Tag: comedy

  • Bumperpodcast #190: Running and Food

    Bumperpodcast #190: Running and Food

    The guests have been booted away from the Bumperpodcast – and given satchels of food for their travels. Natty Bumpercar doesn’t like eating – or – running.

    Do you like to get to the bottom of things? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 190, Natty Bumpercar kicks the children out of headquarters after receiving feedback from listeners. Flying solo, Natty rambles about his complicated relationship with food, from his brief obsession with superfood smoothies to his current dilemma of eating making him feel sluggish. He muses about running marathons, the logistics of exercise, and the unfortunate fact that Bumpercar headquarters sits in a valley where every direction is uphill. The episode showcases Natty's signature stream-of-consciousness comedy as he flip-flops between liking and disliking food, accidentally creates a song about getting up to get down, and admits he'll never be a politician due to his wishy-washy stance on eating.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I gave each of them a knapsack with a pear and a pickle and some popcorn because my children only eat things that begin with the letter p.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You got to get up to get down, you got to get up to get down, you got to get up to get down you clown.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I'm so wishy-washy on these issues this is why I'll never be a politician because I flip-flop back and forth.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #food #eating #health #exercise #running #smoothies #parenting

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car it's the bumper podcast it's whatever day today is and hey look at this no children on this week's episode why natty bumper car oh well because we actually got mail email uh messages where the people were just like no no no no more of that that was not no we can't no no so we kicked the children out and not even just out of the studio out of out of the house out of headquarters they are wandering around i gave each of them a knapsack with a pear and a pickle and uh some popcorn because my children only eat things that begin with the letter p they eat persimmons they eat peanuts and of course they will occasionally eat you know uh plum that's another thing that they eat really there's a lot of foods that begin with the letter p and speaking of foods i feel like i'm at a point in my life right now where i don't i don't like food i don't like to eat it doesn't make me feel good it makes me feel sluggish and tired and not so good well maybe that's the kind of food you're eating natty maybe it is i don't know i was on a kick for a few months where i was making these smoothie things with like oh look i'm just gonna throw some kale in here and some carrots and some uh apples and some berries and some yogurt and some uh oatmeal like i'm just making spirulina bee pollen like all this stuff was going into my uh my smoothie thing and i am depressed to admit that i actually felt that way when i was doing this and i don't know why i've stopped all of a sudden um i think my brain was just like got sick of i think i started missing chewing or something like that where i was just like i remember chewing that was fun but then here's the thing i chew i go and i eat that kind of food and uh guess what i don't feel so good like i just want to take a nap i eat and then i want to take a nap that's not how you want to feel you want to eat and feel better and then go run a marathon or whatever it is people do do people do that can you eat and then run a marathon or is it like swimming where you can't run a marathon for like an hour after you eat because you'll get cramps i don't know i don't run marathons i barely run at all because running to me is just it just sounds like so much work like what i'm supposed to do i i gotta put i gotta find my shoes i don't gotta put them on i gotta find my shoes i gotta find some socks i you know i gotta some basically i gotta get dressed if i gotta tie my shoes probably gotta tie them properly there's probably a way that you have to tie your shoes that enables you to run more better i don't know and the thing is everywhere around headquarters is uphill we're in a gully we're in a gulch we're in a valley so if i'm gonna run anywhere it's gonna be running straight up no thanks thank you and you could think to yourself well the run back is gonna be easier you're just gonna you know you could just lay down and roll back to roll back to the headquarters and i'm like well yeah but i gotta get up before i can get down hold on a second did you hear what just happened because i did because you got to get up to get down you got to get up to get down you got to get up to get down you got to get up to get down you clown is not the song i don't know why i said clown at the end there i mean it rhymed sure but i think if you look at linearly at the whole conversation it doesn't make a ton of sense so what have we talked about today no children uh they do eat foods that came with the letter p which turned this into a weird sesame street episode all of a sudden uh i myself natty bumper guard do not like to eat you know i would i might go on a hunger strike i did just have some cereal though it was pretty delicious oh maybe i do like to eat i'm so wishy-washy on these issues this is why i'll never be a politician because i flip-flop back and forth so what is it bumper guard do you like to eat do you not like to eat why don't you tell me why don't you make a stand and i'm like i don't know i guess when i'm hungry i like to eat you know i do like to do i like to drink tea but that's not food it's not sustenance it's just caffeine really which is there anything better in the world than caffeine there is why won't you tell me what it is please

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  • Bumperpodcast #189: Hard to listen to

    Bumperpodcast #189: Hard to listen to

    Natty Bumpercar has some guests on this week’s show … Some guests that seem to be totally focused on breaking the Bumperpodcast.

    Do you break things? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic and hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar attempts to interview two very young guests, Oliver and Emerson (Emmy), with unpredictable results. The children struggle to follow podcast etiquette, touching equipment, making potty jokes, and punching each other while Natty tries desperately to keep the interview on track. Emmy sings "Happy Birthday" and the kids attempt to tell jokes about pigs, cows, and alligators with varying degrees of coherence. What was meant to be a sweet interview with kindergarten-aged guests becomes a comedic disaster as Natty learns that interviewing small children is perhaps the most difficult challenge the Bumperpodcast has ever faced. The episode ends with Natty declaring it "unlistenable" and "untenable" while bidding farewell to the chaotic tiny guests.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I was told that this was going to go well these kids have been trained… is this unlistenable bumper podcast it's it's undoable i'm gonna tell you that right now”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “That was the quietest story ever i don't know about your future in broadcasting buddy”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “We've had punching in the Buffer Podcast today… Emmy, no hit. Ollie, no hit. Ollie, seriously. You're a brute.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #children #interviews #kindergarten #chaos #jokes #singing #podcasting #birthday

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: whoa wow hi everybody it's me natty bumper car and i got some guests today in the bumper podcast you gotta stand up now you gotta talk into there hello hello he says oliver can you say hello yeah man where's the hearing the hearing is in your ears don't worry it just sounds the same way as what why because your ears are your hearing parts where you hear but hi hey did you just start something what'd you just start where'd you just start going what's this that's a wire and it was in a microphone but what i'm asking you a question what did you just start doing in the mornings where do you go every day where do you go don't touch that no touching go to kindergarten you go to kindergarten what do you do there oh no why would you say that oliver what do you do can you say hi hi good job ollie where's the speak the speak is in the uh so it goes into the microphone through the cord and into the computer can you see these little lines down here those lines if you watch them if i get louder they get bigger and if i get quieter they get smaller so if i was a mouse it would be like this and if i was a dragon it would be like this crazy huh tell me a story that's too quiet that was the quietest story ever i don't know about your future in broadcasting buddy tell me your favorite thing a big butt no no potty talk we don't work that way i don't what you bake i baked what what did i bake i did not hey we don't have any sponsors that's too much too loud what you just did there is it's called over modulating and we try to avoid that in the business because it makes people's ears hurt now i thought you were going to tell me about kindergarten do you go to kindergarten every day oliver can you sing me a song guys we're not supposed to touch any of this you guys are a very difficult interview emerson you used to be an easy all right all right so you're not going to tell them anything about anything you don't have to touch that remember so what you do is those are just some wires for the microphone ollie stop trying to grab everything dear a bumper podcast i was told that this was going to go well these kids have been trained don't touch any of that no no no that's just the uh software that's recording us right now is this unlistenable bumper podcast it's it's undoable i'm gonna tell you that right now is this untenable is it unremarkable i think so emmy sing me a song

    Unknown: i'm

    Natty Bumpercar: I need it to be louder. I can't even hear you.

    Unknown: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to Peter. Happy birthday to Peter.

    Natty Bumpercar: Is it Peter's birthday? I didn't know that.

    Unknown: My birthday. Happy birthday to you.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's not your birthday for a few weeks. Happy birthday, Ollie. Ollie. No punching, Ollie. That's right. We've had punching in the Buffer Podcast today.

    Unknown: Beep, beep, beep.

    Natty Bumpercar: Beep, beep, beep. Emmy, no hit. Ollie, no hit. Ollie, seriously. You're a brute.

    Unknown: Why did you… Oh, tell a joke. What did the pig say? Dang. What did the pig say?

    Natty Bumpercar: Emmy, no potty talk.

    Unknown: What did the pig say with a cow? The pig jumped over the cow like a deer.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, Emerson, Oliver said moo. Is that not correct? Okay. Well, I'm Daddy Bumper Car. These are the tiny Bum Pops.

    Unknown: Yeah, because Daddy told me… He told me a joke about an alligator. What did the alligator say with a mouse? Cuckoo. The alligator…

    Natty Bumpercar: What did the alligator say? Don't stare at the lines. I know it could be mesmerizing, but you want to keep talking. You want to keep going.

    Unknown: I have to do it all over.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. What if we do this?

    Unknown: Knock, knock. Who's there?

    Natty Bumpercar: Cuckoo.

    Unknown: Cuckoo. Hi. Alligator. What?

    Natty Bumpercar: Ha, ha. Is that funny? I don't know if that was…

    Unknown: It's funny.

    Natty Bumpercar: Not even a little bit. Bumper Podcast. Run while you can. Yeah. Bye.

    Unknown: Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

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  • Bumperpodcast #188: Vacation is hard

    Bumperpodcast #188: Vacation is hard

    Natty Bumpercar talks about his vacation and the new friend that he met while on vacation.

    Do you vacation? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar shares a hilarious tale from his recent family beach vacation. What should have been a relaxing getaway turns into comedy gold when a giant bat invades their tiny cabin in the middle of the night. Natty recounts the chaos of dealing with disrupted children's sleep schedules, missing toys, and pillows, only to have everything escalate when his mother-in-law discovers the unwelcome flying visitor. Listen as he describes the madcap attempts to remove the bat using beach towels, the creature's terrifying sonar-guided flights directly at people's heads, and the horrifying moment when the bat disappears into the walls. This energetic episode perfectly captures the exhausting reality of family vacations.

    Memorable Quotes

    “We need to invent some sort of bat muffler like a little jacket or a vest that bats can wear so they don't sound so disgustingly horribly grossy yuck when they're flying around.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “It was a giant giant bat like take your children away type of bat and when I opened the door he flew at the door because his little sonar was just like oh there's food over there.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “The bat is in the walls now people the bat is in the walls so everybody now baby wife me kid all in the same tiny room not enough room to move not enough room to breathe. Vacations are stressful.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #vacation #family #beach #bats #parenting #comedystorytelling #travelmishaps

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well this is a hoot nanny is what this is hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and this is the bumper podcast oh i actually i recorded 27 seconds a few seconds minutes ago and i listened to it and i was so low energy and i was so depressed and like i was just like i can't even put this out on the internets i don't want these people to have to listen to this garbage garbage no what i want them to listen to is happy bumper car right yes of course my goodness bumper car you're running the bumper podcast the best ship in the seas of all podcasts you should be happy so let me do this i will tell you that last week i went on vacation with the family we went to the beach and um it was it was it was nice if you've ever vacationed with children you know how exhausting it is because everything is disrupted where am i sleeping what am i eating what am i doing why can't i watch my shows you know like what i don't know where my sis toy is well that toy is back at home i want to go back home why would you we're at the beach you should stay here at the beach and play it's much more fun i want my pillow do you have this pillow now for you know it's like it's fun and then so you add on to the uh madcap bedlam uh of the kitties and their broken sleep patterns and and whatnot and uh and we throw in there into the mix ladies and gentlemen the monkey wrench that was a bat a bat a bat in our cabin in our tiny teeny little cabin that had one two three four five six people in it uh it's eight square feet i don't really know how square feet work but i know it's tiny and um one night middle of the night uh there's uh someone's in my room and it was my mother-in-law and she said there's a bat there's a bat in here and i was like what where's her bat i don't see a bat she's like it's out there in the living room kitchen area oh and then you hear now i can hear him flying around flapping his wings and it was terrifying bat sounds terrible when they're flying like they're i they're we need to invent some sort of bat muffler like a uh maybe some felt or something like a little jacket or a little uh a vest that bats can wear so they don't sound so disgustingly horribly grossy yuck when they're flying around because when they're flying it's just like i don't want to hear that so i open the door to assess the situation you know it's just like in my head is this like a little bat or what no it was a giant giant bat like take your children away type of bat and he when i opened the door he flew at the door because i guess his little sonar was just like oh there's food over there i'm gonna go and eat i know so i slammed the door the bat went some other place so then i had to crawl to the window to all the doors and say don't leave your door there's a bat in there he's on you to go in there because there's a bat he's flying around you'll even be right and uh open the back door open the screen doors to the bat you know oh maybe he's gonna do what he did to me and just fly right out this door no he keeps flying father-in-law has a a towel a beach towel big beach towel that's just flopping in the air hits the bat bat falls on the ground does not fly he's flying around able to uh put the towel on top of the bat to get him out so the bat gets back up he's flying around some more circles right at your head like i was i was it was very comical it was very like i'm in a movie and this is what people look like in movies when they're trying to get away from a bat it was me uh trying not to yell out any horrible words uh because the bat and then the bat disappears into the wall there's a heating vent no one believes me that i see the bat going to the heating vent they're all like no he escaped you didn't see him i saw him we leave a towel on top of the heating vent a few days later wife screams in the middle of the night wife screams i run into the room scratch scratch scratch scratch the bat is in the walls now people the bat is in the walls so everybody now baby wife me kid all the same tiny room not enough room to move not enough room to breathe vacations are stressful

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  • Bumperpodcast #187: The balance

    Bumperpodcast #187: The balance

    Natty Bumpercar has a box next to him that is making a lot of noise – but – mostly, he talks about the balance of organization and creativity in his life.

    How is your life? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In episode 187 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar records from a noisy basement with a dehumidifier running, embracing the chaotic audio quality rather than doing test recordings. He explains his recent absence from podcasting, detailing the challenges of moving headquarters and dealing with the disorganization that followed. Natty shares his struggle to balance getting his life organized with his creative need to make content, comparing the process to spinning expensive plates overhead. He reflects on how he goes "crazy" and "verklempt" when he doesn't create regularly, and discusses the delicate equilibrium between life organization and his threshold for creative pain. The episode showcases Natty's signature rambling, improvisational style as he contemplates emotions, friendship, and the word "please."

    Memorable Quotes

    “A lot of podcasters would do something for you like run a test listen back see how it looks but where's the adventure in that where's the fun.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “When I don't make things I go crazy I go bananas I get verklempt I get I start spitzing these are all words that I learned on the subway.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “It's all a bunch of plates that are spinning over my head and plates are expensive and they break when they fall.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #podcasting #creativity #moving #organization #work-lifebalance #improvisation #basementrecording

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car how are you doing today i am in the basement and the uh there's a thing what is it the there's a dehumidifier yeah i was gonna say there's a box that makes noise that's next to me can you hear it it sounds like i'm in a wind tunnel at least to me i don't know how it's coming through in the audio feed a lot of podcasters would do something for you like i don't know run a test listen back see how it looks but where's the adventure in that where's the fun i'd rather make something go back listen to it after i've posted it and be annoyed that it doesn't sound the way i want it to we throw it to the wind and by it i mean adventure we throw adventure to the wind no we throw ourselves into the wind and let it the wind take us to the adventure that the wind will take us to wind adventure this month on windy channel you guys are gonna watch probably right i think you should it sounds like it's gonna be a great show especially if you love wind and adventure um so anyway there's a dehumidifier down here clearly something i need to figure out yet another hurdle that's coming in between you the bumper podcast kateers and me natty bumper car and this boat that we're living on right now the bumper podcast so people were asking me like people were annoyed they were like oh yeah we're glad you're back but you know why do you all you like every so often you just disappear and like this time it's like well i moved we moved headquarters and it was a big move and it was like it really just i don't deal with discombobulation and i don't deal with tumult very well like i need to uh i need to reorganize and reconfigure and and get stuff back together and to be honest like we're not back together there's the the i can't even my desk is in front of me my computer's on my lap uh the microphone is being held up by what is that like a coat hanger like it's we're not together yet we're trying to get together but we're not together um and but so what happened was basically like i was trying to get everything together as quick as i could and was failing miserably and um then finally there's like different levels like on the left hand side we'll say is the level to get everything ready so that i can then start making stuff again on the right hand side is my threshold for pain when i haven't made stuff that just grows and grows so when i don't make things i go crazy i go bananas i get verklempt i get i start spitzing these are all words that i learned on the subway and um so there's like i try to keep a balance between all right where is my life organization wise where's my life pain threshold haven't made stuff wise and i try to keep those as level as possible because i mean like if i start making too much stuff oh look all of a sudden life's getting better and better and better and better and better and better and better and better less less organized so it's all a balance it's all a bunch of plates that are spinning over my head and plates are expensive and they break when they fall and then when the plates fall you have to put them back together which just shoots the organization column all the way up to the sky and you know what happens then well i'm not making stuff that's what happens you know i hope that make sense to you it made sense to me a lot of things make sense to me though that don't make sense to a lot of other people for instance when i say there's a box next to me oh all right box how's it going i um want to know more about you though that look in your eyes tells me that tells me there's something there is it happiness is it sadness is it excitement is it sorrow is it sadness is it happiness is it sadness is it happiness is it sadness is it sadness is it is it please is it please that's not an emotion is it i don't know i'm gonna see how please i can act today please please listen to me please be my friend please oh please oh please does that work like if i walk around and today and i'm just like please listen to the nanny bumper car bumper podcast

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  • Bumperpodcast #186: There are no rails.

    Bumperpodcast #186: There are no rails.

    Natty Bumpercar talks about roller coasters, life, kittens, clouds in the sky, ice cream, apologies, and about a hundred other non-related things …

    If you are never on the track, is it possible for the train to go off the rails!? Let us know if you missed us by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    Peep! Peep!

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 186, host Natty Bumpercar takes listeners on a stream-of-consciousness journey through his surprisingly good mood and the anxiety that comes with feeling happy. Natty uses a roller coaster metaphor to explore his emotions, worrying that what goes up must come down. The episode meanders through topics including kittens with needle-like claws, funny accents he's collected from strangers, and a sweet moment cloud-watching with Baby Bumpercar. True to form, Natty reflects on how many times he's apologized across 186 episodes and whether he can just issue one blanket apology instead. It's a charmingly scattered episode showcasing Natty's trademark improvisational humor and self-aware rambling.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I was having a really good day I was pretty happy right when the show started and now that I'm talking about it I'm realizing that maybe there's terrible things on the horizon. God, and now wait here's what I just did to myself is wow who's being really manic today this guy.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I wonder how many times in this show I've apologized. There's like 186 episodes now and I wonder out of those 186 episodes how many times in those I have apologized.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “It was one of those days where there were clouds everywhere and he was like 'where the shapes' and I was like I've got a decent imagination but I couldn't there was just nothing to work with.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #anxiety #happiness #kittens #accents #parenting #rollercoasters #cloudwatching #self-reflection

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: what's going on bumper podcast how you doing it's me natty bumper car and i gotta say i don't know what's going on maybe something in the air maybe it's something in the water maybe it's something in my food but i'm feeling pretty fantastic these days and the scary part of that is like now i've ridden the mine cart all the way to the top of the hill and i can see the whole world and i can see the sun is shining and i can see the birds are chirping and where do i have to go from here i hope it's not down but the thing is with a roller coaster is it really doesn't go you know just laterally or laterally straight for very long like you don't go click click click click click click click click click click click up the hill and then all of a sudden it's just sit at the top of the hill like that's not how it works you go up the hill then down the hill and maybe go around the corner then you do a loopy loop and then maybe go up a hill again and then you're done um so now i just made myself nervous huh i was having a really good day i was pretty happy right when the show started and now that i'm talking about a little bit and i'm realizing that maybe there's terrible things on the horizon god and now wait here's what i just did to myself is um wow who's being really manic today this guy uh so just by saying oh maybe something bad is gonna happen have i then invited something bad into to happen i hope not i i think i'd rather talk about kittens do you guys have any kittens i used to have kittens kittens are fun and adorable and cute and cuddly and their little claws are just like little needles they climb up your pants like when kittens are fun and adorable and cute and cuddly and their little they're first born and they can't even really walk i'm having some real uh uh dry throat thing happening i don't know if you heard that when i'm gulping uh to talk to talk uh i was at a show the other night and i guess this is non-tangental as if they ever aren't uh and uh this woman i was at a show and for some reason i got into the subject of uh dogs and cats and i said are you a dog person or a cat person and the one was like dog and said it in the most like i have an accent that you can't even believe dog and i was so thrilled by that because i love it when i hear people with like crazy thick accents because then i can put i try to remember what they are and i put them in my brain so that i can use them but the fun thing is is like if you're talking and you like want to put on an accent or whatever to talk to people you know i'm going to put on a funny voice to talk to you all right uh you know if i wanted to speak in a different manner such as this for instance um then i guess i could um but i like to go for the really extreme ones and then people are like oh people don't talk like that and it's just like no i really met a person and they talk crazy town like this and they're like all right all right all right um i don't feel like we've really talked about much today i feel like we've talked about well let me rephrase that a lot of things that didn't really make sense or relate to each other and i apologize i wonder how many times in this show i've apologized there's like 186 episodes now and i wonder out of those 186 episodes how many times in those i have apologized where i'm just like oh i'm sorry the mic wasn't working i'm sorry music didn't work or i'm sorry it's been four months since my last episode or whatever like um can i just do a general apology and then we'll go back and scrub all those other ones out god that just sounds like so much work i can barely manage to put up a new episode and all of a sudden i'm talking about scrubbing old episodes it's not going to happen bumper podcast cateers it just isn't how's your summer how's your kitten i mean i'm just asking these are questions that people ask people is it cloudy there the other day i was in the back porch with baby bumper car and we were looking up in the sky and we were looking at the clouds and we were trying to find different shapes but it was one of those days where there were clouds everywhere and he was like that where the shapes and i was like i and like i've got a decent imagination but i couldn't there was just nothing to work with and i was just like i i don't know that maybe looks like an ice cream cone and he was like what where ice cream man and i was like no ice cream cone in the sky and he's like i want

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