Tag: Bumperpodcast

Bumperpodcast #297 – Kid Chaos

Oh no. After a successful appearance, the kids are back – and so is the chaos. Pig stops by to help as well!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

Do you like chaos? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is joined by his two young sons for an unpredictable conversation that ranges from cutting down a backyard tree to imaginary dog treat pizza. The boys discuss their father's tree-cutting adventures, their recent trip to the city for a comedy show, and their excitement about joining a pool. The episode features plenty of sibling banter, microphone mishaps, and Oliver's increasingly wild stories about driving dogs and bone guns. Natty struggles to keep the conversation on track while his sons create elaborate fictional scenarios involving their dog Socks eating special pizza and breaking health codes.

Memorable Quotes

“I didn't go to the city. You went to the city? We went to a show. What show? You and me did jokes.”

— Unknown (child)

“So let me get this straight. You can't sit next to Emerson eating strawberries but you can sit next to Socks eating dog poop pizza?”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Welcome to Distraction City. Population, those two.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #family #kids #parenting #comedyshow #summeractivities #pool #pets #chaos

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: hey bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and i have some exciting news the tree is gone i'm not i'm not even gonna bury the lead i'm just gonna come right out and i'm gonna tell you the tree is gone i hear feet above me which means that there are people running to be on the show which is very exciting because oh there's two people coming i can't do a podcast without you guys that's right oh boy ladies and gentlemen we have two special guests here today three i was not oh we have three because the dog came in too that is this morning very exciting i was asleep and uh the dog got away he did and i had to go save him come back the dog's now okay all right so all right the dog's gone the dog is no longer

Unknown: on the show so the dog is scared what's the dog scared of i don't know maybe this

Natty Bumpercar: hey why don't you put your butt right here there you go my dog what are you talking about hey is that what you're gonna talk is that what you're gonna say what he's

Unknown: gone

Natty Bumpercar: what are you gonna talk about were you guys so surprised yesterday when you came home went out and why were you surprised because i was here or were you just surprised that i brought

Unknown: you home come on bo i didn't i wasn't surprised nothing happened no nothing nothing happened

Natty Bumpercar: no or did something big happen um the backyard is not different at all oh the backyard's different daddy daddy cut the tree down no he did done done done why is that ollie why did i cut the

Unknown: tree down why did i cut the tree down cosズ he's the cutting man, wat is the cutting man and all of her cuddys

Natty Bumpercar: daddy is the cutting 162 00rj what does a cutting man do

Unknown: he cuts down the tree

Natty Bumpercar: chops down trees like a boss

Unknown: whut, that doesn't make no sense

Natty Bumpercar: does that mean anything to you

Unknown: all of the cutting man no he's not no i'm

Natty Bumpercar: he's the chopping boy

Unknown: chopping boy and i have a little tweezer that baby snaps those branches up its my tree

Natty Bumpercar: no you don't have a tree

Unknown: a tree. They don't make no sense. Daddy, do you remember? When I showed you that tree, you said, be careful. No. He's going to break you. Watch out.

Natty Bumpercar: We're going to switch over to here, but you can still keep talking to Emerson.

Unknown: So, anyway. So, Emerson,

Natty Bumpercar: if Oliver was the shopping boy, what were you?

Unknown: I know his name. I don't want to tell.

Natty Bumpercar: You don't want to tell everybody? The dreamy. Oh, good job. That's why he broke the microphone. I told you he was going to do it. That's why we don't touch things all the time, guys.

Unknown: Now he broke it forever? Yes, forever.

Natty Bumpercar: There's no need to yell, because the microphone's right there. And you've got headphones on, so you can hear yourself talk.

Unknown: Yeah, that's creepy.

Natty Bumpercar: Remember how he just broke it by touching it?

Unknown: Oh, yeah. I remember how he broke it. So, you're still touching it. It's amazing.

Natty Bumpercar: Why does he keep touching it? Whose children are these? So, you were surprised by the tree being gone? Yeah, a little bit. I didn't show you guys the photos and videos of it, did I? Yeah, you did. Oh, I showed you at school. That's right. Here, here's what you guys can do. You didn't show Oliver. Did you show the little one? I'm going this ear. Because he didn't see the tree. There, does that work? I guess you're not talking about the tree anymore. I don't know what's happening. This is a weird episode. See, isn't it weird how you can hear yourself talk anyway? Well, it's headphones. It's not that weird. So, what else did Daddy do yesterday?

Unknown: Oh, yeah. Imagine he took a nap or something. He's making me so hurting. He's hurting. Fix the boy. You definitely didn't touch it. Take a shower. I can tell that. Oliver, I'm not going to wear the microphone. All right, take them off. I wish I could tell my story. Why are you touching the microphone? I just get excited. I don't know. I love animals really much like that. I like animals, too.

Natty Bumpercar: Do you have animals on your shirt? Why are you trying to climb?

Unknown: Because I want to get to the microphone.

Natty Bumpercar: Do you want to stand, too? Wow, you guys are

Unknown: out of control. They're out of control. Daddy just hit the microphone.

Natty Bumpercar: Welcome to Distraction City. Population, those two.

Unknown: Daddy's distracted. Stop spitting.

Natty Bumpercar: Did you spit?

Unknown: No, Oliver keeps on making the breath on me. What's he doing? Stop making the breath on me. It smells bad, I guess.

Natty Bumpercar: Does it pig breath? It's just talking to the microphone.

Unknown: Don't yell.

Natty Bumpercar: What did Daddy do yesterday besides a tree? Something you're both excited about.

Unknown: Is it food?

Natty Bumpercar: Man, you guys are good at answering questions today. I'm trying. You know what? After your last appearance, everyone's excited about you being on the show. I mean, I was.

Unknown: Stop putting your breath on me. I see the backyard. That's the front yard. Yeah, it's the front. So anyway, I want to tell us…

Natty Bumpercar: Oliver keeps on putting his breath on you. Hey, Ollie, can you stop putting your breath on people? It's so much cleaning. It smells like… Come on. He just woke up. He just ate some food. Can a dog smell a little bit?

Unknown: It smells like rotten teeth breath.

Natty Bumpercar: Ollie, do you have rotten teeth breath? Oh, no. Done, done.

Unknown: He's going to have to go to the doctor.

Natty Bumpercar: Now I have rotting teeth breath. Wait, is it catching?

Unknown: Somebody smell my breath. Smell my breath.

Natty Bumpercar: We're going to have to go to the dentist and get all of our teeth pulled. Oh, yeah, the dentist. I said doctor. No, I don't want to do that. Golly gee. Golly, golly gee. Good voice you're doing. You're so heavy. I can't hold you like this. Daddy? Yes, sir. Oliver.

Unknown: What are you… Wait, on Sunday… Oliver. On Sunday, are we having a babysitter? Babysitter?

Natty Bumpercar: No, on Sunday, we're having the whole family over. Who? No, come on.

Unknown: Not all of them. It's Mother's Day.

Natty Bumpercar: Mother is a pig. That's on Sunday, again. What's Saturday? I've said that a few times. Do we have a babysitter on Sunday? No, we do not. I just said… On Saturday? We don't have a babysitter this weekend. There's no babysitter this weekend.

Unknown: But you said… Can I babysit?

Natty Bumpercar: Oliver, what day do we have a babysitter?

Unknown: I don't know. It's like a mystery now. Oh, June 10th.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. I know. June 10th. June 10th is the worst. I can't believe it.

Unknown: I can't believe it.

Natty Bumpercar: No. That would be the worst thing ever.

Unknown: The worst?

Natty Bumpercar: Why would you say that? Oh, my goodness.

Unknown: Then Mommy would never see you again. That'd be so sad.

Natty Bumpercar: And Mommy would cry.

Unknown: Could I have his bed? I'm joking. That was a hilarious joke.

Natty Bumpercar: Never mind. Guys, where did we go last weekend? We went to the city. And what did we do?

Unknown: I didn't go to the city. You went to the city? We went to a show. What show? You and me did jokes.

Natty Bumpercar: I did jokes and you guys came? You went to a show? Did you have fun?

Unknown: Comedy show? Maybe.

Natty Bumpercar: Maybe.

Unknown: Socks came too. No, he did not. Yes, we did.

Natty Bumpercar: Was Socks in the back seat of the car?

Unknown: Yeah, probably. No, he wasn't. No. Oliver ate… Socks ate pizza. Oliver ate pizza. Why did he eat pizza? Because he was sneaking in.

Natty Bumpercar: You ate pizza because you were sneaking in?

Unknown: This is ridiculous. Socks ate pizza with me.

Natty Bumpercar: You guys went to a pizza parlor together?

Unknown: No.

Natty Bumpercar: What kind of pizza did you get?

Unknown: I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: Cheese pizza. What kind of pizza did Socks get? Dog treat pizza.

Unknown: There's no such thing as dog treat pizza. Dog treat pizza. That sounds yummy.

Natty Bumpercar: It's only for dogs. It's my favorite kind though.

Unknown: That smells yucky. Dog treat pizza? Depends on what they're on. It's only for dogs. So if I went into a pizza place and I ordered a dog treat pizza, they wouldn't give it to me? No way. Only for Socks.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, man. What if… So I'd have to have Socks next to me. Or maybe I'd have to pay Socks to buy the dog treat pizza so that I could go outside

Unknown: and eat it. How are you going to pay the dog?

Natty Bumpercar: He doesn't even have a wife. He doesn't even have a wife. He doesn't even have a wife. It tastes like poop dogs. Ew. Dogs don't eat that. That sounds disgusting.

Unknown: There's no way. It tastes for people. It's only for dog treats for only dogs.

Natty Bumpercar: There is no way that the health code is not being violated by him selling dog poop.

Unknown: There's no way that they're going to let him do that.

Natty Bumpercar: They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog. They don't even have a dog.

Unknown: They didn't even let me in restaurants.

Natty Bumpercar: Did you sit next to him while he ate that pizza?

Unknown: And I ate mine cheese.

Natty Bumpercar: So let me get this straight. You can't sit next to Emerson eating strawberries but you can sit next to Socks eating dog poop pizza?

Unknown: It doesn't make sense. No. It's the dog treat pizza. Then I'll try it. I drove Socks back here.

Natty Bumpercar: Wait, you drove the dog back here? That doesn't make any sense at all. You can't even reach the pedals.

Unknown: That kid's going straight to jail.

Natty Bumpercar: You're so tiny. you said door to open the door how did you get out of the car like a delinquent uh-oh i had a gun

Unknown: he had a what what in the world what are you teaching these kids

Natty Bumpercar: i don't even believe what i'm hearing right now this is not my ollie this is not who you are you do not move out drive dogs around with guns that you shoot to the pizza place that's too much no

Unknown: i got out how i got out i got a gun and he got out come on did you break our car do you think mommy's gonna like you talking no she ain't like no not even a little bit if you if you push you down there what are you gonna push people down what what now what are you talking

Natty Bumpercar: about that's the second time even on the show and you've done uh an infringement of copyright that we cannot you can't afford

Unknown: it's batman i see batman little one's leaving i see batman everybody what is he talking about batman the bobblehead oh he's over there and i have and i have and i have a star wars guy what is it's like a real divergence that's a good transition i'm glad that we went from the and he has a bone gun a what he has a bone what is a bone gun i don't even know what words i mean

Natty Bumpercar: it's like a bone gun does it shoot bones so did you emerson did you go to the city as well yeah and what was your favorite part

Unknown: we go with everything i don't know well i mean did you like the show the whole experience i like the show and i liked everything were you embarrassed no i would be embarrassed scared no did you like

Natty Bumpercar: that they put daddy up first yeah i wish i would have put me up first that's okay um and then we came home right and we played a little bit we've been playing we've been scootering right

Unknown: we were scootering yes you guys been going outside all the time in the front driveway

Natty Bumpercar: well that is true thanks thanks thanks for backing me up on that one that one's true

Unknown: but uh the pool i wish i could have told a story oh yeah the pool but it makes so much more sense we joined the pool yeah yeah yeah which means

Natty Bumpercar: but you're not gonna bring me what is he saying ollie that is not polite what is this kid on we're gonna go as soon as we can oliver not polite sir uh whenever whenever the pool joins then we i mean whenever uh words words are you gonna bring socks to the pool

Unknown: you know there's no dogs allowed i i trust you but there's a german shepherd one no it wasn't at the pool no no that was at the mystery icon

Natty Bumpercar: whose friend who's whose dog was that who's friend of yours um me it was michelle's dog and his name is name is michelle's dog and his name is michelle's dog and his name is Dog and his name is name zoo name and name

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May 12, 2017
Bumperpodcast #294 – Laser Lightning Pancakes

Lasers – Lightning – Explosions – Pancakes! It’s a hyperactive and hyper-short edition of the Bumperpodcast!

Do you eat breakfast? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

This is a ‘Laser Lightning’ version of the Bumperpodcast – which is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this lightning-fast episode of the Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar attempts to deliver what he calls a "laser episode" – promising explosive speed and brevity. After getting tangled up in his own time measurements involving eye blinks, hiccups, and heartbeats, Natty settles on a three-minute runtime, harking back to the podcast's earliest days. The episode takes a chaotic turn as he shares a morning breakfast struggle with his kids, who torment him by jokingly suggesting they eat the dog, then bacon (much to the distress of his friend Pig), before finally settling on pancakes. It's classic Bumperpodcast mayhem packed into a bite-sized format.

Memorable Quotes

“this episode is going to be so quick so fast that it's going to be over before you even blink your eyes”

— Natty Bumpercar

“they decided they wanted to eat the dog for breakfast because they thought it was hilarious to torture me”

— Natty Bumpercar

“i said no and then one said bacon and i was like why would you do that pig's my best friend”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #time #breakfast #parenting #sleep #shortepisodes #chaos #kids #food

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: this is what i like to call a laser episode of the bumper podcast it's lasers it's lightning it's lasers it's lightning it's lasers lasers lightning lightning lasers lasers explosions like that like what i'm saying is this episode is going to be so quick so fast that it's going to be over before you even blink your eyes i don't know how often you blink your eyes because i've never hung out with you maybe but i'm guessing that you blink your eyes wait did i say it's gonna be i forgot okay i got excited i can't remember if i said that it was going to be shorter than an eye blink or longer than in between it let me think because if you do that logically i mean i blink my eyes i another time there i blink my eyes a lot okay so it's not gonna be as uh short as as as quick punch as in between eye blinks because that's it would be over already and that'd be done and that episode wouldn't even make any sense to put that wouldn't even be like a promo that wouldn't even be like a teaser so it's not i think i need a new uh system of time uh counting that sounded very scientific uh let's see uh so eye blinks are out what other uh hiccups how often do you hiccup no that's going to be too long because you if you go like a week without hiccup i can't do a week-long episode they're they're not gonna let me upload that uh so heartbeats again no uh how about this this episode this laser lightning laser lightning laser lightning explosion episode of the bumper podcast is going to be about three minutes long that's right we're taking it back to how long the episodes were when we first started doing the bumper podcast not for all the episodes but just for this one because it's an episode how are we supposed to deal with that how are we supposed to live with that when there's only 30 seconds left fine i'll tell you something this morning i got up my kids didn't know what they wanted to eat for breakfast it was the first night in a week that they have let me sleep through the night which is amazing i feel like a million bucks and i said what do you want for breakfast i don't know well what do you want do you want this that this that this that this that they decided they wanted to eat the dog for breakfast because they thought it was hilarious to torture me by saying they wanted to eat the dog i said no and then one said bacon and i was like why would you do that pig's my best friend and then we decided you know what they were gonna eat pancakes

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April 25, 2017
Bumperpodcast #291 – Weekend Special

A little weekend special about twitters, and this, and that. Also another special guest pops in at the end!

Do you like weekends? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this special weekend edition of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar apologizes for missing last week's episode and shares his exhausting adventures in solo parenting. While his wife attends a conference, Natty deals with sleepless nights caused by his children's sniffles, including a heart-stopping 11:30 PM wake-up call that left him completely disoriented. He also discusses his experiments with Twitter engagement, a relaxing dentist appointment (complete with cavity concerns), and his attempt at live-tweeting his two-hour bedtime struggle. The episode features a surprise guest appearance from one of Natty's children, who shares stories about rock climbing with an auto belay system and visiting the pool.

Memorable Quotes

“I honestly thought I was having a heart attack because I was so deep asleep and I was in the middle of a dream that was kind of nightmarish… and he screamed and I hit the ceiling.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“In my house sniffles are almost like the end of the world. When one of them has sniffles all bets are off—there will be no sleep, no peace, no happiness, no joy.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“I look at my mouth in the mirror and it's just like cavity, I'm a cavity creep. 2017, can't we do something better about cavities? UV lights? Lasers?”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #parenting #sleepdeprivation #socialmedia #twitter #dentist #rockclimbing #children #familylife

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Natty Bumpercar's child

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well hello there bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and it is a weekend edition a surprise weekend edition because i blacked out and completely missed last week and i don't know what happened but i was just like i've got time i miss i miss i miss my peeps i miss my peeps you guys are my peeps we don't want to be your peeps well too bad you're my peeps hey what up peeps that's a hard p p peeps i uh i i had a weird fun week so i uh one thing i i'm just gonna run through my list of cool things i uh i i tweeted i tweeted a tweet and um it got like all these uh likes and retweets and stuff and i was like interesting and so then a couple days later i uh i tried again i went out and i i i followed the same scenario uh whereby i found a very hot twitter uh twitter tweet that a lot of people were interacting with and liking and retweeting and i put a pithy comment into that and uh this is because it had worked before and uh it got 450 likes and uh 50 retweets and nothing you know no one no followers that doesn't happen that's fine uh but it's neat to see uh how things work or don't work you know depending on your view for me i was just like oh this is cool all these people like stuff my phone is blown up blown up so then last night uh the wife has been away she's been in a conference that's been me and the kids and uh they don't sleep necessarily she left on thursday at uh she she was up at 4 like 15 in the morning it's been i was basically up at 4 15 in the morning uh and then she left at 508 at 5 12 the kids got up that's early that's an early early time to wake up um and then that night uh the kids had a hard time going to bed this is thursday night and then one of them woke up screaming ah at 11 30 at night i had been asleep at that point for 1.5 hours an hour and a half and he screamed so loud and so that i was up i thought i i honestly uh and i don't say this often i thought i was having a heart attack because i was so deep asleep and i was in the middle of a dream that was kind of nightmarish we'll say uh and right when something terrible was about to happen so i was already a little bit amped up in my dream and screamed and i was like oh i hit the ceiling i got i ran i was so out of sorts and confused and i was just like what what's going what happened what's the matter he's just like i've got sniffles it's like what sniffles in my house are almost like the end of the world when one of them has sniffles all bets are off uh there will be no sleep there will be no peace there will be no happiness there will be no joy because sniffles are in the house so i had to gather my myself gather my brain and then i went and i found some of the that vapor rub so i sm i slathered that all over him which then causes a freak out because he doesn't like stuff being slathered so like lotion uh you know soap whatever conditioner in his hair that oh it feels weird ah but you know you can't breathe let's put this on you we'll see what happens you're good to go wasn't enough was not enough uh so we're trying to blow nose not experts at blowing noses yet uh so then i run downstairs and i get some uh some medicine now we have a couple of different uh kid medicines they're all homeopathic stuff uh so one of them has melatonin in it it's like dark honey and uh echinacea and melatonin whatever and it's supposed to like soothe the throat and help them sleep but the thing was by that time it was already 12 15 and i didn't want to give him that because if it forced him to sleep he would have to go to sleep and then he's not gonna get up in the morning and he's got to go to school can't miss school for a sniffle uh excuse me mr bumper car why wasn't your son here at school today oh well he had the sniffles oh really bring him in now please so i knew i couldn't do that one and then the other one there's another one that's uh the kind of the dark honey i don't know why everything's dark honey what's dark honey dark honey it's like dark matter it's like the bees no dark honey exists and then the other one there's another one that's uh the kind of the but they can't quite find it well it's in my medicine cabinet so and he's not a huge fan of the of the dark honey to be honest but then there's another one that is more for uh for congestion and for sniffles and so i got that and here you go and then about an hour later he went to sleep that point i'm pretty i'm pretty wide awake all the adrenaline is you know still flowing so from 11 30 12 31 about 132 i get back to sleep good for me uh six o'clock they woke up which was nice that's that six o'clock is late it's perfect i was a little tired though friday was a little bit of a tired day for me luckily uh i had a dentist appointment in the morning so i took them to school came home and uh kind of just sat partially comatose in the corner until it's time to go to the dentist and then i go and i you know what i do i i rest i nap dentist for me so far knock on wood has been a good experience not a horrifying bad scary experience let's keep that up teeth let's keep it up although they did take x-rays and they were like you see this that shadow is the beginning of a cavity i was just like oh no i don't want any more cavities i look at my mouth in the mirror and it's just like cavity i'm a cavity creep can't stand them disgusting 2017 can't we do something better about cavities i don't know uv lights lasers i don't know so but the dentist was fine so the kids the kids were good so i tell you that story because then last night uh they went to their their their their uh grandparents house that night uh which left me friday night to have a lot of fun do a lot of things like you know cleaning laundry falling asleep at 9 30 what whoop whoop whoop whoo like that um and then saturday i got up and when i went up to pick them up and uh and last night i could tell we were in for a night we were in for a real night because they were kind of a little tired a little overtired uh but the sniffles were still there the sniffles were there in full effect i'm not gonna lie the sniffles were they were serious business and so i i was just like all right we're gonna do everything now we're gonna we're gonna give you medicine we're gonna slather we're gonna blow some teeth and we started to go to bed at 8 12 i got them upstairs day 12 we brushed teeth we got into pajamas uh laid down i was in the room for two hours trying to soothe everyone trying to calm everyone trying to get everybody to go to sleep one of the kids and so what i started doing i had a fun time with it so that i wouldn't go crazy is i uh i live tweeted it and i was trying to i would read about threading tweets which is where you like write a tweet and then you uh reply to yourself but you cut out the name and you put the your new tweet in so it becomes like this uh a string like a thread and uh i it was fun i did like 16 of them and i it was you should go read it whatever my way uh natty bumper car twitter and um but then i think i read i think i might have done it wrong i wasn't threading properly i improperly threaded uh because i'm new to this i wish i would have known more but i was i was in a bit of a hurried state a harried state as well hey what's going on you want to talk now you don't want to talk uh we got another uh two minutes i was telling the story about last night how you're uh you had the sniffles and how you had you woke up oh and then last night once i got once i got them to bed i was asleep and at 11 30 again the door opens their bedroom door opens and it was you no it wasn't then who was it i don't know oh and you know who was by the door oliver's bear barry he was right by the door do you think he opened the door i don't know it was exciting though oh you want to listen okay we got new uh covers for the earphones don't those feel much better the old ones were like 10 years old and they were they were the old uh foamy foamy things that touch your ears they were yucky they were yucked down well these are the same headphones but these are new pads you'll see that the foamy the foamy are you coming over so i guess we're gonna have a special guest right now oh okay let's not pull everything down though so uh there you go what's out nothing there you go you want to tell a story um no okay well this you have been a great

Natty Bumpercar's child: interview what did you do today you went to the pool what'd you do with the pool and then we uh went rock climbing rock climbing that doesn't make any sense yes it does where'd you were there mountains no was there snow on the ground no how is that possible climbing on rocks it was a big wall and there was this rope thingy to make us go up and if we fall it makes us go

Natty Bumpercar: down all the way kind of like a parachute right yeah so like it uh it's called an auto belay an auto belay doesn't it sound very fancy yes and how far up to the top did you get

Natty Bumpercar's child: all the way you got all the way up to the top yes what was at the top of yours i can't remember

Natty Bumpercar: mine had mine had a monkey thing mine had a fire truck wait really yeah that's cool

Natty Bumpercar's child: did uh ollie do it too no why not why not i don't know uh what are you doing tonight you got any big plans no no big plans

Natty Bumpercar: uh you got a babysitter though right yeah what are you guys you guys gonna have a big party

Natty Bumpercar's child: big fun time yeah probably probably

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March 26, 2017
Bumperpodcast #290 – Yeti

Yeti stops by to talk about all of the snow, Bumpercar offends him – and then catches you up on all kinds of fun stuff!

Do you like snow? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this winter-themed episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar receives a visit from a mostly silent Yeti who delivers bad news about more snow coming. Natty vents about dealing with blizzards, snow days, and cabin fever with his kids, who lasted only 15 minutes playing outside before retreating indoors. He shares the family's preparations for catching a leprechaun for St. Patrick's Day using an elaborate cookie-baited trap, revealing his son Emerson's newfound obsession with getting rich from leprechaun gold. Natty also discusses his painful journey learning guitar for an upcoming kids' show, culminating in a mixed reception from his children when he attempted to perform "If You're Happy and You Know It."

Memorable Quotes

“Children see snow and then they're like I want to play in that and then they go outside and they're like maybe this is not so much fun maybe this is kind of cold and kind of hurts my face.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“He used to call leprechauns clovers and it was one of those kid things that I loved more than anything because it was a mistake but I wasn't gonna correct him on it.”

— Natty Bumpercar

“Emerson has become obsessed with being rich and he thinks that the best way to go about doing that is not hard work, is to catch the leprechaun and have him give you his gold coins.”

— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #winter #snowday #parenting #stpatricksday #leprechaun #music #learningguitar #familylife

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: hey everybody it's me natty bumper car and today in studio we have a very special guest i think that's it's it's yeti a very talkative yeti hey yeti how are you doing what are you doing today what are you doing in your eye i just ran out of breath okay yeah yeah okay i get it yeah well so uh yeti is here because we had a giant snow blizzard a thing last week and or two days ago i guess and the ground is still covered in snow and i'm guessing that you're you're here to tell me that this is the last snow of the season right we're not getting any more snow please is that what you're please please please telling me oh come on really when this this weekend okay so evidently this weekend we're gonna get more snow i'm so sick of snow i'm so sick of winter i don't like it i don't like it i don't like it at all i don't like it one bit no i'm not talking about you i'm just saying winter i'm just saying winter in general yeti i love it when you come around i just can't deal with all the winter just come on buddy all right you know what i think what would make you feel better is if you went outside and played in the snow does that sound like a good idea does that sound like something you want to do does that sound like something like maybe you think you would like to do okay well that sounds okay yes exactly okay bye yeti thanks for stopping by wow that was exciting guys because he said that this weekend is going to actually be the last bit of snow and it's not going to be that much snow it's going to be like an inch or two so that's going to add on to what we have already there will be snow drifts there will be children crying going outside because they see snow children see snow and then they're like i want to play in that and then they go outside and they're like baby this is not so much fun maybe this is kind of cold and kind of hurts my face and my hands oh now i'm wet well then i'm really gonna cry because not only am i am wet but i'm also freezing cold that's the reaction that my children had uh two days ago um let's go outside let's go outside it was like we can't go outside it's a blizzard you don't go outside in a blizzard like you don't we do you see you can't see out the window because it's all snow it's a whiteout you don't go outside in that uh which leads to pretty quickly leads to cabin fever which means your kids are just really just running into each other and running into things and falling over and freaking out all day um you know i understand the schools need to close every so often but why oh why and then so we did we went outside i don't know maybe uh 10 30 and uh played for a little bit and uh i think they lasted 15 minutes and it was good running around for 15 minutes and then the little one was like i don't want to do this i was like go back inside i'll shovel but in the big one he kept on grabbing chunks of snow and throwing it back to where i just shoveled and i was just like stop stop doing that stop daddy just i just i just and he was like i know and i was like no then why are you come on so it was good fun i um and then the next day delayed opening the bane of all parents in the world delayed opening so wait that means you're still going to school which means you're going to freak out about going to school but it also means that you're hanging out here with me and freaking out for longer abu abu but that doesn't matter snow day good time we actually had fun we played games we played chess uh pieces were thrown we uh had we had treats sweet treats like cookies and we uh built a box so here's a cool thing this week is uh saint patrick's day week i guess that's maybe i don't know when it is this week and uh i guess it's it's a relatively new thing where they try to capture the leprechaun and it's become a whole ordeal so we had we built a box and we decorated the box and it's it's a trap for the leprechaun and um that's terrible i understand that i haven't you haven't really changed your voice at all for this character okay and so this is very difficult fourth wall uh however i knew that you have a trip for me and i will not be coming to your trip so the leprechaun out okay well so i guess that was a leprechaun that just stuck his head into the studio that's what we're gonna assume that's we're gonna we're gonna pretend that i guess it's difficult to do uh accents and funny voices at the same time perfect that's fine but we did we we built a uh a leprechaun trap and um this year was actually sad because this was the first year that emerson he used to call leprechauns clovers and it was one of those kid things that i loved more than anything because it was a mistake but i wasn't gonna correct it on i wasn't gonna correct him on it and so it was just um he's like we're gonna catch the clover this is last year we're gonna catch the clover where's the clover gonna be is the clover gonna come the clover does shenanigans and i was just like the clover does shenanigans that's i make me that makes me happy um but now we're catching leprechauns and that's fine because it's still fun so we built the uh we built the box and the way the it works is we have it's it's a classic trap it's a box it's going to be up on one on one side it's got two sticks coming down on the front so it's kind of you know holding it or maybe one sec i think we'll do one stick so it's kind of uh positioned it's just balancing there inside the trap there's going to be a plate on the plate there's going to be a cookie uh probably a green like a shamrock cookie we're going to tie string to the uh to the shamrock cookie and we're going to tie that string to the little post that's holding the box standing up theory being that when the leprechaun grabs the cookie to eat it because how can he not so it's a shamrock cookie right there he's gonna pull box is gonna fall boom we got the leprechaun and the goal being when we capture this leprechaun he's gonna take us to his pot of gold emerson has become obsessed with being rich uh and he thinks that the best way to go about doing that is not hard work is not doing well in school and and moving on in life no no no my friends the best way to get rich is to catch the leprechaun and have him give you his gold coins so i will update you next week on what happens i'm very excited i'm very nervous about what could possibly happen in my house this morning he when he was going to school this morning he was just like saint patrick's day is tomorrow and i was like i know that means we have to set up our trap he's like yeah the trap like he was really into it he was really excited so that's that's big news other big news around headquarters i uh i think last week i was telling you that people are having me asking me asking me to work on uh doing a kid show and so i i part of a kid show that i'm doing is to do a couple of songs so i wrote one song so far and i got the idea for another one um and but i need a guitar i need to learn to play the guitar i've been trying to do it for 20 years and i couldn't do it and so over the last few days like 20 minutes a day sometimes even more uh i've been trying to learn guitar and oh my fingers hurt so bad on my uh what is this left hand my pointer finger my ring finger and my left hand and my right hand and my left hand and my right hand and my left hand and my right hand and my left hand and my left hand and my right hand finger the tips of them they hurt i didn't know that i'd heard oh it's gonna hurt a little bit no it hurts a lot bit and now every time i touch anything my fingers are like oh i hope he's not making us play the guitar but i'm not i'm just standing i just put my fingers down it just hurts but it's cool man this is the first time so i figured out all these chords there's like uh wait well first let's see it's e d g b i forgot how the strings go well here's the chords i learned and i learned an e chord an a chord an e minor an a minor a g a d a c a d7 a d7 what so i've started to figure all these chords out and the more i do them the more my fingers seem to kind of know what they're supposed to do um and then so last night what i did was i was like all right let's try to take all these things that i'm starting to figure out and then let's put them into a song and so what song did i figure out um i went i went and i went i went and i went and i found the chords for oh if you're happy and you know it so it's like a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum like that and um so i practiced that a lot last night and then this morning i got up and i practiced it a few times and i was like kids gather round and uh which for them means that they have to they pretend they're their jackets like they actually get on me and they hold on like their coats like i've made like i'm cruella deville making coats of my children for me and i was just like no no no back away back away dada has something amazing to show you and they were like what is it and i pulled out the guitar and i was like what is it and i pulled out the guitar and i was like what is it and i pulled out the guitar and they were like no and i was like the strum a strum a strum a strum a strum a strum actually it wasn't like that it was like strum string string string and ollie got excited emmer was just like no no no and i was like please emmer was just like no no no and i was like please

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March 16, 2017
Bumperpodcast #288 – Dinos & Animals

Today, we have one of our favorite guests on the show to talk about dinosaurs, and animals. It’s more fun than it should be on today’s Bumperpodcast!

Do you listen? Let us know by sending an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com.

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

About This Episode

In this heartwarming episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar is joined by a special guest, Oliver, who's home sick from school with wobbly legs and a cough. The two dive into an adorable discussion about dinosaurs, covering sauropods, theropods, and omnivores while trying to remember which creatures eat what. They also chat about Oliver's recent dentist visit where he learned he has forty teeth, and transition into talking about meat-eating and plant-eating animals from lions to giraffes. The episode concludes with Oliver performing an impromptu song about all his favorite things, from dinosaurs to family members, making this a sweet and silly departure from the show's usual puppet-driven format.

Memorable Quotes

“I didn't know I had a million teeth! Oh, he said ten teeth on the hair and ten teeth on here.”

— Oliver

“Don't spit on my microphone with your little sick spit, and don't touch your mouth with your sick germs. Keep your germs away from me! Daddy's got shows this weekend!”

— Natty Bumpercar

“That means I'm an omnivore. Yeah, because I eat anything.”

— Oliver

Topics: #dinosaurs #animals #family #children #education #beingsick #dentist

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: Oh hey Bumper Podcast, it's me Natty Bumper Car and today I've got a little friend. Who is it?

Unknown: Oliver.

Natty Bumpercar: Oliver, why are you here? What's going on?

Unknown: I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: Why are you at home today?

Unknown: Because I don't have school.

Natty Bumpercar: But I think you do have school. I don't have school because my head will hurt. Your head was hurting? Yeah. And what happened when you were going down the stairs? What happened to your legs?

Unknown: They were wobbly.

Natty Bumpercar: You had wobbly legs? Oh no! That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. Do you feel better now?

Unknown: Yeah!

Natty Bumpercar: That makes me happy. You slept a lot today. Uh oh. You have a big cough too, right?

Unknown: I know.

Natty Bumpercar: Why do you keep coughing? All the time.

Unknown: I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, do you think you keep coughing because you're a frog?

Unknown: Wah!

Natty Bumpercar: Because if you're a frog, I need to know right now, my friend. Wah! Okay, you're not a frog. Hey Ollie, so when you were sleeping today, did you have any dreams or anything? Yeah! What did you dream about? I don't know! Secret dreams? No! You don't have to yell. You don't have to yell because people can hear you. Were they… Silly dreams, or funny dreams, or scary dreams?

Unknown: They're not scary dreams.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

Unknown: I'm scared of scary dreams!

Natty Bumpercar: You're scared of scary dreams? Okay, I didn't know that. Let's stop touching everything, all right? Let's put our hands on our knees. That's good. We can hear you breathing. Breathing and coughing. That's going to be the name of this podcast. Breathing and coughing. And breathing and coughing. Breathing and coughing. Breathing and coughing. Ah. Um, so Ollie, what did you do this week that was fun? Did you go somewhere and lay down on a chair and they… I did…

Unknown: Wait a minute.

Natty Bumpercar: Wait a minute. Where did you go this week?

Unknown: Uh, nowhere!

Natty Bumpercar: Your brother was there too? He was in a different room?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Where'd you go?

Unknown: We don't know. I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: And then afterwards they gave you a prize?

Unknown: What is that?

Natty Bumpercar: You're like a goldfish. You have no memory. This was…

Unknown: Is that the dentist?

Natty Bumpercar: That's it. You went to the dentist. Was it fun?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: What did you do there? Did they look at your teeth? Did they count your teeth? Yeah. How many teeth did you have?

Unknown: A million? Oh, he said ten teeth on the hair and ten teeth on here.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, so you had ten teeth on that side. So you had twenty teeth? Ten. But ten on this side on the bottom. Ten on this side on the bottom. Ten on this side on the top. Ten on the bottom. 10 on the top, 10 on that side on the top, so that's 10, 20, 30, 40!

Unknown: Oh, yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Yep, yep.

Unknown: I didn't know.

Natty Bumpercar: And did they ask you any questions, like how many times did you brush your teeth?

Unknown: Yep.

Natty Bumpercar: And what did you say? Uh… You said twice, I think you said. But you don't. You actually only brush them once. Dirty little secret. But we need to start brushing them twice, right? Don't spit on my microphone with your little sick spit, and don't touch your mouth with your sick germs. Keep your germs away from me! Daddy's got shows this weekend! Bum, bum, bum. Hey, what is your, um, you want to talk about dinosaurs?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Dinosaurs or animals, what do you think is a better thing to talk about?

Unknown: Dinosaurs.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, of course.

Unknown: I don't know what all the dinosaurs are. Let's do them.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Uh, what is a sauropod?

Unknown: Uh, stegosaurus?

Natty Bumpercar: Stegosaurus is, isn't a sauropod the one that, that are on two feet? Yeah. Didn't we figure that out? Oh, T-Rex! T-Rex is, is a sauropod.

Unknown: And Spinosaurus!

Natty Bumpercar: Spinosaurus is a, I hope we're doing this right. I think a Spinosaurus, if, if, if two feet is a sauropod, then Spinosaurus. Spinosaurus is a sauropod. Yeah, he walks on two legs.

Unknown: What about, uh, what's another one?

Natty Bumpercar: Dimetrodon eats meat because he walks on four legs. Wait, Dimetrodon?

Unknown: Yeah. Does he eat meat? Yeah, because he walks on four legs. But if he walks on four legs, isn't he a theropod and doesn't he not eat meat?

Natty Bumpercar: I thought most theropods were plant eaters. Some theropods eat meat.

Unknown: Oh. So if they eat meat, what kind of, what are they?

Natty Bumpercar: Uh, are they omnivores? They're omnivores. They're omnivores. They're omnivores. Okay, so what kind of omnivores are they? They're omnivores. They're omnivores.

Unknown: They're omnivores. They're omnivores. Are they? A troodon is an omnivore.

Natty Bumpercar: A troodon is? Yeah. He's also the smartest dinosaur. Right? Yep.

Unknown: That's what the book said. Do we read a lot of books about dinosaurs?

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

Unknown: Uh, what are the kind that fly? I can't think of that. Uh.

Natty Bumpercar: Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Unknown: Uh.

Natty Bumpercar: Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Unknown: Uh.

Natty Bumpercar: Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh.

Unknown: Paracelophilus. Paracelophilus?

Natty Bumpercar: Paracelophilus? Yeah. Is he a… Yeah, he's a plant eater. What is a distinguishing feature of a Paracelophilus? Like, what is something different about him? It's on his head.

Unknown: He has a crest.

Natty Bumpercar: He has a crest or does he have a horn?

Unknown: Crest.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, he has a crest. Okay. And I thought, but isn't he the one who can make noises with the thing on his head?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. Are there any… So let's say you talk about meat eaters. We talked about… Plant eaters. Are there any other kinds of dinosaurs? Yeah. What kind?

Unknown: Swimming creatures.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, swimming creatures.

Unknown: I know what it is. A plesiosaurs.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, I like plesiosaurs. What do the swimming creatures eat?

Unknown: Fish.

Natty Bumpercar: They eat fish? Okay. You know, I don't like fish.

Unknown: A dinosuchus?

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, wait. What is a dinosuchus? You saw that on your show.

Unknown: It's a crocodile. It's a big, big crocodile.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, it is? It sounds kind of scary.

Unknown: Fish sticks or fish?

Natty Bumpercar: Fish sticks or fish. Yeah. So a dinosuchus… I like to eat it. You like… You love fish sticks, don't you? Maybe for dinner we'll have some fish sticks.

Unknown: Whether it be… Not chicken ones. I don't like the chicken ones.

Natty Bumpercar: You don't like the chicken sticks? You like fish sticks?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: That's good to know. So does that mean you're a sea dinosaur? A water dinosaur?

Unknown: I eat chicken nuggets or meat. And broccoli. Broccoli and peas?

Natty Bumpercar: Broccoli and peas are your favorite vegetables.

Unknown: Plants. Okay. That means I'm an omnivore.

Natty Bumpercar: You're an omnivore?

Unknown: Yeah, because I eat anything.

Natty Bumpercar: You know what else is an omnivore? What? A wolf.

Unknown: Why?

Natty Bumpercar: Because they eat anything they can get their hands on. I think wolves are. And bears are, too. Right?

Unknown: They both eat meat.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, but they eat meat, but they'll eat… Bears will eat berries and stuff, too. And I think maybe roots and whatnot. Fish! They'll eat fish. I think they'll eat fish. They love salmon. They'll catch salmon right out of the river.

Unknown: And we like some… I don't know.

Natty Bumpercar: But do you think…

Unknown: Let's talk about animals now.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you want to talk about animals now? You're really driving the show. This is great.

Unknown: Let's talk about meat eaters.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, we're back to meat eaters.

Unknown: Lions!

Natty Bumpercar: Lions are meat eaters. What about hyenas?

Unknown: Yep.

Natty Bumpercar: What about… Is a zebra a meat eater?

Unknown: No. No, it's a plant eater.

Natty Bumpercar: It's a plant eater.

Unknown: And a tiger.

Natty Bumpercar: Tiger is a meat eater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about an eagle?

Unknown: Fish eater.

Natty Bumpercar: Fish eater. Womp, womp.

Unknown: That's all the meat eaters.

Natty Bumpercar: That's all of them? There's got to be more than that.

Unknown: I think there's one that I know.

Natty Bumpercar: What about Irving Brownsox? Is he a meat eater?

Unknown: He's a dog eater.

Natty Bumpercar: Ew! He's not a… He is a dog. He's not a dog eater. Come on.

Unknown: Socks is our pet.

Natty Bumpercar: Socks is our pet. You're right. You're so right. How could I ever forget that? Oh my goodness.

Unknown: Now let's talk about plant eaters.

Natty Bumpercar: Plant eaters. Where my plant eaters at? Whoop, whoop, whoop. What's a plant eater?

Unknown: A zebra.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, and what about a giraffe?

Unknown: Yeah!

Natty Bumpercar: Did you know that giraffe's necks are so long?

Unknown: Yeah. With the blackish horses.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, you're very right. We're bringing it back around to dinosaurs. You're really good at this, Oliver. I had no idea. You're better at it than I am. Normally I just get on here and say a lot of junk for ten minutes. Do you think we should go pretty soon?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, we've got to go. Where are we going to go? What do we got to do? We got some errands? We got to go pick up some garbage?

Unknown: No.

Natty Bumpercar: What are we going to go pick up?

Unknown: Emerson.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. Oh, we got to go pick Emerson up. That's right. Because he went to school today. You've been out of school. You were out of school yesterday. You're out of school today. You're probably, I don't even know. We're going to see about tomorrow. Because you are not getting much better. But you say you're feeling better. You just had that little fever yesterday.

Unknown: Now can we go back upstairs, please?

Natty Bumpercar: Before we go upstairs, can you sing me a quick song?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, let's hold on. Let's think about it. Do you want to hear a song?

Unknown: Yeah. It was all my favorite.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, do that one. One, two, three, go.

Unknown: It was all my favorite. It was all my favorite. It's all the dinosaurs. It's all the farm animals. It's all the jellyfish. It's all the fishies. It's all the whales. It's all the polar bears. It's all the… Oh. Oh.

Natty Bumpercar: Mommy and Daddy.

Unknown: It's both an hours. It's Mommy and Daddy and Saxton.

Natty Bumpercar: And Emerson.

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: And Gigi and Pop-Pop?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: And Keegan and Kam?

Unknown: Yeah.

Natty Bumpercar: Hooray. I love you, buddy.

Unknown: Okay. Let's go.

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March 3, 2017