FAVORITE FORK [I want to tell you about my favorite fork.]

Normally I like to keep personal matters really close to the vest – especially on this here forum where there could potentially be upwards of lots and lots of people to dissect every nuance of every word that is posted, Well chickens (which – believe me – is said in the most complementary of ways – go to W.C. Fields and his whole “My little Chick-a-dees” as your jumping off point – I sure did . . .) today is going to be a slight change as I am going to have to expose my true feelings and (verbally) run down the street with my emotions pinned right there on my sleeve for everyone to see.

Today, I laid my burrito on it’s plate and reached into the bag (from whence it came). And there it was . . . seriously – I had no idea what joy was really in store for me – and then I grabbed the best utensil ever. It wasn’t just some dumb plastic fork that you would throw away the first chance that you got. No – it was special.

I’ll be honest – I didn’t even notice the abnormality that made this fork slightly different from (really) any other fork that I had forked with in the past – and I probably wouldn’t have – right up until I tried to use the fork. It was utterly useless! But useless in a kind of way that a tray of doughnuts would be if they were sitting on a table in front of someone desperately trying to start a diet would be . . . Which (I think) means that I (obviously) had to try to use that fork – and probably also – you also know that those doughnuts are going to get eaten and eaten and eaten some more . . .

How was it “useless” you are asking?! Well although it was fashioned (probably by one of those traditional “fork masters” from over in the deep dark forests of Europa) using the best in clear sturdy plastics (none of that dinky bendy plastic around my way if you please) . . . At some point in the design process – someone decided that it would be best if this particular fork had it’s most “forky” parts neutered down to nubs. The tines were large and rounded in such a way that I wasn’t even able to stab into a (mushy) pinto bean. It was almost like trying to use a hotdog as a fork (except for the whole “clear plastic” thing, the handle part and also the fact that a hot dog isn’t really that much like a fork at all) . . .

Instead of continuing the farce – which would have only succeeded in pushing the fork further into spiral of depression – that it may never have recovered from. I decided to clean the fork off, befriend it and save it for an occasion where it’s “forky” heritage would really (really) be able to shine (brightly) through the fog of it’s unsure past.

Oh – and by the way – the doughnuts were super-scrumptious . . . and the diet will just have to start tomorrow . . .

In a truly annoying turn – for the second day in a row – I wake up all woozy and blah blah blah . . .

It isn’t like I’m not sleeping – because I do. I have the proof – uhm – well somewhere around here. It is possible – that I certainly have some sort of proof that I have (probably) been sleeping. Except – now that you have put me on the spot – and I think that is has become indisputable at this point that there is some questioning finger waging going on – I just can’t seem to find any of that (said) proof.

Really – though – all that you need to know is that my stomach is doing flip-flops, my head is swimming in thick thick clouds and other parts of my physiology aren’t exactly knocking it out of the park today themselves.

So now the big decision of the day rears it’s ugly head – do I eat on the train or sleep – eat on the train or sleep – eat on the train or sleep?! The answer to that (those) question(s) could sway the rest of my day in multiple directions . . .

Huzzah for woozy days . . . may they pass as quickly as they came.

Here is a photo that was taken when the (Irving Brown) Socks went to the vet for his yearly.

You guys – I am seriously worried about that cat . . .

I mean it . . . seriously.

Here is a photo that was taken somewhere – the where part of it isn’t important at all – not even a little bit at all.

What is important is the ingenuity and the problem solving skills that are being displayed against what could (potentially) have been a real deal breaker. People need water – that is a scientific fact – but water and electrical outlets are not the best of friends – another “scientific fact.” Sooooo in comes a true pioneering spirit that spits in the face of danger for the sake of need. But that spirit does not take the form of moving the water away from the electricity (that would be like admitting defeat) – nor is it in the form of (government subsidized) “duct tape” – my friend – no – indeed just several well placed strips of good old American masking tape were needed to keep this particular party rolling.

This problem has totally been solved . . . now have a drink of water – and move along – little doggie!