Tag: comedy

  • Bumperpodcast #196: More Halloween styles

    Bumperpodcast #196: More Halloween styles

    Natty Bumpercar talks Halloween – Halloween – Halloween! Costumes, being a tracker, webs, candy, pumpkins, jack-o-lanterns … And, resumes!

    Do you Halloween? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this Halloween-themed episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a costume crisis just two days before Halloween. The costumes he ordered online for his family—including a blue monster with googly eyes and a bunny rabbit inspired by Richard Scarry's Nicholas—are stuck in transit. Natty humorously discusses his failed attempts at tracking the shipment and jokes about his qualifications as a post-apocalyptic tracker. He also shares the chaos of decorating Bumperpodcast headquarters with spiderwebs, his struggle to find time for pumpkin carving in a busy parent schedule, and his desperate need to roast pumpkin seeds before the season ends.

    Memorable Quotes

    “If the apocalypse ever comes and your group needs a tracker boom bumper car is your man. I will well I mean I'm not doing such a good job at it.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I've tied knives to the dog and I've pointed him towards the pumpkins so I suppose that when we get home we'll see what he's done.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Pumpkin seeds are delicious they're all salt they're just little containers for me to eat salt.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #halloween #costumes #parenting #pumpkincarving #holidays #onlineshopping #timemanagement

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes what's going on everybody it's me natty bumper car and it's the bumper podcast and it's one of the best days of the year why because we're so close to halloween yeah oh boy oh boy oh boy that was real excitement but the thing is i don't have a costume uh the baby bumper car's costume is still in transit so we're two days away now and no one has a costume we're supposed to wander all around town in what nothing we don't have anything this is a real situation that we have i i i live in the future you all know that and so i went online and i i ordered the uh the the costumes we picked stuff out everyone was signed off on it yes i want to be a blue monster with googly eyes and i forget what the rest of the costume is and a beard is what one of them is going to be and the other one's going to be a bunny rabbit because okay richard scary uh what's his name nicholas the bunny those are fine costumes when they get to your house but now they're not here they're in transit i don't know where transit is and i i get numbers tracking numbers and i'm trying like a tracker i'm like a hunter gatherer who has gone out into the wild and is tracking the costumes so if if the world ever ends if the apocalypse ever comes and your group needs a tracker boom bumper car is your man i i will well i mean i'm not doing such a good job at it i want to i don't know if that should be part of my uh resume or part of the interview process i think just the fact that i have the title of tracker is probably good enough i i think that you know that maybe i don't do such a good job maybe you know if you ask me i'm gonna say yeah of course i know how to track and i would rather you not talk to uh any of the people that i'm gonna give you their names for any uh of of my uh or whatever those people are called when you have uh your what are those people called i've been those people before you know hey can you vouch for me vouchers it's not a voucher it's a uh resume people man all right well you know what we're gonna forget that because i have no idea what i'm trying to say anyway tracker bumper car that's me if you need something found i'm your man what are you guys gonna do for halloween what are you gonna be anything are you gonna you're gonna wear costumes are you gonna you're gonna go out and get some candy is your house all decorated we uh we decorated headquarters like pretty well like i got a lot of those webs and i put them on bushes and i put them on the house and i made like you actually have to walk under the webs to get into the house which uh people are not happy with anyone who comes to the house is just like dude why are all the webs everywhere i'm like well it's halloween time this is halloween everybody make a scream halloween halloween halloween time we got three pumpkins that we have not carved yet because who has time to carve pumpkins no one you get up you drop people off at school you go to work you go pick people up from school you can get home you've got homework you've got dinner you've got bath time you've got to read some books sing some songs and then everybody's asleep there's no pumpkin time and then did you hear even a gap a minute a minute um no you did not hear a minute because there's none ah so what i've done is i've i've tied knives i've tied knives to the dog and i've pointed him towards the pumpkins so i suppose that when we get home we'll see what he's done hopefully it's got a scary spooky face and a jack-o'-lantern smile or frown or whatever they have no i don't know i don't know maybe we're just gonna have pumpkins this year maybe we'll paint them i could paint a lot faster than i can cut but if i do that you know what i'm not gonna get pumpkin seeds and i need pumpkin seeds this for the rest the entire year i don't have pumpkin seeds and this is the season of year where i get my my pumpkin seed quota gets filled right now we're in the red i would like to get to the black with pumpkin seeds because they're delicious they're all salt they're just little containers for me to eat so let's do this halloween now

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  • Bumperpodcast #195: Halloween guest

    Bumperpodcast #195: Halloween guest

    Natty Bumpercar has a pal hang out on the Bumperpodcast who tells him all about his Halloween costume – and about some junk that he saw on tv that he wants … That’s right … Tiny Bumpercar is back – and – awesome!

    Do you fail? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In this adorable episode of the Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar interviews an enthusiastic young guest who can't contain their excitement. The conversation bounces from dinosaurs (including the feathered Xenosaurus and the scary T-Rex) to confusing toy commercials featuring a punching Spider-Man toy and a mysterious wrecking ball contraption. Natty attempts to understand the logic behind toys that punch the air and toys that require extensive setup only to knock everything down. The episode wraps up with Halloween costume plans involving Caillou-inspired monster accessories, capturing the delightful chaos of trying to have a coherent conversation with an excitable child.

    Memorable Quotes

    “That's like if I walked around all the time, all during the day, and I was just like… People are going to think I'm crazy, right?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “It doesn't punch anything. It's only a toy, because it doesn't punch anybody. It's not walking. It only stays on the ground.”

    — Young Guest

    “So wait, we have to sit there and build all the towers and then this toy just says up and spins around and knocks all the… That seems like a lot of work for me.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #dinosaurs #toys #spider-man #halloween #children #commercials #interview

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Unknown: Oh, what's up, Buffer Podcast?

    Natty Bumpercar: It's me, Andy Buffer. And I've got a little screaming person here.

    Unknown: Yay!

    Natty Bumpercar: Hey, screaming person, what were you talking about just a second ago? What's your favorite book that we just found? Dinosaurs! Yeah, it's a dinosaur book, and that's pretty cool, right? Dinosaurs? What's your favorite dinosaur? Oh, Xenosaurus! There's a Xenosaurus? He's got feathers on his arms, right? What's the scariest dinosaur, do you think?

    Unknown: T-Rex!

    Natty Bumpercar: You don't have to yell it. Do you hear me? I'm not yelling. I mean, I'm just talking right to the microphone. Hey. We were watching television a second ago, too, and you saw something. And what was it that you wanted? Do you remember? Because when the commercial was on, you acted like it was the most important thing in the world. Spider-Man punching? Spider-Man punching? Spider-Man punching? Spider-Man punching? Spider-Man doesn't punch.

    Unknown: He's a toy!

    Natty Bumpercar: What do you mean he's a toy? Why would he punch?

    Unknown: No, he's just a toy.

    Natty Bumpercar: But it doesn't sound very nice, is what I was… Why would a toy punch? It sounds like a mean toy?

    Unknown: No, it's only a toy, because it doesn't punch anybody. It's not walking. It only stays on the ground. It doesn't walk. It can talk, and then it can do this.

    Natty Bumpercar: So that was punching. So if I walk up to this toy, it's going to talk to me? And then it's going to punch me?

    Unknown: No. No, it's a toy!

    Natty Bumpercar: Well… Okay, so it's a toy that walks around, it talks to people, and then makes punching motions. Now, does it beat up other toys?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: No? Who does it punch, then? It can't just random punch.

    Unknown: It doesn't punch anything.

    Natty Bumpercar: Anything or anybody? No. No. Well, that seems kind of silly. That's like if I walked around all the time, all during the day, and I was just like… People are going to think I'm crazy, right?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yes, they are.

    Unknown: Why?

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, because if I'm just punching the air for no reason, especially if I'm walking around… But can you do it? Do what? Scream! No, don't scream. Screaming hurts the people's ears.

    Unknown: Okay, okay, okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, there was another toy that you saw right before that, that you said you absolutely have to have. Which toy was that?

    Unknown: Smashing the blocks down. With the big boat over there. It has a big ball, little big ball. It can punch.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait, this punches too? No, it… What are all these toys punching for?

    Unknown: Um, it's a rolling thing and an open mouth and then it can spin.

    Natty Bumpercar: It spins? So, but is there punching involved with the spinning?

    Unknown: No, um…

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you seem to love punching.

    Unknown: It's a key and then a little big thing, like the buoy. It's a leg. It's like a buoy.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's like a buoy, okay, yeah.

    Unknown: It's like a round ball, but it gets all the blocks down like this.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, so it's like a wrecking ball. That's what that's called. And so you have like little blocks and buildings and then it knocks them down.

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: So it doesn't punch anything at all.

    Unknown: But it's black. Um, it's not really black because it has holes.

    Natty Bumpercar: The blocks have holes in them?

    Unknown: Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: And you said it has a mouth. Does the mouth open?

    Unknown: Yeah. What does it say? It says, and then it spins around and then knocks all the towers.

    Natty Bumpercar: So wait, so who has to set all those towers up?

    Unknown: Us!

    Natty Bumpercar: So wait, we have to sit there and build all the towers and then this toy just says up and spins around and knocks all the… That seems like a lot of work for me.

    Unknown: No, it has 15.

    Natty Bumpercar: It has 15? 15? All right. Well, I mean, I guess if it has 15, then that makes a lot of sense. Is it a little bit better? Maybe? No. I don't know. What's your favorite? If you had to guess what was your favorite toy, what would it be?

    Unknown: Smashing.

    Natty Bumpercar: Smashing. What toy is smashing? The car that you don't have?

    Unknown: Um, a big thing.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're so quiet. You got to be a little bit louder. You don't have to yell.

    Unknown: Um, it has to be bigger and it has little round squares. And then when it… It has to talk when it spins and then it opens its mouth and then it spins around the block and then it gets the tower down.

    Natty Bumpercar: Real quick, last question. What do you want to be for Halloween?

    Unknown: Um… Like Caillou. Like the fur and the monster head and the silly glasses.

    Natty Bumpercar: That sounds phenomenal. Sounds like we're going to have a crazy weekend. We're going to have a crazy Halloween here at Bumper Podcast Headquarters. Hope you do too! Pfft! Pfft!

    Unknown: Pfft! Pfft! Pfft!

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  • Bumperpodcast #194: The comedy of failure

    Bumperpodcast #194: The comedy of failure

    Natty Bumpercar talks about a night of comedy – and the value of failing … And then, Doodle Poodle stops in for a half a moment on this week’s Bumperpodcast!

    Do you fail? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In episode 194 of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar apologizes for his delayed posting schedule before diving into his experiences performing stand-up comedy at a challenging bar venue. He reflects on the art of crowd work, discussing how he had to wander table-to-table to engage an increasingly loud audience. Natty shares his philosophy about open mics and failing fearlessly, emphasizing the importance of trying new material without worrying about audience approval. Doodle Poodle makes a brief, uninvited appearance asking about bringing characters back to the show, prompting Natty to promise that friends (not just "characters") will return to future episodes.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I gotta think about the people, I gotta think about you and you're the people and I gotta think about you and that's what I'm doing right now, thinking about you.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “It's not all diamonds in this gold mine of jokes, all right, so it was fun, it was good fun.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Friends are more fun is what I say.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #comedy #stand-up #openmics #crowdwork #performing #friendship #podcastschedule

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well well well what do you know when you look up and uh you think it's one day and then it's a different day and then you realize that the day that you thought it was which it's not because you got confused was the day that you're supposed to put your podcast up the bumper podcast why didn't anybody tell me why didn't anyone come knock on my door or give me a phone call or a text or a tweet or anything you guys were probably really worried right i'm so sorry that i did that to you wow how inconsiderate of me i gotta think about the people i gotta think about you and you're the people and i gotta think about you and that's what i'm doing right now thinking about you how you doing i'm doing well thank you so much thanks for asking that's very sweet i uh i did a show last night at a bar and it's a weird room where i no one's listening to you you it's as you start speaking uh the room gets louder which is you know that's fine and so what you're kind of forced to do is almost wander around table to table with your microphone and uh you know hey i'm gonna entertain this table now table number two what are those chicken fingers i didn't little chicken side finger you know that kind of garbage and um what to see if anything like would gravitate word wise towards other things thoughts and everything so just to see if there was any kind of pattern that could be picked up i was it was really just playing with with with the words and hearing them through the microphone i've said that like six times and but there was a look of confusion and i think it's interesting at open mics and stuff uh where you know like this is all comedy stuff okay that's fine uh no but sometimes people feel like you know they got they go into a room and you want to i want to do good i want to i want you guys to love me i want you guys but i think that at a point that becomes counter uh productive because once you know what your jokes sound like and you know how they go together and you've said them 150 000 times or whatever and you go to a room and you know it's not bad to fail i know i fail all the time so i i think it's it's you have to what you do is you go out you try stuff if it works it works if it doesn't work great and then you take from that experience uh the knowledge that okay this stuff doesn't quite work this stuff does and you you know a lot of times what people do will be like hey these aren't all gold here people or whatever they say or sometimes they'll be like you know uh all right this one's no sorry about that and then they say it's not all diamonds in this it's gold mine of they're not all diamonds in this gold mine of jokes all right so it was fun it was good fun uh it used to be that you would have shows like that and you'd be like what am i doing with my life why am i driving to these places and doing these shows and what's the point of them and why i'm just i want to sit at home on the couch and eat ice cream or whatever people do but no man you're on a mic or you have the privilege of talking at a bar random bar to random people and saying things that's amazing right holy cano holy cannoli get away doodle poodle no i'm serious you're not supposed to be on the podcast today but i thought you were gonna start

    Doodle Poodle: uh bringing characters back on the show and stuff and i now we're gonna talk about tomorrow

    Natty Bumpercar: no we're not gonna talk about drawing and yes we are gonna bring people back on the show

    Doodle Poodle: eventually oh okay today no not today what about today no i just said not today oh okay so it's gonna be uh today dude go go outside okay no just go outside right now

    Natty Bumpercar: all right that was doodle poodle yeah so we are gonna bring characters back because not characters we're gonna be our friends back let's be honest i think when you say characters it's a little bit demeaning because it's just me all the time and that's great and fun and everything but it's not as much fun as when you know because friends are more fun is what i say

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  • Bumperpodcast #193: Knowledge, Science, Smarts

    Bumperpodcast #193: Knowledge, Science, Smarts

    Natty Bumpercar proves that he may be the smartest scientist in the entire planet – maybe even on the whole world with this weeks thesis riddled Bumperpodcast!

    Do you science? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    About This Episode

    In episode 193 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar delivers an energetic and hilarious monologue about the mysteries of autumn leaves. After enjoying baby muffins for breakfast, Natty spirals into wild theories about why leaves fall from trees, including dinosaurs and earthquakes, and disappointingly confirms that brown leaves are not made of chocolate. The episode takes comedic turns as Natty reflects on their overeager classroom habits of shouting out answers before questions were even asked. This quintessential Bumperpodcast episode combines observational humor about nature with Natty's signature stream-of-consciousness comedy style.

    Memorable Quotes

    “The brown ones okay i know for a fact are not chocolate you would think you're like oh look brown leaves those are clearly made of chocolate they're not made of chocolate people”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I had baby muffins for breakfast baby muffins are the best kind of muffins in the whole wide world because they're not they're not jaded yet”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I would just sit in class and yell out answers uh there were no questions being asked uh we were supposed to be reading and maybe coloring”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #autumn #leaves #science #breakfast #education #nature #comedy

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: what's going on with the leaves what's going on with the trees what's going on with the world everywhere i look there's just leaves all over the ground it's like they all fell off the trees all at the same time was there a big earthquake was there a dinosaur was there some sort of monster that came through the world and the planet and knocked all the leaves off why and why did when they fell off did they decided they just go turn red and orange is that leaf blood because if it is that's kind of gross because that means that it was just walking all around leaf blood and then the brown ones okay i know for a fact are not chocolate you would think you're like oh look brown leaves those are clearly made of chocolate they're not made of chocolate people come on this is one thing you're going to get from the bumper podcast today it's going to be science it's going to be stuff that you're going to take home and you're going to think about a little bit you're going to be like you know what that bumper car he knows what he's talking about that bumper car he makes sense he seems pretty amped today he seems pretty excited today what was what did what did he have for breakfast not obviously not chocolate leaves because now we know they don't exist and you know what that's a little too personal don't ask me what i had for breakfast because i don't i don't remember no wait a minute i'll tell you i had baby muffins for breakfast baby muffins are the best kind of muffins in the whole wide world because they're not they're not jaded yet is that's the theme song that i'm working on for them but they're tiny muffins tiny blueberry muffins that i actually cut the tops off of i had three of them cut the tops off of put a little bit of butter on uh the base and then on the top and put them in the toaster oven and but i didn't toast them too much because i didn't want crunchy uh baby muffins i just wanted that butter to melt on in and then i ate them and guess who's having the best day uh ever right now me what i didn't give you a time to guess all right i'm not good at games that's why i don't host game shows guys that's why there's no family game night here at headquarters with the bumper cars because i'm just i get excited and if i know the answer to something i don't even raise my hand i just scream it out used to get in trouble in school all the time for that just i would be like two is two two then and the number the answer is two everyone knows everyone knows that right two it's two what the answer is piscataway what but i i thought we were all in agreement that it was two but no we're not we're not no no one no one agreed at any point in time to jump on the band the bumper car bandwagon of question answering because a lot of times what i would do i would actually answer the question before the teacher had even gotten around to asking it okay let me just paint a picture for you really what i would do is i would just sit in class and yell out answers uh there were no questions being asked uh we were supposed to be reading and maybe coloring i don't know here's the thing though i got sick of chewing on my crayons and eating glue off my hand and and i decided that i needed to educate the people the masses of my in my classes and i did that i gave them all of the answers some of them they couldn't even handle some answers they weren't even ready for but i gave them to them so that so because i i had a feeling in my gut that that they needed to know what i what i had to tell them so really here's the thing i think if there's a theme to today's bumper podcast uh it's science obviously learning knowledge um we found out a little bit about leaves i still don't know why they're all on the ground no one confirmed with me the dinosaur theory that i was bandying about um all the dishes are still on the wall here so i'm guessing it was not an earthquake but uh they are definitely falling off the trees for some reason um if i go back through my data my uh my my that's what we call information here science in science land uh i i think i might find some interesting things about a timeline that maybe this this isn't the first time this happened maybe the leaves have fallen off the trees before you know and what that does is that gets us closer to an answer two see it's two it's not two it's never it's never two um it's not going to be two whatever the question that someone's going to ask you it's uh unlikely that the answer is going to be two because really it's just like zero one two you're not those are too easy for answers it's going to be like seven tween or ten till ten till ten till seven i don't know i don't know anything

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  • Bumperpodcast #192: Small doors and mystery

    Natty Bumpercar is freaked out by small doors – and – is trapped in a conversation with someone who has no love for mystery …

    Do you mystery? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

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