Author: natty bumpercar

Bumperpodcast #354 – Sleepy

Everyone is so amazingly tired in this episode. Luckily, Producer is here to help things along!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this exhausted episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar and the entire crew are completely worn out from taking care of Popcorn, their new 14-week-old puppy. Producer attempts to host the show while everyone keeps falling asleep, including Rufus T. Rufus, Aloysious J. Pig, and Doodle Poodle. The episode features a hilarious succession of characters trying and failing to stay awake as they discuss the challenges of puppy ownership, from middle-of-the-night wake-ups to accidents and teething destruction. Natty ends with helpful advice about considering older shelter dogs for adoption, since puppies like Popcorn wake up as early as 4:45 AM and eat everything in sight.

Memorable Quotes

“Did you know that if you get a puppy, you don't sleep anymore? Popcorn the puppy is awesome, but she does not sleep.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I require between fourteen to sixteen hours of uninterrupted sleep per day as well as three to four naps. Not a minute over not a minute under.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“The latest she's woken up is 5.19. That's too early! I'm not a farmer. I'm a sleeper.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #puppies #pets #sleepdeprivation #dogadoption #animalrescue #exhaustion #puppytraining

Featuring: Producer, Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle, Rufus T. Rufus

Full Transcript

Producer: So I think that everybody is asleep right now. It's me, Producer, and I'm here to do a podcast. It's going to be a very froggy podcast because everybody's very tired and you'll see because it's the puppy dog. The puppy dog is not asleep and so everybody's super super super tired. Me, I'm a frog and so I'm used to sleeping in awkward positions and situations and so I'm very fine. I'm very springy. I'm very wide awake. Oh, hello. You all are wet. I'm so tired. I can't believe I'm tired.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, Hi Pupper Podcast. Oh man. Have you ever thought about getting a puppy? Did you know that if you get a puppy, you don't sleep anymore? You're, I, man. Popcorn the puppy is awesome, but she does not sleep. She, she, we put her in her little crate at night and then she wakes, she, in the middle of the night, she, yep, yep, you know, and then she,

Producer: um, nothing. Natty, you okay? You need to take over. Okay, you seem very groggy right now. I think probably best idea you don't do the podcast because, you know, go to sleep. Go to sleep. Go to sleep. Natty. Natty. Natty.

Aloysious J. Pig: Natty. Pat Pat Pat. Oh, oh, está bien. Hi, it's, me, sleepy Aloysius J. Pat. Well, I don't know whose idea it was to bring a baby puppy into headquarters here. But, I require my beauty sleep, all right? I require between fourteen to sixteen hours of uninterrupted sleep. sleep per day as well as three to four naps they can be 20 minute naps or they can be 45 minute naps not a minute over not a minute under I don't get my sleep I get very very grumpy what's what's bumper got doing on the floor anyway

Producer: I believe that he is doing a little bit of snoring I'll turn his microphone off because we are trying to do a podcast right now so I don't want to bother the people okay you guys are both very tired I am not tired I am not tired no I'm not not tired okay you're tired

Aloysious J. Pig: okay

Unknown: yeah you know because I I just I'm not okay you're okay

Producer: oh no you're snoring as well I'm gonna have to turn your microphone off go to sleep okay the pig is asleep the bumper car is asleep it seems like every oh no

Doodle Poodle: this baby dog is running me wild I'm the most

Producer: tired puppy on the whole planet um yes everyone's very sleepy and the puppy probably really likes you because you're so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired I'm so tired you're a dog as well and so you um but you're so very tired maybe do you remember when you were a puppy and you would run around and you would probably bite everything and I don't know pee on the couch and you know the funny thing that puppies do lose toys eat a shoe um you know all these things did you do it else

Doodle Poodle: I don't think I really did any of that stuff I was pretty cool I don't think I really did any of that stuff I was pretty cool and calm puppy and I aaaaaaaaah I'm just really tired and stuff I don't even think I have the energy in me to doodle hmmmm I think I'm just gonna take a little nap and go to sleep if you don't mind alright

Producer: alright even you are going to sleep too tired to doodle I don't even know what's happening. Everybody's going to sleep. It's just me now. No one else could possibly show up. I mean, who else even is in the house, you know, who could potentially show up? There's nobody. Just my show. Here we go. Oh, you, huh?

Rufus T. Rufus: Yes, but it's our Rufus. T-Rufus. And listen, this is, as a lawyer, I gotta say, it's just incorrigible, unconceptible that you, uh, oh, man, that dog that is in the house, what's his name, Popcorn, is making me very tired, and these are not acceptable working conditions, you understand? These are not working conditions that I can work around, that I can work within, that I can be with all, that I can be with, you understand? It's just too much. I can't even practice law right now. I can't do, I can't even crack open a law book and legislate or regulate or, you know, indoctrinate. I can't do none of it. I'm just too tired. And, uh, you know what? Everybody seems, look, there's Natty over there. There's Aloysius all curled up, Big Spoon, Little Spoon. Who's that? Doodle Poodle. Now, if he's tired, you understand, everybody's gotta be super tired. I, huh, I'm gonna take myself a little nap-a-doodle as well, you understand?

Producer: Okay, so, you gonna sleep? Oh, you're coughing? Yep. You do that? Okay. Okay. I'm gonna turn, definitely gonna turn your microphone off. Okay, you're, okay, you're off. Okay. Now, we have the Doodle Poodle, Rufus the Rufus, the, uh, the, uh, Aloysius the Jet Pig, uh, Natty Bumper Cars over there, tired. You know, I'm not gonna lie, all these people sleeping and snoring over there, they're gonna be, meh, meh, meh, tired as well. Ugh, I just wanted to do a podcast, but it's very taxing. It's very taxing, it's very exhausting, and I just, oh, I'm tired as well. Ugh. You know, I think I'm, I'm not going to sleep, because I want to finish the podcast, but I just want to close my eyes for just a second and close my eyes and close… Ugh.

Natty Bumpercar: Ugh. Ugh. Hey, hey, hey, whoa, look at, would you look at this? Everybody's in the studio, and everybody's asleep. There's Producer, and there's, there's Rufus, Aloysius, Doodle Poodle, everybody. Man, I, I think I must have fallen asleep for a couple of minutes, too. Hey, everybody, it's me, Natty Bumper Car. Welcome to the Bumper Podcast. Um, I don't know what happened this podcast, because I was sleeping most of it, but I do know… I do know that having a puppy is wonderful, but it's also a lot of work. So, if you're ever going to rescue a dog, maybe consider rescuing an older dog. Um, not only because they need your love, I mean, puppies need your love, too, let's be honest, but sometimes older dogs in, uh, shelters, they get left behind because people are like, I want a new dog. Well, that old dog is probably going to sleep through the night. It's probably not going to eat everything in sight. I'm talking power cords, shoes, toys, blankets, uh, couches, chairs, cushions, stuffed animals, like flip-flops, everything, sunglasses, uh, there was a knife handle that was eaten, like everything gets eaten, which is fine, because she's teething. She's a baby. But then also, there's a lot of accidents that happen in the house, because she's not potty-trained, and we're trying to potty-train her, but it's tough, so we have little, little puddles everywhere and other stuff, too, and, you know, that's a lot to deal with, and then on top of that, she, she has a hard time sleeping through the night. She's getting better, so she's only 14 weeks old, so we're, uh, we're counting, we're counting our eggs before they're hatched? No, we're counting on her getting better and better, and we're training her to do right and to be a good dog. She's going to be a good puppy, and, uh, I love her tremendously. Popcorn's a great dog, but, uh, I mean, as you can see by everybody around here, we are broken. Tired, tired, broken. She wakes up 4.45 some mornings. The latest she's woken up is 5.19. That's too early! I'm not a farmer. I'm a sleeper. Y'all, Mumper Podcast!

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June 28, 2019
Bumperpodcast #353 – Monster

Emerson is on the Bumperpodcast today, and there is also a monster. They have a regular hoot!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig attempts to host a show called "Monster Interview Monster" but gets confused when his guest, a young human named Emerson, insists he's not a monster. The interview quickly derails as they debate who is and isn't a monster, with Aloysious struggling to understand the difference. Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle, and Rufus T. Rufus each drop by to interact with Emerson, who has been mysteriously left alone in the studio. Meanwhile, a mysterious blue monster with peach horns and a fish tail keeps appearing and disappearing. The episode features the reveal of the studio dog's name (Popcorn) and ends with Rufus T. Rufus attempting to recruit Emerson in a scheme to take over the podcast.

Memorable Quotes

“you don't have fur like a monster you don't have a tail like a monster you don't have horns let me see your teeth no you don't have sharp pointy teeth like a monster are you sure you're a human”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I'm saying, son, piles of money. This whole podcast could become your podcast. All of this, one day, can and will be yours.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I went to the pig hospital 22 times, which was rough because my insurance only covered the first 20 visits.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #monsters #interviews #confusion #identity #childhood #imagination #studiochaos #legalschemes

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: um hello my name is monster and today i'm going to interview a monster so hi what is your name little monster i'm not a monster my name's emerson but i'm a monster and i supposed to do an interview show called monster interview monster are you a monster no what are you exactly a human a human let's see you no you don't have fur like a monster you don't have a tail like a monster you don't have horns let me see your teeth no you don't have sharp pointy teeth like a are you sure you're on are you so you're you're not a monster i'm not a monster am i a monster

Unknown: yes why am i a monster because you have horns a tail oh yeah well i've got a ton of fur it

Aloysious J. Pig: writes from my my my father monster side of the family so i thought of her okay are you um are you blue no you're not blue are you red no huh you're just kind of like kid you look like a kid basically to me i'm white okay well you're kind of peachy you're not really i mean white is you know the color i'd say you're more like silver have you ever seen yourself in the sun i'd say you're more bronze oh i don't go out i don't tan i don't

Unknown: tan well other people will tan i don't i don't tan okay i do go to the pool have you ever been to the

Aloysious J. Pig: pool yes you know they kick me out of the pool you know why because you're a monster good because i'm

Unknown: a monster yes it's also because i'm so furry and then you're gonna spread infections in your fur

Aloysious J. Pig: i'm not sick or nothing i'm just a monster okay what about your drools i thought it's true a little bit i don't you you drool no Nine. I heard you say that. I'm sorry. I got very confused. So wait, what does a nine-year-old do with their time to play and stuff? Their imagination. Is it their imagination? Yeah. So, okay, can we pretend imagination now? No. You don't want to play, right? So I was going to say this. I'm imagining that I'm a boat and I'm sailing to a place called Volcano and there's a carrot and I need someone to help me. Will you help me? What? So there's a poodle and he's eating a bagel and… Okay. Okay. And then we have to arrest the princess. Where's Natty Bumpercar? I don't know. He just… I'm on the schedule today for the monster… I'm going to kick you out. Please don't kick Kick me out. Kick. Ow! Okay. Nice talking to you. Okay. Hey Em, what are you doing here?

Natty Bumpercar: Nothing. Are you doing a podcast? Yeah. Were you talking to yourself or? I was talking to this monster. What monster? Did you get his name? No. That happens too often. People come in here and they just start doing podcasts and they don't even sign up properly. How am I supposed to… I can't even charge him if I don't know who it is.

Unknown: So if we can't charge him, we can't make money. Okay. I think his name was… I don't know. You don't know? Okay. Do you know what he looked like? He was blue. Okay. He had horns. Okay. Like peach horns. Peach horns? Yeah. Okay. And he had a tail that looked like a fish. A fish tail? Yeah. Ew. Okay. His eyes were bigger than… Like saucers? Yeah. Like you

Natty Bumpercar: saw a saucer? Like a plate? Like a little plate? Yeah. Okay. I think I'm getting a pretty good description. So he was blue. He had horns that were peach colored. He had a tail that looked like a fish. And eyes as big as saucers. Okay. I'm going to track this monster down. And… He's outside. He's outside. Did he just go out? What did he do? He left you in the middle of an interview? Yeah. Did he just walk out by himself? Yeah. Weird. I would never do that. I would never just… Oh wait. Hold on. What's… Oh, I got to go take care of something. Can you keep talking for a few minutes? Yeah.

Aloysious J. Pig: Hey, bud. What's going on? Good. What is… I was looking for Natty. He's supposed to give me a paycheck today. I think he's with Popcorn. It's Paycheck Friday. He's with Popcorn? Yeah. The dog. Oh, we gave away the dog's name. That's right. Last week we were telling everybody that we got a dog. And now we said to find out the name, go watch this video, which we didn't link to the video. So no one's going to find it. But we're going to find it. We're going to find it. We're going to find it. We're going to find it. We're going to find it. But, so Popcorn… We have a dog named Popcorn here at Headquarters. Oh, also, hey everyone, it's me, Aloysius J. Pig. What? That's my name. You didn't know that? No, I didn't know that. Have we ever met before? No. I'm pretty sure we've met before. You're

Unknown: the one that always used to beat me up, right? That was five years ago. Yeah, bro. I remember,

Aloysious J. Pig: okay. I still remember these things. You do? Yes. You beat me up several times. Like every time you saw me, it ended up in a brawl and you're punching me and you're scratching and fighting. You're a little bruiser. I know.

Unknown: And then you had to go to the hospital 20 times.

Aloysious J. Pig: I went to the pig hospital.

Unknown: 22 times.

Aloysious J. Pig: 22 times, which was rough because my insurance only covered the first 20 visits.

Unknown: And then the other time when we have another kid.

Aloysious J. Pig: Who's the other kid? Oliver. Never met

Unknown: him. Yes, you have.

Aloysious J. Pig: What does he look like? Oh, wait. I did meet Oliver. He's the one with a blue fur. He's got peach horns. He's got a fish tail. That's not him? Who's that then?

Unknown: He's my brother.

Aloysious J. Pig: The monster is your brother?

Unknown: No, Oliver is my brother. That's not his name. The monster's name is Oliver.

Aloysious J. Pig: Wait a minute. So, hold on a second. How many people are we talking about here? We're talking about one brother named

Unknown: Oliver. Oliver.

Aloysious J. Pig: And we're talking about some monster. Whose name we don't know?

Unknown: Yeah, we don't know his name.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. This is very strange. Weird things happen around here, I feel. Yep. Oh, speaking of weird things, I just realized I have an appointment, so I gotta go. Okay? Can you keep talking? Yes. Alright. I'll see you later, kid. Good to see you. Please, thanks for not beating me up. I appreciate it. Ow! It's a hit.

Doodle Poodle: Ah! Beautiful! It's a little fire here. Uh, hello? Who's this? Emerson. Toodle poodle. I heard that we got another dog in the house. You're a dog. I'm Noah. I'm a dog. That's why I was Where's the banana? I haven't drawn a banana in a long time. It's been like 20 years. It's been like 20 years since I drew a banana. It's been like 20 years since I drew. Oh. So what year was that? I don't remember.

Unknown: Huh?

Doodle Poodle: But like… Yeah. 1320 and I thought human was gricked just like, I just wish I would 've been one. What is it? What is it? I want a banana dog. Is that something in your memory? I thought I saw something in your memory. But it's a very famous cartoon. um. All. All. Yeah. Catch them all? Gotta, it makes more sense when you say that. Okay. Okay. Hey, it was good to see you, buddy. You too. I wanna go now? Okay. Okay. Where are you gonna go? That's a great question. I'm gonna go make some drawings. Okay. I like to doodle. Oh, no. What can I draw? What should I draw? A turtle. I'm gonna go draw a turtle. I'm gonna go draw a turtle. I'm gonna go draw a turtle. I'm gonna go draw turtle. It's gonna be a very slow drawing. Okay. Okay. Bye-bye.

Aloysious J. Pig: Uh, now, excuse me, son. This is Rufus G. Rufus. Uh, now, what exactly are you doing in here by yourself? That is against the law. Or is it? Because everybody left me. There was a monster. My dad. Dude. Um. Aloysius was here. He owes me money. And who else? The little dog man. Uh-huh. Now, listen, uh, you, I just want you to know, when I say it is against the law, it is not against the law for you, but they are liable for leaving you in here by yourself, a minor, a youngster. So, what I am saying is, if you need representation, if you need a lawyer to sue them, this… I'm not gonna sue them. I'm saying, son, piles of money. This whole podcast could become your podcast. All of this, one day, you're one day, can and will be yours. Okay. You're gonna take it? Yes. Let's pink it, promise, pink it, swear. Okay. Rufus T. Rufus and Emerson are finally gonna take this thing down. We're gonna take it over. I will go work on the paperwork, okay? Okay. All right. Hey, kid,

Unknown: I came back. The monster. Oh, my God. Why'd you come back and left me and then… I'm gonna kick you out again.

Aloysious J. Pig: No!

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June 14, 2019
Bumperpodcast #352 – Whispering

There is a LOT of whispering on today’s episode of the Bumperpodcast – and, why is that? Well – you’ll have to listen to find out. It’s quite the story!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In episode #352 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar explains why everyone needs to be quiet at headquarters – there's a new puppy! Natty recounts the emotional story of how the Bumpercar family spontaneously adopted a beagle-black lab mix puppy after an eventful Saturday that included buying a basketball goal, renting a truck, and visiting a pet store. The episode details the heartwarming moment when young Oliver broke down crying at the thought of not getting the puppy, leading to family interviews and the ultimate decision to bring her home. Natty hilariously compares puppy ownership to having a newborn baby, complete with sleepless nights, bathroom accidents, and the puppy trying to eat everything in sight – including Natty's nose.

Memorable Quotes

“If she keeps growing every ten days, doubling up on her puppyhood, then I would say we maybe have eight months until she's as big as the house.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“The mommy dog stuck her nose onto the cage. And baby puppy stuck her nose onto her mommy's nose. And she let out a whimper. It was the saddest, cutest, saddest, saddest thing I've ever seen.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“She goes to the bathroom in the house constantly. Human babies did that, too. But they had diapers. She doesn't.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #puppies #petadoption #family #parenting #sleepdeprivation #dogs #petstore

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: Everybody has to be super duper quiet on the bumper podcast today. Hi everybody, it's me, Maddie Bumpercar, and I'm sure you're wondering, why are we having to be so quiet? Are we playing a game of hide and seek? No. Did we just put a cake in the oven and we don't want to scare it and have it fall? No. I wish we would have done that, now that I think about it. I would love to have some cake right now. Does anybody have any cake out there? No? Alright. Alright. Well, listen. Here's the reason why we have to be super duper quiet right now. There's a new baby at headquarters. There's a new baby! Okay, it's not really a baby, if I'm to be completely honest. But it's very small. And it's kind of like a baby. It's a puppy! We got a new puppy! I'm so excited. I can't even tell you. I don't think she can hear me. But maybe she can. She's got really good ears. She's a beagle, black lab, and we got her when she was eight weeks old. She was so tiny, and we've already had her for ten days, and she's already doubled in size. What that means is where there was one puppy. There are now two. And if she keeps growing every ten days, doubling up on her puppyhood, then I would say we maybe have eight months until she's as big as the house. So, I'm kind of hoping that doesn't happen. She was the runt of her litter, which means she was the smallest one. I'll tell you the whole story, okay? So, we had a big Saturday. I had purchased a basketball goal. It was already put together. But there was no way for me to get it home. My original plan was to walk the basketball goal the one and a half miles back to my house. But everyone said that's the worst idea ever. And I wasn't allowed to do it, which is fine, because it probably would have been the end of me. So, I said, okay, I'll come back tomorrow with a truck. I don't have a truck. But I went to the tool store, and I got a truck, and I loaded it up with all kinds of topsoil and peat moss and cow manure and raised bed soil. And I got a truck. And I loaded it up with all kinds of topsoil and peat moss and cow manure and raised bed soil. And two raised beds and all kinds of stuff. I loaded the whole truck up, and then I drove to the basketball goal. And the man who had sold it to me said, hey, I hurt my back. I can't help you put this in there. So then I had to lift the entire basketball goal all by myself into the truck. So what's going on, muscle bumper car? And then I drove it home, and I unloaded the truck. And I picked the basketball goal. And I put it over our fence, and I set it up. And then I cleaned the truck out, and I said, okay, bumper family, we're all getting into this truck, and we're taking a trip. And the kids got very excited, because they'd never ridden in a truck before. This was a huge day. We got a basketball goal. We're riding in a truck. And then after that, we went and got Mexican food. And they love Mexican food. They eat guacamole more than anyone I've ever seen. I love guacamole. They're probably, if they did a DNA test, they would come back at least 28% avocado. So we went, and they were just having the best day. And then we went to a little store that they didn't really want to go to. And then Ollie said, hey, let's go to the pet store and look at dogs. And I said, okay, because that's something we do. We treat the pet store like the free zoo, where we go. And we look at all the fish, and the iguanas, and the chinchillas, and the birds. And they were having cat adoption day. So there was a whole section of kitty cats. And we went, and we talked to the kitty cats. And there was one named Bowman, who was super cute, and who I wanted a lot. But Ollie's very allergic to cats. But he likes cats. So he was touching them, and touching them, and then touching his eyes. And then his eyes got all big and puffy. So then we had to go wash his face and his hands. Fine. And then we turned the corner, and there were more kitty cats to adopt. And so we looked at them for a second. And then way down at the end of the hall, there was a little cage. And in that cage was a little puppy, a little black puppy. And so we went all the way over to it, and she was so adorably cute. So we sat down, and we're talking to her, and we're playing with her. And this man was talking about her. And you know, there were two pregnant moms. Mom dogs that we found. And these are the puppies of one of the moms. Her two brothers got adopted already today. And oh, hey, look. Here comes mom. And so this family comes out with this mommy dog. And the mommy dog, it was the saddest thing I've ever seen. It was so nice that she was being adopted. But as they were leaving, the family said, oh, we should let you say goodbye to your baby. And so the mommy went over to the cage. And stuck her nose onto the cage. And baby puppy stuck her nose onto her mommy's nose. And she let out a whimper. She went like that. It was the saddest, cutest, saddest, saddest thing I've ever seen. At that point, I was like, oh, no. We might be in trouble now. So then I said, well, hey, can we walk around with this puppy? Can we play with it a little bit? Just to kind of see, you know? And they were like, yeah, you just got to fill out this paperwork. And I was like, OK. And they were like, even if you don't get it, you know, it's in our records. So you're good to go if you ever want to adopt. And I was like, OK. That works. And so I fill everything out. You have to put down phone numbers of friends who will say nice things about you. I didn't think anything of it. So but we were in the corner playing. And I even told them, hey, we just want to play with the puppy. Not sure if we're getting the puppy. Just looking. Just looking at the puppy. And then we were in the corner. And we're playing with a puppy. And someone came over. And they said, hey, your references. The phone numbers. The phone numbers that you put down. The people aren't answering. And I was like, oh, I didn't know you were actually calling them. I thought that we were just kind of looking. But here, I'll text everyone and just let them know what's going on. OK, thanks, she said. Now Ollie heard me say, we're just looking at the puppy. And we might not get it. And he got sadder than I've ever seen him get in my life. He went over into a corner. And he had his knees towards the corner, all tucked up. And his arms were over his knees. And his head was on his arms. And he started crying so hard that he was doing little hyperventilation. So little, like that. Very, very, very sad. So I went and talked to him. And I said, what's the matter, buddy? And he said, you said we were getting the puppy. And now we're not getting the puppy. And I want the puppy. And just, oh, it was heartbreaking. So I said to my wife, we might be getting a dog. Today, you know? And so then we had a little conversation about it. And then what we did is we each took one of the kids. I took Oliver. She took Emerson. And we interviewed them. And I said, what are you most excited about with this puppy? And, you know, I got his answers. And he was excited just to have the puppy because it would be fun. And it would be sweet. And it would be cute. And he was worried that it would make messes, basically. And then I switched. And I took Emerson. And she took Oliver. And Emerson was also, he was worried that the puppy might bite people and that it might make messes in the house. And he was just excited because he really liked the puppy, basically. So then we all got together as a family. And we compared notes. And we kind of just decided. We had been at the pet store for over an hour, like an hour and a half, making this decision. And we went back over. And we said, we'll take the puppy. And so now we have a puppy. And here's what they didn't tell me, which I didn't know because I don't think I've ever had a puppy. Maybe. Maybe I have. I don't remember. But they don't sleep. She doesn't. It's like having a newborn baby in the house. That's why I stopped whispering. And now I'm talking because I realized she doesn't let me sleep. Maybe I shouldn't let her sleep, right? She goes to bed at around 8.30. And then wakes up at around 11, which is when I tend to go to bed. So I take her out. And then 11. Then like 1, then like 3. And then she's finally up at 5, 5.30. This is for the last 9, 10 days that I've been doing this. And I have never been, well, I was going to say never been more tired. But I waited. I've actually had human babies. And they do very similar things. She's also, she goes to the bathroom in the house constantly. Human babies did that, too. But they had diapers. She doesn't. The other thing she does, she eats everything, cords, papers. She gets into it all. And she even tried to eat me. That's right. She tried to eat my sweet little nose. And what's her name? Oh, we made a video about that. You should watch it. Or I guess I could just tell you, right? Her name is…

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June 6, 2019
Bumperpodcast #351 – Owly

Our house has turned into a zoo! There are so many animals around that I have to call upon help to tell you all about them. One guest gets a bit out of control. That guest

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar attempts to record with some very unconventional guests – including Owly the Owl, Brownie the Rabbit, and special appearance by Emerson. What starts as a discussion about crazy happenings at Natty's house quickly devolves into delightful mayhem as the animals peck at microphones, chase snowballs, and interrupt constantly. Between the interruptions, Natty manages to share stories about the amazing wildlife visiting their backyard, including a baby deer with its mother, a three-foot garden snake dubbed "Snacky Snake," groundhogs, chipmunks, squirrels, and a protective mama robin guarding her nest of blue eggs. It's a hilariously out-of-control episode that proves why people say "never work with kids or animals."

Memorable Quotes

“Don't work with kids or animals, they told me. Look at what I do. Kids and animals all day.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Can the snake's name be Snacky? Snacky Snake? Yeah. Oh, buddy, I'm Snacky Snake.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I eat squirrels and bird seed… We should open a restaurant up called uh snb squirrels and birdseed.”
— Owly

Topics: #animals #nature #wildlife #backyard #chaos #spring #family

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: oh well well well hello there bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and i have been gone for a little while because there's been crazy stuff happening here no not a lazy river like the last episode would make you think but extra super duper crazy stuff but i don't feel like i could tell you all about it myself i need somebody to help me tell you about it um oh hi owl how are you good you're good it's so sweet to see you are you enjoying the spring weather yes oh that's so nice what have you been doing all day sleeping you've been sleeping all day wait do you sleep during the day isn't that when people

Unknown: get stuff done yes but i kind of wake up when it's 10 o'clock at 10 o'clock in the morning or

Natty Bumpercar: 10 o'clock at night um

Unknown: um um

Natty Bumpercar: eight o'clock eight eight o'clock all right all right so you are awake during the day see i had always heard and you can tell me if i'm wrong because you would know that owls are nocturnal is that true but i am not nocturnal you're on not you're de-nocturnal yeah you're oh oh un-nocturnal well so do you sleep at night then yes oh that's cool um where do you sleep you sleep with who who's oliver i'm oliver dad oh oh you're oliver yeah and who's the uh who's the owl his name is owie owly the owl he's a very sweet little owl i wasn't expecting him to be here today are you pecking at the microphone owie yes that's not appropriate at all this is very expensive equipment this is going to come out of your money owlie go get your wallet i don't have any you don't you don't have a wallet well then you're in big trouble you know what i am not taking bird seed to pay for this stuff hey what what owls eat anyway i eat bird seeds oh you do eat bird seed okay well it's good that what was it two weeks ago or last week we we put the bird feeders out and we started putting a lot of stop eating the cord that's gonna wreck the whole pot you are not good guest owlie oh my goodness what are you looking at what are you doing over there you stop looking over there that's not your stuff oh my goodness you're worse than the kids are anyway owlie i'm so glad that you're here because it's a good um way for us to talk about some other crazy things that have been happening around our house for instance have we had some guests at the house recently yes like in the backyard yes who did we see in the backyard uh a baby deer

Unknown: with his mom and the groundhog oh he saw a groundhog today i only i only saw a squirrel

Natty Bumpercar: oh you didn't see you didn't what did you see a squirrel oh you saw a squirrel i wanted to get out and eat you wanted to eat the squirrel owlie relax slow your roll buddy i eat squirrels and bird seed squirrels and bird seed all day we should open a restaurant up called uh snb squirrels and birdseed and then when people walk in we'll be like welcome to squirrels and birdseed come um so we had a baby deer and it was maybe like two days old it was a brand new baby deer and uh remember it was laying down in the grass and it couldn't even stand up where are you going you stay over here you don't have to fly away for owlie um and but then we were worried but then its mommy showed up and what did his mommy do um take care yeah she took care of that little baby it was the sweetest thing i've ever seen oh owlie would you stop it focus on the microphone we're only here for a few minutes um and then oh what did we see what was it three days after the baby deer it was long it was skinny it was terrifying remember mommy saw it in the back by the wall oh and then emerson's oh hey emerson's here too emmer well actually what did we see in the backyard a garden snake so i looked it up and i didn't know if it was a garter snake or a garden snake

Unknown: garden snake

Natty Bumpercar: listen evidently there's the same there's the same ones there's a gartner g-a-t-n-e-r gart gardener garter i don't know and a garden snake gardener snake i don't know i don't know what kind of snake it was But it was long, and it was brown, and it had little yellow stripes. And I'm originally from Georgia. Don't you turn that off, Allie. I need that on. We have dirty, dirty clothes. Don't work with kids or animals, they told me. Look at what I do. Kids and animals all day. Would you stop pecking? That's Mommy's sweater. Allie, you're not a moth. Good gravy. So we had, Emerson, come talk about the snake, because I feel like you can talk about that.

Unknown: The snake was skinny and long.

Natty Bumpercar: But how big was it, do you think?

Unknown: It was, like, probably three feet.

Natty Bumpercar: You think it was that big? Yeah. What are you? Oh, hi, bunny rabbit. Let's not stand on the computer.

Unknown: My name is Brownie.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, your name is Brownie? Hi, Brownie. How are you? Good. You know what? We've seen bunny rabbits in our backyard, too, haven't we? 50 million. 50 million bunny rabbits?

Unknown: No, 2,000.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay. So where did the snake end up going?

Unknown: In our shed.

Natty Bumpercar: In the shed. It was very scary. So what did Daddy do to get rid of the snake? Cut the weeds so it can hide. Yep, I got rid of all of the weeds, all of the…

Unknown: And, hey, there's something where you can, like, just kill them.

Natty Bumpercar: Well, but, see, I wasn't sure if I wanted to kill the snake, because I've read that snakes eat bad pests. Of course, it's this weird thing where, like, it's good to leave, you know, this stuff in the backyard to make a little ecological system.

Unknown: Does he eat chipmunks?

Natty Bumpercar: Does he eat chipmunks?

Unknown: Well, no. No.

Natty Bumpercar: Who? Who are you talking about, Owly or the snake? I feel like you're talking about Owly. Nah. The snack? Snake! You said snack. Can the snake's name be Snacky? Snacky Snake? Yeah. Oh, buddy, I'm Snacky Snake. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, there is a chipmunk in that. Hey.

Unknown: Owly is going to stay roundy because he's falling.

Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. Brownie the rabbit is falling, and Owly the owl is racing down to catch him right now. Wonderful of you. So we saw a baby deer. We saw a mama deer. We saw bunny rabbits. We saw a groundhog. We saw chipmunks, squirrels, a snake. We have all kinds. We have robins, blue jays. Cardinals. Cardinals, yeah. Woodpeckers. Those little ones. I don't know what the little good.

Unknown: Ooh, something's happening to them. Oh, that's a good one. It just turned off.

Natty Bumpercar: No, it's doing good. Owly's keeping track of the washing machine that's going on right now. We also, in the front of the house, there's a bush, and we have, and I was kind of trimming the bush, trying to make it look nice, and a robin flew out at me, rah, really aggressively. And I looked in the bush, and there was, hold on, let me finish this quick. There was a bird's nest inside. There was a bird's nest inside the bush, and I looked in, and there were three baby blue robin's eggs. So, she was just protecting her nest, which I totally understand, and there were like two or three of them that were flying around. They were angry at me. They were going, squawk, squawk, squawk. Oh, Ollie, can you, what did the baby deer sound like? Because this is so important to me. Can you do it? It's very good. I thought it sounded like this. Ready? Like that? Like that?

Unknown: Like that? Like that? Like that?

Natty Bumpercar: It sounds like a steer. It sounds kind of like a steer, doesn't it? I don't know anything about his stairs, though. Uh-oh, what is the, uh, Ollie is now chasing a, uh, so Ollie was attacking a snowball and paused the podcast. You know what? I think, are we done for today? Because this owl is driving me crazy. This owl is driving me bananas. I don't think I can handle this. Would you stop trying to kiss me? you, Owl. I would not like to be kissed by… Are you eating my arm? Jeez, relax, bro.

Unknown: I'm not a snowball.

Natty Bumpercar: No, we don't have to throw any snowballs. Okay, well, a snowball was still thrown. Hey, this has been the Bumper Podcast, Talking Baby Animals. Emerson, go upstairs. She's here. It's like we live in a zoo. Would you stop it, Owl? You're disgusting. I was pooping you. Okay, end of story. Say goodbye, Owly. Oh my goodness. Okay.

Unknown: …

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May 21, 2019
Bumperpodcast #350 – Lazy River

There is work being done at Headquarters. Ridiculous work. Come find out what all of the hubbub is about?!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com, or to call in and leave a message – 646.847.7976. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar discovers an unauthorized construction crew led by a contractor named Adam working in the studio basement. Producer and Aloysious J. Pig have orchestrated a surprise renovation plan to install a lazy river and secure the studio's place on a supposed "national registry" as recognition for the podcast. Things quickly spiral out of control when the crew severs a pipe, causing flooding, and it's revealed that no permits were obtained for the work. Rufus T. Rufus gets pulled into the legal complications while Pig enthusiastically prepares to swim in the unfinished lazy river. The episode captures the show's signature improvisational comedy as construction disaster meets bureaucratic chaos.

Memorable Quotes

“A lot of the people in the house got together and they thought that the investment here the studio could use some real work and they were thinking that maybe we could put in some type of a lazy river.”
— Producer

“We kind of cut a pipe kind of got a little bit of a flood happening over there in the corner so you're gonna want to get some inspectors in here real quick.”
— Adam

“That's my cue lazy river is here let's go for a swim!”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #construction #chaos #workplacecomedy #flooding #permits #lazyriver #renovationdisaster #bureaucracy

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so what you're going to be doing is taking all of those uh boxes away from the wall over there yeah those those boxes perfect and i'm gonna move them off the shelves because the whole thing the whole wreck is to come off of the wall over there and you can't do yeah we gotta have an access point so that we can get behind in there crawl space i believe according to my documentation here it seems like we have to if we move all that there should be a portal you can get in and we can uh hey hey guys what's going on who are you oh yes hi how are you i'm all right what's who is this his name is adam okay i'm gonna be helping you with your instruction i believe we're doing some work down here you guys are what do you mean who's doing work down here what do you i don't know if

Producer: this was authorized or anything um yes hi natty it's me producer and i was told yeah by who what are you talking yeah i was told by pig that we're going to be doing some work down here in the

Natty Bumpercar: studio okay what kind of work are we going to be doing can hey pig can you come over here for a

Aloysious J. Pig: second yeah hey what's up bro uh whoa hey producer who's adam yeah here good to see you bro just a lovely time of life you know it's beautiful everything right so what you doing guys moving

Producer: some stuff over there well yeah i was saying according to our plans there's some sort of access point behind the shelves over there we gotta access and get though so i gotta move off a couple of things you don't understand it's just work and doing the work that's what we do

Natty Bumpercar: okay so i'm glad you're here pig i'm glad that you do know adam and producer i guess i'm glad you're here too to kind of organize all this uh so i need to know before anything else is moved or touched or whatever uh what what the the plan is i guess and what we're trying to do because i'm supposed to be recording a podcast right now and um the bumper podcast yes the bumper podcast thank you well yeah so you know my kids and will you listen to your show sometimes and we gotta tell you it's hard to understand who all the you know all the people who come in all the characters are sometimes so i know it's just a little criticism okay thank you you know a real listener here real number one fan oh number one long time first time being on the show you can stop now please you know that's probably a good idea i'm gonna go and help the crew over there okay doing some work but uh we're gonna really get this job moving you know it's gonna be real groundbreaking and everything and such and whatnot okay okay thanks adam best of luck to you over there i still producer pig i need to have a meeting with you a little sidebar i need to get you guys over here because i'm still do not know what work is being done i do not know what is happening i do not know why there is a crew here i need you to explain please so obviously there's gonna be some uh you know some

Aloysious J. Pig: some structural things i guess some plumbing plumbing plumbing maybe a few uh pipes i don't you know what producer you seem like you know more about the uh overall indoor bl planes so what i'm gonna do is leave this in your capable hands but you i'm gonna didn't tell me anything maybe go out and do things i like some stuff do a little dance i don't know i'm gonna do my thing

Natty Bumpercar: okay okay thank to you thanks pig uh so before you say anything producer pig you didn't say anything at all you said maybe some construction maybe some pipes maybe some electric that you know what you didn't that's not you didn't tell me anything you're already you're gone okay guess he's gotta go scootadoot whatever that means i'm gonna start scootadooting all around town um all right producer what's give me the give me the lowdown yeah well so a lot of the people in

Producer: the house got together and they thought that the investment here the studio could use some real work and they were thinking that maybe we could put in some type of a lazy river or what you know what lazy river i know it's a lazy i know what a lazy river is and we're not putting a lazy

Natty Bumpercar: river in the studio that's full of equipment electrical equipment in the basement you we're

Producer: not putting a river in our basement okay so listen not so it is that mean we probably can't do the cantilever waterfalls and the um these spritz the spritz what are you saying no spritz no you said spritz no i'm not going you say spritz you say spritz spritz thank you yeah spritz machine i don't

Natty Bumpercar: just because i said it doesn't mean that i know what it is i don't know what a spritz machine is okay i'm freaking out do we have is are there blueprints are there plants has this been paid for like how far along are we exactly yeah so i got my plans here you i heard you uh gab and all over here asking for plans and i figured i'd bring them on over and uh but one thing you know i gotta tell you we don't got permits we don't got permit plans for none of this so uh it might be a little bit of a problem to figure out how to get this work moving along because we already uh ran into some issues over there kind of cut a pipe kind of got a little bit of a flood happening over there in the corner so you're gonna want to get uh some some inspectors in here real quick from the town from the you know city government or whatever okay we got some real issues so it's like uh what are you talking about you might have some sort of a national registry mark there's no national registry we can't move forward you so you're telling me now that you have cut a pipe or broken a pipe or whatever yeah we severed it i believe okay severed a pipe thank you and it's now flooding my pipe and i'm in my basement and you're now you can't touch anything you can't do anything that doesn't make any sense you already started so you already did something something bad something wrong i now uh

Rufus T. Rufus: excuse me i don't mean to buffalo into this uh stance but i understand you guys had some issues of legalities that might not might not have been persevered or persecuted or okay that's not a word

Natty Bumpercar: excuse me um my thread it's okay rufus i'm actually glad you're here because i have workers i have producer pig just left but evidently there's a big plan to put a lazy river in our basement and then uh adam yeah adam yeah his crew yeah my crew severed a pipe and uh now it's flooding but then they found some sort of thing that says that they can't work anymore down here and now we've got a real issue yep and i don't even think we have permits and

Producer: i need your help your expertise you know i feel like i pushed the paperwork over to your desk there rufus and you never get it signed for me and so i'm not sure where we stand with the whole process but i do think that maybe it's on you that it wasn't done i don't you know i'm just organizing this and just managing the whole process but if you i need your help as well so please whatever night it says you should probably jump into you now hold on just one

Rufus T. Rufus: second there little little producer frog uh now i go through my paperwork all the time i have interns i have returns i have all sorts of things and processes you understand in place that means that i'm never gonna lose this uh such things so if there was paperwork put on my desk and i'm not gonna lose it i'm not gonna lose it i'm not gonna lose it i'm not gonna lose it then i say i say i say you should have been following up with me you know understand we can't start work we can't exactly cruise down here this is a national registry it's okay so

Natty Bumpercar: again it's not a national registry it's just the basement it's just a studio actually nothing it's

Producer: not just a studio it's where we record the bumper podcast me that you knew this you knew this and it's a special place and so people said we should recognize where the bumper podcast is made and we are going to put it on the national registry and just to nom to nominate this moment we said we will also be putting in a laser laser exactly for the children it's not just for the children it's for everyone

Rufus T. Rufus: and we're so proud of everything you've done here in the studio with a bumper podcast that we felt like you

Natty Bumpercar: deserve i appreciate it something oh recognition okay so congratulations thank you very much um very nice of you guys to all do this however we still don't have permits and there's still a flood and so i need you guys to figure that out and to help me out please all right so just to not keep interjecting myself under this situation but what we've done is we've patched it all up you patched up the hole you patched up the flood no not entirely we just patched up the hole in the water flood is still happening back there so it's gonna be coming in at some point but i'm sure it's all gonna work out perfect you're gonna have a lazy

Aloysious J. Pig: you ever seen that's my cue lazy river is here let's go for a swim

Unknown: you

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May 3, 2019