Tag: clean comedy

  • Bumperpodcast #393 – Season 2 – Toe

    Bumperpodcast #393 – Season 2 – Toe

    It has been way too long. Let me explain why – oh – why. ❤️ The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!! Also, also, we have a Patreon page now!!! https://www.patreon.com/nattybumpercar

    About This Episode

    In this personal episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar shares stories from his recent whirlwind trip to Georgia. Natty recounts helping his childhood best friend clean out his parents' house in Macon, Georgia, triggering waves of nostalgia from their friendship that began in traumatic swim lessons at age four. The episode features humorous tales of Southern food adventures including barbecue, Brunswick stew, and a leaky fried chicken restaurant, followed by a grueling 25-hour drive to Boulder, Colorado. Between managing his clumsy cone-wearing puppy Banjo, dealing with a broken trampoline, and hosting a virtual drawing session for schoolchildren, Natty ends the episode explaining how he broke his pinky toe by walking into a cabinet.

    Memorable Quotes

    “They put us at the deep end of the pool… walked up behind us and pushed. Sploosh. Down into the water. That's how we learned to swim… that's a scary way to learn how to swim.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “He's got this cone on his head and he hits me right in the back of the calf… he's very insistent like hey hey hey I'm gonna hit you I'm gonna hit you hard.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I stood up and I walked directly into a very heavy cabinet… I yelped I fell on the ground and I was just like rolling around… Banjo came over with his cone and he tried to love me to death.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #friendship #nostalgia #travel #southernfood #childhoodmemories #pets #injury

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: Well now I went down to Georgia for a while for about four days and now I forgot how to talk because sometimes when I go back home I just start talking like I used to talk which was kind of like this. It wasn't exactly like this but it was kind of like this and I wait a minute no that's not did I? I mean I did go to Georgia. I was there for for three days two days. It was I had the craziest trip you guys. I know you probably like bumper car. You can't just put out an episode a month. I understand that. I know that but life has been coming at me crazy fast. So here's what's been going on. Step one I had to fly to Georgia to help my best friend out. We had to clean his pants. We had to clean his parents house out. We had a I flew to Georgia and then we drove to a place called Macon Georgia. Macon Bacon. Macon Trouble. Macon Macon. Yeah I don't know um and and we we got a 20 foot uh tall. No that'd be amazing. Do you do you know that you know the difference between tall and long? Uh probably right? Like your height that's how tall you are. Your arms if you stretch them out that's how long I don't know. Hard to explain but you know when you're driving down the road and you see a big truck and it's really long or a train that's really long that's that's that's long. That's not a good description is it? Huh that's fine too. Anyway it was a 20 foot long truck and I mean come to think of it it was probably like 12 or 13 feet tall. It was pretty tall and we emptied out the entire house and we were straightening and cleaning and going room by room. And and and getting rid of stuff um because his mom moved to where he lives and so they were getting rid of the house and it was there were emotions. I had emotions. There was a lot of nostalgia. We we drove around. I've known this friend since we were four years old. I used to say three years old but he contends that it was four or five years old and so now I'm like what? Oh so I did give a little bit of ground on the three so now I'll say four. We met when we were um in swim lessons and this is how the swim lessons used to go so just get ready kids. They put us at the deep end of the pool and our swim instructor was this woman and I can't remember her name but she walked up behind us in the deep end of the pool. A four year old. Several of us and put her hand on her back our backs and pushed. Sploosh. Down into the water. That's how we we learned to swim and then she had this thing that she would kind of reach out into the pool and pull us back and and that's not that's a scary way to learn how to swim. I'm just gonna tell you. And so it was through that trauma through that trial by fiery water that we we bonded and we became pals and so this house it I spent more time in this house growing up than in any other house and um so there were a lot of emotions involved with that just you know walking room to room and uh they have a a separate little room it's a bonus room is what they call it oh look at this your house has a bonus room and it's above the garage and it was never finished it was kind of like a big storage area and um it has this smell and it's not a bad smell it's just like when I open the door to look in and see how much stuff I have I'm like oh my god I'm so I was hit by this smell now smell is cool for memory um like you can walk into someplace or and you can smell something and and your mind will just get flooded with all these memories where you're like I remember you know this place and you can just close your eyes and you just know where you are and it's it's just so cool and so that's how it was and we uh so we were down there and we were in the pool and we were like oh my god I'm so excited I'm so excited I'm so excited we're we're packing stuff we get the truck uh we're going to all these places like to eat like you know oh remember this place let's go get food there or whatever and um one of the places i went by myself well i had a big food day which i do not recommend because my tummy still hurts where we had um barbecue and we had something called brunswick stew which is made in brunswick georgia and it's it's this stewy thing that you get at barbecue places and it's so good and after that i went and i got curly fries seasoned curly fries from this place that i really like and then after that i went to another place a fried chicken place and i didn't get fried chicken but i did get a honey buttered biscuit oh it was so good and uh an order of fried okra which is um magical thing and really one of the only ways i'll eat okra because have you ever had okra it's it can be a little creepy if i'm gonna be completely honest um i do like pickled okra but only on very rare occasions uh stewed okra no thank you too slimy too creepy you keep that over there fried okra every day my friend but i'm standing there and well first when i walk into the uh the fried chicken place you know sometimes when you go to stores people will say something like how are you welcome to my store hello customer hello friend whatever it is uh all she said and she just yelled at she she said um what are you having and i was like ah that's a lot of pressure like i want i didn't get to acclimate i didn't get to get my my feet wet but i did almost get my feet wet because about five feet to the right of the register uh where you're you know where you're going to get your food and get your stuff and she's like oh you're an expert so he's like what just friends i'm like realized that we didn't know what it was and so then we had a sir cramp and i thought to myself that i was going to get my phone bill here you know buying the stuff there's a there was a giant hole in the ceiling um where there's all these exposed uh like air conditioner pipes and there was all this water falling not even just dripping but kind of raining and it wasn't raining outside this was internal raining and there was a giant puddle on the floor so there was a there was a big pan that was full of this sealing water and then there was a big puddle on the floor and the whole time i was i like experiences and to me this is an adventure and an experience i'm getting off so i'll very soon without the trip so i'm going to maybe come back so i'll take me there now if somebody's gonna buy me a little bit and to me this is an adventure and experience and I was just like this this is what I want in the world I want weird stuff like this um and what I ended up with uh not gonna lie again a stomach ache and then that night we went to uh downtown Macon which I mean it existed as a thing but it didn't exist like this and we saw a friend and we had dinner outside and there were lights and it was gorgeous and it was the best thing ever anyway loaded the truck and drove all the way to Boulder Colorado 25 hours so far unloaded the truck returned the truck flew back home so tired but good happy right yeah and then on top of that uh my little puppy dog Banjo who's a pointer he had to go get um a little medical procedure done because he's at that certain puppy dog age he's running around the house with a cone and he's already a pretty clumsy dog right he runs into stuff but now he's got this cone on his head and he hits me right in the back of the calf that's like the bottom back of your leg and it hurts so bad and he's very he's not aggressive about it but he's very insistent like hey hey hey I'm gonna hit you I'm gonna hit you hard I'm gonna continually hit you hey guess what I'm still hitting you and it hurts a lot um but that's okay because he just loves that much right and that's a sweet thing what else is going on well our trampoline broke so that's no good because the kids go on it every single day and our neighbor kids go on it too dun dun dun how did it break well trampolines have these cool poles that go around that have a net somehow they broke one of the poles that's broken cool can we fix that I don't know oh but wait hey look we also somehow managed to put a rip in the actual trampoline okay trampoline is gone then no more trampolines so I have to figure that out and then we're gonna have a yard sale in a couple weeks and then I'm doing all this fun stuff for the school I got to do a virtual it was like an hour long draw along with my kids uh school it was like first graders second graders third graders they were and uh we we drew something for the art teacher and it was really fun and it was really it was a great time and I want to do that more often speaking of that I'm going to show you a little bit of a video of me doing a little bit of a thing more often I want to thank Jessica Sager she is our first Patreon Patreoner Patreonee person who Patreons I don't know how it works but it's fun I didn't say her name last time because I wasn't sure if I was allowed to but then I saw she's at the level I'm supposed to talk about her up and down so Jessica Sager you're the best everybody go to patreon.com slash natty bumper car if you want I'd love it I mean I love you regardless but I would super love that it'd be cool um and then this episode is called toe why because I broke my toe today my little toe my pinky toe on my right foot is that nice no how did I do that I stood up and I walked directly into a very heavy cabinet and it I I was on the ground I yelped I fell on the ground and I was just like rolling around like and then you know what happened of course no Rufus T. Rufus didn't show up neither did Pig but Banjo my dog he came over with his cone and he tried to love me to death

    Producer: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com

  • Bumperpodcast #383 – Hiding out

    Bumperpodcast #383 – Hiding out

    Where is Natty and what is up with the Bumperpodcast?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

    About This Episode

    In this chaotic episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar has been living in a dumpster for two weeks after Sal Salesman took over the studio and changed the locks. Using a makeshift mobile recording setup made from rocks, copper wire, and bubble gum, Natty records his predicament while hiding from what he believes is a hostile takeover. Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig eventually find him and reveal he's been unnecessarily hiding – they've been at headquarters eating Funyuns the whole time. The episode captures Natty's descent into dumpster-dwelling madness, his friendship with rats named Ratsky and Raffy, and the gang's efforts to rescue their smelly host from his self-imposed exile.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. There are some lines in society that I will not cross.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “I made a couple of friends in here… It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #misunderstanding #homelessness #friendship #survival #food #dumpsterdiving #podcasting #hygiene

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: holy cow everybody it's me natty bumper car and i know you've been wondering natty where have you been last episode was crazy sal salesman came in and he took over the studio and he made rufus t rufus run away and and and and now what you haven't recorded and so i'm sure you're like is everything okay no it's not okay i'm on the run i'm hiding okay because sal salesman he went in he took over the whole studio he changed the locks i'm actually recording this on my mobile podcast recording equipment so i hope that it sounds okay to you oh man and i don't know about you but it's been so hot so i haven't even had any kind of air conditioning or access to running water or a bathroom anything everything's just gone off the rails here i mean do you even remember when rufus t rufus showed up and he kept trying to take over the show and now the sal salesman shows up and he's rufus is gone i haven't heard anything from him i mean granted i did leave my phone uh back at at headquarters so maybe he's been trying to call me um but i don't know that's a thing and and maybe or email i don't you know i don't really have any way of communicating with anybody right now so i don't know what's going on uh and and it took me this long so my mobile podcast recording studio what i had to do was i got i i got some rocks and i got some twigs and and and i found uh a blue jay which is a bird and the blue jay i asked i said do you have any kind of wire and um he had some copper wire and i said that's bad i don't know what's going on with that perfect and so i traded him some of my sticks for the copper wire and then i wrapped the rocks in copper wire and um i fashioned this kind of a uh what is this thing called uh an antenna um out of the rocks and the wire and and but then it wouldn't stay together so then i had to find some old bubble gum and i used that to kind of stick everything together and uh it didn't do anything it didn't do anything at all um then what i think i hear somebody coming uh i don't i

    Aloysious J. Pig: mean i haven't seen him in a couple of weeks and i ain't know where he is uh that i had to leave headquarters the south salesman said he was gonna start charging me rent and i don't even there's no income i can't you can't charge me rent i live here this is my house yeah you know and and so i

    Natty Bumpercar: don't know i don't know what's going on really and yeah and so i found bumper car's phone oh

    Rufus T. Rufus: so i can't even call him you know i've been trying to call bumper car now for two weeks and ever since the end what we're gonna call the incident you understand the uh the predicament uh the beginning of this this predicament incident the uh the in the infestation is what i'm calling it of that uh that name who's man whose name i shall not repeat uh and and and and so now it makes me a little bit feel better yeah he was not uh public i was not just ignoring no no no he wouldn't know but in fact

    Aloysious J. Pig: seems like he's just disappeared yeah it was the strangest thing like he was there and then poof he

    Natty Bumpercar: was gone right and so we all knocked on his room i thought he was asleep honestly because you know stress sometimes i fall asleep if i get super stressed guys and uh guys it's me get in here

    Rufus T. Rufus: you were hiding right there the whole time no no no not the whole time but be quiet i don't want

    Natty Bumpercar: anybody to see us just just come on in here and and and and and we can talk about this we can we can we can talk we can figure some stuff out uh you understand this is you're in a dumpster right now this is an act you're you're hanging out in the dumpster this is where you you you live no no it's not where i live clearly but uh i i it was raining a lot and then it was really hot and i didn't know where to go and it seemed like a good place except on tuesdays uh because that's when the big trucks come and so i have to clear everything out and and and and and and i can't be in here Normally, it's watertight. There are some mice who hang out in here.

    Rufus T. Rufus: No, so those are rats. Rats hang out in garbage cans. It doesn't matter. You're hanging out with rats right now.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fine. Mice, rats, it doesn't matter. Potato, potato, they're the same thing. I'm going to have to side with Rofus here. These mice and rats are completely different. Mice are cute, big ears, cartoony. Rats, scary, kind of disease-carrying, big scary teeth, claws. No, not the same at all. Not potato, not potato. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Doesn't matter. Anyway, this is where we are right now. So hop on in and let's make a plan.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Now, you know, I do not think that I will be doing that. And if you want, I was going to say we could go down to the diner or something, have a snack, a light lunch. I am not going to be getting into a trash can with you, sir. Not necessary, not appropriate. Now, I understand you're terrified of this Sal Salesman. He did definitely pull a woolly trick over our eyes. However.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I'm going to side real quick here with Rufus again. This is two for me. I'm not going to get in a garbage can. And this is a pig.

    Natty Bumpercar: I am a pig. Aloysius J. Pig. I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. You understand? There are some lines in society that I will not cross. Fine, fine. I will hop out and then we can go somewhere else, but we do definitely need to have a meeting because, oh, I should tell you also, I am recording this right now. This is going to be an episode of the podcast.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, what are you recording it with? That don't make no sense. We're not the studios back at the house at headquarters and you're sleeping in a dumpster. So how are you making this into a podcast?

    Natty Bumpercar: I don't understand. So I have a mobile podcast recording studio that I've set up here and it's got rocks and it's got some wires and some gum and then also I bought this little handheld radio to do because that other stuff really wasn't working, but I kept it around because I had spent so much time, working on it, so it's kind of a mixture of both of them. Good, you know, there's no such thing as a bad idea, right, guys? There's good, there's just good ideas and some other ideas that maybe aren't as well thought through. Okay. And so they're not as good yet, I think. Yeah, so, buddy, when's the last time you ate food or took a shower?

    Rufus T. Rufus: Oh my goodness. We cannot go to the diner. You smell… Horrific right now, Mr. Bumper. Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fine, cool. But I've been in here for a while and so, fine, maybe I smell a little bit, but we can, let's just go to a restaurant and I can hop into the bathroom and I can just kind of wash my hands instead. No shit. This is, we're well beyond a hand washing. Why don't we just go back to headquarters? You clean up a little bit and take a shower, clean, change your clothes, maybe burn those clothes and then we can all have a quick little meeting. But we, I can't, we can't go back to headquarters because Sal Salesman is there and he says he changed the locks and he's taken over the whole Bumper podcast and everything and, Rufus, I thought you would have like contracts or papers. Or something that would, you know, make it so that this wouldn't happen, but I don't know what's going on with this guy.

    Rufus T. Rufus: As I, as I, as I said earlier, he did pull a woolly trick over our eyes, but here's the thing, I am very prepared emotionally, fiduciary, inspirationally. What? And what for? For such circumstances and let's just say that the law is on our side. Yeah, Bumper go.

    Natty Bumpercar: So, this doesn't make, what do you mean, like, we can go back to headquarters? Yeah, absolutely. Well, so why have I been sleeping inside of a dumpster? Well. It doesn't make any sense. Why didn't somebody come and get me or tell me? So you, you, you left your phone at home and we've been calling you, we've been emailing you, I even, I sent some text messages, some private, like I was sending, it was everything we could think of,

    Aloysious J. Pig: to get in touch with you, but we've all, I mean, like, there was that first day with Sal Salesman, but other than that,

    Natty Bumpercar: we've all pretty much been at home and just hanging out, eating all the food. By the way, we are out of Funyuns, so if we could rectify that situation, that'd be pretty nice. What's he doing?

    Rufus T. Rufus: Is he crying or is he laughing or coughing? You know what, you're okay. Come on now. Let's just get you on out of the dumpster house and let's go on back to headquarters and we can explain everything that happened and it's going to be all right. Okay, okay, okay.

    Natty Bumpercar: Except for the Funyuns. Don't forget those. Of course, the Funyuns. Yeah. The Funyuns. Well, they're a delicious snack and I think they're healthy for you too.

    Rufus T. Rufus: We aren't going to start saying what's healthy and what's not healthy because that'll, because that opens up an entire other legal battalion, you understand, of reciprocation and personification and whatnot. These are all legal languagees, languageas that you don't have to worry about, but let's just steer clear if you do catch my drift.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I agree with that. That makes total sense to me. Wow. Wow. I can't wait to hear how… I can't wait to hear what happened. I can't believe that I've been hiding out here and you guys have been at home eating Funyuns all week and… Yeah, well, yeah, it's okay. All right, cool. Yeah, it's all cool. It's all gravy, okay? So listen, I think whatever you've been recording, you should probably get rid of. This isn't really good for distribution, understand? You know, the sound quality. You're recording with rocks and wire. Nope. It's not gonna work. Listen, you know the motto. We record it, we post it. That's how this just always worked. Because otherwise, people are gonna be confused. They're probably thinking the same thing that I was thinking. They're just like, well, the Bumper Podcast must be gone. Got bought by Sal Salesman. And so this at least gives some insight, I guess.

    Rufus T. Rufus: Fine, we'll keep the episode. But do you think I'm gonna be able to go back and do some editing, some scrubbing? Of the whole Funyun thing? Because I really don't want that out there. My paperwork plate is very full right now, and I don't have time for some shenanigans. That might be a good idea. Yeah, we can try that.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay, yeah, I mean, I can give it a shot. So you guys just go on ahead, and I just have a couple of things to do here. What are you doing?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Why are you climbing back into the dumpster?

    Natty Bumpercar: What are you doing, Bumper? Well, no, I just, I made a couple of friends in here, and so I just need to talk to them about the situation. And we were gonna have, like, with the mobile podcasting studio, like, our own new thing,

    Rufus T. Rufus: and I don't know. Pig, you grab his feet, I'll grab his hands. Let's just get this kid out of here. He needs to take a bath right now. Some lavender-scented salts or something like that. It'll bring you back. A little cup of orange juice, maybe a vitamin or two. Nice pillow. Fine, fine. Much better in the morning.

    Natty Bumpercar: All right, fine, fine. I'll come with you. Uh, hey, Ratsky, Raffy, I'll come back for you, I promise. It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I'll grab his feet.

    Producer: This has been a Non-Productive Media presentation, executive producer Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

    Unknown: . . .

  • Bumperpodcast #334 – The FLOOD

    Bumperpodcast #334 – The FLOOD

    Headquarters has flooded – and not with emotions – but, with disgusting water… Join for some lamenting from the crew – and see how well your empathy muscles are working.

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

     


    About This Episode

    In this emotional episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar recounts the harrowing experience of catastrophic flooding at his house. After five inches of rain in 30 minutes, Natty, his wife, and the puppet crew including Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, and a newly voice-updated Robot battled rising water for hours. The episode details their desperate three-hour bucket brigade moving nearly 2,000 gallons of water, a failed sump pump, and the heartbreaking aftermath of losing possessions. Natty shares raw emotions about dealing with the disaster while offering humor through the puppet characters' reactions, from Pig's tiny bucket contributions to Rufus's obsession with legal documentation.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I actually grabbed a very tiny bucket because you know I'm just a little pig with little hooves and so I can't move a lot of water but I was there to offer support to everybody.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “You know what makes me keep going? I'm pointing at you Bumperpodcast caters because you're my pals you keep me dry except for my eyes because sometimes I do cry a little bit.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Hey everybody you want to go to my new restaurant? It's called Slop House and Stink Water.”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    Topics: #flooding #homedisaster #family #resilience #insurance #emergency #exhaustion

    Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Doodle Poodle, Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig

    Full Transcript

    Unknown: Oh The floods the floods the floods the floods

    Rufus T. Rufus: I am your lawyer Rufus T Rufus I was been wondering if you have any Documentation maybe a stacks of paper stacks upon stacks upon stacks upon stacks that you might have put your pronometer on your signature at the bottom of which would indicate that there perhaps will be some coverage Situation as the one that we are currently finding ourselves in

    Doodle Poodle: I think I What in the what?

    Natty Bumpercar: Robot can help me No Okay, first things first Rufus I will get to you in a second I'm sorry that I'm crying, but I'm in an upsetting situation second thing more important thing Not really, but kind of robot you sound completely different. What happened to you?

    Doodle Poodle: Somebody completely

    Aloysious J. Pig: updated my vocal Chips and so long Kind of sound like this

    Natty Bumpercar: No Stop stop stop. Okay. Thanks. What no, oh my gosh Okay, I haven't heard you on the podcast in like two years and now you have a completely different voice and it freaks me out And I'm not a fan of it but more importantly I think we should talk about what happened in our house last week because it's a very sad thing and it keeps happening and why does it keep happening and I just

    Aloysious J. Pig: Hey everybody, it's me Aloysius J. Pig what bumper cars having a tough time talking about articulating Of course is that we had a flood in our house It was an epic flood out in front of our house The road was off what and a half deep like literally I couldn't even walk in it or it's over my belly button my piggy belly Button and no one wants to see that believe you me now the river It's not even a river There's a little stream of runoff stream across the road wind up 10 feet and it became part of the road Holy cannoli right

    Doodle Poodle: Did somebody say cannoli. err err err it's me dildo poodle And I was wondering if anybody knows where this water came from Because I don't like to do đil dildos water it's not a fun thing for me to draw okay thanks hi doodle poodle hi pig hi okay everybody

    Natty Bumpercar: everybody's here great listen i'm gonna need a list from all of you of the stuff that you had that got messed up in the flood so that i can i have to give it to the insurance guy and anyway here's what happened bumper podcast we had crazy storms last saturday night and we got like five inches of rain in like 30 minutes something's in just doesn't happen type of thing and there was all this water in front of the house i think pig was talking about the street it was like a foot and a half deep and then the backyard just started filling up with water filling up with water and then there was like a river to the side of our house like it was just like water everywhere and we were watching it and then i went downstairs and i was like okay sump pump's working we're okay if you don't know a sump pump is a little hole in the corner of your basement if you think you might get water and you try to divert the water there so that a little pump which is down in the hole and the hole is called a sump don't know why but that little pump will then pump the water out to wherever you want it to go our little pipe goes out to the street the street that was underwater so the little pump it couldn't do it it couldn't push the water out into the river out there and so it started to back up right okay that's terrifying and then you turn and you look to the back of the house and you see a little pipe and it's like a little pipe and it's like a little house and there are two sinks there right by our washer and dryer and those started to fill up and not slowly like they really they were like water and we were like okay what do we do so we all

    Aloysious J. Pig: grabbed buckets i actually grabbed a very tiny bucket because you know i'm just a little pig with little hooves and so i can't move a lot of water but i was there to offer support to everybody and to really cheer the team on you know and so i was there to offer support to everybody and to know because i didn't want all that water to go everywhere i get allergies i get mold affliction i

    Rufus T. Rufus: don't want none of that now excuse me aloysius i heard you get the mold affliction i believe in my briefcase that i have some sort of documentation that i might need you to sign which will go pro facto ipso facto into the folder the dossier if you will to the loyification to make sure that any of your ailments are prescribed and entraved in a legal fashion you understand what i'm saying he fine whatever uh so

    Natty Bumpercar: the water started coming up through the sink and we all like i had two big five gallon buckets and my wife had a five gallon and like we're just running them up the stairs as fast as we can but by the time it takes us to get upstairs which i'm talking maybe a minute maybe you know like whatever it's not not much time and we're throwing the water out into the yard and we run back down getting it throw the water like up and down up and down for three hours we did this and so we were trying to figure out if we were doing 10 gallons at a time and so she was doing five so i was probably doing let's say i did 40 buckets in an hour so three hours 40 80 120 so that's 1200 gallons of water that i moved and she probably moved about six five about 500 so we're almost at two thousand gallons seventeen hundred whatever a lot of water we were running out and like the floor was getting slippery so you you get so tired and exhausted and you're trying to move all this water you get to the top of the stairs and you slip and fall and then more water would go everywhere it was a nightmare and we couldn't keep up with all the water that was coming out of the sink and so then that's just pouring into the house and pouring into the house and then the sump was over overloaded right it couldn't do anything it was trying to push the water out and it couldn't and then i kind of i didn't know what i just kind of i said i don't know if this sump pump is working and so i just shoved my hand in there and all the stuff that had been coming in through the sink was clogging the sump so i had to like clean it out with my hand right then luckily we had a friend who's a fireman and i called him and i was just like do you have they have these submersible pumps that you can put in for stuff like this and he happened to have one it was a war zone outside of my house there's like just dirt and rocks everywhere and limbs and just fire department and police everywhere and it was a nightmare city right i got the pump i got it home and we put it in and we're still like you know pushing water out getting the water out just bone tired and then

    Rufus T. Rufus: you know finally we were good for the night now when you say you was good for the night is that good in quotations i'm assuming and i'm hoping that you were able to take some sort of a shower something i wouldn't want you getting into that bed of yours all full of stink water and yucky times like that what's

    Aloysious J. Pig: stink water i never heard of stink water i feel like that's something that i could really market and sell to the pig population like hey everybody you want to go to my uh my new restaurant it's called slop house and stink water i don't know it just sounds like something that we could probably you know market put a tag on put a price on put a shell on get it on get it on you know what i'm saying like that and that's our commercial now we got a commercial we got a brand name we got a product we're going to the top with

    Natty Bumpercar: this when i feel like huh well okay so whatever so we went to bed yes i was able to take a shower thank you very much for asking rufus even though it's kind of creepy uh because we were discussed i was disgusting i was so i was covered in just horrible nastiness and i passed out at like 10 30 so tired then 4 a.m comes and the uh i went downstairs at 1 30 just because i was kind of shell shocked and i was terrified i was like i'm gonna make sure that the water's gone water was fine no water some pump was working went back to sleep 4 a.m the wife's like it came back and so we run downstairs and i was like in a dream state i was so beat up tired and i got downstairs and we had another six inches so the first time we got like 15 inches right the second time we got six inches uh luckily we were able to save the water heater and the uh furnace barely like by an eighth of an inch which is not very much we had to have the firemen come the policemen they came and they checked it out to make sure the pilot light wasn't uh off or whatever because then you got just gas coming into your house and then your house can blow up which i didn't i don't want my house to blow up and um the policeman when he came i forgot i was on the top of my steps and it didn't even register in my brain but i was talking to him he was down on the on the sidewalk and i was talking to him eye to eye and then he got up on the steps next to me he was probably seven foot four he was very tall and i was so tired and my brain just didn't know and i went wow you're you're really tall huh and he was just like looked at me like what do you what do you what do you want what are you talking to me for and i was like i don't know you're in my house this is weird i'm tired anyway we come downstairs and he was like why did you call and i was like i thought i was supposed to call because i called 911 and he was just like is it an emergency and i was like yeah my basement's flooded and you know because the last time five years ago our basement flooded for completely different reasons we had an oil tank in the draw under the driveway when we bought the house and when they removed it they excavated which means take out a lot of dirt right because there was leaky oil so they had to fix it they filled all that in with uh gravel but they didn't cap it off they didn't put new uh driveway on top of it for like two months and the water came in that way so this is a completely different situation but we've had floods before and that time it was right after we moved in and so we were using the basement as kind of a staging area and it was really that time was so heartbreaking because we lost everything we lost like all of our wedding pictures and just old mementos and so so much art and stuff and it was it was terrible this time it was terrible also but just for different reasons just for the exhaustion of it like did we lose stuff yes you know we lost a big pile of stuff there was a crib there was a vacuum there was this there was that whatever just stuff um you know you just kind of take pictures of and throw away but it's just it's more the mental anguish of it and then i was talking to somebody and i joke you not this was his reaction to it and it was somebody in a position of power and he went well i don't understand why didn't you just fix it this is like this is not a question that you ask of someone when they're going through a tragedy and bumper podcast caters this was a tragedy this was a horrible miserable bear in mind there are people who have it much worse than we do that did not make it out like their whole houses are wrecked like we got off fairly easy fairly well thank goodness right but there are some people who didn't but he didn't know that and i was like so affected by that and i was like i was like i was like i was like i was like i was like i was like offended i was just like all right and i just had to walk away because i was just like i don't even want to have a conversation with this person because i'm already tired enough but you know what makes me keep going you know what makes me happy i got you know what i'm doing right now i'm pointing at you i'm pointing at you bumper podcast caters because you're my pals you keep me dry except for my eyes because sometimes sometimes i do cry a little bit thank you so much have the best day

    Unknown: and thank you for watching you