your your teeth uh but so you had to pop them in you got to pop them out and I don't it's done something cool where I don't eat anymore like I eat once really in a day and I don't like to snack because I have to take them out whenever you eat snacks and then you have to brush your teeth and it's just constant tooth brushing I uh I drink a lot more water than I used to and I don't like to eat a lot of water

    Rufus T. Rufus: I was going to say that you do look a little bit blue there, Aloysius J. Peters. For me, I'm extremely self-conscious about how I look. You can understand by the way I dress, by the way I walk, by the way I move, by the way I talk. So this is a big change for me. Maybe I can make it through. It's only 10 weeks, 10 episodes of the Bumper Podcast where you guys are going to… This will be known as the period of the Bumper Podcast where everybody sounded a little bit off. A little bit interesting.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, so, as far as the whole sounding different thing, honestly, I do. I know I do. But if I focus on it, then I can kind of get it better. But I actually have to do mental gymnastics and make my mouth move a little bit differently to sound the way it normally sounds. And it's kind of, there's an imperceptible, like, there's a lisp. There's a little bit of a… A drag on how I speak. And there's a little bit more air in it. I listen to these things. That's how I figure out how to make silly voices. But my wife was like, the first night, she was like, Oh, you don't sound different. You don't sound different at all. And I was like, but I do. I know I do. And I have to, like, shape my mouth differently. Like, these are interesting, weird things that I have to do. And then the next day, I was talking to her on the phone. And she's like, oh, I was watching this show. And there's a comment. A commentator. One of the guys on the show. And he must have had Invisalign. And I was like, wait, why? What do you mean? She was like, well, he sounded like you. And I was just like, but you said yesterday that I don't sound different. And now you said I do. It's all lies. It's a house of lies. So, you know, it's fine. It sounds different. That part, I'm not worried about. The annoyance of the constantly popping mouth. Not constantly. Twice. Twice a day. Like, I ate lunch. I ate lunch. And then maybe I'm going to eat a snack later. That's it. Water. All the time. Because I just don't. They're like, the trays are going to capture the bad stuff. And I'm like, I don't want bad stuff on my teeth. Oh, hey.

    Robot: Hey, everybody. It's me, Robot. And I also received I was the fifth member of the Invisalign Club. So, I don't think I sound different at all. Do you?

    Natty Bumpercar: Robot, you sound like you're from either the future or space or robot heaven. You sound completely like I listen to a pig and I listen to Rufus and I listen to Doodle Poodle and myself, obviously. We all understand what's going on with our mouths. But you, I feel like there's a lack of self-aware. You sound like a celestial robot being right now. Right. That's how you sound. It sounds like your mouth is full of angel horns. No, no, no. Or something like that.

    Robot: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I was told that I would sound exactly the same. Why, I have a commercial gig coming up very soon. A voiceover commercial gig where I'm in a robot sausage factory and I have to speak to the camera. I can't sound different. I have a contract.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Now, did somebody say something about a contract? Because as I said. I have it in writing and it is stamped. It is annotated and it is authorized that we will not sound different. So I suppose I'm going to have to sound it up to somebody and say a few words.

    Natty Bumpercar: Rufus, that time you didn't sound anything like yourself whatsoever. I think that the invisible line is messing with everyone. Hey, we made it to 325 episodes.

    Doodle Poodle: Woo-hoo. Yeah, we did it. Woo-hoo.

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  • Bumperpodcast #319 – Sprang

    Bumperpodcast #319 – Sprang

    Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    Hooray for chitter-chatter! Pig talks about getting organized, and then Natty pops in, and then Rufus pops in. It’s a regular treat!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

     

    About This Episode

    In episode 319 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar and Aloysious J. Pig discuss the arrival of spring and their shared frustration with winter lasting far too long. Their conversation is interrupted by legal counsel Rufus T. Rufus, who sounds under the weather and launches into a rambling defense of contracts and his privileged position in society. Natty shares updates on his creative projects, including webcomics called Rants and Snowflake, before delivering an earnest message about watching out for predatory people who take advantage of others. The episode blends absurdist humor with unexpectedly sincere advice about protecting yourself and your loved ones from exploitation.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Here's my thing, I like winter because of christmas so I get some stuff under the tree… but then I don't want to go out in it and I don't want to drive in it.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I was born on third base, and the ball is in left field, and I'm just gonna walk on home, if you understand.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “There's people in the world who want to take advantage of you. Don't let them do that. They're gonna try to take your cotton candy. They're gonna try to pop your balloon.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #spring #winter #seasons #contracts #socialcommentary #webcomics #exploitation #friendship

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: now you see so what i was telling them was that you gotta take a little bit from column a and a little bit from column b and then at the bottom of the chart what's gonna happen is you're gonna those are gonna conflagrate you know i don't do a lot of math terms hey pig oh hey bumsy what's going on not much what are you talking about a little bit from column i love it when people say that you take a little bit from column a and a little bit from column b because it just makes it things sound very uh organized and very there's a logic structure that's behind it and things are making sense and you've got columns you might even have rows i don't know but i am not that organized and and and that's not how i live my life but i'm glad that there are people who who are like that so good for them well here's the thing too is like for me uh i'm not organized neither but uh i i'm not we're not doing spring cleaning but we're doing is we're springing forward if you understand so we spring the spring is sprang sprung sprung sprung yeah fine that's fine yeah okay so the spring is sprung oh so you're saying that we're not necessarily doing cleaning around here we're not cleaning house but that uh we were we were coiled up for the winter we were uh burrowed in we were uh hiding under the blankets and now maybe the sun is going to come out and the snow is going to melt away and there's going to be blue skies and then we can finally get on with our lives after this long winter is that is that what you're essentially that's what i'm saying but the winter's been so long it seems like it's been like 18 months of long winter i didn't move to mars all right mars is a terrible place to raise a pig and so i don't want to go there what i like i like seasons not seasoning i like just uh hey guess what it is it's full oh you know what's coming up next a little thing we call winter and then hey after winter uh how about we do some spring and then some summer yeah here's the thing that's four months or four seasons yeah you got it and then it is 12 months calendars no months 12 months and hold on all right now here i think i i i i like what you're screaming over there pig so let me i'm going to take over for just a second here what you're saying is there's four seasons per year uh fall winter spring summer all right cool and then there's 12 months 12 divided by four is going to it should be three i want three months of spring i want three months of fall i want three months of summer and most importantly i want no more than three months of winter yes if i can have it winter is my least favorite why because i get chilly i get chilly cold i have normally i'm walking around during the winter with five to six jackets on that's too many jackets i can't even fit through most doors too many jackets too much it's too much it's too much i can't and the kids are always like hey are we going to the pool now oh the pool's outside we can't go to the pool why not they're like i'd go swimming it's like you would you would you would freeze it would be terrible it'd be the worst thing ever here's my thing uh i i like winter because uh of uh christmas so i get some stuff under the tree we have the tree and it smells nice and i do like if i'm sitting by the window i like it when it snows because it looks really pretty like there's street lights out street lights on the street and um you can see the snowflakes flittering and fluttering through the street lights because the street lights have kind of a lot of light and it's kind of a little bit of an orange orange glow orange yeah orange yeah and it just looks really pretty but then i don't want to go out in it and i don't want to drive in it and i know you don't want to shovel it because you get sick of that it's just too much it's terrible but then you know they're like what's the groundhog he's just like hey bro you got six more weeks of winter and you're like oh okay i guess i can handle that i guess i can deal with it and then you're into week eight you're into nine and it's still winter and you're like bro bro we had a contract like we had an agreement

    Rufus T. Rufus: hold on a second here this is rufus t rufus and did i hear someone talk about a contract well my friend my friend my friend i am the one around the bumper podcast headquarters who talks about contracts excuse me i got a little bit of a cold that's why i don't sound quite normal today you understand because winter has not ceased to exist and so i am still feeling a little bit cold and not feeling too well however i can and i will defend your honor in court of law and i will take that contract that that varmint has put together and i will take that contract and i will take that contract and i will take that contract and i will Take it to the magistrate, and we will make it so, so, not good, but great, if you understand what I'm saying, if you understand what I mean.

    Natty Bumpercar: How you doing, Rufus? You sound, you sound really kind of sick, like you got a frog in your throat. Rufus, have you been eating frogs again? Because we told you that's not, that's frowned upon. You know, considering that I am an anthropomorphic pig, and we got dogs that talk and everything, we're asking you not to eat too many animals, because you never know. Hold on a second, I just remembered, producer from my Periscope show is a frog, please tell me that producer is not in your throat. Oh no, oh no, this is, speaking of breaking contracts, specifically in his contract, it said, do not eat me, so that's, that's against the law. You're breaking the law, you're breaking the law, you're breaking the law, you're breaking the law, you're breaking the law, you're breaking the law!

    Rufus T. Rufus: I would never break the law! You understand, I do not break the laws, I make the laws, and every so often I swoop in and I take the laws, because that, you see, you see, you see, you see, my friend, is how it works in our society. Well, we have a bit of a pyramid, and there's people that are working, there's people that are working, and then there's other people like myself that are born into a situation. That are born into a stature, you understand, where I don't have to work if I don't want to. I was born on third base, and the ball is in left field, and I'm just gonna walk on home, if you understand, and I'm going to, I know I did not hit the ball, I was hit by a pitch, which got me on the first base, and then there was a passed ball, which ended me up on second base, and then, lo and behold, one of the infielders, he, he, he, he booted the ball, which moved me on to third base. So I got here by not doing anything in particular other than being a part of the game. I was born, I was put into the game, and now I'm on third base, and I'm walking home, because that is how our society works. I was put here for a reason, and that reason is, I was put here for a reason, and that reason is, to score points, so my friend, my friend, my friend, I'm sorry if it sounds like I have a frog in my throat, but I will not be besmirched by the likes of you or your little pink friend.

    Natty Bumpercar: Hey, uh, lip bro, no one's besmirching you, you gotta understand, you come into the kitchen, it's kind of a little bit… it's kind of a little bit warm. We're just recording a podcast, and you slipped in when you heard the whole thing about contracts, which is totally understandable, it makes a whole bunch of sense. However, we just gotta, you know, maybe point out to you, though, relax a little bit, we're having fun. This is a bumper podcast, so it's his show, and he's just gonna bibble, and he's gonna babble, and he's not necessarily gonna talk about anything in particular. But you're gonna listen to it, because you love it, because every week it comes out, and it's so much fun! Right, bro? Yeah, bro, of course, bro, bro, bro. Uh, yeah, so this is the Bumper Podcast, and I am Natty Bumpercar, and that is my friend, I'm turning your mics off just so you know, Aloysius J. Pig, he gave you a wave, and thank you for coming in, as always, Rufus T. Rufus, he is the legal counsel for all of us here at, uh, headquarters for the Bumper Podcast, and everything else that we do, including… We've been making some cool webcomics, uh, drawing some, uh, my little ants, I don't know if you've ever seen them, but they're cute, and they're, but they, sometimes they yell, and so, I think I have to maybe do a little bit more research, but we're calling that webcomic, Rants, now, because, ants, I saw that somebody had taken the name, Ants, for their comic, and I was like, ahhh, but I've been doing this for years, but I just never, I never grabbed it, I guess, and so, uh, I think Rants is kinda cute, because it makes sense. And then, on the sideline, we're, I'm trying to figure out how to, uh, I don't know if you guys ever read Snowflake, it was my comic, and it's so great, it's my, it's one of my favorite things I've ever done. But, I'm trying to figure out how I can make Snowflake, uh, uh, start it up again, but then I think I might also take all of the, uh, the strips, and cut them up so we, they can be on Instagram, and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. and so they can be their own, uh, their own thing. right? and I, cause I see, there's these webcomics that are on Instagram, and they're super cool, because, like, you can swipe on them to get the different, uh, the different panels, and I was like, I want, I want my little dudes to do that! I wish I had an intern. Does anyone wanna be an intern? Cause then you can sit around and you can cut up, I think there's roughly, like, 200 or so of these comics that need to be cut up. Uh, I'll pay you handsomely in experience! That's what, that's a funny thing they do in stand-up, uh, comedy, is, uh, people, so there's, I, I've talked about it before, but there's a lot of bad people, and they're like, hey, you wanna come do my show? And you're like, ah, I don't know, what, you know, and you're like, we gotta bring five people, and they gotta, you know, there's a ticket admission at the door, then they gotta buy drinks, and you're like, ah, my friends are gonna be out, like, $70? You know, do I get paid? And they're like, paid? Paid? Yeah, you get paid in exchange. You get paid in experience, and you're like, that's not paid! That's not, no, that's, you're taking advantage. Ladies and gentlemen who listen to the Bumper Podcast, what I want you to take away from this show, if you, if you will, is watch out, because there's people in the world who want to take advantage of you. Don't let them do that. They're predatory, mean people, who will see people coming down the, uh, boardwalk, walking around with their balloon and their, uh, their cotton candy, and they, they're like, that one, I'm gonna take that one for everything they've got. Don't let them. Don't let them. Stand up for yourself, alright? Don't, I'm not saying get in fights or get in a huff, but just be cognizant that sometimes people don't have your best interests at heart. Uh, and you want to go into the world, you don't want to be jaded, you don't want to be like, oh, the world's out to get me, but you've just got to go into the world. You've got to understand that, take care of yourself, and take care of the people around you, and your friends, and your loved ones, because, otherwise, who's gonna do it? Not, not random people. Random people are gonna try to take your cotton candy. They're gonna try to pop your balloon. And that's not acceptable. They're gonna try to take your bumper podcast away, and we just won't let them!

    Unknown: We won't let them.

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  • Bumperpodcast #234 – The farce is a finagle!

    Bumperpodcast #234 – The farce is a finagle!

    Rufus T. Rufus is back to hassle everyone at the Bumperpodcast – and Natty Bumpercar is a bit down – right up until Doodle Poodle shows up with a plan!

    Do you plan? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar finds himself in legal hot water when Rufus T. Rufus claims to own the entire podcast due to a contract breach. Rufus insists that because Aloysious J. Pig was doing unauthorized Periscope broadcasts, he now owns all of Natty's intellectual property. Just when things look dire, Doodle Poodle arrives claiming to have taken lawyering classes and offers to help. In a surprising twist, Doodle's unconventional legal tactics involving doodling on the contract somehow invalidate it, freeing Natty from Rufus's claims. The whole ordeal turns out to be what Rufus calls "a finagle," with Doodle Poodle saving the day in the most unexpected way possible.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I now own the bumper podcast and everything there in between you understand sir all mine all the time and it rhymes on a dime”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “I just took the contract and, you know, I went through it and I made a few doodles on it! It's invalidated!”

    — Doodle Poodle

    “That means this whole boss is a finagle!”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    Topics: #contracts #legaldisputes #intellectualproperty #friendship #periscope #lawyers #comedy #conflictresolution

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey everybody that's me uh natty bumper car this is a bumper podcast and this is

    Rufus T. Rufus: you understand i just thought you maybe had forgotten and you'd maybe gone away and you were just gonna leave us alone and here you are here i am because this is my show now you are in a breach of contract and you understand that's the law that's nothing that i'm doing my friend oh we are friends my friend because you see here under this contract i own every bit of intellectual property you have been putting out for years and years and years it doesn't no i don't think you i don't i don't know much about contracts but i'm pretty sure that you don't own any i feel like i'm whining i feel like i'm whining at this point but listen rufus um you were a great manager

    Natty Bumpercar: i know that pig was doing periscopes and that broke some sort of part of the contract and so now you think you own the podcast or whatever but you don't own it

    Rufus T. Rufus: everything i don't know anything i don't think i don't know i'm trying to figure this out and work on it and i don't i don't i don't i don't i don't you okay i'm stuttering i don't even and i don't know what's going on well here's let me tell you exactly what's going on as you described in the previous predicament your friend aloysius jay big whose name is on this contract was doing and so what that means ipso facto is that i now own the bumper podcast and everything there in between you understand sir all mine all the time and it rhymes on a dime yeah eating a lot okay that doesn't mean anything some other things right you understand what i'm doing there yeah i understand what you're doing you're being you're kind of being a not you're not being very nice you're kind of being a jerk you're being a jerk you're being a jerk you're being a jerk you're being a jerk i'm sorry to say that but that's kind of what's happening all right like pig did we all do a lot of other shows i do stand-up shows i do other people's podcasts do you huh interesting yes oh that's fine well then evidently we got multiple breaches of contract up in here and i don't think you understand the legality of the system of the law of the land what my friend you have done yourself into a real pickle here a pickle juice do you understand why don't you you can drink your pickle juice i don't want to drink in the corner what and read the contract read the fine print of the contract read between the lines of the contract you know i

    Doodle Poodle: don't think i'm not gonna do that i cry everybody what and a hell of an downhill what how what what is what are they doing here huh how Oh! I'm here! I've been taking lawyering classes on my T's off, and I'm gonna- I know a lot about lawyers and stuff. Well, I doubt that! You do? Uh, no.

    Rufus T. Rufus: What? Lawyer? Lawyer stuff? He don't know nothin'. No. About nothin'. He don't know nothin' about this doll. I would like to see the contract if you don't mind! Yeah, give him the contract, Rufus. That's- I mean- Suppose! Why not? Just give it to him. Let's see what happens. If this is your new lawyer, then here is the contract, my sir.

    Doodle Poodle: Alright, thank you very much. Let me just look through this and- Oh, look at- I mean- What in the world are you doing? What are you doing with that?

    Rufus T. Rufus: Now, give me that contract back right now! What is- What did he do to it? That's not acceptable! That is not Proud Lawyers Act! That is not proper lawyering, sir! From one legal advisor to another, that is not proper!

    Natty Bumpercar: Doodle Poodle, what did you just do to the contract? I don't even understand. What- what just-

    Rufus T. Rufus: What did just happen?

    Doodle Poodle: I just took the contract and, you know, I went through it and I made a few doodles on it!

    Rufus T. Rufus: You did what? That's disgusting! Come on!

    Doodle Poodle: It's invalidated!

    Rufus T. Rufus: What? What did you just say? Invalidated? Did you just wreck my contract? That means that I don't own anything! That means that the Bumper Podcast goes back to you, Bumper! God, that means this whole boss is a finagle!

    Doodle Poodle: Doodle Poodle, I think you did it! You did it! You did it! The boss is a finagle!

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  • Bumperpodcast #231 – Contractual Issues

    Bumperpodcast #231 – Contractual Issues

    Rufus T. Rufus takes the Bumperpodcast over and declares that the show is at an end. That this is the last show. Can it be true?!

    Do you have a contract? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. 

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, manager Rufus T. Rufus storms in with shocking news: the show is cancelled forever! Host Natty Bumpercar and Aloysious J. Pig are blindsided when Rufus reveals that Pig has breached his contract by doing a show on Periscope. As Rufus waves around legal documents claiming Pig signed away exclusive rights to the Bumperpodcast, confusion ensues—especially since Pig admits he can't actually read. The episode captures the improvisational comedy chaos as the characters try to understand how Pig's daily Periscope adventures might have doomed their beloved podcast. Will this really be the end of the Bumperpodcast?

    Memorable Quotes

    “The Bumper Podcast is absolutely, inequivocably, totally, totally done. You can put your computer radios on the shelf, and you can walk away.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “Did you read it before you signed it? I can't read, bro.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “This is your only, we're your only client, and why would you take away the only show that we got?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #contracts #legaltroubles #periscope #podcastcancellation #comedy #chaos #breachofcontract

    Featuring: Multiple speakers – diarization error

    Full Transcript

    Multiple speakers – diarization error: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Rufus T. Rufus. I am the manager around this establishment, and I'm here to tell you that the Bumper Podcast is absolutely, inequivocably, totally, totally done. Listen, you can stop listening right now if you want, you can put your computer radios on the shelf, and you can walk away, because again, I will say it, in totality, I have the legal language here. What is, Rufus, what are you doing? You're not supposed to be, you can't, you're not allowed to start the podcast. Well, my friend, you need to understand. I don't need to understand. Well, you need to understand. No, you are the manager, sure, but I'm Natty Bumpercar, and this is the Bumper Podcast, and I don't- Why don't you bring your little piggy friend in here, then, and we can have a little discussion. Okay, I don't know what you're talking about, but yeah, sure, I want to- Hey, Peg, come here for a second, Rufus is just, he wants to talk to you. I want to set him straight is what I want to do. Hey, everybody, it's me, Peg, what's going on, how you doing, Bumpercar, Rufus? What are you doing in here? You know you ain't supposed to be in here, it's the Bumper Podcast, you're just hanging out, I don't know what you're doing. I don't know what he's doing here, I don't know. How you guys doing, anyway? Well, I'm not doing well at all, because- Doing fine. Just like, you just, I mean, Rufus is in here, and I don't know why he's in here, but- Get my money, is what I'm going to do. What were you even talking about? You were saying the Bumper Podcast is over, it's done? Yeah, exactly. I don't, what do you mean? What does that even mean? How can it be done? Well- It's not even, it's my show. Boys, boys, boys, I thank y'all both for coming in here, and I figured it was appropriate to your listeners to do this on the air, but what I am telling you again, emphatically, totalitarian, and stupidably, is that the Bumper Podcast is over and done with, zero more coming. No. Ever. This news to me- No. Dun-ska-doodle, dun-ska-deedle, dun-ska-goodbye Bumper Podcast. I don't understand why you, what you doing, Rufus? This is your only, we're your only client, and why would you take away the only show that we got? Don't, don't even listen to him, he doesn't, Rufus, just stop. I don't mean, I don't know what you're coming in here for, and I don't know what you're talking about, but- My friend, this is what we call a- What's that? Contract right here. I didn't, do we have a, we have a contract? You have a contract. Okay, I didn't know we have a contract. Did I sign that? You signed it. Yeah, you did. What's it say? What do you know? Well- All right, tell me. According to this legal document, you're in breach of contract. I know, I have a pig. Specifically because your little friend, Pig, there- That's me. Signed on the dotted line, Aloysius J. Pig. That's my name, yeah, yeah. Now, he would be doing the Bumper Podcast. I guess, as his show, and no other shows at all, my friend, so thank you, Case Closed. Have a wonderful day. But I don't understand, I mean, like, this is the show, this is the podcast that we do. This is the podcast, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, obviously, it's the Bumper Podcast that we do all together, and I don't know what he's talking about, Bumsy. You figure it out. You're the one who can read. Wait, Pig, so did you, I mean, I'm looking at your, your signature is on there, and you did you, did you sign it? I think I might have signed it, yeah. Right now. Okay, well- With my paw. Did you read it before you signed it? I can't read, bro. I don't care. All right, I don't remember. I don't think, do you have, I don't, do you have one with my name on it? Because I just see the one contract here. Hey, well, I don't, I don't, I don't matter one bit. This is- No, but- Signed in perpetuity for all of y'all. That's a good legal word. So, Rick includes robot, that includes doodle poodle, that includes y'all. Y'all little babies, that includes- Everybody? Every single character that's ever been on this show- Everybody. Forever, from the tip of time to the tip of mind. That doesn't make sense. Y'all, in your mind is what I'm saying. Okay, all right. Because you signed the contract- Pig did. Only Pig. You're in Dutch, my friend. All right. Double time Dutch. So, what show did Pig do? How did he breach the contract? In a periscope, I believe. Periscope. Periscope. I'm periscoping every day. Periscope. I'm always pig show. Yeah. What do you know? Periscope got us in trouble. What? Go, go. And so for that, he is done. What do you know? It's a song. Huh? No more bumper podcast ever. Ever? Oh, boy. What are we going to do?

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