Tag: comedy

Bumperpodcast #287 – Friends

Natty talks through a series of strings and tangents about best friends, social structures, talking to people, being nice, trying, and riding a bike on this weeks Bumperpodcast.

Do you like strings? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In Bumperpodcast episode 287, Natty Bumpercar explores the complexities of friendship and communication in this heartfelt solo episode. Natty reflects on the meaning of best friendship with listeners, shares observations about his kid navigating the social dynamics of 'best friend' labels at school, and discusses the importance of treating everyone equally regardless of their position. The episode touches on workplace communication, the value of bringing diverse perspectives together, and the challenges of modern social interactions. Natty wraps up with a sweet story about teaching his son Ollie to ride a bicycle, emphasizing the importance of moving forward both literally and metaphorically.

Memorable Quotes

“More friends is better more friends is more gooder that's what i always say”

— Natty Bumpercar

“If you're looking at a house and you can't get in and you're staring at the front all the windows are locked, you might not realize that the back door is open and you can just walk right in and that's where the party is”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I want the whole world to pedal forward pedal forward”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #friendship #parenting #communication #schoolsocialdynamics #workplaceculture #childhooddevelopment #bicycles

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast it's me natty but it's your best friend i don't even have to say my name you know it is you're my i mean you're my best friend so you're i'm your best you know what we are best friends together and that's and hooray for that hooray for having best friends uh i can rely on you i can count on you you're gonna pick me up when i'm down vice versa if i got a couch that needs to be moved then you're you're gonna you probably come help me move it you know and and i'm gonna what what's that you need help building that fence i'm coming over to help you build that fence let's barbecue together let's you know what sure we'll go to brunch of course i love brunch just not i mean because it's not too early here's the problem with brunch though is the kids are already gonna have been up for like six hours at that point so it's really lunch for us i mean it's breakfast i know but we're not rolling out of bed at 10 and meeting you at the restaurant we've we've already been out of bed for a long time but you know what that's fine we're still best friends me and you uh i love having best friend uh it's fun it's good fun my uh my kid is going through this thing at school where it's uh everyone's labeling each other as best friends oh hey that guy's your best friend i don't want to be and then they get sad because if one person is one person's best friend then obviously they can't be best friends with the other person and so it becomes this like uh um not animal farm but that book uh lord of the flies it's not really like that but it where it's just like you know oh you're best friends with that dude and he's like i thought we were best friends and he's like no i'm now best friends with that dude and so there's a lot of weird social things that are going on and i'm like oh my god i'm not at school which is great because you know as if we don't have enough going on in life now we're dealing with weird social stigmas and social norms and social structures ah and uh the other thing too is it's a fun moving target so you know like on one day you're this person's best friend by the end of the day you might have switched best friends two or three times so and i don't know literally they're standing in line and they're just like blink funny and they're like now i'm her best friend or what um i don't know but i know it causes stress because he's like i thought you know that we were best friends and now i'm best friends with and it's just like bro relax it's okay and we're gonna try to tell him like listen if uh somebody's you know not not just the best stuff but if somebody's not being nice to you one day there's a lot of other people in your class that you like that you're friends with go play with those other people it's fun it's good if you know like spread yourself out hit a lot of bases make sure you're friends with as many people as you can be friends with because more friends is better more friends is more gooder that's what i always say uh but even with that being said we're good right you and me bumper podcast we're still besties right bffs best friends for life forever forever right i had somebody once uh i forget what it was it was a situation i didn't want to be in and uh it was uh i was introduced to some people who i really had not much interest in meeting and uh one of them kind of cornered me and he goes we've been waiting to meet you for a long time now that we got you you ain't never getting away from us again like that and in my head it was like all sorts of warning lights and sirens going off and i was just like oh my friend you'll never be seeing me again and they didn't they didn't ever see me again uh if i'm to be honest um yeah it's weird like people don't people have a hard time talking to people and dealing with people have you noticed that in this world like uh for me i love communication i'm all about communication i'm all about communication i'm all about communication about it let's hey the open lines of communication uh but so the difficult thing with that is you're you're worrying about people's self-esteem people's egos and so you have to consider what you're saying which is fine because you want to be considerate right you were in a society and so you want to be considerate of other other people's emotions and how they feel about things and how things are going to affect them the things you're going to say right so it makes sense that you have to uh not censor the stuff that you're saying a little bit here and there but that you at least have to think about oh my gosh what i have to think about the things i'm saying yes come on come on that's obvious think about what you're going to say to people and then go up to them and have a conversation and treat them pull them you know let's let's all be on the same level and let's all have a conversation i have a hard time with uh institutionalized structures so what that means is like i always had a hard time in school where there was uh you know there's people who were over you there's there's a principal there's a teacher and they're in positions of power even nowadays i have sometimes problem with position people in positions of power uh because it's always been my thinking that hey let's if we have an issue let's lay it on the table and let's hash it out let's figure it out let's get to the bottom of it let's work together let's use you know constructive criticism i'm all about it and let's uh let's figure out what's going on let's work together i love working together that's at work that's what i do i like to facilitate people working together at my job like i try to pull people in from different departments people who don't talk as much all the time and because if you get different people from uh different backgrounds and with different viewpoints then that's going to broaden the information pool and you're going to lead that's going to lead you to potentially better solutions because if you're only looking at a problem in one way then you might not crack it you might not see if you're looking at a house and you can't get in and you're staring at it you're looking at the front all the windows are locked the door is locked you don't have a key you might not realize that the back door you know is open and you can just walk right in and that's where the party is um and so i try to do that in as many aspects of my life as i can i like and i always i get in trouble because i'm like let's just talk to me like a human and that's that's not a nice thing to say either and i understand that um but it's true like you know you came from a different background that i came from but we should and i you know you do this with people i try to talk to kids this way i try to talk to anyone that i'm dealing with at a store or at a gas station like anyone you're talking to i try to talk to my boss this way which gets me in trouble sometimes i um ah here's a sorry about that here's a crazy uh boss story this happened to me the other day i wasn't even thinking i was on a uh i was on a conference call and uh so there was something was being mentioned and there was somebody who wasn't on the call and i uh went and i called that person and i was just like hey just so you know they're talking about your thing and uh he just mentioned this so there was nothing nothing bad i mean i didn't say anything bad i wasn't like man this this guy whoa what did he what is he thinking he said oh this guy but as it turned out the uh the conference call had not muted me uh and there was no way to mute myself and so then i found out that they in fact had heard my conversation and i i mean pit in my stomach ice in my veins because i was going through and parsing every word that i had said just to make sure that there wasn't any any way that anything that i had said could be misconstrued whatever i was just like oh bad and then i was just like did i say anything how did i say anything weird and i couldn't remember but i eventually uh after deep hypnosis and therapy i figured out that i didn't really say anything oh thank goodness for that and but the point of that is is uh just don't say things bad about people and you'll be okay and i don't always follow that i try to follow that but it's a hard thing to follow sometimes try to be as nice to everybody as you can because you know and i uh i like to say we're all in this together but i don't know current times i i feel like maybe we're not all in this together but i feel a lot of people are in this together uh looking for progress looking for you know hopeful change uh for the better uh not change for the individual's sake but change for everyone's sake and i that's how i feel like it should be now that i have kids i want the whole world to be a good place i want the whole world to be a happy place and sometimes i feel like uh people chasing that almighty dollar might not be making have their focus on making the world a better place um but i don't know man i just don't know you know it's a crazy world out there so tell me about yourself i've been babbling for a long time here uh friend oh what are you doing you're going you're going you're going to enjoy it the nice weather this weekend you're going to go out and play we've been going to the park ah ollie rode a bicycle for the first time last week at the park uh we had we got him a bike for his birthday and put some air in the tires and was on a scooter ollie was on the bike just pedaling and getting furious because it's hard to explain to a kid pedal forward pedal forward that means you're going forward if you push back that means you put the brakes on what are brakes brakes i don't want to stop okay exactly so pedal forward pedal forward and that's what i want the world to do too i want it to pedal forward pedal forward

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February 23, 2017
Bumperpodcast #286 – Selling Cars

Rufus T. Rufus is back, and selling blue cars? Meanwhile, Bumpercar jibber-jabbers!

Do you like blue?

Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In episode 286 of Bumperpodcast, Rufus T. Rufus attempts to sell used blue cars as podcast sponsorships while host Natty Bumpercar is away. Natty returns to discover Rufus's car sales scheme and shares his obsession with blue cars versus his current green vehicle. The episode takes a personal turn as Natty recounts a chaotic week of illness, snow days with his kids, sledding adventures, and the challenges of parenting exhausted children. He also discusses his recent comedy shows including performances at an American Legion and a club audition in the city. The episode captures the show's signature blend of puppet humor and real-life parenting struggles.

Memorable Quotes

“Every day I wake up, and I look at the green car, and I'm like, oh, you're not a blue car. Not a blue car. Not a blue car. And it's caused me to have a very difficult time to make an emotional connection to this car.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You can't be alone when there's two you can be alone when you're by yourself and he was like no that's his debating technique no and I was just like ah foiled again.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Act quickly. Act now. Act right. Act tight. I'm Rufus T. Rufus, and I am selling you cars.”

— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #parenting #snow #cars #comedy #entrepreneurship #winter #familylife #exhaustion

Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Rufus T. Rufus: world where will it isn't rufus d rufus and as i see it nobody using this podcast for nothing and so what i've done is i've gone out and i have sold us some sponsorships to bring some money into my wallet of course into the piggy bank for everybody as well you're gonna get your cut but uh we are gonna be selling used vehicles here uh since bumper car ain't been making no bumper podcast i figured i would slide in and take opportunity of the opportunity if you understand what i'm saying so with that being said who is in the market for a two thousand uh i don't even know a blue car who who would like a car from the year 2000 it's it's it's i can make a very good deal on it i've got four of them what different shades of blue one is more of an aquamarine one is more of a i don't know a tear course i suppose so go come and get those let me know in the comments hey rufus what are you doing oh rufus well Hello there, bumper, bumper, bumper car. How you doing today?

Natty Bumpercar: I'm fine, but did I just hear you selling cars on the bumper podcast? Because I kind of need a car, and I like blue cars. Normally, I would get really upset with you and yell at you or whatever. Hey, what are you doing here? But, you know, I have a weak spot for blue cars. My other car is a blue car, and then when we got a new car, I wanted the blue car, but they didn't have any blue ones, and so it was going to be three weeks, and we didn't have three weeks to wait, and so we got a green car, and every day I wake up, and I look at the green car, and I'm like, oh, you're not a blue car. Not a blue car. Not a blue car. And it's caused me to have a very difficult time to make an emotional connection to this car. Is that weird? Yeah, it's a little strange. I don't know. You tell me.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, it's completely understandable, because as your listeners have heard, I have four blue cars. What's that? We have three. Now, we have sold one. We have four. We have four blue cars left. Three, excuse me. I get excited. So, if you want to get in on this deal, you got to get in while you can. The turquoise one is gone. That's the one. They said that's high on the market, and that's what people want to buy. And so somebody slipped in and took it away from me.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, I don't even… That's fine with me, because I don't care about turquoise. I mean, I got like blue, blue. Like a navy blue. Like a midnight blue. Like, it's like blue. Like, I like turquoise to me. Not blue. Kind of islandy. Which is fine if you're from an island, but I just want… I want to pick out the crayon in the box, and I want it to say blue. Not teal, not turquoise, not blue-green, not green-blue. Okay. Just blue.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, it just so happens that in this series of cars that I have here to sell, that there are now three, and two of them are what I would define as blue. As plain old blue, as you call it. As blue as the night sky and the sweetest of months. And the sweetest… So, with that being said…

Natty Bumpercar: What's the sweetest of months mean? I don't understand. You confuse me. Listen, here's what we're going to do. Here. Because I do have to record an actual bumper podcast now. I understand, I understand.

Rufus T. Rufus: No problem.

Natty Bumpercar: I appreciate you having cars. I will come and take a look at them, the ones that are blue, after. If they're still left, if they're still left. And good on you for showing some initiative. Trying to… I assume this was all going to go to the bumper podcast, to headquarters, to everyone here, and all the money you were going to make?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, well, no. No, we did have a deal. We had an agreement that I needed you to sign. You understand? There was dividends and functionalities of monies that were… We're going to be passed around to everybody. So, we were going to figure that out on the back end, if you understand what I'm saying here. I guess I do. I don't know. So, I'm going to go. I got to go. I got another phone call coming in. Oh, nice. Hopefully, if it's for one of these cars, if you want to get in, act quickly. Act now. Act right. Act tight. I'm Rufus T. Rufus, and I am selling you cars.

Natty Bumpercar: Thank you so much, Rufus T. Rufus. So, that was interesting. So, I'm Natty Bumpercar, and this is the Bumper Podcast, and it's been a couple of weeks, and I hate it when that happens, but I was sick. The kids were sick. Last week, we actually had snow, and I sat down with the kids to record a podcast about the snow, because they went sledding, and there was all this big fun, and man, it was a disaster. It was the most train wrecky of train wreckies ever. Like, I've got one set ahead for me, and I've got one set ahead for my kids, and they both want the headphones, so they both fight over the headphones, which means it's on one's head, and the other is pulling them, and then lets go, and it snaps, and then it hits the ear, and then there's crying, and then there's a punch. Ha, ha, ha. It's just, it's not a good, a conducive environment for creating a podcast, is what I'm telling you. We got like, I don't know, like 10 or 11 inches, which isn't crazy, and it's really only, I mean, our second snow of the year, but the day it's snowing, it's real wet outside, and it's really windy. It was super cold windy, but the first snowflake started to fall. The kids were like, we gotta go outside. We gotta snowball fight, snowman, sledding, and I was just like, no. It was like blizzard-ish. Like, you would look out the window, and all you, it was just like a whiteout, where all you would see is snowflakes everywhere, and I was just like, I'm not going, I'm not going out in that. Like, and this was at nine in the morning, that they wanted to go outside. And I was like, we're gonna have to wait a little while, but the snow's gonna be gone. The snow's not gonna be gone. It's here for a few days. Relax. So, it was a big fun day. I think at 11 or 12, I went out and had to shovel the driveway, and the front walk thing, drive park, what is it called? Sidewalk, that's what it's called. So, and that's like, 60 feet away. So, and that's like, 60 feet long, which is really long. So, by the time I was done, I felt like I was gonna die. And, and, and, and M was furious at me, because he was like, you wouldn't snowball fight with me. And I was like, I was shoveling. Daddy is tired and I was shoveling. Leave me be, boy. And then, later in the day, they finally, they, fine, we're gonna go sledding. So, we packed everything up, drove in the treacherous roads to the hills, the, and there's a hill in town that everyone goes to. And, we were there for an hour, 45 minutes an hour, it was, it was fine. I was freezing, I did not enjoy it. I don't like cold, I'm not good at cold, I'm not built for cold. And, but they were fine, they went up and down the hill, and up and down the hill, and up and down the hill. And, I need, I need new boots, I need new gloves, I need to move. move to the beach that's really you know what i could i could do without the gloves and the boots uh i just need to move to warmer climates is what it turns out uh i'm not i'm just not not built not built for it and then we got home and i think we i mean like we did everything for the kid we're like yeah here's this yeah here's this he played a little video games which is a special treat because we don't do that during the week and he was just like you guys don't ever let me do anything we're like but we but we did and i oh and i went i got him chinese food i went out to the place and i got him chinese food and i was like but we played in the snow and then we went sledding and then you got chinese food and uh oh then you played video game like i was just giving him the list the rundown and he was like no and i was just like yes so what i'm saying is you should have kids if you want to go crazy you should have kids it's fun it's great they don't sleep they keep you awake i was so tired last night i was in the um i was in the begging mode please just go to sleep daddy is so tired no i want you to sleep in here with us no i'm so tired please please please let daddy sleep no we're all alone in here and i was like you're not alone in here there's two of you you can't be alone when there's two you can be alone when you're by yourself and he was like no that's his debating technique no and i was just like ah foiled again so i finally got him down to sleep and then man i was i slept great i felt like a champ when i woke up and now i got tired again why is that why do i get tired so much so quickly because i ate that bagel oh what's up bagel time love me some bagels i had a big week last week too i had um uh what did i have last week i had three shows i had a show i had a show friday saturday sunday and monday but friday i had to cancel because we had plans um which is weird to can't i don't like shows but the uh saturday show was great it was at an american legion it was for a benefit the sunday show was great fun and then monday was like an audition for a club in the city and i haven't heard anything back but that night they seemed like they liked me so i don't know i don't know you know it's weird you just keep putting yourself out here's what comedians do it'll be like man i'm putting myself out there i'm grinding i'm doing this to work i'm putting in work and you're just like just gosh just go tell jokes silly boy or girl just what are you doing nobody don't don't tell me about you grinding i don't want to hear about you grinding man i was grating what were you grating cheese i was grating cheese putting in work for my pizza what you were doing what

Unknown: you did to me it was really it was it was full of crap you you you you you you you you you you you

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February 16, 2017
Bumperpodcast #285 – Viral

There is a sickness in the land. A sickness that leads to tangents and rambling! I hope you don’t catch it!

Do you get sick?

Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this solo episode, Natty Bumpercar shares his misadventures with viral laryngitis while recording from Bumperpodcast headquarters. With a severely sore throat and raspy voice, Natty rambles through stories about his doctor's visit, taking his kids' homeopathic medicine (complete with melatonin-induced dreams featuring Taylor Swift), and surviving on a diet of apple juice and yogurt. He recounts a recent dinner with a friend at an overwhelming barbecue restaurant and laments having to cancel his Super Bowl party plans. Despite feeling under the weather and admittedly not firing on all cylinders, Natty delivers his characteristic stream-of-consciousness comedy while apologizing for the absence of his usual puppet co-stars like Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Coleman Sparkles.

Memorable Quotes

“I sound a little bit rough. It's like if I was just like hey man we're gonna go rob that bank over there, yeah you want to go rob that bank with us? That's how I talk now.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“The nurse was like oh I'm so sad that you can't talk because you always say the strangest things, you always make me laugh. And I was in my head just like I say strange things?”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Here's fifteen dollars go to the arcade, go to the penny arcade, go get some penny candy. Go out of the town where are you kids?”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #illness #doctorvisit #friendship #food #superbowl #dreams #rambling

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so as it happens sometimes uh around here at headquarters i've gotten sick again and this is fine i actually i feel pretty okay if i'm gonna be honest it's my uh my throat hurts really bad uh it's swollen um i tried taking some i had tea with lemon i had uh tea with lemon and honey just lemon and honey um and then i went to i went to the doctor yesterday and uh they said that i have something called viral laryngitis which is like what what's that and actually yesterday i said all right right now i sound a little bit uh rough it's like if i was just like hey man we're gonna go rob that bank over there yeah you want to go rob that bank with us because we're gonna go rob it all right that's how i talk now but that i but it actually does it hurts to talk um which is fun i actually had uh a meeting oh yes i went to the doctor and uh hold on and when i when you go to the doctor for the sore throat um you know what's gonna happen is they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna swab they're gonna swab the deck and and the doctor the first the nurse came in and she was just like uh she's very nice and she was she was like oh i'm so sad that you can't talk because you always say the strangest things you always make me laugh and i was in my head i was just like i say strange things and then i was like oh i make her laugh that makes me happy that's all i want to do in the world is make her laugh um oh boy this hurts uh so then uh she weighed me and here's an i think i've complained about this before although the voice is back a little bit okay uh they um this is higher now that's weird uh she went to weigh me and she got me on the scale and it used to be at the doctor's office you would have like uh your underwear like your boxers and your t-shirt or something on right uh but i had like two shirts on my pants and my pants my pockets are full of have i carry rocks around i don't know why uh no but so you know she weighs me and she was like oh you must have had a good lunch and i was thinking i was like i didn't even have lunch it hurts to it hurts to swallow it hurts to breathe that hurts to swallow i can't put food in there um uh but you know if you take off the weight of the clothes when did the weight of the clothes become part of your weight is my complaint there i guess uh so i um but then i i had i had had dinner with a friend the night before i am rambling today man i'm gonna blame it on i started taking the uh i didn't have any cold medicine or anything that seemed appropriate for uh for a sore throat i'm gonna blame it on i didn't have any cold medicine for this whatever it is um laryngitis c thing um so the kids have this uh it's called zarby's maybe i think it's called zarby's zarby's and it's all like homeopathic stuff and it's like uh there's well there's honey which isn't really homeopathic i guess but i wanted honey on my throat and then there's also uh the stuff melatonin makes you sleep and then there's i guess there's other stuff too it makes you feel better so i took some a couple nights ago i had this crazy dream and it was all these people that i know were in it and uh taylor swift was in it and we all lived in this weird little town and uh i don't remember any of the dream but it was it was it was just like it was like a sitcom like it was like you'd pop into a set and be like hey and then there'd be like funny wacky jokes or whatever and then uh i don't remember it was a weird dream but then last night i took it again and uh and then at night they said it got a little bit better and i was like oh my god i'm gonna get to stay hydrated so i drink water and last night i drank uh i had some uh apples apple juice with water in it and um and uh the uh and i think that made it feel better so i'm taking this kid's medicine and i'm drinking apple juice from now on to make me feel better uh i can't really eat because it hurts so i'm drinking smoothies and eating yogurt which is great because this weekend is a super good weekend and i'm going to be drinking apple juice and i'm going to be drinking and my little my little birds are in it and fingers are crossed and i'm gonna in theory if i feel better please make me feel better uh we were gonna have a super bowl party we're gonna have people over but i just can't do it anymore i can't i don't have i don't have it in me uh so we're just gonna have us as a super bowl party which all right you know that makes sense uh because we're gonna get all this food that just the wife and i are gonna eat and the kids are gonna be like that's disgusting and i'm gonna be like oh why are you here go go out here's here's fifteen dollars go go have fun go out of the town where are you kids go go to the go to the arcade go to the penny arcade go get go get some penny candy fifteen dollars uh so i'm it's fine that i'm on this kind of um diet of uh of uh of what is this stuff i'm i'm using diet of uh man yogurt liquids i am and i gotta go to work today people i left work early yesterday and i gotta go in today and i am i am not operating in all i'm not operating in all cylinders i'm not functioning in all set no firing i'm not firing on all cylinders right now um and the doctor she was she was like do you i don't even know that's not even we're talking about this and she swabbed me there all that tangent was just because i was talking about swabbing and i want to talk about the nurse turns out so i don't have strep throat which i knew because with strep throat you can look into a mirror and if you can open your mouth you can look in the back and you'll see like white spots and uh like rabbititis it's like oh i got rabbititis uh but she's like but we're gonna we're gonna send this off the culture we're gonna send this culture off to have it and i was like all right i don't i don't care i don't know but then there's she's like here's so what here's what you do drink a lot of fluid don't uh exert yourself don't exercise and uh and i was just like i like exercise and uh and good luck basically that was it now i was just like this is this was a waste of 30 all right i could have i could have stayed home and slept for the two hours this doctor's appointment took and would have probably made me feel a little bit better um yeah so that's where i'm at right now i did i got to have dinner with a friend of mine earlier this week who who had moved from new york to minneapolis minnesota and uh he's he's great and i miss him i it's weird thing when you get older you don't have as many friends you know and you're like oh telephone you can stay in touch on facebook that's garbage you know you need to be able to sit across the table from somebody and really to be able to really complain uh it's it's it's essential to be it do it in person uh otherwise you know when they hang up the phone they're just like oh that guy so this is like physically you have to be like oh that guy it was so fun though he went to a barbecue place in the city and uh and uh and uh you had to go in you get it it's called you get a meal ticket and there's all these rules gotta get a meal ticket can't come in without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket your meal ticket meal ticket meal ticket he's like oh my goodness so uh you get in line and there's just so much food and it's overwhelming and the guy behind the counter he was great he was a great salesman he was just like all right here's what you guys want you guys both want this you look like hungry gentlemen you know what you're gonna want you're gonna want this special it comes with two meats it goes with two sides you're also gonna get cornbread with that and i was like that's too much food he was like no man it's not that much food trust me it's gonna be perfect for you so you're gonna and i got turkey turkey at a barbecue place but i gotta tell you man it's delicious i can't eat i can't eat the leftovers because it hurts too bad but man that day it was it was delicious this was a few days ago uh i got turkey and i got uh i got i got uh uh corn casserole who knew it's the best thing ever it was so good choupette white choupette corn green bean casserole too i feel like this is the conversation you're gonna have with me bumper podcast when i put away in an old in an old folks home and you show up on you know the one the day before christmas where you've come into town you're not gonna waste your christmas on me but you're gonna come and visit me because it is the holiday season this is what i feel like this conversation is although i haven't mentioned soup so i'm not gonna waste your christmas on me but uh maybe it's not we're not entirely there but uh if you are still listening to the bumper podcast i appreciate you i love you to to pieces i love doing the bumper podcast my voice actually feels better now than it did before so i appreciate you for that i do feel like i'm gonna pass out uh that's not your fault all right i gotta tell you uh uh and i apologize for the rambling i apologize pig is he's got something he's out he's out he's out like a light he's asleep right now uh rufus t rufus is actually in the south he said he is too cold for him here uh coleman sparkles is in the mine of course because it's his day to to go down to the mine uh pirate i don't know if the pirate has a name i just called the pirate uh anyway you guys are top-notch i am so glad i don't have any shows that was a worrisome thing for me because i can't do shows right now i'm talking now but i gotta be funny clearly i can't be funny

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February 3, 2017
Bumperpodcast #284 – Overabundance

Bumpercar starts off rough – finds out that there’s no back button, talks about science, sings some songs, and then says something about the potty. It’s an overabundant episode!

Do you like overabundance?

Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In Bumperpodcast episode 284, Natty Bumpercar shares his chaotic yet hilarious bedtime routine with his kids. After taking a strategic 27-minute nap, Natty dives into a lengthy discussion about science before recounting his challenging evening. He reads five books to his sons, sings custom songs including variations of 'Rocket Ship' and 'Ali Li La,' only to have his younger son reject his musical offerings. The episode highlights Natty's struggles with potty training rewards, multiple bathroom trips, and an awkward encounter at school where he calls a kid by the wrong name. Through it all, Natty's exhausted but loving approach to parenting shines through with plenty of self-deprecating humor.

Memorable Quotes

“I don't talk to people that often because I get my feelings hurt.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You need to be nice to daddy… and you know what he said? No. I was just like oh this is not a good debate.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“You can't just break it up into multiple prizes, that's not the way it's going to work.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #bedtimeroutine #science #pottytraining #children #music #sleep #familylife

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: yeah bumper podcast what's going on it's me natty bumper car it was a weird way for me to start i want to start over i want to start over what there's no back button so i'm gonna just sound like yeah bumper podcast forever i i'm pretty sure there's a back button no ah okay hi bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and uh last week i was super tired and sleepy this week i'm less tired and sleepy which is good i actually just took a nap i dropped the kids off early at school and uh then i came home and slept for 27 minutes i set my alarm for 27 minutes because i didn't want to go over 30 minutes because at that point the nap is actually gonna make you more tired which isn't true but that's what they tell you how is that even possible oh you got more sleep minutes more sleep then you're more tired sorry mom and but it's some sort of uh thing where you go into your deep sleep mode your REM sleep whatever it's called i can't i don't know the words i ain't i ain't no scientist hey bumper podcast let's get this straight we believe in science here at bumper podcast land at headquarters we love science all right you know why because science is backed up by things called facts science is backed up by things called data all right i was never super good at science in school but you know what i'm not a scientist that's for them to do but you know what i like to do believe in science all right let's i just wanted to establish that and i wanted to uh you know physical science sure earth science might be the same thing i don't know physics that's probably science right physiology it has ph at the beginning which wait science doesn't have oh god why have i gotten to this educated conversation with you and i haven't done any research ah research what is that that's science natty bumper car ah perfect you science is great so we should continue studying science and doing science and believing in science because science is the science behind science so back to me being awake i'm so waked woke i'm so woke i'm so waked i don't know how i don't see i don't know i don't talk to people that often i talk to big obviously uh and here's why i don't talk to people that often is because i don't because i get my feelings hurt uh last night i was putting the boys to bed and uh i read like five books five or six books i was like a book reading machine i was enjoying it normally i read one book per kid sing songs and i'm out but last night i was having a good time reading and so i just kind of kept going and i was like boom let's go to the next book bow let's go to the next book and the more i read to them the more uh tired they get and the more they kind of settle into bed easier which makes my whole experience better because here's what i don't like if i go up and i read and i get out quick i know they're gonna come out of the bed 10 10 12 times out of the room right daddy which i can't stand it drives me crazy it drives me bananas but so what i like to do is i'm just gonna do the work up front right i'm gonna make sure i give them pats i'm patting i'm patting so if i'm in there 25 minutes 30 minutes whatever that's cool because it's a nice 25 30 minutes for the most part right it's relaxed i'm reading books i'm singing the songs i'm calming them down no running around no toys ah let's lay down get your head on your pillow hey get your head on your pillow nope this is see there's this is your pillow i would like for your head don't kick the wall why are you kicking the wall i want your head where's your head perfect i want your head on your pillow point to your pillow point a point to the pillow that's not a pillow where's your pillow thank you now put your head on it and now you lay back down because i got two of them in the same room on opposite sides of the room and so they're both going back and forth it's like i'm looking it's like my head's on a swivel at all times anyway so i like to do the work up front so i don't have to go back up invariably you still gotta go up but for the most part it just seems easier to me so i uh last night five books in five books deep the big kid he is he is down for the count he is like i am out sing me some songs this is great you're the best data and i'm like yes i am and then i sing my songs i go uh rocket ship rocket ship way up high rocket ship rocket ship in the sky rocket ship rocket ship way up far rocket ship rocket ship in the stars and i go through the litany of songs i go through uh ali li la who's a pig for me ali li la just gather around and we'll see got a pig over here and a pig over there there's a pig pig pig pig everywhere said ali li la who's a pig for me ali li la who's a pig for me one more time ali li la who's a pig for me and on and on and on emerson passes out boom done gone perfect go over to ali i start singing him songs no i don't want you to sing songs those aren't the songs i want you to sing i want you to sing the songs from the book i don't know where the book is buddy let's just he's like i don't know where the book is you know the book yes i do i know the book i just don't know where the book is i don't like you i don't like your songs he's so mean to me at night and i was just like buddy i know some of the songs from the book so i can just sing them to you fine so then i start singing i'm like um uh he's like muffin man muffin man muffin man like he's in the crowd like he's like calling out songs for me to sing muffin man muffin man i was like all right oh do you know the muffin man and on and on right and then i went from muffin man to uh three blind mice and he just loses his mind he's just like why would you go to three blind mice from muffin man and i was like because it just seemed like a nice song it came into my head i know it's in the book he's like no and i was like fine john jacob jingle hymer and he she was just like get out get out get out get out you can find the book get the book you're not doing it and i was like there is no right i'm just singing songs to you i read you a lot of but i was like listen listen you listen you need to be nice you need to be nice to daddy you need to be really you need to be especially nice to everyone in the world but you need to be super nice to mommy and daddy and emerson and and socks because we're your family and listen i take care of you i just read you five books i just i'm singing your heart out songs and you're you need to be nicer and he was you know what he said no i was just like oh this is not a good debate this is i am not winning this debate currently so i was like fine all right i gave him a kiss in the head i said i love you so much and i'm leaving and i left the room and i went downstairs and i was just like i'm not i that's i'm not doing it not doing it not doing it if i'm gonna give my all and i'm gonna get that kind of response i'm not gonna do it so 10 minutes later daddy he's opened the door gotta go potty all right and we are in we are in the midst of some diaper free zone we have he has pushed the diapers away and he has said i am going for a full night with no diapers which is terrifying he's also going poopy on the potty all on his own decision and out of nowhere three days in we are now you so you run upstairs all right buddy let's go pee boom he goes pee goes back in the room four minutes later daddy gotta go i gotta go poops poops oh okay so you run upstairs you set set everything up get him on the get him on the toilet help him out yes he poops in the potty awesome now when he poops in the potty he gets like a prize a reward or whatever because we're trying to make sure he keeps doing it awesome clean him up wash my hands get him back into bed go downstairs yeah he did it this is this is working out and he was nice all right awesome so that that that worked too that conversation four minutes later door opens again this is the third door open daddy i gotta go poop again he poops again poops again but this poop was everywhere it was it was a back in the bed you don't get a prize this time he's like where's my prize it's like you only get one prize a night one prize you can't just you know break it up into multiple prizes that's not the way it's going to work seven minutes later door opens again he doesn't have to go to the bathroom this time he's just now he's just tested now he's just pushing boundaries and uh his mom goes up and she's oh she's not happy she takes away uh the ducks he got he got a duck a little plastic duck for uh going on the potty ducks gone sprinkles gone uh what's his name chasey gone he's got little uh little stuffed animals and gave them all names and now i gotta know these animals names i can't keep up i don't i can't i went to his school yesterday because he said he wanted to have a play date with a kid and and after school um he calls the kid partner i was just like he was just like i want to have a play date with partner and i was like who's partner that's an awesome name i want to meet a partner and so after school i was just like buddy your partner right and the kid dropped his head looked so sad he was just like no i'm not what like why would you call me partner that's not my name and it was it was some other name like phil or i don't know what his name was but the kid was totally freaked out because i called him the wrong name and i was like buddy it's okay relax it's good whatever your name is

Unknown: you

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January 26, 2017
Bumperpodcast #283 – Sleepy Bumpercar

It’s the return of Sleepy Bumpercar, and his semi-unintelligible blabbering! What a treat.

Do you ever sleep? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this hilariously exhausted episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares his sleep-deprived adventures in parenting. Between middle-of-the-night wake-ups from wolf-fearing children and the comedy of being rejected at 3 AM in favor of "Mommy," Natty somehow finds energy to discuss his recent banana nut muffin baking triumph and his upcoming gig hosting a kids' comedy show at The Creek and Cave in New York City. With Rufus T. Rufus having moved to a motel and Pig fast asleep, Natty carries this solo episode through sheer determination and caffeine-fueled rambling. He details his plans to bring his sons Emerson and Ollie to the show, dealing with stage fright and incomplete chicken-crossing-the-road jokes along the way.

Memorable Quotes

“You know how that makes you feel at 3 in the morning when you've been woken up by these children? And then they kick you out of their room? It does not feel good.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Emerson told me that he gets stage fright. And I was just like, you're seven. How do you know about stage fright?”

— Natty Bumpercar

“If I lose the kids in the city, I'm in big trouble. Oh, I am in Dutch. Oh, I am doomed.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #sleepdeprivation #comedy #kidsshows #baking #stagefright #family

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well hello there bumper podcast it's me whatever my name is and this is the whatever this thing is and here we are all together doing this thing that we do all every so often not every not every week i don't want to say it's every week do i sound tired i feel like i sound tired i feel like you can hear the tiredness in my voice that's fine it's true this is my truth this is my this is the story of the boy who cries wolf and um we're trying to teach him a little lesson about uh not not lying not making everything about yourself a little life lesson a little moral of the story is uh well the moral of the story is that uh your child is going to wake up in the middle of the night and think that there's a wolf in the house uh coming to get them and so then you're awake in the middle of the night with your kids and you can't go back to sleep because what if there's a wolf in your house you know you never know did i lock the wolf door i don't remember did i leave a wolf key by the mat maybe they found it and came in i don't i don't know that's scary it's scarifying scarifying is uh scared and terrifying scary and terrifying scarifying i guess i don't know how are you how are you Why don't you do some talking today? I think that makes a little bit more sense. I don't know if I have enough gas in my tank to get us through this episode. So what I'm asking is for you to take the wheel, just take over, do whatever, contribute. What? Pig? He's asleep. Rufus T. Rufus? He moved into a motel down the street. What I'm telling you, everyone is suffering because of this lack of sleep. All right? Everyone. Even the kids. They have little bags under their eyes, little circles. Why am I so tired? Because you don't sleep at night. Yes, I do. But you don't. Remember? No. And that's the thing. I think that there's still kind of a sleep. When they're awake, which blows my mind because they're definitely awake. They're yelling, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, or even better, even better, even better, Mommy, Mommy. And then I go into the room. I didn't ask for you. I asked for Mommy. Like that. You know how that makes you feel at 3 in the morning when you've been woken up by these children? And then they kick you out of their room? It does not feel good. It does not feel like a happy moment in your life. There's veins. Did you know that you have veins in your forehead? I don't know if they're veins. I don't know what they are necessarily. But they'll start to throb. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like that. And you're just like, Mommy's not here. And you turn into a hair metal band, like the lead singer. You're just like, Mommy's not here. I start yelling, which then wakes everybody up, which is good. Because if I'm going to suffer, every… No, that's not how I feel. Man, I feel a little bit better now. I feel like I got that. that off my chest i feel like the uh we're kicking into second gear maybe uh which is good let me tell you let me tell you bumper podcast about my week last week i made banana nut muffins what yes i saw the bananas they were blackened and old in the uh the banana bowl whatever wherever the bananas hide out the fruit bowl and i was like i'm gonna make some banana muffins and then i looked and we had all the ingredients and so you know what i did i made them and one of the kids even helped he was helping me dump stuff into the mixer and uh but then he got bored and he went upstairs but uh they turned out amazing and some of them have nuts in them and then some of them don't have nuts in them because you can't take nuts to school and so you have to remember oh the bunny muffin covers do not have mutts mutts nuts oh i see i was trying to put on a I was trying to put on a brave front there and act like I was awake. This weekend, I'm doing a show. I'm doing a kid's show. A kid's show. It's at 1 o'clock in the afternoon in the city. And actually, it's going to be me and the boys are going to go to, it's at a comedy club called The Creek and Cave, which is such a nice club. I don't want to turn this into a commercial, but I really love The Creek and Cave. It's something about it. I walked in, and I was just like, oh, this is where I'm supposed to do jokes. This makes sense for me to do jokes. This place works in my brain. Now, if I can progress past just doing the kid's show at 1 o'clock on Saturdays, then we'll have something in our pocket. Anyway, so this kid's show, I did it a couple of months ago. And I just did my little set, and then I came home. And then, like, I did it. The next day, the guy, this really nice guy named Paul, he was like, hey, do I do it again? And I was like, yes, yes. And he's like, cool, I'm going to have you close the show. I'm going to give you extra time. You did a great job. And I was like, all right, look at that. So then I went, didn't end up closing the show, which is fine, but had a great time. So now we're two for two. And on that show, it was the week before Christmas, and it was snowy, and seven people came. So it was a little depressing. The first time, it was, like, sold out, which is fun. Now, he reaches out to me, and he was just like, hey, you want to do the show again? Yes. Well, do you want to host it? Because I'm not going to be around. And I was just like, you want me to run the show? I can run the show. I run shows. So as it happens, the wife is going to be out of town. And so I was just like, well, this is perfect. I'm taking me. I'm taking Paul. I'm taking the boys. We're going into the big city, and we're going to do a show. And here's how it works is in between each comedian, the kids in the audience are actually able to, there's joke books that they've brought, and they're able to tell their own jokes. Like, they get to come on stage and do a couple of jokes. So it's, and then everyone's like, ah, these kids are funny. And so I've been telling Emerson and Ollie. I've been like, guys, we're going to go do the jokes. And they're just like, Emerson's like, nope. And Ollie's like, yeah. And then he's just like, tell me about the chicken. And I was like, what do you mean? And he's like, he crossed the road. And I'm like, that's, it's close. You're really close. You're really close to having a joke there. And I love it. I, Emerson told me that he gets stage fright. And I was just like, you're seven. How do you know about stage fright? And he's like, remember? Remember my winter concert? And I was like, yeah, it was great. And he was like, no, it wasn't. Everyone was there. And I was like, yeah, that's kind of the point of the winter concert. You go on stage and you sing songs. You did a great job. You did a great job. So it'll be interesting. The only real hiccup, the hard part, is there's a big march in the city this weekend. So I got to make sure to avoid that. And we have to be there at 1130. And the show starts at 1. So it's going to be kind of a long day. I'm going to go with iPads. I'm going to have a bag of snacks. There is a Mexican restaurant attached to the club. Hello, nurse. So we will be having Mexican food. And probably going to have to bribe them with something afterwards. If you do this for me, then I will do that for you type of thing. If this, then that. But. I think. I think. And I'm hosting. So I got to go up in between each comic. So I got to sit them right up front so that I don't lose them. Because if I lose the kids in the city, I'm in big trouble. Oh, I am in Dutch. Oh, I am doomed. But I think they'll be fine. And hopefully they'll actually come up on stage with me and tell the jokes. So I don't know if you saw that, but the roller coaster just went back downhill. Back towards exhaustion. Back towards Sleepy Town. And here's the thing. I get to go to the office now. Where I will shut the door. I have the heat cranked up all the way to high. And then I play a game called Don't Fall Asleep. Don't Fall Asleep. Don't Fall. It's, it's. And then you know what happens? I fall asleep. And then I go to the gym. And I work out even though I'm super tired. So it's, there's a lot going on is what I'm saying. And then I'm going to come home tonight. And you know what my big plan is? I'm going to go to bed by 630. I'm going to be in bed, hopefully asleep by 647. So that's a big night for me. Fingers are crossed. I think it's going to go well. I think it's going to go pretty exciting. I miss you guys. I'm glad to see you. I'm glad you hung out. I'm sorry there's no characters today. But they're, if I could be sleeping right now, I would. But I can't. I got work to do. I got things to do. I got stuff to do. I got what? What got work to do? I got things. I got things to do. I got stuff to do. I got what? What? What? What? Come on, y'all. Let's come on, y'all. Let's all go to sleep, y'all. Let's take a little nap. Let's go to bed. Let's, let's go to sleep, y'all. Work to do. I got stuff to do. I got things to do. I got what? What? Work. You know what I'm saying? Work to do. I got stuff, stuff. Come on, y'all.

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January 19, 2017