And then I got an ulcer

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed on Sunday morning . . . The ugh side. The ouch side. The I don’t feel swell side.

Basically, my throat was a hot screaming mess of no fun and it wanted to make sure that I knew it.

Yeah. I knew it. Loud and clear.

On Saturday, me and the troops had gone to a big one year old birthday bash. It was full of fun, people and cupcakes. But – was it also full of some glooby-globy from far afield that was sent to tear me asunder?! I was starting to really wonder.

First I made a list of potential carriers. Of hands I had shook, cheeks I had kissed and babies I’d walked around with. But then I realized that there was no point in pointing fingers . . . It was time for me to hibernate. I’d sleep this thing out.

The next day was dentist day! A tooth cleaning and an opportunity to figure out why breathing air was making my molar hurt. In the course of he cleaning, where I found out that I have a tiny cavity in one old filling and a horizontal crack in the hurty molar – which may end up needing another crown . . .

During the cleaning, the phrase “What’s going on with your throat?” was murmured. And, while I’m not one who enjoys chatting while getting my teeth cleaned, I am one who doesn’t mind complaining about my throat. So I replied with a “It hurts.”

“You should have that checked out.” was what I got back.

So – I went to the doctor place – without an appointment – where after a long wait, they let me into the room and weighed me. Nowadays, I know that I wear like 12 pounds of clothes (seriously), so I was cool with the number – but I had a hard time explaining that concept to the nurse. Oh well.

When the doctor came in, she asked about fever, cough and runny nose. All were answered by no. She then stuck a popsicle stick and a light in my mouth and let out an “Aahhh.”

I was guessing it was some form of immediate strep or something. When she got the swabs out I gathered myself for the pain and gave my chart a gold star for knowing what was going on in my throat

Then she swabbed and said. “This is not strep.”


“Well then, what could it be?” I asked – all kinds of nervous.

“It’s a blah-blah-blah ulcer. There is no treatment and it can take a couple of weeks to go away. You should avoid all spicy, crispy, crunchy, crackily foods.”

“So, I’m on a pudding diet?”

No reply.

“How did I get an ulcer? What causes them?”

“Well, it’s caused by stress. A lot of high school kids get them after exams. ”

“High school?!”


“Well, I’m a little past that, but I do have loads of stress.”


“Cool. Great. So – now I have an ulcer. How about them apples?!”

“Apples would be too acidic.”


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