Author: natty bumpercar

Bumperpodcast #388 – Season 2

[av_textblock size=” av-medium-font-size=” av-small-font-size=” av-mini-font-size=” font_color=” color=” av-desktop-hide=” av-medium-hide=” av-small-hide=” av-mini-hide=” id=” custom_class=” av_uid=’av-5x2li3′]
A future version of Natty appears and sends the crew into a real mystery. What is the ‘everything that happened before everything happened’? Is Doodle Poodle a seer of the future? And – what is that odd smell?? Stay tuned as we dig in to the what not!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

[/av_textblock]

[av_toggle_container faq_markup=” initial=’0′ mode=’accordion’ sort=” styling=” colors=” font_color=” background_color=” border_color=” colors_current=” font_color_current=” background_current=” background_color_current=” background_gradient_current_color1=” background_gradient_current_color2=” background_gradient_current_direction=’vertical’ hover_colors=” hover_background_color=” hover_font_color=” alb_description=” id=” custom_class=” av_uid=’av-kk8d7r8x’]
[av_toggle title=’Transcript’ tags=” custom_id=”]
Bumperpodcast #388 Season 2

Well we would. What year is this place. What decade. I don’t i don’t. I’m very confused right now. Don’t understand what’s happening very leery. Everything is going very blurry who hi. I’m Aloysius j. pig who you haven’t seen you in a lifetime. It’s been so very very long. Wait a minute. I you Natty bubbas. It’s me. I don osteen yelich show show old in your voice. Sounds on your friend and you kind of smell ovid funding and what. I always just. I was sitting in a cave. The bright lad flashed. I was here. i don’t recognize this place. I recognized you. Of course. But i don’t know when i am old. Okay so when you is is twenty. Twenty twenty twenty one twenty. What twenty twenty one. Twenty two hundred twenty one years you. You’re we’re still in age or accounting the us in one by one. Yeah ervin’s of course we were gonna count the as i don’t mean no same. Come from we count. The is based on quadra dramatic equation variable relations still understand with that we sell a bunch of gibberish and it sounded like you took the biggest words pop the squish them altogether to nine. Now you count us one by one. It’s like twenty twenty twenty twenty one twenty two twenty three tetra. I twenty five twenty four. I don’t know but you know what i’m saying. Like one zero one two one two one. That’s one two one two one two. Guess you talking in code now. Have we every crossed that rubicon talking in code. Now now i ain’t never cross no rubicon that is I always just counted awaited. I count one two one toe. One two set a fine foods. Twenty twenty one. Do you want some water. You have water stills his grasp we got one oh tweet from to sink from the test refrigerator still refrigeration and water in this time wonderful wonderful. I think i’ve i’ve made it back to where. I’m supposed to be back to where i can fix everything before. Everything happens. everything everything happened in. I ain’t understand skew them everybody. It’s myself and myself and myself. Mr rufus t rufus in charge and large and in the room. And say hello to you real soon. So i’m wondering Aloysius j. pig lou. Who just man is right over here. Who is he and why is he in here. What is he talking about fixing any way in any who and how rufus it’s me it’s not a bumper the future. I suppose i’ve been told. I was in a cave cave. There was a very bright light. And i can’t breathe just talking to me. You have your own lawyer representation. Your lawyer from the future of hasn’t were because he can’t just come in here and start spouting and giving me words and spinning yong’s and tell them stories because all of this can be used as a court of law. You understand sir after understand that you all my lawyer you were my lawyer before everything happened and then everything happened. you understand. You guided me up until you’re very very end. What are you saying. Rufus rufus t rufus went to someway. I heard that as well. And i’m back in a way little bit here because i sounded a little bit like a threat that sounded a little bit aggressive. If you will. And i of course don’t appreciate a man such a jew telling me anything about all as it were and i think it’s all rufus you know. It’s it’s wonderful to hear your jibber-jabber. It’s been so long it’s been so lonely. I’ve been by myself for a long time with nothing. No one to speak to know under speak of.

It’s been very difficult like it was very difficult. So when you say no one does that. Include like no peixe. What are we talking about. Pig pig to be found neria pig to be heard. It was the worst times now does sound pretty to church it. I’m getting a little uncomfortable. Telling me a little bit more about this cave in which you were was. It’s a regulated caves. Should you have been with. A handrails. Was at slipper. It’s all was the any kind of batson thing and vermins. When i’m asking any kind of dangerous issue because we might be able to build this up into aches against the caves it’d be not a bumper gop Guided by rufus st rufus versus caves. A cave. money goes real sand could be a real windfall for us. My friend rufus i understand and i appreciate your trying to toe the line in and find your loyally lawyer loyally in this as you do. You’re an expert at all of these things i declared. The players is much larger than litigation against holes in the ground. This is something much larger than all of us. This is everything that happened. And then everything that food house on a confusion. A lot of talk about kiva. If maybe i could make some drawings piece of your shins and then we could figure out exactly what happened. Maybe some hampshire’s nice okay. yes. I don’t know how to pursue i’m flummoxed i i’m fading i need some rest. I haven’t talked many many many times. Okay so i mean we can give you some place to rest until we figure this stuff out of course but i think you’re gonna wanna take a shower because you also it’s i’m this is coming from a pig. I am pig aloe issues. Of course i’m going to say it’s it smells like you. Also having bathed in many a time time at times as potentially possible. We have no water to sip. We have no water to drink rehab at all. So there’s the only way we are able to bay this much like a baby where we find a nice dry patch and we just powder all cells down with it and so if just hopes to keep the flies off. There’s a lot of flies or i come from. And it helps to keep us protected from some of the things that are out there now. This is a lot of vagaries. You’re putting out the everything that happened with everything. The things that out there. That has a cave blue line. We don’t know anything about anything. Big wiz Natty Bumpercar again. My friend alex com name. I have not heard in a long time spoken allow. Yeah we understand. Grandpa the whatever we’re gonna say future bumper car or whatever dystopia in bumper car bumper car from the in time i dunno Bumpercar after the everything is everything. That’s we got it. I think roe v is asking way than Natty familiar with is is currently aims precisely correct alloway says thank you sir for stepping in good clarifying and quantifying and explaining what i was trying to think if we can get natty over here maybe this dog can make some drawings as he does and can we can introduce track to can bring him on understand. The space time continuum willocks for in the same room together. We can’t see we can’t be near each other. It’s just a possible. Can you talk on the phone to send a letter what we’re trying to. We’re playing this by all right. Adorable little pig is and we’re trying to figure it out and you’re not super helping on if i’m to be honest from the be real. I saw harry.

Why you’re talking. Nice look looks like you did an excellent. this is a wonderful i. i wasn’t bad but to me. I expert as it. Tears looked like a cave to me. Blue light right. That’s one of this dog drool. This out wasn’t there. He’s he’s captured the moment perfectly. This dog is some sort of a into the future. I’ve come from. We have to work. We have to figure this out. We have to solve this mystery and ladies and gentlemen. I think that’s why it makes sense to call this. The official start of season to- of the bumper pod cased three hundred eighty eight episodes in the making. What is the everything that happened. After everything happened what is future pump whereas regular bumper doro portal into the future and win. Am i going to get some lunch very very hunger right now. I would also like some lingerie. I haven’t eaten and yeah in a time. That’s what time we get it. We understand it’s a rough place. Came from someone is going gonna stay here and to pick me up an you know i’d love. This has been a nonproductive presentation executive producer. Frank qablawi this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution noncommercial notary but its license. Please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit. Non dash productive dot com.
[/av_toggle]

[/av_toggle_container]

[av_hr class=’default’ icon_select=’yes’ icon=’ue808′ position=’center’ shadow=’no-shadow’ height=’50’ custom_border=’av-border-thin’ custom_width=’50px’ custom_margin_top=’30px’ custom_margin_bottom=’30px’ custom_border_color=” custom_icon_color=” av-desktop-hide=” av-medium-hide=” av-small-hide=” av-mini-hide=” id=” custom_class=” av_uid=’av-38s5u3′]

About This Episode

In episode 388, the Bumperpodcast launches Season 2 with a mysterious twist as a confused, older version of Natty Bumpercar emerges from a cave claiming to be from the future. Rufus T. Rufus and Aloysious J. Pig struggle to understand this disheveled time traveler who speaks of 'everything that happened' and warns that the space-time continuum will explode if he meets his present-day self. Doodle Poodle mysteriously draws an accurate picture of the cave despite never having been there, suggesting he might be a seer. The episode ends with our heroes deciding to solve this mystery while the dystopian Bumpercar desperately needs a shower and lunch.

Memorable Quotes

“We count the years based on quadradramatic, equational, variable relations.”
— Rufus T. Rufus (Future Natty)

“It smells like you also haven't bathed in many a time, a time, a time. And this is coming from a pig. I am a pig.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“Cave money goes deep. It could be a real windfall for us, my friend.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

Topics: #timetravel #sciencefiction #mystery #seasonpremiere #alternatetimeline #caves #friendship #comedy

Featuring: Rufus T. Rufus, Aloysious J. Pig, Doodle Poodle

Full Transcript

Rufus T. Rufus: I don't understand. Where are we? What year is it? Where is this place? What decade? I don't understand. I'm very confused right now. I don't understand what's happening. It's very bleary. Everything has gone very bleary.

Aloysious J. Pig: Hey there. Who? Hi. I'm Aloysius J. Pig. Who are you?

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, Aloysius J. Pig. I haven't seen you in a lifetime. It's been so very, very long.

Aloysious J. Pig: Wait a minute. Are you Natty Bubbica? Yes. It is me. I don't understand. You look so old, and your voice sounds all different, and you kind of smell a little bit funny.

Rufus T. Rufus: I don't know what's going on. Aloysius, I was sitting in a cave, and then a bright light flashed, and then all of a sudden I was here. I don't recognize this place. I recognize… You, of course, but I don't know when I am or where I am.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. So, when you is, is it 2020, 2021, 2021, 2021?

Rufus T. Rufus: 2021. So we're still in an age where we're counting the years one by one.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Of course we are. How else are we going to count the years? I don't mean no sense.

Rufus T. Rufus: Well, I come from… We count the years based on quadradramatic, equational, variable relations. I do understand what that means.

Aloysious J. Pig: That was all a bunch of gibberish. It sounded like you took the biggest words that popped into your head, and you squished them all together. No, no. You count years one by one. It's like 2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, etc. That's just 25. 25. 24. I don't know, but you know what I'm saying. No. It's just like one-two, one-two, one-two, one-two.

Rufus T. Rufus: It's one-two, one-two, one-two, and you're talking in code now. Have we crossed that Rubicon, and we're all talking in code now?

Aloysious J. Pig: No. No. I ain't never crossed no Rubicon. I don't know what that is, even. I was just counting the way that I count. One-two, one-two, one-two, etc.

Rufus T. Rufus: Oh, okay. Oh, fine, fine. So it's 2021.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah. Do you want some, uh, water? Oh! What? You have water still in this time. You sounded raspy. I was… I'm very… Yeah, of course we got water. No! We got it from the sink, from the tap. The sink?

Rufus T. Rufus: Or from the refrigerator. You still have refrigeration and water in this time. Wonderful. Wonderful. I think I've made it back to where I'm supposed to be. Back to where I was. Back to where I'm supposed to be. Back to where I can fix everything before… What do you mean?

Aloysious J. Pig: Everything happens. What is everything and everything happening? I… I ain't understand.

Rufus T. Rufus: Now, excuse me, everybody. Uh, it's, uh, myself and myself and myself, Mr. Rufus T. Rufus in charge and large and in the room and saying hello to you real soon. Hello. So, I'm wondering, Aloysius J. Pigaloo, who this man is right over here. Rufus. Who is he and why is he in here and what is he talking about fixing anyway and any who and any how? Rufus, it's, it's, it's, it's me. It's Natty Bumpercar from the future, I suppose, is what I've been told. I was in a cave. You see, I was in a cave and there was a very bright light and I… He can't be just talking to me. Do you have your own lawyer representation? Your lawyer from the future, as it were? Because he can't just come in here and start… Spouting off and giving me words and spinning yarns and telling stories because all of this can be used in a court of law, you understand, sir? You have to understand that you are my lawyer. You, you, you were my lawyer before everything happened and then everything happened. You understand? You guided me up until your very end.

Aloysious J. Pig: His very end? What are you saying? Rufus. Rufus, Rufus T. Rufus went away somewhere?

Rufus T. Rufus: No, I heard that as well, Aloysius, and I'm backing away a little bit here because I sounded a little bit like a threat. It sounded a little bit aggressive, if you will, and I, of course, don't appreciate a man such as you telling me anything about anything or, as it were, anything at all. Rufus, you, you don't know, it's, it's wonderful to hear your jibber-jerk. It's been so long. I've been so lonely. I've been by myself for a long time with nothing, no one to speak to, no one to speak of. It's been very difficult.

Aloysious J. Pig: Sounds like it was very difficult. So when you say no one, does that include, like, no pigs? No. What are we talking about here?

Rufus T. Rufus: Nary a pig to be seen. Nary a pig to be found. Nary a pig to be heard. It was the worst of times. Now, it does sound pretty tragic, and I'm getting a little bit uncomfortable, so tell me a little bit more about this cave in which you were. Was it a regulated cave? Should you have been with the handrails? Was it slippery at all? Was there any kind of bats or anything, any vermin is what I'm asking, any kind of dangerous issue? Because we might be able to build this up into a cave. We might be able to build this up into a case against the caves. It'd be Natty Bumper Cop, guided by Rufus T. Rufus, versus caves. No. Cave money goes deep. Rufus. It could be a real windfall for us, my friend. Rufus, I understand and I appreciate you trying to toe the line and find your loyally, loyally, loyally angle in this as you do. You're an expert at all of these things. I declare, I do declare. Of course. This is much larger than litigation against holes in the ground. This is something much larger than all of us. This is everything that happened and then everything that happened.

Doodle Poodle: Um, hey everybody, it's me, Doodle Poodle. Hello. I was hearing a lot of confusion and a lot of talk about caves. And I was wondering if maybe I could make some drawings based off of your descriptions. And then we could figure out exactly what happened. And then maybe that could give us some answers.

Rufus T. Rufus: And then I… Doodle Poodle, you're still here?

Doodle Poodle: Yeah.

Rufus T. Rufus: Okay. Yes. I don't know how to proceed. I'm flummoxed. I'm fading. I need some rest. I haven't slept in many, many, many times. Okay. So, I mean, we can give you some place to rest until we figure this stuff out, of course. But I think first you're going to want to take a shower because you also, it's, and I'm, this is coming from a pig.

Aloysious J. Pig: I am a pig. Aloysius, of course. I'm going to say it's, it's, it smells like you also haven't bathed in many a time, a time, a time. Is this, is this potentially possible? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Is this possibly possible?

Rufus T. Rufus: We have no water to sip. We have no water to drink. We have no water at all. So there is the only way we are able to bathe is much like a baby bird where we find a nice dry patch and we just powder ourselves down with it. And so it just helps to keep the flies off. There's a lot of flies where I come from. And it helps. It helps to keep us protected from some of the things that are out there. Now this is a lot of vagaries that you're putting out. Everything that happened with the everything, the things that are out there. There's a cave. There's a blue light. We don't know anything about anything. Pig, where's Natty Bumpercar? Again, my friend, I am Natty Bumpercar. It's a name I have not heard before. I have not heard in a long time spoken aloud, though.

Aloysious J. Pig: Yeah, we understand, Grandpa, that you're whatever. We're going to say future Bumpercar or whatever, dystopian Bumpercar, Bumpercar from the end time. I don't know. Bumpercar after the everything is everything. That's, we got it. I think Rufus is asking where the Natty that we're more familiar with is currently at.

Rufus T. Rufus: Precisely correct, Aloysius. Thank you, sir, for stepping in. Thank you. And clarifying and quantifying and, you know, explaining what I was trying to do. I think if we could get Natty over here, maybe this dog can make some drawings as he does. And Natty can, we can introduce him. No. And we can try to. You can't bring him here. Don't you understand? The space time continuum will explode if we're in the same room together. We can't see each other. We can't be near each other. But. It's just impossible.

Aloysious J. Pig: Okay. Can you talk on the phone or send a letter? I don't know. I mean, we're trying to figure, we're playing this by ear. All right. Adorable little pig ears. And we're trying to figure it out. And you're not super helping on, if I'm to be honest, if I'm to be real. So. Hey, everybody.

Doodle Poodle: While you're all talking, I drew this nice little doodle of what maybe the cave looks like. And I don't know. Did I do a good job?

Rufus T. Rufus: You did an excellent, this is a wonderful cave drawing. I mean, I wasn't there, but to me, to my eye, expert as it tears, it looked like a cave to me. So with the blue, I see the blue light right there. That's wonderful. How did this dog draw this? It's, he wasn't there. He's, he's captured the moment perfectly. This dog is some sort of a seer into the future where I've come from. We have to work. We have to figure this out.

Aloysious J. Pig: We have to solve this mystery. And ladies and gentlemen, I think that's why it makes sense to call this the official start of season two of the bumper podcast, 388 episodes in the making. What is the everything that happened after everything happened? What is future bumper car? And where's our regular bumper car?

Rufus T. Rufus: Is doodle poodle really a seer into the future? And when am I going to get some lunch? I'm very, very hungry right now.

Aloysious J. Pig: I would also like some lunch. I haven't eaten in. Yeah. In a time that for a time that we get it. We understand. It's a rough place where you came from. We'll get you some lunch.

Doodle Poodle: I'm just going to stay here and doodle. But if you're going to pick me up a banana, you know, I'd love one.

Unknown: Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt. Hurt.

Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

January 21, 2021
Bumperpodcast #387 – Got a Benefit Haircut

On today’s Bumperpodcast, Natty talks about getting his haircut, and spills some tea on some super-exciting news!

The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals!

You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening!

Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar broadcasts from a freezing cold car in a chaotic parking lot where cars drive over curbs and babies escape carts. Natty reflects on a successful charity livestream event where his family cut his long hair and beard with guidance from comedian friend Donna V, raising money for good causes. The episode takes an awkward turn when Natty's Zoom username 'Natty Bumpercar' confuses his coworkers, and gets exciting when he announces he's illustrating a children's book about a Christmas tree named Douglas. Between parking lot mayhem and major life updates, Natty reminds listeners why doing comedy for charity feels so rewarding.

Memorable Quotes

“I was on a work call yesterday and someone goes 'hey what's a natty bumper car' and I just didn't know what to do, just threw my computer out the window.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Out of the blue popcorn the dog zips into the room and tries to start eating the hair and it was calamity, it was just like get the dog away from the hair!”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I think we're gonna have a book illustrated by me natty bumper car what is that bananas did I just bury the lead?”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #charity #haircut #workfromhome #children'sbooks #illustration #parkinglot #comedy #thanksgiving

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: yay bumper podcast hey it's me natty bumper car and i am hanging out doing the thing doing stuff life is difficult life is rough oh no i'm in a parking lot and i just watched a uh a car drive over a uh a curb it wasn't intentional i hope they're okay oh they seem to be all right you okay you okay bud worried about you don't you don't drive over the curb that's what it's there for it's to curb your progress as it were uh so yeah i am still in the car that's where i that's where i am that's where i be that's where i is mbs yeah and the fun thing is is that it's getting chilly out and so it's it's it's cold it's 37 degrees outside right now uh and that also means it's probably 37 degrees inside the car right now um pretty happy with that pretty thrilled that i'm essentially in a freezer and i have a jacket on and i got a little hat i've got little gloves i've got little shoesies and uh not helping no because here's the thing even if you kind of bundle up and you sit outside in the cold you're still gonna get cold yeah and i'm out here for a few hours and so um the cold the cold gets to me anyway here's another thing that gets to me we had a big week last week i don't know if you knew this but my hair and my beard were incredibly long like bananas long nine months or so i guess that it all grew out and uh curly hair came back i had a nice like big poof curls just locks locks and locks of lots wait lots and lots of locks locks of locks of locks of not no i don't know there's a lot of hair a lot of hair a lot of hair beard and uh so we set it up with a friend of mine who's a comedian her name is donna donna v she has a uh a hair haircut in place they call those salons and we we decided okay here's what we're gonna do we're gonna live stream my family cutting my hair while you donna is on the other side giving them advice and trying to uh to help them along so that they don't injure me and they didn't they didn't there's no injury it was it was it was wonderful and not just the show but we actually were able to raise money for uh for for charities that needed it which is amazing and we were talking about it when a lot of of the shows that we used to do were uh benefit shows and so like probably a couple a month at least and so that was for kitty cat rescues and just animal rescues in general and and families in need and clothing drives and food drives and and just all kinds of stuff and it always made doing comedy even more fun because not only am i getting to go out and bibble babble with my words but i'm also not just me obviously but everyone in the shows is is actually raising money and helping people and what i always noticed uh were the crowds who were there at benefit shows they were happy to be there because they were getting a night out and they were getting to laugh and they were able to help people and so it was like a trifecta of of good feeling good vibes it were so it was very nice to be able to organize and set this up with donna to uh you know be able to help be able to help help help help and um so it was fun because initially it was supposed to be my kids and they were going to be doing the hair cutting and they had scissors eep and they had buzzers and okay i guess i had a brush some sort of spray stuff they didn't really touch that stuff and we were going to do it outside and because i wanted to keep the mess to a minimum but it was so cold and so windy that we had to move it inside but that's fine because it was probably better for audio and lighting and all that jazz and we donna and i kind of started and we were setting the table and here's why we're here here's what we're doing and you know you know what we thought was going to play this raial or vape on and i thought oh this was a realult and we're gonna jump in and i don't know what's going on with the dealt today actually on the day of her ingains visit to the beet shed exciting elsius doing it he was trying to do it backwards and i was like no you have to do it like this and you know it was it was cute and it was fun and then eventually my wife stepped in and i think she was really sick of the uh of the hair and she took over the clippers and she she was not messing around she was just you know all gone and it was we had for a little bit we had a little mohawk type action which is which is fun uh and a big like we shaved the side of the beard so we had a big whatever the is it i don't know if it's a goatee type thing i don't know what this thing is in the front i had some uh so it looked amazing and then we got rid of the uh the the thing at the top the mohawk and and and just had like this column of hair above my head and it made me very happy and it i was actually i was hard pressed to uh to get rid of that i was very much thinking i was just like we we could stop here this this might be the new hair but uh no it was not meant to be so but we raised money and uh did a lot of sweeping in the house and the most horrific thing the most disgusting thing uh so there's all this hair on the floor and oliver was doing a great job of sweeping it up and into a nice pile and out of the blue popcorn the dog zips into the room oh and tries to start eating the hair and it was calamity it was just like get the dog away from the hair it's disgusting ah yeah dogs man they they just eat stuff oh oh i still get the shivers just thinking about it it's just oh anyway uh so yeah that was a big exciting thing this week and i finally i have shorter hair and i uh there's it's you know it's still pretty messy so i'm fine with that uh but it looks better so now i'm not terrified if uh if i if i'm on a work call and people are like we have to turn on the cameras which they never really do because nobody wants to see anybody uh i was on a work call yesterday and i logged in to like i had like a long hair that's just kinda partly because i was auration for him so he turned on one and we had like a long hair and he was like uh i need to do this and he actually did you know start them first and then they're like you know i'm sick of me so i defined me by reviewed my hair and i'm about to get the damn é job and i'm going to do some and and i guess it had retained my name and someone on the work call goes uh hey what's a natty bumper car and i just didn't know what to do just threw my computer out the window just like no and the most embarrassing part was that i had to go out and then gather up and get the computer and it had not hung up so yeah most of their discussion evidently had been about my reaction and throwing the computer and still what is a natty bumper car so that was unpleasant i think to say the least but that's okay you know you live you learn i um do have some other ferociously exciting news so i've been working on a book for like a year year and a half with a friend of mine another comedian his name is joe carney and he wrote a book about a little christmas tree and the little christmas tree is called douglas and like a douglas fur ah and it we finally he finally he finished writing it he got it edited and i drew the illustrations for it and that's all cool and exciting but the real exciting part is that just today i sent over i think it was like the third revisions so they had a couple of little edits like oh that thing is weird fix that thing whatever so i i sent it over and i i don't know when but before thanksgiving which is next week i think we're gonna have a book i think we're gonna have a book illustrated by me natty bumper car what is that bananas did i just bury the lead did i talk about a haircut for a long time and i could have been talking about this wow i don't want to jinx myself but it is it's very far along and so now we're just trying to figure out the right format to get because right now it's a digital book and then we're gonna turn it into uh i guess hard soft cover um and i think the guy who's doing the uploading was having some some problems problems as it were with the uh with that process but we're gonna figure it out because the goal is to to have it before thanksgiving so you better cross your fingers and wish me good luck because this is this is a milestone this is a oh somebody's lost there's a baby baby baby the baby in the cart go get the baby get the baby got him well there's a lot of excitement in this parking lot guys normally the parking lot that i sit in is uh boring nothing exciting happening but this parking lot got people driving over curbs you got loose babies going everywhere yeah um so anyway i'll keep you posted um douglas the book doing benefit shows and i think we're gonna do more benefit shows and it's just there's a lot going on i told you did you even believe me you should i'm doing this on this new crazy microphone and i have to admit there's a weird delay from when i talk and when i hear it so i hope it comes out okay and i hope you come out okay and i hope that you're safe and i hope that you're awesome and i know that you are because you are mine bumper podcast

Producer: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer frank hablaui this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com

Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

November 18, 2020
Bumperpodcast #386 – A new microphone

Natty is still stuck in a car – but, now he has a new microphone. He also has no lunch …. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

Natty Bumpercar and Aloysious J. Pig discuss the podcast's irregular recording schedule in this hilariously chaotic episode. Pig discovers he's been getting paid while Natty works for mere 'exposure,' leading to a debate about artist compensation featuring negotiated payment in tacos and quesadillas. Rufus T. Rufus weighs in on contracts and accounting while managing to mangle the names of Pig's other show's characters. The gang touches on missed episodes, Halloween stories that are now too old to tell, and lost computers before wrapping up with detailed nacho orders and pandemic safety reminders.

Memorable Quotes

“Exposure doesn't buy me any tacos”
— Aloysious J. Pig

“We're paying you with experience. This is a high profile gig, which means you're getting a lot of eyeballs, a lot of ears on your product.”
— Rufus T. Rufus

“You gotta pay the talent and everybody knows that I'm the talent. I can make a little song, I could do a little dance, I could tell a couple jokes.”
— Aloysious J. Pig

Topics: #comedy #podcasting #artistcompensation #contracts #food #recordingschedules #friendship

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: well well well if it isn't the bumper podcast the uh once every uh three or four weeks uh podcast that happens sometimes exciting news uh we got a little microphone that plugs into the computer so that as i'm sitting in the car i don't know if you listened to the last episode it was so long ago i barely remember it myself but i can i can sit in the car and and try to record these things because uh the issue being uh i'm sitting in my car a lot i don't have access to uh the studio back at headquarters and uh so i um hey bumper car what's going on everybody everybody it's my friend pig aloesius jay pig what's going on aloesius jay pig that's a great song and everything uh i was wondering about this new recording schedule do i still get paid the same amount wait wait what you get paid to do the bumper i didn't know that who's signing those checks well as you can imagine netty uh it's our rufus t rufus actually comes in and signs the ledger the signs the does the accounting that does the uh balance into the books as it were and i haven't charge of uh human resources well we have human resources accounting uh-huh let's see the legal department yeah that makes sense as i do that as well and uh got my i got my uh fingers in a lot of pies as as as it were oh cool so i mean i guess that begs the question if if pig is getting does that mean that like i get paid as well well that's that's a terrific question uh for you to ask uh i don't know if you've looked at your contract lately but uh what we're paying you with is experience we're paying you this is a high profile uh gig uh as as they say and that means you're getting a lot of eyeballs a lot of ears on your product which means you get to promote yourself you understand so are you getting paid yes insofacto you are getting paid long term this is a long game of getting your uh name out there uh for people to go and then purchase whatever products you have or whatever it is i honestly natty it's you you got the best of both worlds you get to come on the bubba podcast you get to do your thing and then people everybody out there everybody in the world did like oh natty bumper car i gotta go get me some of that bumper car whatever you know your uh what is it your uh yogurt whatever yum yum sure sure yeah uh yeah so it's really getting getting your name out there and that's that's worth more than any money you could ever buy you i would think i i i kind of disagree i mean i kind of see what you guys are saying um that seems to happen a lot with uh artists and uh comedian whatever kind of you know like entrepreneur like not opportune uh entertainers where people are like hey you want to come do my show and you're like yeah sure uh you know what's what does it pay and they say oh this is a non-paying gig but just think of all the exposure you're gonna get and you're like exposure doesn't buy me any tacos now hold on a second as i just heard you say if you'd like to be paid in tacos then we can certainly cut back on some of the exposure because you know we do promote this and uh maybe work that out with a chimichanga a chalupa something like that a little taco action a burrito uh maybe a i don't know a chalupa a quesadilla i know we could do that as well i know we had a uh a uh an entertainer uh that we used to pay in uh in in in in in quesadilla and he was very happy with the deal uh and my uh contract that uh lunch is actually provided and you're talking about all this food if i could get just a plate of nachos today wait i would very much appreciate it are you kidding me you have you get lunch and you get paid this is how how who who is who did your contract this doesn't make any sense to me like i it's the bumper podcast i am natty bumper car and so it's named after me me and here we go always comes back to the name listen natty you gotta pay the talent and everybody knows that i'm the talent i can make a little song i could do a little dance i could tell a couple jokes okay i do jokes everybody's here for pig well yeah but um i mean i guess a lot of people are here for me too probably i mean like for instance we've been recording so infrequently that i have all kinds of cool fun stories like i could talk about halloween yeah so halloween already happened and uh some people aren't gonna be interested because it was a while it was you know it's last week so it's like that's old news so you gotta maybe uh think of something else um what about oh ah what about i don't think i told anybody about when we lost the computer and what a big you know deal that turned into and and and how crazy that was for a few days right i uh again it was like it was it feels like that was like a year ago and maybe more i don't know it was a long time ago i think we can agree on that right i don't well i don't think it was it was quite that long ago but i mean i guess it was a little while ago but it was such a crazy story that i thought that people might want to hear it or i don't know i could talk about like the outdoor comedy shows that you know i've done a few i don't want to step on your toes but it's kind of like a whatever floats your boat type of situation uh bumper car uh me you know i like uh to take every opportunity every show to kind of uh you know i i call it i say kick out the jams raise the roof i don't like to rehash i don't like to go back in time i like to look forward in time if you understand okay a little bit of time i don't like to go back in time i like to look forward in time little pig progress is what i'm all about okay um yeah you really have deflated you've deflated me taking the wind out of my sails here aloysius um oh i forgot to tell you too there are some people who have missed you uh and or are asking me how you have been doing uh yeah who's somebody's asking you about me yeah i hope you're not telling you don't talk to you what do you say because i know i'm interested in in that which we're in a whole new world right now who exactly is asking you about me i mean based on your current reaction i don't think i feel like giving out any names but just people who are concerned they haven't seen you you you just abruptly stopped doing uh hanging out with pig and pals and you know because we haven't been recording the podcast as often like people are just kind of just like where's where's pig haven't seen pig and uh that's really all they asked me that it's not anything beyond that it's just like where is pig is pig okay we miss pig now i believe i can step in here uh pig is currently under contract contractual uh re-mitigation for hanging out with pig and pals and we're trying to figure out how to bring the show back because we understand that it was beloved as in the community in the whole world somebody once said it brings a light to the day in the darkness and especially now that you know it's dark when you wake up and it's dark when you go to bed we need more light we need more aloes we need more uh i don't know all the other little friends that come along there's i don't know uh timmy maybe uh zippy phil i don't know the names necessarily but you know there's like a horse a frog whoever it is but uh a lot of dinosaurs i remember that but anyway we're we're we're working behind the scenes to see what we can get done okay i i love uh rufus the names i don't think you even got one right you're like oh you know we got marshmallow we got uh an animal cracker we got uh um uh shampoo random things i love shampoo i like i like zippy and skippy no it's a good one i think uh oh well okay well then that makes me happy and i think maybe that and also people missed you because you were doing the uh open mic you were sneaking in at the end of the open mic when it was virtual and to the cedar beans show and and that hasn't been happening virtually lately and so uh people have been missing you there too so i mean i you know you were really out there and you were there for a while pig and uh feels like you've kind of pulled back a little bit which is totally understandable you got a lot on your plate yes she's like an eating thing like you say i eat too much food no that's not what it was at all i was just saying you you have a lot that you're responsible for maybe i guess that's what i'm trying to say um anyway cool uh yeah so listen bumper car i'm glad you're here i'm glad you got this this cool new microphone that we can try to do shows with so hopefully you'll be able to hear me you can start doing more shows then people will get more pig which will make more people happy um and again uh i don't know who's responsible for getting my lunch today rufus but nachos would be nice with some black olives some cheese i don't no sour cream please it makes the chips kind of yucky uh guacamole do it like that a couple of onions you know uh and uh tomatoes some uh uh uh what's that it called picante no it's uh it's uh it's salsa picante what am i thinking what's picante i don't know i don't know you know how i like it just my my normal order so i'm uh i guess if we're doing lunch orders that i'm actually pretty hungry as well so i would love to get in on this pig it was great talking to you and i uh no no so natty you actually remember you don't get lunch on your contract you don't get nothing you get no zero okay zilch okay nada all right all right so you maybe you can share off a pig's plate or get something else okay so i guess no lunch for me but i'm glad we just recorded an episode i hope you're doing well we've missed you tremendously please stay safe um keep social distancing keep wearing masks wash your paws wash your claws wash your hands woman and man we got to get through this and the only way we're going to get through this is together bumper podcast this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer frank

Producer: hablaui this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it or not or sell it for more information visit non-productive.com

Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

November 5, 2020
Bumperpodcast #385 – Car talk

Natty is stuck in a car – hiding from probably nothing at all. It’s a nutty time in a car. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In episode 385 of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar records from his car while on the run from headquarters, lamenting his lack of proper podcasting equipment. He shares tales of exhausting daily drives to his child's new school, performing live outdoor comedy shows during the pandemic (including an awkward handshake encounter), and the chaos of multiple car and tractor breakdowns. Natty discusses the booming success of Yum-Yah sales, including a massive 35-unit catering order, and reflects on maintaining a positive attitude despite life's mounting challenges. The episode showcases Natty's characteristic humor while dealing with the absurdities of pandemic life and family responsibilities.

Memorable Quotes

“I have things to do I have naps to take by and look at and wish that I could go into them. I have snacks to scout and terrible fast food options to think about.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Why are you touching me? Why are you grabbing my head right now? Who shakes hands? Who does that anymore? There should be no handshaking.”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I want to have a strict lack of doom in my diet, in my daily diet. I want to look for silver clouds… or silver linings in the clouds? I'm not sure.”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #pandemiclife #parenting #comedyshows #cartroubles #yum-yah #positiveattitude #work-lifebalance

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: okay so here's the deal i'm sitting in my car because this is what i do now i'm on the run i'm on the lam i'm i'm a i'm a real scalawag i'm a real ne'er-do-well and so i had to i had to get out had to escape headquarters and and now i just sit i hang out in my car all the time and the problem with that is i don't have my podcasting studio but the bumper podcast studio the lab is out of my reach i can't get to it and so that means i don't have my proper microphones i don't have my my proper headphones and my i don't have my swivels chair you just have this car seat i mean not like a car seat like a baby car seat but like a car like i'm sitting in a car in a seat okay i mean it don't make no sense it's nutty going on here why am i in my car why am i on the run those are great questions bumper podcast kateers why have i not been recording much lately another great question you're like oh it's a quarantine you've got all the time in the world you should be recording every single day first off no one wants to hear me talk that much and secondly i don't really have that much time if i'm to be completely honest one of the bumper children is going to have to go to a new school he was accepted into a new school hooray problem being this new school is like 35 minutes from my house which means i have to get up in the morning and leave at 7 0 5 to get him to school on time and then they're trying to acclimate him to the school they're trying to get him used to the school and so they let him out at 11 45 and then they let him go and they tell him he has to go before the school starts and he has to be on time to drive 35 minutes down drive 35 minutes back that's an hour and 10 minutes and then turn around and drive all the way back down and then drive all the way back home that's two hours and 20 minutes of driving before noon i can't do that i have i have things to do i have naps to take by and look at and wish that I could go into them. I have snacks to scout and terrible fast food options to think about. Everything's gone really haywire is what I'm telling you. And so like right now, I can see on the little sound thing that little sound doodles are moving. So I know something's being recorded, but I don't even know how this sounds. Remember when life was so much easier a while ago, that guy, uh, Sal, I forgot his first Sal came in and he was going to take everything over and he was kind of scary. And we, he got rid of Rufus T. Rufus. That's a few episodes ago, probably. I don't even remember, but all these things definitely happen. And, and I was at the time I was like, Whoa, this is really hard. This is really difficult. How am I going to continue to podcast? I had no idea. I had zero idea how difficult life was going to get. Now here I am. I missed you. And I wanted to catch up a few things. I've been doing some live comedy shows. What live? What are you thinking? It's a pandemic, a global pandemic. Well, these are, these are out outdoor shows. So we're not indoors. Uh, I bring my own microphone. I have my mask and everything. And so I feel pretty okay and safe about it. It is scary though. For instance, the other day, this is very large man. He was giant. And after the show, uh, and I had had a little bit of a back and forth fun time, jokey with him during the show. And he came up to me and I was just like, Oh no. And he grabs my hand and starts shaking it. Hey, that was really funny. You did very good. Ha ha ha. And I was just like, my whole stomach went into a knot because I was like, why are you touching me? Why are you grabbing my head right now? And then I just, I had, uh, I carry a, a squeezy thing of hand sanitizer in my pocket. And I was just like, ah, just putting it all over my hands because like, you don't, who shakes hands? Who does that anymore? There will, there should be no handshaking. How do we seal the deal? I don't know. Do you remember bumper podcast? When it was an accepted thing, I think probably in the old west, when people are making a big deal, I'm going to buy your farm and I'm going to buy all of your man. Well, that's never happened before. You see, this is what I'm talking about. I'm sitting in a car. There's phones ringing. That was like six phones. And why? Because I put my phone on my phone and it was like, would you like to make phone calls on your phone? And I was just like, sure. I do make phone calls on my phone. Well, how about your computer? And I was like, okay. And how about your watch? And I was like, this seems very excessive. How about your tablet? And I was like, holy cow, that's a lot of places to get phone calls. But sure. I said, sure. And then now anytime somebody calls me, there's like 18 things ringing and they all ring with different, like, it's like, you heard it. It was like, and then and then my vibrate, vibrate. There's just too much going on. Anyway, I apologize for that. This time is just for you and me, bumper podcast. I don't need people horning in on our time. And here's, you might, well, why did, what was the call? It seemed very important. You had to go to take it. Yes. One of our, so one of our cars, uh, went to the shop last week, the car that I'm in right now. And then it came back and they had fixed one thing, but not fixed the other thing. And there were all these lights on the dash and they were like, Oh, that's no good. You got to bring it right back in right now. And I was just like, okay. And I was going to take it over last night. And so my family was going to follow me in our other car and I was going to drop this car for the shop. Now, but, uh, my, uh, the other little car we have, we had to pop the hood cause I had to look at something. And then when I went to close the hood, the hood wouldn't close. And it was just like, what's happening? Why, why world? And, uh, you know, so we ended up dropping at the other car off because the hood wouldn't close and we didn't want it to fly open on the road and, you know, turn into some crazy comical shenanigans. Cause you know, that the road is not a place for crazy comical shenanigans or the road is a place to keep your hands on the wheel, your eyes straight focused and, uh, paying attention to the road around you anyway. So now he was calling me to let me know that our little rabbit, his little hood is, is better. Oh boy. Isn't it fun when, not just when things break, but when multiple things break. So the big car kind of sick, the little car, a little bit sick. Then I was, I was, I was working on our tractor. We have a tractor and it's, it's not doing well either is, is the, is the moon and retrograde. I don't even know what that means. I don't really do that stuff anyway. Oh, although I did see someone that I know on Facebook offering to do, I don't know what it's called. It's like a reading or a card reading or a Tara Tara, maybe it's a tarot card reading. And I was just like, I don't really believe in that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am sitting in a car doing absolutely nothing for hours a day. Why not? So I'll let you know if that happens and how it goes. I can't wait. They're going to be like, how are you feeling? And then I, here's my theory. They're going to, you know, like you can read my Facebook posts and they're going to be like, let's see. The card says that your child is being difficult. And I'm like, how did you know that, ah, the card says that the dog pushed you out of bed the other night. Do this like, oh my goodness. How do you know all this about me? Oh, you read my Facebook posts. Okay, now this makes a lot more sense. So here I am. I've been doing comedy shows. People are grabbing my hands. Yum-Yah selling off the shelves. We just made a new batch last night. We had an order for, what's it called? When people, like a catering order. They were having an event and they bought, they ended up buying 35 Yum-Yahs. That's more than I've had, that's so much. And it was just like I was making it. It was like, time to make the Yum-Yah, time to make, and I was just like, wow, this is, taking this is, this is less fun. This feels like an actual job all of a sudden. But that's okay because we're bringing the joy of Yum-Yah to the world. Ah. So anyway, I'm trying to think of what else is going on. Oh, I know something big that's going on. But I can't talk about it yet. Because every time I talk about something big happening, it doesn't happen. So I'm going to settle on that one. That one's on the shelf, okay? Remember to tell me to go to the shelf and get this in about a month. You're not going to remember because I'm not going to remember. And that's fine too. What else? We have a few other shows coming up, outdoors, obviously. But then it's going to get cold. And what do we do when it gets cold? We can't keep being in a tent. It's going to be too chilly. And people don't like to laugh when they're chilly. They like to be at home, snuggled up in their blankies and whatnot. That's what I want to do. We haven't turned the heat on in our house because the heat, the temperature has become so confusing. And sometimes it's frosty, chilly, yucky, cold, rainy, foggy. Did I already say foggy? Misty. You know, very October. Like, oh, the mists are rolling in off the hill. The hills of the quagmire or whatever. But then like right now, it's full on hot. I'm sitting in this car sweating. And so that's the other thing. Remember, when I was growing up, car seats, you would just pull a lever and you could like lay the seat back and relax or rest or whatever. This is like one of those electronic seats. So it's like, it's like all these buttons that you have to push just to get the seat to move back. And it takes so long. Which I feel like I'm complaining about. But I think I'm just complaining about everything because I don't know what to do anymore. Might as well complain. I had a doctor the other day say, they were like, how do you keep such a upbeat spirit, such a happy attitude? And I was like, I don't. It's all a facade. It's all a ruse. No, I'm just, I, the thing is, man, you got to just accept that you've got a good life. Right? And you've got food in your belly, I hope, and a roof over your head, I hope. And hopefully there's love in your house. And, you know, and, and, and maybe if things aren't all going super duper spectacularly well, what I like to do is try to find a couple of things that are going pretty well and focus on those. Because if I just focus on all the terrible stuff, I'm not, I'm doomed. And I don't want to be doomed. I want to be undoomed. Right?

Unknown: Right.

Natty Bumpercar: Less doomed. What's the opposite of doomed? Saved? No. If you're doomed, then you're doomed. And if you're, hmm, yeah, undoomed. I want to be undoomed. I want to have a strict lack of doom in my diet, in my daily diet. I want to look for silver clouds. Is it silver clouds or silver linings? Or silver linings in the clouds? I'm not sure. But I know that's what I want to look for. And I thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening and I miss you desperately and I miss my studio and I can't wait for the world to be better.

Producer: This has been a non-productive media presentation. Executive Producer Frank Hablawi. This program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a Creative Commons Attribution Non-Commercial No Derivatives License. Please share it, but ask before trying to change it or sell it. For more information, visit non-productive.com.

Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

October 15, 2020
Bumperpodcast #384 – All you can

Natty got stuck at an ‘All You Can Eat’ establishment. He is terribly sorry for his absence. He hopes that you are happy to hear from him. He understands if you are not. The Bumperpodcast is an oftentimes hilarious weekly romp around Headquarters, in Coffee-Can Alley, with Natty Bumpercar and his entire gaggle of pals! You should send us an email to bumperpodcast@nattybumpercar.com. We’re here and we’re listening! Go like our Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/TheBumperpodcast/)!! Also, The Bumperpodcast can now be found on the https://non-productive.com/ network. Yay!!!!

About This Episode

In this hilarious episode of Bumperpodcast, host Natty Bumpercar returns after the longest absence in the show's history to explain his month-and-a-half disappearance. Natty spent weeks at an all-you-can-eat buffet, taking the restaurant's promise quite literally and exploring every food station from fruits to pancakes to a specialty corn bar. While the headquarters sat empty and his friends Aloysius J. Pig, Rufus T. Rufus, and Popcorn the dog wondered where he'd gone, Natty bonded with the restaurant staff and may have inadvertently contributed to their closure. Now back home to a messy house and an angry dog, Natty reflects on adult responsibilities, teases his upcoming Bumper Barn project, and shares plans for a local bookstore featuring his yogurt business Yum Yeah.

Memorable Quotes

“I said are there any limits they said no am i allowed to use the restroom they said yes and i said well then i am going to be here for a long time”
— Natty Bumpercar

“Did you know when you're an adult 93% of your life is straightening and cleaning and then the rest is taking care of keeping the children alive and keeping your job”
— Natty Bumpercar

“I was there all i could eat I was living up to exactly what they wanted me to do and i was also sadly leaving my responsibilities behind”
— Natty Bumpercar

Topics: #restaurants #food #responsibility #friendship #businessventures #comedy #adulting #absence

Featuring: Natty Bumpercar, Producer

Full Transcript

Natty Bumpercar: so a lot of people have been saying to me natty bumper car um what is going on where have you been the bumper pod this is the longest you've ever gone without doing a bumper podcast like your entire life up to when you started the bumper podcast and then the bumper podcast and then now this but even before because when you were a baby you recorded some episodes and those got lost obviously uh so this is now officially the longest time in my entire life that i have gone without recording an episode of the bumper podcast and i'm going to be honest to you bumper podcast i was at lunch and it was a very long lunch it was an all-you-can-eat buffet and i said you just wait and see what i'm gonna do you just wait and see what i'm gonna do to this all-you-can-eat buffet i said are there any limits they said no am i allowed to use the restroom they said yes and i said well then i am going to be here for a long time and they said okay well we do close at uh you know nine o'clock and i said you know my friend no you do not because all you can eat implies all you can eat forever and uh month and a half i was there eating just eating and eating and eating every hour of every day did i put on weight a little bit do i feel good about myself not really did i know everyone by name i did know the manager the owner the whole family they would come in and and and it was interesting because i was there for so long that they would initially they were confused and then they got kind of angry that i was still there still eating all the food and then we turned a corner and they started to cheer me on they were like go but i i had all i could eat so i moved on i came back to headquarters uh empty headquarters a big mess don't know where anyone is um door was unlocked and the the fridge was open which was disgusting because it was smelly messages and messages uh where are you hey help no one's we got bills to pay mortgages due you know uh problems there were a lot of problems is all i'm going to say so here i am recording an episode of the bumper podcast all by myself very full of food all kinds of food i went to there was a fruit station i started there a lot of the days uh and then if i didn't want that sometimes i'd go to the salad station maybe i'm gonna skip all of that and i'm gonna go to the pancake station oh no i'm making myself hungry again huh and there's no food here oh well they even had a cool corn station like an ear of corn and then you could get all kinds of stuff on it sweet or savory so one day i had had an ear of corn and they drizzled honey on it and it was very messy but it was very delicious one day i had an ear of corn just salt and pepper just plain just basic not even any butter i didn't need it the corn was sweet enough if i'm to be honest one day i went to the bread station and at that station it was great because at different points the day they had different things in the morning they had uh bagels they had croissant they had muffins they had uh just just everything you could imagine and then and later they would turn and would have rolls and little baguettes and uh even you could like they had like these little loaves of bread and little flour pots that you could take back to your table and it was delicious man i really miss this place this restaurant uh they're out of business now also by the way i should let you know that i feel horrible about it i'm pretty sure i don't have anything to do with it but i was there for a long time and at a point there were some health inspectors coming in and they were checking on me and i did hear some crying from the people and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry on the back room the office uh and i think i couldn't really make out what they said but it was something like he's he's putting us out of business he's killing our restaurant i don't know who they were talking about couldn't have been me because i was there all i could eat i was i was living up to exactly what they wanted me to do and i was also sadly leaving my responsibilities behind and forgetting to do the podcast forgetting to take popcorn the dog for a walk forgetting to hang out with my friend Aloysius J Pig forgetting to stay in touch with Rufus T Rufus that's okay they're gonna come back I'm sure of it now that I'm here the phone's been plugged in I can start reaching out to people checking in let's get the band back together let's get everybody back get over here you guys let's make some more wacky stuff did I tell you I uh while I was at the restaurant I was still able to do comedy uh just virtually of course and then my phone ran out and I had to stop but uh I could I could sit there and record myself as I was I was I was eating right and one day uh I was I was eating a uh a veggie burger as I was eating a veggie burger as I was eating a veggie burger as I was eating a veggie burger as I was telling jokes and it was it was a hoot um nah I'm just kidding I didn't do any comedy I did in my head I tried to do comedy for the people around me at the different tables and uh I was like hey table number seven over there looking good are you guys on a first date nice where did you meet oh that's a great place to meet hey Francois he was one of the waiters take care of table number seven because they're on their way to the restaurant their first date why don't you make some magic happen makes make a love connection and Francois he was always so funny because he was embarrassed by the whole thing and he uh he was just like no no no no and the couple was just like why is can we see a man why is this guy talking to us he looks like he hasn't showered or bathed in weeks he looks pretty rough and I will admit I did I was not my best that's okay because I was I was fulfilling to the letter of the law all I could eat and now back here guess we're gonna have a podcast again that's kind of fun I like doing the podcast I also see I mean I have to clean the house I don't like that I probably have to clean the yard it's a lot of cleaning I have to do a lot of straightening did you know when you're an adult and especially when you're an adult you have to do a lot of cleaning you have to do a lot of cleaning when you have kids 93% of your life is straightening and cleaning and then the rest is taking care of keeping the children alive and keeping your job that's a lot mathematically it does it doesn't work out because it's like there's like percentages and there's 20% 16% 80% yada yada yada I don't do math I eat I clean I straighten um popcorn the dog did come out I am now seeing her she looks angry at me she's looking what are you looking at me like that for I'm your I'm your pal Maddie bumper car I feed you my used to have you been eating I hope you have watch this I'm gonna pull I'm gonna reach into my bag here I actually uh in a napkin rolled up some rolls and uh rolled some rolls and some paper towels some napkins from the restaurant just in case I got uh peckish a little hunger on the way home you do you eat rolls popcorn you're not talking to me she won't even look at me treat I got a roll look at this roll oh nothing nothing all right that's fine sorry popcorn we'll figure it out I'll go get you some kibble dogs love kibble you're have you ever eaten kibble no I gotta look up what's kibble is it just the shape of the food is it this type of food is it just dogs that eat kibble I think cats eat kibble too but is there like hamster kibble fish kibble baby kibble I'm gonna start a business it's gonna be baby kibble speaking of starting businesses while I was in the restaurant you guys know about yum yeah right I make yogurt I'm the yum yeah king well I'm also working on opening a little tiny bookstore in my town that's right I wasn't just sitting there eating I was also thinking I was using my noodle and I was also eating noodles but listen it's gonna start off as a little free book stand and then at some point I'm going to figure out how to transition it into getting books in that we can sell local author books and then I'm gonna start a little free book stand and then at some point I'm gonna especially so then the authors are gonna come into the little bookstore and and and talk about their books and sign their books isn't that fun I think it's great and the free bookstore uh the shelf out front it's all you can read kind of like all you could eat but it's all you could read you get it um anyway so busy I'm a busy busy bumper car I'm working on getting uh the bumper barn set what's that it's a huge shed that's gonna be out in my yard that's gonna gonna gonna have all kinds of magic and mystery and fun the bumper barn when is it gonna be here 2020 that's all I could tell you fingers are crossed I don't know I had there were gentlemen who came and dug up my yard and made it flat and then I had to go to the town and I had to give them money and fill out papers it took me three tries to fill out the papers they were getting frustrated and I gave them money and they gave me a permit which means I'm allowed to do this so all I'm saying is now that I'm full of food I never need to eat again I'm gonna get popcorn food I'm gonna clean I'm gonna straighten and then we're gonna take over the world

Producer: this has been a non-productive media presentation executive producer Frank Hablawi this program and many others like it on the non-productive network is distributed under a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license please share it but ask before trying to change it

Natty Bumpercar: you

Podcast: Download | Embed
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | RSS | subscribe

September 28, 2020