Tag: comedy podcast

  • Bumperpodcast #284 – Overabundance

    Bumperpodcast #284 – Overabundance

    Bumpercar starts off rough – finds out that there’s no back button, talks about science, sings some songs, and then says something about the potty. It’s an overabundant episode!

    Do you like overabundance?

    Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. 

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 284, Natty Bumpercar shares his chaotic yet hilarious bedtime routine with his kids. After taking a strategic 27-minute nap, Natty dives into a lengthy discussion about science before recounting his challenging evening. He reads five books to his sons, sings custom songs including variations of 'Rocket Ship' and 'Ali Li La,' only to have his younger son reject his musical offerings. The episode highlights Natty's struggles with potty training rewards, multiple bathroom trips, and an awkward encounter at school where he calls a kid by the wrong name. Through it all, Natty's exhausted but loving approach to parenting shines through with plenty of self-deprecating humor.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I don't talk to people that often because I get my feelings hurt.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You need to be nice to daddy… and you know what he said? No. I was just like oh this is not a good debate.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You can't just break it up into multiple prizes, that's not the way it's going to work.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #bedtimeroutine #science #pottytraining #children #music #sleep #familylife

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah bumper podcast what's going on it's me natty bumper car it was a weird way for me to start i want to start over i want to start over what there's no back button so i'm gonna just sound like yeah bumper podcast forever i i'm pretty sure there's a back button no ah okay hi bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and uh last week i was super tired and sleepy this week i'm less tired and sleepy which is good i actually just took a nap i dropped the kids off early at school and uh then i came home and slept for 27 minutes i set my alarm for 27 minutes because i didn't want to go over 30 minutes because at that point the nap is actually gonna make you more tired which isn't true but that's what they tell you how is that even possible oh you got more sleep minutes more sleep then you're more tired sorry mom and but it's some sort of uh thing where you go into your deep sleep mode your REM sleep whatever it's called i can't i don't know the words i ain't i ain't no scientist hey bumper podcast let's get this straight we believe in science here at bumper podcast land at headquarters we love science all right you know why because science is backed up by things called facts science is backed up by things called data all right i was never super good at science in school but you know what i'm not a scientist that's for them to do but you know what i like to do believe in science all right let's i just wanted to establish that and i wanted to uh you know physical science sure earth science might be the same thing i don't know physics that's probably science right physiology it has ph at the beginning which wait science doesn't have oh god why have i gotten to this educated conversation with you and i haven't done any research ah research what is that that's science natty bumper car ah perfect you science is great so we should continue studying science and doing science and believing in science because science is the science behind science so back to me being awake i'm so waked woke i'm so woke i'm so waked i don't know how i don't see i don't know i don't talk to people that often i talk to big obviously uh and here's why i don't talk to people that often is because i don't because i get my feelings hurt uh last night i was putting the boys to bed and uh i read like five books five or six books i was like a book reading machine i was enjoying it normally i read one book per kid sing songs and i'm out but last night i was having a good time reading and so i just kind of kept going and i was like boom let's go to the next book bow let's go to the next book and the more i read to them the more uh tired they get and the more they kind of settle into bed easier which makes my whole experience better because here's what i don't like if i go up and i read and i get out quick i know they're gonna come out of the bed 10 10 12 times out of the room right daddy which i can't stand it drives me crazy it drives me bananas but so what i like to do is i'm just gonna do the work up front right i'm gonna make sure i give them pats i'm patting i'm patting so if i'm in there 25 minutes 30 minutes whatever that's cool because it's a nice 25 30 minutes for the most part right it's relaxed i'm reading books i'm singing the songs i'm calming them down no running around no toys ah let's lay down get your head on your pillow hey get your head on your pillow nope this is see there's this is your pillow i would like for your head don't kick the wall why are you kicking the wall i want your head where's your head perfect i want your head on your pillow point to your pillow point a point to the pillow that's not a pillow where's your pillow thank you now put your head on it and now you lay back down because i got two of them in the same room on opposite sides of the room and so they're both going back and forth it's like i'm looking it's like my head's on a swivel at all times anyway so i like to do the work up front so i don't have to go back up invariably you still gotta go up but for the most part it just seems easier to me so i uh last night five books in five books deep the big kid he is he is down for the count he is like i am out sing me some songs this is great you're the best data and i'm like yes i am and then i sing my songs i go uh rocket ship rocket ship way up high rocket ship rocket ship in the sky rocket ship rocket ship way up far rocket ship rocket ship in the stars and i go through the litany of songs i go through uh ali li la who's a pig for me ali li la just gather around and we'll see got a pig over here and a pig over there there's a pig pig pig pig everywhere said ali li la who's a pig for me ali li la who's a pig for me one more time ali li la who's a pig for me and on and on and on emerson passes out boom done gone perfect go over to ali i start singing him songs no i don't want you to sing songs those aren't the songs i want you to sing i want you to sing the songs from the book i don't know where the book is buddy let's just he's like i don't know where the book is you know the book yes i do i know the book i just don't know where the book is i don't like you i don't like your songs he's so mean to me at night and i was just like buddy i know some of the songs from the book so i can just sing them to you fine so then i start singing i'm like um uh he's like muffin man muffin man muffin man like he's in the crowd like he's like calling out songs for me to sing muffin man muffin man i was like all right oh do you know the muffin man and on and on right and then i went from muffin man to uh three blind mice and he just loses his mind he's just like why would you go to three blind mice from muffin man and i was like because it just seemed like a nice song it came into my head i know it's in the book he's like no and i was like fine john jacob jingle hymer and he she was just like get out get out get out get out you can find the book get the book you're not doing it and i was like there is no right i'm just singing songs to you i read you a lot of but i was like listen listen you listen you need to be nice you need to be nice to daddy you need to be really you need to be especially nice to everyone in the world but you need to be super nice to mommy and daddy and emerson and and socks because we're your family and listen i take care of you i just read you five books i just i'm singing your heart out songs and you're you need to be nicer and he was you know what he said no i was just like oh this is not a good debate this is i am not winning this debate currently so i was like fine all right i gave him a kiss in the head i said i love you so much and i'm leaving and i left the room and i went downstairs and i was just like i'm not i that's i'm not doing it not doing it not doing it if i'm gonna give my all and i'm gonna get that kind of response i'm not gonna do it so 10 minutes later daddy he's opened the door gotta go potty all right and we are in we are in the midst of some diaper free zone we have he has pushed the diapers away and he has said i am going for a full night with no diapers which is terrifying he's also going poopy on the potty all on his own decision and out of nowhere three days in we are now you so you run upstairs all right buddy let's go pee boom he goes pee goes back in the room four minutes later daddy gotta go i gotta go poops poops oh okay so you run upstairs you set set everything up get him on the get him on the toilet help him out yes he poops in the potty awesome now when he poops in the potty he gets like a prize a reward or whatever because we're trying to make sure he keeps doing it awesome clean him up wash my hands get him back into bed go downstairs yeah he did it this is this is working out and he was nice all right awesome so that that that worked too that conversation four minutes later door opens again this is the third door open daddy i gotta go poop again he poops again poops again but this poop was everywhere it was it was a back in the bed you don't get a prize this time he's like where's my prize it's like you only get one prize a night one prize you can't just you know break it up into multiple prizes that's not the way it's going to work seven minutes later door opens again he doesn't have to go to the bathroom this time he's just now he's just tested now he's just pushing boundaries and uh his mom goes up and she's oh she's not happy she takes away uh the ducks he got he got a duck a little plastic duck for uh going on the potty ducks gone sprinkles gone uh what's his name chasey gone he's got little uh little stuffed animals and gave them all names and now i gotta know these animals names i can't keep up i don't i can't i went to his school yesterday because he said he wanted to have a play date with a kid and and after school um he calls the kid partner i was just like he was just like i want to have a play date with partner and i was like who's partner that's an awesome name i want to meet a partner and so after school i was just like buddy your partner right and the kid dropped his head looked so sad he was just like no i'm not what like why would you call me partner that's not my name and it was it was some other name like phil or i don't know what his name was but the kid was totally freaked out because i called him the wrong name and i was like buddy it's okay relax it's good whatever your name is

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  • Bumperpodcast #283 – Sleepy Bumpercar

    Bumperpodcast #283 – Sleepy Bumpercar

    It’s the return of Sleepy Bumpercar, and his semi-unintelligible blabbering! What a treat.

    Do you ever sleep? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. 

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this hilariously exhausted episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares his sleep-deprived adventures in parenting. Between middle-of-the-night wake-ups from wolf-fearing children and the comedy of being rejected at 3 AM in favor of "Mommy," Natty somehow finds energy to discuss his recent banana nut muffin baking triumph and his upcoming gig hosting a kids' comedy show at The Creek and Cave in New York City. With Rufus T. Rufus having moved to a motel and Pig fast asleep, Natty carries this solo episode through sheer determination and caffeine-fueled rambling. He details his plans to bring his sons Emerson and Ollie to the show, dealing with stage fright and incomplete chicken-crossing-the-road jokes along the way.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You know how that makes you feel at 3 in the morning when you've been woken up by these children? And then they kick you out of their room? It does not feel good.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Emerson told me that he gets stage fright. And I was just like, you're seven. How do you know about stage fright?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If I lose the kids in the city, I'm in big trouble. Oh, I am in Dutch. Oh, I am doomed.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #parenting #sleepdeprivation #comedy #kidsshows #baking #stagefright #family

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well hello there bumper podcast it's me whatever my name is and this is the whatever this thing is and here we are all together doing this thing that we do all every so often not every not every week i don't want to say it's every week do i sound tired i feel like i sound tired i feel like you can hear the tiredness in my voice that's fine it's true this is my truth this is my this is the story of the boy who cries wolf and um we're trying to teach him a little lesson about uh not not lying not making everything about yourself a little life lesson a little moral of the story is uh well the moral of the story is that uh your child is going to wake up in the middle of the night and think that there's a wolf in the house uh coming to get them and so then you're awake in the middle of the night with your kids and you can't go back to sleep because what if there's a wolf in your house you know you never know did i lock the wolf door i don't remember did i leave a wolf key by the mat maybe they found it and came in i don't i don't know that's scary it's scarifying scarifying is uh scared and terrifying scary and terrifying scarifying i guess i don't know how are you how are you Why don't you do some talking today? I think that makes a little bit more sense. I don't know if I have enough gas in my tank to get us through this episode. So what I'm asking is for you to take the wheel, just take over, do whatever, contribute. What? Pig? He's asleep. Rufus T. Rufus? He moved into a motel down the street. What I'm telling you, everyone is suffering because of this lack of sleep. All right? Everyone. Even the kids. They have little bags under their eyes, little circles. Why am I so tired? Because you don't sleep at night. Yes, I do. But you don't. Remember? No. And that's the thing. I think that there's still kind of a sleep. When they're awake, which blows my mind because they're definitely awake. They're yelling, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, or even better, even better, even better, Mommy, Mommy. And then I go into the room. I didn't ask for you. I asked for Mommy. Like that. You know how that makes you feel at 3 in the morning when you've been woken up by these children? And then they kick you out of their room? It does not feel good. It does not feel like a happy moment in your life. There's veins. Did you know that you have veins in your forehead? I don't know if they're veins. I don't know what they are necessarily. But they'll start to throb. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like that. And you're just like, Mommy's not here. And you turn into a hair metal band, like the lead singer. You're just like, Mommy's not here. I start yelling, which then wakes everybody up, which is good. Because if I'm going to suffer, every… No, that's not how I feel. Man, I feel a little bit better now. I feel like I got that. that off my chest i feel like the uh we're kicking into second gear maybe uh which is good let me tell you let me tell you bumper podcast about my week last week i made banana nut muffins what yes i saw the bananas they were blackened and old in the uh the banana bowl whatever wherever the bananas hide out the fruit bowl and i was like i'm gonna make some banana muffins and then i looked and we had all the ingredients and so you know what i did i made them and one of the kids even helped he was helping me dump stuff into the mixer and uh but then he got bored and he went upstairs but uh they turned out amazing and some of them have nuts in them and then some of them don't have nuts in them because you can't take nuts to school and so you have to remember oh the bunny muffin covers do not have mutts mutts nuts oh i see i was trying to put on a I was trying to put on a brave front there and act like I was awake. This weekend, I'm doing a show. I'm doing a kid's show. A kid's show. It's at 1 o'clock in the afternoon in the city. And actually, it's going to be me and the boys are going to go to, it's at a comedy club called The Creek and Cave, which is such a nice club. I don't want to turn this into a commercial, but I really love The Creek and Cave. It's something about it. I walked in, and I was just like, oh, this is where I'm supposed to do jokes. This makes sense for me to do jokes. This place works in my brain. Now, if I can progress past just doing the kid's show at 1 o'clock on Saturdays, then we'll have something in our pocket. Anyway, so this kid's show, I did it a couple of months ago. And I just did my little set, and then I came home. And then, like, I did it. The next day, the guy, this really nice guy named Paul, he was like, hey, do I do it again? And I was like, yes, yes. And he's like, cool, I'm going to have you close the show. I'm going to give you extra time. You did a great job. And I was like, all right, look at that. So then I went, didn't end up closing the show, which is fine, but had a great time. So now we're two for two. And on that show, it was the week before Christmas, and it was snowy, and seven people came. So it was a little depressing. The first time, it was, like, sold out, which is fun. Now, he reaches out to me, and he was just like, hey, you want to do the show again? Yes. Well, do you want to host it? Because I'm not going to be around. And I was just like, you want me to run the show? I can run the show. I run shows. So as it happens, the wife is going to be out of town. And so I was just like, well, this is perfect. I'm taking me. I'm taking Paul. I'm taking the boys. We're going into the big city, and we're going to do a show. And here's how it works is in between each comedian, the kids in the audience are actually able to, there's joke books that they've brought, and they're able to tell their own jokes. Like, they get to come on stage and do a couple of jokes. So it's, and then everyone's like, ah, these kids are funny. And so I've been telling Emerson and Ollie. I've been like, guys, we're going to go do the jokes. And they're just like, Emerson's like, nope. And Ollie's like, yeah. And then he's just like, tell me about the chicken. And I was like, what do you mean? And he's like, he crossed the road. And I'm like, that's, it's close. You're really close. You're really close to having a joke there. And I love it. I, Emerson told me that he gets stage fright. And I was just like, you're seven. How do you know about stage fright? And he's like, remember? Remember my winter concert? And I was like, yeah, it was great. And he was like, no, it wasn't. Everyone was there. And I was like, yeah, that's kind of the point of the winter concert. You go on stage and you sing songs. You did a great job. You did a great job. So it'll be interesting. The only real hiccup, the hard part, is there's a big march in the city this weekend. So I got to make sure to avoid that. And we have to be there at 1130. And the show starts at 1. So it's going to be kind of a long day. I'm going to go with iPads. I'm going to have a bag of snacks. There is a Mexican restaurant attached to the club. Hello, nurse. So we will be having Mexican food. And probably going to have to bribe them with something afterwards. If you do this for me, then I will do that for you type of thing. If this, then that. But. I think. I think. And I'm hosting. So I got to go up in between each comic. So I got to sit them right up front so that I don't lose them. Because if I lose the kids in the city, I'm in big trouble. Oh, I am in Dutch. Oh, I am doomed. But I think they'll be fine. And hopefully they'll actually come up on stage with me and tell the jokes. So I don't know if you saw that, but the roller coaster just went back downhill. Back towards exhaustion. Back towards Sleepy Town. And here's the thing. I get to go to the office now. Where I will shut the door. I have the heat cranked up all the way to high. And then I play a game called Don't Fall Asleep. Don't Fall Asleep. Don't Fall. It's, it's. And then you know what happens? I fall asleep. And then I go to the gym. And I work out even though I'm super tired. So it's, there's a lot going on is what I'm saying. And then I'm going to come home tonight. And you know what my big plan is? I'm going to go to bed by 630. I'm going to be in bed, hopefully asleep by 647. So that's a big night for me. Fingers are crossed. I think it's going to go well. I think it's going to go pretty exciting. I miss you guys. I'm glad to see you. I'm glad you hung out. I'm sorry there's no characters today. But they're, if I could be sleeping right now, I would. But I can't. I got work to do. I got things to do. I got stuff to do. I got what? What got work to do? I got things. I got things to do. I got stuff to do. I got what? What? What? What? Come on, y'all. Let's come on, y'all. Let's all go to sleep, y'all. Let's take a little nap. Let's go to bed. Let's, let's go to sleep, y'all. Work to do. I got stuff to do. I got things to do. I got what? What? Work. You know what I'm saying? Work to do. I got stuff, stuff. Come on, y'all.

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  • Bumperpodcast #282 – New Year

    Bumperpodcast #282 – New Year

    Rufus T. Rufus is starting a new career – with the help of Pig, and Bumpercar tells a little New Year’s story!

    Did you have a career? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this hilarious episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar finds Rufus T. Rufus recording a voiceover demo reel at headquarters, with Aloysious J. Pig acting as his manager. Rufus delivers over-the-top commercial reads about cream corn and other products, convinced he's destined for voiceover stardom. After Rufus loses his voice from all the enthusiastic pitching, Natty shares his low-key New Year's Eve experience where his kids passed out at 7:30pm, his wife fell asleep at 9:30pm, and he accidentally missed midnight entirely while wandering around with just the dog for company. The episode captures the chaos of the holiday season and the reality of celebrating with young children.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You ain't never, ever in your whole entire life had cream corn like this cream corn. So get on down to our store where we're having a special sale. It's a pyramid of cream corn.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “The kids fell asleep at 7.30 at night. New Year's Eve. This is our big, exciting night. Then my wife fell asleep at 9.30-ish. So it's me and the dog.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “This was my golden ticket out of this place. You can read about me in Voice Over Manager Magazine.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    Topics: #voiceover #commercials #newyear'seve #parenting #holidays #creamcorn #exhaustion #familylife

    Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

    Full Transcript

    Rufus T. Rufus: well come on down come one come all to the shop to buy the things they're all on sale and of course you're gonna get the best deal that you ever got in your whole entire life you ain't never seen deals like these deals a matter of fact these deals my friends these deals are not gonna be here forever so if you don't get on down to the shop then these things are gonna go back up to full price and of course our full price is lower than their price has ever been because we got the best prices in the whole coast at our shop for the things so why don't oh hey hello bumper car

    Natty Bumpercar: what are you doing here today it's uh it's time for me to record the bumper podcast the first bumper podcast of the year and so i i came in and i'm gonna be doing a little bit of a i didn't realize that you would schedule time what are you recording is this some sort of an

    Rufus T. Rufus: ad i'm working i'm working on my voice my vo reel my voice over reel because your friend pig piggy lou over there he's telling me that i have quite the voice for radio and uh that i need to get on

    Natty Bumpercar: some commercials and such as that you understand that i mean you certainly are a character you certainly have a lot of uh life and energy and vim and vigor to your voice so i i mean i guess if someone is specifically looking for someone that sounds like you you mean perfect exactly then um you would you would fit the bill perfectly hey uh guys it's it's me pig

    Aloysious J. Pig: oh yeah you too buddy you and all of yours thanks yeah rufus that was perfect that's exactly what i was looking for you know we we didn't have any product specific things but what you did in there with that copy that i gave you my friend my friend my friend always perfect i appreciate that thank

    Rufus T. Rufus: you very much yeah it's i i i i i i was i excuse me a second i think i hit a bit of a uh flum flum flum bobble in my throat there i i was you know uh when i was raised to speak i always thought to myself that public speaking was probably the way that i would be going the route that i would be going the avenue that i would be travailing and traversing and reversing on if you catch my drift that's like i talk exactly i i'm i'm flummoxed i don't know

    Aloysious J. Pig: i don't really know what you just said if i'm to be if i'm to be completely honest i mean i heard you talking but there was a lot of words i mean you sounded great i'm just what i'm gonna tell you buddy you sounded like a professional voiceover actor so get out there good we're gonna get you to broadway to new york city where all the big commercials are made and you know what we're gonna we're gonna put you at the top of the marquee uh rufus t rufus uh today today only recording his commercial about canned corn what is i don't know what's happening right now something you could get

    Natty Bumpercar: behind you think you guys are ridiculous i mean he sounded great he said but he sounded just like rufus t rufus and so i think you record it you send it over to um some agencies whatever some commercial agencies and then you know if they ever need somebody to sound like to have that accent and you know then they'll that inflection and everything then uh you know he'll be in the pool but i don't i mean i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know if he's gonna be on any marquee i've never i've never seen a theater actually sell tickets for somebody to record a commercial a radio commercial like not even being filmed just is so it's just gonna be a dude on stage reading from a script um about cream corn

    Rufus T. Rufus: canned corn like what was it it was cream corn and it is the best hold on a second it was this is ladies and gentlemen this is the best cream corn that you will ever feast your lips upon. When you put your fork or your spoon or your spork into this cream corn, the next thing that's going to happen is you're going to lift it up. You're going to put it in your mouth and you're going to mind blown. You're going to have your mind blown because you had corn before, corn on a cob. You had cornbread before. Cornbread is good, but you ain't never, ever in your whole entire life had cream corn like this cream corn. So get on down to our store where we're having a special sale. It's a pyramid of cream corn. Get it in your cart today because tomorrow's going to come sooner than later. Ha ha, like that. That's how I do it. That's how the professionals do it, Bumper Car. You had this podcast now for almost 25 years. 25 years? And you ain't never done a commercial. So who you talking to? I mean, don't talk to me about this, my friend. All right, let's relax. I don't want you to blow

    Aloysious J. Pig: out your pipes. I don't want you to ruin your perfect golden voice. That's not a golden voice. So if you could, let's relax. Let's relax a little bit. Everybody, just take a step back. Let's let Bumper Car come to the mic and share. He's got some silly story to tell about his kids or whatever, or a tree. I don't know what happened. And we can just kind of, we can edit your video, your audio together, and we can send it off. We got things to do, okay? Okay, why don't you guys go ahead and go.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Scrumdillium, she turned down the form, she's absolutely stunningly divine. So let's do that, and you do this, whatever you want. Whatever you do, Bumper Car. Okay. And I will see you. Perfect. Another day. Looking at magazines with my picture in it. Voice of a magazine. You're going to be sitting at the bus stop, reading a magazine. All right. Talking about, hey, it's Rufus T. Rufus. There he is. Bringing the whole industry back. The whole industry? Really? He's putting it all on his shoulders. Cream corn. And he's taking it the last mile, the last charge. You haven't even.

    Natty Bumpercar: I think I lost my ball.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Rufus. I lost my boy. Big. Rufus. I feel like I can't talk no more. Oh. What is going on? What in the world has one of you done to me, Bumper Car? Oh, no. Rufus.

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm sorry.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Rufus, stop talking. You're going to make it worse.

    Natty Bumpercar: You need a lozenge. No, he needs some lozenge. Or some lemon. Lemon, honey, and lemon.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, honey and lemon. We got to stop talking. Rufus. Okay. Here's my golden ticket.

    Natty Bumpercar: Sorry about that, Rufus. See you, Rufus. Okay. We got to go. We got to go. Oh, man. You're in big trouble now. No, you're in big trouble right now. I'm not in trouble. Stop.

    Aloysious J. Pig: You did this to us. You did this to me. This was my golden ticket out of this place. Okay. Anyway, happy New Year, everybody. Hopefully, I'm going to fix Rufus T. Rufus's voice, and you can read about me. I'm Pig. I'm his manager in Voice Over Manager Magazine. That's not a real magazine. That's it. I got to go. I got to go fix this dude. Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: See you later, dude. All right. So, anyway. That was crazy. I guess I'm not going to lie. I felt like buying a can of cream corn after I heard Rufus talking about it, and that's a good skill. He's a salesman. That's for sure. He signed us up for a contract, and he's not even a lawyer. He has no ability to do that, and he almost took the Bumper Podcast away from us a couple years ago. But that all worked out when we found out that he, well, he fibs a lot. He lies a lot. Let's be honest. Rufus does. Anyway, happy New Year, everybody. This is the first Bumper Podcast of this 2017, and we're doing great, and we survived the holidays. I hope you did. Man, they're stressful. There's so much going on. You got to clean the house. You got to decorate the house. You got to go find a tree. You get a lot of money for the tree. You got to put the tree down. Santa's got to go make all the presents. You got to get the lists. You got to sit on Santa's lap. You got to tell him the list. You got to go to holiday parties. You got to go to family parties. You got to put together Christmas cards. You got to, the kids are home from school. Like, there's a lot going on is what I'm telling you. There's present wrapping. There's, oh, now we got to go to this place. We got to go to that place. And, oh, the kids are up all night because they're excited. So, now you're not sleeping for a week. Oh, no, now the kids are sick. Oh, jeez. So, now it's New Year's Eve. Here's what happened on New Year's Eve. We had a play date. Me and both kids went to this kid's house. And it was great fun. And then they came home and they were overtired and overhungry. And they both passed out. And then when they woke up, they were zombies. They were the walking dead. They were having a very bad time of it. And it was like 4, 15, 4.30 in the afternoon. And I was like, oh, my God. And I was like, all right, guys. We're going to get ready. It's New Year's Eve. We're going to go out. We're going to get hibachi. And they were like, no. No. I don't feel good. I don't feel good. I don't feel good. I'm so sick. And I was just like, well, let's have a snack. Let's have some juice. Let's have some milk. And they were like, I can't. And to the point where they were like, we're not going out. And I was like, guys, it's New Year's Eve. We're going to go get hibachi. We're going to watch the cool. They've never seen hibachi. And they, no. Not happening. Not doing it. So fine. So great. So we're going to hang out at home. I got some food, brought it home, and we hung out. The kids fell asleep at 7.30 at night. New Year's Eve. This is our big, exciting night. Then my wife fell asleep at 9.30-ish. So it's me and the dog. We're wandering around headquarters, just ambling about, not really doing anything, doing a little bit of this, a little bit of that, working a little bit. And then I looked at my phone, and it was 12.07. So I totally missed New Year's. I totally missed the countdown. And then the next day, it was a new year, and it's a new you. And happy Bumper Podcast. Bumper Podcast.

    Unknown: Bumper Podcast.

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  • Bumperpodcast #281 – History

    Bumperpodcast #281 – History

    Bumpercar and Pig talk about how the past can define you, if you let it. They also wish everyone a Happy New Year – and bring some songs and cheer!

    Did you like porridge? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In episode 281 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar starts the new year exhausted from the busy December holiday season. Aloysious J. Pig calls him out for complaining and shares his own philosophy about managing how others perceive you. The conversation takes an unexpected turn as Pig reveals his struggles with being labeled as messy at his favorite slop restaurant, leading to an insightful discussion about reputation, identity, and how past behaviors define us. The episode features a hilarious revelation about someone from their past named Porridge Pete who now runs the very slop restaurant Pig frequents. Natty and Pig decide to hit the mall together, with plans to revisit Natty's old "green pants" identity and grab some food at Pete's restaurant.

    Memorable Quotes

    “You're not stuck to that narrative. You control your own narrative, right? So what you do is you got to go back in, you got to flip the script.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I wore green pants four times in my life, and you happen to be there for it, and so now I'm bumper green pants to you. Completely ignore the last 20 years of my life.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Porridge Pete actually held on to what he was doing when he was growing up, whereas you, bumper green pants, ain't never wear no green pants no more because you don't want to be known about the green pants.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    Topics: #identity #friendship #reputation #newyear #restaurants #nostalgia #self-improvement #socialperception

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh bumper podcast i am so tired i tell you what i am limping into this new year this year i am spent i am done with i am over it's so december is such a busy month i know it's a fun month you got a lot going on you got a lot you're doing a lot of stuff for people you're helping out you're doing this you're doing that you're over here you're over there you're moving you're shaking you're going to parties you're shaking hands you're kissing babies you're doing whatever you got to do but man it is unstoppable unflappable unrelenting is what it is uh but we made it i think you know it's a few days i guess to go maybe a day or two

    Aloysious J. Pig: but i'm i'm happy to uh hey hey bubs what's going on big hey buddy what are you doing i'm just hanging out what are you just complaining again a little bit a little going on with you i ain't nothing what are you always so upset about you always so Oh, I'm so tired. Oh, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I'm so popular. I got to go all the parties. Oh, I got to go shake hands and kiss babies. Come on, bro. Just be happy that, you know, people want you to come hang out and want to see you and stuff. That's a good thing.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's a good thing to be like you, bumper car. It's a good thing to do all the things that you, you know. I don't know the words to the song. I just made it up. Yeah, you just made it up. Okay, that's fine. I agree with you, pig. I am happy. I'm so happy. I have a great life. I'm thrilled. But I do, I get sleepy, sleepy tired. And here's what happens. I get super excited about this, that, and this, and that, and those, and this, and this, and that. And then I spread myself too thin, and then I get wah, wah, wah. And that's, you know, that's a good problem to have, that I'm so busy that I'm getting worn out. So if it sounds like I'm complaining. Which I'm sure it did sound like I was complaining because I was kind of. You were definitely complaining a little bit. Yes. That's what you do. I was kind of complaining. That's fine. Then I'm sorry. No. I apologize. That's a thank you. I shouldn't be complaining. I'm living the dream. I'm living the life. The dream, buddy. And I'm happy as a clam. I hope you're good. I'm so good. You never tell me about yourself, guys. You don't ask. And girls, and people, and whatnot. How are you doing? For a second, I thought. You're not answering. Oh, I thought you were talking to me, but then I realized, oh, you're talking to the bumper cop, papa. Buccateers. Yeah, that thing. Yeah. But it's fun. You can ask me how I'm doing, too. Pig, how are you? Oh, thank you. Yeah, of course.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I actually am doing, you know.

    Natty Bumpercar: You just kind of trailed off like you don't know what I'm doing. No, it's because I get self-conscious. Here's my thing. You like to complain a lot. That's like your thing. What I like to do is I like to keep things close to the vest. I like to keep the cards to the table. I like to keep everything that's going on internally, internal, if you know what I'm saying. And why is that? Because I get nervous. You know, I don't want people to, I had this problem with my friends, right, where I used to complain a lot, and then they just, they would take me there. They'd be like, oh, here comes the pig. He's going to complain. And then they put me over on that shelf, and I never got out of it, which is kind of sad because I want my friends to be like, oh, no, here comes the pig. Watch out, guys. It sounds like a party's about to start. It sounds like a party's about to start up in here. It sounds like a party's about to start up in here. Party up in here. We're pig. Party up in here. Well, but I think once you muddy those waters, it gets, people are like, oh, that's a dude who complains a lot, you know? And even if it ain't your fault, even if you're going through stuff and you're like, oh, you guys are my friends. I'm going to talk to you about this stuff. Then sometimes, sometimes that's just what happens. You end up dumping a lot of negative stuff on your friends, and then they're like, oh, well, here comes Mr. Negative Pig, and then womp, womp, there you go. It's a weird thing. Friendships are weird. I'm not going to lie to you. Not even friendship, but relationships in the whole wide world. For instance, I got this one place I go to for slop, right? The best slop in the whole town, the whole city, the whole state, maybe the whole coast. And I was going there for a while, and then the people started to recognize me, and a couple of times. A couple of times. I was down and out. I made a mess on the table, and all of a sudden, they're not as nice to me, because they're like, oh, here comes that messy pig. And I'm like, bro, I'm a pig. That's what I do. You run a slop restaurant, guess what's going to happen? It's going to get a bit messy, you know? So it's totally cool, though, man, because what you do, you're not stuck to that narrative. You control your own narrative, right? So what you do is you got to go back in, you got to flip the script. You got to rewrite it a little bit. So now when I go into that restaurant, I go in with cleaner, and I actually clean my table like all serious business. Like, I got to make it sparkle, and I got to make it shine. So, you know, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. You do you. But you got to understand how you act and how the wow reacts to you. Yeah, okay. It's all intertwined. It's all connected. Pig. You understand? Yeah, I do. But that was really insightful and really deep. And I feel like even though you said you want to keep internal things internal, I feel like maybe you just opened up a little bit. Like, maybe you just told us a little bit about the inner workings of pig, which is pretty darn cool, if I do say so myself. And I totally agree with you, too. It's the type of thing where if you go back to your hometown on the holidays or whatever, and people, you know, you haven't been there in 10 years or whatever, but you're seeing people from high school or college or wherever, you know, from a long time ago, and they see you, and they're like, hey, what's up, bumper car green pants, because you wore green pants 20 years ago for four days or something like that, and then that's who you are to them. They're like, yeah, what's up, you remember, man, you used to wear green pants all the time. Oh, bro, your green pants. And you're like, cool. I wore green pants four times in my life, and you happen to be there for it, and so now I'm bumper green pants to you. No, that's great. Completely ignore the last 20 years of my life. That's fine. That makes a lot of sense. Let's just scoot it on back to where I wore green pants a couple of times. And it's weird, because that's the stuff that defines who you are, and it's kind of in your history and in your lineage, and it might have directed, like, maybe I don't wear green pants anymore because I wore it four times, and I got the nickname Natty Green Pants, so maybe, you know, that stuff is definitely important because it happened, but, you know, again, just kind of take that guy to the side and be like, that's hilarious. What's up, porridge Pete, or whatever, you know, because he ate porridge when he was in pre-K, and, you know, but then you're doing the same thing to him, so don't do that. Let's see. Let's think this through. Let's think this through. Let's, uh… What?

    Aloysious J. Pig: You went to school with Porridge Pete? Bro, he used to make the best porridge I ever had in my whole life.

    Natty Bumpercar: As a matter of fact, and this is a weird connection that you just did to what I just did, but Porridge Pete grew up to open a restaurant that sells slop. That's the restaurant that I was talking about just a minute ago. What? Mind blown. Totally blown. Porridge Pete married this girl named Sally. Right? And then Sally and Pete opened up a little bitty restaurant somewhere far away. It did so well that they franchised that out. Boom, bam, boom. Right? They got all this money, but that wasn't what his dream was. Porridge Pete opened up slop. It's called slop. And he makes all kinds of stuff, like porridge, like stew, like grits, like corn cob soup. Soup? Like, I'm talking, like, all this… All this stuff that's, you know, kind of sloppy meals, right? It's so weird. It's so crazy. So here's the thing. Porridge Pete actually held on to what he was doing when he was growing up, eating the porridge, making the porridge, whereas you, bumper green pants, ain't never wear no green pants no more because you don't want to be known about the green pants. It's weird. He let his history define him. You ran away from your history. You know what I'm thinking, bro? Yeah, that makes sense. Here's the thing. What's the thing? What's the thing? Here's the thing. What's the thing? Tell me what the thing is. Tell me what the thing is. Also, it's really weird and cool that you know Porridge Pete. Yeah, I know. We're going to go… That's cool, too. We're going to go to the mall. We're going to go to the green pants store. We're going to use your gift card that Santa Claus brought to you, and we're going to buy you… Are you ready for it? Are you ready for this? Are you ready for it? Are you ready for this? A whole stick of green pants. 2017 bumper green pants is making his re-arrival upon the scene. He's going to make it crystal clean. He's going to show everybody what he means. He's bumper green pants. He's bumper green pants. Everybody look. It's Natty Green Pants. Go. Natty Green Pants. Natty, Natty Green Pants. Go. Natty Green Pants. Here he comes, y'all. I like the song a lot. I don't like the idea so much. I've got plenty of pants. I do have a gift card, which is kind of cool. We can go to the mall. I'm fine with that. Does Slop… Do they have any locations in mall food courts? Yeah, I think they definitely do. They do. They've got little kiosks. Really? Yeah, you can go. You can get it. No, it sounds interesting to me. All the food that they serve, it sounds pretty darn fascinating. No, it's not interesting or fascinating. I would love to try it if you're willing to go to the mall with me. You're going to buy for me? You're going to buy me some, huh? Of course I'm buying. Perfect. I'm always buying. You're always buying because I'm always selling. No, you're buying because you've got the money bags, all right? Money bags in your green pants and whatnot. All right, let me get my stuff together. Let me make myself pretty because if I'm going out in public, I've got to be like that pig. People are like, oh my God, is that that pig? And I'm like, yeah, of course it is. Hey, what's going on, bro? Like that. Yeah, yeah, no, okay. Okay, you finish this up and I'm going to get ready. I'm going to call Petey Porridge also and I'm going to… Porridge Petey? Porridge Petey, yeah. And we're going to see if he can hook us up. Okay. Okay. Bye, everybody. 2017. You know what I mean? It's me, Aloysius. Hugs and hearts. Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. All right, good job. Thanks so much for hanging out, pig. You made me feel better. You actually made me feel a lot better about everything. And you know what? That's how I want to feel and that's how I want you to feel is better.

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  • Bumperpodcast #280 – Christmas Kid Excitement

    Bumperpodcast #280 – Christmas Kid Excitement

    The kids are excited to join the Bumperpodcast to talk about Christmas. Until they aren’t! Then Bumpercar takes over to round out the cheer!

    Did you have any cheer left? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this festive episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar sits down with two special young guests, Emerson and Oliver, to discuss all things Christmas. The energetic duo shares stories about their household elf named Elfie the Snow Monster, decorating their Christmas tree, and even performs an enthusiastic rendition of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." The conversation takes hilarious turns as the kids reveal what they want from Santa (a toy car and a toy dinosaur) and Natty reflects on the exhausting yet wonderful chaos of the holiday season. Between managing excited children, pondering why Santa always loses his toy sack in every Christmas special, and joking about a fictional sponsor called "Sack Finder," Natty delivers a charming and chaotic holiday episode that captures the true spirit of Christmas at Bumperpodcast headquarters.

    Memorable Quotes

    “This is the worst podcast ever… oh no you sound like my reviews on iTunes.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Never work with children or animals. Except do, because it's nice.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Every cartoon where Christmas is in danger of not happening, it's all because Santa has misplaced his sack.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #christmas #children #santaclaus #family #holidays #rudolph #elfontheshelf #singing

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh hi everybody it's me natty bumper car and i am sitting here with two of my favorite people in the whole entire world what is your name emerson and what is your name and what are we here to talk about today christmas we're here to talk about christmas that's right here you can listen into that one um so are we excited about christmas yeah do you guys think you're gonna get any presents for christmas yeah um has we had an elf in our house for like 25 days yeah what's

    Unknown: the elf's name oh um elfie the snow monster elfie the snow monster that's so scary yes you can put

    Natty Bumpercar: the headphones on okay guys now we're flying blind i don't have any uh way to monitor the sound i apologize so what has been your favorite part of the christmas season so far that's the only one snowy it's only snowed one little time though i know holly don't worry about the headphones all you're hearing is the same thing you're hearing out here the headphones are not exciting trust me yeah um they like to focus on the headphones sometimes when we should be focusing on christmas yeah let's focus on should we should we go get a tree today no we already have a tree we already have a tree in our house yes our elf is on it and oliver did you decorate the tree yeah what'd you put on it he broke some stuff uh-oh dun dun dun what he was kind of naughty oliver were you naughty this year yes ollie tell me tell me ollie how are you naughty because you're not naughty because you

    Unknown: were doing bad stuff mo mo mo emerson were you a little bit naughty too yeah did you have to go

    Natty Bumpercar: see the principal last week stop it let's stop last week but ollie i need you i need you to go

    Unknown: in out your Aw Roxo because he broke his stuff we're gonna have to give you a bad story oh how you are you gonna laugh all right when i'm in Algiers how thoughts do you have about it tag us on clapping your hand shows me a tie WEL Gateway that's the used car box in our home we're gonna saw try do something

    Natty Bumpercar: and you can dial I don't know why we're a little dizzy I care about irgendwie I think you're going to care over that

    Unknown: you for the big uh for the big you want to play you don't want to record we're gonna record some

    Natty Bumpercar: fun songs this is the worst podcast ever ollie this is the worst podcast ever but it was supposed to be oh no you sound like my reviews on itunes no this is supposed to be the best podcast ever hold on ollie stop yelling ollie i heard you had a special guest at your school did somebody come to your school one day who came to your school everybody came but didn't you have a special guest at your christmas party who came to your christmas party you know if you just nod they're not going to hear you something you don't remember who came didn't he have a red suit on and some bells or something who was it did santa claus come to your school and what did you guys do you sang songs that's well should we sing a song or two right now okay what song should we sing do you like rudolph the red-nosed reindeer you you can talk now i just want you to talk over him are you abstaining from talking now you guys are you guys are worked up this morning saw it you guys sing louder sing really loud sing as loud as you can one two three

    Unknown: yeah

    Natty Bumpercar: yeah

    Unknown: yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like light double oh love the other

    Natty Bumpercar: start laughing call him

    Unknown: she gets a smell uh uh killed

    Natty Bumpercar: that's not nice

    Unknown: until here

    Natty Bumpercar: you got stuff 다

    Unknown: All right. And they shouted out with glee. You're not, you're not. All right. And Rudolph,

    Natty Bumpercar: the red-nosed reindeer, he'll go down in history. That was very good, Ollie. Yeah, sure. Can I ask you real quick a couple questions? What do you think Santa's going to bring you for Christmas? Or what do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?

    Unknown: A toy car. A toy dino.

    Natty Bumpercar: A toy dino? That sounds kind of scary. It's not going to scare Santa Claus? Okay. Emerson, what do you want for Christmas? Nothing? You're going to be quiet? Oh, well, this didn't turn into the magical podcast that we were hoping it was going to turn into, did it?

    Unknown: Um, what do you want for Christmas? Eh, nothing?

    Natty Bumpercar: Nothing? I guess he doesn't want anything. Oh, well, this is going to be an easy year for Santa Claus, then.

    Unknown: Em.

    Natty Bumpercar: Emmy, Ollie's talking to you. If you don't want to talk to me, you want to talk to Ollie?

    Unknown: Em.

    Natty Bumpercar: Em. Okay. Emmy's going to go. Hold on. I got to, you guys are very difficult to hold on to. Here, give me the headphones. All right. Well, so that was the kids. They really didn't last very long. They were pretty excited about Christmas. They were pretty excited about podcasts. And then, oh, they're not. They're abstaining from their excitement for the podcast. So, that's how that works out. Oh, never work with children or animals. Except do, because it's nice. Uh, so, yeah, there's a lot of excitement here around headquarters. And, um, we have the, the tree is up. It's all decorated. The house is decorated. There's lights outside. There's, uh, bubbles and bits and bunions and doodads all over the place. Elfie the Snow Monster, this is his last night in the house. It's very depressing. It's very depressing. He's had quite the run this year. Elfie the Snow Monster, that's right. And, um, yeah, man. Whew. What an exhausting, what, it's the most fun time of the year, but it's also the most exhausting time of the year, because there's so much to do. There's so much you want to go to, like, there's, there's little parties. There's Christmas parties. There's, there's, uh, Hanukkah parties. We went to one. There's, I mean, there's so much going on. And, um, uh, and then there's a lot of, uh, there's a lot of work, because it seems like what happens with work is everyone kind of waits. I don't know, maybe after, like, they're like, oh, man, it's Thanksgiving. I'm just going to hang out and wait. And then Thanksgiving happens, and then they're like, oh, man, I'm going to hold out and wait for another week or so. And then, boom, out of nowhere, they're like, here's all the work in the world. You do it. And you're like, I don't want to do all the work in the world. And you're like, you're going to do all the work in the world. And then you're tired. I'm always tired, though. You know what I want in, uh, I want to do in my stocking. I want some, uh, vitamin B12. That's what I want. I think it's going to be a perfect present. Hey, Ollie, am I going to get anything in my stocking? What am I going to get in my stocking? Um, he's so far away from the microphone, so you're not going to hear him. Um, a telescope in my stocking? That sounds like the best I think ever. So I can see, wait, is that what telescopes are? They show you where stars are? What else show you? Um, where mountains are? Where mountains are? What about planets? Stars and planets and maybe even, I don't know, meteors and comets? Awesome. Can you, do you know the names of all the different reindeer? You know, Dasher and Dancer and Donner and Blitzen, Comet and Cupid and… Uh-oh. Donner and Blitzen. Oh, no! I got confused. But do you recall the most famous reindeer of them all? What's his name? That is his name! Which is kind of rough for the other reindeer, because they had this young Turk of a reindeer just show up on the scene and just because he has a red shiny nose, all of a sudden he's everybody's favorite. How do you think Donner feels about that? How do you think Blitzen feels about that? Do you think they like him? I do too. I think everybody probably loves him. Everybody loves Rudolph, because he, you know, he brings a little something to the table. A little something extra. A little something red, if you will. Uh, we were watching a Christmas special this morning and I can't remember, it was Winnie the Pooh, but here's what happens. Guess what happens? Santa loses his toy sack. It happens all the time. Paw Patrol. Santa's lost his sack. This sack gone. Every, every cartoon I feel like that I see where Christmas is in danger of not happening. It's all because Santa has misplaced his sack. Uh, and so that's where we bring up our first sponsor, ladies and gentlemen. Uh, it's, what is all this? I'm getting all kinds of messages. Buzz, buzz, buzz, boom. Uh, Sack Finder. Uh, you just put this, uh, this Bluetooth device onto your Christmas sack and then you can track it from this app in your phone. So if you are constantly losing your bag, please use Sack Finder. Okay, so that's our first sponsor we've ever had. It's very exciting. We're gonna start paying for things. It's not true. None of it's true. But yeah, I, uh, I was like, oh, this is the running through line in all of the, uh, the Santa stories. It's that he loses the magic bag. The magic bag that has all the toys in it so he can't then deliver them to all the girls and boys. Santa, keep track of the, like, maybe it should be in a case where you just open it Christmas Eve. Sir, what do you need? Somebody's saying something to me. I think someone's lost or trapped. I'm over here, buddy. You can come to me and I'll, I'll be, I'll be done in just a second, I swear. Uh, anyway, from all of us here in headquarters to all of you, merriest of Merry Christmases. Yeah, Merry Christmas. Uh, Merry Christmas to all of you. Merry

    Unknown: Christmas, everybody. Enjoy your Christmas.

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