Tag: comedy

  • Bumperpodcast 117 – Draftsmans Disease

    Bumperpodcast 117 – Draftsmans Disease

    I don’t wear socks – because I’m notinto cruelty to sock animals … So – I constantly run the risk of catching Draftsmans Disease. You have been warned.

    I think that we sing a New Year’s song as well – maybe about Pig and Robot? I’m not entirely sure. Please tell us what the song was all about by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com – and then we’ll all be on the same page.

    Wahoo!

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    About This Episode

    In this New Year's Eve episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar kicks off 2024 with a rambling monologue about expired potatoes, restaurant policies regarding Aloysious J. Pig, and an impassioned rant against wearing socks. Natty introduces listeners to "draftsman's disease," a fictitious ailment caught from going sockless in drafty conditions. The episode features Natty's signature stream-of-consciousness comedy as he declares his anti-sock stance, arguing that wearing socks breaks up sock families. This short New Year's special showcases the absurdist humor that Bumperpodcast fans have come to love, ending with both a warning and a holiday greeting.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You know how many socks had to be put down in order for your feet to be warm? Well at least two if you've got two feet.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If you've only got one foot then only one sock had to be put down but you know what happens then is that there's one sock who's lonely so you're breaking up sock families.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If you do you run the risk of catching draftsman's disease. Happy new year!”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #newyear #socks #restaurants #friendship #comedy #absurdisthumor #holiday

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: should old potatoes be store-bought or should we just eat out there's probably some cheese in the fridge so yeah we should probably eat out but if we go to the restaurant then they won't let pig in and we will have to find somewhere else because we're his best friends so robot should look it up what place we'll let pig in so and we will go on to that place and we'll order and dig in how about that how about that how about that happy new year happy new year happy new year this is the last podcast that you're gonna hear of this year probably unless i get crazy or not i'm not gonna get crazier because this is the last one you're gonna hear deal with it right i mean you don't want anymore you're busy too it's a crazy time of year i just sang you a little song about disease do you know what that is that's the disease you catch when there's a draft all the time and i don't wear socks you know why because i'm anti socks because what they ever do to me that i'm gonna do you know how many socks had to be put down in order for your feet to be warm well at least two if you've got two feet if you've only got one foot then only one sock had to be put down but you know what that happens what happens then is that there's one sock who's lonely so you know you're it's you're breaking up sock families is what i'm telling you so you have to walk around sockless i don't usually get on my high horse or on my uh my my my box what kind of box is it i don't usually get on the kind of box that people get on where they're telling you what to do but in this case my friends my bumper podcast pals i'm gonna tell you what to do you you have to go sockless but be warned because if you do you run the risk of catching draftsman's disease happy new year

  • Bumperpodcast 109 – Plague

    Bumperpodcast 109 – Plague

    Natty Bumpercar returns to Headquarters with the icky-nasty-yucky plague – but – he has missed the Bumperpodcast studios so much – that he decides to give you a little bit of the talky-talk.

    Mostly – he just takes his throat to task for not doing what it’s supposed to do – which is evidently just to sit there and be a pipe. There are firings that are threatened.

    Listen to the Bumperpodcast to see if there is a job opening for a throat …

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    About This Episode

    In episode 109 of the Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar returns to headquarters feeling under the weather. Suffering from what he calls "the plague," Natty delivers a hilarious rant about his malfunctioning body parts. He breaks down the basic job requirements of a throat—breathing and swallowing—and expresses his frustration that his throat can't even handle these simple tasks. Natty also voices his disappointment with his nose, threatening to fire both body parts if he could continue operating without them. This solo episode showcases Natty's signature comedic style as he turns being sick into an absurd performance review of his own anatomy.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I brought back with me the plague, I brought back with me disease, I brought back with me the funk, I brought back with me the ew, the yucky, the goo.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You're a throat, you're just a tube. You're not really even doing anything, you just have to sit there.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If I could fire my nose and throat and still continue this operation that I'm in right now, you know what I would do it.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #beingsick #comedy #illness #bodyparts #rant #soloepisode #health

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey everybody it's me daddy bumper car and the uh wow i am back in headquarters and that is awesome and that is great and you know what i brought back with me i brought back with me the plague i brought back with me disease i brought back with me the funk i brought back with me the ew the yucky the goo i can't breathe i have this nose that doesn't even know how to work i have this throat it doesn't even like me talking about it sometimes if i talk about my throat it decides to just close up and not work at all which to me is inappropriate it's like hey you're a throat how about you work is kind of what i'm thinking you know because really as a throat what do you have to do you have a few pretty i would say basic tasks uh a throat is uh breathing in and out all right that's you know if we want to say it that could be two things but really it's just kind of airflow so what i'm gonna do i'm i'm gonna be a stickler i'm gonna say airflow that's one in and out you're just a tube you're not really even doing anything you just have to sit there and the other thing you know is is again it's it's you know you can break it up if you want to if you want to give the throat uh you know oh poor throat you know you can say oh you have to drink liquids liquid has to go down oh no you have to uh uh take in food you know like solid stuff so like but really that's just one thing it's just you're taking stuff in so and i'll give you another you so you take stuff in and you know how people say oh cough cough cough that went down the wrong pipe i guess you know like if you take a drink and you can't um and you and they're like cough cough cough and then they're like oh well i know i just said this but that went down the wrong pipe and you're just like whatever jethro i don't care so throat here's what you're supposed to do for me you're supposed to breathe you're supposed to uh in and out that's one and you're supposed to let me uh eat and drink stuff so so food going down and that's all you do just do it don't don't bust don't fuss don't fight just do what you're supposed to do and nose i don't even want to talk about my nose at this point because it's not even it's so far not even trying it's ridiculous if i could fire my nose and throat and still continue this operation that i'm in right now you know what i would do it

  • Bumperpodcast 101

    Bumperpodcast 101

    Sorry that this is so late … But – there is a lot of whispering going on – because Baby Bumpercar officially has a stomach virus … a yucky-icky-nasty little stomach virus. Poor little guy.

    We shall defeat this sickness – today – on the Bumperpodcast!

     

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    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 101, Natty Bumpercar attempts to record quietly while Baby Bumpercar battles a stomach virus at headquarters. The episode begins with whispered warnings about keeping quiet, but Natty soon realizes he's in a soundproof booth and can speak normally. He shares the messy, disgusting details of dealing with a sick baby who goes from playing adorably with trains to exploding goo everywhere. Natty laments the arrival of sickly season at headquarters, which apparently lasts eight months out of the year, and declares his disdain for the unwelcome stomach virus invader.

    Memorable Quotes

    “It's like you've got this adorable little baby child, running around, playing with trains, talking, bibble babble, and then boom. Goo. Smelly, icky, yucky, nasty, goo.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Stomach virus, I'm not a fan. I don't like you. I want you out of headquarters. You're not paying rent. I'm sick of you.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #illness #winter #babybumpercar #headquarters #comedy #stomachvirus

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Unknown: Please make sure and be as quiet as you can, because Baby Bumper Car has got a virus, a stomach virus, and he's trying to sleep, so we can't wake him up, because if we do, he's liable to do the things that stomach viruses make you do, which are disgusting, and which shan't be discussed here. Disgust, disgusting. You see what I'm saying? So be very quiet. I don't want to wake him up, and you don't want me to wake him up, because if I do, it's all over.

    Natty Bumpercar: It, it's all over. It's, here's the thing, Bumper Podcast. By the way, I'm Natty Bumper Car. This is Bumper Podcast number 101. 101. And here we are, back in the sickly season, uh, winter. Which, around headquarters, is roughly eight months out of the year. Uh, we're just starting it off, but we're starting it off with a bang. That's a stomach virus. Uh, it has not migrated to anyone outside of its host carrier, and that's Baby Bumper Car. Um, I'm talking normal now, uh, normal-ish, as normal as I can, because I realized I'm in a soundproof booth, and while it's fun to whisper, I don't really have to. I'm gonna be honest with you, because he can't hear me, and I can't hear him. Huh. I wonder what he's doing out there. I mean, I wonder if he's even sleeping. I mean, if, I wonder if he's doing what stomach viruses make him do. I wasn't gonna tell you about this. It makes him explode. It makes him explode goo from, from, it's, from everywhere, on everywhere, everywhere. It's horrible. It's the worst. It's like you've got this adorable little, uh, baby child, what, running around, playing with trains, talking, bibble babble, bibble babble, look at me, bibble babble, bibble babble, what's that, what's that, and then boom. Goo. Smelly, icky, yucky, nasty, goo. Stomach virus, I'm not a fan. I don't like you. I want you out of headquarters. I want you out of Baby Bumper Car. I mean, you're leaving, you're going out already in all of this. I mean, directions, but I mean, I want you, you're not, you're done. You're not paying rent. I'm sick of you. I love the baby, though. Love Baby Bumper Car. Stomach virus, not so much.

  • Bumperpodcast 79 – The flies have it

    Bumperpodcast 79 – The flies have it

    Things aren’t going well in Headquarters … Maybe you can help us with it – or – maybe you know someone who can help us with the situation … A critter has potentially passed away in the attic …

    And the flies – oh dear goodness graciousness – the flies.

    Someone help … please.

    If you think that you can help us – then email us at bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

     

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    About This Episode

    In episode 79 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar faces a crisis at headquarters involving an unwelcome wildlife situation. After encountering two fearsome squirrels in the attic and backing away slowly to maintain eye contact, things take a turn for the worse. A deceased squirrel in the backyard leads to an invasion of flies that threatens to take over the entire headquarters. Natty's comedic panic and increasingly frantic descriptions make this a hilariously gross episode about dealing with nature's less pleasant surprises.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I came eye to eye mere feet away from a ferocious furry squirrel. I'm the one who left the attic when I saw them and I didn't even turn around I backed slowly down the stairs never breaking eye contact.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “The flies they're everywhere they're huge they're winning they're taking over.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #squirrels #headquarters #wildlife #pests #flies #nature #comedy #panic

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: ladies and gentlemen boys and girls we have a serious problem here in headquarters and i don't even mean a serious problem i mean a super serious problem and i shouldn't even be talking quite as loud as i am because they might hear me it's been overrun there's something terrible happening in headquarters something i think something died in the attic up in the belfry i think some sort of varmint some sort of creature some sort of thing might have happened and by happened i mean something it's gross i don't want to talk about it i'm sorry that i'm telling you guys about it

    Unknown: you

    Natty Bumpercar: hi this is natty bumper car this is the bumper podcast it's dead it's not things aren't going well around here in headquarters today things aren't going well at all um the last few days as a matter of fact so here's the situation maybe you can help me on it maybe you know someone who can help me with it i don't know all i do know is that things are things are getting real real ugly real gross real crazy there's no smell i need you to know that it's not like i live in some sort of hovel headquarters is a very nice place headquarters is very well kept we we vacuum we clean we take care of headquarters but maybe just maybe some type of critter gained access to the attic we're gonna say that happened we know that happened because i can't eye to eye mere feet away from a ferocious furry squirrel yeah i mean it was two squirrels i saw them they saw me i'm just gonna say i'm the one who left the attic when i saw them and i didn't even turn around i backed slowly down the stairs never breaking eye contact until i could get my hand on the door and then i uh burst through the door and i did like a little dance like type of thing but then a couple of weeks later there was a squirrel in the backyard he wasn't doing so well he wasn't with us anymore and i had to he was removed we'll say and then a week after that the fly started and that there ladies and gentlemen bumper cop bumper cod pet i'm so broken up about this the flies they're everywhere they're huge they're winning they're taking over

  • Bumperpodcast 78 – Doodle-Poodle!

    Bumperpodcast 78 – Doodle-Poodle!

    Doodle Poodle is in the house because he received a membo telling him to come in and do a radio show … too bad that Robot comes in and spoils all of the fun.

    Will Doodle Poodle be sent to a farm for panting on the microphone?

    You will probably have to listen to the Bumperpodcast to find out!

    Don’t forget to email me your questions, musings and whatnot at bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Hooray!

     

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    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Robot confronts an unexpected intruder breathing on the microphone in the podcast lab. Doodle Poodle insists he received a memo inviting him to do a radio show, much to Robot's dismay. The situation escalates as Robot claims he's the only one qualified to send memos and suggests sending Doodle Poodle to a farm. Host Natty Bumpercar arrives to find both characters where they shouldn't be, attempting to restore order while Robot and Doodle Poodle continue their comedic bickering. The episode showcases the improvisational chaos and character conflicts that make Bumperpodcast entertaining.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You're breathing on the microphone. You're not even saying anything. How did you get in here? Do you have a key?”

    — Robot

    “I got a letter. Didn't it say? Hey, doodle-poo, do you want to come and do a radio? And I said, well, of course we do, because I love to talk to everybody.”

    — Doodle Poodle

    “Is there a farm? Is there a farm somewhere where we can put him?”

    — Robot

    Topics: #podcasting #workplaceconflict #memos #microphoneetiquette #chaos #miscommunication

    Featuring: Robot, Doodle Poodle, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Unknown: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what are you doing in here?

    Robot: You're not supposed to be in here. You're breathing on the microphone. You're not even saying anything. How did you get in here? Do you have a key? Do you? No. Do you have a key? I don't have. Do you get in here? No. I don't think you do. I don't think you do at all. I don't think you should be in here all day.

    Doodle Poodle: Listen here, robot. I don't know. I was told I got a memo. I got a, uh, voice man gave me a, I got a letter. No. Didn't it say? Hey, doodle-poo, do you want to come and do a radio? Do you want to come and talk on, do you want to do a show on this radio? And I said, well, of course we do, because I love to talk to everybody. Everybody loves when I talk to people.

    Robot: Sometimes.

    Doodle Poodle: No.

    Robot: No. Are you done? Are you quite finished? Because I'm the one who sends the letters around here. The memo. Because I think you must have called it. And I only send memos out to people who are qualified to talk on the microphone. Myself, for instance. Oftentimes, Maddie Bumpercar will let me.

    Natty Bumpercar: Hey, everybody. What? Oh, boy. Uh-oh, indeed. I see two people who were not supposed to be in the room. The lab. In the lab. In the lab room where we fix up and make up and break up and take up the bumper podcast. That's nice rhyme.

    Doodle Poodle: I thought I was supposed to. I don't. I don't want to. It doesn't matter. I got a memo. A memo? I don't know. I got it in my mailbox, and I thought I was supposed to come in and talk to everybody. And I got all excited. Calm down. And I wrote down words. Okay. And I made some doodles for everyone to see, too. Okay. No one can see.

    Robot: Oh, jeez. He's doing it again. He's doing it again. He's breathing on the microphone, and I told him not to breathe on the microphone. I don't think he should even be in headquarters. We should buy him. We should. I don't know. Is there a farm? Is there a farm somewhere where we can put him? No, there's not a farm. I don't think he should be. That's what I'm saying. What do you think? What do you think? I know.

    Doodle Poodle: I like farms. Nope. I kind of like farms. Kind of.

    Natty Bumpercar: Nobody's going to a farm. And, Robot, you have to stop fighting with everyone.