Bumperpodcast #385 – Car talk

Natty Bumpercar: okay so here's the deal i'm sitting in my car because this is what i do now i'm on the run i'm on the lam i'm i'm a i'm a real scalawag i'm a real ne'er-do-well and so i had to i had to get out had to escape headquarters and and now i just sit i hang out in my car all the time and the problem with that is i don't have my podcasting studio but the bumper podcast studio the lab is out of my reach i can't get to it and so that means i don't have my proper microphones i don't have my my proper headphones and my i don't have my swivels chair you just have this car seat i mean not like a car seat like a baby car seat but like a car like i'm sitting in a car in a seat okay i mean it don't make no sense it's nutty going on here why am i in my car why am i on the run those are great questions bumper podcast kateers why have i not been recording much lately another great question you're like oh it's a quarantine you've got all the time in the world you should be recording every single day first off no one wants to hear me talk that much and secondly i don't really have that much time if i'm to be completely honest one of the bumper children is going to have to go to a new school he was accepted into a new school hooray problem being this new school is like 35 minutes from my house which means i have to get up in the morning and leave at 7 0 5 to get him to school on time and then they're trying to acclimate him to the school they're trying to get him used to the school and so they let him out at 11 45 and then they let him go and they tell him he has to go before the school starts and he has to be on time to drive 35 minutes down drive 35 minutes back that's an hour and 10 minutes and then turn around and drive all the way back down and then drive all the way back home that's two hours and 20 minutes of driving before noon i can't do that i have i have things to do i have naps to take by and look at and wish that I could go into them. I have snacks to scout and terrible fast food options to think about. Everything's gone really haywire is what I'm telling you. And so like right now, I can see on the little sound thing that little sound doodles are moving. So I know something's being recorded, but I don't even know how this sounds. Remember when life was so much easier a while ago, that guy, uh, Sal, I forgot his first Sal came in and he was going to take everything over and he was kind of scary. And we, he got rid of Rufus T. Rufus. That's a few episodes ago, probably. I don't even remember, but all these things definitely happen. And, and I was at the time I was like, Whoa, this is really hard. This is really difficult. How am I going to continue to podcast? I had no idea. I had zero idea how difficult life was going to get. Now here I am. I missed you. And I wanted to catch up a few things. I've been doing some live comedy shows. What live? What are you thinking? It's a pandemic, a global pandemic. Well, these are, these are out outdoor shows. So we're not indoors. Uh, I bring my own microphone. I have my mask and everything. And so I feel pretty okay and safe about it. It is scary though. For instance, the other day, this is very large man. He was giant. And after the show, uh, and I had had a little bit of a back and forth fun time, jokey with him during the show. And he came up to me and I was just like, Oh no. And he grabs my hand and starts shaking it. Hey, that was really funny. You did very good. Ha ha ha. And I was just like, my whole stomach went into a knot because I was like, why are you touching me? Why are you grabbing my head right now? And then I just, I had, uh, I carry a, a squeezy thing of hand sanitizer in my pocket. And I was just like, ah, just putting it all over my hands because like, you don't, who shakes hands? Who does that anymore? There will, there should be no handshaking. How do we seal the deal? I don't know. Do you remember bumper podcast? When it was an accepted thing, I think probably in the old west, when people are making a big deal, I'm going to buy your farm and I'm going to buy all of your man. Well, that's never happened before. You see, this is what I'm talking about. I'm sitting in a car. There's phones ringing. That was like six phones. And why? Because I put my phone on my phone and it was like, would you like to make phone calls on your phone? And I was just like, sure. I do make phone calls on my phone. Well, how about your computer? And I was like, okay. And how about your watch? And I was like, this seems very excessive. How about your tablet? And I was like, holy cow, that's a lot of places to get phone calls. But sure. I said, sure. And then now anytime somebody calls me, there's like 18 things ringing and they all ring with different, like, it's like, you heard it. It was like, and then and then my vibrate, vibrate. There's just too much going on. Anyway, I apologize for that. This time is just for you and me, bumper podcast. I don't need people horning in on our time. And here's, you might, well, why did, what was the call? It seemed very important. You had to go to take it. Yes. One of our, so one of our cars, uh, went to the shop last week, the car that I'm in right now. And then it came back and they had fixed one thing, but not fixed the other thing. And there were all these lights on the dash and they were like, Oh, that's no good. You got to bring it right back in right now. And I was just like, okay. And I was going to take it over last night. And so my family was going to follow me in our other car and I was going to drop this car for the shop. Now, but, uh, my, uh, the other little car we have, we had to pop the hood cause I had to look at something. And then when I went to close the hood, the hood wouldn't close. And it was just like, what's happening? Why, why world? And, uh, you know, so we ended up dropping at the other car off because the hood wouldn't close and we didn't want it to fly open on the road and, you know, turn into some crazy comical shenanigans. Cause you know, that the road is not a place for crazy comical shenanigans or the road is a place to keep your hands on the wheel, your eyes straight focused and, uh, paying attention to the road around you anyway. So now he was calling me to let me know that our little rabbit, his little hood is, is better. Oh boy. Isn't it fun when, not just when things break, but when multiple things break. So the big car kind of sick, the little car, a little bit sick. Then I was, I was, I was working on our tractor. We have a tractor and it's, it's not doing well either is, is the, is the moon and retrograde. I don't even know what that means. I don't really do that stuff anyway. Oh, although I did see someone that I know on Facebook offering to do, I don't know what it's called. It's like a reading or a card reading or a Tara Tara, maybe it's a tarot card reading. And I was just like, I don't really believe in that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I am sitting in a car doing absolutely nothing for hours a day. Why not? So I'll let you know if that happens and how it goes. I can't wait. They're going to be like, how are you feeling? And then I, here's my theory. They're going to, you know, like you can read my Facebook posts and they're going to be like, let's see. The card says that your child is being difficult. And I'm like, how did you know that, ah, the card says that the dog pushed you out of bed the other night. Do this like, oh my goodness. How do you know all this about me? Oh, you read my Facebook posts. Okay, now this makes a lot more sense. So here I am. I've been doing comedy shows. People are grabbing my hands. Yum-Yah selling off the shelves. We just made a new batch last night. We had an order for, what's it called? When people, like a catering order. They were having an event and they bought, they ended up buying 35 Yum-Yahs. That's more than I've had, that's so much. And it was just like I was making it. It was like, time to make the Yum-Yah, time to make, and I was just like, wow, this is, taking this is, this is less fun. This feels like an actual job all of a sudden. But that's okay because we're bringing the joy of Yum-Yah to the world. Ah. So anyway, I'm trying to think of what else is going on. Oh, I know something big that's going on. But I can't talk about it yet. Because every time I talk about something big happening, it doesn't happen. So I'm going to settle on that one. That one's on the shelf, okay? Remember to tell me to go to the shelf and get this in about a month. You're not going to remember because I'm not going to remember. And that's fine too. What else? We have a few other shows coming up, outdoors, obviously. But then it's going to get cold. And what do we do when it gets cold? We can't keep being in a tent. It's going to be too chilly. And people don't like to laugh when they're chilly. They like to be at home, snuggled up in their blankies and whatnot. That's what I want to do. We haven't turned the heat on in our house because the heat, the temperature has become so confusing. And sometimes it's frosty, chilly, yucky, cold, rainy, foggy. Did I already say foggy? Misty. You know, very October. Like, oh, the mists are rolling in off the hill. The hills of the quagmire or whatever. But then like right now, it's full on hot. I'm sitting in this car sweating. And so that's the other thing. Remember, when I was growing up, car seats, you would just pull a lever and you could like lay the seat back and relax or rest or whatever. This is like one of those electronic seats. So it's like, it's like all these buttons that you have to push just to get the seat to move back. And it takes so long. Which I feel like I'm complaining about. But I think I'm just complaining about everything because I don't know what to do anymore. Might as well complain. I had a doctor the other day say, they were like, how do you keep such a upbeat spirit, such a happy attitude? And I was like, I don't. It's all a facade. It's all a ruse. No, I'm just, I, the thing is, man, you got to just accept that you've got a good life. Right? And you've got food in your belly, I hope, and a roof over your head, I hope. And hopefully there's love in your house. And, you know, and, and, and maybe if things aren't all going super duper spectacularly well, what I like to do is try to find a couple of things that are going pretty well and focus on those. Because if I just focus on all the terrible stuff, I'm not, I'm doomed. And I don't want to be doomed. I want to be undoomed. Right?

Unknown: Right.

Natty Bumpercar: Less doomed. What's the opposite of doomed? Saved? No. If you're doomed, then you're doomed. And if you're, hmm, yeah, undoomed. I want to be undoomed. I want to have a strict lack of doom in my diet, in my daily diet. I want to look for silver clouds. Is it silver clouds or silver linings? Or silver linings in the clouds? I'm not sure. But I know that's what I want to look for. And I thank you so much. Thank you so much for listening and I miss you desperately and I miss my studio and I can't wait for the world to be better.

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