Natty saves some baby ducklings. It’s truly the sweetest story on the block!
The Bumperpodcast with Natty Bumpercar is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!
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Natty Bumpercar 0:04
It finally happened. There I was unsuspecting, naive, maybe even. My youngest nine year old, came down with the COVID. He got the COVID The COVID is in the house and we put him in his room. We said Your, your now, Rapunzel bumper car up here in the room. Here’s a bell. Ring it if you need to look niggling in the evening, if you need food, whatever, ring twice. It’s very hard because this child he likes he likes to hug. He’s a hugger. Every day, I love you and He gives you hugs. And we couldn’t hug him. He was just over there. It was just like Ah, just put those in like a dual hug bank and then when you’re done you can just deposit withdraw all the hugs and then and then give us all the hugs. Please. Sad child. He was fine though. Honestly. He was living his best life. He was in his up in his in his is parapet, I think is maybe where he was we live in a castle. And he was he you know, had food delivered. He had all of his beverages and we would take them up and then we would take them away. We would had multiple screens where he could watch things he could play thing. Like he was doing great. His brother couldn’t get to him to attack him. So it was really I said, How are you feeling? Are you okay? And he’s like, Dad, this is the best vacation I’ve ever had. And I was like, Oh, wow, that’s really bad. Okay. Oh, we’ve been to the beach. No, we’ve been to some mountains. No. Been to a lake. But this is we’ve been to the big city museums. But this is this is this is it. This is the pinnacle. All right. Good to know, good to know. You’re easy, it’s easy to accommodate. Now I want everyone was in their rooms. So he was in his room. My wife was in was in our room. I took the couch with the other child who has a hard time sleeping by himself and the dogs. So we really, we were the core of the house. There were a lot of us down there. And on Wednesday night, what I’ve discovered is the dogs wake up several times a night several times a night. And they Oh, I was exhausted. This was Wednesday night. I was just like, I don’t feel good. I am exhausted because they got up at like 1131 33 Like every two hours or so. Banjo gets up and he was like, I gotta go outside. I’m like, okay, sometimes I’m like no business. Sometimes I do say okay, because if you don’t, he’s he. I mean he’s licking your face. He’s put his pawn yet. Like, hey, hey, and everything and so we got to get him outside. And he runs around in circles, Giants. Would you stop with the yipping in the yapping
a natty I hate to burst into your story here but your three minutes and hey, I want to welcome everybody. Hello Radio Free Montclair. We’re actually recording this for them. So perhaps you should ask. I know normally on the show. You just kind of jump into a story and everyone’s supposed to catch up. Oh, yeah. But oh, ketchup. fries, ketchup. Right. But right now we want to welcome Hello, Radio Free Montclair.
Natty Bumpercar 3:31
You’re right and I apologize. I Radio Free Montclair. This is me Natty Bumpercar at the bumper podcast here at headquarters, and we’re recording this episode. I’ve had three weeks of COVID related shenanigans in my brain that don’t work like it used to. And I was just I wanted to relay my story.
Okay, perfect. You’re laying is starting the podcast for the radio Freeman. Claire and this one the viral and it’s good like you doing it. But you don’t have to tell us every single little thing you know, just kind of move the story forward. Go quickly and stuff.
Natty Bumpercar 4:06
Yeah, I agree. I’m sorry. So kid, got it. And then third went there Wednesday night up. Thursday, I says to positive, didn’t feel great. Call the doctor. She sent me to the urgent care. They did another test. Well, actually, first, the doctor said why are you here? And I was like, because my doctor told me to come here. I didn’t I didn’t know what to I didn’t know what to do. And that’s always weird to me when you go to a doctor’s office and like well, why are you here? And it’s not like hi, how can I help you? Why are you here? It’s why are you here? You’re like, I don’t know. And so they put me on this Madsen deal stuff had crazy dreams like crazy dreams.
Rufus T. Rufus 4:44
Sorry. This is me. Rufus to Rufus and I was brought over here by Allah wishes to let you know we cannot discuss the dreams the dreams are dreams and that crazy but they could still implicate some things if you understand what I’m saying. If you get My poor Alright, yeah, fine. Let’s just move along with your story.
Natty Bumpercar 5:04
So fine. So the story is I stayed downstairs sleeping with no, I was upstairs for a while for a few days. And then because they put the they like put me in the door and they put tape tape on it to keep the sickness in or something. And after four days or so I ended up on the couch again with a kid and the dog. Why? Well, because the kid tested positive as well. And so now the wife is has sequestered herself up in her tiny little room and the other child was fine at that point go back to school, which is great. But the other child who had tested positive was now home going crazy because the children when they got it, they seem fine. It was you know, you hear stories of people are like God COVID It’s nothing. It’s just a cold and you’re like, No, it hits people in different ways. Did different there’s so many variables if you’re a kid, if you have red hair, if you get it on a Tuesday, I’ve heard it’s especially rough. If you eat Limburger cheese and just lingam or OWL other kinds of cheeses are fine, but if you eat that while you have it Oh, you’re a big trouble. So sorry shout out to the lingo burger Cheese Company. Didn’t mean to call you out. Is that really Lincoln? Burger? Not doesn’t feel kind of cheese. So it feels like a made up cheese Linnaean burger.
That’s not right as Lynn burger lamb burger. It’s a smelly cheese and a lot of times they use in jokes, like an old cartoons and stuff. Limburger cheese, not Lincoln burger. You’re thinking of Lincoln berries. And then you’re putting that into cheese, which I don’t I mean, it could be possibly Yeah, just but I don’t know. Also, not particularly germane to the story, right?
Natty Bumpercar 6:47
Who’s German? I’m kidding. Who’s Jemaine? That’s a joke. So while I was in bed, just crazy fevers, crazy fever, dreams, aches. I developed vertigo, which is where the world feels like it’s spinning around and but for me, they were like it they there was very specific language. They were like that have they have to unlock like, it’s like an a video game. If you go up to the guy and you say, I’d like to scroll, please. And he’s like, there is no scroll and you’re like, ah, I’d like to scroll of Lindenberger. And he’s like, Well, of course he has this scroll of thinking bug that’s how it is with doctors where if you don’t say the exact words and they’re like well this this doesn’t sound like it checks the boxes sorry champ. And so I was trying to describe it I was like, oh I can come up with was my brain feels like
wow, wow, wow. Wow. Where it’s going in
all different directions and my body feels like it’s going into different directions. They’re like so the room is spinning. And I was like no, it’s more than that. So much more my brain my body has taken dizziness to the to the to the 2020 twos and really has made it so much more than just oh the room is spinning like the room is spinning. That sounds like fun. Now what I was going through was wow what Wow. And it’s just something that we should be copywriting while we’re while we’re while because it’s fit feels like it has legs like something that we could definitely market and brand and get out there. Oh, this isn’t just grandpa’s dizziness. This is now well Wow. Wow. Wow. No. Yeah, I understand. It’s it’s certainly an idea. I love I you know, I love ideas. I love imagination, let people come up with things. But I think probably branding, a new version of dizziness isn’t really what we’re going to be doing. We’re not going to focus on that right now. If that’s okay, Oh, speaking of focusing on things. While I was sick, I managed to I wrote a short story. Friend of mine edited it, edited, edited it in it. It’s just under 1000 words, and I submitted it and it got rejected. And that’s great. That’s fine. It’s very exciting to me. I’ve never, I’ve had all these words in my brain. And sometimes I just have a really hard time getting them on to document and then actually having a friend to edit stuff is I need to I don’t know what you do with people who edit your things. I guess I’m gonna lock her in some sort of the barn here and I’ll bring her bas because people everyone knows people who edit. They love getting A’s. Anyway, and so I submitted that and then I also I made an online store for the CGA thing that I that I do Cedar Grove artists Alliance, and I made all the shirts I think I made like six different shirt variations designs and and and so that exists and I had to go through all the whole process when I when I first was doing web stuff a million years ago, setting up a store was like I’m at a store now it’s like really like there’s a lot But it’s like do you have your this thing? Do you have that thing? We can connect to this? Would you like for us to do this? And it’s all just like, oh, everything was like a huge learning process. But it exists and I actually forgot to have to launch it. Today. I was supposed to do it Monday. But then guess what? This week COVID came back COVID came back.
I guess so glad you didn’t. I thought you’re gonna do like a song like, the COVID came back and you really don’t feel good. Or something like, Hey, write the cover EVs back. Hey, the coffee. These are the coffee. These are your
Natty Bumpercar 10:36
coffee. These are okay. There. I love that producer was so excited to jump in with the AI is that his microphone wasn’t even on and then he kind of clicked in in the middle of it. That was very exciting. Good job. So yeah, I, it was a couple days ago. And listen, I’ve been talking to virtual doctors and I made a virtual Doctor wince. At one point. He was like, ah, when I told her what had been going on, and I said it you just wins. Because you don’t want to see people you don’t want to see wins. You don’t want to see pilots wins. You don’t want to see doctors wins. And you don’t want to see Carson wins. Hell, it’s a football joke. I don’t know who he is, but I know that name. And it just popped into my head anyway. So basically, I ended up in the emergency room for the stuff I still have. They gave me fluids, they gave me medicine. They gave me something called an anti vert vertigo, and everything checks out. I had an EKG and they said that I sound great, which makes me happy. And when they tried to give me the anti vert I said Ooh, wouldn’t be funny if it was an anti Bert. And then they were like what and I was like Hooper. And they were like No, no.
Yeah, doctors aren’t typically known for their senses of humor.
They find your funny. Hey, oh,
Natty Bumpercar 11:55
let’s wrap it up with a funny bone joke.
The bumper podcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp with Natty Bumpercar and some of his pals. It is family friendly, clean and ridiculous. Thanks a bundle for listening. If you love our show, and you’d like to help support the podcast, check out our Patreon page at https colon forward slash forward slash www.patreon.com forward slash Natty Bumpercar also pretty please subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, share it with everyone everywhere. post about it on all of the social medias or leave a rating and review. The bumper podcast is produced at headquarters in coffee can alley it’s recorded mixed and produced by producer. The bumper podcast features contributions from Aloysius jpg Rufus T Rufus doodle poodle, robot trunks and a gaggle of other silly rascals. Our head talker is probably Natty Bumpercar. We also have an absurd newsletter. Check it out and subscribe at Natty bumpercar.com/subscribe Also, you can follow me on Instagram and Twitter at Natty Bumpercar Hugs and hearts See you soon.
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Transcribed by https://otter.ai
Every week, Natty Bumpercar presents a few ounces of ridiculousness with a dash or two of stupefaction. It's totes banoo!