Tag: comedy

Natty Bumpercar: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the Bumper Podcast, where today I'm going to tell you a story. Is everyone gathered around? Is everyone sitting down? You over there, you should sit down. And you over there, put your hand down, it's not time for questions yet. And you over there, it's only going to be a three minute story, so no, you don't have time to go to the bathroom and come back. And you over there, can I have a sip of tea? Can I have a sip of your soda? Here's the thing, right this second, right now, guess where the Bumper Podcast is? Guess, guess, guess, guess, guess, guess, guess, do you know? Do you have any idea at all? You don't? Well, that would make sense. I mean, normally, I guess you could say, oh, you're at headquarters, because you're recording, right? Well, or because you don't sound like you're walking around with socks, and you don't sound like you're driving, and those are the only places where we've ever heard you record a Bumper Podcast, so how else would we know anywhere else where you would be? That's some fast talking. I'm a fast talker. Well, right now, we pulled up the tent stakes, and the Bumper Podcast is at the beach. Yeah, that's right, we're on vacation. At least some of us are. Some of us who feel like they don't want to be part of the show anymore. I'm looking at you, robot. Maybe they're not at the beach, so actually, I'm not looking at robot, but I'm looking where robot normally is. Socks the dog. Socks the dog. Socks the dog. Doggy daycare. That's where he goes when he goes on vacation. Actually, more expensive than our vacation. Huh. Isn't that fun? Double the vacation. It's kind of like when you go to a restaurant, right? And you think you're going to be, like, not spending that much money. Oh, look. I'm just going to get a cocktail. I'm going to get a beverage on top of this food that I'm getting. How much? Oh, my meal just doubled. Oh, perfect. I can't imagine a better thing to do than doubling my bill because I was a little thirsty. I appreciate it. Thank you very much. Is that free tax? I don't really know what that means. The Bumper Podcast, it's so exciting. Right this very second, as you're listening to this, I could be at the beach. I could be walking around on the beach, not going in the water because there's monsters in the water. Big, angry, bumper car eating monsters potentially in the water. They're looking at me as I'm looking at them. And it's like they're playing Red Rover. Red Rover, Red Rover, send that luscious piece of food on over. And you know what I say to them? I say the nay. I will enjoy my time here on the beach under an umbrella, wearing a long-sleeved shirt, probably with a large amount of SPF on me, eating food, not getting drinks because I can't afford it because my allowance got cut off. But who cares? I'm on vacation.