I probably wrote out 10 things last night. I really – seriously – probably – tried to post it. I honestly thought that it went out onto the tubes. But it didn’t.

I don’t even have a copy of my list . . . 

So here is my shot at trying to re-make my list.

  1. I’ve been seeing either a lot of skunks lately – or – one skunk a whole lot.
  2. I woke up on Tuesday with a band-aid on my arm and couldn’t remember where it came from.
  3. There was an elephant nabbing in my house this week.
  4. Don’t let your dogs eat leaves. It doesn’t end well.
  5. Legal papers give headaches.
  6. I found the band-aid on my arm again. It was Thursday. 
  7. The world snowed on me. I didn’t like it.

(hey . . . 8 out of 10 isn’t all that bad – right?!)

Another odd trip on the bus today happened when I – who was all kinds of ticket less – due to giving my last paid ride to a little bird this morning – tried to get onto the bus.

Now – normally – you can just pay the fare and everything is fine. But this bus driver and I seem to be oil and water. He is the same one that drove by me one day and then yelled at me when I ran after him. He is great!

All I had was a twenty. So at first – he didn’t even want me to get onto the bus at all. Then he started grumbling about how he wasn’t a bank and that he didn’t have change. I replied that while I was sorry that was the only bill that I had, I didn’t get why it was a problem – since he was clearly holding enough change.

At this point – it was “on” as the kids say . . . And it seemed like he was about to kick me off the bus – which would have stunk. He said that the change was for other people and that I should have gotten my own – which confused me – because I didn’t know that change only went to certain people. So I said “I’m really not sure why you are hassling me so much. I ride this bus all of the time and you are the only one that I have ever had trouble with.” He gave me a look. So I kept on with “Yeah – you drove right by me one day with your sign that said ‘out of service’ and made me run after you.”

He seemed to remember the other event – our last skirmish. He let me stay on. There were no other words spoken. The other passengers were glad for that.

Eventually he gave me my change and I said “Thanks. It won’t happen again.”

I guess I didn’t feel like getting bullied by this curmudgeon – but it sure made for a not so fun ride. And who knows if he will ever stop for me again . . .

Oil and Water. Oil and Water. Oil and Water.

Stuff the first:
• I’ve been doing a lot of sneezing lately. But not the kind of sneezing that most humans are used to. I am talking crazy ten in a row seeing spots in front of my eyes – when will this end – types of sneezing. To make it stop – I gargle with Listerine (mostly because it kind of hurts – and I want my sneezing mechanisms to feel the pain that they are putting me through) and then I snort water up my nose (which I only recommend if you are interested in partially drowning yourself). The sneezing then tends to stop. Until it all starts over again.

Stuff the second:
• Today – while coming back from a walk – Socks was caught scooting along behind me. When I turned around to see what he was doing – he actually looked ashamed – turned his eyes away and hopped up to start walking again. I had to explain to him that I would much rather that he drag his tiny dog butt outside on the grass than on my pillow. That would be a fireable offense.

Stuff the third:
• There is a house down the street with a monster of a dog. It freaks out everytime we walk down the road. The owner-lady was out in the yard today and she used the old “He’s really big – but believe me – he’s a sweetheart.” and then she threw in the old standby of “His bark is much worse than he is.” Okay – so she mixed the old standby up a smidge – who among us hasn’t?!
Anyway – it got me thinking – do all animal owners think that their puppies are inherently as sweet as pie? Would they think that way if they owned a badger – or a King Cobra – or a Puma – or whatever? “Oh look at how adorable my pet Hyena Freckles is . . . he just gutted your dog . . . Oh – but it’s okay – they are just playing around!”

Today I was cooking up some swell food – spicy italian sausage in the oven at 400 degrees – while red onion and zucchini were sauteing in some olive oil – all getting ready to hop into a pot of whole grain egg noodles. When – in the process of putting the super-heavy cast iron frying pan back into the oven, a conflageration of miserable happened. Stuff started to slosh out of the pan – I moved to adjust my angle – the towel that I was using to hold the pan shifted and then I was holding the hell hot metal.

Ice and cold water were my friends for the next couple of hours and every time I would try to go without – yowza! -pain – pain – pain.

I considered sticking a knife onto my foot to distract the pain – but decided that was a horrible idea.

In the end – I probably learned some lesson – not really sure what it is – still too distracted by my dumb hand.

Hopefully the food will be good and make it all a little worthwhile.

Otherwise – I guess there is always the knife option. Or not. Or maybe. Or maybe not. Or ouch!

Misery is my mistress and she has a hold on my heart.

I have been giddy about the iphone since I got a first generation ipod and decided in my head that it would one day make a nifty phone. When the actual device was announced a year and a half ago – my giddiness grew exponentially. I even made a cartoon about it . . .

Being the wizard of finance that I am – I decided to hoard apple gift cards until my cell phone contract had expired. This was a move that pushed me directly into the “wait for the second generation” window.

When the 3g model was announced – which came out on my birthday no less – I knew that it had to be mine. I had waited all that time – I had the gift cards – and the whole birthday thing . . . it was a match made in retail heaven.

I couldn’t even really sleep the night before and am not in the least bit ashamed to tell you that anytime that I did fall asleep – I was greeted with dreams starring iphones in various guises. In one dream – the iphones were dancing about. They seemed very well practiced. I can’t remember a more sleepless night for the sake of buying something – or christmas morning – or whatever in my life – and am happy that I still have the capacity for such reckless dorkiness.

When I got to the mall at 6:45 am – I was amazed at how many people were there – but didn’t mind as I had a book, a blueberry scone and a chai tea latte. The day took it hard to the nose at 7:15 am when a little bird called alarmed that she had been locked in her cage. I had to leave the line – drive home – unlock the cage – walk around the world with Socks – and then get back to the line as quick as a flash of light in a tin can – which by-the-by is pretty quick.

I got back to the mall at 8:30 am and almost did an immediate about face when I saw that there were a couple of hundred more people in the line. Then – I saw the woman that was sitting behind me – and I decided that I was going to do something that I have tried to get better at not doing . . . I would have a conversation. Here is how it went.
“Excuse me miss.”
“Yes”
“Do you – by any chance remember me? I was sitting in front of you earlier.”
“No. I’m sorry I don’t.”
“We were sitting over there. You got here at about 6:55 am or so.”
“No. I don’t think that I have ever seen you . . .”
“Alright.” (and this is where I got weird) “Your daughter (who was gone at this point) was wearing green shorts, had curly hair and you had a conversation with her about how she should text you because your cell phone battery was running out . . .”
Stunned (and probably horrified) – she looked at me and said that I needed to ask the kid behind her if it was okay. The kid could care less – and I was back in my place in line with only the tiniest bit of awkwardness extended.

I got the phones one for me and one for the little bird (we are a family) and everything went pretty well. Here is where the heartbreak comes into play. I get no reception. I drop calls all over the place. If I turn the 3g part of the phone on – I get no bars. If I turn the 3g off – I get up to 3 bars that mock me – because I know that if I trust them and try to take a call – then they will just pull the rug out from under me and waggle the “No Service” sign under my nose.

I love the phone. I love how it syncs up to my computer with my calendars and photos and music. The app store is a jolly good time – and now that I have figured out the ins and outs of the battery life – that isn’t even a terrible issue. But what is the point of having a phone if it isn’t even a phone?!

I have joined forums talking about the problem – and tried the little tricks that people swear by (“toggle off airplane mode!”) and have even swapped out my sim card, restored the phone and had at&t run a diagnostic test on the little bugger. All to no avail. My next step is to go to the apple store tomorrow – switch this one out – in hopes that something will change – and go from their.

Oh pancakes (my iphones name) you are indeed a cruel lover . . .