So – big news from the news desk – here in Coffee-Can Alley – maybe big news – that is – or maybe a hoax!

The other night I was driving home and it was dark – like how it gets at night – and right in front of us (really really far in front) – there was a light – like a super-slow-motion shooting star. Only much much bigger. I got all hoppity and started dancing about seeing a spaceship – while pushing the other scary thought back into my head (missle). My passenger then started to say the term “Space junk” over and over.

The car became a back and forth between “I think we just saw a spaceship” and her saying “Nothing but space junk.” Back and forth and back and forth.

Then I found this website where someone else had seen it

Here is his little story:

Full Description of event/sighting: My fiancée and I were driving home from dinner when we were stopped at a light. She asked me what time it is and I noted that it was exactly 8:00pm. Then I looked up to the sky (as I do much of the time when I’m a passenger) and spotted it. We both saw what appeared to be a “shooting star” except that it was traveling much slower. It’s speed still far exceeded that of any jet, airplane, or man made object, but was present for 4 – 5 seconds. The strange thing was that this star-like object had light being emitted from around it’s sides and there was a darker shape in the center so it looked quite man-made. The object’s path was parabolic heading downwards and towards the east. For a minute, I honestly thought it was a missile heading towards New York City, however, a missile does not fly in a parabolic manner. Judging by the other sightings I’ve read about, UFOs seem to travel in erratic straight lines that drastically change directions. This object did not travel in such a way. The object traveled in a single direction that seemed to head down and east simultaneously.

Pretty nifty! So I guess that I can cross that off of my old bucket list – eh?! Saw a spaceship flying around the nighttime sky . . . And even if it was just some boring old space junk (I mean what is “space junk” anyway?!) – that certainly isn’t as much fun to think of as seeing a ship – so I’ll just stick with my story.

We will be back in a couple of weeks – huzzah!!

I am waiting – right now at this very second (which was only really true at that second) – to get spiffied up.

Currently – I’m a bit rough around the edges . . . People shying away from me and stuff . . . And it isn’t even my bad attitude – or smell – or nothing.

Keep your fingers crossed – I hope they don’t blow this . . .

Here is what I look like – before the action.


My toe has turned into an evil little lump at the end of my foot that points directly to a large portion of the pain in the world.

The other day – I noticed that my toe really hurt – the big toe on my right foot. I promptly got distracted by something shiny – and forgot.

The next day it was hurting again – it is possible that it never really stopped – and all of the memories of pain from the day before came rushing up to the front part of my brain.

I decided that I had endured enough misery – so I grabbed a tiny flat-head screw driver and pressed really hard. That was when goo started oozing out of my toe. Let me repeat that . . . goo started to ooze out of my toe.

How gross have I become that random ick can find its way out of a part of my body that has absolutely no business excreting any sort of anything?! Pretty darn gross.

After days of sore toe and calculated attacks with a screw driver, I gave up and started kicking an old framed canvas that I have laying around. I kicked it super-hard several times. Oddly – not only did the toe still hurt – but a slightly different pain had spread to a couple of other toes – possibly brought on by the blunt trauma of repeatedly kicking something – this – however can not be verified.

When the violent beating of the evil toe didn’t work – I sparked several random toe conversations up at work. “Hey Billy – how are those piggies holding up?!” – “Whoa Sally! Talk to me about your toes.” “Blah – blah – blah – foot fingers – blah – blah.” And I found out two things. The first is that people can get freaked out over a simple toe conversation and the second is that I have evidently been afflicted with a rare and unpleasant condition known as an ingrown toe-nail.

So – my body has turned against itself – and evidently my big toe – which used to be my absolute favorite toe out of all of my toes – is leading the charge.

What’s grosser than gross? Evidently . . . me.

Please excuse me while I screw drive and lemon juice my toe.