Author: natty bumpercar

  • Bumperpodcast #373 – Count On Me

    Bumperpodcast #373 – Count On Me

    On today’s Bumperpodcast, Natty tries to sing a song, and then he and pig discuss habitats …

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    About This Episode

    In this episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar and Aloysius J. Pig discuss the concept of habitats after Pig reveals he's been taking four or five bubble baths a day. Their conversation about whether habitats apply only to animals or also to inanimate objects like cheese and socks gets hilariously derailed when Rufus T. Rufus bursts in to promote his new counting business, "Count On Me." The gang workshops Rufus's questionable theme song before eventually giving up on their original habitat debate. This lighthearted episode features the characters' trademark improvisational humor and tangential conversations that somehow circle back to environmental awareness.

    Memorable Quotes

    “The habitat for cheese is my belly. You do love cheese you do love cheese a lot huh.”

    — Aloysius J. Pig

    “You can count on me, but you can't count on yourself. That's terrible.”

    — Rufus T. Rufus

    “We're polluting our waters. Why would we do that? That's the animal's habitat. Oh, wait a minute. Now we're getting a thing where the habitats are fighting each other.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #habitats #environment #animals #bathing #businessideas #counting #songwriting #nature

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: hey Aloysius what what are you doing what you doing I'm not whatever you're doing I'm not doing you're singing a song you're singing why are you singing a song that's what we do now but it's not we just talk remember come on man no I'm not gonna because that's not how we operate sing your part I don't have a part fine okay to just talk to the people the way you normally talk to the people okay this hand clapping thing it's weird I don't it's not I mean it was a good beat thanks I'm not gonna lie to you I like it so anything new Aloysius anything you're up to any uh any anything at all nothing I can think of off the top of my head um you know I did I did walk around the uh the yard the other day and I saw um some flowers coming up oh that means spring is gonna happen yeah it means spring is gonna happen yeah I saw some bumblebees oh the sun was up in the sky I took a nap in the hammock haha hammock good one yeah like because you're a pig and it's like a hammock like hey what is what did the pig take a nap in it was a hammock I get it yeah I guess you get it yeah get it so uh that's what I've been up to you know a lot of sleeping a lot of napping uh a bath like four or five times a day bubble bath uh moisturize I don't want to get dry skin uh drinking a lot of water yeah it's good that's healthy you gotta drink you gotta hydrate you gotta stay hydrated you gotta you gotta drink a lot of water I like that you're taking a lot of baths um I was wondering though why our water bill was so high but now I know here's the thing pig if you um just you can just wash your your little hooves your hooves your hooves your hooves no they're hooves your hooves they are hooves come on look at them look at them look at these what are these what are these my hooves those are your hooves um I think maybe that I mean taking a bath once a day is great uh but maybe four times a day that's we're gonna use up all the bubbles uh and it's you know it's not great for the environment the fish needs somewhere to sleep and if you're taking all your baths then the fish aren't gonna have a home so that's that's not nice kind of like the people next to us we had a nice wooded lot and uh somebody came and where all the deer lived there were families and families of deer who would wave at us every morning on their way to work I remember one time the daddy deer he went out he was holding his a cup of deer coffee and he was buying he was picking up his deer newspaper he's he was still wearing his little deer robe and uh I was I was in the driveway and he looked over at me and he just kind of raised his little mug as if to say good morning good morning and then uh but then they took all the woods away and now the deer they've moved on to somewhere else they didn't even leave like a forwarding address so if we get their mail we can we don't even know where to send it so I don't what's the I don't understand the connection okay well yeah the point is I'm saying the deer had a habitat which is where animals live like habitat is is is what you would call an area where things live so for instance uh the habitat for rhinoceros might be uh in Africa right or the habitat for um I'm trying to think of a good example mosquitoes is Florida um the habitat for cheese is my belly ah you do love cheese you do love cheese a lot huh uh so that's like hay's habitat is in my because that's where hay lives right yeah I mean I yes yes yes uh no I think habitat is more for animals and not as much for things so like for instance my sock drawer is not the habitat for my socks I don't think but maybe we should find some sort of an expert that could uh could tell us all this stuff oh no well I say I say I say I heard that you was looking for an expert in something and anytime I hear the word expert I realize that I Rufus T. Rufus am being called to answer some sort of a question because I don't know if you know this but I am not just a lawyer but I am also a whiz at knowledge of things and I'm not just a lawyer but I am also a whiz at knowledge of things and I'm don't know if you wouldn't believe a buncha more easy things than this you know the first thing I do is I talk about you know STEEL and esta and stuff I know all sorts of things if you understand what I'm saying you know he's got a good point there Nattie uh Rufus he one time he I dropped a whole uh box of toothpicks and he looked down and he said 7 14 and I said what is that and he said that's how many toothpicks no are on the floor that's so it's a guess he guessed it doesn't mean okay but he's an expert like counter is what I'm saying he's good at counting no and count on him No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Listen, I… He's not an expert. Did you actually count the toothpicks when you picked them up, or did you just take his word for it? Because he's been known to fib every so often, or all the time. I regret that indubitably, because I never make stuff up. I may twist the truth from here to yonder, but I would never, ever make up a facsimile of the truth. And I do remember that day, Aloysius, that the toothpicks fell, and I counted them immediately on the floor, and I started up a new business on top of my law firm, and it's called Count On Me, because I can count things quickly. So if you have, let's say, a stack of nails, I can look at it, and I'll tell you how many nails you have. So if you have a job, and you know you need 173 nails, I can tell you if you've got 173 nails, or maybe you have 145 nails. That's not enough. You need 173. You can count on me. We have a theme song, too. Hold on one second. You can count on me. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. You can count on me. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Because you can't count on yourself. But wait. No, you can't. That's terrible. But you can always count. Count on me. Okay. I'm trying to be nice. I'm thrilled that you have your own business, and it's a very specific business where you count things for people. And I'm amazed that people pay you for it. And I'm really impressed that you came up with a theme song, but I don't like in a theme song where you say you can't count on yourself. That doesn't seem very nice at all. I don't like how it… What that says. I think it's just, I think he was just trying to be catchy. Cause it's just like, you can count on me. You can count on, but you can't count on yourself. Yeah. I don't like it either. It's not nice. How about we could switch it up? Let's make that our exercise for today. Let's think of a better way to frame the argument. Not, not that it's an argument. We're not fighting or nothing. You can count on me. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. You can count on me. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. But you can't count on yourself. Count on yourself. I was going right back to the same thing. Yeah, see, you was going right back cause it's just a natural progression. You can count on me, but why do you need to count on me? Why can't you do it yourself? Maybe you're too busy. Ooh. Busy. Busy. That's it, that's it. Hold on one second. See, you can count on me. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. You can count on me. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Because, or when. It's when you. Aren't too busy. So, you can count on me. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. You can count on me. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. When you get too busy, you can count on me. That sounds much nicer. You know what? I'm glad we workshopped this. I'm glad that we talked this through. I appreciate you guys. And if you ever need to count anything, you know what? You can count on me. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. See you later, Rufus. Thanks for stopping by. Head on out. We'll see you later. Okay. We'll count on you. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. See you later. That was exciting. He didn't answer. The more exciting part. He didn't answer the question. You like said something and he appeared to give you some sort of knowledge and then he just disappeared, which means he's just kind of gone, which means we don't have to put up with him, which is amazing. Okay. That was a win-win for everything. What were we talking about before he came in here? I don't even remember. I don't even remember. I don't even remember. I don't even know. I think it had something to do with socks, environment, habitats. We were talking about habitats. That's what we were talking about. We were trying to figure out if habitats are just for living things like bears or pigeons, I guess, or if they can be for other things. Like, because I said cheese and then I said socks and you said hay for your sty. So he came, but he was talking about something completely different. And we never got even to ask him a question, and he left. So you know what? I think that we're just going to have to do some research and figure that out ourselves. What is a habitat? Who does it mean? Like, who does it stand for? Does it stand for animate objects, which are like living things or inanimate objects, too, which are like non-living things? Like, for instance, is the habitat for garbage? The, the, the, the landfill? I don't know. I know one place that is definitely not the habitat for garbage. That's the ocean. That's a big problem. We're polluting our waters. Why would we do that? That's the animal's habitat. Oh, wait a minute. Now we're getting a thing where the habitats are fighting each other. The garbage habitat versus the animal habitat. My mind is officially blown. Yeah, I'm going to go take a nap. My head hurts. This is too much thinking. We normally don't think quite this much on the Bumper Podcast. By the way, Natty, tell everybody who's new here, the Bumper Podcast-cateers, to go subscribe and like and rate the podcast because we love doing it, but we love to hear your feedback. And we take all your words very seriously, probably. That's me, Aloysius J. Pig. If you get bored on Facebook. If you go to Facebook. If you go to the official Natty Bumper Car Facebook page, we're going to be doing videos for the time being every day, little 15-minute videos, just to ease your boredom a little bit because, you know, we are kind of stuck inside, and so that'll be a fun thing to do. Maybe we'll learn something. I doubt it. Thanks, Pig. But maybe. It'll be fun. I promise. Good night, everybody. Night, Pig. So, yeah, I'm Natty Bumper Car. I'm a comedian. We make a family-friendly, fun podcast, and we want you to listen to it. You guys who listen, you're the Bumper Podcast Cateers, and I love you. You're awesome. Stay safe. Keep your hands clean. Get a lot of sleep. Drink a lot of water. Only take one bath a day. Okay? Okay. Perfecto. See you on the other side.

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  • Hanging with Pig – Day 1

    If you are totes bored and looking for something to do, my pals and I are going to be making some family-friendly videos to keep you occupied. This is video #1. You might even learn something, maybe! ❤️

    https://www.facebook.com/officialnattybumpercarfanpage/videos/1106797713005842/
  • Bumperpodcast #372 – Sick Natty and Football

    Bumperpodcast #372 – Sick Natty and Football

    On today’s Bumperpodcas, Natty has a bit of the sickness, but is joined by one of his favorite children – who asked him to to tell an old story!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    About This Episode

    In episode 372 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar sounds different because he's caught a cold after his family passed around various illnesses. Natty and his co-host discuss flu shots, the meaning of words like "lemonade" and "Gatorade," and share funny thoughts about favorite family members. The conversation takes a nostalgic turn as Natty tells the story of his brief high school football career with the St. Pius Golden Lions, including a knee injury that ended his season before it began. The episode features the show's signature improvisational humor, complete with Winnie the Pooh playing football and a memorable tale about being thrown to the ground in his only play as a wide receiver.

    Memorable Quotes

    “I'm a panther bear… I said a panda… oh a panda bear you are a little panda bear”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “When I used to live in Brooklyn, my name was Scribble. Because every time I dribbled I would scribble around the court and I would miss the basket.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “He grabbed me with both hands and picked me up off the ground, and he said, get off me. And he threw me down. That was my football experience.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #illness #family #football #highschool #sportsinjuries #childhoodmemories #winniethepooh

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: oh hi everybody it's me natty bumper car and this is how I sound now because I got sick and who is who got me sick was it you no are you sure yes interesting because I feel like you might have been sick a couple of weeks ago with a stomach bug but that was a long time ago yeah I know it was probably Ollie he had a oh wait a minute that's right you had a stomach plug blow a stomach plug and then Ollie had the flu and then ever since then I've had a cold yeah did you know though I got tested for the flu I've been tested twice so far and both times no flu me too you didn't get tested yeah no you didn't get tested at all right sure no I'm not sure of anything are you sure question oh a question mark is in the air let's see I'm gonna walk over to that question block and I'm gonna tap it and what comes out of that question block no one knows it's a mystery well well I

    Unknown: don't know if I took it I think I did you took what the flu shot oh no you definitely had a flu

    Natty Bumpercar: shot oh it hurt yeah now hold on a second you just said you didn't remember if you had it and now you're saying it definitively hurt I don't understand that doesn't

    Unknown: make any sense it did happen but I forgot but now you remember yeah I'm a panther bear you're a

    Natty Bumpercar: panther bear what's a panther bear I said a panda oh a panda bear you are a little panda bear this you know this is not a uh video podcast this is just an audio podcast do you know what audio means um it doesn't show anything audio is sound oh yeah like sound waves sound waves yeah audio is made up of sound waves what was that did you just did you just take a drink and then you choked a little bit yes oh my what are you drinking today minute made lemonade ew I only drink homemade natural lemonade that's made by lemons did you know that no in Georgia probably in Georgia the only kind of lemonade we drink is made by lemons really no did you know that lemon sorry for the cough did you know that lemonade so it's like if it's two words it's lemon and then it's aid and what aid is help I know it's always what help lemon help it's like gator aid gator help is that crazy yeah yeah and so lemon how do you drink lemon help yes that's awesome and gator help gator which is your favorite gator help so I'm going to drink some help or lemon help both i don't care i can't choose you can't shoot they're both your favorite it's kind of like my children you're both my favorite are you sure i'm positive okay thank you yeah who do you think's my who do you think my iso is my most favorite mommy or popcorn and who do you think is my mostest favorite emerson which is me wait no you're my favorite oh wait you and oliver oh no i'm confused you and oliver my favorite popcorn is my most favorite and mommy

    Unknown: is my mostest favoritist why why is popcorn most because she's still just a baby i know you're old

    Natty Bumpercar: you're but she's gonna turn seven uh march 31st that's her birthday i know can you believe that yeah we're like we're in she's almost a year old can you yeah she's probably

    Unknown: six years old right now. Probably. And then she's going to turn seven.

    Natty Bumpercar: So wait, that means she'll be as old as Oliver. Yes, I know. Oh, that's crazy. So there'll be two seven-year-olds in our house.

    Unknown: And then next year she'll be 14.

    Natty Bumpercar: So she'll, and how old will you be? 11? That's, so she's going to be the, she's going to be

    Unknown: the oldest. No, you're not going to

    Natty Bumpercar: really care. No, she won't be my mostest, favoritest anymore because she won't be my baby.

    Unknown: Ollie will. Ollie will. Oh, that's right. He'll only be eight.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, and you'll be 11 and she'll be 14. Yeah. That's kind of bananas. Frank. I don't remember. I didn't call you Frank. Do you remember, do you know your friend Peter? Yeah. So I was talking to him and he had a really interesting concept. He said, um, it was about dog years and, oh, I can't remember it. I can't believe it. But he said something about dog years and then he, um, you know what stinks? I just call, I had to make a phone call because I couldn't remember what he said and then the person that I talked to who I had told it to also couldn't remember. So we have lost an integral part of knowledge. A very special bit of knowledge about dog years and now I'm sad. Are you just going to crunch on ice? Yeah. Is that good? Do you think that's good for your teeth? No. I've heard it's not, but I don't really know. It seems like it's ice. Is it going to hurt them? I don't think it will. Maybe it could. I don't chew ice except for so the ice that you have in your mouth is kind of, it's hard ice, right? No. But it is. But they make this ice that there's like little pellets and they're softer and they're like wonderful to chew on. Like amazing to chew on. That's where you ate today. Did you like it? Yes, it was good. It hurt my stomach. Everything hurts my stomach these days. All I can eat anymore is… It used to.

    Unknown: Remember when it always hurt my stomach when I ever eat? Every time you ate anything

    Natty Bumpercar: you would say, what would you say? Oh, daddy my tummy hurts.

    Unknown: No, my stomach hurts. Oh, my tum-tum. My

    Natty Bumpercar: rummy tum-tum hurts. What's that mean? I don't know. I was just making up a silly word. Yeah, I do remember that. And now daddy's tummy hurts every time he eats. Scribble. Scribble. You know what that is? So, Emerson just found a basketball that's in our basement where we record and it's got the word scribble on it because when I used to live in Brooklyn, New York when I went to Pratt Institute I would go and play basketball on the courts and my name was Scribble. Because every time I dribbled I would scribble around the court and I would miss the basket. Really? Yeah, I love basketball but I'm not very good at it. I didn't play it growing up and so I don't have all those skills that you might

    Unknown: need to have. You played football growing up and then you

    Natty Bumpercar: hurt yourself. No, I played soccer growing up. My whole life I played soccer until I was a sophomore in high school so I was probably 14? 15? 16? No, I was probably 15 and I stopped playing. I didn't make the team so I couldn't play soccer anymore. I know, sad. And then I played senior year I played football. And then he hurt his knee. Knee? Yeah, not my high knee but my knee.

    Unknown: And then he almost died. Nope,

    Natty Bumpercar: that didn't happen. But what did happen it was before, do you know this story? No. So

    Unknown: Oh, you didn't even get to play.

    Natty Bumpercar: I didn't. In junior year I was playing in PE we were outside playing flag football and It was flag? Well, no, no, no so we were playing flag football in PE like in, you know how you have gym? Yeah, gym. Yeah, and so we were outside and we were playing it and our PE coach was the football coach for the next year. He was new. And he came up to me and he had a real southern accent. He said, son, you ever played football before? Like that. And I was just like no? Because I was really skinny and I was really small but I was really fast. And I was like, no, I never played football. Why would I do that? And he's like, next year you're gonna play on the varsity team. Like that. And I was like, okay. And so then I had to start going to practice and practice for high school football was like five, six times a week. It was all the time. The school bought my equipment, like my pads and my helmet, everything. They bought it for me. And then there were football camps over the summer.

    Unknown: Wait, do you still have the stuff around?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, it was so long ago. I don't have any of it. Sad. I know.

    Unknown: Did it have the Georgia sign?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, that was before I went to Georgia. This was in high school.

    Unknown: Oh, what did it look like?

    Natty Bumpercar: It was blue and gold and it was I went to a place called St. Pius and we were the St. Pius, I don't even remember, Golden Lions. We were the Golden Lions. The Golden Lions. And and so

    Unknown: Wendy the Pooh played.

    Natty Bumpercar: Wendy the Pooh played, yeah. And it's hot. And honey broke. And Eeyore, his honey broke? Yeah, and Eeyore's tail fell off. Oh, that's so sad. Did they lose the game? Yeah, but

    Unknown: Eeyore's tail always falls off. Why does it

    Natty Bumpercar: always fall off? I don't know. It feels like they should find a solution for that. And Tigger. Yeah, Tigger's just jumping around. What does he say? And then they got tackled hard. Wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers are wonderful things. Their tops are made out of rubber and their bottoms are made out of springs. They're bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, bouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun. But the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is I ain't the only one. Oh, I'm the only one.

    Unknown: Um, wait, no. He got tackled and got a concussion. Who did?

    Natty Bumpercar: Tigger? Tigger. Oh, no. So did the doctors take care of him? No. No? Was Piglet? He wasn't on the field, was he? He's too tiny.

    Unknown: He juked everyone out. Really?

    Natty Bumpercar: Yes. What about Kanga and Roo? Did they play? No. Kanga was watching and Roo was rooting? Yeah. And Owl?

    Unknown: Um, we don't want to talk about that. Oh,

    Natty Bumpercar: something awful happened to Owl. So do you know what happened? So I went through we had summer practice. Yeah. And then we had something called two-a-days. And two-a-days are where you have a practice in the morning and then another practice in the afternoon. Wow. So you're practicing for like six hours, eight hours a day. And this is two weeks before school starts. You're at school every day. Eight hours. Boom. Practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice, practice. Because they want you to be ready for the season. And that's in rain. That's in hot. It's everything. And I in the first week I ran straight and then I cut to my right and then I went back to the left. And when I did that, my knee went kablumble. Like that. It went kablumble. And I was like, ow, that hurts. But I was young and I was kind of I didn't know. And I was just like, well, I hurt my knee, but I still played on it for a day or two. And then the team doctor came and I said, hey, my knee feels funny. And he did this little test. And he was like, oh, no. Oh, no. Did your knee go kablumble? And I was like, it did go kablumble. And so then I had to go. They took me to a hospital. And I had to get an MRI. Which, you know, the CAT scan that you were going to get? I hated it. So it's like that. But it was for my knee. So I didn't have to. My head didn't have to go in. But it was like this. It was kind of like a super x-ray is what we'll call it. MRI stands for, I think, magnetic resonance imaging. And it's so scary. But then they found out that my knee was busted. And so they did surgery on it. Orthoscopic. Where they put tiny, tiny, tiny little things in my knee and tried

    Unknown: to fix it. Nothing happened. It didn't work.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, it did not. And then I went to physical therapy and I was on crutches for the whole season. And so I'd get to go to pep rallies. Do you know what a pep rally is? No. So a pep rally is like when all the students gather around in one room and they cheer on the team. Where they're like, Go Golden Lions! And I was out in the middle of the floor like, Yeah, I'm a Golden Lion. Look at me. And then the last game of the season, the coach asked me, he wanted me to dress up in uniform. Dress out. Get in uniform. I was like, okay. And I was standing on the sideline. And then with just, I mean, like 20 seconds to go in the game, he goes, Bump a car. Get in there. And I was like, what? Do what? He was like, get in the game. And I was like, oh no, no. What? Because I didn't know what to do. So I went in the huddle. We were on offense. I was a wide receiver. And I was terrified. And I said to the quarterback, I was like, I don't know what to do. I don't know where to stand. I don't know anything. He's like, just go over there. Stand. When I say hut, run. I was like, I can do that. I know how to do that. So he goes, hut, hut, hut. And he gets the ball. And I run. And as a wide receiver, you're the guy who catches the ball. And there's a guy called a defensive back. And he's the one who tries to stop you from catching the ball. And so, I was supposed to run out, bounce off that guy, and then cut to the inside. That was my plan. But when I went, I bounced to bounce off of him. He grabbed me with both hands and picked me up off the ground, because he was a really big guy. And then he said, get off me. And he threw me down. And then the time of the clock ran off. And the referee whistle went, like that. And the game was over. That was my football experience. Who lost? Oh, we lost by a lot.

    Unknown: No, they cheated.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, they didn't cheat. They just were better than us.

    Unknown: Why did they say, get off me?

    Natty Bumpercar: Uh, I don't know. I think he didn't like that I bounced off of him. But that's what I thought I was supposed to do. That's what I did.

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  • Bumperpodcast #371 – Zippy the bug gets cold feet

    Bumperpodcast #371 – Zippy the bug gets cold feet

    Today, we get a visit from a sick little bug. I love it when we have guests – but, now I’m off to clean my equipment!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    About This Episode

    In this charming episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar discovers a sick bug in his home and decides to help rather than squish it. He has a delightful conversation with Zippy the Bug, a young bed bug who stayed home from bug school due to illness from staying up too late at bug parties. Zippy reveals he can't fly but can climb walls, and has mysteriously forgotten his siblings' names after just two days. After safely releasing Zippy outside, Natty reflects on the season of sickness, shares a story about his son sleeping on the bathroom floor, and teaches listeners about the phrase "cold feet" (or "kolde fader" in Danish). The episode wraps with Natty's ongoing saga of Popcorn the dog eating everything and an expensive vet visit.

    Memorable Quotes

    “We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't make any sense. We're really good friends because I made you feel bad.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “I went to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    Topics: #illness #bugs #friendship #compassion #idioms #parenting #pets #health

    Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Zippy the Bug (Guest)

    Full Transcript

    Natty Bumpercar: um what's um hi uh everybody there's a little bug next to me and i don't i don't know if i should squish it or if i should take it outside what do you what do you think little bug you don't know um well what would you rather would you rather be squished or would you rather go outside and live a life on a bush or a tree outside you'd rather go outside what now why is that are you afraid to be squished yes oh well that makes me kind of sad okay well then little bug i'm gonna pick you up uh with this napkin because i don't really want to touch you and i'm gonna just gently take you all the way outside okay now what are you gonna do when you're outside you don't know are you gonna go find your friends maybe yeah what do bugs do with their

    Zippy the Bug (Guest): friends i don't really know do you go to like bug parties i don't know i don't guess i don't think

    Natty Bumpercar: so do you play bug games yeah i guess wait why are you you seem like a young bug why are you at home today and not at bug school because i'm sick you're sick that's so sad how did you get sick

    Zippy the Bug (Guest): i think from like staying up really late

    Natty Bumpercar: oh so you were out at a big bug party last night doing bug dances and doing bug prances and doing all the things that all the bugs want to do is that what you're doing yeah i guess oh well i'm sorry you don't feel good did you take some medicine yeah that's good what what is bug medicine like what does it taste like i don't really know kind of yucky yeah i guess are you gonna have to go to the bug doctor no the bug is the bug ambulance gonna come pick you up and take you to the bug hospital no whew thank goodness because i don't think we have bug insurance um so tell me a little bit about your bug life do you how is bug school

    Zippy the Bug (Guest): it's good it's good what do you study in bug school

    Natty Bumpercar: i don't really know you don't remember yeah oh okay i understand how is your bug teacher she's she's fine well that's nice do you have any bug friends that fly yeah i guess and do you can you fly no do you just kind of can you hop or do you just kind of scurry around i just kind of like scurry around um do you stick to walls or anything or like are your feet sticky can you like climb things yeah whoa that's good you don't bite do you no oh thank goodness oh i didn't even i don't know why i didn't ask that first i don't want to get bit by a bug wait a minute you don't ever go into a bed do you yeah i go in my bed so wait if you're in your bed are you a bed bug yeah no i don't like bed bugs they're the worst oh you're not the worst though are you yeah i'm not the worst you seem like a pretty cool bug to me mm-hmm yeah well thank goodness well listen bug uh i'm just gonna pick you up with this napkin okay so be careful don't don't move around too fast i don't want to hurt you okay all right ready one two all right i scooped you up and we're gonna walk you out side and okay bug we'll see you later okay okay bye feel better all right

    Zippy the Bug (Guest): okay

    Natty Bumpercar: take your bug medicine and listen to your bug parents right yeah wait real quick before you go do you have any bug brothers or sisters yeah all right what what do you have uh like a brother and sister oh really oh that's nice what are their names

    Zippy the Bug (Guest): um well i really remember because like they were i was like super for like two days and

    Natty Bumpercar: Two whole days? Yeah. Oh, no. And you forgot your brother and sister's name already?

    Unknown: Yeah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, no. What is your name? I just realized I didn't even ask you that. Zippy. Oh, Zippy the bug. That's a great name for a bug. Oh, okay. Well, if I let you out here, do you think you can find your family? Yeah. Okay. Because I don't want you to get lost or anything. Hey, listen. If you ever need anything, you can come back and just ring the doorbell and I'll come and answer, okay?

    Zippy the Bug (Guest): Okay. Alright.

    Natty Bumpercar: Alright. We'll see you later, Zippy the bug. Feel better. Okay. Bye.

    Zippy the Bug (Guest): Bye.

    Natty Bumpercar: Holy cow, Bumper Podcast. I didn't expect that at all. We had a fun guest stop by. Zippy the bug. Love Zippy the bug. I'm sorry that Zippy doesn't feel well. It was also, I was very sad that Zippy doesn't remember the name of his brother and sister. It was very, that worries me. I hope he's alright. I think after I finish recording this podcast that I'm gonna go and check on Zippy and make sure that he's okay. When I was holding onto him, I could tell he has a little temperature and I don't have a bug thermometer or anything, but I could just kind of tell by the way he was, he seemed like he was moving kind of slow, a little bit groggy, and he just evened through the napkin. A little bit warm. A little bit warm. It's that kind of season though, right? It's the time of year where a lot of people are getting sick. There's stomach bugs going around. Oh, a stomach bug. Wait a minute. That's not that kind of bug at all. Then there's like little colds, little fevers, and all this poor, poor people getting feeling, feeling rough by my, we have Oliver who's the younger, and then Emerson who's the older, and last week Emerson had a bit of a stomach problem, and he had to come home from school and there was one night where he didn't feel good, and I ended up, we both ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor because it was cool, and he said that made him feel better, and because he wanted to be in there, just in case things happened. I don't need to talk about what things happened, but just in case things happened, and we'll leave it at that. But luckily, knock on wood, he feels better, and his brother Oliver, he's done very fine, but now we got this Zippy the Bug feeling sick, so it's going around. Take care of yourself. Wash your hands. Wash your hands several times a day, and try not to touch your eyes or your nose. Keep your little fingers away from your face because that's how the germs will get in, and I don't want you to get sick. Okay? I want you to feel good because when you feel good, I feel awesome. I don't really know that. I'm assuming that. Yeah, I'm going to say that. If you feel good, then I feel good. Right? That's a good way to be. It's like if you see your friends doing well, if they're succeeding at something, if, you know, maybe if there's a school play and they get on the play, yeah, you gotta build them up because that's what friends do. You build each other up. You make each other feel good about things. I have some friends of mine and they don't always do that. It's more of a you knock your friends down a little bit and it's like, hey, man, that means we're really friends. And I'm like, wait, that doesn't make any sense. We're really friends and so you hurt my feelings? That doesn't seem to make any sense at all. No, no, no, man, we're really good friends because I made you feel bad. That just seems like you're somebody who's who knows a lot about me and then uses that to make me feel rotten. I don't want to feel rotten. I'm not an egg. I don't think eggs want to feel rotten either, though. I don't want to I don't want to pigeonhole eggs into feeling a certain way. You know what, eggs? You do you. You go feel how you want to feel. Anyway, guys, this is the Bumper Podcast. I'm Natty Bumpercar and it's cold outside. I went to take the kids to school today and for some reason I forgot to wear shoes and to go from the front door into the car and then I do a drive-around drop-off and I forgot to wear shoes and I I was so cold. I was like, I wanted to cry. I was like, why wouldn't I wear shoes? I need shoes on my feet. But, you know, mistakes are made. That wasn't how we wanted to start the day, certainly, with cold feet. Have you ever heard the phrase cold feet? It's if, like, it's something that people say where if they're nervous to do something. Like, let's say you wanted to audition for the big school play, right, with your friend, but you didn't do it because you got nervous and so someone could say, oh, hey, why didn't you why didn't you go audition for the big school play? And you could be like, oh, I got cold feet. I don't know where it comes from. I feel like I'm going to research. I'm going to do some research. We're going to learn on the Bumper Podcast. Well, did you guys realize that cold feet, it's kind of like anxiety. It's like you're having second thoughts. It's like you're feeling a little bit timid about something. Like you're almost weak in the knees about something. It's like you have reservations about something. It's, you want to back out of a situation that you're in. These are all various ways of saying you have cold feet. And so I found a definition for it. It's a phrase which refers to a person not going through with an action. You've got cold feet. It's, it's, it's, I don't know. You can have stage fright. That's another way of saying cold feet. And I don't know if I can, if I can find it. Ah, yes. This is my favorite. Here's how you say cold feet in Danish. Kolde fader. So, I think you should start saying that. Bumper Podcast Gatiers, we don't get cold feet. We get kolde fader. Why didn't you go to that big meeting? Kolde fader. Why didn't you subscribe to the Bumper Podcast and leave a nice review and five stars? Kolde fader. That's so fun. I love that we learned something. We learned that bugs do in fact get sick and have to stay home from school and that they can in fact forget their brothers and sisters' names. And we also learned about cold feet. Kolde fader. And, you know, I think we had a nice time. Things I didn't tell you about. Well, Popcorn the dog continues to eat everything in the world. I took her to the vet and I said, Dear vet, I think that maybe this dog is in fact not a dog but a goat. And he looked at her and he looked at me and he said, Sir, that's clearly a dog. And I said, I think it's a goat. And he said, Dog. And I said, Goat. And we did that back and forth for a while. And then he said, Okay. Well then, take your dog and go. And the bill is $300. And I went to the front desk to pay and when they showed me that bill, I went to pull my wallet out and I didn't. Can you guess why? Kolde fader. Alright. Keep your feet warm. Go do what you're supposed to do. Don't get sick. Wash your hands. Looking out for you, Bumper Podcast. Looking out for you. You know why? Because you're the best.

    Unknown: Thank you.

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  • Bumperpodcast #370 – Valentine’s

    Bumperpodcast #370 – Valentine’s

    Pig seems kind of sad about Valentine’s day. So, Natty tries to cheer him up, a bit!

    The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

    You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

    Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

    About This Episode

    In this heartwarming Valentine's Day episode of Bumperpodcast, Aloysious J. Pig is feeling down about being the only pig in the house without a valentine. Host Natty Bumpercar helps Pig understand what Valentine's Day is really about, leading to a hilarious debate over whether it's pronounced "valentine" or "valentime." The duo explores the meaning of the holiday, from its origins with St. Valentine to what it means to spread love to everyone around you. Their conversation takes comedic turns through discussions of tree valentines, Danish pastries, and ultimately lands on an important message about self-love. Natty and Pig share laughs while reminding listeners that the most important valentine is yourself.

    Memorable Quotes

    “Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. You wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You.”

    — Natty Bumpercar

    “Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. T-I-M-E?”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    “It sounds like this is not a very exclusive club. Hey, look at that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? I guess you're my valentines now, huh?”

    — Aloysious J. Pig

    Topics: #valentine'sday #self-love #friendship #holidays #loneliness #comedy #pronunciation

    Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Natty Bumpercar

    Full Transcript

    Aloysious J. Pig: I guess I'm kind of sad, is the thing, and I just don't know what to talk to about it. Hey, Pig, what's up? Hey, Bumps, what's going on?

    Natty Bumpercar: I, you just sound really, really sad, and I, why? What's going on, man?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, you know, it's Valentine's Day, and I just don't understand it, and I ain't got no valentine. Yeah. You know, I'm the only pig in the house, and so it's just always kind of a weird day for me, you know?

    Natty Bumpercar: Well, it's, yeah, that makes sense, but here's the thing, Pig, is Valentine's Day is cool and everything, because it's a day where you can, like, show your love for other people and get little cards and get little candies and gifts. I love candy. I know you do. It's good. I do, too. Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: But the thing is… You're going to say that I don't get nothing because… No, wait, what? No, I wasn't going to say that. Because nobody loves me? Pig. Is that what you was going to say? Pig. I'm a guy.

    Natty Bumpercar: No, man, stop it. So, no, this is the thing. It doesn't… Valentine's Day is rough because it's, like, one day, and everybody focuses on it, and you're like, oh, I like this person on this day, but you like every… I like you every day. You're my valentine every single day.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Did you say valentine by valentine? Because I'm pretty sure it's valentime. No. Right? No. T-I-M-E?

    Natty Bumpercar: It's not. And I was actually… It's weird because I was trying to say something nice to you, and you're derailing it with this, but valentime, I guess it makes sense because it's, like, time for valentines. Time, yeah. Valentines is what it is.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think we're on the same page here. No. It's valentimers. No, I said valentines.

    Natty Bumpercar: An N, not an M, an N. Okay. Yeah, an N. I don't… Can we just… Okay, listen. Go ahead. So, here's the thing. Valentine's Day, according to my research, it was also called St. Valentine's Day, and it was based… Or the Feast of St. Valentine, so it's been around for many, many, many years, and I guess there was a dude named Valentine, and he got named after him. I don't know. It's one of those holidays. This isn't one of the ones, though. So, where they, like, Christmas, which is based on a solstice, or Easter, which is based on a solstice, this is… And a solstice is, like, some moon and sun stuff up there. This is just St. Valentine, dude. But it's basically… It's a day that's been built around just expressing your love for someone. Even me. Your friendship, your love, your gratitude, your… All these things. So, you can say, Happy Valentine's Day, right?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. So, who do I say it to? Because I don't understand who I'm supposed to say it to. Well… Is it gonna be awkward or weird? No. Or something? Are people gonna make fun of me?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, Pig. I think people appreciate when you say it to them. I think it's kind of like a nice thing. You can just be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day. I think you can just kind of wander around. Today's one of those days where you can just be like, Hey, you!

    Aloysious J. Pig: Happy Valentine's Day.

    Natty Bumpercar: And then, here's the fear, though, because once you've opened that door to conversation, you don't know what's gonna come through that door. So, you could be like, Hey! Happy Valentine's Day! And they could be like, Is it? Is it really? And then, you're like, Oh, no! Now, I'm in this conversation! Oh! But, you know what? That's fine. Let them get it off their chest. Don't let it stick to you, but, you know, just… Happy Valentine's… And then, you move on. Happy Valentine's Day! Is it? See you later! That's what you do. You run away from the situation. Which is a completely legitimate thing to do sometimes.

    Aloysious J. Pig: So, wait. The other day, when you came in the room, and I was kind of quiet, and you was like, Sup, pig? And I said, Well, and then you turned and skadoot? Yeah. Is that what… Did you do that to me? Yeah. You didn't want to hear my props? Mate, I…

    Natty Bumpercar: Yes, I was gonna say I was getting a phone call, but I was not getting a phone call. I just… I had a… Yes, I'm sorry. That's what I did to you, and I apologize. So, anyway. Back to who's gonna be your valentine. Pig, I could be your valentine. I would love to be your valentine.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Would you like to be my valentine? Is that socially acceptable? Is this a norm? Can we… Is this okay for a pig and a gentleman such as you to be valentines?

    Natty Bumpercar: Can we do that? Absolutely. Of course we can. I mean, that's the thing with Valentine's Day. Popcorn the dog, she's my valentine. My sweet, sweet kids, they're my valentines. All my bumper pod casketeers, you don't know it, but you're my valentines. Because it's just… It's anybody's… Everybody's my valentine. Anybody and everybody. We're all valentines around here.

    Aloysious J. Pig: It sounds like this is not a very, um, exclusive club. Like, it's just… It's any… Hey, look at that, uh, that, that leaf on that tree. That's my valentines. Oh, look at that ball by the curb. That's my valentines. Oh, what's this? A cheese doodle? No. I guess you're my valentines now, huh?

    Natty Bumpercar: So, no, that's not fair, because those are all inanimate objects.

    Aloysious J. Pig: A leaf is clearly animate, sir. It's on a tree, which is a living being. And I believe that you are incorrect.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fine. You're starting to sound a lot like Rufus T. Rufus. I think you're hanging out with a lawyer too much there, pig.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Actually, I've been doing a lot of research on pig law because I think that there's a niche in the market that a lot of pigs are unrepresented. And, uh, so, just branching out as I do.

    Natty Bumpercar: As you do. Well, so, okay, fine. So, no, a ball or a cheese doodle, I guess they could be your valentine if you want. But, uh, I'm not gonna stop you, clearly. The leaf. I mean, a tree would be a great valentine. It's there. You can come and visit it. You can give it a hug. You can tell it nice things. You can tell it secrets. And a tree is gonna hold on to all that. I would love to have a tree as a valentine. But I think, most importantly, so… What? Do you want to be my valentine?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Oh, uh, so, huh. After you kind of said, like, everything in the whole planet is your valentine, it soured it a little bit for me. But I guess, sure. I don't want to, like, let you down, because I don't want to make you sad or nothing. But I got to ask, is it, like, contractually binding? Like, if I'm your valentine, can I then be somebody else's valentine or whatever?

    Natty Bumpercar: Oh, yeah, of course. You can have many valentines. That's the cool thing. Because you're just spreading the love out. You're just sending it out to the world. Have a great… It's kind of like saying, have a great day. You're like, happy valentine. But in that second… That's how it works. It's a quick transference project. It's happy valentine. Boom, you're my valentine. And then if you turn, happy valentine. Boom, now you're my valentine. It's like this. It's moving around, right? But you leave a little bit of residual valentine with the people. So it's going everywhere. So…

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, this seems kind of strange.

    Natty Bumpercar: Really?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, it does. I don't know.

    Natty Bumpercar: Okay.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Well, it's because it's like, all right, fine, cool. This is very noncommittal. Like, I didn't want it to get into, like, being, like, a contract. Like, you're my one and only valentine for the rest of forever. But also, this now feels completely opposite. Like, we went the other direction. Where it's just like, ah, for this half a second, sure, you're my valentine. Okay, now that dog over there, that's my valentine. It's like, you know, I need a little bit in the middle. Kind of in the middle there. If we could figure out a way to take your extreme, take that extreme, put them in the middle, and then I think we'll be set. Fine. That makes sense.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, okay, that makes sense. But, yes, fine. That makes sense. So, I don't know how we want to do that. Are there going to be rules? Like, will we have to, like, limit how many people we valentine? Or is there, like, a time limit where it's just like, you can't happy valentine people, you have to wait, like, 30 seconds or something like that? Or a minute? Or, I don't know, like, what kind of structure we're going to do to meet the middle, as you were saying.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I think that's going to be tough. Maybe we're not going to get it done this year. It seems like kind of a big project. But, I feel, you know, I just think, like, we can work on it. It's another, it's a, we can work on figuring some rules out. Let's just hammer some rules out. And then we memorialize them. We put them in a document. And then we have meetings. Probably some meetings. And maybe rent a room to have a meeting in. There's a lot of meetings

    Natty Bumpercar: happening right now, right?

    Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Well, I do, I love having meetings because usually there's Danish meetings.

    Natty Bumpercar: You know how I love a Danish. You do love a Danish. All right, but for now, fine. We'll figure out some sort of structures. Some sort of rules for Valentine's Day. And we can figure out if we have anything in the budget for meetings and Danish. And, but I think for now, for today, I want everybody listening and everybody not listening. Have a happy Valentine's Day. Yeah, you did the wide net there thing again.

    Aloysious J. Pig: And you just did everybody listening. Everybody not listening. Hey, hey, ooh, hi. Everybody in the whole wide world. Like, it's just, let's target focus a little bit.

    Natty Bumpercar: Fine, so to everyone listening, I hope you have the most wonderful Valentine's Day ever. And I hope you feel loved and I hope you feel appreciated. And I hope you feel awesome because listen, every morning when you wake up, if you look around and if you feel sad and you're like, oh, Valentine's Day, this is a rough day. I don't have anybody that loves me. Look in the mirror, man, because the main person who's going to be your Valentine needs to be you. All right, because you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up, you wake up. And you know who's there? You. You go to bed. You know who's there? You are. So try to be nice to yourself, especially today. It's great to have Valentine, to walk around and say Happy Valentine's Day to people and just to share that love or whatever. But you got to make sure that you give a little bit of that love back. So go to a mirror after you listen to this podcast if you can find one and look at it and just say Happy Valentine's Day and give yourself a big smile because you're the Valentine that's always going to be there for you that knows you're like the tree. You know all your secrets. You know all your wants, all your desires, all your hopes, all your fears. It's all there. And so you got to take care of yourself because otherwise, what do you got? What do you got? You're out there.

    Aloysious J. Pig: You got a Danish, maybe?

    Natty Bumpercar: No, there's no Danish. Oh, okay.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I was hoping for a Danish. Well, you got very, you got very, I don't know what you just got, I don't know what you just got there, but you got very, very, very real, Bumpercar. We went from kind of a silly thing about a pig in Valentine's to, you know, and I agree with you. People aren't nice enough to themselves. And in this world, you know, you got to be nice to yourself because there's a lot of things out there that ain't going to feel good and that ain't going to be nice to you. So on this Valentine's Day, I like what you're doing, Bums. You took it back to another extreme. Instead of loving everybody, just make sure you love yourself, okay? And then when you do that, then other people are going to love you. It's just like a, it's like a thing. I don't know. I ain't got terms for this. I didn't go to no psychology school.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, it's tough. I, it's, it's, it's, yeah. I was trying to bring it back to the tree because we were talking about the tree earlier with the leaf and like, maybe like the seed, like the acorns or like the seeds or, you know, whatever. And, you know, I don't, but I had a hard time with that.

    Aloysious J. Pig: It's like, happy Valentine's. Make like a tree and leaf. That wasn't nice. Hey, like, what's a tree that has acorns? Hey, happy Valentine's Day. You're nuts. Like, that's not nice either. No. Happy Valentine's Day. My, my, my bark is worse. That's for a dog. This is for a dog. My bark is worse than my bite. No, that don't work neither. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, I, uh, I can't think of one with oak. Oak, you sure you want to be my Valentine? I don't know. It just, it's very silly. I don't, I'm trying to, I don't know any other trees is what I just realized. Happy Valentine's Day. I'm pining for you. Happy Valentine's Day. Magnolia, be my Valentine's? That's not one either. Happy Valentine's Day. Dogwood trees have flowers. No. Happy Valentine's Day. Ash trees.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Have papery bark. No.

    Natty Bumpercar: That's, I think I'll let you go on with that quite long. Enough. Um, happy Valentine's Day. Um. Oh, my love is like deep seeded roots for you. There's, that's one. I, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway. Listen, Bumper Podcast. Thank you so much for listening as always. Happy Valentine's Day. Uh, pig is my current Valentine. But if I see you on the street, I'll certainly say happy Valentine's Day to you. And, uh, have a great day. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. Love everyone. Please. We need more of that in the world. Please, please, please. And if you can, try to have some chocolate. Chocolate's good. Chocolate's good. If you can't have chocolate, I don't know, draw yourself a nice picture or have a nice water. Have a nice water. Happy Valentine's Day. Have some water.

    Aloysious J. Pig: That's a terrible slogan.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah. That's why I don't do the marketing. Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: Water? I, I think you were better off with the tree thing. Ah.

    Natty Bumpercar: Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: All right.

    Natty Bumpercar: We better leave, huh? Okay. We're back to that. All right. Uh, pig, I hope you feel better and thank you for being my Valentine's. I love you. Yeah.

    Aloysious J. Pig: I love you too, man.

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