Taco Bell – Black Jack Taco – Review

Recently – in the mail – I received an invitation to a very special event. It was to be an exclusive black tie affair . . . A black tie taco affair that is. And as all of you may as well know – most marketing campaigns for gimmick products are usually – specifically built with the sole intention of getting my hard earned cash. Pepsi Clear? Yeah, I did that. All 500 Dorito varietals? Yep, I’ve eaten them. The Baconator at Wendy’s? I think we both know that the answer is that I definitely ate one – maybe two – and can now move on with the review.

taco_2So – where was I? Ah yes – A black taco?! How could I possibly resist? I already knew that the Volcano taco was one of the better inventions of this young century . . . So why wouldn’t it’s darker – classier taco cousin see the taste pot – and then push all of it’s (tortilla) chips into the center of the table – just to see what kind of cards I was sitting behind?

Are you with me? Am I making sense? When I first saw the commercial for the Black Jack taco – I knew that it would be mine – and then within 14 hours – it was. A quick aside. All that I got from the commercial was that I should have been dressy and that the shell of the taco was black . . . that was it. I was going in with an open mind.

So – what did I think? Well – the shell looked great. It was as black as midnight and was filled with the traditional Taco Bell fillings of ground beef (perhaps it was spicy ground beef), lettuce and cheese. But it differed in a couple of ways. The cheese was white and it also had some sort of white  sauce in it- which I guessed would be a ranch sauce. Black and white. This taco was a dichotomy. I was about to eat the Yin and the Yang of taco treats!

taco_1Then I took a bite – and my impress turned to distress. This was no ranch sauce . . . It was a pepper jack sauce and the cheese was also pepper jack. It was right there in the name – and I hadn’t given it any thought. I had just found out that I had no idea what I was eating. Then other questions started to sprout up – like why was I eating it – in a tuxedo – and where was I anyway!?

My mind had been blown – in a crummy way. The tastes were all wonky. The pepper jack sauce overpowered everything and made it taste ucky. I didn’t want a cream sauce on my processed spicy ground beef. I just didn’t. Although – I did tip my hat to the whole name thing – and it being tied in with the cheese . . . I was more of the opinion that they should have stuck with the pepper jack cheese – and if they absolutely had to have a white sauce – then drop some white queso dip on there . . . I would have bought stock in the company, filled out an application and married Socks the dog to the kings least appealing schnauzer for the betterment of the state – if that would have happened.

However – it didn’t happen. So – I got rid of the rest of my failure of a Black Jack taco and mauled the Volcano taco that I had waiting in the wings. While eating my Volcano – I patted myself on the back (after vigorously cleaning my hands – so as to not get grease on my monkey suit) – at my prescience at saving the good taco for second . . . Thereby saving what could have been a disaster of a lunch. Yay me.

Before eating . . . I did force the Volcano to lay on a crumpled wrapper of ill repute with my Black Jack taco . . . It was like good taco cop/bad taco cop. But then it got me thinking that it could be called the University of Georgia taco combo (their colors are red & black) – or the Falcon’s taco combo (their colors might also be red & black – maybe). My people (Socks) have assured me that we are talking to their to make this a reality . . . and if it happens – then . . . trucks . . . of . . . money . . . will . . . be . . . at . . . my . . . door. What?!taco_3

If you feel like the dog of this review doesn’t hunt . . . Or are just itching to find out for yourself – then you will be thrilled to know that tomorrow – Halloween – October 31st between 6 pm and midnight (which is the witching hour for tacos) – you can put on your tuxedo (or bell of the ball gown) and saunter in to your local Taco Bell and get a Black Jack taco for free. If you do partake in this I do recommend having some sort of backup plan in place . . . or – maybe – see if you can get it without the crummy sauce . . . I think that may be what I’m doing . . . Let’s start a sauce revolution!

Whaddaya say?!

Tinga – Review

Do you know what my favorite food in the world is? Do you know the type of food that keeps me up at night – in quiet desperation as to where my next encounter with it will be? Well – it is Mexican food – simple-dimple good and tasty Mexican food. And my cravings can range from a huge variety of different types of taquitos (Hello al pastor tacos at Coyote – I really really miss you.) – to burritos – to chilaquiles verdes – to salsas & guacamole &fresh made tortilla chips – all the way to mole – mole – mole . . . anything with mole.

Now I am hungry.

One of my favorite things about Montclair is the great variety of food that we have the opportunity to eat. It is kind of like Epcot’s World Showcase – but with less fireworks and less country themed mice for me to run up to – so that I can get a photo with them. There are – in fact – so many restaurants around that if I run into a bad one . . . then I have no guilt at scratching it off of the list – because there is bound to be a better plate of food right around the corner.

How was that for a set-up?

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When we first got to town – and did some exploring – Tinga (215 Bellevue Ave Montclair, NJ 07043 (973) 509-8226) really stood out because of it’s nice design, bright colors and the fact that at the time – it was the only Mexican place around. (Now there is Mexicali Rose – but that is for another day.) We went in – and I felt like it was all so well done – that they must be angling to eventually franchise the name and style out. Then the food came . . . and a bland reality malaise overtook me with a ferocious quickness. I had ordered the “Classic Chicken Burrito,” and while everything did seem fresh, there was just no flavor. I salted and hot sauced and then quizzically stared at my dish the way that Irving Brown Socks will turn his head and stare at a piece of peach before rolling around on it. I knew that there was something in front of me that I could ingest –  but I just couldn’t bring myself to take another bite. So after eating just enough to make it so that I didn’t feel like the day had been a total waste – I skulked out. I would live to fight another day.

After 8 months or so – I decided that it was time to jump back into the fray. We sat outside and it was pretty busy. I was amazed at how many people stopped the main waiter and had cheery conversations with him. People love this place! I thought. Certainly I had just come in on a rough day . . . even the best restaurant can have a down day – right?

I ordered the “Chicken Fajita in a Burrito” – because I wanted to keep it in the same family as my last meal – to see what would happen. The salsa and chips came out and immediately I was nervously staring at the ghost of lack of tastes past. The chips were fine. The salsa was fresh . . . it just had no flavor. I was hungry and was getting both fidgety and antsy. What kind of food was on it’s way out?

Well – sadly – it was evidently the kind of food that dripped while it was being carried out. Wait . . . dripped?! Was it dripping with goodness? No. It was dripping with a clear liquid that has no business near a chicken fajita burrito . . . it was waterlogged. I poked the burrito with my fork and took a bite. It was strangely watery and almost as if it was being bland for bland’s sake. As I said – I was starving – so I focused on the black beans and rice – and they were fine. They even had pickled jalapeno peppers that made me smile through my consternation at the waterrito that was on my plate.

All that I can figure – and this is a total guess – is that the chicken and the fajita fixings and then eventually the whole thing were all steamed to within an inch of their life. That would account for both the water and the lack of flavor . . . Maybe all of the water washed all of the flavor away?

I should make a quick note to let you know that my most pregnant dinner companion – who is eating for two – ordered a virgin frozen drink and an “Spinach Enchilada Platter” – I will only comment on her meal as far as to say that the drink never came and at the end of the night – her plate was still pretty full of food. Boo.

The waiter asked if we wanted the leftovers wrapped up. When I said “No thanks.”  He then noticed that I had only taken a couple of bites out of my burrito – and so – he asked if there there was anything wrong. Normally – I try not to say anything – because I feel bad that I didn’t enjoy the food – it’s like I am breaking up with the food – and I will start to babble things like “No – it is me. There is clearly something wrong with me . . .” just to try to get out of the situation as quickly as I can . . . But this time I couldn’t help it . I moved my soggy lump to show the all of the water and just said “There was just all of this water . . .”

He took the plate – and after a bit came back and asked if – because the food didn’t work out so well . . . would I like something else. By that point – though – I was done. We had been there too long and I needed to run away so that I could live to try again in another 8 months or so. And that is just the thing. I am a captive audience. I am desperate for this restaurant relationship to work out . . . Otherwise I am stuck with the adventure of rooting out authentic taquerias in Patterson (which I don’t entirely mind) or the assembly line tomfoolery that are Chipotle and the up and coming Moe’s Southwest Grill that is soon to arrive on route 3 (852 Rt. 3 West, Suite 244).

I guess that there are still the tacos and nachos that I could give a shot . . . I mean – who’s ever heard of steamed nachos . . . uhm . . . right??

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Reese's Dark Review

I can knock this review out with six quick words . . . and I will – at the very end – so – if all you want to do is read the fast and dirty . . . then go ahead and skip all of the fun build-up if you want. As for me. I have a bit of babbling to do.

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Can I tell you that I absotutely love dark chocolate? Well – I do – I do – I do. It feels like I’ve broken into my grandmother’s odd assortment of hidden chocolates – and that I’ve escaped the evil wrath that is baking chocolate. It feels like I’m a grown-up dandy – just walking along the main throroughfare with a pretty lady on one arm (you know who you are), my well trained dog walking with us – who never strays more than a couple of feet away – and this exquisite candied bar of chocolate goodness in my other hand. Life can’t get too much better. Can it?!

So – when I was checking out of big store the other day and I spied this good for the heart – full of antioxidants – and also full of the protein packed punch of glory that is peanut butter treat staring me in the face . . . how could I pass it up?! I love regular old milk chocolate Resses cups . . . and those tiny individually wrapped are even better . . . and – and – you would be hard pressed to find any better mix of chocolate and peanut butter than the assorted holiday versions (tree at Christmas, egg at Easter or pumpkin at Halloween). This was bound to be a slam dunker-oo of taste.

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And it was . . . except – the ball clanked off of the rim in a horrendous fashion. After one bite, I was left staring at the first cup – trying to figure out what was going on. I took a second bite and the answer hit me in the noggin . . . This dark chocolate was a cheap knockoff facade mockery of the normal good-for-me high-falutin dark chocolate that I had come to love . . . And the peanut butter?! The one thing that the kids at Reese’s should have had no problem with – because they probably use more peanut butter than anyone in the world . . . Well – it was made with extra portions of some sort of crazy salt.

The flavor stuck with me and my mouth felt like a dry dry desert lake on a moon covered-by-clouds darkened night. There was no hope of escaping . . . the horror.

Did I eat the whole thing? Of course. But through the entire time – as I cringed and ground my teeth in annoyance of all of the other treats that I could have picked up . . . the words that kept flip-flopping through my mind were . . . Cheapy dark and too many salts.

Energy Drink Review – Power Trip

power_trip_1I was all set to write this review . . . I had taken the photos, popped the top and then taken a few sips. Then I got distracted – and am just now – a couple of days later – coming back to it. For the record – the glass has been sitting on my desk for about three days. Waiting. . .

When I initially opened the Power Trip can, I had no idea what the universe had in store for me. I did know a couple of things. The first was that this exercise of going through all of the energy drinks that I have been lugging around was going to stretch the limits of good taste and potentially health. The other thing that I knew was that the Power Trip can was looking mighty unimpressive – all starburst, broken rock font – with the second largest graphic being a zero . . . as in zero sugar and zero carbs. Yum!

The tagline screamed at me to “Taste the Power!” So I did and let’s just say that this drink blew my mind. It was the most consistently blue drink through and through that I have ever had that didn’t taste like that distinct “blue flavor” that all of the kids love these days. It is a drink that is fit for a Smurf mostly because it was very, very blue, but also because of how palatable it is. Smurfs are well known to have very well developed palates.

One problem that I do have – but this is going to come up regularly with these sugar-free drinks is how chemical the sweetener comes across. That taste is why I can’t drink diet sodas. It is gross and I just can’t stand it at all.

Did it give me all of the “Power” that it was promising? Not entirely sure . . . been kind of sick the last couple of days – and as I said – I only had a little bit of this 16 ounce gargantuan can of goodness . . . but the taste made me hopeful for the rest of the drinks – so there is something there . . . right?!

A true indication on if I enjoyed it comes from the fact that I was only going to drink enough to get an idea of what it had to offer – but then I kept on finding myself sneaking sips – drinking more than I needed to. This was certainly .60 cents well spent!

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Stay tuned for more reviews – as I continue to clean out my fridge. Yum!

Energy Drink Review – Bonanza!

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Awhile ago – (and I mean a serious while – like two years or so – ago) – some pals loaded up my fridge with energy drinks – about fourteen of them – that they had procured at the local Big Lots.

Well – I have been lugging these things around for that entire time – just waiting for the opportunity to test them – try them – review them . . . and I think that now is finally that time.

The first review – for “Power Trip” – will be up tomorrow – and then subsequent reviews will pop up as my body allows . . . bear in mind that these drinks are years old – have gone from cold to hot several times – were bought at a liquidation emporium – and mostly mostly mostly keep in your noggin that they were all probably pretty crummy energy drinks from the get go – and cut me some time slack . . . I’m nervous that I won’t make it through this particular bonanza.

Anyway – get your popcorn – and get to your seats . . . you are about to be energized!