Author: natty bumpercar

Bumperpodcast #383 – Hiding out

Where is Natty and what is up with the Bumperpodcast?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this chaotic episode of the Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar has been living in a dumpster for two weeks after Sal Salesman took over the studio and changed the locks. Using a makeshift mobile recording setup made from rocks, copper wire, and bubble gum, Natty records his predicament while hiding from what he believes is a hostile takeover. Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig eventually find him and reveal he's been unnecessarily hiding – they've been at headquarters eating Funyuns the whole time. The episode captures Natty's descent into dumpster-dwelling madness, his friendship with rats named Ratsky and Raffy, and the gang's efforts to rescue their smelly host from his self-imposed exile.

Memorable Quotes

“Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. There are some lines in society that I will not cross.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“I made a couple of friends in here… It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #misunderstanding #homelessness #friendship #survival #food #dumpsterdiving #podcasting #hygiene

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: holy cow everybody it's me natty bumper car and i know you've been wondering natty where have you been last episode was crazy sal salesman came in and he took over the studio and he made rufus t rufus run away and and and and now what you haven't recorded and so i'm sure you're like is everything okay no it's not okay i'm on the run i'm hiding okay because sal salesman he went in he took over the whole studio he changed the locks i'm actually recording this on my mobile podcast recording equipment so i hope that it sounds okay to you oh man and i don't know about you but it's been so hot so i haven't even had any kind of air conditioning or access to running water or a bathroom anything everything's just gone off the rails here i mean do you even remember when rufus t rufus showed up and he kept trying to take over the show and now the sal salesman shows up and he's rufus is gone i haven't heard anything from him i mean granted i did leave my phone uh back at at headquarters so maybe he's been trying to call me um but i don't know that's a thing and and maybe or email i don't you know i don't really have any way of communicating with anybody right now so i don't know what's going on uh and and it took me this long so my mobile podcast recording studio what i had to do was i got i i got some rocks and i got some twigs and and and i found uh a blue jay which is a bird and the blue jay i asked i said do you have any kind of wire and um he had some copper wire and i said that's bad i don't know what's going on with that perfect and so i traded him some of my sticks for the copper wire and then i wrapped the rocks in copper wire and um i fashioned this kind of a uh what is this thing called uh an antenna um out of the rocks and the wire and and but then it wouldn't stay together so then i had to find some old bubble gum and i used that to kind of stick everything together and uh it didn't do anything it didn't do anything at all um then what i think i hear somebody coming uh i don't i

Aloysious J. Pig: mean i haven't seen him in a couple of weeks and i ain't know where he is uh that i had to leave headquarters the south salesman said he was gonna start charging me rent and i don't even there's no income i can't you can't charge me rent i live here this is my house yeah you know and and so i

Natty Bumpercar: don't know i don't know what's going on really and yeah and so i found bumper car's phone oh

Rufus T. Rufus: so i can't even call him you know i've been trying to call bumper car now for two weeks and ever since the end what we're gonna call the incident you understand the uh the predicament uh the beginning of this this predicament incident the uh the in the infestation is what i'm calling it of that uh that name who's man whose name i shall not repeat uh and and and and so now it makes me a little bit feel better yeah he was not uh public i was not just ignoring no no no he wouldn't know but in fact

Aloysious J. Pig: seems like he's just disappeared yeah it was the strangest thing like he was there and then poof he

Natty Bumpercar: was gone right and so we all knocked on his room i thought he was asleep honestly because you know stress sometimes i fall asleep if i get super stressed guys and uh guys it's me get in here

Rufus T. Rufus: you were hiding right there the whole time no no no not the whole time but be quiet i don't want

Natty Bumpercar: anybody to see us just just come on in here and and and and and we can talk about this we can we can we can talk we can figure some stuff out uh you understand this is you're in a dumpster right now this is an act you're you're hanging out in the dumpster this is where you you you live no no it's not where i live clearly but uh i i it was raining a lot and then it was really hot and i didn't know where to go and it seemed like a good place except on tuesdays uh because that's when the big trucks come and so i have to clear everything out and and and and and and i can't be in here Normally, it's watertight. There are some mice who hang out in here.

Rufus T. Rufus: No, so those are rats. Rats hang out in garbage cans. It doesn't matter. You're hanging out with rats right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine. Mice, rats, it doesn't matter. Potato, potato, they're the same thing. I'm going to have to side with Rofus here. These mice and rats are completely different. Mice are cute, big ears, cartoony. Rats, scary, kind of disease-carrying, big scary teeth, claws. No, not the same at all. Not potato, not potato. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. Doesn't matter. Anyway, this is where we are right now. So hop on in and let's make a plan.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, you know, I do not think that I will be doing that. And if you want, I was going to say we could go down to the diner or something, have a snack, a light lunch. I am not going to be getting into a trash can with you, sir. Not necessary, not appropriate. Now, I understand you're terrified of this Sal Salesman. He did definitely pull a woolly trick over our eyes. However.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, I'm going to side real quick here with Rufus again. This is two for me. I'm not going to get in a garbage can. And this is a pig.

Natty Bumpercar: I am a pig. Aloysius J. Pig. I live in a sty, a pig sty, which is considered by most to be fairly messy, fairly smelly, but it's not a garbage can. You understand? There are some lines in society that I will not cross. Fine, fine. I will hop out and then we can go somewhere else, but we do definitely need to have a meeting because, oh, I should tell you also, I am recording this right now. This is going to be an episode of the podcast.

Rufus T. Rufus: Yeah, what are you recording it with? That don't make no sense. We're not the studios back at the house at headquarters and you're sleeping in a dumpster. So how are you making this into a podcast?

Natty Bumpercar: I don't understand. So I have a mobile podcast recording studio that I've set up here and it's got rocks and it's got some wires and some gum and then also I bought this little handheld radio to do because that other stuff really wasn't working, but I kept it around because I had spent so much time, working on it, so it's kind of a mixture of both of them. Good, you know, there's no such thing as a bad idea, right, guys? There's good, there's just good ideas and some other ideas that maybe aren't as well thought through. Okay. And so they're not as good yet, I think. Yeah, so, buddy, when's the last time you ate food or took a shower?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh my goodness. We cannot go to the diner. You smell… Horrific right now, Mr. Bumper. Wow, Mr. Bumpercar, it's almost like you are the trash can right now. You are the dumpster, you're Dumpster Bumpercar right now.

Natty Bumpercar: Fine, cool. But I've been in here for a while and so, fine, maybe I smell a little bit, but we can, let's just go to a restaurant and I can hop into the bathroom and I can just kind of wash my hands instead. No shit. This is, we're well beyond a hand washing. Why don't we just go back to headquarters? You clean up a little bit and take a shower, clean, change your clothes, maybe burn those clothes and then we can all have a quick little meeting. But we, I can't, we can't go back to headquarters because Sal Salesman is there and he says he changed the locks and he's taken over the whole Bumper podcast and everything and, Rufus, I thought you would have like contracts or papers. Or something that would, you know, make it so that this wouldn't happen, but I don't know what's going on with this guy.

Rufus T. Rufus: As I, as I, as I said earlier, he did pull a woolly trick over our eyes, but here's the thing, I am very prepared emotionally, fiduciary, inspirationally. What? And what for? For such circumstances and let's just say that the law is on our side. Yeah, Bumper go.

Natty Bumpercar: So, this doesn't make, what do you mean, like, we can go back to headquarters? Yeah, absolutely. Well, so why have I been sleeping inside of a dumpster? Well. It doesn't make any sense. Why didn't somebody come and get me or tell me? So you, you, you left your phone at home and we've been calling you, we've been emailing you, I even, I sent some text messages, some private, like I was sending, it was everything we could think of,

Aloysious J. Pig: to get in touch with you, but we've all, I mean, like, there was that first day with Sal Salesman, but other than that,

Natty Bumpercar: we've all pretty much been at home and just hanging out, eating all the food. By the way, we are out of Funyuns, so if we could rectify that situation, that'd be pretty nice. What's he doing?

Rufus T. Rufus: Is he crying or is he laughing or coughing? You know what, you're okay. Come on now. Let's just get you on out of the dumpster house and let's go on back to headquarters and we can explain everything that happened and it's going to be all right. Okay, okay, okay.

Natty Bumpercar: Except for the Funyuns. Don't forget those. Of course, the Funyuns. Yeah. The Funyuns. Well, they're a delicious snack and I think they're healthy for you too.

Rufus T. Rufus: We aren't going to start saying what's healthy and what's not healthy because that'll, because that opens up an entire other legal battalion, you understand, of reciprocation and personification and whatnot. These are all legal languagees, languageas that you don't have to worry about, but let's just steer clear if you do catch my drift.

Natty Bumpercar: Yeah, I agree with that. That makes total sense to me. Wow. Wow. I can't wait to hear how… I can't wait to hear what happened. I can't believe that I've been hiding out here and you guys have been at home eating Funyuns all week and… Yeah, well, yeah, it's okay. All right, cool. Yeah, it's all cool. It's all gravy, okay? So listen, I think whatever you've been recording, you should probably get rid of. This isn't really good for distribution, understand? You know, the sound quality. You're recording with rocks and wire. Nope. It's not gonna work. Listen, you know the motto. We record it, we post it. That's how this just always worked. Because otherwise, people are gonna be confused. They're probably thinking the same thing that I was thinking. They're just like, well, the Bumper Podcast must be gone. Got bought by Sal Salesman. And so this at least gives some insight, I guess.

Rufus T. Rufus: Fine, we'll keep the episode. But do you think I'm gonna be able to go back and do some editing, some scrubbing? Of the whole Funyun thing? Because I really don't want that out there. My paperwork plate is very full right now, and I don't have time for some shenanigans. That might be a good idea. Yeah, we can try that.

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, yeah, I mean, I can give it a shot. So you guys just go on ahead, and I just have a couple of things to do here. What are you doing?

Aloysious J. Pig: Why are you climbing back into the dumpster?

Natty Bumpercar: What are you doing, Bumper? Well, no, I just, I made a couple of friends in here, and so I just need to talk to them about the situation. And we were gonna have, like, with the mobile podcasting studio, like, our own new thing,

Rufus T. Rufus: and I don't know. Pig, you grab his feet, I'll grab his hands. Let's just get this kid out of here. He needs to take a bath right now. Some lavender-scented salts or something like that. It'll bring you back. A little cup of orange juice, maybe a vitamin or two. Nice pillow. Fine, fine. Much better in the morning.

Natty Bumpercar: All right, fine, fine. I'll come with you. Uh, hey, Ratsky, Raffy, I'll come back for you, I promise. It's gonna be the best rat and ratty and natty podcast ever.

Aloysious J. Pig: I'll grab his feet.

Producer: This has been a Non-Productive Media presentation, executive producer Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

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August 4, 2020
Bumperpodcast #382 – Sal Salesman

Who is Sal Salesman – and what plans does he have for Natty and the Bumperpodcast?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In episode 382 of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar's recording session takes a dark turn when the aggressive salesman Sal Salesman bursts in and criticizes everything about the podcast. Sal demands Natty hire a full staff, implement SEO strategies, and completely overhaul the show's operations. When Rufus T. Rufus attempts to defend Natty, he's tricked into signing a contract that gives Sal control of the podcast. The episode ends with a shocking twist: Aloysius J. Pig reveals he invited Sal Salesman and has worked with him before, leading to chaos as Rufus storms off and the future of the Bumperpodcast hangs in the balance.

Memorable Quotes

“You come to a locked door and you start to cry. I come to doors and they're locked and I kick those doors open and I give myself super excellent opportunities.”
— Sal Salesman

“This podcast is just about friends getting together and hanging out. If it takes off one day, great. But if it doesn't, totally fine.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“This is a tiny pond and there's only room for one shark here. And that shark's name is Sal Salesman.”
— Sal Salesman

Topics: #podcasting #business #betrayal #contracts #seo #friendship #takeover #comedy

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Aloysius J. Pig, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: Bumper podcast it's me not a bumper car and I'm so happy to be here I'm so thrilled because I don't know that feels like the podcast is going in the right direction like people are listening and you know we're on we're on the nonproductive.com like their network now and and and I'm this is my second week in a row recording thanks life for letting me do my podcast and it's just everything feels like your podcast is garbage yes who are you why are you here why are you being mean to me

Aloysius J. Pig: just look around yourself you see this is not even a studio it's just a basement and your podcast

Natty Bumpercar: no one listens to it do you even have any s-t-o s-t-o what is s-t-o s-e-o oh I don't know if I have any s-t-o I just know that I come down here and yeah it is a basement but it's also my studio and I record my podcast every week and it's the bumper podcast and I don't know oh yeah exactly you don't know you don't know anything all you do is come down here

Aloysius J. Pig: yeah with all your little friends every week and this is what you have nothing to show for

Natty Bumpercar: that's not true I have a lot to show for this is my 382nd episode and people seem to like my show and they seem to listen to it and yeah my little friend my little friend my little friend my little friend Say hello to my little friends I was having a good day I was having a good day Anyway You're going to stop doing this podcast Until you figure out exactly what you're doing What your five year goal is And what your angle is And what your perspective is And what your niche is None of these things exist On your show That's not, well, it's the Bumper Podcast It's all about Coffee Can Alley And all the shenanigans that happen here at Headquarters With me, Natty Bumpercar Everyone's favorite comedian And his friends Aloysius J. Pig Rufus T. Rufus shows up Doodle Poodle Robot is even I don't know where Robot is right now, honestly But what do we It's just a fun show We don't have to have Perspective and niche And all these Who are you anyway? You haven't even told me Oh my My name is Salesman Sal And I'm here to offer you A deal of a lifetime A deal of the century A deal that will make your podcast Pop in ways that it currently Does not Okay, you're a salesman? You're the worst salesman I've ever talked to in my entire life Salesmen aren't supposed to be mean I don't, why did Why did you come in mean? You're supposed to like, if you want to sell me Something, it seems like you would come in nicely You don't know anything about the magic Of sales Do you, do you Look at me in the eyes and tell me That you do because you can't Because you don't What? You're now hiring Hiring? You're hiring No Put the ad out Go on the web and hire someone I'm not gonna hire anyone I don't make any money from doing the podcast Why do I need to start hiring people? Why do I need a staff? You need to go hire someone But you're gonna start taking notes And you're going to publish them With every episode And you're going to do SEO So do we know what that stands for At this point? It stands for super Excellent Opportunities I'm pretty sure it doesn't stand for that At all, but keep going With your sales bitch Now that you're here and you have me Hostage, you might as well just get it All out By the way How did you get here? How did you get here? How did you get in here? I come to doors I come to doors and they're closed I come to doors and they're locked And I kick those doors open And I give myself Super excellent opportunities Because I am made of S-E-O Something that you clearly don't understand You come to a locked door And you start to cry I don't start to cry When I come to a locked door I might get my keys out I might knock I might push the door about me But I don't cry Unless you're talking about that one time That I went to the ice cream shop And it clearly said that it was open And that the doors were locked And I could see people inside And they wouldn't let me in to eat ice cream Is that what you're talking about? That is not what I am talking about You're going to hire someone to also Along with your notes Along with your S-E-O To make new graphics New images For your videos For every single show You're going to have to hire people To distribute your podcast Around the world To all the ears that will listen to it An ad salesman will be hired as well What? You're going to need an office manager How many people are you expecting me to hire? I can't afford this I can't even afford one person Let alone like the five or six people That you just mentioned This podcast is just about friends Getting together and hanging out Alright? If it takes off one day, great But if it doesn't, totally fine Alright? I mean, I can't I'm not going to hire like a whole So you're saying I need To make show notes Which, okay, all these things are actually I've read are good ideas But show notes New graphics for every episode Get into podcast directorates That was something that you mentioned Kind of, I guess Yes And then the office manager Which I don't really I don't really know how that helps Or what that's for Do you even have a contest, Maven? Who does all your contests? Do you even do contests? Do you have merch? Do you do any of these things? How do you expect people to find you And listen to your podcast If you haven't even done any? Do you have a social Engineering team? A development arm Of your podcast? An application? You have nothing You don't even have a cleaning crew Down here, do you? I don't have a cleaning crew And your voice just kind of changed To European somehow I don't I was all happy at the beginning of the day And now I'm finding out all these things That I don't have And I was happy before I realized I didn't have them But now I'm like, oh, jeez I need to have all these things To make my podcast the best podcast it can possibly be You still haven't told me your name My name is on my business card Which I have put in front of you ten minutes ago Before you even started yammering on I put it on top of the pile of papers Which are your contract Now hold on, hold on, hold on One second here Did I hear the word contract bump a car? Yeah, Rufus, help Uh-huh Yeah Now who is this gentleman here on this, uh I don't know his name Dom suit suit That he's wearing in my establishment Until here You listen here to me, sir You have no idea Who you are You have no idea Who you are messing with I am podcasts I am the one I am the person Who is going to take this podcast To the stars And I am also going to take it away If he doesn't listen So, Rufus, really quickly Just to catch you up This guy just came in while I was about to record the podcast And he started making all these threats And saying I was doing everything wrong with the podcast He wants me to hire a whole team of people Which you know I can't do Because you have all my friends And all my money in your back pocket And I need help, please You're not allowed to carry your money around Because you get it stuck to the bubble gum And then it's all stuck together And we can't use it anymore Do you remember that? How much money we've lost over the years, Bumpercar? A lot of it A lot of it Exactly So, anyway, sir Again, let me just look at your car Your name is Sal Salesman? That's your name? Huh Well, I'm Rufus T. Rufus And I am the legal counsel for the Bumpercar Club Bumper podcast and headquarters And Coffee Can Alley Impromptu, impromptu And so I would appreciate if you'd stop harassing and haranguing my client It's inappropriate It's uncalled for And it's unnecessary We've got this podcast under wraps and under control And so I'm gonna ask you Not once, not twice But zero times To please exsort the room Get out with yourself It's very interesting that you've looked at my car Because what you don't understand is that Common new business practices are It's a trap Just by lifting my card up You have signed the contract, Rufus T. Rufus And so now I am the lawyer I am the SEO maven I am the contract contractual I, Sal Salesman Own this account and everything involved with it And so moving forward my lawyer friend You are the one who will be leaving You are the one who no longer belongs here No Good day, sir Rufus I say, good day No, Rufus, what are you just walking away for? Don't worry, Bumpercar I got this I've been down before I've been down before I've been down before But I am not out I will figure this out And I will be back I promise you This Sal Salesman, he's no lawyer He doesn't understand the law What he understands is money And taking money away from people And that's not what I'm about Rufus I will return Oh Natty, hey, it's me, Aloysius J. Pig What are you crying about? Why, like, this time? I mean, is that why they're all Hey! Sal Salesman, you came Good to see you Yes, I came and I saw And I took over I now run this show, Aloysius So thank you for the invitation I very much appreciate it It'll be good working with you again Wait a minute Big twist Aloysius, you're the one who brought this Sal Salesman into the show And you've worked with him before? I thought you and I And especially I thought you and Rufus, T. Rufus, were friends How could you do this to Rufus? Hold on, we're good Everything's fine, everything's okay Sal, I think you're just gonna work in concert with Rufus, right? No, Sal, this is a tiny pond And there's only room for one shark here And that shark's name is Sal Salesman And so, no more room

Aloysius J. Pig: What have I done? Oh, no, Rufus! Rufus, I gotta go catch him Bumper car, you gotta figure this out Rufus!

Natty Bumpercar: Okay, um, I'm so confused right now But you listen to me, Sal Salesman Other people have come into this show and tried to take it over And they've failed every single time And I don't really know who you are or what you're about Well, wait a minute The one that really tried to take it over was Rufus, T. Rufus And he did have a lot of control in the end Huh I mean We're gonna fight you the whole way But I can't promise you that we're gonna win And that this isn't your show now And, ah, I'm not really good at these speeches But next week we're gonna figure this out I promise you, Sal Salesman Indeed we shall Indeed we shall Oh Oh Oh

Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation Executive producer, Frank Hablawi This program and many others like it on the Non-Productive Network Is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No-Derivatives License Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it For more information, visit non-productive.com

Aloysius J. Pig: For more information, visit non-productive.com For more information, visit non-productive.com

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July 17, 2020
Bumperpodcast #381 – Moving

What in the world is going on in the studio? What are Rufus and Pig up to – and how is Doodle Poodle involved?! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In episode 381 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar returns to the studio only to find Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig attempting to shut it down and convert it into a hot yoga studio. Doodle Poodle had been recruited to distract Natty while the move happened, but the plan fails spectacularly. Natty explains his recent absence was due to pandemic challenges, homeschooling, and dealing with his dog Popcorn's separation anxiety. The episode features hilarious confusion over whether they're discussing hot yoga or hot yogurt, and Natty announces the podcast's exciting new partnership with nonproductive.com. Trunks from Pig and Pals also makes a brief appearance in this chaotic return to regular programming.

Memorable Quotes

“Did you just say yoga or yogurt because hot yoga yogurt does not sound appealing or appetizing to me or anyone on the planet.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“We're in the middle of a pandemic there's a lot going on, the kids are home, we're trying to work, we're trying to be teachers.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“It's a bumper podcast bumper as you will.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #podcastnetworks #contracts #studiodrama #pandemiclife #yoga #yogurt #doodlepoodle #yumya

Featuring: Aloysious J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, Natty Bumpercar, Doodle Poodle, Trunks, Producer

Full Transcript

Aloysious J. Pig: uh yeah so you're just gonna want to move all those shelves over to the near the door

Rufus T. Rufus: perfect perfect and uh be sure that they don't mess up any of that paperwork that's inside of those uh cabinets because they are very important to the whole situation yeah yeah yeah okay of

Aloysious J. Pig: course so guys just be what he said just be obviously be careful with everything you're moving look at that lamp it can go also get a water cooler it's all this is all gonna go out

Rufus T. Rufus: front okay hey guys what's well what's what's going on now uh hey uh natty bumper car uh well so what we're doing here is we're gonna clean out the studio uh it's not a money maker you understand and uh we're gonna turn it into a hot yoga studio did you just say yoga or yogurt because

Aloysious J. Pig: hot yoga yogurt does not sound uh appealing or appetizing to me or anyone on the planet i think he said hot

Natty Bumpercar: yoga but i i do agree that hot yogurt sounds unpleasant um but why are we getting rid of this studio and why are we doing anything right now why who are these guys and why are they moving

Rufus T. Rufus: now i pig i was under the assumption that the dog uh the poodle dog was gonna be uh occupying natty's time during this transition what what happened with that exactly uh i don't

Aloysious J. Pig: know the last i heard that they were they was going out to uh to make some doodles and as they as the dog doodle poodle does and now but he's here so i can't i've been trying to text doodle poodle on the phone and i have not been able to get through to him so okay so this makes a little

Natty Bumpercar: bit more sense now because doodle poodle came to my room this morning and he was like oh my god i'm he said that we had to go on a doodling adventure he said and made me pack my bag and he said we're gonna be out all day and i was like well this is strange like i i hang out with doodle poodle every so often but this seemed like he was he had a a real strange intensity about him yeah and i um i was wondering what was going on and now i'm back and wondering even more what's going on

Rufus T. Rufus: yeah well uh pig as soon as you get doodle poodle on the line just uh hold on for a second i gotta talk to him but listen uh natty we didn't want to have to do this to you in person but you uh have stopped doing the bumper podcast on a regular basis you understand and uh ipso facto in your uh uh eternium your uh agreement here your uh law abiding uh paperwork uh your uh contract yeah your contract exactly i was having a hard time he uh you we we if you don't occupy the space of the studio at least three weeks out of the month that's three episodes per month no uh for more than two months then we uh we have to sell everything and shut it down as are you

Natty Bumpercar: serious like we're in the middle of a pandemic there's a lot going on the week we're their kids are home we're trying to work we're trying to be teachers i'm trying to be you know the my we haven't taken the dog to the therapist lately so i'm trying to help her out with all of her issues do she can't be home alone by herself did you know this she she gets anxiety she gets very worried separation anxiety that's what it's called and that's what i've been dealing with and the dog every time i leave the room i hear this not even a bark she says murph my name isn't murph what does murph mean murph murph i don't know i never heard the dog say murph before it's very strange this is popcorn right yes this is popcorn and it just i'm sorry that i haven't put out episodes as as normally as i usually do lately but it's just so much on my plate and it's i'm overwhelmed i'm not i'm not even well

Rufus T. Rufus: well well well well well well well well well well well yeah yeah classic episode that was classic bumper podcast right there

Natty Bumpercar: thanks and it's i'm i'm just i can you guys stop moving stuff please thank you so here's the other thing is we got picked up by a podcast network so we're gonna be on on nonproductive.com which is super cool and I talked to Frank over there and he wants to start putting the episodes out over there and that's awesome because you know that's a cool thing more people are going to listen to this I guess that's their problem not mine

Rufus T. Rufus: now that is a good point pig it sounds like that's a them kind of problem but now I have a me kind of problem you're falling into agreements with other people without any sort of contract is there anything I need to read maybe anything I need to sign I could endorse it with my signature I could you know put a stamp on it maybe a seal something like that

Natty Bumpercar: no I talked to Frank again he was very nice and I gave them I mean this is getting into the weeds but the RSS feed which is how people find the podcast and then he's going to put it on the network and then we have a little bumper at the end of the episode

Aloysious J. Pig: oh like the bumper podcast so it's just another bumper for the bumper podcast it's a bumper podcast bumper as you will

Natty Bumpercar: yes exactly and uh good point and uh

Aloysious J. Pig: oh it's doodle poodle I'm going to put him on speaker one second

Doodle Poodle: it's me doodle poodle I don't know I don't know where natty went we were out on the field and we were going to make some doodles

Rufus T. Rufus: he's here doodle poodle he's here

Doodle Poodle: oh he's back there huh I'm really sorry

Rufus T. Rufus: well you had one job doodle poodle you had one one job which was to keep natty bumper car occupied and you didn't do it necessarily and so he came back here and he found out what we're doing here in the studio which means no hot yogurt for you my doggy friend

Natty Bumpercar: I'm pretty sure that we decided that it was hot yoga yoga not yogurt because again the idea of hot yogurt it doesn't appeal to me I like cold yogurt cold I do

Aloysious J. Pig: so hey speaking of yogurt bumper car how's that yumya treating you have you been mass producing and mass manufacturing yumya over at see the bean

Doodle Poodle: oh yeah natty I forgot about yumya I was supposed to help you to make a logo right we're gonna doodle a logo for yumya yumya yumya

Natty Bumpercar: I know it's fun to say guys doodle poodle don't worry about it we already figured out kind of a logo type of thing but thank you for your help and also doodle poodle I'm so sad that you were involved with pig and rufus like I expect this from rufus I kind of have started to expect this from pig as well but from you why are you part of this plan

Doodle Poodle: they promised me that I could have some hot yogurt no it's yoga any kind of yogurt

Natty Bumpercar: it's yoga we established that yeah it's yogurt

Doodle Poodle: I don't like to do yoga it hurts my is it yoga

Rufus T. Rufus: or yogurt

Aloysious J. Pig: this is so confusing

Rufus T. Rufus: this is all very confusing but I gotta say gentlemen you can keep up with work because we are paying you by the hour so just go ahead and take all the shelves over there those chairs will stack on each other for easiest storage and movability

Natty Bumpercar: so we're not stacking everybody stop you guys can go home we have to pay you okay just hold on a second I will come pay you I'll write you a check and listen we're not moving anything we're not closing down the studio there's not going to be any hot yoga certainly no hot yoga hot yogurt because again we are on nonproductive.com and they're going to have our podcast and it's very exciting and we're going to be recording more often and you know it's going to be great so this is the bumper podcast I am Natty Bumpercar you were hearing Rufus T. Rufus who is the lawyer around here you were hearing Aloysius J. Pig who is I guess the pig around here you were hearing Doodle Poodle the poodle who doodles because we're so literal and there's all kinds of other characters who are going to come around but we can't wait for you guys to get involved in all the shenanigans here at Coffee Can Alley we do make yum-yum it's kind of a yogurt-y treat it's pretty delicious we have this podcast every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday Aloysius J. Pig there he and his pals they have a show called Hanging Out with Pig and Pals we're real busy we're working on illustrating a book for a friend of mine there's a lot of shenanigans going on over here I know that's the second time that I've said it I may say it a third time I won't, don't worry but here's the thing we're excited to be back we've missed you and um

Rufus T. Rufus: now here I have this paper over here that I need you to look at and read just to make sure that we are in agreement that you understand that 50% occupancy or else this room this studio as it were will be returned to its original state which is of course the yogurt shop no it's yoga

Aloysious J. Pig: yoga

Doodle Poodle: that sounds like toga toga like we're gonna have a big party or something I love parties parties are the most fun thing in the whole wide world

Natty Bumpercar: I I love parties and fine Rufus I'll read over this contract again but we're fine we're gonna we're gonna keep pumping out episodes this is episode 381 do you understand how amazing that is this podcast has been around longer than the children longer than the dog yep okay this is

Rufus T. Rufus: it's got legs that's true I hope it it's got legs knows how to it's a song yeah

Aloysious J. Pig: that was really good that was really close to copyright infringement for a lawyer I gotta say and it sounds please don't ever sing again Rufus that was painful

Natty Bumpercar: to my sweet little ears uh ooh speaking of sweet little ears I forgot hey um from pig and pals hey trunks get over here I wanna hear from you real quick

Trunks: yeah yeah everybody it's me trunks and I don't know if I'm supposed to do the weather report over here or what exactly but um it's nice to see you I can't wait to have some hot yogurt

Natty Bumpercar: alright everybody this has been the bumper podcast I am natty bumper car to everyone from nonproductive.com welcome aboard we're gonna have a lot of fun I almost promise I don't promise nothing but I do promise that uh you'll be hearing my voice more than ever so uh hugs and hugs and hearts take care of yourself goodbye

Producer: this has been a nonproductive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this program and many others like it on the nonproductive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com

Doodle Poodle: you you you you you you you you you

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July 10, 2020
Bumperpodcast #380 – Yumyah

Where in the world has Natty been? Well, he’s been inventifying – that’s where!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

Natty Bumpercar returns after a long absence to share his exciting new invention: Yum-Yah, a yogurt-like treat with a fantastical origin story. He explains his creative recipe development process, combining multiple online recipes to create something unique. Natty shares the whimsical tale of two explorers who discovered Yum-Yah from the ghost of a ghost in the hills beyond the abyss, and announces plans for various flavors including lemon curd, key lime, cranberry, chai, and mango lassi. Between inventing Yum-Yah and doing heavy yard work around his raised garden beds, Natty has been keeping busy in Coffee Can Alley, though he promises to return to regular podcast episodes soon.

Memorable Quotes

“Deep in the hills beyond the abyss lives the ghost of a ghost who has granted one wish when two grumbly explorers got lost in the bla that ghost blessed their bellies with the taste of yum yeah”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I like to find recipes online and I'll usually get five or six sometimes eight or ten of the same recipes and then what I do is I look through the list I find all the common ingredients”
— Natty Bumpercar

“So far I've put down 1,200 pounds of rocks. That's more than half a ton. Hot hot sun. But you know what I did when I was done? I came in and I had a delicious taste of yum-yah.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #food #invention #creativity #recipedevelopment #yogurt #gardening #storytelling

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: what i listen i know i've been gone for a long time i got a good i got a good reason it's not even an excuse i promise i've been i've been out in the wilds of the world looking and hunting and and i invented something i didn't really invent it but i kind of hell i would with help i was able to discover something and and i think i'm ready to share it with you i know i've been gone for a long time i can't believe i just looked and i saw the last episode that i that i that i put up was about the glasses remember the glasses it was so long ago i still don't have glasses i've been back to that store twice i have like a relationship with them now i i walk in and they're like hey no glasses and i'm like cool i was here for a plunger you know it's so it's but it's good because we're friends now we can all just laugh and laugh and laugh at how uh how i can't see but we're past the glasses we've moved so far past the glasses we're into a whole another world now where i'm inventing stuff and i and i'm following through on it a lot of times my brain just kind of makes stuff up and i'm like yes that's it and then i forget about it but then mostly because i've been prompted and prodded and forced by other people um is is is that i i've kept at it and and a lot of times left to my own uh you know whims and desires i just kind of uh big idea move along big idea move along i mean the fact that i've recorded 300 this is number of these podcasts is astonishing to me that means i must really enjoy doing it that might i must really enjoy you and you know what i do and i miss you when i don't do it i i get i start to get guilt and then i and then uh i start to get like oh what have i done what if what if i just never do it again that'd be sad would you be sad i would anyway so here's what we invented it's called yummie what's yum yeah all right well here's a fun story that i wrote to see if you can follow along i tend to say it pretty quickly but i'm gonna i'm gonna try to slow it down for your uh for your listening ears deep in the hills beyond the abyss lives the ghost of a ghost who has granted one wish when two grumbly explorers got lost in the bla that ghost blessed their bellies with the taste of yum yeah what's yum yeah you say well not to downplay but it's creamy and dreamy and not to sound unseemly but i highly recommend that you try some so trust the explorers who have decided to share this yogurty treat from the ghost from nowhere they've even swayed the heart of coffee can alley and now yum yeah is made near the brook by the jungle of the town beside marshmallow valley it is made with love so hold on to your wish because the ghost of the ghost invented yum yeah for bliss try yum yeah varieties as well as yum yeah flavors and enjoy this perfect eating blend that everybody savors yum yeah guys we've done it we've invented something delicious i mean you know we followed a recipe we tweaked a recipe so here's what i like to do uh is i like to find recipes online and i'll usually get five or six sometimes eight or ten of the same recipes right from different places and then what i do is i look through the list i find all the common ingredients right and so and i build uh a recipe out of common ingredients right those are your your base those are your backbone that's the structure the foundation that your recipe is built on right and then i start to look at all the other little things like oh this is a recipe that i've made and i'm like oh this is a recipe that i've made this person did this tweak that person did that tweak over there you know and then i start to like do a little experimenting and figuring out like all right well if they did this and this and this you know like maybe they wanted it to be a little bit more savory you know that means that means like kind of salty and so that's why they added this stuff or maybe they wanted it to be a little bit sweeter and so they added some honey or whatever right and so that's why they added this and um so then i determine what i how do i want it to taste this is going to be my recipe and so then i i start to figure out i'm going to get rid of this i'm going to hold this to the side oh this thing actually plays well off of that ingredient so i'm going to keep it even in there even though you know on the surface you might think oh i don't know if that should be in there sometimes it should and you don't even know huh right right so according to the story there's the ghost of a ghost and he is only granted one wish the thing is we don't even know what that wish is does it even pertain to the two explorers i don't know i don't think it does i think there's a deeper story there about this ghost who's i mean and then how many wishes does he have left and i didn't even know that ghosts granted wishes is he the ghost of a genie like how there's a lot going on is what i'm saying and and and you know so did he invent yumya did he is he just guarding it is it is it something that's you know like it's hidden in the forest i don't know i think that that story is is just the beginning i think we're going to find out a lot more about about yumya but it basically it's it's it's kind of like yogurt it's creamy and it's dreamy right and these poor explorers they uh they they were lost and and you know i guess the ghost of a ghost saved their lives by filling their bellies with delicious yumya um it why why not just call it yogurt ah i'm fine i like yumya it sounds better and people were like oh well the heart of coffee can alley that's pretty bumper guard yes that's me i i i'm allowing them to uh to manufacture to create to make yumya here in coffee can alley um and and we can't wait we've got yummy flavors that we're gonna start figuring out too we're gonna do like a lemon curd do you know what that is oh it's good because the yogurt is kind of sweet and so i was thinking like i want some tart flavors to go against it just to counter it nice lemon curd ooh which could move over to a key lime what really yeah it could it could it absolutely could and then also we're thinking of doing like a like a cranberry you're like but that's only for thanksgiving no no my friends cranberry dressing is delicious like not out of a can no no all made fresh and then we're thinking of doing like a chai you know what chai is it's like a chai tea but a chai yogurt what and then we're even gonna make uh uh uh uh lassi like a mango lassi right which is a drink but we're not gonna have it be too liquidy it's just it's like mango and the yogurt and maybe some like some cardamom oh well very fancy and and we're gonna make some uh some granola and we have like cups coming little plastic cups and so the only thing that's holding us back is the the only thing that's holding me back at this point is i haven't made stickers or designed the packaging but my focus right now is on getting all this stuff made and done right and then then then i can do the packaging um but that's where i've been i haven't fallen off the face of the earth uh we're still doing the pig and pal show we got a show coming up today very exciting um celebrating birthdays left and right and then we're I haven't been doing a lot of comedy shows. Do I miss it? No, actually, I don't. It's kind of weird. I thought I would. I used to, but then I've just been so busy. And busy doing what? Well, inventing Yum-Yah, for one. Thank you for asking. Oh, what's that? You're asking me, is there a Twitter account? Is there a Facebook page? Is there an Instagram? Relax. We're working on all that stuff. There's a lot, okay? Just settle down. And what I've been doing? Oh, I've been working in the yard. And we're putting a path around our raised beds. Our raised beds where we have squash and cucumber and corn and pumpkins and cilantro and lettuce. Like, so much stuff is growing this year. Tomatoes. Okra. It's all there. I think. I don't know. That's what I've been told. To me, I look at it and I see a lot of plants. But I've been told, I've been guaranteed that these are edible plants. So I'm going to take their word. But so what I did is I cleared off all the grass and dirt around the beds. And then I put down this tarpy stuff. And then I've started putting down rocks. So far, I've put down 1,200 pounds of rocks. Because each bag is 50 pounds. 1,000. That's more than half a ton. Hot, hot sun. But you know what I did when I was done? I came in and I had a delicious taste. Of yum-yah. Ah! Look at me. Ok. I hope you're doing well. I missed you desperately. Next week, we're going to get back to normal episodes. Or maybe even this week. Maybe I'll do 15 or 20 bonus episodes. Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows? Who knows?

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June 24, 2020
Bumperpodcast #379 – Glasses

Natty loses his glasses and falls into a desperate hunt to find them. Was he successful? Listen to find out! The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!!

About This Episode

In this hilarious and relatable episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar recounts his increasingly frustrating quest to find his lost glasses at a home improvement store. After getting glasses for the first time in his life, Natty loses them during a trip to buy pool chemicals. What follows is an epic saga involving multiple store visits, unhelpful employees, mysterious lost-and-found drawers scattered throughout the store, and enough exasperation to make any listener both laugh and sympathize. Natty transforms this mundane frustration into comedy gold while delivering a heartfelt message about the importance of helping others and showing empathy in customer service situations.

Memorable Quotes

“I felt like I was on Jupiter and I was like 'hi I lost my globdorps' and they're like 'no we don't have any globdorps' as we're holding a box of globdorps.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“It's a big mean scary world that I can't see anymore because I don't have glasses and we're all in this together right?”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Here's the thing people, if you ever come upon someone who needs you to help them, help them. Helping is good.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #customerservice #lostandfound #glasses #frustration #retailexperiences #empathy #everydayadventures

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: what's going on bumper podcast it's me natty bumper car and yeah i know i'm not recording on as perfect of a schedule as i would like as maybe you would like but there's a lot going on and i apologize and i do miss you whenever i don't record the bumper podcast has always been and probably always will be one of it's my favorite podcast that i do so today though today i'm gonna try to tell you a story and i'm gonna try to sound not um completely banu uh or loop-de-loop i'm gonna complete like here's the thing i lost my glasses i got glasses this year for the first time in my life and it was a big process for me it was a stuff uh we had a background backyard pool above ground that i i have found and got so that the kids can play in that this summer and um because we're pretty you know we're pretty locked in we're here at home and so i'm trying to find activities here at home that we can do and so i found a pool got a pool great but then you have to get chemicals for the pool to make it clean right and so i went to a store to get those uh chemicals and i wore my glasses i left the house uh i had my glasses on i had uh my mask on and i went to the store and uh when i got to the store i went in i got all of my stuff i got home i took my mask off no glasses i have no recollection of i've talked my face of taking my glasses off I don't know why I would have but the glasses are gone just gone disappeared this is a store that I'd never been to before either this specific store and so immediately I call the store and I say hey I lost my glasses there can you look around and it this was probably a 30-minute phone call of waiting on hold being transferred around the store and people basically like nope we're no no glasses but I don't know about you but have you ever lost anything and it's really frustrating cuz you're like I don't feel like you even looked I'm pretty sure you just put me on hold on the phone and then waited a couple minutes and came back just to say no that's the sense I would say I was getting now I had a couple of meetings to do I had a couple of that I took a shower a couple of things to do and then I went back out to the store it's about a 25-minute drive and I got there and I was able to park near the same parking place that I was in before and I was laying on the ground and I was looking in the parking lot and just kind of you know really retracing my steps I was looking in the parking lot and I was looking in the parking lot and just kind of you know really retracing my steps I was to step over a box and then i remember a guy coming at me with his uh shopping cart and so i had to uh hop around a box and like it was i just remembered and i was like i remember looking at that thing i remember you know like moving that so i went through every process i went down this aisle i had to back away when some people were coming like i just really remembered and i went to all the desks and i said uh i went to the first two it's called the pro desk and they said uh nope no glasses here i said okay cool go to the customer service so i went to customer service waited in their line they had three pairs of glasses none were mine that's fine um and then i went to the cashier station where i was before the cashier who had checked me out was not there but another nice woman was there and she looked no glasses i said totally cool so I did one more walk around the store and then actually bumped into like saw the cashier who checked me out and i said i said it was really weird i was like you and she was like ah why are you youing me and i was like i'm so sorry i didn't mean to you you that aggressively but i i was here a while ago and she's like oh yeah i remember and i was like i i left my glasses did you find any glasses and she's like oh i i did find some glasses and i was like oh this is the greatest we walked over to the cashier and i was like oh yeah i remember and i was like oh i i did find some so thus and she pulled some glasses out of a drawer and uh i was like that's them but then uh because i can't see and then i was like oh wait that's actually not them at all and so i no glasses found all right i was i was upset i was depressed i don't like losing things these glasses were expensive i don't have insurance for these glasses and so it was it was a bitter pill to swallow but i got over it went home sulked a little bit which is fine and i was like oh my god it's fine and uh i'm going home okay and she pulled some glasses out of a drawer and i was like um whatever we moved on now i waited a couple of days uh and i called no glasses okay thank you and then i went back and i said one more time i have to go back and then i can cross this off my list so i and i don't know i'm weird with the universe in that i feel like sometimes i have to go through so jump through so many hoops and i just go ahead and i do it and then it's almost like a video game where it's like hey you have to go find this loaf of bread oh did you find the ball for the bird and like all this weird stuff and i just go ahead and do it and i accept it and i don't really get that frustrated and then usually in the end you know like i'll find the thing i'm looking for not all the time but so i'm fine with going through the process of having to look for the thing it's my responsibility i lost the glasses i understand so i drive back out there did the same thing walked my path found my parking place laid on the ground again went along like the curb because sometimes parking lots will have these big machines that sweep everything and i'm like aha maybe it swept them against the curb no went to the front door there was a man in a uh not a wheelchair but like one of those automatic chairs and i he worked there and i said excuse me do you have like a lost and found uh nope and i was like oh and he's like i mean i have a lost and found and i was like oh that's just that's what i just asked you so cool do you do you have i lost some glasses here well i don't have any glasses okay dismissive like immediately dismissive right which is i'm just like okay thank you move on right i'm just like okay thank you move on and i'm like oh my god i'm there's my first hurdle i got past it went to the spot uh the register where i was asked there was a woman there who remembered me she's like i am so sorry we looked everywhere i didn't find any glasses thank you so much i really do appreciate you spending time and having some empathy for me i appreciate that i walked my path went to all the same places i went before now this is where it starts to get interesting i say wait in line to go to the uh to the the customer service i get there and i see the woman who had helped me before and i said and so i get there and as i'm going up she actually has to go help a customer okay so another woman calls me up i'm like hi i lost my glasses here on thursday and well we don't have any glasses i was like but can i just can i finish like why why are we why are you cutting me off okay and i was just like well the other woman who was kind of said can you just look through the drawers behind the desk where you're standing she's like no we don't have any glasses and i was like cool and she said and we're not allowed to go through the drawers they're the what and i was like okay what the the drawers are the drawers that you're standing at and the woman who was just here she went through the drawers on thursday and she pulled out three pairs of glasses so i think you have glasses oh you need to go talk to uh fernandez he's a he's at the front door i was like i talked to him he didn't have any glasses he's like well then there's no glasses i was like but there's there are but wait there but you huh just can you please i drove all the way out here can you please just look through the drawers no you're gonna have to talk to uh sheila sheila was the one who i talked to before who had gone to help a customer okay fine thank you i will wait and i was getting a little bit exasperated a little bit frustrated and uh the woman behind me in line went like that and i was just like you don't even know what i'm going through right now you don't even what are you hugging me they shoot here's the thing if i lose something in a store i do not think i'm asking very much for you to open the drawer that you're standing in front of just pull it open and look to see if there are any glasses she refused and so fine i waited for sheila sheila came back rolled her eyes at me which is fine also i get it i'm not going to probably annoying you but i want my glasses uh hi i was here the other day i remember you thank you i was wondering if you found any more glasses there's no glasses well can you just look in the drawer did you go to the guy at the fernandez at the front desk yeah i did but he said there was no glasses and sent me over here she's like fine so she opens the drawer and she starts to dig through it she's like there's no there's no glasses there's no glasses i was like well thanks for looking through the drawer and then she pulled out five pairs of glasses as she's saying well there's no glasses she's holding in her hand five pairs of glasses and i was stunned and i was like but you're holding there's glasses that you're holding that you are lost in what and then she's like well are these yours and i said no i don't think any of those are mine and she's like well yeah exactly i'm like but you don't know what my glasses are so why would you just say no there's no glasses when there's clearly glasses thank you very much i said have a nice day i walk off i went over to near where i was before um when i walked past there's a paint section i stopped at the paint section just offhand because i remember i had asked for directions i i had stopped at the paint section and said hey do you know where this is and they were like it's over there and i said excuse me off chance do you guys have a lost and found over here and he said no that would be uh at the pro desk not the customer service desk but the pro desk i said okay okay why would you lose i lost some glasses oh yeah well we have some glasses here why didn't you just that's lost and found that's considered something that someone has lost and that you have found and you're holding here and he went and he got this box and he pulled out two pairs of glasses again neither were mine but do you know how frustrating it is when you're wandering around the store for the second time hunting for your glasses and you've called twice and everybody has a different story i felt like i was in the twilight zone i felt like i was in some world where i it was there was a length i don't know what was happening where i i felt like i was on another planet like i felt like there was a language difference but not just like if i went to uh europe or something and there'd be a little bit of like you know i could just point at my foot but it was just like i was like on jupiter and i was like hi i lost my globdorps and they're like no we don't have any globdorps as we're holding a box of globdorps fine thank you sir at the paint section have a great day so then i went over to uh the nuts and bolts aisle right and i was looking around there because i remember being over there and these two guys were like well can i help you sir and i was like yeah i'm so sorry i'm just i'm looking i lost some glasses here you guys don't have any glasses at this this desk here do you no lost and found is over in customer service and at that point i was i was really done i was over and i kind of snapped and i was like funny thing they don't have any glasses over there but everybody seems to have their own lost and found throughout the whole store it's like everybody's their own lost and found and they got angry and they just shrugged and walked away and i was like okay i've i've officially lost it i'm done i'm done i'm done i'm done so then i went back to the pro desk and i asked them again this is i hadn't asked them on this trip and there was a woman there she's like no that'd be customer service and i said funny story customer service says they didn't have any then they did have several and then i went to paint and they had some and then they had some other ones at this register over here and she's like what do you want me to do and i was like can you please just open the drawer that's in front of you like why won't people just look why won't you just look for my glasses and she uh she looked oh she opened it i don't see any glasses but maybe they're uh maybe they're back in the back office lost and found and i was like wait there's a secret lost and found now that i'm finding out about what do i what i don't can you check that no i well it's in the back well can you call them and ask them please and she called and the person wasn't there and then uh a cart comes in with a guy steering the cart and she said oh there he is and she goes over to him and so i know the drill at this point and i walk over near and it's the guy who was originally at the front door who was sitting in the automated cart um and i said and i heard her like just so again dismissively i don't know this guy pro desk glasses and i was standing there and it was clearly she didn't actually know that i was standing behind her and he was just like already told that guy no glasses and then i kind of very tamely but i started just yelling i was just like why why won't you people just help me i was like you said you don't have glasses and you said you don't have glasses and i was like why won't you people just help me and i was like you said you don't have glasses and then i went over you said there's no glasses in the store i went to the customer service found three pairs of glasses i went to the paint department found two pairs of glass i found glasses everywhere in the store and then he looked at me and he said but were they your glasses and i was like no but that's not the point that doesn't matter what matters is that you guys just seem completely incapable of helping it's just here's the thing people bumper pod casketeers i you know i i love you guys to death you're my you're the best and i would hope beyond hope that if you ever in your life come upon someone who needs you to help them someone who it would take nothing out of you your day to put a little bit of effort in and again to empathize that's to have to understand that they're going through something understand that they're having some emotions help them helping is good i came home and i was talking to my wife and i said i don't understand if i was working at a retail job which i have many times in my life and somebody came in desperate i'm i lost something can you help me find it you know what i'm gonna do drop everything and that's gonna be what i'm going to do because it's a lot more fun to go on the glasses hunt adventure than it is to just whatever right and it's like all right let's uh let's see here i'm in this store so let me think bob bob usually has stuff that he carries around that he finds maybe it's uh tracy you know we're gonna go talk to tracy you know like i would help i wouldn't i wouldn't roll my eyes i wouldn't i wouldn't just you know it's it's like if someone's lost and they come up to you and they're like hi i don't know which way i'm supposed to go and you go welp and walk away it doesn't it doesn't take anything for you to help them just help people it's a big mean scary world that i can't see anymore because i don't have glasses and and just we're all in this together right right i hope you're well bumper pod casketeers i miss you i'll talk to you soon don't forget if you are ever bored 12 o'clock roughly 12 o'clock every day monday through friday um pig and his pals do a show and it's on it's on facebook it's on youtube it's on periscope which is twitter go watch it it's a blast it's like 25 minutes it's my favorite time of the day and i hope it's uh i hope it's your favorite time of the day too in the meantime can you just look in your drawer real quick while you're listening to this just and see if do you have my glasses please

Unknown: thank you

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May 26, 2020