“Attendance” is a lively and humorous episode from the Bumperpodcast, an improvised comedy podcast that takes place in the quirky town of Coffee-Can Alley. In this episode, Natty Bumpercar takes center stage as he delves into a range of comical topics, including the trials and tribulations of dealing with messy children, the absurdity of promotions, and the hilarity of receiving awards.
As Natty shares his hilarious anecdotes and observations, listeners are treated to a blend of witty banter and relatable humor. With his unique storytelling style and knack for finding humor in everyday situations, Natty’s comedic charm shines through. The episode invites you into the whimsical world of Coffee-Can Alley, where anything can happen, and laughter is guaranteed.
“Attendance” captures the essence of the Bumperpodcast, offering a lighthearted and entertaining experience for comedy enthusiasts. With its blend of improvisation and clever comedic insights, this episode is a delightful addition to the show’s repertoire. So sit back, relax, and join Natty Bumpercar as he takes you on a hilarious journey through the ups and downs of messy children, promotions, and the whimsical world of Coffee-Can Alley.
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Every week, Natty Bumpercar presents a few ounces of ridiculousness with a dash or two of stupefaction. It's totes banoo!
About This Episode
In this episode of Bumperpodcast, Natty Bumpercar hilariously recounts the chaos of end-of-school-year ceremonies and his messy household. With kids tracking mud and wet clothes throughout the house and using hundreds of towels, Natty compares his laundry routine to painting a bridge. He describes attending his younger child's fourth-grade promotion ceremony and clap-out celebration, complete with a bubble machine, then rushing 40 minutes to his older child's awards ceremony. Despite the frantic schedule and uncertainty about which award his son would receive, Natty manages to arrive just in time to film his child winning the attendance award. The episode captures the exhausting but heartwarming reality of parenting during the busy school year's end.
Memorable Quotes
“I'm not saying that my house is a disaster area but a FEMA trailer did just pull up in our driveway.”
— Natty Bumpercar
“We went through 800 towels. It was like when they paint bridges – they start at one end and by the time they get to the other side, it's time to go back to the beginning again.”
— Natty Bumpercar
“He won an award for attendance. We came down, we rushed down for that. It was great.”
— Natty Bumpercar
Topics: #parenting #schoolceremonies #householdchaos #endofschoolyear #familylife #attendanceawards #summer
Featuring: Natty Bumpercar
Full Transcript
Natty Bumpercar: i i'm not saying that my house is is a disaster a disaster area but a uh a fema trailer did just pull up in our driveway uh it's it's pretty uh it's pretty messy pretty pretty bad pretty it's been raining a lot the children go out of the house into the house out of the house into the house sometimes out of the back door around into the front door sometimes if it's not raining and you're like oh well at least we're not gonna have muddy footprints they'll run out there they'll jump in our it's not even a pool it's a it's a puddle they'll jump in the puddle and then they'll they'll run back in and when it's when it's that then they're also wearing a lot of wet clothes and and so as they're running with feet they're also just just throwing their clothes all around the house shirts are hanging on lamps there's uh bathing suits that are just you know just been tossed wherever they land uh towels so the last week we had a day where we went through 800 towels now we don't have 800 towels in our house you know i but we have we just keep we keep washing them and drying them over and over it was just this constant cycle it it was like when they paint bridges they start at one end of the bridge and they start painting and then by the time they get to the other side of the bridge then they know it's time to go back to the beginning again because that's how long it takes evidently and so it's just this constant cycle and that's how we were with towels uh and then they're like i want to take a shower i'm like oh my gosh you just came in from the pool you just came in from rain why do you why why do you need to spread more uh moisture around my house it's too much the uh and you know they they like to take uh they'll take baths and then they throw toys in the bathtub and so then you can't go and take a shower yourself because it's just it's become a toy bin a bin of of wet toys i know i sound like i'm complaining a lot well that's because i am um here's the thing though we're heading into summer school is over the younger one just moved from fourth grade to fifth grade they had something called a promotion you've been promoted congratulations did i get a raise no did i get a corner office no of course not you didn't get a corner office but you got a promotion do i get to wear a mortise and pestle whatever the thing the little the hat and wait mortise and i don't know the uh do i get to wear a cape do i get sometimes people do i get the little ropes like they go around you know like that say something i did what no you're just gonna go up you're gonna wear whatever you're gonna wear we have no no say in that we're not gonna control it we're not going to do it we're not going to do it we're not going to do it you know send any uh anything home to your parents any kind of direction like hey it might be nice if you wear this no no we're just gonna throw caution to the wind and you'll show up wearing whatever you want to show up wearing and that's fine and then you're gonna stand up in the gym in front of all your parents and your you know your aunts and uncles and siblings and uh grandparents and just all these people and you know you're we're gonna say sweet things you're gonna sing a sweet song you're gonna make people cry that's what that's what you're here i bet that was the pep talk that they uh gave them before they came into the gym they were like all right fourth graders let's gather around gather around all right do you know why we're here today and one kid was like promotion and she was like no well yeah but no the reason we're here today is to make people cry make them sad make them think about how you you used to be tiny and now you're less tiny but you're still kind of tiny but you're definitely on the track of less tiny um and they're like what and she's like ah don't worry about all that you know she's at a whiteboard like drawing it out with a marker and then having to do the erasing thing where it doesn't really erase and then asking someone for the spray bottle so she can spray and then she doesn't have a napkin to wipe it off with it's just a whole thing and so you know that's what they that that was their goal and i'm gonna tell you right here right now they did not succeed with me i thought i was i was a goner i i went into this place i was feeling a little tightness in the throat a little tightness in the chest felt like uh the air was really dry oh i'm not gonna make it i'm not i can't make it but then i i did the thing and it was all so fast that it was like a whirlwind and i was just like i i okay i'm fine i i i serve this is i did it i made it through the promotion i feel like i should get a promotion myself for being the parent that didn't cry i don't know or maybe i could just get an accolade for that problem was that was one of the days the next day they do something called a clap out what is a clap out you're probably school from pre-k k first second third all of the teachers they line the hallways and at the front door of the school all of the parents are all in a big mob and you can hear it's coming through the school they're clapping it's it's wave of clapping and i brought a bubble machine and i put it by the front door because nothing says a clap out like a bubble machine to me and and i had the bubbles going and then you hear this just wave of clapping coming and and then they they are they they come out of the school but there's no like pause again it happened so quickly that they they came out and then they just ran to the to their left and it was just like oh okay my emotions don't work that fast anymore like maybe when i was young i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and i had less control of the emotions but now you know if i'm gonna get it's gonna take a while for me to to crank up the emotion machine you know to really i gotta i gotta be really ready you know so it takes me it takes a lot for me to get uh angry or sad or or whatever or or happy for that matter uh but yeah so this it moved so fast that it didn't happen and uh we immediately had to get in the car after this clap out and uh you know we're high-fiving people we're patting people on the shoulder congratulations you know you did it parents ah good job uh but then we had to get in the car and drive 40 minutes to the other kid's school now mind you this clap out started at 12 30 right and we were there for about 10 15 minutes the other child had an award ceremony that was supposed to start at one o'clock and he's about 40 minutes away and my kid was like in the car he was like wait what time does this start one o'clock well how's this gonna work i you know what we're just in the car we're gonna get down there when we get down there we're gonna do our best okay but you you realize it's it's 12 uh 45 now and yeah i can see the clock and i'm i'm just gonna keep on driving i'm gonna get down there as quick as i can you know and hope hope that we get to see the ceremony hope that we get to see him win an award and the award here's how it worked we got an email that said hey there's this award ceremony on this day at this time uh please come uh your child has been selected uh to win one of the awards which is very exciting you know but that's all the information you have so the grandparents actually came down they drove down to the award ceremony they got there before us saved us a couple of seats and we managed to get there at 1 11 so it took us around 27 minutes and so there was no traffic everything moved very quickly very smoothly like maybe the quickest trip i've ever had to get down there i was in the even speeding because I'm no speeder. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm a law abiding bumper car, but we got there and we, we, we checked in and we ran down. We got to the, uh, the auditorium and it was full of people. They had just given their first award. And, uh, we were given a little, uh, what do they call the pamphlets, whatever, you know, like the, the thing you look through and it tells you what's going to happen and when it's going to happen. And what we had done, we had missed the, uh, the opening speech, you know, like the pledge of allegiance. Like we had missed all the, the, the things that happened before the awards. So it worked out perfectly. Like we, we came in ready for awards. The first one was, uh, art and you know, he, he didn't win. He didn't win that one. All right. You know, then you're going through and you don't, there's next up. I think we were in, uh, reading and, uh, writing, uh, and okay. All right. Nope. You didn't win that one. Okay. And I want to film this. I want to get this on camera. All right. Uh, uh, math. No, it's not math. Science. No, probably not going to be science. History. Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. It's not going to be history. Oh, okay. You know, we're working our way down the list here. Uh, the next one was, uh, PE, physical education. And he's always, he's the T the teachers are always like, Oh, he's so good in PE. He's so, you know, he loves, loves it. And he always tells me that's my favorite class. And I'm like, all right, well, that's, it's really just play time, but you know, that's fine. Good for you. You have something that's your favorite. Uh, and so I started filming, I was ready PE and there, they go through these little speeches, you know, they say, Oh, physical education is very important. You know, they, you know, they describe everything and, uh, and I'm, I'm filming the whole thing and they go, you know, this next student in middle school, well, she, and I was just like, all right, well, let's stop filming that one. That's not the one. And then you're starting to get down to where, uh, you know, we did, uh, so PE and then we did music. And then the only things that were left were, uh, homework attendance. And then there were four things at the bottom, which were like, uh, character, whatever, like, you know, stuff like that community service. And so I was like, all right, you know, I've got like six more, you know, they told us to come down here and they did homework and I didn't even film it. Cause I was like, no, that's not going to be it, which is fine. And then they did, uh, attendance. I looked at my wife and I was, I kind of shrugged and she was like, I don't know. And you know, I started filming and they go through this four minute speech about how important attendance is. And it's the backbone of your education. And then, then they, they called my kid's name. He won an award for attendance. We came down, we rushed down for that. It was great.