Tag: chaos

Bumperpodcast #368 – Spicy Socks

Popcorn the dog has been feasting on socks – which leads to a bit of a kerfuffle, and to a potential business opportunity!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode 368 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar faces a crisis when his dog Popcorn develops an insatiable appetite for socks. Aloysious J. Pig breaks the news that the puppy has destroyed every sock in the house, leading to a chaotic discussion about puppy behavior and responsibility. The situation escalates when a mysterious new lawyer named Frenchie appears on the scene, creating confusion and competition with the show's resident lawyer Rufus T. Rufus. With Producer possibly masquerading as the French attorney, the episode spirals into comedic chaos. Despite the sock-eating mayhem and legal shenanigans, Natty shares exciting news about new Bumperpodcast business cards and stickers for 2020.

Memorable Quotes

“The weirdest part was I went into her little dog house and found a stack of papers. She had actually written up a business plan for a kiosk in the mall called Spicy Socks.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Oh, hello. It's I'm Frenchie. It's a new lawyer in the neighborhood. And I am very good at the law, the American law.”
— Producer/Frenchie

“Don't let lawyers get involved with your dog's dreams. Don't let lawyers step all over your puppy's plans.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #dogs #puppies #lawyers #comedy #pets #businessplans #competition #chaos

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Frenchie (Producer), Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: good good good good good morning good afternoon good evening whatever time it is that you're listening to the bumper podcast we greatly appreciate you being here and why well because there's 18 bazillion other things that you could be doing with your time but you're choosing to spend it with me and i appreciate that because i miss you guys i miss you guys a lot every day that i don't record i end up missing you did you miss me too hi pig hey what's going on bumpsy so here's the thing uh uh your dog uh popcorn was uh down in the basement need a laundry room and i'd like for you just to take a guess at what she was doing down the uh the basement is where the laundry is where the laundry room where the laundry baskets where the laundry chute is it's also where things are folded please tell me that she did not get into the socks she got she got into the socks you told yeah well so here's the thing uh nobody has socks anymore we are now officially a sock free house i don't know what it is she i never seen they eat no paints i never seen they eat no shirts but uh socks she's all about them socks don't matter if it's uh pig socks if it's bumper car socks uh old socks new socks red socks blue socks you see what i'm doing there huh so all gone i mean the sock is mostly still there but the uh the foot part gone the toe part gone okay but it is tubes you have fabric tubes all right excuse me uh this is really annoying like guys have you ever had a puppy and uh when they eat stuff all the time i think i've mentioned it before when we first got popcorn uh she's a little beagle black lab kind of cute kind of smallish about 33 pounds uh um she people were like watch out she's gonna eat everything and i was like i've had a dog at irving brown socks he didn't eat anything he was wonderful oh no no no no no no it could not have been more off the mark this dog eats everything uh the sofa she ate that a sofa couch how does a dog do that remote controls two of them shoes one two three four pairs of shoes two pairs of flip-flops i mean the list is never ending the socks after socks after socks after socks it's it's just too much um hmm so how do i handle this oh now excuse me i do believe that we have a predicament here why some sort of liturgy liturgist liturgitude lawyer talk speak if you if you catch my drift if you understand what i'm saying okay so i do i hmm hey rufus i do understand what you're saying but i don't think we need a lawyer right now at this point for the dog who ate some socks that's exactly what someone who would say who in fact very much did require having the services of someone who is scholastically trained in such situations as sock eating hey bump akari didn't wait rufus you actually went to school for sock eating law i didn't even know that was a thing well hold on a second maybe we do need them bump I know he can be a bit much, but in this situation, maybe he's going to be able to guide us. Maybe they'll actually be worth something for once finally, right? I don't know. Well, no. I think the answer is no. She's a dog. She's a puppy. We have to be better about putting our things away and making sure she doesn't get into places where she can eat things. I know it's hard to believe, but she's just a puppy, and we're responsible for her. And so we have to help her to make better decisions and not be in situations where bad stuff can happen. Now, as I was flipping through my law books here, I did come across a precedent-setting case of SOC law in which… The perpetrator did actually have to re-encompensate the affiliated members of the action in which the perpetration was, in fact, perpetrated. So what I'm saying is, son, now what I'm saying is, the law has spoken. Safe bump? It's that easy? The law has spoken. The law has spoken. I mean, case closed? No. I don't know. No. So here's the thing. When people… We got the puppy, and people said, oh, she's going to eat things. She's going to eat things. And then she started eating things. I started doing some internet research, and it was one of those situations where it was just like, how to get your puppy to stop eating things it's not supposed to. And it said to actually add… There was like this, a powder, right? A little spray. And it was a spray, but it was kind of dry when it came out, like a powder. And it was like some sort of hot cayenne, like pepper. And I was like, ooh, is that going to hurt the puppy? And so I got it, and I tried it. And just on a couple of pairs of socks. And she ran over like a bolt of lightning and ate… Like almost the whole sock before I could get it away from her. And the look in her eye, she was just like, yes. Yes, I do like spicy socks. And the weirdest part of that was I went into her little dog house, into her little area, and I found a stack of papers. And she had actually written up a business plan for like a kiosk in the mall, like those little… If you're in a mall and have little restaurants or little things in the middle, like, oh, you can get a pretzel, you can get a drink, whatever. She made a business plan, and it was really well written for a place, a little restaurant called Spicy Socks. So I don't know if I should… I mean, if this is her passion, then maybe I should just let it happen. Maybe I'm the problem here. I don't know. Now, of course, you are the problem, Mr. Bumpercar, as you always tend to be. Now, as far as these documents that you discovered, who exactly was the person who put them together? Because I do not understand, according to my log, that I was ever approached for such things. Oh, yeah. Rufus, you ain't heard? There's a new lawyer dude in town setting up shop. I don't know what his name is. It's like… I forget what his name is. It's like Frenchie or… I don't know. Something like that. But he seems like really good, and his rates are really good. And maybe he took over? I don't know. There's just been a lot… I'm just saying there's a little competition up in your area right now. I should ask Popcorn about this.

Frenchie (Producer): Who's… What? Oh, hello. It's… I'm Frenchie. It's a new lawyer in the neighborhood. And I am very good at the law, the American law. I went through all the schools, and I did all of the things. And believe me, you are in good hands with Frenchie, me lawyer. And I will protect you. And I understood the stock law. And I can do all of the things that is… Oh, hello. This is absolute.

Natty Bumpercar: My name is Rufus T. Rufus. And I have a lot of letters after my name because I have so many degrees, and they had to make them into letters. And I am the lawyer, imperate, in trans…

Producer: In trans-fu-ma-si-o-ne. Yes, in trans-fu-ma-si-o-ne. Don't you try to help me now. Well, I'm just trying to help.

Natty Bumpercar: You ain't. You're hop-stepping on my lily pad here. I'm the lawyer. I am. I am the lawyer, sir.

Producer: Now, sir, there are plenty of rooms everywhere around here for lawyers. And I am another lawyer, and I will be the helping man to the peoples. All of these peoples everywhere.

Natty Bumpercar: Pig, do you notice anything about this lawyer? Yeah. He sounds a lot like producer does.

Producer: Actually, I don't think that he sounds… …anything like me, even a little bit at all, and I bet he doesn't even seem… I would agree totally with this frog man that I don't sound anything like him. He clearly has his own accent, I clearly have my own accent, and they're very far apart. I am a lawyer, he is a frog. And I am a frog, and he is a lawyer, so he's very different. I don't think that it's happening here.

Natty Bumpercar: You know, Bumpercar, I didn't want to get back into the fray, as it were, but I do feel like I hear similarities in the voice of patterns, if you will. Maybe something I can look into as a copyright infringement. I'm going to shut this new lawyer down. Too sweet. Oh, man. All right, so what do we talk about today? There's a dog eating socks, going to open up a stand called Spicy Socks, there's a new lawyer called Frenchie, this show is off the rails. Yeah, I agree. But, here's a cool thing. We're going to figure all this lawyer-y stuff out in the back room, but neat things are happening in 2020. It's 2020, y'all. 2020. And I, we got business cards made with the podcast, and they're really cool. I'll probably post those when I post this episode. We also were getting stickers made of the podcast, and my goal for those is, is if people will listen to the show, and will subscribe to it, and will write a little review, then, you know, like give it a little rating, then that's awesome. That helps us out so much. Because as much as we… We all love getting down here and making this for you, we want other people to hear it, too. And so that's the ultimate goal. So I will let people know how they can get these stickers as soon as I kind of figure it all out and put it onto the internet webs. But anyway, I want you to know, Popcorn's a good dog. She's just a hungry dog. And sometimes puppies are going to make business plans about eating. So… That's just something that's going to happen. But what I would say is, don't let lawyers get involved with your dog's dreams. Don't let lawyers step all over your puppy's plans. She's… My puppy is smart. She knows what she's doing. She goes down to the local library. She does her research. And I'm… I'm here for her. Whatever she needs, I'm here for. Bumps, have you tried the spicy sauce? They are, uh, not so good. Yeah, I actually did try these things and was in the hospital for several days. I do not want to be involved with this business unless it's people suing, litigating against it. This place is going to fold like a deck of cards.

Producer: Haha, you have fallen into my trap. And that is, officially you have said bad things about my client's business. That you should not have said on the podcast. I will be suing you, Rufus T. Rufus. Get your papers ready because I'll be coming for you and taking you downtown.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, now I'm officially confused. Was that the Frenchie lawyer or was that producer? I honestly can't tell anymore. It's officially the mystery of the week.

Unknown: Okay, well, I don't like that. You're still young and you can still lose to the送 XX. Fine, I'll give you another chance. This can't be working. When has Mia been straightforwarded on? Now I have asked Maria over time. To confirm, you now personally have made a request for your son, but you still do not yet. Have you received a copy of the contract? What do we do? Yes, Music Video Coding program. We are the same agency as Rufus. And we love agenda cool. Where'sinas? This is Chris. This is Alex.

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January 24, 2020
Bumperpodcast #351 – Owly

Our house has turned into a zoo! There are so many animals around that I have to call upon help to tell you all about them. One guest gets a bit out of control. That guest

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar attempts to record with some very unconventional guests – including Owly the Owl, Brownie the Rabbit, and special appearance by Emerson. What starts as a discussion about crazy happenings at Natty's house quickly devolves into delightful mayhem as the animals peck at microphones, chase snowballs, and interrupt constantly. Between the interruptions, Natty manages to share stories about the amazing wildlife visiting their backyard, including a baby deer with its mother, a three-foot garden snake dubbed "Snacky Snake," groundhogs, chipmunks, squirrels, and a protective mama robin guarding her nest of blue eggs. It's a hilariously out-of-control episode that proves why people say "never work with kids or animals."

Memorable Quotes

“Don't work with kids or animals, they told me. Look at what I do. Kids and animals all day.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Can the snake's name be Snacky? Snacky Snake? Yeah. Oh, buddy, I'm Snacky Snake.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I eat squirrels and bird seed… We should open a restaurant up called uh snb squirrels and birdseed.”
— Owly

Topics: #animals #nature #wildlife #backyard #chaos #spring #family

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: oh well well well hello there bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and i have been gone for a little while because there's been crazy stuff happening here no not a lazy river like the last episode would make you think but extra super duper crazy stuff but i don't feel like i could tell you all about it myself i need somebody to help me tell you about it um oh hi owl how are you good you're good it's so sweet to see you are you enjoying the spring weather yes oh that's so nice what have you been doing all day sleeping you've been sleeping all day wait do you sleep during the day isn't that when people

Unknown: get stuff done yes but i kind of wake up when it's 10 o'clock at 10 o'clock in the morning or

Natty Bumpercar: 10 o'clock at night um

Unknown: um um

Natty Bumpercar: eight o'clock eight eight o'clock all right all right so you are awake during the day see i had always heard and you can tell me if i'm wrong because you would know that owls are nocturnal is that true but i am not nocturnal you're on not you're de-nocturnal yeah you're oh oh un-nocturnal well so do you sleep at night then yes oh that's cool um where do you sleep you sleep with who who's oliver i'm oliver dad oh oh you're oliver yeah and who's the uh who's the owl his name is owie owly the owl he's a very sweet little owl i wasn't expecting him to be here today are you pecking at the microphone owie yes that's not appropriate at all this is very expensive equipment this is going to come out of your money owlie go get your wallet i don't have any you don't you don't have a wallet well then you're in big trouble you know what i am not taking bird seed to pay for this stuff hey what what owls eat anyway i eat bird seeds oh you do eat bird seed okay well it's good that what was it two weeks ago or last week we we put the bird feeders out and we started putting a lot of stop eating the cord that's gonna wreck the whole pot you are not good guest owlie oh my goodness what are you looking at what are you doing over there you stop looking over there that's not your stuff oh my goodness you're worse than the kids are anyway owlie i'm so glad that you're here because it's a good um way for us to talk about some other crazy things that have been happening around our house for instance have we had some guests at the house recently yes like in the backyard yes who did we see in the backyard uh a baby deer

Unknown: with his mom and the groundhog oh he saw a groundhog today i only i only saw a squirrel

Natty Bumpercar: oh you didn't see you didn't what did you see a squirrel oh you saw a squirrel i wanted to get out and eat you wanted to eat the squirrel owlie relax slow your roll buddy i eat squirrels and bird seed squirrels and bird seed all day we should open a restaurant up called uh snb squirrels and birdseed and then when people walk in we'll be like welcome to squirrels and birdseed come um so we had a baby deer and it was maybe like two days old it was a brand new baby deer and uh remember it was laying down in the grass and it couldn't even stand up where are you going you stay over here you don't have to fly away for owlie um and but then we were worried but then its mommy showed up and what did his mommy do um take care yeah she took care of that little baby it was the sweetest thing i've ever seen oh owlie would you stop it focus on the microphone we're only here for a few minutes um and then oh what did we see what was it three days after the baby deer it was long it was skinny it was terrifying remember mommy saw it in the back by the wall oh and then emerson's oh hey emerson's here too emmer well actually what did we see in the backyard a garden snake so i looked it up and i didn't know if it was a garter snake or a garden snake

Unknown: garden snake

Natty Bumpercar: listen evidently there's the same there's the same ones there's a gartner g-a-t-n-e-r gart gardener garter i don't know and a garden snake gardener snake i don't know i don't know what kind of snake it was But it was long, and it was brown, and it had little yellow stripes. And I'm originally from Georgia. Don't you turn that off, Allie. I need that on. We have dirty, dirty clothes. Don't work with kids or animals, they told me. Look at what I do. Kids and animals all day. Would you stop pecking? That's Mommy's sweater. Allie, you're not a moth. Good gravy. So we had, Emerson, come talk about the snake, because I feel like you can talk about that.

Unknown: The snake was skinny and long.

Natty Bumpercar: But how big was it, do you think?

Unknown: It was, like, probably three feet.

Natty Bumpercar: You think it was that big? Yeah. What are you? Oh, hi, bunny rabbit. Let's not stand on the computer.

Unknown: My name is Brownie.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, your name is Brownie? Hi, Brownie. How are you? Good. You know what? We've seen bunny rabbits in our backyard, too, haven't we? 50 million. 50 million bunny rabbits?

Unknown: No, 2,000.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. So where did the snake end up going?

Unknown: In our shed.

Natty Bumpercar: In the shed. It was very scary. So what did Daddy do to get rid of the snake? Cut the weeds so it can hide. Yep, I got rid of all of the weeds, all of the…

Unknown: And, hey, there's something where you can, like, just kill them.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, but, see, I wasn't sure if I wanted to kill the snake, because I've read that snakes eat bad pests. Of course, it's this weird thing where, like, it's good to leave, you know, this stuff in the backyard to make a little ecological system.

Unknown: Does he eat chipmunks?

Natty Bumpercar: Does he eat chipmunks?

Unknown: Well, no. No.

Natty Bumpercar: Who? Who are you talking about, Owly or the snake? I feel like you're talking about Owly. Nah. The snack? Snake! You said snack. Can the snake's name be Snacky? Snacky Snake? Yeah. Oh, buddy, I'm Snacky Snake. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, there is a chipmunk in that. Hey.

Unknown: Owly is going to stay roundy because he's falling.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. Brownie the rabbit is falling, and Owly the owl is racing down to catch him right now. Wonderful of you. So we saw a baby deer. We saw a mama deer. We saw bunny rabbits. We saw a groundhog. We saw chipmunks, squirrels, a snake. We have all kinds. We have robins, blue jays. Cardinals. Cardinals, yeah. Woodpeckers. Those little ones. I don't know what the little good.

Unknown: Ooh, something's happening to them. Oh, that's a good one. It just turned off.

Natty Bumpercar: No, it's doing good. Owly's keeping track of the washing machine that's going on right now. We also, in the front of the house, there's a bush, and we have, and I was kind of trimming the bush, trying to make it look nice, and a robin flew out at me, rah, really aggressively. And I looked in the bush, and there was, hold on, let me finish this quick. There was a bird's nest inside. There was a bird's nest inside the bush, and I looked in, and there were three baby blue robin's eggs. So, she was just protecting her nest, which I totally understand, and there were like two or three of them that were flying around. They were angry at me. They were going, squawk, squawk, squawk. Oh, Ollie, can you, what did the baby deer sound like? Because this is so important to me. Can you do it? It's very good. I thought it sounded like this. Ready? Like that? Like that?

Unknown: Like that? Like that? Like that?

Natty Bumpercar: It sounds like a steer. It sounds kind of like a steer, doesn't it? I don't know anything about his stairs, though. Uh-oh, what is the, uh, Ollie is now chasing a, uh, so Ollie was attacking a snowball and paused the podcast. You know what? I think, are we done for today? Because this owl is driving me crazy. This owl is driving me bananas. I don't think I can handle this. Would you stop trying to kiss me? you, Owl. I would not like to be kissed by… Are you eating my arm? Jeez, relax, bro.

Unknown: I'm not a snowball.

Natty Bumpercar: No, we don't have to throw any snowballs. Okay, well, a snowball was still thrown. Hey, this has been the Bumper Podcast, Talking Baby Animals. Emerson, go upstairs. She's here. It's like we live in a zoo. Would you stop it, Owl? You're disgusting. I was pooping you. Okay, end of story. Say goodbye, Owly. Oh my goodness. Okay.

Unknown: …

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May 21, 2019
Bumperpodcast #350 – Lazy River

There is work being done at Headquarters. Ridiculous work. Come find out what all of the hubbub is about?!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar discovers an unauthorized construction crew led by a contractor named Adam working in the studio basement. Producer and Aloysious J. Pig have orchestrated a surprise renovation plan to install a lazy river and secure the studio's place on a supposed "national registry" as recognition for the podcast. Things quickly spiral out of control when the crew severs a pipe, causing flooding, and it's revealed that no permits were obtained for the work. Rufus T. Rufus gets pulled into the legal complications while Pig enthusiastically prepares to swim in the unfinished lazy river. The episode captures the show's signature improvisational comedy as construction disaster meets bureaucratic chaos.

Memorable Quotes

“A lot of the people in the house got together and they thought that the investment here the studio could use some real work and they were thinking that maybe we could put in some type of a lazy river.”
— Producer

“We kind of cut a pipe kind of got a little bit of a flood happening over there in the corner so you're gonna want to get some inspectors in here real quick.”
— Adam

“That's my cue lazy river is here let's go for a swim!”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #construction #chaos #workplacecomedy #flooding #permits #lazyriver #renovationdisaster #bureaucracy

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so what you're going to be doing is taking all of those uh boxes away from the wall over there yeah those those boxes perfect and i'm gonna move them off the shelves because the whole thing the whole wreck is to come off of the wall over there and you can't do yeah we gotta have an access point so that we can get behind in there crawl space i believe according to my documentation here it seems like we have to if we move all that there should be a portal you can get in and we can uh hey hey guys what's going on who are you oh yes hi how are you i'm all right what's who is this his name is adam okay i'm gonna be helping you with your instruction i believe we're doing some work down here you guys are what do you mean who's doing work down here what do you i don't know if

Producer: this was authorized or anything um yes hi natty it's me producer and i was told yeah by who what are you talking yeah i was told by pig that we're going to be doing some work down here in the

Natty Bumpercar: studio okay what kind of work are we going to be doing can hey pig can you come over here for a

Aloysious J. Pig: second yeah hey what's up bro uh whoa hey producer who's adam yeah here good to see you bro just a lovely time of life you know it's beautiful everything right so what you doing guys moving

Producer: some stuff over there well yeah i was saying according to our plans there's some sort of access point behind the shelves over there we gotta access and get though so i gotta move off a couple of things you don't understand it's just work and doing the work that's what we do

Natty Bumpercar: okay so i'm glad you're here pig i'm glad that you do know adam and producer i guess i'm glad you're here too to kind of organize all this uh so i need to know before anything else is moved or touched or whatever uh what what the the plan is i guess and what we're trying to do because i'm supposed to be recording a podcast right now and um the bumper podcast yes the bumper podcast thank you well yeah so you know my kids and will you listen to your show sometimes and we gotta tell you it's hard to understand who all the you know all the people who come in all the characters are sometimes so i know it's just a little criticism okay thank you you know a real listener here real number one fan oh number one long time first time being on the show you can stop now please you know that's probably a good idea i'm gonna go and help the crew over there okay doing some work but uh we're gonna really get this job moving you know it's gonna be real groundbreaking and everything and such and whatnot okay okay thanks adam best of luck to you over there i still producer pig i need to have a meeting with you a little sidebar i need to get you guys over here because i'm still do not know what work is being done i do not know what is happening i do not know why there is a crew here i need you to explain please so obviously there's gonna be some uh you know some

Aloysious J. Pig: some structural things i guess some plumbing plumbing plumbing maybe a few uh pipes i don't you know what producer you seem like you know more about the uh overall indoor bl planes so what i'm gonna do is leave this in your capable hands but you i'm gonna didn't tell me anything maybe go out and do things i like some stuff do a little dance i don't know i'm gonna do my thing

Natty Bumpercar: okay okay thank to you thanks pig uh so before you say anything producer pig you didn't say anything at all you said maybe some construction maybe some pipes maybe some electric that you know what you didn't that's not you didn't tell me anything you're already you're gone okay guess he's gotta go scootadoot whatever that means i'm gonna start scootadooting all around town um all right producer what's give me the give me the lowdown yeah well so a lot of the people in

Producer: the house got together and they thought that the investment here the studio could use some real work and they were thinking that maybe we could put in some type of a lazy river or what you know what lazy river i know it's a lazy i know what a lazy river is and we're not putting a lazy

Natty Bumpercar: river in the studio that's full of equipment electrical equipment in the basement you we're

Producer: not putting a river in our basement okay so listen not so it is that mean we probably can't do the cantilever waterfalls and the um these spritz the spritz what are you saying no spritz no you said spritz no i'm not going you say spritz you say spritz spritz thank you yeah spritz machine i don't

Natty Bumpercar: just because i said it doesn't mean that i know what it is i don't know what a spritz machine is okay i'm freaking out do we have is are there blueprints are there plants has this been paid for like how far along are we exactly yeah so i got my plans here you i heard you uh gab and all over here asking for plans and i figured i'd bring them on over and uh but one thing you know i gotta tell you we don't got permits we don't got permit plans for none of this so uh it might be a little bit of a problem to figure out how to get this work moving along because we already uh ran into some issues over there kind of cut a pipe kind of got a little bit of a flood happening over there in the corner so you're gonna want to get uh some some inspectors in here real quick from the town from the you know city government or whatever okay we got some real issues so it's like uh what are you talking about you might have some sort of a national registry mark there's no national registry we can't move forward you so you're telling me now that you have cut a pipe or broken a pipe or whatever yeah we severed it i believe okay severed a pipe thank you and it's now flooding my pipe and i'm in my basement and you're now you can't touch anything you can't do anything that doesn't make any sense you already started so you already did something something bad something wrong i now uh

Rufus T. Rufus: excuse me i don't mean to buffalo into this uh stance but i understand you guys had some issues of legalities that might not might not have been persevered or persecuted or okay that's not a word

Natty Bumpercar: excuse me um my thread it's okay rufus i'm actually glad you're here because i have workers i have producer pig just left but evidently there's a big plan to put a lazy river in our basement and then uh adam yeah adam yeah his crew yeah my crew severed a pipe and uh now it's flooding but then they found some sort of thing that says that they can't work anymore down here and now we've got a real issue yep and i don't even think we have permits and

Producer: i need your help your expertise you know i feel like i pushed the paperwork over to your desk there rufus and you never get it signed for me and so i'm not sure where we stand with the whole process but i do think that maybe it's on you that it wasn't done i don't you know i'm just organizing this and just managing the whole process but if you i need your help as well so please whatever night it says you should probably jump into you now hold on just one

Rufus T. Rufus: second there little little producer frog uh now i go through my paperwork all the time i have interns i have returns i have all sorts of things and processes you understand in place that means that i'm never gonna lose this uh such things so if there was paperwork put on my desk and i'm not gonna lose it i'm not gonna lose it i'm not gonna lose it i'm not gonna lose it then i say i say i say you should have been following up with me you know understand we can't start work we can't exactly cruise down here this is a national registry it's okay so

Natty Bumpercar: again it's not a national registry it's just the basement it's just a studio actually nothing it's

Producer: not just a studio it's where we record the bumper podcast me that you knew this you knew this and it's a special place and so people said we should recognize where the bumper podcast is made and we are going to put it on the national registry and just to nom to nominate this moment we said we will also be putting in a laser laser exactly for the children it's not just for the children it's for everyone

Rufus T. Rufus: and we're so proud of everything you've done here in the studio with a bumper podcast that we felt like you

Natty Bumpercar: deserve i appreciate it something oh recognition okay so congratulations thank you very much um very nice of you guys to all do this however we still don't have permits and there's still a flood and so i need you guys to figure that out and to help me out please all right so just to not keep interjecting myself under this situation but what we've done is we've patched it all up you patched up the hole you patched up the flood no not entirely we just patched up the hole in the water flood is still happening back there so it's gonna be coming in at some point but i'm sure it's all gonna work out perfect you're gonna have a lazy

Aloysious J. Pig: you ever seen that's my cue lazy river is here let's go for a swim

Unknown: you

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May 3, 2019
Bumperpodcast #329 – Wad Of Cash

Pig does some doughnut talking, Producer sings a song, and Natty bursts in – typically flustered!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig takes over hosting duties while Natty Bumpercar is away. Pig attempts to discuss socio-political economics but quickly abandons the premise to ramble about his love of donuts, particularly a tres leches donut he purchased that morning. Producer interrupts with a story about finding a mysterious wad of cash on the sidewalk while listening to a song about picking up money, which leads to an unfortunate encounter with the police. The episode takes a twist when Natty returns looking for his lost wad of cash, and it becomes clear that Producer may have found it—and possibly donated it, though his new shoes suggest otherwise. The improvised comedy showcases the characters' chaotic chemistry and comedic timing.

Memorable Quotes

“I'm probably in cupcakes, maybe in cookies, maybe in bread. I've heard you can put it on your cereal. I don't know if you eat that. And, obviously, in my slop pit, sometimes there's milk, just because I am very lactose-tolerant. I would almost go so far as to say I require lactose.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“If you see a penny, pick it up, pick it up… If you see a nickel pick it up, pick it up… if you see a 50 bill you should call the police because it's not yours.”

— Producer

“Producer, seriously, this is a big deal. Like, this is, like, rent money, this is every kind of money, this is all of our money. This is our bill money.”

— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #donuts #money #friendship #misunderstandings #food #music #comedy #chaos

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Producer, Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: Uh, hey everyone, it's me, Aloysius J-Pig, and today, uh, Natty Bumper Guy is off and about and about and around and everywhere but here. So, it's gonna be a pig episode, which means probably a little singing, and obviously we're gonna talk about socio-political economics, because that's what I do now. I don't know if you've heard my new show, Pork Barrel Pig, but here we are, and this is what we do. So, huh, the other day I was looking at the market and I was like, oh, what is this, a bear market or a bull market? And the people were just like, I don't know, pig, why don't you tell us? You're the one who's got the show about. It's global, so I forget what it's about already, so I, alright, the joke's over. We're gonna talk about donuts, we're gonna talk about, talk about donuts, what, what, what, what? Donuts, what kind of donuts, bro? You know the best kind of donuts. Donuts, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, donuts, ha, ha, ha, ha, donuts. Donuts, this morning, I woke up, I went to my local donut-taria, and I said, hello, Miss the Donut, and Mr. Donut was just like, oh, hello there, pig, or whatever, I don't know what he said, and he's like, what can I get you? What do you want? What kind of a donut do you want? And I was like, my friend, my friend, my friend, I'll have one of everything, alright, and two or some of them, alright? So you're gonna need some boxes, you're gonna need some crates, what is the biggest receptacle that we can put the donuts in that they're gonna make it home to my house without getting, like, flustered, because the last thing that I want and you want, obzy, is a flustered donut. He said, okay, let me work on that situation, but while I do that, maybe do you want a donut hole? And I was just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sir, I do not wish to have a donut hole. No, that's the leftover. That's the leave-ins. I don't want that. I come here for a donut goodness, and if you can deliver, I will receive a donut hole. However, it's not what I meant to. Anyway, we level set, we figured out our relationship, we understood what everybody wanted, and we moved on from there, I assume. I presume, I don't know. So you wanna know? I feel like I've been teasing. You wanna know what kind of donut I got? Today, I got a Tres Leches donut. That's three milk. Three milk donut. And what are the three milks? I don't know. I'm assuming cow milk is one of them. I'm also assuming that, well, I don't know what other kind of milks there might be. There's that weird milk. There's that weird milk. There's that weird milk that Luke drank in The Last Jedi from that alien cow thing. I'm hoping that that kind of milk was not involved in my donuts. And then one of the milks is whipped cream. So that's cream, so that's milk, so that makes sense. I'm hoping there's no cheese on my donut, because that's made from milk, too. Chocolate, also made from milk. Milk is really in a lot of things, is what I'm coming to find out. To all my cow friends listening, to all my cow friends in the… Pasture. To all my cow friends around the world, I gotta, I gotta, I gotta thank you, girl. Hey, cows, what do you know? Hey, cows, what do you do? Oh, oh, oh, hey, cows, how do you say hello? Oh, are you moo? Perfect. Seriously, though, milk, pretty much in everything. I'm probably in cupcakes, maybe in cookies, maybe in bread. I've heard you can put it on your cereal. I don't know if you eat that. I don't know if you eat that kind of stuff. And, obviously, in my slop pit, sometimes there's milk, just because I am very lactose-tolerant. I would almost go so far as to say I require lactose. Anyway, I bibble and babble enough about the donuts. I don't know what else I'm supposed to talk about. How does he do this for 10 minutes a day? How does he, like, what, 12 minutes? I'm four and a half minutes in, and I've already run out of time. I've already run out. I had, like, two songs. I talked about donuts. Did you want to? Okay, hold on a second. Ladies and gentlemen, our producer says he… Um, hello, everybody. No, that's fine. You just start talking.

Producer: Yeah, I'm going to start talking now. You're talking… Hello? You… Yeah. Okay. Okay. Hi, everyone. This is me, producer. And I am just listening to my friend, which is Jack Pig, and he was having a difficult time with the talking, and so I said, you know what? I've got a pretty funny story to share. So maybe I'm going to hop in to help him out a little bit. And my story involved this yesterday… I don't know when it's yesterday morning. I was leaving my driveway, to go for a little hop around the block, because I'm a frog and I don't run, I hop! So, I was hopping. I was listening to my Bluetooth headset speaker phones, and I had music in them. And the song I was listening to was If you see a penny, pick it up, pick it up… If you see a penny, pick it up, pick it up… it up if you see a nickel pick it up pick it up if you see a dime if you see a quarter

Natty Bumpercar: if you see a 50 cent piece pick it up if you see a dollar pick it up pick it up if you see a two dollar bill pick it up pick it up if you see a five dollar bill or a 10 or a 20 you know what you should do you should pick it up pick it up if you see a 50 bill you should call the police because it's not yours if you see a hundred dollar bill you should just run away there are certain

Producer: denominations there are certain sizes of the bill you should pick it up pick it up if you see a money that are always okay for you to pick it up pick it up and lo and behold as I'm listening to this song it's a number one smash summer hit from 1927 pick it up I was hopping and I looked over and I saw a wad of cash on the sidewalk and I say to myself oh my watch out word what should i do and then i thought about the song words the lyrics in this song and i said i

Natty Bumpercar: know exactly what to do thank you universe and so i called the police and i pointed to it and i said oh would you look at all of this money and they said please put your hands on the car and they knocked my bluetooth headset out of my ears and then i got to ride downtown to the police station where i was interrogated for a long time because they didn't understand why anyone would come across such a pile of money and not uh bro here's the thing it's a great story that you're telling

Aloysious J. Pig: and the whole song thing everybody's love songs on podcasts so that's good thank you and you get kudos for that everyone has noticed from the beginning of your story to the end of your story you no longer sound like yourself i don't understand what do you mean would you care to explain that or is that something where i don't know something that happened while you

Producer: were incarcerated or whatever no i think what happens is i don't usually talk for a long time and so when i had the opportunity to talk for an experience period i um got a little bit too excited and maybe i you know like i sang my song and then the voice got a little uh how do you say uh crazy you just said crazy bro that's how you say it perfect oh no hello

Aloysious J. Pig: what's up um me and uh producer sitting here we're just hanging out doing a little show on our own but we didn't know when you were oh i got the coughs i got the vapors is that a new cologne you wearing oh we didn't know when he was coming back so is that got is that got lavender in it i'm i'm highly alert to lavender i gotta go you i mean you smell nice but you're hurting me i'm so sorry Uh, guys, I'm so sorry that I wasn't here for the beginning of the show, but Crazy Bananas Weird Thing, I was running around, I was on the sidewalk, I was running errands, and, uh, do you, do you remember my stack of cash, my wad of cash? I can't find it anywhere. I do not know where it is, and it was in my pocket, and then it just disappeared out of nowhere, and I can't find it, and I'm freaking out, because that's how I gotta pay all the cows for, uh, their milk and everything.

Producer: Um, well, first, first off, uh, that is a very clunky way that you try to tie the beginning of the podcast in with this section.

Aloysious J. Pig: Not, not that, really, come on, yeah.

Producer: But, uh, I happen to have some information about this wad of cash. You do? Can you describe this wad of cash to me, please?

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, it's, well, sure, it's a wad of cash. It's a lot of money, cash, that has subsequently… …subsequently been wadded up into a wad, like a roll, like it's got a rubber band on

Natty Bumpercar: What color is the rubber band? I do not know what color rubber band it is.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'm sorry. What? I do not know. What do you mean? Yeah, it's a… How many… What's your point? Like, did you find a wad of cash? Are you holding out on me for? What, what, what?

Producer: I'm not, I'm not entirely comfortable talking to you about this, uh, in quotation marks wad of cash, because I feel like maybe you don't know. I don't know what you're talking about, and you're trying to get information for me about the wad of cash that I may or may not have found on the sidewalk right outside of the gate of our house.

Aloysious J. Pig: Producer, seriously, this is a big deal. Like, this is, like, rent money, this is every kind of money, this is all of our money. This is our bill money. We, I need that money. So if you found it, what did you do with it? Can you get it for me? Can you go find, like, what, please just give me the money if you found it. It's very important. It's hyper important.

Producer: So I maybe, maybe I found it, and maybe I got taken to jail, and maybe when I got out of jail, I took the money, and I donated it to some other place that maybe said they

Aloysious J. Pig: needed it as well. Well, I need to know the place. I need to know the place, because I need that wad of cash. It's very important. Can you please just tell me where you donated it to? So I, it's just a misunderstanding. I gotta get the money back. I don't know if it's true. Hey, producer. Thanks for that wad of cash. Look at my new shoes. Wait, what?

Producer: Pig? Oh, no.

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June 29, 2018
Bumperpodcast #306 – International podcast

Here it is – the new podcast that everyone is talking about. We have a great interview, some call-ins, and we finally have a Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

It’s almost too much to bear – isn’t it? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

And – don’t forget to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976.

We don’t have a special guest, this week – because everything broke – but – we’re hoping to have one soon (fingers are crossed).

About This Episode

In this International Podcast Day episode, Natty Bumpercar attempts to record despite feeling under the weather, while Rufus T. Rufus tries to take over hosting duties. Aloysious J. Pig discovers there's no slop anywhere in headquarters and demands someone go shopping, leading to chaos as various characters including Doodle Poodle, Turkey, and Robot drop by the studio. Natty reflects on their busy performance schedule and shares a delightful experience eating soup dumplings in the city. Despite the disorganized recording session, the gang discusses their recent shows and hopes to return to featuring more guests and call-ins soon.

Memorable Quotes

“I went to the fridge there's no slop i went to the second fridge there's also no slop i went to the deep freezer there's no slop there's no there's no slop in the pantry there's no slop out in the shed”

— Aloysious J. Pig

“I have a lot of friends who have tried to listen to the podcast and who have said they don't even understand it and they speak of the English. So if you don't speak the English, then it might make more sense to you.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“They had soup inside of them and they were tiny so that when you chopstick them into your mouth, you would bite and it would kind of, this explosion of flavor.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #internationalpodcastday #behindthescenes #food #performing #soupdumplings #chaos #meta-podcast #comedy

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle, Turkey, Robot

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: now it's my understanding that today is international podcast day and so i rufus t rufus had decided to crack the microphone so i can talk to you the entire podcasting community the entire international world about what the bumper podcast is and what it does and who it's for and what it's about hey oh well look who just rolled up a bed mr netty bumper car himself yeah hey rufus um i'm so i don't feel very good today i'm kind of tired i'm kind of sick and i appreciate very much that you're um here running the show and we haven't done a show in a couple weeks and we haven't been able to get interviews and ah it's driving me crazy because we were on such a good run and we were having all sorts of fun people on the show and then the uh the software broke and we finally got that fixed but now scheduling has become an issue and i don't feel good and so i did i just didn't think i was gonna have it and made to do it today but i heard you down here and so i came downstairs and i was like oh hey bro hey pig what's going on bro not much bro just hanging out you know i hired you guys down here and uh i was going out to the store to get some slop you get me you know he was out of slop like i went to the fridge there's no slop i went to the second fridge there's also no slop i went to the deep freezer there's no slop there's no there's no slop in the pantry there's no slop out in the shed there's no slop like never once supposed to eat huh i'm just a starving pig you calm yourself down as your representation i believe it's in your rider which is your contract there is supposed to always be on hand here at headquarters some slop listen my piggy lou so bumper car yeah i know you're looking peaked i know you don't feel so good but my man he needs something to eat i'm just a starving pig you calm slop okay please get on it if you will fine okay fine fine fine i pig i didn't i don't i don't know how we're not how we're out of slop because there was slop everywhere i mean we had a whole shipment that came in like last week um i'll run to the store even though i don't feel so great and i will get you and and i'm i'm sorry and i just go to the store can you guys finish up the podcast because what are you doing do this okay sorry i'm you go bumper car you should be sorry coming on the podcast and i never heard you do that never i mean i've heard you tired before but that was a legit yawn bro that was like from yawn central from yawn valley from yonder over there go take a nap wow all right fine so i'll take over the stem i'm gonna take over the wheel i'm gonna take over the you talk i'm gonna tell you a little bit about what's been going on with me lately you talk so many shows very popular pig lately i uh hey show sunday yeah we went to the city and hung out on monday i had a show tuesday got a show wednesday oh boy on friday i gotta i gotta go into a show i don't know if we're gonna be on it or not but i gotta go and then sunday another show it's just like show after show after show after show after show after show after show after show after show and the people the people in the crowd they're all like pig aloysius j pig it's pig aloysius pig aloysius j pig that's me that's me that's me that's you i'm pig and it's the craziest thing ever i had a woman last night she came up to me at the show and she was just like i know you i met you before at a show and she was so sweet and she gave me a sweet hug and i was just like i remember you you was at that show you know it was just a nice time it's nice when you make people happy i don't know how i make people happy i'm not like a happy pig magician or nothing i ain't got no magic wand where i could be like poof now you're happy and nothing like that but i uh they may you know they seem pretty happy man i'm getting hungry how do people do this how do people talk this long without no slop i don't even understand i need some help huh okay we ain't coming for me because i got some other business to take care of i got some things i gotta handle some uh business you understand on the side that i don't really want to talk about on the air here so if you would not mind i'm gonna leave you here by yourself oh wait a minute here's somebody to help you good luck with this one

Doodle Poodle: not what i wanted to have happen it's me don't pull hey don't pull i'm here to help yeah i got what you're doing you love to rhyme do you want to see my i would love to see it of course you want to see my we're on the radio what are you freaking out i don't care

Natty Bumpercar: how does it even words man what are you doing i just said we're on the radio and it don't make much sense for you to be bringing in well i mean what are you gonna do use descriptive words and be like this yellow on this flower is so yellow that you're not gonna believe uh how yellow it is a bee would fly past this drawing that has a flower and try to pollinate it because that's how but it's not you know you just made a drawing which is cool and everything but again radio audio is a medium audio audio it's not a visual medium so i think we should you should go over there and i should um what should he know for pete's sake crying out loud i just heard

Turkey: everybody down here and i thought to myself what a better place to live with this video than the color of this house because i can't talk about health health and i can't till this Failure moment fail all of my life no i can't talk about it mission failure i can talk about health in itself is plainly false strindi to be for me than with my friends.

Unknown: Thank you.

Robot: Yeah, get it together. I got stuck on friends. Sometimes I get stuck on friends. People say that I get… Okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Here you go. They don't say you get stuck on friends. Nobody says that. That's not a thing people say. They say that you come and hang around a lot and maybe you don't offer a lot to the conversation, to the situation, if you understand what I'm saying. But they don't say, oh, robot, you know him. He gets stuck on friends. I never heard nobody say that. Never to nobody. Nobody, nobody. Oh! What is it? Hey, I'm back. I'm back. Yep, bro. Get in here. I'm so hungry right now. I can't even deal with this. How do you deal with this gaggle of characters? It's not easy. I'm going to tell you. But so I'm back. And I think the walk did me pretty good. I feel much better about the world. I don't know what happened on the podcast today, but I'm hoping that something happened, that something was said, that it wasn't just a bunch of fighting and people just walking in and walking out, offering nothing to any kind of story, just being there just for the fact that their voices are on the podcast. Because when that happens, I don't like it as much. I feel like there's no depth. Like when there's a little story that everyone is engaging in, I feel like that's a good podcast. That makes sense. And it's International Podcast Day. I don't even know if you guys knew that, but today the whole world is focused on podcasts internationally. So we are going to probably need to, you know, translate this, I'm guessing. I don't know if we know anybody who can translate this for the other countries. And then everyone's just going to love it because it's going to make a lot more sense to people. Although I will say, being someone who does, live in the America, I have a lot of friends who have tried to listen to the podcast and who have said they don't even understand it and they speak of the English. Okay? So if you don't speak the English, then it might make more sense to you. I don't know. I don't know who this makes sense for. I don't know who the target audience is. I don't know who is supposed to be listening to this. But I do know that I hope that we can get more guests on pretty soon and that we can ramp up the call-in number because I really loved it when people were calling in. And we can review more stuff and we can get more commercials on and we can do all the things that we were getting so good at and so happy with with the podcast. I don't know if Pig told you, but man, we've been having so many shows lately. Like we had a show Sunday and we actually filmed something for something else. And then Monday we went to the city and saw a band called St. Etienne, which was really fun. It was a good time. I had something in the city and it was a soup dumpling. So it was these four little dumplings and they were so hot, but they were kind of steamed, but they had soup inside of them and they were tiny so that when you chopstick them into your mouth, you would bite and it would kind of, this explosion of flavor. Like it was scallion. I think there was some ginger. I don't know, but it was, amazing. Like I don't even ever want to eat anything again. Besides that, I was trying to figure out a way if I could get on a dumpling meal plan, but evidently it doesn't exist. And then I had a show Tuesday. I had a show Wednesday. Got a show Friday. Got a show Sunday. And it's a busy time, man. It's a very busy time, but I love it. It's so exciting. And all I have to do is keep my nose above the water. I just have to maintain just a little bit longer. Just to get to the end of the road that I'm on. And then I'm going to stop just singing this song. Thank you guys so much for listening. Sorry it's been so long. We hope to get on again soon. Maybe with some guests. Got to line it up. Got to get it right. Got to do it all tonight. Tonight. Everybody with a one, two, three, international podcaster.

Unknown: We'll see you guys next time.

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September 28, 2017