Tag: comedy podcast

  • Bumperpodcast #289

    Bumperpodcast #289

    Bumpercar talks about shows and opportunities and stretching thin and stuff on this week’s episode …

    Do you stretch? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

     

    About This Episode

    In episode 289 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar returns solo after the popular Ollie episode to share tales from a wild comedy weekend. After accidentally putting flour in his tea instead of sugar, Natty recounts performing three shows in three days, including hosting at Pennsylvania's oldest operating movie theater and bombing at a show with only three people in the audience. He celebrates finally connecting jokes that have been in his act for years and discusses exciting opportunities to develop kids' shows, though he's struggling to learn guitar for the performances. Natty hilariously wrestles with balancing family life, show business, and whether his multiple creative pursuits are spreading him too thin.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Let me be the tester, let me take the heat, let me take the bad stuff and you stay away from it. You don't need that flour tea at all.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “There were three people in the crowd and I'm like, is it a good dream? And I'm like, I don't know. Yes it is a good dream, you know why? Because I get to talk and make people giggle giggle giggle.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I've been trying to figure out how to play guitar for decades. I can't even say the word 'guitar' – that's how bad off I am.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #comedy #stand-upcomedy #performing #kidsshows #guitar #work-lifebalance #parenting #theater

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: good morning bumper podcast that was so fresh and happy and energetic good morning it might not be morning where you're listening i don't know hey good day to you bump good evening to you this is hard this is harder than i expected it was gonna be good good good good times do you bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and it's the bumper podcast and hooray for that unfortunately there's no ollie here today because everybody loved the ollie episode episode they're like oh give me more of that ollie give me why isn't he there every week i wish it was the ollie podcast well it's not it's still the bumper podcast and i'm natty bumper car and today today i was making some tea some lovely tea and uh the containers were switched and i accidentally put two scoops of uh of flour uh all-purpose flour ap flour they call it into my tea two scoops and uh instead of sugar and no no no no nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope not good i mean i didn't taste it i mean i knew immediately like the second i was like and i looked at i was just like like for a tenth of a second in my brain i was just like maybe it's powdered sugar maybe i've maybe i've invented some sort of powdered sugar tea thing because it's weird powdered sugar to me does taste different than sugar sugar how can sugar taste different it's all the same thing how can potato chips taste so different from mashed potatoes i don't understand oh what's that potatoes on grass oh that tastes totally different than my french fries my friend what about those pierogies or those latkes huh potato pancakes oh well those taste totally different than my uh my uh hischbruns i couldn't think of any other potatoes no but so uh yeah it it it just tastes like flour tea it's just it's not it's bad don't do it don't make that mistake let me make bumper podcast here's the thing i feel like we've been friends for a long time and i feel like i share and i feel like you know you listen which i appreciate and uh here's the thing let me be the uh the tester let me you know take take the heat let me take you know the bad stuff and you you stay away from it you don't need that you don't need it at all just let me you know do it and then complain about it and then it's a shared experience and you can go and you can talk to your friends and you can be like bro i totally blur blur blur like that um and then you don't have to worry about it so good good made your life easier that's what i'm doing that's what we're here for to do for do that's what we're here for do we're here to make your life for easier i um i had such a great weekend man i had man i did uh i had i had show friday and uh it was at a hotel like in a room and like 70 people it was just it was good it was fun and then the very next night um i opened i was uh but i was hosting at a theater in pennsylvania and it was like this old theater uh someone told me it was the oldest operating movie theater in the country it's called the new town theater and there's like i don't know the seats 320 and i think we had around 270 to 300 something like that i don't really know um and i mean it was it was great i don't get to do a lot of theaters and so it's a totally different experience like you go on stage and you're i don't know 10 12 whatever feet away from the crowd and you're elevated and the lighting is different and the sound is different and sometimes it's it's hard to hear them uh the the laughs come in if there are any which unfortunately yes fortunately uh there were there were laughs thanks for laughing uh and then um you know it was just it was a great night the rough part it was about an hour and a half away uh so to get there was i was just like oh tired and then you got to go up and do a show and then you got to drive home and it's late like i pretty i think i got home at around two and then uh i think i slept until like six so that's a big four hours of sleep for you and the night before uh i think the kids had gotten up at like 5 20 or something like that why uh and then sunday night had another show so it's three in a row boom bam boom and uh sunday night no it didn't work out so well there were three people in the crowd three people there was talks of uh the show but that's hard to do because all the comedians have come out you know and those three people are there um and so we kind of just turned into a loosey-goosey open mic-y type thing and had fun with it and then two people showed up like halfway through the show and watched um but you know you have good things you have bad things you know things happen it's it's all good fun it's all good times and you know everybody needs a stage time everybody looking at me needs the stage time so it's good to uh to get up there and bibble babble oh and this so uh at the uh the saturday show uh i had done a bit so so i was doing i was hosting so i was up front and then i was in between the comics and so and in between a lot of people got up to go use the restroom or whatever and so i had to um kind of stall for time a little bit to make sure they could all get back and sit down before the headliners start right makes sense so i did some stuff up front and then when i hit the middle i found connective tissue between what i was doing in the middle and the stuff that i had done up front so i could call back to it and i was so happy because i've been doing these jokes for a long time and it's just weird like for they just had never connected and then on this night it was like boom so then sunday uh i think i did i only did like four minutes because i wanted to get up and see if if it worked together and i wish i could i wish i could remember what it was uh but you know so i just quick ran through the setup and then uh the initial part and then went to the second secondary part and then did the little connection and i was like oh i'm so happy it works of course the three people in the crowd were like does it work though and i'm like i don't know they're like this is your dream and i'm like sure this is my dream they're like is it a good dream and i'm like i don't know yes it is a good dream you know why because i get to talk and i get to talk and i get to talk and i get to talk and i get to make people giggle i make them giggle i make them giggle giggle what i make them giggle like it i giggle giggle and the cool thing is lately i've had several people come to me and talk to me about doing kid shows hey maybe you want to do a kid show here hey do you want to do a kid show here and i've done a few kid shows and um in the past but they're talking about like hey it's going to be your show you're going to be the main guy you're going to be the headline or whatever which i don't know if there's a headliner in kids shows i'll take it sure i don't know if it is uh and and so what i gotta do now is develop specific material for a kid show because i i tried some of my normal stuff and it doesn't always work and so i've been trying to learn how to play the guitar i have my guitar and i've been pulling it out and trying to and it's hard i'm not i don't know why ever since college i've had guitars and i've tried to figure them out and i think it's not a figuring out thing it's just a matter of um actually working on it and i've been trying to figure out how to play the guitar and i've been working with it a lot and i've got like i think my fingers are too big or my guitar is too small like i've got it's it's kind of a tiny guitar i can't oh it's upstairs i was gonna tell you what it was and i love how it looks and it's so fun and cute but i think it might be too tiny for me and all the guitar lessons that i look at online the uh there's like a little circle thing that they're using as a uh visual point to a reference point and it's just mine's in a different place and i don't know what to do i don't know i feel like if i uh sat down with somebody who can play and they showed me things then maybe i could figure it out but it's not true i mean i've really for a long time decades been trying to figure out how to play good car good car i can't even say the word that's how bad off i am good car um but i want to so i want to have songs and i want to have visual stuff and like figure out little games because with kids you can't just tell jokes because they're going to be like nope sucker so i need to figure out how to play guitar and i've been trying to figure out how to play guitar now we're doing this now we're doing this and still have it be quick and moving and keep them engaged and here we go over here and now we're over here and now this thing is happening now that thing is happening oh now there's pig and everything oh and now we're singing a song um and i think it'll be great and i think it'll be great fun the only downside the thing that freaks me out is the kid shows are going to be during the day during the day on weekends um i'm pretty busy on weekends you know why because i've got kids okay i've got two kids i don't know if we have them before if i've ever mentioned them but i do i have kids and um so that'll be a bit more juggling um but then i was thinking about it and i was like oh well maybe you know they're getting a little bit older maybe they can come and help out or something and i can quote them a couple bucks but then i was just like oh i don't want them to get involved with show business ah so it's kind of a up and down debate so what i've decided to do Come back after a 10-year hiatus. The cartoonist, animator, that guy's going to be here. The writer, that one's going to be there as well. And, you know, probably the one who goes to the gym so he can look fit, so he can look good. You know what I'm saying? And then there's the one who cooks a lot, like a good cook, cooker. And there's the baker. There's a lot of bumper cars is what I'm saying. That's a lot of stuff. I don't even know if that's a lot. I mean, it feels like a lot of stuff. Is that too much stuff? Am I stretching myself too thin? Is that the whole point of everything?

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  • Bumperpodcast #288 – Dinos & Animals

    Bumperpodcast #288 – Dinos & Animals

    Today, we have one of our favorite guests on the show to talk about dinosaurs, and animals. It’s more fun than it should be on today’s Bumperpodcast!

    Do you listen? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this heartwarming episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is joined by a special guest, Oliver, who's home sick from school with wobbly legs and a cough. The two dive into an adorable discussion about dinosaurs, covering sauropods, theropods, and omnivores while trying to remember which creatures eat what. They also chat about Oliver's recent dentist visit where he learned he has forty teeth, and transition into talking about meat-eating and plant-eating animals from lions to giraffes. The episode concludes with Oliver performing an impromptu song about all his favorite things, from dinosaurs to family members, making this a sweet and silly departure from the show's usual puppet-driven format.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I didn't know I had a million teeth! Oh, he said ten teeth on the hair and ten teeth on here.”

    — Oliver

    “Don't spit on my microphone with your little sick spit, and don't touch your mouth with your sick germs. Keep your germs away from me! Daddy's got shows this weekend!”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “That means I'm an omnivore. Yeah, because I eat anything.”

    — Oliver

    Topics: #dinosaurs #animals #family #children #education #beingsick #dentist

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh hey Bumper Podcast, it's me Natty Bumper Car and today I've got a little friend. Who is it?

    Unknown: Oliver.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oliver, why are you here? What's going on?

    Unknown: I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why are you at home today?

    Unknown: Because I don't have school.

    Natty Bumpercar: But I think you do have school. I don't have school because my head will hurt. Your head was hurting? Yeah. And what happened when you were going down the stairs? What happened to your legs?

    Unknown: They were wobbly.

    Natty Bumpercar: You had wobbly legs? Oh no! That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Do you feel better now?

    Unknown: Yeah!

    Natty Bumpercar: That makes me happy. You slept a lot today. Uh oh. You have a big cough too, right?

    Unknown: I know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Why do you keep coughing? All the time.

    Unknown: I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, do you think you keep coughing because you're a frog?

    Unknown: Wah!

    Natty Bumpercar: Because if you're a frog, I need to know right now, my friend. Wah! Okay, you're not a frog. Hey Ollie, so when you were sleeping today, did you have any dreams or anything? Yeah! What did you dream about? I don't know! Secret dreams? No! You don't have to yell. You don't have to yell because people can hear you. Were they… Silly dreams, or funny dreams, or scary dreams?

    Unknown: They're not scary dreams.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Unknown: I'm scared of scary dreams!

    Natty Bumpercar: You're scared of scary dreams? Okay, I didn't know that. Let's stop touching everything, all right? Let's put our hands on our knees. That's good. We can hear you breathing. Breathing and coughing. That's going to be the name of this podcast. Breathing and coughing. And breathing and coughing. Breathing and coughing. Breathing and coughing. Ah. Um, so Ollie, what did you do this week that was fun? Did you go somewhere and lay down on a chair and they… I did…

    Unknown: Wait a minute.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait a minute. Where did you go this week?

    Unknown: Uh, nowhere!

    Natty Bumpercar: Your brother was there too? He was in a different room?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Where'd you go?

    Unknown: We don't know. I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: And then afterwards they gave you a prize?

    Unknown: What is that?

    Natty Bumpercar: You're like a goldfish. You have no memory. This was…

    Unknown: Is that the dentist?

    Natty Bumpercar: That's it. You went to the dentist. Was it fun?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: What did you do there? Did they look at your teeth? Did they count your teeth? Yeah. How many teeth did you have?

    Unknown: A million? Oh, he said ten teeth on the hair and ten teeth on here.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, so you had ten teeth on that side. So you had twenty teeth? Ten. But ten on this side on the bottom. Ten on this side on the bottom. Ten on this side on the top. Ten on the bottom. 10 on the top, 10 on that side on the top, so that's 10, 20, 30, 40!

    Unknown: Oh, yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yep, yep.

    Unknown: I didn't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: And did they ask you any questions, like how many times did you brush your teeth?

    Unknown: Yep.

    Natty Bumpercar: And what did you say? Uh… You said twice, I think you said. But you don't. You actually only brush them once. Dirty little secret. But we need to start brushing them twice, right? Don't spit on my microphone with your little sick spit, and don't touch your mouth with your sick germs. Keep your germs away from me! Daddy's got shows this weekend! Bum, bum, bum. Hey, what is your, um, you want to talk about dinosaurs?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Dinosaurs or animals, what do you think is a better thing to talk about?

    Unknown: Dinosaurs.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, of course.

    Unknown: I don't know what all the dinosaurs are. Let's do them.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Uh, what is a sauropod?

    Unknown: Uh, stegosaurus?

    Natty Bumpercar: Stegosaurus is, isn't a sauropod the one that, that are on two feet? Yeah. Didn't we figure that out? Oh, T-Rex! T-Rex is, is a sauropod.

    Unknown: And Spinosaurus!

    Natty Bumpercar: Spinosaurus is a, I hope we're doing this right. I think a Spinosaurus, if, if, if two feet is a sauropod, then Spinosaurus. Spinosaurus is a sauropod. Yeah, he walks on two legs.

    Unknown: What about, uh, what's another one?

    Natty Bumpercar: Dimetrodon eats meat because he walks on four legs. Wait, Dimetrodon?

    Unknown: Yeah. Does he eat meat? Yeah, because he walks on four legs. But if he walks on four legs, isn't he a theropod and doesn't he not eat meat?

    Natty Bumpercar: I thought most theropods were plant eaters. Some theropods eat meat.

    Unknown: Oh. So if they eat meat, what kind of, what are they?

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh, are they omnivores? They're omnivores. They're omnivores. They're omnivores. Okay, so what kind of omnivores are they? They're omnivores. They're omnivores.

    Unknown: They're omnivores. They're omnivores. Are they? A troodon is an omnivore.

    Natty Bumpercar: A troodon is? Yeah. He's also the smartest dinosaur. Right? Yep.

    Unknown: That's what the book said. Do we read a lot of books about dinosaurs?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Unknown: Uh, what are the kind that fly? I can't think of that. Uh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

    Unknown: Uh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

    Unknown: Uh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

    Unknown: Paracelophilus. Paracelophilus?

    Natty Bumpercar: Paracelophilus? Yeah. Is he a… Yeah, he's a plant eater. What is a distinguishing feature of a Paracelophilus? Like, what is something different about him? It's on his head.

    Unknown: He has a crest.

    Natty Bumpercar: He has a crest or does he have a horn?

    Unknown: Crest.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, he has a crest. Okay. And I thought, but isn't he the one who can make noises with the thing on his head?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Are there any… So let's say you talk about meat eaters. We talked about… Plant eaters. Are there any other kinds of dinosaurs? Yeah. What kind?

    Unknown: Swimming creatures.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, swimming creatures.

    Unknown: I know what it is. A plesiosaurs.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, I like plesiosaurs. What do the swimming creatures eat?

    Unknown: Fish.

    Natty Bumpercar: They eat fish? Okay. You know, I don't like fish.

    Unknown: A dinosuchus?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, wait. What is a dinosuchus? You saw that on your show.

    Unknown: It's a crocodile. It's a big, big crocodile.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it is? It sounds kind of scary.

    Unknown: Fish sticks or fish?

    Natty Bumpercar: Fish sticks or fish. Yeah. So a dinosuchus… I like to eat it. You like… You love fish sticks, don't you? Maybe for dinner we'll have some fish sticks.

    Unknown: Whether it be… Not chicken ones. I don't like the chicken ones.

    Natty Bumpercar: You don't like the chicken sticks? You like fish sticks?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's good to know. So does that mean you're a sea dinosaur? A water dinosaur?

    Unknown: I eat chicken nuggets or meat. And broccoli. Broccoli and peas?

    Natty Bumpercar: Broccoli and peas are your favorite vegetables.

    Unknown: Plants. Okay. That means I'm an omnivore.

    Natty Bumpercar: You're an omnivore?

    Unknown: Yeah, because I eat anything.

    Natty Bumpercar: You know what else is an omnivore? What? A wolf.

    Unknown: Why?

    Natty Bumpercar: Because they eat anything they can get their hands on. I think wolves are. And bears are, too. Right?

    Unknown: They both eat meat.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, but they eat meat, but they'll eat… Bears will eat berries and stuff, too. And I think maybe roots and whatnot. Fish! They'll eat fish. I think they'll eat fish. They love salmon. They'll catch salmon right out of the river.

    Unknown: And we like some… I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: But do you think…

    Unknown: Let's talk about animals now.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you want to talk about animals now? You're really driving the show. This is great.

    Unknown: Let's talk about meat eaters.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, we're back to meat eaters.

    Unknown: Lions!

    Natty Bumpercar: Lions are meat eaters. What about hyenas?

    Unknown: Yep.

    Natty Bumpercar: What about… Is a zebra a meat eater?

    Unknown: No. No, it's a plant eater.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's a plant eater.

    Unknown: And a tiger.

    Natty Bumpercar: Tiger is a meat eater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about an eagle?

    Unknown: Fish eater.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fish eater. Womp, womp.

    Unknown: That's all the meat eaters.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's all of them? There's got to be more than that.

    Unknown: I think there's one that I know.

    Natty Bumpercar: What about Irving Brownsox? Is he a meat eater?

    Unknown: He's a dog eater.

    Natty Bumpercar: Ew! He's not a… He is a dog. He's not a dog eater. Come on.

    Unknown: Socks is our pet.

    Natty Bumpercar: Socks is our pet. You're right. You're so right. How could I ever forget that? Oh my goodness.

    Unknown: Now let's talk about plant eaters.

    Natty Bumpercar: Plant eaters. Where my plant eaters at? Whoop, whoop, whoop. What's a plant eater?

    Unknown: A zebra.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, and what about a giraffe?

    Unknown: Yeah!

    Natty Bumpercar: Did you know that giraffe's necks are so long?

    Unknown: Yeah. With the blackish horses.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you're very right. We're bringing it back around to dinosaurs. You're really good at this, Oliver. I had no idea. You're better at it than I am. Normally I just get on here and say a lot of junk for ten minutes. Do you think we should go pretty soon?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, we've got to go. Where are we going to go? What do we got to do? We got some errands? We got to go pick up some garbage?

    Unknown: No.

    Natty Bumpercar: What are we going to go pick up?

    Unknown: Emerson.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. Oh, we got to go pick Emerson up. That's right. Because he went to school today. You've been out of school. You were out of school yesterday. You're out of school today. You're probably, I don't even know. We're going to see about tomorrow. Because you are not getting much better. But you say you're feeling better. You just had that little fever yesterday.

    Unknown: Now can we go back upstairs, please?

    Natty Bumpercar: Before we go upstairs, can you sing me a quick song?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, let's hold on. Let's think about it. Do you want to hear a song?

    Unknown: Yeah. It was all my favorite.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, do that one. One, two, three, go.

    Unknown: It was all my favorite. It was all my favorite. It's all the dinosaurs. It's all the farm animals. It's all the jellyfish. It's all the fishies. It's all the whales. It's all the polar bears. It's all the… Oh. Oh.

    Natty Bumpercar: Mommy and Daddy.

    Unknown: It's both an hours. It's Mommy and Daddy and Saxton.

    Natty Bumpercar: And Emerson.

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: And Gigi and Pop-Pop?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: And Keegan and Kam?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Hooray. I love you, buddy.

    Unknown: Okay. Let's go.

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  • Bumperpodcast #287 – Friends

    Bumperpodcast #287 – Friends

    Natty talks through a series of strings and tangents about best friends, social structures, talking to people, being nice, trying, and riding a bike on this weeks Bumperpodcast.

    Do you like strings? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In Bumperpodcast episode 287, Natty Bumpercar explores the complexities of friendship and communication in this heartfelt solo episode. Natty reflects on the meaning of best friendship with listeners, shares observations about his kid navigating the social dynamics of 'best friend' labels at school, and discusses the importance of treating everyone equally regardless of their position. The episode touches on workplace communication, the value of bringing diverse perspectives together, and the challenges of modern social interactions. Natty wraps up with a sweet story about teaching his son Ollie to ride a bicycle, emphasizing the importance of moving forward both literally and metaphorically.

    Memorable Quotes

    “More friends is better more friends is more gooder that's what i always say”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “If you're looking at a house and you can't get in and you're staring at the front all the windows are locked, you might not realize that the back door is open and you can just walk right in and that's where the party is”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I want the whole world to pedal forward pedal forward”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #friendship #parenting #communication #schoolsocialdynamics #workplaceculture #childhooddevelopment #bicycles

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast it's me natty but it's your best friend i don't even have to say my name you know it is you're my i mean you're my best friend so you're i'm your best you know what we are best friends together and that's and hooray for that hooray for having best friends uh i can rely on you i can count on you you're gonna pick me up when i'm down vice versa if i got a couch that needs to be moved then you're you're gonna you probably come help me move it you know and and i'm gonna what what's that you need help building that fence i'm coming over to help you build that fence let's barbecue together let's you know what sure we'll go to brunch of course i love brunch just not i mean because it's not too early here's the problem with brunch though is the kids are already gonna have been up for like six hours at that point so it's really lunch for us i mean it's breakfast i know but we're not rolling out of bed at 10 and meeting you at the restaurant we've we've already been out of bed for a long time but you know what that's fine we're still best friends me and you uh i love having best friend uh it's fun it's good fun my uh my kid is going through this thing at school where it's uh everyone's labeling each other as best friends oh hey that guy's your best friend i don't want to be and then they get sad because if one person is one person's best friend then obviously they can't be best friends with the other person and so it becomes this like uh um not animal farm but that book uh lord of the flies it's not really like that but it where it's just like you know oh you're best friends with that dude and he's like i thought we were best friends and he's like no i'm now best friends with that dude and so there's a lot of weird social things that are going on and i'm like oh my god i'm not at school which is great because you know as if we don't have enough going on in life now we're dealing with weird social stigmas and social norms and social structures ah and uh the other thing too is it's a fun moving target so you know like on one day you're this person's best friend by the end of the day you might have switched best friends two or three times so and i don't know literally they're standing in line and they're just like blink funny and they're like now i'm her best friend or what um i don't know but i know it causes stress because he's like i thought you know that we were best friends and now i'm best friends with and it's just like bro relax it's okay and we're gonna try to tell him like listen if uh somebody's you know not not just the best stuff but if somebody's not being nice to you one day there's a lot of other people in your class that you like that you're friends with go play with those other people it's fun it's good if you know like spread yourself out hit a lot of bases make sure you're friends with as many people as you can be friends with because more friends is better more friends is more gooder that's what i always say uh but even with that being said we're good right you and me bumper podcast we're still besties right bffs best friends for life forever forever right i had somebody once uh i forget what it was it was a situation i didn't want to be in and uh it was uh i was introduced to some people who i really had not much interest in meeting and uh one of them kind of cornered me and he goes we've been waiting to meet you for a long time now that we got you you ain't never getting away from us again like that and in my head it was like all sorts of warning lights and sirens going off and i was just like oh my friend you'll never be seeing me again and they didn't they didn't ever see me again uh if i'm to be honest um yeah it's weird like people don't people have a hard time talking to people and dealing with people have you noticed that in this world like uh for me i love communication i'm all about communication i'm all about communication i'm all about communication about it let's hey the open lines of communication uh but so the difficult thing with that is you're you're worrying about people's self-esteem people's egos and so you have to consider what you're saying which is fine because you want to be considerate right you were in a society and so you want to be considerate of other other people's emotions and how they feel about things and how things are going to affect them the things you're going to say right so it makes sense that you have to uh not censor the stuff that you're saying a little bit here and there but that you at least have to think about oh my gosh what i have to think about the things i'm saying yes come on come on that's obvious think about what you're going to say to people and then go up to them and have a conversation and treat them pull them you know let's let's all be on the same level and let's all have a conversation i have a hard time with uh institutionalized structures so what that means is like i always had a hard time in school where there was uh you know there's people who were over you there's there's a principal there's a teacher and they're in positions of power even nowadays i have sometimes problem with position people in positions of power uh because it's always been my thinking that hey let's if we have an issue let's lay it on the table and let's hash it out let's figure it out let's get to the bottom of it let's work together let's use you know constructive criticism i'm all about it and let's uh let's figure out what's going on let's work together i love working together that's at work that's what i do i like to facilitate people working together at my job like i try to pull people in from different departments people who don't talk as much all the time and because if you get different people from uh different backgrounds and with different viewpoints then that's going to broaden the information pool and you're going to lead that's going to lead you to potentially better solutions because if you're only looking at a problem in one way then you might not crack it you might not see if you're looking at a house and you can't get in and you're staring at it you're looking at the front all the windows are locked the door is locked you don't have a key you might not realize that the back door you know is open and you can just walk right in and that's where the party is um and so i try to do that in as many aspects of my life as i can i like and i always i get in trouble because i'm like let's just talk to me like a human and that's that's not a nice thing to say either and i understand that um but it's true like you know you came from a different background that i came from but we should and i you know you do this with people i try to talk to kids this way i try to talk to anyone that i'm dealing with at a store or at a gas station like anyone you're talking to i try to talk to my boss this way which gets me in trouble sometimes i um ah here's a sorry about that here's a crazy uh boss story this happened to me the other day i wasn't even thinking i was on a uh i was on a conference call and uh so there was something was being mentioned and there was somebody who wasn't on the call and i uh went and i called that person and i was just like hey just so you know they're talking about your thing and uh he just mentioned this so there was nothing nothing bad i mean i didn't say anything bad i wasn't like man this this guy whoa what did he what is he thinking he said oh this guy but as it turned out the uh the conference call had not muted me uh and there was no way to mute myself and so then i found out that they in fact had heard my conversation and i i mean pit in my stomach ice in my veins because i was going through and parsing every word that i had said just to make sure that there wasn't any any way that anything that i had said could be misconstrued whatever i was just like oh bad and then i was just like did i say anything how did i say anything weird and i couldn't remember but i eventually uh after deep hypnosis and therapy i figured out that i didn't really say anything oh thank goodness for that and but the point of that is is uh just don't say things bad about people and you'll be okay and i don't always follow that i try to follow that but it's a hard thing to follow sometimes try to be as nice to everybody as you can because you know and i uh i like to say we're all in this together but i don't know current times i i feel like maybe we're not all in this together but i feel a lot of people are in this together uh looking for progress looking for you know hopeful change uh for the better uh not change for the individual's sake but change for everyone's sake and i that's how i feel like it should be now that i have kids i want the whole world to be a good place i want the whole world to be a happy place and sometimes i feel like uh people chasing that almighty dollar might not be making have their focus on making the world a better place um but i don't know man i just don't know you know it's a crazy world out there so tell me about yourself i've been babbling for a long time here uh friend oh what are you doing you're going you're going you're going to enjoy it the nice weather this weekend you're going to go out and play we've been going to the park ah ollie rode a bicycle for the first time last week at the park uh we had we got him a bike for his birthday and put some air in the tires and was on a scooter ollie was on the bike just pedaling and getting furious because it's hard to explain to a kid pedal forward pedal forward that means you're going forward if you push back that means you put the brakes on what are brakes brakes i don't want to stop okay exactly so pedal forward pedal forward and that's what i want the world to do too i want it to pedal forward pedal forward

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  • Bumperpodcast #286 – Selling Cars

    Bumperpodcast #286 – Selling Cars

    Rufus T. Rufus is back, and selling blue cars? Meanwhile, Bumpercar jibber-jabbers!

    Do you like blue?

    Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. 

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In episode 286 of Bumperpodcast, Rufus T. Rufus attempts to sell used blue cars as podcast sponsorships while host Natty Bumpercar is away. Natty returns to discover Rufus's car sales scheme and shares his obsession with blue cars versus his current green vehicle. The episode takes a personal turn as Natty recounts a chaotic week of illness, snow days with his kids, sledding adventures, and the challenges of parenting exhausted children. He also discusses his recent comedy shows including performances at an American Legion and a club audition in the city. The episode captures the show's signature blend of puppet humor and real-life parenting struggles.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Every day I wake up, and I look at the green car, and I'm like, oh, you're not a blue car. Not a blue car. Not a blue car. And it's caused me to have a very difficult time to make an emotional connection to this car.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You can't be alone when there's two you can be alone when you're by yourself and he was like no that's his debating technique no and I was just like ah foiled again.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Act quickly. Act now. Act right. Act tight. I'm Rufus T. Rufus, and I am selling you cars.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    Topics: #parenting #snow #cars #comedy #entrepreneurship #winter #familylife #exhaustion

    Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Rufus T. Rufus: world where will it isn't rufus d rufus and as i see it nobody using this podcast for nothing and so what i've done is i've gone out and i have sold us some sponsorships to bring some money into my wallet of course into the piggy bank for everybody as well you're gonna get your cut but uh we are gonna be selling used vehicles here uh since bumper car ain't been making no bumper podcast i figured i would slide in and take opportunity of the opportunity if you understand what i'm saying so with that being said who is in the market for a two thousand uh i don't even know a blue car who who would like a car from the year 2000 it's it's it's i can make a very good deal on it i've got four of them what different shades of blue one is more of an aquamarine one is more of a i don't know a tear course i suppose so go come and get those let me know in the comments hey rufus what are you doing oh rufus well Hello there, bumper, bumper, bumper car. How you doing today?

    Natty Bumpercar: I'm fine, but did I just hear you selling cars on the bumper podcast? Because I kind of need a car, and I like blue cars. Normally, I would get really upset with you and yell at you or whatever. Hey, what are you doing here? But, you know, I have a weak spot for blue cars. My other car is a blue car, and then when we got a new car, I wanted the blue car, but they didn't have any blue ones, and so it was going to be three weeks, and we didn't have three weeks to wait, and so we got a green car, and every day I wake up, and I look at the green car, and I'm like, oh, you're not a blue car. Not a blue car. Not a blue car. And it's caused me to have a very difficult time to make an emotional connection to this car. Is that weird? Yeah, it's a little strange. I don't know. You tell me.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Well, it's completely understandable, because as your listeners have heard, I have four blue cars. What's that? We have three. Now, we have sold one. We have four. We have four blue cars left. Three, excuse me. I get excited. So, if you want to get in on this deal, you got to get in while you can. The turquoise one is gone. That's the one. They said that's high on the market, and that's what people want to buy. And so somebody slipped in and took it away from me.

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, I don't even… That's fine with me, because I don't care about turquoise. I mean, I got like blue, blue. Like a navy blue. Like a midnight blue. Like, it's like blue. Like, I like turquoise to me. Not blue. Kind of islandy. Which is fine if you're from an island, but I just want… I want to pick out the crayon in the box, and I want it to say blue. Not teal, not turquoise, not blue-green, not green-blue. Okay. Just blue.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Well, it just so happens that in this series of cars that I have here to sell, that there are now three, and two of them are what I would define as blue. As plain old blue, as you call it. As blue as the night sky and the sweetest of months. And the sweetest… So, with that being said…

    Natty Bumpercar: What's the sweetest of months mean? I don't understand. You confuse me. Listen, here's what we're going to do. Here. Because I do have to record an actual bumper podcast now. I understand, I understand.

    Rufus T. Rufus: No problem.

    Natty Bumpercar: I appreciate you having cars. I will come and take a look at them, the ones that are blue, after. If they're still left, if they're still left. And good on you for showing some initiative. Trying to… I assume this was all going to go to the bumper podcast, to headquarters, to everyone here, and all the money you were going to make?

    Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, well, no. No, we did have a deal. We had an agreement that I needed you to sign. You understand? There was dividends and functionalities of monies that were… We're going to be passed around to everybody. So, we were going to figure that out on the back end, if you understand what I'm saying here. I guess I do. I don't know. So, I'm going to go. I got to go. I got another phone call coming in. Oh, nice. Hopefully, if it's for one of these cars, if you want to get in, act quickly. Act now. Act right. Act tight. I'm Rufus T. Rufus, and I am selling you cars.

    Natty Bumpercar: Thank you so much, Rufus T. Rufus. So, that was interesting. So, I'm Natty Bumpercar, and this is the Bumper Podcast, and it's been a couple of weeks, and I hate it when that happens, but I was sick. The kids were sick. Last week, we actually had snow, and I sat down with the kids to record a podcast about the snow, because they went sledding, and there was all this big fun, and man, it was a disaster. It was the most train wrecky of train wreckies ever. Like, I've got one set ahead for me, and I've got one set ahead for my kids, and they both want the headphones, so they both fight over the headphones, which means it's on one's head, and the other is pulling them, and then lets go, and it snaps, and then it hits the ear, and then there's crying, and then there's a punch. Ha, ha, ha. It's just, it's not a good, a conducive environment for creating a podcast, is what I'm telling you. We got like, I don't know, like 10 or 11 inches, which isn't crazy, and it's really only, I mean, our second snow of the year, but the day it's snowing, it's real wet outside, and it's really windy. It was super cold windy, but the first snowflake started to fall. The kids were like, we gotta go outside. We gotta snowball fight, snowman, sledding, and I was just like, no. It was like blizzard-ish. Like, you would look out the window, and all you, it was just like a whiteout, where all you would see is snowflakes everywhere, and I was just like, I'm not going, I'm not going out in that. Like, and this was at nine in the morning, that they wanted to go outside. And I was like, we're gonna have to wait a little while, but the snow's gonna be gone. The snow's not gonna be gone. It's here for a few days. Relax. So, it was a big fun day. I think at 11 or 12, I went out and had to shovel the driveway, and the front walk thing, drive park, what is it called? Sidewalk, that's what it's called. So, and that's like, 60 feet away. So, and that's like, 60 feet long, which is really long. So, by the time I was done, I felt like I was gonna die. And, and, and, and M was furious at me, because he was like, you wouldn't snowball fight with me. And I was like, I was shoveling. Daddy is tired and I was shoveling. Leave me be, boy. And then, later in the day, they finally, they, fine, we're gonna go sledding. So, we packed everything up, drove in the treacherous roads to the hills, the, and there's a hill in town that everyone goes to. And, we were there for an hour, 45 minutes an hour, it was, it was fine. I was freezing, I did not enjoy it. I don't like cold, I'm not good at cold, I'm not built for cold. And, but they were fine, they went up and down the hill, and up and down the hill, and up and down the hill. And, I need, I need new boots, I need new gloves, I need to move. move to the beach that's really you know what i could i could do without the gloves and the boots uh i just need to move to warmer climates is what it turns out uh i'm not i'm just not not built not built for it and then we got home and i think we i mean like we did everything for the kid we're like yeah here's this yeah here's this he played a little video games which is a special treat because we don't do that during the week and he was just like you guys don't ever let me do anything we're like but we but we did and i oh and i went i got him chinese food i went out to the place and i got him chinese food and i was like but we played in the snow and then we went sledding and then you got chinese food and uh oh then you played video game like i was just giving him the list the rundown and he was like no and i was just like yes so what i'm saying is you should have kids if you want to go crazy you should have kids it's fun it's great they don't sleep they keep you awake i was so tired last night i was in the um i was in the begging mode please just go to sleep daddy is so tired no i want you to sleep in here with us no i'm so tired please please please let daddy sleep no we're all alone in here and i was like you're not alone in here there's two of you you can't be alone when there's two you can be alone when you're by yourself and he was like no that's his debating technique no and i was just like ah foiled again so i finally got him down to sleep and then man i was i slept great i felt like a champ when i woke up and now i got tired again why is that why do i get tired so much so quickly because i ate that bagel oh what's up bagel time love me some bagels i had a big week last week too i had um uh what did i have last week i had three shows i had a show i had a show friday saturday sunday and monday but friday i had to cancel because we had plans um which is weird to can't i don't like shows but the uh saturday show was great it was at an american legion it was for a benefit the sunday show was great fun and then monday was like an audition for a club in the city and i haven't heard anything back but that night they seemed like they liked me so i don't know i don't know you know it's weird you just keep putting yourself out here's what comedians do it'll be like man i'm putting myself out there i'm grinding i'm doing this to work i'm putting in work and you're just like just gosh just go tell jokes silly boy or girl just what are you doing nobody don't don't tell me about you grinding i don't want to hear about you grinding man i was grating what were you grating cheese i was grating cheese putting in work for my pizza what you were doing what

    Unknown: you did to me it was really it was it was full of crap you you you you you you you you you you you

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  • Bumperpodcast #285 – Viral

    Bumperpodcast #285 – Viral

    There is a sickness in the land. A sickness that leads to tangents and rambling! I hope you don’t catch it!

    Do you get sick?

    Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. 

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! 

    About This Episode

    In this solo episode, Natty Bumpercar shares his misadventures with viral laryngitis while recording from Bumperpodcast headquarters. With a severely sore throat and raspy voice, Natty rambles through stories about his doctor's visit, taking his kids' homeopathic medicine (complete with melatonin-induced dreams featuring Taylor Swift), and surviving on a diet of apple juice and yogurt. He recounts a recent dinner with a friend at an overwhelming barbecue restaurant and laments having to cancel his Super Bowl party plans. Despite feeling under the weather and admittedly not firing on all cylinders, Natty delivers his characteristic stream-of-consciousness comedy while apologizing for the absence of his usual puppet co-stars like Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Coleman Sparkles.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I sound a little bit rough. It's like if I was just like hey man we're gonna go rob that bank over there, yeah you want to go rob that bank with us? That's how I talk now.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “The nurse was like oh I'm so sad that you can't talk because you always say the strangest things, you always make me laugh. And I was in my head just like I say strange things?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Here's fifteen dollars go to the arcade, go to the penny arcade, go get some penny candy. Go out of the town where are you kids?”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #illness #doctorvisit #friendship #food #superbowl #dreams #rambling

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: so as it happens sometimes uh around here at headquarters i've gotten sick again and this is fine i actually i feel pretty okay if i'm gonna be honest it's my uh my throat hurts really bad uh it's swollen um i tried taking some i had tea with lemon i had uh tea with lemon and honey just lemon and honey um and then i went to i went to the doctor yesterday and uh they said that i have something called viral laryngitis which is like what what's that and actually yesterday i said all right right now i sound a little bit uh rough it's like if i was just like hey man we're gonna go rob that bank over there yeah you want to go rob that bank with us because we're gonna go rob it all right that's how i talk now but that i but it actually does it hurts to talk um which is fun i actually had uh a meeting oh yes i went to the doctor and uh hold on and when i when you go to the doctor for the sore throat um you know what's gonna happen is they're gonna they're gonna they're gonna swab they're gonna swab the deck and and the doctor the first the nurse came in and she was just like uh she's very nice and she was she was like oh i'm so sad that you can't talk because you always say the strangest things you always make me laugh and i was in my head i was just like i say strange things and then i was like oh i make her laugh that makes me happy that's all i want to do in the world is make her laugh um oh boy this hurts uh so then uh she weighed me and here's an i think i've complained about this before although the voice is back a little bit okay uh they um this is higher now that's weird uh she went to weigh me and she got me on the scale and it used to be at the doctor's office you would have like uh your underwear like your boxers and your t-shirt or something on right uh but i had like two shirts on my pants and my pants my pockets are full of have i carry rocks around i don't know why uh no but so you know she weighs me and she was like oh you must have had a good lunch and i was thinking i was like i didn't even have lunch it hurts to it hurts to swallow it hurts to breathe that hurts to swallow i can't put food in there um uh but you know if you take off the weight of the clothes when did the weight of the clothes become part of your weight is my complaint there i guess uh so i um but then i i had i had had dinner with a friend the night before i am rambling today man i'm gonna blame it on i started taking the uh i didn't have any cold medicine or anything that seemed appropriate for uh for a sore throat i'm gonna blame it on i didn't have any cold medicine for this whatever it is um laryngitis c thing um so the kids have this uh it's called zarby's maybe i think it's called zarby's zarby's and it's all like homeopathic stuff and it's like uh there's well there's honey which isn't really homeopathic i guess but i wanted honey on my throat and then there's also uh the stuff melatonin makes you sleep and then there's i guess there's other stuff too it makes you feel better so i took some a couple nights ago i had this crazy dream and it was all these people that i know were in it and uh taylor swift was in it and we all lived in this weird little town and uh i don't remember any of the dream but it was it was it was just like it was like a sitcom like it was like you'd pop into a set and be like hey and then there'd be like funny wacky jokes or whatever and then uh i don't remember it was a weird dream but then last night i took it again and uh and then at night they said it got a little bit better and i was like oh my god i'm gonna get to stay hydrated so i drink water and last night i drank uh i had some uh apples apple juice with water in it and um and uh the uh and i think that made it feel better so i'm taking this kid's medicine and i'm drinking apple juice from now on to make me feel better uh i can't really eat because it hurts so i'm drinking smoothies and eating yogurt which is great because this weekend is a super good weekend and i'm going to be drinking apple juice and i'm going to be drinking and my little my little birds are in it and fingers are crossed and i'm gonna in theory if i feel better please make me feel better uh we were gonna have a super bowl party we're gonna have people over but i just can't do it anymore i can't i don't have i don't have it in me uh so we're just gonna have us as a super bowl party which all right you know that makes sense uh because we're gonna get all this food that just the wife and i are gonna eat and the kids are gonna be like that's disgusting and i'm gonna be like oh why are you here go go out here's here's fifteen dollars go go have fun go out of the town where are you kids go go to the go to the arcade go to the penny arcade go get go get some penny candy fifteen dollars uh so i'm it's fine that i'm on this kind of um diet of uh of uh of what is this stuff i'm i'm using diet of uh man yogurt liquids i am and i gotta go to work today people i left work early yesterday and i gotta go in today and i am i am not operating in all i'm not operating in all cylinders i'm not functioning in all set no firing i'm not firing on all cylinders right now um and the doctor she was she was like do you i don't even know that's not even we're talking about this and she swabbed me there all that tangent was just because i was talking about swabbing and i want to talk about the nurse turns out so i don't have strep throat which i knew because with strep throat you can look into a mirror and if you can open your mouth you can look in the back and you'll see like white spots and uh like rabbititis it's like oh i got rabbititis uh but she's like but we're gonna we're gonna send this off the culture we're gonna send this culture off to have it and i was like all right i don't i don't care i don't know but then there's she's like here's so what here's what you do drink a lot of fluid don't uh exert yourself don't exercise and uh and i was just like i like exercise and uh and good luck basically that was it now i was just like this is this was a waste of 30 all right i could have i could have stayed home and slept for the two hours this doctor's appointment took and would have probably made me feel a little bit better um yeah so that's where i'm at right now i did i got to have dinner with a friend of mine earlier this week who who had moved from new york to minneapolis minnesota and uh he's he's great and i miss him i it's weird thing when you get older you don't have as many friends you know and you're like oh telephone you can stay in touch on facebook that's garbage you know you need to be able to sit across the table from somebody and really to be able to really complain uh it's it's it's essential to be it do it in person uh otherwise you know when they hang up the phone they're just like oh that guy so this is like physically you have to be like oh that guy it was so fun though he went to a barbecue place in the city and uh and uh and uh you had to go in you get it it's called you get a meal ticket and there's all these rules gotta get a meal ticket can't come in without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket don't leave without a meal ticket your meal ticket meal ticket meal ticket he's like oh my goodness so uh you get in line and there's just so much food and it's overwhelming and the guy behind the counter he was great he was a great salesman he was just like all right here's what you guys want you guys both want this you look like hungry gentlemen you know what you're gonna want you're gonna want this special it comes with two meats it goes with two sides you're also gonna get cornbread with that and i was like that's too much food he was like no man it's not that much food trust me it's gonna be perfect for you so you're gonna and i got turkey turkey at a barbecue place but i gotta tell you man it's delicious i can't eat i can't eat the leftovers because it hurts too bad but man that day it was it was delicious this was a few days ago uh i got turkey and i got uh i got i got uh uh corn casserole who knew it's the best thing ever it was so good choupette white choupette corn green bean casserole too i feel like this is the conversation you're gonna have with me bumper podcast when i put away in an old in an old folks home and you show up on you know the one the day before christmas where you've come into town you're not gonna waste your christmas on me but you're gonna come and visit me because it is the holiday season this is what i feel like this conversation is although i haven't mentioned soup so i'm not gonna waste your christmas on me but uh maybe it's not we're not entirely there but uh if you are still listening to the bumper podcast i appreciate you i love you to to pieces i love doing the bumper podcast my voice actually feels better now than it did before so i appreciate you for that i do feel like i'm gonna pass out uh that's not your fault all right i gotta tell you uh uh and i apologize for the rambling i apologize pig is he's got something he's out he's out he's out like a light he's asleep right now uh rufus t rufus is actually in the south he said he is too cold for him here uh coleman sparkles is in the mine of course because it's his day to to go down to the mine uh pirate i don't know if the pirate has a name i just called the pirate uh anyway you guys are top-notch i am so glad i don't have any shows that was a worrisome thing for me because i can't do shows right now i'm talking now but i gotta be funny clearly i can't be funny

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