Tag: comedian

  • Bumperpodcast #370 – Valentine’s

    Bumperpodcast #370 – Valentine’s

    Pig seems kind of sad about Valentine’s day. So, Natty tries to cheer him up, a bit!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    About This Episode

    In this heartwarming Valentine's Day episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig is feeling down about being the only pig in the house without a valentine. Host Natty Bumpercar helps Pig understand what Valentine's Day is really about, leading to a hilarious debate over whether it's pronounced "valentine" or "valentime." The duo explores the meaning of the holiday, from its origins with St. Valentine to what it means to spread love to everyone around you. Their conversation takes comedic turns through discussions of tree valentines, Danish pastries, and ultimately lands on an important message about self-love. Natty and Pig share laughs while reminding listeners that the most important valentine is yourself.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. You wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. T-I-M-E?”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “It sounds like this is not a very exclusive club. Hey, look at that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? I guess you're my valentines now, huh?”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    Topics: #valentine'sday #self-love #friendship #holidays #loneliness #comedy #pronunciation

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: I guess I'm kind of sad, is the thing, and I just don't know what to talk to about it. Hey, Pig, what's up? Hey, Bumps, what's going on?

    Natty Bumpercar: I, you just sound really, really sad, and I, why? What's going on, man?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, you know, it's Valentine's Day, and I just don't understand it, and I ain't got no valentine. Yeah. You know, I'm the only pig in the house, and so it's just always kind of a weird day for me, you know?

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's, yeah, that makes sense, but here's the thing, Pig, is Valentine's Day is cool and everything, because it's a day where you can, like, show your love for other people and get little cards and get little candies and gifts. I love candy. I know you do. It's good. I do, too. Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: But the thing is… You're going to say that I don't get nothing because… No, wait, what? No, I wasn't going to say that. Because nobody loves me? Pig. Is that what you was going to say? Pig. I'm a guy.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, man, stop it. So, no, this is the thing. It doesn't… Valentine's Day is rough because it's, like, one day, and everybody focuses on it, and you're like, oh, I like this person on this day, but you like every… I like you every day. You're my valentine every single day.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. No. Right? No. T-I-M-E?

    Natty Bumpercar: It's not. And I was actually… It's weird because I was trying to say something nice to you, and you're derailing it with this, but valentime, I guess it makes sense because it's, like, time for valentines. Time, yeah. Valentines is what it is.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're on the same page here. No. It's valentimers. No, I said valentines.

    Natty Bumpercar: An N, not an M, an N. Okay. Yeah, an N. I don't… Can we just… Okay, listen. Go ahead. So, here's the thing. Valentine's Day, according to my research, it was also called St. Valentine's Day, and it was based… Or the Feast of St. Valentine, so it's been around for many, many, many years, and I guess there was a dude named Valentine, and he got named after him. I don't know. It's one of those holidays. This isn't one of the ones, though. So, where they, like, Christmas, which is based on a solstice, or Easter, which is based on a solstice, this is… And a solstice is, like, some moon and sun stuff up there. This is just St. Valentine, dude. But it's basically… It's a day that's been built around just expressing your love for someone. Even me. Your friendship, your love, your gratitude, your… All these things. So, you can say, Happy Valentine's Day, right?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. So, who do I say it to? Because I don't understand who I'm supposed to say it to. Well… Is it gonna be awkward or weird? No. Or something? Are people gonna make fun of me?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, Pig. I think people appreciate when you say it to them. I think it's kind of like a nice thing. You can just be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day. I think you can just kind of wander around. Today's one of those days where you can just be like, Hey, you!

    Aloysious J. Pig: Happy Valentine's Day.

    Natty Bumpercar: And then, here's the fear, though, because once you've opened that door to conversation, you don't know what's gonna come through that door. So, you could be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day! And they could be like, Is it? Is it really? And then, you're like, Oh, no! Now, I'm in this conversation! Oh! But, you know what? That's fine. Let them get it off their chest. Don't let it stick to you, but, you know, just… Happy Valentine's… And then, you move on. Happy Valentine's Day! Is it? See you later! That's what you do. You run away from the situation. Which is a completely legitimate thing to do sometimes.

    Aloysious J. Pig: So, wait. The other day, when you came in the room, and I was kind of quiet, and you was like, Sup, pig? And I said, Well, and then you turned and skadoot? Yeah. Is that what… Did you do that to me? Yeah. You didn't want to hear my props? Mate, I…

    Natty Bumpercar: Yes, I was gonna say I was getting a phone call, but I was not getting a phone call. I just… I had a… Yes, I'm sorry. That's what I did to you, and I apologize. So, anyway. Back to who's gonna be your valentine. Pig, I could be your valentine. I would love to be your valentine.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Would you like to be my valentine? Is that socially acceptable? Is this a norm? Can we… Is this okay for a pig and a gentleman such as you to be valentines?

    Natty Bumpercar: Can we do that? Absolutely. Of course we can. I mean, that's the thing with Valentine's Day. Popcorn the dog, she's my valentine. My sweet, sweet kids, they're my valentines. All my bumper pod casketeers, you don't know it, but you're my valentines. Because it's just… It's anybody's… Everybody's my valentine. Anybody and everybody. We're all valentines around here.

    Aloysious J. Pig: It sounds like this is not a very, um, exclusive club. Like, it's just… It's any… Hey, look at that, uh, that, that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, look at that ball by the curb. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? No. I guess you're my valentines now, huh?

    Natty Bumpercar: So, no, that's not fair, because those are all inanimate objects.

    Aloysious J. Pig: A leaf is clearly animate, sir. It's on a tree, which is a living being. And I believe that you are incorrect.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fine. You're starting to sound a lot like Rufus T. Rufus. I think you're hanging out with a lawyer too much there, pig.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Actually, I've been doing a lot of research on pig law because I think that there's a niche in the market that a lot of pigs are unrepresented. And, uh, so, just branching out as I do.

    Natty Bumpercar: As you do. Well, so, okay, fine. So, no, a ball or a cheese doodle, I guess they could be your valentine if you want. But, uh, I'm not gonna stop you, clearly. The leaf. I mean, a tree would be a great valentine. It's there. You can come and visit it. You can give it a hug. You can tell it nice things. You can tell it secrets. And a tree is gonna hold on to all that. I would love to have a tree as a valentine. But I think, most importantly, so… What? Do you want to be my valentine?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, uh, so, huh. After you kind of said, like, everything in the whole planet is your valentine, it soured it a little bit for me. But I guess, sure. I don't want to, like, let you down, because I don't want to make you sad or nothing. But I got to ask, is it, like, contractually binding? Like, if I'm your valentine, can I then be somebody else's valentine or whatever?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, yeah, of course. You can have many valentines. That's the cool thing. Because you're just spreading the love out. You're just sending it out to the world. Have a great… It's kind of like saying, have a great day. You're like, happy valentine. But in that second… That's how it works. It's a quick transference project. It's happy valentine. Boom, you're my valentine. And then if you turn, happy valentine. Boom, now you're my valentine. It's like this. It's moving around, right? But you leave a little bit of residual valentine with the people. So it's going everywhere. So…

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, this seems kind of strange.

    Natty Bumpercar: Really?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, it does. I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, it's because it's like, all right, fine, cool. This is very noncommittal. Like, I didn't want it to get into, like, being, like, a contract. Like, you're my one and only valentine for the rest of forever. But also, this now feels completely opposite. Like, we went the other direction. Where it's just like, ah, for this half a second, sure, you're my valentine. Okay, now that dog over there, that's my valentine. It's like, you know, I need a little bit in the middle. Kind of in the middle there. If we could figure out a way to take your extreme, take that extreme, put them in the middle, and then I think we'll be set. Fine. That makes sense.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, okay, that makes sense. But, yes, fine. That makes sense. So, I don't know how we want to do that. Are there going to be rules? Like, will we have to, like, limit how many people we valentine? Or is there, like, a time limit where it's just like, you can't happy valentine people, you have to wait, like, 30 seconds or something like that? Or a minute? Or, I don't know, like, what kind of structure we're going to do to meet the middle, as you were saying.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I think that's going to be tough. Maybe we're not going to get it done this year. It seems like kind of a big project. But, I feel, you know, I just think, like, we can work on it. It's another, it's a, we can work on figuring some rules out. Let's just hammer some rules out. And then we memorialize them. We put them in a document. And then we have meetings. Probably some meetings. And maybe rent a room to have a meeting in. There's a lot of meetings

    Natty Bumpercar: happening right now, right?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Well, I do, I love having meetings because usually there's Danish meetings.

    Natty Bumpercar: You know how I love a Danish. You do love a Danish. All right, but for now, fine. We'll figure out some sort of structures. Some sort of rules for Valentine's Day. And we can figure out if we have anything in the budget for meetings and Danish. And, but I think for now, for today, I want everybody listening and everybody not listening. Have a happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, you did the wide net there thing again.

    Aloysious J. Pig: And you just did everybody listening. Everybody not listening. Hey, hey, ooh, hi. Everybody in the whole wide world. Like, it's just, let's target focus a little bit.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fine, so to everyone listening, I hope you have the most wonderful Valentine's Day ever. And I hope you feel loved and I hope you feel appreciated. And I hope you feel awesome because listen, every morning when you wake up, if you look around and if you feel sad and you're like, oh, Valentine's Day, this is a rough day. I don't have anybody that loves me. Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. All right, because you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You. You go to bed. You know who's there? You are. So try to be nice to yourself, especially today. It's great to have Valentine, to walk around and say Happy Valentine's Day to people and just to share that love or whatever. But you got to make sure that you give a little bit of that love back. So go to a mirror after you listen to this podcast if you can find one and look at it and just say Happy Valentine's Day and give yourself a big smile because you're the Valentine that's always going to be there for you that knows you're like the tree. You know all your secrets. You know all your wants, all your desires, all your hopes, all your fears. It's all there. And so you got to take care of yourself because otherwise, what do you got? What do you got? You're out there.

    Aloysious J. Pig: You got a Danish, maybe?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, there's no Danish. Oh, okay.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I was hoping for a Danish. Well, you got very, you got very, I don't know what you just got, I don't know what you just got there, but you got very, very, very real, Bumpercar. We went from kind of a silly thing about a pig in Valentine's to, you know, and I agree with you. People aren't nice enough to themselves. And in this world, you know, you got to be nice to yourself because there's a lot of things out there that ain't going to feel good and that ain't going to be nice to you. So on this Valentine's Day, I like what you're doing, Bums. You took it back to another extreme. Instead of loving everybody, just make sure you love yourself, okay? And then when you do that, then other people are going to love you. It's just like a, it's like a thing. I don't know. I ain't got terms for this. I didn't go to no psychology school.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, it's tough. I, it's, it's, it's, yeah. I was trying to bring it back to the tree because we were talking about the tree earlier with the leaf and like, maybe like the seed, like the acorns or like the seeds or, you know, whatever. And, you know, I don't, but I had a hard time with that.

    Aloysious J. Pig: It's like, happy Valentine's. Make like a tree and leaf. That wasn't nice. Hey, like, what's a tree that has acorns? Hey, happy Valentine's Day. You're nuts. Like, that's not nice either. No. Happy Valentine's Day. My, my, my bark is worse. That's for a dog. This is for a dog. My bark is worse than my bite. No, that don't work neither. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, I, uh, I can't think of one with oak. Oak, you sure you want to be my Valentine? I don't know. It just, it's very silly. I don't, I'm trying to, I don't know any other trees is what I just realized. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm pining for you. Happy Valentine's Day. Magnolia, be my Valentine's? That's not one either. Happy Valentine's Day. Dogwood trees have flowers. No. Happy Valentine's Day. Ash trees.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Have papery bark. No.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's, I think I'll let you go on with that quite long. Enough. Um, happy Valentine's Day. Um. Oh, my love is like deep seeded roots for you. There's, that's one. I, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway. Listen, Bumper Podcast. Thank you so much for listening as always. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, pig is my current Valentine. But if I see you on the street, I'll certainly say happy Valentine's Day to you. And, uh, have a great day. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Love everyone. Please. We need more of that in the world. Please, please, please. And if you can, try to have some chocolate. Chocolate's good. Chocolate's good. If you can't have chocolate, I don't know, draw yourself a nice picture or have a nice water. Have a nice water. Happy Valentine's Day. Have some water.

    Aloysious J. Pig: That's a terrible slogan.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. That's why I don't do the marketing. Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Water? I, I think you were better off with the tree thing. Ah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: All right.

    Natty Bumpercar: We better leave, huh? Okay. We're back to that. All right. Uh, pig, I hope you feel better and thank you for being my Valentine's. I love you. Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I love you too, man.

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  • Bumperpodcast #368 – Spicy Socks

    Bumperpodcast #368 – Spicy Socks

    Popcorn the dog has been feasting on socks – which leads to a bit of a kerfuffle, and to a potential business opportunity!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    About This Episode

    In episode 368 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a crisis when his dog Popcorn develops an insatiable appetite for socks. Aloysious J. Pig breaks the news that the puppy has destroyed every sock in the house, leading to a chaotic discussion about puppy behavior and responsibility. The situation escalates when a mysterious new lawyer named Frenchie appears on the scene, creating confusion and competition with the show's resident lawyer Rufus T. Rufus. With Producer possibly masquerading as the French attorney, the episode spirals into comedic chaos. Despite the sock-eating mayhem and legal shenanigans, Natty shares exciting news about new Bumperpodcast business cards and stickers for 2020.

    Memorable Quotes

    “The weirdest part was I went into her little dog house and found a stack of papers. She had actually written up a business plan for a kiosk in the mall called Spicy Socks.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Oh, hello. It's I'm Frenchie. It's a new lawyer in the neighborhood. And I am very good at the law, the American law.”

    — Producer/Frenchie

    “Don't let lawyers get involved with your dog's dreams. Don't let lawyers step all over your puppy's plans.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #dogs #puppies #lawyers #comedy #pets #businessplans #competition #chaos

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Frenchie (Producer), Producer

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: good good good good good morning good afternoon good evening whatever time it is that you're listening to the bumper podcast we greatly appreciate you being here and why well because there's 18 bazillion other things that you could be doing with your time but you're choosing to spend it with me and i appreciate that because i miss you guys i miss you guys a lot every day that i don't record i end up missing you did you miss me too hi pig hey what's going on bumpsy so here's the thing uh uh your dog uh popcorn was uh down in the basement need a laundry room and i'd like for you just to take a guess at what she was doing down the uh the basement is where the laundry is where the laundry room where the laundry baskets where the laundry chute is it's also where things are folded please tell me that she did not get into the socks she got she got into the socks you told yeah well so here's the thing uh nobody has socks anymore we are now officially a sock free house i don't know what it is she i never seen they eat no paints i never seen they eat no shirts but uh socks she's all about them socks don't matter if it's uh pig socks if it's bumper car socks uh old socks new socks red socks blue socks you see what i'm doing there huh so all gone i mean the sock is mostly still there but the uh the foot part gone the toe part gone okay but it is tubes you have fabric tubes all right excuse me uh this is really annoying like guys have you ever had a puppy and uh when they eat stuff all the time i think i've mentioned it before when we first got popcorn uh she's a little beagle black lab kind of cute kind of smallish about 33 pounds uh um she people were like watch out she's gonna eat everything and i was like i've had a dog at irving brown socks he didn't eat anything he was wonderful oh no no no no no no it could not have been more off the mark this dog eats everything uh the sofa she ate that a sofa couch how does a dog do that remote controls two of them shoes one two three four pairs of shoes two pairs of flip-flops i mean the list is never ending the socks after socks after socks after socks it's it's just too much um hmm so how do i handle this oh now excuse me i do believe that we have a predicament here why some sort of liturgy liturgist liturgitude lawyer talk speak if you if you catch my drift if you understand what i'm saying okay so i do i hmm hey rufus i do understand what you're saying but i don't think we need a lawyer right now at this point for the dog who ate some socks that's exactly what someone who would say who in fact very much did require having the services of someone who is scholastically trained in such situations as sock eating hey bump akari didn't wait rufus you actually went to school for sock eating law i didn't even know that was a thing well hold on a second maybe we do need them bump I know he can be a bit much, but in this situation, maybe he's going to be able to guide us. Maybe they'll actually be worth something for once finally, right? I don't know. Well, no. I think the answer is no. She's a dog. She's a puppy. We have to be better about putting our things away and making sure she doesn't get into places where she can eat things. I know it's hard to believe, but she's just a puppy, and we're responsible for her. And so we have to help her to make better decisions and not be in situations where bad stuff can happen. Now, as I was flipping through my law books here, I did come across a precedent-setting case of SOC law in which… The perpetrator did actually have to re-encompensate the affiliated members of the action in which the perpetration was, in fact, perpetrated. So what I'm saying is, son, now what I'm saying is, the law has spoken. Safe bump? It's that easy? The law has spoken. The law has spoken. I mean, case closed? No. I don't know. No. So here's the thing. When people… We got the puppy, and people said, oh, she's going to eat things. She's going to eat things. And then she started eating things. I started doing some internet research, and it was one of those situations where it was just like, how to get your puppy to stop eating things it's not supposed to. And it said to actually add… There was like this, a powder, right? A little spray. And it was a spray, but it was kind of dry when it came out, like a powder. And it was like some sort of hot cayenne, like pepper. And I was like, ooh, is that going to hurt the puppy? And so I got it, and I tried it. And just on a couple of pairs of socks. And she ran over like a bolt of lightning and ate… Like almost the whole sock before I could get it away from her. And the look in her eye, she was just like, yes. Yes, I do like spicy socks. And the weirdest part of that was I went into her little dog house, into her little area, and I found a stack of papers. And she had actually written up a business plan for like a kiosk in the mall, like those little… If you're in a mall and have little restaurants or little things in the middle, like, oh, you can get a pretzel, you can get a drink, whatever. She made a business plan, and it was really well written for a place, a little restaurant called Spicy Socks. So I don't know if I should… I mean, if this is her passion, then maybe I should just let it happen. Maybe I'm the problem here. I don't know. Now, of course, you are the problem, Mr. Bumpercar, as you always tend to be. Now, as far as these documents that you discovered, who exactly was the person who put them together? Because I do not understand, according to my log, that I was ever approached for such things. Oh, yeah. Rufus, you ain't heard? There's a new lawyer dude in town setting up shop. I don't know what his name is. It's like… I forget what his name is. It's like Frenchie or… I don't know. Something like that. But he seems like really good, and his rates are really good. And maybe he took over? I don't know. There's just been a lot… I'm just saying there's a little competition up in your area right now. I should ask Popcorn about this.

    Frenchie (Producer): Who's… What? Oh, hello. It's… I'm Frenchie. It's a new lawyer in the neighborhood. And I am very good at the law, the American law. I went through all the schools, and I did all of the things. And believe me, you are in good hands with Frenchie, me lawyer. And I will protect you. And I understood the stock law. And I can do all of the things that is… Oh, hello. This is absolute.

    Natty Bumpercar: My name is Rufus T. Rufus. And I have a lot of letters after my name because I have so many degrees, and they had to make them into letters. And I am the lawyer, imperate, in trans…

    Producer: In trans-fu-ma-si-o-ne. Yes, in trans-fu-ma-si-o-ne. Don't you try to help me now. Well, I'm just trying to help.

    Natty Bumpercar: You ain't. You're hop-stepping on my lily pad here. I'm the lawyer. I am. I am the lawyer, sir.

    Producer: Now, sir, there are plenty of rooms everywhere around here for lawyers. And I am another lawyer, and I will be the helping man to the peoples. All of these peoples everywhere.

    Natty Bumpercar: Pig, do you notice anything about this lawyer? Yeah. He sounds a lot like producer does.

    Producer: Actually, I don't think that he sounds… …anything like me, even a little bit at all, and I bet he doesn't even seem… I would agree totally with this frog man that I don't sound anything like him. He clearly has his own accent, I clearly have my own accent, and they're very far apart. I am a lawyer, he is a frog. And I am a frog, and he is a lawyer, so he's very different. I don't think that it's happening here.

    Natty Bumpercar: You know, Bumpercar, I didn't want to get back into the fray, as it were, but I do feel like I hear similarities in the voice of patterns, if you will. Maybe something I can look into as a copyright infringement. I'm going to shut this new lawyer down. Too sweet. Oh, man. All right, so what do we talk about today? There's a dog eating socks, going to open up a stand called Spicy Socks, there's a new lawyer called Frenchie, this show is off the rails. Yeah, I agree. But, here's a cool thing. We're going to figure all this lawyer-y stuff out in the back room, but neat things are happening in 2020. It's 2020, y'all. 2020. And I, we got business cards made with the podcast, and they're really cool. I'll probably post those when I post this episode. We also were getting stickers made of the podcast, and my goal for those is, is if people will listen to the show, and will subscribe to it, and will write a little review, then, you know, like give it a little rating, then that's awesome. That helps us out so much. Because as much as we… We all love getting down here and making this for you, we want other people to hear it, too. And so that's the ultimate goal. So I will let people know how they can get these stickers as soon as I kind of figure it all out and put it onto the internet webs. But anyway, I want you to know, Popcorn's a good dog. She's just a hungry dog. And sometimes puppies are going to make business plans about eating. So… That's just something that's going to happen. But what I would say is, don't let lawyers get involved with your dog's dreams. Don't let lawyers step all over your puppy's plans. She's… My puppy is smart. She knows what she's doing. She goes down to the local library. She does her research. And I'm… I'm here for her. Whatever she needs, I'm here for. Bumps, have you tried the spicy sauce? They are, uh, not so good. Yeah, I actually did try these things and was in the hospital for several days. I do not want to be involved with this business unless it's people suing, litigating against it. This place is going to fold like a deck of cards.

    Producer: Haha, you have fallen into my trap. And that is, officially you have said bad things about my client's business. That you should not have said on the podcast. I will be suing you, Rufus T. Rufus. Get your papers ready because I'll be coming for you and taking you downtown.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, now I'm officially confused. Was that the Frenchie lawyer or was that producer? I honestly can't tell anymore. It's officially the mystery of the week.

    Unknown: Okay, well, I don't like that. You're still young and you can still lose to the送 XX. Fine, I'll give you another chance. This can't be working. When has Mia been straightforwarded on? Now I have asked Maria over time. To confirm, you now personally have made a request for your son, but you still do not yet. Have you received a copy of the contract? What do we do? Yes, Music Video Coding program. We are the same agency as Rufus. And we love agenda cool. Where'sinas? This is Chris. This is Alex.

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  • Bumperpodcast #364 – Left out

    Bumperpodcast #364 – Left out

    Oh no. Natty left someone out, again. Who is it – and what will the fallout be? Listen to find out!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    About This Episode

    In this Thanksgiving-themed episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces the wrath of Turkey, who's upset about being excluded from his traditional holiday interview. The situation escalates when it's revealed Natty came down with a mysterious case of "the loop de loo" that caused him to forget everything. Meanwhile, Producer the Frog reveals he's been sleeping in the backyard because no one invited him inside, leading to an emotional workplace revelation. Aloysious J. Pig threatens legal action while everyone learns an important grammar lesson about possessive apostrophes. The chaos concludes with Natty promising a holiday party to make amends with everyone.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Have you looked around this place? It's a virtual pigsty. That's why I like to come in here as much as I do.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I was never invited to stay in here and so everybody else seems to go sleep whatever they want and I have to go sleep in the backyard. It's very cold out there in the snow.”

    — Producer

    “It's not turkey soup, it's turkey's soup. The Z is very important because that lets us know it's his soup not soup of him.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #thanksgiving #workplacedynamics #friendship #apologies #holidays #miscommunication #inclusion

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Producer, Turkey

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: well well well good morning afternoon evening midday brunch lunch dinner night time midnight to you bumper podcast listeners it's me natty bumper car and i

    Aloysious J. Pig: hey natty hey pig what's going on you forgot somebody who ah turkey come here

    Natty Bumpercar: oh no oh no i'm hi turkey how are you

    Doodle Poodle: wow wow he's really heated yeah he's really angry why wow i've never seen such a mad bird i haven't either i want what's the matter turkey why are you so mad i've never seen you get angry before okay oh yeah but but no i'm sorry okay

    Natty Bumpercar: that makes sense okay so everybody if you don't speak turkey geese then you don't know what he's saying but turkeys very upset because every single year that we've been doing the bumper podcast around thanksgiving we have him on and we have big interviews we have a big show and evidently this year he got his whole turkey family together all ready for his big bumper podcast interview and then the call never came yes hi natty it's i betty sir and i'm

    Producer: very sorry but we have put together a schedule and we are determined that we weren't going to be having the turkey on the show this year i have uh some emails from you which say exactly to the point i don't want that bird in my studio he makes everything very feathery

    Aloysious J. Pig: turkey um listen i gotta i might have to take this bird out of studio because you he's getting really angry and i don't blame him did you really say that natty did you really get upset at the turkey because of the feathers in your studio have you looked around this place no it's a virtual pigsty that's why i like to come in here as much as i do okay um it's funny

    Natty Bumpercar: um wow uh yee um so turkey i'm really sorry we went through a weird thing this year where i came down with a bad case of some weird thing i don't even remember what it was called was it like banu was that banu no bro

    Aloysious J. Pig: you're always totes banu we all know that you equal totes banu however yes i believe if i'm

    Producer: looking back through my notes that you buy you came down with a case of the loop de loo and you said the loop de loo and you forgot everything and who you were and everything and whatnot so without being sir

    Turkey: yeah i did really

    Natty Bumpercar: oh thank you so much turkey it was it was loop de loo and guys turkey has offered to bring me he says it's a magic cure for the loop de loo

    Aloysious J. Pig: some of his turkey soup whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa wait a minute you ain't gonna eat no turkey soup turkey's my friend you ain't allowed to eat my friend's bumper car uh now excuse me point of representation point of fact point of uh uh attention uh uh rufus t rufus have heard the term loop de loo uh dis distributed and disinfactuated here in the studio today and i was wondering who exactly was making that referential preferential

    Turkey: yeah hey so thank you uh so thank you for clearing that up

    Natty Bumpercar: uh turkey so rufus for you uh we were talking about a long time ago with the loop de loo so you don't have to be here you don't have to jump in everything is fine uh pig it's not turkey it's not soup made of turkey which no because he's sitting here and ew right no uh it is soup that turkey has made it's like a special family recipe uh that i will try to be having and i will try to to be enjoying as soon as he brings it and i'm sure it will be delicious and delectable there's no soup like turkeys soup see the z is very important there because that lets us know that it's his soup not soup of him it's not turkey soup it's turkeys soup turkeys right yeah turkeys

    Aloysious J. Pig: so if i say uh on the end of something then that means it's mine so let's see here i'm gonna look around the room ah hey if i gotta go to the store i'm gonna take the keys to your cars does that was that work does that make is that what we're doing now i don't understand hey who's chocolaties uh bars uh is this like that i don't know i this is very confusing to me i don't do a lot of gram not a grandma pig if you understand no i i i myself did go to many schools and many times and many variations that's how you achieve the level of latitude that i have now uh let's see here i believe what you're on the path of correctness and the path of righteousness aloysius so without being said t rufus will like the uh the to take all the monies uh out of the the bankers and put it into my wallet like is that what i think is as proper as well i will be taking the dee desires to this houses like that i don't think that's how it works

    Turkey: oh

    Natty Bumpercar: so awesome i'm glad you guys are all having fun and this is all wonderful

    Producer: i am not i don't usually get to participate in these types of things but i feel like it's fun and hard to get involved as well i'm usually just in my producer booth so i'm going to try one for me i would like you to sleep inside the house tonight like that oh ease yeah like that i would like to have to eat take a shower easy and not sleep in the backyard is uh please uh if it pleases you it's very cold out there in the snow it's not again i don't know even know if you knew this snarving everywhere okay i'm a frog but i'd like to sleep inside okay they wanted

    Natty Bumpercar: to get that out there so they're all clearing things off of our chests did you said producer this is i'm glad we're bringing this up because i had no idea you were why do you sleep outside we

    Producer: have so many rooms here well i was never invited to stay in here and so everybody else seems to go sleep whatever they want and eat whatever they want to do in an hour or more i have to go have myilsty okay but I want, and that's just not who I am, okay?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Nanny, it's just not who he is, okay? You ain't gotta frog-secute the guy just because he's got a good spirit and a good heart, okay? Okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, uh, Pig, thank you. You got very emotional for that. That was very sweet of you. Uh, but Frog… My name is Producer. I'm Producer. Yes, Producer. I'm sorry. Thank you. I… Every night when you leave, when you like, wrap up and you're heading home, or what I thought was, like, you say goodbye, and you're like, alright, see everybody later, and you get your stuff and you go out the front door. And so we all thought that you had a house, or maybe you even had a family. We don't know anything about you, so…

    Aloysious J. Pig: No, this, no, it seems like it is moving into my purview. Uh, Mr. Producer, would you say that, uh, the Nanny Bumpercon is a affiliate affiliates have, uh, been disregarding you in any way? Because ipso facto, if they have, then that becomes a legal issue that I believe I could represent you properly for. And you know what? At some point, this house is uh, might become your house is uh, my friend, is uh,

    Natty Bumpercar: Thank you, Turkey. Yes. So, exactly. So what Turkey just said is the truth and the, and, yes. We just thought that Producer was going somewhere else. Should we have known? Maybe, but he was going out the front door. We never, why would we think he was going to the backyard? That doesn't make any sense. And, you know, I don't know a lot about him, and I feel bad about that, but that's just, uh, you know, we just haven't had, like, personal conversations. He's very professional. He goes into his booth, he does his job, and he's wonderful at it, for the most part, and he, he, that's, that's it, you know? I think we should make time, we're in the holiday season, so maybe we should get together with everyone and have a nice holiday party, and, and we can all get to know each other a little bit better. Wouldn't that be nice? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, of course you're going to be invited, Turkey. I think after this whole debacle that we've, yes, don't worry about it. You're going to be here. What I got to say, Turkey, you're kind of feathering up the joint a little bit. There's a lot of feathers everywhere, okay? So just, if you're going to molt, don't molt here, okay? Uh, I will be awaiting my invitation for this soiree, and, uh, please do run it by my calendar. To make sure I am

    Producer: available. I would like to be there, too, if you could please. I would really appreciate just being included, you know, this one time.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, okay, everyone's going to be included, and I'm sorry if anyone felt like they were left out, and you're all awesome. All of you.

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  • Bumperpodcast #355 – Kid Football

    Bumperpodcast #355 – Kid Football

    Natty has a couple of helpers on today’s podcast. One is a one word answer giving football star, and the other is really good at the trampoline – and running from the dog.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    About This Episode

    In this heartwarming family episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar celebrates his son Emerson's triumphant football playoff game where he scored his first touchdown of the season, helping the previously winless Jaguars defeat the Cowboys 24-6. The episode features both of Natty's sons, with Oliver sharing his pool adventures and touching his father's heart by making him a custom mug after his original tea mug broke. The family discusses their upcoming plans to visit Time Warp Comics and see Spider-Man, while dealing with the challenges of their new 16-week-old puppy Princess Poppy. This casual, improvisational episode showcases the genuine dynamic between Natty and his children, complete with tangents about birthdays, podcasting techniques, and puppy training struggles.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Oliver did the sweetest thing in the world this week it made my heart cry a little bit… Oliver went to camp and he made me a new mug for my tea.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Ladies and gentlemen, what you're hearing right now is the love of a father and a son over tea. Tea for me.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “You know who you are? You're my best friend.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #football #fatherhood #family #sports #children #puppies #heartwarmingmoments #flagfootball

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: Good googly moogly I was out on the field today watching some football and I want to tell you people that the world needs heroes right now and I have one of the heroes standing next to me this is the bumper sports podcast coming to you live and I'm talking about the gridiron I am talking about the trenches I am talking about the men against men fighting for inches for yards with the football ladies and gentlemen what I saw today was the pinnacle was the peak was the high point of sports entertainment in all across the land so if you know who I'm talking about and I think you do you're gonna be very excited if you don't know who I'm talking about then I'm about to educate you if you don't know nothing about football then you don't know nothing about nothing but you know who does my next guest also I forgot to say welcome to the bumper podcast what's going on my man oh hi are you kid football are you the super speeder are you the running machine oh well this is more exciting than I thought it was gonna be tell me what happened today on flag football Sunday playoff you ran the whole field so you were on one side of the field and then you ran where was it again the entire football field I am very very very impressed did you how did it feel felt good are you gonna give me one word answers for the rest of the show no oh there he goes ladies and gentlemen kid football best football play I saw all day all day you know what I'm saying all right I'm gonna hand this over now we're gonna talk to somebody else somebody also very important in my life somebody who is a trampoline wizard somebody who can run from a dog in the back of the car and run from a dog in the backyard like you don't even know what's happening like it ain't even hard at all let's and lemons and then it's a little bit right pa this is a blip blip blip blip blip ladies and gentlemen here he is Oliver Cornelius tell me what's going on what is my name my name is sporty bumper car I guess I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I didn't really think too I didn't think too hard about the I didn't think obviously I didn't think too hard about the voice because I was baby it was basically Rufus T Rufus and the name I obviously didn't think about very hard either hey everybody it's me Natty bumper car we had a big football game today with Emerson he did wonderful his team that Rufus is gone Rufus that wasn't Rufus that was sporty bumper car remember we just established that yeah usually I work that stuff out before starting the podcast today I did not do that today I did not do that today I did not do that today I did not do that today I did not I did not but Emerson so his team was the Jaguars he played flag football his team was 0 and 5 that means they had lost five games a whole season and then they're in the playoffs they're playing the Cowboys who were 1 and 4 which means they won one game lost four games and lo and behold the Jaguars came through what was the final score 24 to 6 was the final score so Emerson scored a touchdown it was his first touchdown and he was the first to score a touchdown of the season I was a very proud papa that other thing was in the preseason all right so anyway Ollie tell me about yourself what'd you do today I went to the pool you went to the you played pool no I went to the pool oh you went to the pool I see how was that good did you float on top did you sink to the bottom did you float on top or did you

    Unknown: swim a little bit did you go off the diving board the high dive I wasn't even there and you went off

    Natty Bumpercar: the high dive who protected you who saved you you don't even love me anymore you don't even need me oh thank you Oliver did the sweetest thing in the world this week it made my heart cry a little bit so what happened was I had a mug of tea it got knocked over it got cracked and broken and I was so what happened was I had a mug of tea it got knocked over it got cracked and broken and I was sad and then Oliver went to camp and he made me a new mug of tea and a new mug for my tea and what did you want to write he made me a new mug of tea and a new mug for my tea and what did you want to write you dad and what were you gonna put next to the words Oh it's but like I because I didn't have that mug we had an old mug and I added you THANK YOU standing with me and you can point the finger I through the google right there this is the

    Unknown: first one after the third the fifth and fourth are twelfth from the fourth is the number one and you're going to play a game and you're going to have a game tomorrow don't you think you're gonna play I didn't have that much time.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's okay. I loved it so much. It was the sweetest thing you've ever done in my entire life.

    Unknown: I changed it to that I love you.

    Natty Bumpercar: Aw. Ladies and gentlemen, what you're hearing right now is the love of a father and a son over tea. Tea for me. What's that? That little line right there? Whoa. Ollie, who is a professional podcaster at this point, noticed, because we do use templates for our Bumper podcast, that one of the tracks was not cleared out by our engineer, producer. I'm very sorry about that. It's okay, producer. But listen. And so he saw that there was a track coming up that was going to interfere with our vocal track, and so he quietly let me know, and we paused it and fixed it. High five. High five, Bumper podcaster. Good. Bumper podcaster. Bumper pod… Bumper… Bumper…

    Unknown: Bumper podcast group.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, Bumper podcast group. Bumper podcast cateers. Where are we headed to now, guys?

    Unknown: Time Warp and then the movie theater.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, we're headed to Time Warp Comics here in lovely Cedar Grove, New Jersey.

    Unknown: And then we're going to see Spider-Man fall from home.

    Natty Bumpercar: And then we're going to see Spider-Man fall from home. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man.

    Unknown: That is not going to make it. That is definitely not going to cover my eyes when Spider-Man is fighting the Fire Monster.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wait, Oliver, you're too young to see Spider-Man, aren't you?

    Unknown: I'm going to cut all your hair.

    Natty Bumpercar: Emmy, stop. See, we're actually doing something. Why don't you go upstairs and get ready, and then we'll come up and get you.

    Unknown: And my dad's dad sent the Nairam some stink bombs.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, it's true. I did get a bottle. I did get a box in the mail that had not only stink bombs, but emotional bombs as well. Ah.

    Unknown: What?

    Natty Bumpercar: What? What does that even mean? No. Emotional. That's what I said.

    Unknown: Are you going to use them?

    Natty Bumpercar: Do you know whose birthday is this week, Ollie?

    Unknown: Emerson's.

    Natty Bumpercar: Huh?

    Unknown: Emerson's?

    Natty Bumpercar: Is it Emerson's birthday this week?

    Unknown: I have zero idea.

    Natty Bumpercar: You have zero idea whose birthday it is. That's interesting. Let's see if we can find your brother. Hey, Emerson. Are you around? Do you have any idea? So we're coming up. Whose birthday is next in our family?

    Unknown: I think it's Emerson's.

    Natty Bumpercar: It's whose? It's mine. It's my birthday. When is it? Do you know? No idea?

    Unknown: No idea.

    Natty Bumpercar: Ollie has zero idea. Well, guys, funny thing. To get these tickets to see Spider-Man, you actually have to know when my birthday is. So I guess it's today. Is it really? No, it's not today. When is it? I'm not telling anybody. You know what, Bumper Podcast Cateers? No, this is what's living right now. You love me more than my own children. On my phone, I replaced the picture of my children and put my dog, Princess Poppy, on there. Even though she doesn't sleep. Even though she bit Emerson's arm today. Because she's a beast.

    Unknown: And she bites me.

    Natty Bumpercar: She bites Ollie all the time. We are in that biting puppy phase. And it's not super pleasant. The what?

    Unknown: Sometimes a kicker.

    Natty Bumpercar: What?

    Unknown: Sometimes a kicker.

    Natty Bumpercar: A kicker?

    Unknown: I sometimes, I kick.

    Natty Bumpercar: No! You're not supposed to do that. That's bad. That's mean.

    Unknown: Wow.

    Natty Bumpercar: Ladies and gentlemen, we… We've been doing this for a long time. Do not. We love our dog very much. And she's 16 weeks old.

    Unknown: We've been doing this for a long time.

    Natty Bumpercar: We've been doing it for 8 minutes and 46 seconds. Should we wrap up? Should we quit? Should we go?

    Unknown: We should never quit.

    Natty Bumpercar: We should never quit. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the 24-7, all-year-round, 365-days-a-year bumper podcast. It's a live stream. It's going to be on for the rest of your life. Please listen. Please like. Please subscribe. You are amazing. Huh? Okay. Oh, wait. We're going to get another friend over. I thought that was a pretty good out. But evidently, Ollie didn't think so. So he's going to go over into… To the basement here at headquarters and find a new friend. Oh. Hey, puppy dog. Who are you? Shrug. The puppy dog shrugged at me. Okay. Bye, puppy dog. Okay. Go away. You're sullying our beautiful podcast. So, Emmer is a touchdown scorer. Ollie is a trampoline monster. And Ollie is a trampoline monster. And I am Natty Bumpercar. And you, you know who you are? You're my best friend. Bumper podcast! Yes! This is what I mean!

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  • Bumperpodcast #341 – New Year, New Car?!

    Bumperpodcast #341 – New Year, New Car?!

    It’s the beginning of the year as I know it, and I feel fine. This episode is told in 3 acts – and, it’s all about getting a new car. Whaaat?!? Listen and learn!

    Also – before we forget, we’re thrilled to have been picked up by the Shining Wizards Network of podcasts. Double-hooray!!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    Podcast: Download | Embed

    Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe