Tag Archive for: baby

Today – a baby takes over and does a whole lot of laughing on the Bumperpodcast … it may be too much laughing.

There probably isn’t enough laughing. This is a lot of laughing. I really hope that you like laughing, giggling, chortling, titters and a bunch of the hee-hee-hee … I really do!

Listen to the Bumperpodcast and laugh along for yourself … Why don’t ya?!


There I was, on the couch, enjoying a three and a quarter minute respite. When all of a sudden, from out of the blue, I felt a tumultuous little beast approach. In a blur, in a flash, he had scampered up the couch – and I made the mistake of not paying attention.

The boy was angered (but, really, not so much). I had turned the other cheek. I had pushed him aside for sleep. I had not given him his proper due.

So, while standing at my knees, he turned and looked away, and then, he stood and started to bounce. He thought about the rest of his day and then he probably started to smile – before he, with a healthy dose of abandon, blindly threw himself backwards.

The back of his head is made of rock – but – the bridge of my nose is totally not. A lightning of pain and stars exploded in my head.

I fell off of the couch, rolling around and yowling like a seriously injured cat – and Ma Bumpercar ran into the room to see what all of the commotion was about. I was still on the floor, and my hands were over my face and I said “I tink he brode my node … I tink he brode my node …” I heard her rush over and say “No, Baby Bumpercar … No.” Evidently – he saw his opportunity to finish me off and had perched himself on the edge of the couch – where he was getting ready to pounce on me.

After some internet research and some staring in the mirror, I took some Tylenol and put an ice pack into the boo-boo bear and sat on the couch. Baby Bumpercar got excited that I was using his boo-boo bear and started dancing around and running up to me to snatch him away while fanatically yelling the word “Bear” over and over.

I went to a show that night with a puffy face looking moderately like a raccoon and terribly joked that I could either be called Natty Bump-on-nose – or – Puff Natty – both of which actually hurt to type out – because they are that unfunny. I was told over and over that I needed to go to a doctor – that it was so-so broken (or at least fractured) … I was undecided as to what to do. I figured that I would sleep on it.

I was, honestly, kind of excited about the prospect of having a broken nose … I’ve never broken anything other than an errant toe or two … and think of the story! My 22 month old breaks my nose … how tremendous is that?! Imagine what he’s going to be doing to me when he is 4 … Imagine how great that pain is going to be!

The next morning, I was super-puffy and the nose still hurt – so I went to the doctor and spent the entire day hanging out, getting looked at and eventually getting x-rayed. My doctor said that he “would be shocked if it wash’t broken” and that he “had a guy” who could fix me right up … He “had a guy”?! How exciting was that? I love it when people have specific people who can do specific situational jobs/things … it reminded me of when I had a truck and lived in Brooklyn … People would be talking about having to move some stuff and, I’m guessing, they would be hit with the phrase “You’re moving? Well – I have got a guy that can definitely help you with that …” – – and then I wondered – – what kind of situation is there that comes up where am I still “the guy” – – and then I got sad.

When I missed the nurse calling back with the results – they couldn’t have been more underwhelming … “results came back normal … just keep on icing the area and taking pain medication as needed.” What?! Seriously, what did that even mean? I had to call her back to find out – which seemed to make her angry … as she said, almost verbatim, “results came back normal … just keep on icing the area and taking pain medication as needed.”

And that, my friends, is how you end a story with a whimper … The nose wasn’t broken … Just bruised really bad. So – it looks like this round went to my nose, Baby Bumpercar … Better luck next time!

On a quick side-note … I hope that there isn’t a ‘next time’ … because if not breaking my nose hurt as bad ad it did – then – I can’t even moderately comprehend how much the real deal would hurt. Maybe I’ll just invest in a lot of bubble wrap – or – a face mask – or – a marshmallow nose guard – or – something?!


A super-duper-terrific guest who hasn’t been in in a long time stops by and lets the Bumperpodcast in on everything exciting that has been going on in his life.

This is an episode that is not to be missed. It might be your favorite episode ever – but – how will you know unless you take the time to sit a spell and listen to today’s Bumperpodcast!

Then the saddest thing happened . . . Well – to be completely honest – it isn’t really the saddest thing ever . . . but it is a real distinction of a passage of time that seems to be moving ahead at a rocket’s pace. Our tiniest of crew members has started being shipped off four days a week to the dreaded land knows only as daycare. And even with all of the deepest pits in my tiny bird-like stomach getting deeper and deeper the closer that the initial drop-off came – I have to say that the boy seems to really be enjoying the process . . . a lot.

Almost 11 months – or so – ago, a bunch of applications were filled out and contact numbers were called. While the situation of getting to hang out with the tiny all of the time was an appealing prospect, the super amount of stress of not being able to work or sleep or work or make money or take business calls or have a tenth of a brain to be able to make things made the whole thing daunting.

A quick side-note. What a grand world it would be if we could just hang out at home with the wifey and the doggie and the baby – in our headquarters that was more than a handful of rooms big . . . where there was an ounce of extra inches to have a work space and a fun space – instead of having it all jumbled on top of each other. Wow! That was kind of close to griping – really though – it was just a Bumpercar having a dream – and is that really such a bad thing at all?! I didn’t think so.

Back to the boy.

Now – how could this happen? Why couldn’t Socks step up – or maybe Robot could have done something? Why in the world – with a Headquarters full of helpers couldn’t someone have stepped up to keep this from happening?!

Jeez. Relax. It is a great thing. He loves it a lot. A whole lot. And, it is so good for him to be around other small people – picking up their tricks and their germs and whatnot – but that is a story for a different day. Do I sound like I’m trying to convince myself? Maybe a little bit . . . I miss having the screams and the giggles around the house – but – it is good. Look at me – getting to write something again – how fun is that!?

On with the story.

The place is nice enough. There are rooms with other small people doing things that small people seem to enjoy doing. My boss took a trip out and gave the place a stern once over, reviews were read online and things seemed to be all in order. I then went in to meet people and take my own look around – under the guise of dropping off some papers – and a registration check – yeouch – money – money – money! It passed my tests as well – and so – things were set into motion. The boy would be joining the fold of the small people who do things that other small people seem to enjoy doing . . . and he would be the best at that activity that there ever was (unless you have ever had a tiny – and then from your perspective – the judges will accept that we came in second best – – not third, though. If you have multiple children – then we are going to have to give you first place and then third and up from there. We get second – or – we take our ball and leave the court.).

The first day, we got there 1/2 hour late because packing and rushing and trying to get someplace at a designated time is next to impossible at this point. We were only there for an hour – and it was snack time. There was a tiny table and each child got a cracker. Maybe it was a Ritz. I had to go to the office to fill out a bunch more paperwork. If you know me at all – then you know how much I absolutely love filling out paperwork – except not really. In the office, there was a video camera where I could sit and watch everything that was going on . . . that mostly consisted of what I have already mentioned – – small people doing things that small people seem to enjoy doing. I should mention that there was nary a whimper or even a glance over his shoulder when I left the room. That was bittersweet. While I didn’t want him to cry – and he hasn’t figured out how to wave yet – maybe he could have blinked once to acknowledge what was going on – or something . . . The hour was up. We got into our jalopy and zipped back to Headquarters.

The next day was the hour where I was to drop him off and go about my merry way . . . for an hour. I did my part with the dropping, he did his part with the not looking back and off I went to get a pedicure – again – that is a story for another day. I went and picked him up from his playing and we headed home. The initial two days had been a swimming success!

The rest of the week went well. We got better at mobilizing and getting all of everything that is needed on a daily basis all packed up. And things around the house slowly started to get less undone and moderately more done. The drop-offs weren’t difficult at all – as there was still no recognition that a drop-off was even occurring. The world was shaping up to be a nice little place. All of the fears were for naught – right?! Well – maybe . . . I’m only taking you up to the end of week number 1 at this point . . . who knows what monsters lie in wait in week number 2?! Only the Jabberwocky . . . Only the Jabberwocky knows.

Howdy all.

This is a quick follow-up to the mountain of stress that was last night. It will hopefully put your minds at ease – and make you feel a touch better about where things were left off in my last little report.

dotorAs I think I put at the end of my last note – the baby is back to being a baby who loves to breathe. I sat up with him until this morning – and then there was a shift change – and the next crew came in to make sure that the situation was going smoothly.We then all went to the doctor’s office – where we were met with randomly oscillating waves of “the baby is fine” and “you should have taken him to the emergency room immediately.” That was perfect  – just what our brains needed – confusion, guilt and more stress!

horseLastly – we went to a children’s hospital (which I tried to amuse myself by calling a ‘horse-pi-tal’ – cough – yep!) – and saw a gastroenterologist who was tremendously nice – and answered all of our questions (with none of the guilt!) and checked J-em from head to toe. She determined that he was a “thriving baby” – which is a great way to describe a baby – and that  as healthy as he was – that it was just a random freak occurrence  that possibly some mucus had gotten stuck in his throat – and that while we should – obviously – keep an eye on him . . . Basically – he didn’t break – he was no worse for the wear – we had done good by him – and the world was a decent place to be.

It was a good way to wrap up the day. The long – long day. At the end . . . the baby was fine – we were exhausted – and now all we have to do is figure out how to get some sleep – with all of the miserable of last night floating around. All in all – a definite win for the home team!

winI got asked why I wrote about the whole thing . . . Why would I put it out there . . . What was the point? Pretty simple – actually – I didn’t want to have it all jumbling up in my head – and it makes me feel better to write stuff down – or draw silly pictures – or make cartoons – or – or – or whatever. So – that is what I did – and I’m totally totally glad that I did. Did. Did. Did.

Thanks a bunch for all of your well wishes . . .

Everybody – remember to keep breathing.